Reddit mentions of The New Male Sexuality, Revised Edition

My advice? Don't go the complete opposite direction and just start sexing everything in sight. People who have been living super structured lives sometimes find themselves disillusioned and even more dissatisfied with their lives after they "cut loose" due to guilt/inability to handle emotions they haven't had to deal with before. I say you should educate yourself on sex and relationships. There are plenty of good sex books on Amazon. But one of my favorites isn't even really a sex book, per se. It is called "The New Male Sexuality". As to relationships, dating is the best way to learn how to interact. You don't have to have sex or a relationship with every person you take out on a date. If there is no spark for you after 3 dates, move on (even fewer dates if you are absolutely repulsed, haha) I would wait until I find someone who cares about me to lose my virginity. Going from choirboy to the guy who picks up women at bars and has casual sex is probably not going to be the best thing for your psyche. Good Luck, man. You are going to make a few mistakes. Just try not to let them define you.

Bernie Zilbergeld, The New Male Sexuality. Amazon Book page

I feel shame, a sense of defeat, anxiety for what my brain tells me she must be thinking about me. It's emasculating. I would want to be a strong and capable partner, and I have just shown that I am not. You mentioned his withdrawal from you; that it makes you feel terrible. He is withdrawing because he has been trained to never show vulnerability, so he withdraws and tries to deny reality. In reality, he did show vulnerability, if only for a second, and you need to let him know that it doesn't change the way you feel. Encourage him to be emotionally open with himself and you.

When he withdraws, I inferred you meant to the opposite side of the bed with his back to you, follow him. Hold him just to hold him. Tell him how safe he makes you feel. Tell him how much you love him--if you are at that stage in the relationship. Don't expect any reciprocation, at least initially. This is entirely his issue with himself and how he fears you must see him now. Don't deny his feelings (e.g. say "That must feel awful," and not, "That's not true at all!"), but reiterate your love and adoration for him. He will be anxious the next several times you have sex, and to deny that reality is naive on both your parts.

Culturally, in the US anyway, as guys grow up they are taught to equate sexual prowess to self worth. The book The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld was one of the first books to openly challenge these ideas. The book explores the cultural norms that lead to this problem, and the misconceptions about sex as depicted in popular culture. Then he goes on to describe healthy ideas about sex and relationships. One idea he presents in contradiction to culturally held beliefs that "sex" means "intercourse" is that everything we call "foreplay" has to lead to intercourse. If it feels good and you both have a good time, why bash it? (a little birdie told me this is available as a torrent.)

TL;DR - He is emasculated. Enunciate your love and affection for him. If possible, open up to each other emotionally.

edit: clarity

Here is a book that's helped a good friend of mine. In the meantime, get really good at going down on a lady and know how long your turnaround time is.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553380427?cache=34bb2c244b195cca124dd09fe232b8b2&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1408989074&sr=8-1#ref=mp_s_a_1_1

My girlfried also has a lot more orgasms than I do when we have sex.... and I love it! But then again, I do cum in the end.
Your dick did not break, it is probably all in your head.

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Sexuality-Revised-Edition/dp/0553380427/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382886349&sr=8-1&keywords=new+male+sexuality

What you're describing is a pretty common problem - so know that you're not alone here! Our society places a huge amount of pressure on sexual performance, particular with men and their abilities to be hot and ready any time, any place. This unrealistic expectation just sets men and their partners up for disappointment, as nobody could possibly be ready all the time.

That being said, there are a number of things you could do to help decrease your anxiety. If you want help fast, seeing a sex therapist would be fabulous, or even a psychologist who works with anxiety could be helpful. It sounds like you have some pretty powerful anxiety-driven thoughts that are more based on your fears than in facts. A good therapist can help you tease that out, and come to a place where your thoughts reflect a more realistic picture of what's going on in your life.

If you're looking for the self-help route, The New Male Sexuality (http://www.amazon.ca/The-New-Male-Sexuality-Pleasure/dp/0553380427) gives a really great overview about how male sexuality has been changing over the years, and how to optimize your experience (along with general sexual health info, techniques, exercises, etc). For general help with anxiety, Mind Over Mood is an excellent resource for educating yourself on the nature of your thoughts, and how they impact how you feel and act. (http://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283). It's not specific to sexuality, but the same principles apply.

In general, sexual arousal is greatly affected by what's going on in your brain. If you're worried about the number of times you've had sex this month, or whether you're going to perform this time, you have less cognitive energy for simply enjoying your sexy times! Desire discrepancy between partners can be tough to negotiate, so it's really important to maintain good communication with your partner. Everyone has different wants, needs, and tendencies, and one test of a good relationship is whether you can negotiate those differences well together and come to a place where you both feel heard and understood.

I just read your post and felt empathy for your situatiom. I've been in a similar one myself (I have a small penis and trouble with premature ejaculation). For a long time I thought that I couldnt pleasure women because of it, but I've since changed my mind and I am actually enjoying a trusting and fulfilling relationship right now.

