Reddit mentions of Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap

In "Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap" there's reference to the fact that society is built upon codependence and that more than 8-in-10 people are codependent, but that fewer than 1-in-100 work on it. That's not a measure of severity, of course, but to answer your question - everyone deserves connection, love, and relationships. That you can be real about who you are instead of the toxic person you behaved like by default is a plus, not a drawback.

Jesus. My daughter is 10, and not only have I never talked to her that way, I don't even think I've had to raise my voice at her, much less yelled at her. Punching the bed shows that he has a anger / rage issue, I don't know his total history, so I couldn't say it was just from his parents splitting. However, that's completely unacceptable. He is taking his anger from his parents separation (I'm assuming) + whatever else, and is going to turn his kids, and more importantly, YOUR kids into the EXACT same thing he is, a negative, angry, aggressive individual.

Honestly, I dated someone for a short time that had anger issues (different situation, rape trauma), and would be the sweetest person I've ever met, but would fly off the handle at random times over really small issues and curse me, start fights, etc. I had to leave her, although I loved and pitied her. My sanity is worth more than my need to feel like someone cares about me.

The thing is, you have to go. He needs help, and you and your kids don't need to be there while he works it out. What's next? What if he drinks one night and can't control what is already out of control? What if he really hits someone? Who cares about how scared you are about divorce - you and your children are at risk, that should trump any feelings and inconvenience of moving and starting the paperwork. Would you let ANYONE let your children play with a live grenade? The pin could fall out at any time - and that is what you are living with.

Also, you may want to look up co-dependency in your spare time, and check for signs that you are making excuses for him (even sub-consciously), letting yourself off the hook for taking responsibility for doing what you need to do. I suggest this book which helped me realize I was acting co-dependent in different circumstances. Good luck, and keep us posted.