Reddit mentions of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings on Authenticity, Connection and Courage

I had this problem a while back, and still kind of do especially when I get stressed out. Stress is a devious and hard to understand influence.

Anyway, I went 5 years without crying once and towards the end of that period I began to realize I hadn't cried in a long long time. I set out to try and make myself cry--watching crying challenges on youtube (I was unfazed), watching sad movies, etc--and it was a lot harder to get there than I expected.

In the end it became a matter of practice. And finally after a particularly stressful week I was able to cry and it was a huge relief, even though I only really shed one tear and made a really strange face for like a minute.

My point is, emotions take practice. To open yourself up emotionally is a lot like opening up stiff limbs with stretching.

One of the best tools for practice was meditating. Checking in with your body to see how it is really feeling, most of the time we are so in our head that we are not in touch with how we actually feel physically.

And in learning how to cry I added a whole new level of depth to my life and to my relationships, and I've been a lot better at expressing joy and happiness as well. Though sometimes stress gets to me and I shut down as a defense mechanism--that's just the way I operate.

There isn't anything necessarily wrong with it, but if it goes on too long and I shut out too many of the emotions I'm supposed to be feeling it creates problems.

So practice!

• Force yourself to smile each morning, practice smiling more in conversation
  
• Try to cry when you feel really stressed out, or even a little stressed out. This usually won't work, don't worry--it'll click eventually.
  
• Meditate
  
• Talk to the people in your life abut what you are facing. Even when you don't want to and it feels like a chore.
  
• Practice saying exactly how you feel. Instead of "Yeah I'm good", say "Well I'm kind of tired, but I had a great weekend and it was really nice to see my parents". Add depth to your emotional descriptions
  
• Practice vulnerability. This one is key!! Practice admitting your flaws to others, and talking about the moments of your life that you aren't so proud of, instead of always focusing on the superficial. Let people know what you really think of them.
  
  This is a great book to start off with: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588

i'm sorry you're going through a hard time. the hospital is frightening and being put in isolation is (in my opinion) the wrong thing to do to anyone who is struggling. i hope my post can be helpful to you.

i’m 28 and have struggled my whole life with what i now know is bpd and ptsd from prolonged trauma as a kid. i remember the anger, sadness and fear i used to feel growing up. I’m still learning how to deal but I only started real work on myself 2 years ago. i can only speak from my own experiences, but i feel like it's a good thing that you learned this about yourself now.

you'll start to learn ways to deal with triggers and recognizing patterns which will pay off so much as you get older. like say before you get in to college, or when you're in your early 20s trying to figure out job/career. those are going to be stressful times in your life and understanding your bpd will make those times much easier. stay in therapy, it might take a while to find someone you feel comfortable with. if you’re not comfortable with your therapist, you have the power to get a new one. it’s always going to be a lot of work, and only you can do it.

you mentioned violent voices and imagery, be kind to yourself. those thoughts will come up but they don’t need to be acknowledged as truth. those thoughts aren’t you. i consider myself a bubbly optimistic person, but things will get very dark in my mind. especially if i’m depressed or triggered. i used to run a lot of torture scenarios for myself and other people. talk therapy will teach you how to deconstruct those thoughts, let them go, or discover what’s causing them.


these are things that have helped me:

Power of Vulnerability, Brene Brown (https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588) this gave me so many ways to understand the way that emotions works.

routine: SLEEP, eat healthy and regularly, exercise. try to stay away from weed, alcohol, drugs. those things are 100% triggers for anxiety and other bad feels when you have bpd.

keep a journal. i keep a calendar where i mark my emotions, state what is giving me anxiety, what I’ve eaten, if i’ve had alcohol or drugs, who i’m physically involved with. it gives you a clear picture of cause/effect, or what patterns you might be playing out.

learning to meditate and understanding mindfulness, Tara Brach’s podcasts have been helpful for me, https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/tara-brach/id265264862?mt=2

Find the things that give you joy. go out for a walk. make something with your hands: paint, do pottery, volunteer. i’m an introvert so i need some time alone to recharge but this gets tricky because i’ll hermit hardcore and continue the spiral. everything is about balance. and balance takes a lot of practice and awareness.

be patient, kind and gentle with yourself. i used to self harm in a myriad of ways. if you do this too, you’ll need to find ways to replace those habits. there’s a saying “neurons that fire together wire together” which is kinda like- the more you exercise the part of your brain that puts you in “fight or flight” mode, anxiety, fear, pain….the faster and easier that part of your brain is going to be activated. so be kind and gentle with yourself. it’s taken me a long time to let go of different ways of self harm. therapy and some medication were the most help there.

