(Part 3) Best products from r/datingoverthirty

what's your problem dude, like why even make the post? Just go to a barber and get a nice haircut. Have him put some product in your hair and walk around and see how you feel for a day. You don't need to buy it This will look pretty natural and will last you awhile You don't need to use the stuff every day just when you want to look good like a date or interview or whatever. This will last you MONTHS! I have a hair gel I've been using for a year that i've been trying to find things to use it on so I can use the one I linked. (I hate product also!) But the more I use it the more comfortable I become with it. After my 9 year LTR I had a buzz cut just like you and really didn't have any fashionably clothes. I worked on changing that even if I was uncomfortable wearing and going out with nice hair at first. Now while i'm not the best looking person in my social group I'm definitely the best dressed with the best hair...... while I still have it haha

>Video games, junk food and porn. But no attempt at ever forming a romance, no dating, no online dating.

You've developed a very nasty habit, and you need to rewire your brain. This can be done, but you'll need some will power to overcome this. James Clear's book, Atomic Habits does a good job explains how habits form and how you can change them.

If you're watching porn, stop it right now - it's ruining your life.

> The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.

The Iron and the Soul

First thing is first, how often are you going to the gym? You can't have a healthy mind if you don't have a healthy body. How are you training? Are you doing 5X5? Are you on 5-3-1? Start learning the basic lifts, I recommend you start with 5X5 for one month to get the techniques down, then move on to something like 5-3-1 or Grey Skulls, the r/fitness wiki is a gold mine of information. Learning how to do this properly (with the right diet) will change your life. Try the Boring But Big 3-Month Challenge.

We're sexual beings, it's important for our physical and mental well being to have a healthy sex life. If you're terrified of talking to women then you might need to start with the basics, look up this or this. Cheesy pick up techniques don't work, so don't waste any time or money on learning them. The key here is to know yourself, what you want and be honest (most people don't know what they want).

Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity

How often do you socialize with friends and peers? Do you have someone to talk to, to air your problems to, to bounce ideas off? We're social creatures and having a good social group is part of a healthy lifestyle.

Cobra Kai - ...the method of fighting your pansy ass generation desperately needs.

Tyler Durden on Life

The Three Things We All Need for a Happy Life: Someone to love. Something to do. Something to look forward to.

I have read Mate

https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365

It is embarrassing to have read it but I found some of the exact same self help information in another book about controlling parents. I guess the good thing is I had also already done quite a bit of work the book recommended such as be in shape and take care of your mental health.

They had a podcast that had further recommended reading and advice such as

It's Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with
Anyone

https://www.amazon.com/dp/057809665X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wstdzbP00CXWS

And taking improv comedy classes. All of which I have now done.

It really gave me a frame of reference I didn't have before. Very helpful in understanding not just romantic relationships but all relationships.

Seriously, you can just watch groundhogs day and get the gist of the book.

Edit: I heard about it through the Art of Manliness podcast. He did another one with another author who basically said stop reading self help books and just go out and have fun. I refuse to read another one.

The nice thing about beards is that they're easily removed. So go for it!

Some tips:

• Beards require care, just like hair. In fact they require more care, because your face doesn't produce as much oil as your scalp does. Invest in some decent beard shampoo & conditioner, and some beard oil. I use Professor Fuzzworthy's for the former and Rangerfor the latter. I shampoo every other day. The beard oil goes in at least once per day (after showering), and I might apply it a second time in the evening if I'm going out and/or if the beard is feeling dry. Make sure that you massage the shampoo and oil all the way down to your skin; bearddruff is a thing.
  
• Invest in a decent trimmer. Doesn't have to be expensive! I use this thing; it has guards in 1/8" increments out to 1", and the guard can also be repositioned slightly to get you even more precise control.
  
• Once you have a length you like don't be afraid to get the occasional professional trim in order to get nice lines and fading and whatever else you're into. I've had my beard pretty short for the past few months so I haven't bothered, but I'm growing it back out again and once I hit a length I'm happy with I'll probably start getting it cared for once per month or so.

Maybe give this book a shot: https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Negative-Thinking-Patterns-Self-Help/dp/1118877713

It's pretty good at identifying the core of your issues and to help you move past them. I've just started it, but it seems like a pretty good place to start.

Good luck.

okay person, here's how you do it with cats. If you value your cats, train them. I've trained my cat to Sit, Scratch, and Run on his exercise wheel on command. He is also trained "Gentle" to stop playing / drop claws, "git" to go to ground level if he's on something, and Come when called by name. Cats LOVE structure. Cats like rules and consistency. They don't like change (who does!?) and while it can be hard to see them struggle with adjustments, they will be okay, and it might end up being a lot happier long-term for everyone if you learn to teach them structure and rules in how they interact at home, starting with this.

