Reddit mentions of Coping With Infertility, Miscarriage, and Neonatal Loss: Finding Perspective and Creating Meaning

There's a lot in your post! First of all, I very much agree that watching what they have to say is normal and caring and not something they should be complaining about! (or at the very least, it should never make it anywhere near your ears!) It is not your burden to carry that they don't get to be say whatever they want, because you are already carrying the burden of your loss (See: The Ring Theory of Support).

However, I do think that it is a lot of pressure to put on yourself, and your marriage, and your relationship with your in-laws, that everything will be better once you're pregnant again. I don't think you necessarily need to take a break from TTC, but what if this continues to take a long time?

I think you absolutely need to be allowed to grieve and be upset, and that your husband needs to be able to support you as you go through coping with this, because this shit is hard! But another pregnancy isn't going to erase everything you've been through and are continuing to go through. =/

This is a book that I recently read that I wish I'd read earlier in this process. I found it really helpful for regrouping and preparing myself for this seemingly neverending journey.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I lost my son two months ago when I was 27 weeks pregnant. It was the absolute worst thing I have ever dealt with in my life. I completely understand the feeling of isolation and loneliness. I think people are very uncomfortable with death, especially the death of a baby, and they don't know how to act or what to say. Or they don't understand how attached you can get to a life growing inside of you. My therapist said that it's like you don't just lose the baby, you lose part of yourself and your dreams and hopes for your future together. It is really devastating, no matter how far along you are.

While you will never forget losing your baby, I promise you that the grief does get better. For a couple weeks I barely got out of bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone or even eat. It is TOTALLY NORMAL to feel that way at first. I remember my mom telling me I needed to get out of the house, and she made me feel like I was acting abnormally. Eventually I forced myself to get out of the house see a therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss and she told me that it is completely normal to act and feel that way. I highly recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in pregnancy and infant loss, if you can find one. I just googled and found her.

I'm about 9 weeks post-loss and the grief is still there but it's gotten a lot better. I can function fairly normally now and I have mostly good days, with a few bad ones in between. I'm not going to lie, I have nights where I lay in bed sobbing until I fall asleep. Sometimes when I see babies in public I get a pang of extreme sadness and have to leave the situation. But it's getting easier by the day.

There are also a good number of books on pregnancy loss. The first one my therapist recommended is called "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" - it has a lot of personal stories of loss, which can be helpful to validate that your feelings are normal, but it was a bit TOO emotional for me. For me, a better book has been this one by Amy Wenzel. It's based on cognitive behavioral therapy and has actual strategies to cope with grief, vs. just telling a bunch of sad stories like some other books do.

If you ever need to talk please PM me. I will be thinking about you.