I don't know that I'm navigating life all that well, but some little things have helped and why not share with the class? I think I have underlying mental health issues (depression, anxiety) worsened by trauma (rape, attempted rape which morphed into PTSD, I think) and a narcissistic dad.

• Books! I read so much about this stuff. I actually find therapists really terrible, because I can tell I'm more well-versed than them. Which sounds snotty, but I think I've had bad luck and, like, what am I paying you for if I can tell you're
  Here are a few helpful ones:
  Sexual healing, literally https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730
  https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933/
  PTSD and trauma: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
  Shitty men: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/
  Shitty parents: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/r
  https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/
  A Buddhist reminder that to live is to suffer: https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438
  Brene Brown, duh: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588
  (All the eating disorder books I read have been useless, and I am probably depressed and I'm certainly anxious but the literature on that never quite fits.)
  
  
• Learning to stand up for myself has been huge, but lately it has really kicked into high gear and it has involved lots of screaming. I'm really nice and polite and if I get ignored too much when I need to not be ignored, I melt down and scream. Usually the object of my screaming deserves it 100%, but I'm hoping this is just a phase because it wears me out and I feel like I'll get put in an institution one day, even though the episode never lasts more than a couple hours. I got stalked and cornered in a parking lot once, and men who come too close and don't listen to my polite, repeated requests to back off, well, they get an earful. I've had a lifetime of feeling unheard and abused, so I don't feel a ton of shame about it. I'm trying to find other productive ways, but, man, this world sucks and sometimes screaming feels like the most rational thing. (To be clear, I do this, like, once every three months max!)
  
  
• I wrote a letter to my dad once, telling him I hated all the shitty things he did to me and I cut him out of my life. Probably the best decision of my life. I did it thinking I just needed a little break, but almost eight years later, it feels pretty permanent and like it's given me the space I need to truly heal. Cut off your toxic relationships if you can!
  
  
• Venting helps immensely, whether with my friends, my mom, my journal or a therapist. I told a therapist that the main reason I found her helpful was because she was a neutral third party who had to listen to me and she got really offended. But it's true! Most of my therapists have not been able to be much more than a sounding board. I am open-minded, but their ideas were either useless or offensive. The ideas I found in books were so much more helpful (like the writing my dad a letter thing was right out of the Toxic Parents playbook! No therapist ever suggested any of that!)
  
  
• Weed is the only thing that truly helps me come down when I'm majorly triggered or anxious (ie when I have a screamy day), but Ativan isn't bad either.
  
  
• For anxiety, I do better if I've had 7 hours of sleep, no caffeine and as little sugar as possible. I always feel best if I hike, bike, run, elliptical, lift weights and swim. Being worn out keeps the anxiety at bay and I sleep better.
  
  
• I watch a lot of TV and spend a lot of time on the internet. It's a distraction and I don't find it terribly healthy or productive, and I'd usually rather be doing something else. But I get really anxious if I'm alone with my thoughts and it helps.
  
  
• I still haven't figured out if I'm an introvert or extravert and maybe it's dumb to care about, but if I'm around chill people, I tend to do much better. I read and write a lot and am shy and introspective, and I used to prefer being alone, which I guess would make me an introvert. But I've been very PTSDy lately, and having friends and family around me is a good distraction, I feel much safer and I seem fine enough that no one ever seems to comprehend how I could end up in a psych ward out of the blue one day. The thing is hanging out with friends requires money and I don't have a job because of my PTSD, so I feel myself sliding downhill. I wish I had money just so I could cook for my friends all the time or go out to dinner and drinks regularly. I get anxious about being a fucking mooch all the time :/
  
  Okay, that's prob good, right?