Training that Meowing =/= attention (open door)

• Cats meow to communicate with us. Cats operate under the "If I do X, I get Y" premise. So if your cat meows and then you give them attention, they learn that. So you have to ignore it. and it will get worse before it gets better, like a kid throwing a temper tantrum to get what they want. Your cat will start by normally meowing, and scratching. They may increase the volume of their meowing and start yowling. They may start body slamming themselves against the door. You have to ignore it. This is where some of the training tools below will help.
  
• Get a deterrent to keep that makes their interaction with the closed door unpleasant. That could be double-sided sticky tape. Maybe a Motion-sensor spray. Or it could be something like putting down a matt that makes being in front of the door impossible /unpleasant. I found that an upside down office chair mat (spikes up) worked pretty well for training my cat to avoid certain areas.
  
• Get some earplugs and find something for some ambient white noise to help making dealing with any meowing / yowling easier.
  
• Only open the door when it is quiet. This trains the cat that quiet = open door.
  
• When you DO open the door, ignore them for a good 10 minutes. This prevents them from learning open door = attention + good things immediately.
  
  I would recommend in addition to this, you work on rewarding quiet behavior through the linked process of training to sit, then training to be quiet. It's a lot harder with two cats, but all cats can be trained. it's def a lot more work than dogs since cats only learn via rewarding positively, and not via punishment.

Much of it is borrowed from Amy Webb, so my best advice is to buy her book and do the same.
https://www.amazon.com/Data-Love-Story-Cracked-Online-ebook/dp/B008BM0NLA/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1538512131&sr=8-3&keywords=amy+webb
Things I borrowed are the making of a list of requirements in a romantic partner. Then force ranking them. Once you have that, you essentially have built your acceptance criteria and the force ranking is essentially your "Must Have" and "Nice to Have" designation without a clear demarcation of where that line gets drawn along the list. Then you have to come up with a score for each requirement. I think this is a very personal decision that everyone should make for themselves. Just think about what kind of line you want your scores to represent. Possibilities include a flat line, a diagonal line, or and a curving line. Again, likely only you can decide how important your top rank item is in comparison to your lowest ranked one.

From there I wrote promotion rules. Which you are likely used to. In order to move from Dev to Stage, you must know A, B, and C. In order to move from Stage to Prod you must confirm A,B,C, and learn additionally D,E, and F.

Some of those rules I borrowed from Amy, score must be X to be considered, Y to get call, and Z to get a date, and more beyond Z, but those remain untested at this point. In addition to point based promotion rules I made few more that are very specific to ME and likely meaningless to most anyone else. Those are mostly "rules" about my behavior and mindset through the process. If you have "stakeholders" you need rules about when they get engaged in the development. My only stakeholder is now 22 and aged out of the process, but if I was doing this 10 years ago, I would need those rules.

Like I said in the first post, it's too new to see if more effective at "building" a better end product or not, but the what it has done has made the whole frustrating, slow, unpredictable process easier on ME.

Hope that helps.

I don't claim to have all of the answers, and I'm not sure what has worked for me will work for you, however something that has offered some awareness, some solace, is the book, "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chödrön. This book speaks about fear in a very different way.

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Some Quotes that may help you:

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• When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize that we are on the verge of something. We might realize that this is a very vulnerable and tender place, and that tenderness can go either way. We can shut down and feel resentful or we can touch in on that throbbing quality. There is kind of testing and also a kind of healing.
  
• Fear is a natural reaction of moving closer to the truth. If we commit ourselves to staying right hwere we are, then our experience becomes very vivid. Things become very clear when there is nowhere to escape.
  
• What we're talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with it, looking it right in the eye --- not as a way to solve problems, but as a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and thinking. the truth is that when we really begin to do this, we are going to be continually humbled. There's not going to be much room for the arrogance that holding on to ideals can bring.
  
• When things fall apart and we're on the verge of we know not what, the test for each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize. The spiritual journey is not about heaven and finally getting to a place that's really swell. In fact, that way of looking at things is what keeps ups miserable. Thinking that we can find some lasting pleasure and avoid pain is what in Buddhism is called samsara, a hopeless cycle that goes round and round endlessly and causes us to suffer greatly. The first noble truth of the Buddha points out that suffering is inevitable for human beings as long as we believe that things last - that they don't disintegrate or that they can be counted on to satisfy our hunger for security. From this point of view, the only time we ever know what's really going on is when the rug's been pulled out and we can't find anywhere to land. We use these situations either to wake ourselves up or put ourselves to sleep. Right now-- in the very instant of groundlessness -- is the seed of taking care of those who need our care and discovering our goodness.
  
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  I hope this helps, and brings you some peace. If you'd like to talk more, I'd love to! message me.
  
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I have this bluetooth remote for my phone. There's also a cheaper one on amazon for like $2. They work with your regular camera app on the phone. There are also cheap tripods on amazon, but you could use the coffee mug idea too! Take a bunch of pictures and then pick the one you like the best.