The secret to this is quite simple: girls in general doesn't like to get fucked as much as porn or other men (who are educated through porn) would have is believe. What girls care about is one thing: connection. Trust me.

I'm going to take a wild guess here, but I believe that what you want is to give a woman pleasure. I'll say it again: pleasure. The ultimate way to affirm that you've given someone pleause is that she orgasms right? Now ask yourself: what is it that makes most women experience this pleasure?

Answer: oral sex in a safe and trusting environment that makes the woman feel appreciated and beautiful. This is what makes most women feel appreciated and once I realized it's actually true (by asking people what they enjoyed and reading up on it - see for example the Kinsey Report http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports and Masters and Johnson http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masters_and_Johnson) I decided to try the following:

• Put intimacy and pleasure first.
  
• Learn how to pleasure women orally by employing the techniques in "She Comes First": http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260
  
• Understanding what women actually like themselves by reading: "The New Male Sexuality": http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Sexuality-Revised-Edition/dp/0553380427
  
  I've tried this on several women since, and trust me - size queens and petite and shy women enjoy themselves tremendously and make sounds of ecstacy in bed with me. And it's my tounge and fingers that makes them come back and choose me over well hung alphas.
  
  TL;DR - The cock is inferior to the tounge in giving pleasure. If you do it right. Women are not cock-hungry beasts, men are the ones who perpetuate that myth.

If he doesn't think it's important, asking him to do more of it might not be the best approach. Unlike the stereotypes, a guy can't necessarily just turn on his sexuality like a switch in order to do his duty for his woman. The pressure to do that if you're uncomfortable for some reason can really kill a guy's libido and give him performance problems, which in turn can make him not want to try to do stuff out of fear of embarrassment. This is particularly likely in people who are young and inexperienced or who are not used to sex in committed relationships - as well as to people who have been with someone for a long time and kind of lost track of their own needs in their commitment to the other person and perhaps the family.

Better than getting him to compromise and please you would probably be encouraging him to explore what he likes and figure himself out. Exploring that with him can be fun and bring him out of his shell more. As he figures out what he likes, he will want to do it more, which will in turn pay off for you - then you can start talking about compromises.

But asking for a compromise from somebody who doesn't want to have sex with you is a bit cruel and borderline inappropriate. Picturing a guy demanding that of a girl and it gives you a sense for why it might be a problem.

I would recommend The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld. It's a great book on this subject. Might be good reading for you as well.

There are several things you can do to slow down ejaculation.

But before we get to them, you should think about a couple of questions. These are, “How fast is too fast?”, and “Too fast for whom?” We ask you to think about these questions because many men feel insecure about their sexual staying power, and compare themselves to the fantasy standards of porno movies where guys seem to stay hard and last for hours.

So please think about this a bit. Is this something that you want to do because you want to increase your pleasure, or is it something you want to do to improve your partner’s pleasure? If it’s for your partner, have you talked to him or her about it? If not, you might find out that they’re perfectly happy with things as they stand.

That said, here are a few things you can do to last longer.

• Masturbate to orgasm an hour or two before you have sex. Many men find that it takes longer for them to come when they’ve already come recently.
  
• Wear a condom. In addition to helping prevent unwanted pregnancy and STD transmission, condoms can reduce sensation so you can last longer.
  
• The best approach is to get to know your body and to teach yourself to last longer through masturbation. Most men report that there’s a point where they haven’t come yet but know they’re about to and can’t stop it. The idea is to recognize when your body is before that point, and then to stop or slow down. In other words, before you get to the point where you know you’re going to come, you want to recognize when you’re close to going over the edge but you can still pull back. The goal is to masturbate and experiment to find this point.
  
  This technique is described in detail in the book The New Male Sexuality, Revised Edition by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., published by Bantam Books (1992).
  
  There are few techniques for temporary delay of ejaculation. These are for occasional use, and is not a substitute for learning how to control ejaculation through the ways mention above.
  
  
• The Million Dollar Point. When you are near orgasm, put a finger or two on your perinium and push in. The perinium is the middle point between the scrotum and the anus. In many men, you can press relatively hard here, hold it, and delay orgasm temporarily.
  
• The Glans Pinch. When you are near orgasm, put your thumb on top of the penis head, and index and middle finger underneath, pinch together firmly. In many men, you can pinch relatively hard here, hold it, and delay orgasm temporarily.
  
  
  SFSI volunteer
  
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Fairly well. I've read a lot about the subject. The New Male Sexuality is an excellent resource - not perfect but excellent.

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Sexuality-Revised-Edition/dp/0553380427

Maybe check out The New Male Sexuality

http://www.amazon.com/New-Male-Sexuality-Revised/dp/0553380427
I had to read this book for class, it made me realize how much pressure men go through. I would recommend it. It deals with everything, psychology drugs that might help etc.