Reddit mentions of Akface Portable Air Compressor Pump 150 PSI, Digital Tire Inflator 12V DC Electric Gauge with Larger Air Flow 35L/Min, LED Light, Overheat Protection,Yellow

You're welcome! In case you don't have one already, a string action gauge like this one is indispensable!

Dude in all seriousness - I have been exactly where you are.

Here is what I would do.

Go buy one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Akface-Guitar-Measuring-Electric-Acoustic/dp/B01DDBXXG0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488228042&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=guitar+ruler&psc=1

Download the setup guide for your instrument from the manufacturer.

Learn what "Spec" setup is by doing it yourself.

Intonation, almost always better to be flat than sharp, if you have a choice and it can't be perfect. Make sure you're moving the saddles towards/away from the neck not closer/further from the body. (Back and forth, not up and down, usually a phillips head not an allen key)

After that - you just need to play it.

It's really hard to turn off OCD, I am right there with you, but the truth is, you're stealing the fun out of the whole endeavor for yourself (I was too, I'm not picking on you in any way shape or form).

Just play the hell out of it, if it bothers you to that extent, switching guitars won't help. You gotta let it go. I've been there man, I feel for you.