Reddit mentions of The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts

I enjoyed reading The 5 Love Langauges Military Edition . It has some good ideas for staying close while you’re apart.

Well my first step was to read a whole bunch of psychology papers from academic journals. Because of academic publishing I can't post those, and since I am not at my work computer, I don't have the titles handy.

For books, I started with the 5 Love Languages, Military Edition because my guy actually talked about it with me and it cracked me the heck up that this big strong man was throwing out terms like "words of affirmation" and "acts of service." It was a good read regardless.

I also read:

• Courage After Fire Which is coping strategies for challenges
  
  
• The Dance of Anger because I tend to respond to with anger and that is not conducive
  
  
• Single Girls Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids and His Ex Wife because the week he was deployed was the week before I was flying across the country to meet his youngest.
  
  I also went through a few traumatic events when I was 18 (raped, mugged at gunpoint, and domestic abuse in three months) and had some PTSD. So while our experiences are not similar, I have been in counseling and reading about PTSD for about 12 years. Between that and yoga teacher training (which includes a lot of eastern philosophy reading) I have an ok handle on the whole touchy feely thing. I just didn't have the military specifics.
  
  EDIT I just remembered to warn you to take this all with caution. I can be a good woman. I can be understanding and supportive and kind and in love, but I can't fix him or make him love me if he doesn't want to. If he needs to be alone, he needs to be alone and all I can do is accept that, offer my kindness when he wants it and treat myself well in the meantime. I can try to send presents and remind him that even if he says he is the only guy "without a family" that he isn't unloved. Treat yourself well too!

I think this is totally normal in a LDR. Every relationship ebbs and flows, and LDR is really tough. Some couples really flourish with it, others, it's really tough.

First off, I highly recommend you read the 5 Love Languages book for military couples. It helps you to identify the ways in which you feel loved, and the ways that he feels loved. That way you can each maintain that connection and feeling of being valued by communicating it. It sounds like yours may be physical or quality time, and if his is something else, this can wind up with feelings of abandonment, loneliness, being taken for granted.

Second, after you've read that book and you've both taken the quiz to find out your love language, set a concrete agreement on how you can help each other feel connected. For my husband and I, when we're long distance and can't see each other, we do a one-hour skype date once during the week at a pre-determined time, and then once on the weekend. That way, you're planning for it and looking forward to it, but not spending so much time on the phone that it feels kind of hollow. Plus, he's physical, and I'm quality time, and this way we can meet each other's needs in the same time frame. Once we were both stateside again, we saw each other once a month minimum (usually every third weekend), and planned elaborate dates together.

Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard work. It gets to a point sometimes where you have to CHOOSE to keep falling in love with each other. You each have to commit to it, and cognitively decide to make it work. ESPECIALLY in the military.