Reddit mentions: The best self-help recordings

Perhaps what would help most right now is a good night of sleep. 5mg of melatonin might do the trick. It can help you stay asleep. If you are willing to try relaxation music, I suggest playing this or this. I have used the music in the second link -- have the CD in my library. It's classical music with a subliminal track added. It's fucking peaceful man. It helped someone I know who had terrible sleep issues.

Lack of REM sleep can play all sorts of havoc on your mind and body. It creates huge mood swings, clouds your thinking, causes weird physical sensations. Light in the room where you sleep can mess with you big time, especially blue LED light. My modem and router both have bright blue LED lights, and both devices are in my bedroom, so I use an eye mask. I also have a loud fan to create white noise. Otherwise, I'm fucking worthless without enough good sleep.

I know some breathing techniques and can link you to some resources if you're willing to give them a try. You gotta want to help yourself though. The dream you had shows some serious inner conflict. The dream characters that shoot you and Josh are representations of parts of yourself. They are your anger, your pain, your defiance, your bitterness. Dying in a dream is a way of saying you are dying inside, or that something about yourself needs to recede so that you can mature. Or both. I see in the dream that you are trying to help yourself -- at least on some level you're trying -- but I also have the sense that you are attached to your pain and anger and disappointment. They have become part of who you are and how you present yourself to the world. They are ingrained into your belief system. They protect you. What would you do without them? Who would you be without them? What if that's what's keeping you alive?

I can't sit here and pretend to know you well enough to offer good advice, or tell you that life is worth living, or that there really is love in this world. But I can say that I hear you, and I know a lot about pain and anger and disappointment and stress and bitterness and addiction. I can say that from my experience I know that if you really want shit to get better, it can. I can point you toward some resources that help me.

I began with "Breathing: The Master Key" by Andrew Weil. It starts with simply breathing deeply and slowly, using your diaphragm to fully open and close your lungs, then teaches some other breathing exercises. Now that I know the trick of breathing with my stomach and fully opening my lungs I do it all the time. But I used to be really tight in my chest and rarely breathed fully. Insufficient O2 creates a constant feeling of panic because your cells are screaming for what they need. It a huge relief when you breathe correctly. You can find Weil's techniques on Youtube.

Good luck. Get some sleep. Take care of yourself. And maybe ttyl.

Sleep Soundly

Delta sleep. This shit works. http://www.amazon.com/Delta-Sleep-System-Jeffrey-Thompson/dp/B00005BIY7