Reddit mentions of That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships

I found the following non-Christian books very helpful in my own journey to become better at communicating and understanding other people. I highly recommend:

• That's Not What I Meant! by Deborah Tannen
  
  
• Crucial Conversations
  
  I also recommend the following Christian book for dealing with childhood baggage:
  
  
• Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud

One thing I love about the Italian language (languages, really, but that's beside the point) is that all Italians use hand gestures as part of their language. There are more than 250 of them that have been identified. I used quite a few of them to great effect when I was in Italy and I found it fun and rewarding. I ended up asking one of my tour guides about Italian hand gestures, specifically, I asked her, "Are Italian hand gestures a subset of ISL (Italian sign language)?" I got lucky: she had actually worked with deaf Italians and was familiar with ISL, so she was able to confidently answer me, "No", and, in fact, she told me that some hand gestures that Italians use will be interpreted differently based on which city or region of Italy you are in.

Ultimately, body language is part of something called "metacommunication". To make the argument short: we don't respond to the messages that people send, we respond to the metamessages. The authority on this subject is a linguist named Deborah Tannen. I know your interest is more in body language, specifically with regards to deaf people, but just in case you might be interested: https://www.amazon.com/Thats-What-Meant-Conversational-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007OWRB6I/

The book That's Not What I Meant! by Deborah Tannen is a really good explanation about different communication styles, and some of the ways you can help to cross the divide between yourself and someone whose style is vastly different than your own.