Reddit mentions of Open Her: Activate 7 Masculine Powers to Arouse Your Woman's Love & Desire

Ok, this is a complex situation. You sound like you either have a low libido or a normal one that is being smooshed with a "too busy" life. And it sounds like he has a normal or high libido. BOTH of your natural libidos are fine and valid and neither type of libido is broken or in need of fixing.



That said. There are ways to have a more fulfilling sex life. First Ima focus on you. I don't know you but from what I've read you say you're too tired by the time he is in the mood. I'm sure you do a LOT, take care of kids, work, chores, errands and it seems never ending. Having one more obligation at the end of the day can be exhausting. My advice is to make room on your to-do list for sex. Or add it to your to-do list. This would mean knocking other things off the list that aren't as important as your relationship and happiness with your husband so that you are rested and in the mood.


I guess I should also ask if you are enjoying the sex you guys have or if you don't and just see it as another obligation. If you're not really into it and not just because you are tired it's very understandable. There are lots of books on unlocking libido in LL women and it's important to find out and have the kind of sex that is fun for you.


I also suggest getting into the right mindset about sex. A lot of women don't realize that for a lot of men sex is a way to feel close and intimate with their SO's. It's not just the physical act, it's the heart closeness and bonding-even if they don't express it in a way you can hear it or in your love language.



So on your dudes side. He has a "normal" or high libido and it sounds like he needs spontaneity. Remember what I said about what sex is to a lot of men. To him he probably believes you don't want to share that close bonding time with him. He probably also feels that you don't just not want sex but that you don't want him. It hurts very badly, I can say this from personal experience, to continually want to show and share your love with an SO only to have them reject it. To make it into an occasional thing when they feel like letting you show your love or worse yet an obligational thing.


Both of your needs and libidos need to be respected though. Like I said neither libido need to be fixed. And him waking you up when he knows your tired is thoughtless.


If I were you, I'd take the lead on this-you've got the power here. I dunno how often he wants it but here's a random example: Decide every other day is acceptable, clear schedule accordingly(don't tell him about any sort of schedule except to say "i love you and on tuesdays and thursdays I am very very busy and have to sleep at this time, I will not wake up for sex so that I can give it my all on other days." honestly I don't know how to delicately talk to an estp lol so u phrase it positively however he can hear it. it's not unloving to have limits.) If you want sex at a certain time you might need to initiate it-again I dunno if his tv or game time is non-negotiable for him or if the interruption would b welcome.


You enthusiastically (no don't fake it) initiating at least half the time would go a long way to healing the hurt from years of rejection. And flirting is a big deal too. On scheduled days drop more hints, use more touch, build things up so that things occur pretty naturally at the time you hope that day.


I know I focused mostly on you, if he were the one posting this I'd give him some same some different advice-especially about helping you relax(by helping you with chores and the other things keeping u busy), speaking your love language, and seducing you in the way you need to. I'd also suggest books if he were the reading sort like Open Her and She Comes First.


I hope I helped some. If you ever want advice in the future feel free to pm me. I also suggest connecting to one of the many libido-centered blogs out there for ideas and support.