Also, slightly overweight isn't a deal breaker for a lot of people, but it's nice to not be surprised. I went on a date with a guy who had posted mostly head shot photos, and also had older pictures of him from x pounds ago. He turned out to have a slim face and a large belly. Which wouldn't have been a deal breaker, he was awesome, but it felt dishonest in a way. I also don't get it--like if someone feels that unconfident they have to be stealthy in their photos, why not work hard and lose the weight? That has to be a much better option than going through life feeling insecure.

Anyways, now I'm just rambling. Good luck with your photos!

Most of my exes remain friends, so I don't really have anything against seeing them. Again I guess I'm also pretty picky so I've never had the misfortune of dating a real psycho. I've also never tried to actually date within my own immediate team (I would agree that that feels a bit incestuous to me for some reason).

Where I currently work (a major fortune 500 multinational), about a quarter of my closest coworkers are married to other people in the company (and a bunch work in the same building. 2 of the 4 in particular work even on the same floor, but different departments). My current boss's wife used to share the same skip level manager with him, several years ago. The rest of us on the team rarely see them at lunchtime since they usually run off to eat with their spouses :) The oldest guy on my team is in his 50s and his second wife works downstairs and it's really cute every day at noon he goes "time to go collect my bride, see ya later!".

For the 2nd point I like to follow the advice given in the title of this memoir..

I always like a good curry in cold weather. Have various recipes but recently was recommend this book, The Curry Secret, so hoping you try it soon.

Something else that I came across last summer, is a dessert. Super simple, unhealthy but seriously delicious.

Apparently, it’s called a Malaysian pudding - not sure why though.

1lt of good quality double cream yoghurt mixed with half a can (~200g) of condensed milk. Somehow this combination just makes a difference. Then add all your cut fruits, so...paw-paw, sweet melon, apple, peaches, banana, maybe pineapple. Let it refrigerate a bit to release the fruit juices. Simple goodness.

If they are in season, I like to make a berry version with blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and a banana to balance the flavors. It’s also for the lazy, because only the bananas and strawberries require cutting up. When dishing into bowls, garnish with a cherry.

I've recommended these books so often but I'll do it again.

The Evolution of Desire

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079P4XJ54/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_HH0pDbVKYM54G

Love Factually

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QO35NM2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_LI0pDbSS7RQZC

He's just not that into you

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0006NH9BO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_kJ0pDbB4260GY

Based on my own personal experience, I believe the science that says it takes men time to really fall in love and having sex too soon results in a dopamine drop.

While at the same time, many women become bonded to the same guy due to hormones emitted during sexual activity.

Nothing sexist or game playing about it. It's just the way we're wired. I see that there are at least a couple guys here who admit this is true.

I would recommend that you read at least one of the first two books before ripping me a new one. I initially thought it was bullshit too.

Did we talk about attachment styles in your other thread? I'd suggest doing a lot of reading about adult attachment and applying it to your own life. A lot of people have recommend the book Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love. I haven't read it myself though.

I strongly suspect you have an anxious attachment style, which will drive your partners away as well as making you attracted to men who are unavailable and 'bad' for you. It is possible to change your attachment style with lots of self-awareness and work, though.

>I'm not entirely sure if this is a general comment or directed at me. If directed at me, I'm not sure how you can garner regressive political leanings as I've never made my political orientation clear anywhere. I'm also not sure what is meant by regressive.

I was joking, mostly.

>I think this probably at the core of our discussion. I'm a trained natural scientist, which bleeds into other areas of life. Gravity is the same no matter what you believe for example. You jump off a bridge, you're not going to fly even if you believe so, you're going to go splat. So I struggle with the idea of moral relativism because I believe there are some things that universally apply and are universal truths so to say no matter what your values or what you choose to believe. It isn't necessarily politically or religiously motivated(for some people it is) It is just how I observe the world.

And didn't you ever read Mr. Tompkins in paper back?

I could swear there was something in the natural sciences relating to gravity and things being relative to the perspective of the observer... what was that again... the Heisenberg uncertainty principal... no no that's not it... planck's constant.... the second law of thermodynamic... never mind... I'm sure it will come to me...

>Is there an objective standard when it comes to the human condition? I do think there is, but it may be far more complicated than either of us can understand. I'm guessing that you would say there isn't an objective standard beyond what you've outlined due to your stance as a moral relativist.

Well the moral relativism was the product of a logical inquiry in to various differences in the ethical systems I observed in the world around me.

People have thought about all of these things before, Rousseau, Voltaire, Adam Smith, David Hume, John Locke, Plato. These are not new thoughts.

Basically the best we've come up with for a personal ethical standard is to not harm other unless they consent to be harmed. But not everyone is aware of that standard so it's difficult to impose it upon others.

Nice insight.

For anyone interested, I am currently reading Mastery of Love - A practical guide to the art of relationship . It is about precisely this topic. It focuses on being responsible for your half of the relationship, picking a partner, and living your life through love rather than fear.

It also looks at it from the perspective of any relationship, not just romantic, though it does focus a lot on romantic partnership.

It has been really eye opening for me