Reddit mentions of To My Trans Sisters

Yeah as /u/engesaurus says, small manageable bits. Don't try and conquer everything all at once. Your transition is your own, and will be unique to you. You can choose to follow how others have chosen to go through their own when it gives you strength, and ignore where it doesn't feel right for you. Feel free to ignore anything I say, its just there if you want it.

Youtube Trans Personalities can be pretty helpful as there are several people who are currently still going through their own transitions and are really up on modern transition issues. Chase Ross and Aaron Ansuini are great for a Transmasculine/Man perspective (I love to watch them even though I am a Trans woman myself, as its great to see how similar the experience is, while being different. I find it very validating and informative, but also relaxing as it means I can stop thinking about my own troubles for a while) and Stef Sanjati is fantastic for a Trans Woman perspective, hands down, she has the best advice I know. There are videos out there to cover almost any topic you can imagine and give you advice and similar experiences to learn from. I personally don't have a Non Binary youtuber I follow so I don't want to recommend any without experience of them, but im sure there are plenty out there.

There are several big boulders that you probably already know are lurking on the horizon. Legal Document Name change stuff, NHS/Private doctor transition stuff, Hormones (If you want them), Gender Therapy, Surgery options (If you want them). Each one can be huge topics to research, and there is a wealth of good info out there that the trans community has gathered, but each one can be pretty scary to start with, so its good to space these out and only approach them one by one when you are collected together enough to deal with the anxiety and stress that getting into them might cause. Once you get into one, break it down into chunks and figure out plans of how you're going to get to where you want. Some things can be done super quickly, some things take steps that will need to be planned out over the next 2-3 years. You choose the pace, and how fast or slow you want to go.

If you are Trans fem, [To My Trans Sisters]
(https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Trans-Sisters-Charlie-Craggs/dp/1785923439) is an amazing resource for starting out. So much inspiring stuff in there for a new girl on the block. I can not recommend it enough. Seriously feel free to ignore everything else I say, and just get tihs book. It has 100 letters written by the top trans women in their respective careers, including atleast one in the UK Military - Caroline Paige who served as an out Transgender woman for 15 years (and 20 before that in the closet) in the RAF flying Helis in Iraq and Afghanistan. Its filled with their own advice to you, the reader, their new younger sister.

Speaking of siblings. By coming out, you have just joined a giant family of sisters, brothers and siblings. You will never be alone. We all are here to support you and each other. If you ever need help or advice, you only need to ask, we've all been there in some form or another, we were all baby trans once. The trans community has had to forage for itself for so long that it has so much strength and solidarity. There are a lot of different trans specific subreddits which are also worth checking out if you want to find communities to engage with.

Getting together a support network is probably the biggest thing I'd advise, over the internet is good, but real face to face contact is best. People who you can hug, who can hug you back and go on a walk with you in the park. By coming out, you are starting a new page. New rules. It might surprise you who suddenly becomes the strongest friend to you. Reach out to people from your past, or from the present and forge bonds if you can. Now you're able to be yourself properly, you can truly be honest with yourself, and with others, and that can be a huge difference. There will come days where its all a bit much and you need to lean on someone briefly for emotional support. You don't need to shoulder this burden entirely in the dark. The bigger your support team, the more you can accomplish. Finding a big Trans sibling who can give advice and check on you in the early days can also be great.

Be kind to yourself. Don't expect things to be fixed right away, and don't hate yourself when things go slower than youd like. Baby steps every day, and concentrate on survival. Expect yourself to have bad days, build safety nets in advance, safe coping mechanisms, no matter how silly or short term, are still important. Early on, I would bribe myself with a nice item of clothing each time I did something big and scary. Some days you might not be prepared enough to leave your bed, be gentle, don't force yourself if something feels bad. Your mind and body take years to adjust away from the lifetime of institutionalized gender that has been forced on you. I found it helpful to do one thing everyday, so if I couldnt progress with things like legal documents or medical woes, I would do exercises that would specifically target my hips, thighs, and butt.. anything that allows you to show yourself "I'm working on it".

Know that the aware, awake part of you, that you consider you, is generally like a third of you. There is an silent two thirds which is communicating to you through dysphoria (if you suffer from it), through dreams, through general feelings, through subconscious actions. Try to listen to what those parts of your body want as well. The subconcious side of you is generally a better guide of your gender identity as it doesn't try to explain things away. But it does require patience to hear.

Read up on [Dissociativeness and Depersonalization] (https://genderanalysis.net/2017/09/themes-of-depersonalization-in-transgender-autobiographies-jan-morris/) as mental conditions. They are super super common for trans people to do with their subconcious minds being unable to process their physical bodies. As you come out and accept yourself as your real gender, you may find a lot of things suddenly pop up out of no where. Intense emotions may run wild on your ass, and it can be beautiful (support network!)

Quit smoking, hard drugs and alcohol, anything that stresses your liver. These are normally big coping mechanisms that a lot of late appearing trans people use before they come out, but afterwards those things are going to show up heavily in medical tests and delay transition (or endanger it entirely).

Finally, know that things are going to change. Sexuality, dress sense, gender presentation, gender identity.. give yourself time and space to explore things. You don't have to pin anything down right away, and you're allowed to change your mind as you go. Go with what feels right now. If it changes, in the future, then go with what feels right then.

You are starting a beautiful journey. It can be scary, and anxious, and who knows where its going, but it can also at times be exciting and make you feel more alive than youve ever felt before. Physical changes are only one part, there is so much more to enjoy and explore. There is a lot of power to be gained from your transition and what it teaches you. You've already proven yourself to have personal strength by simply figuring out you're trans, and pulling your ass up, out of the fires by yourself. That is no small task and a badge of honour. Right now you're in baby trans phase, ask questions, read current blogs, find role models, stay open, don't feel you have to jump into arguments with transphobes right away. Sit on the sidelines for now, and let other Trans folk take up that fight for now. See the links and articles they refer to. See how they handle the bigots and figure out what works and what doesnt.

If you are a Trans Man, you are a man. If you are Trans Female, you are a woman. If you are Non Binary then you are a Non Binary person. You don't need to do a single thing, change a single thing about yourself to prove that to anyone. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to answer any question you don't want to. You don't have to change the world if you don't want to, just figure out who the best you you can possibly be, that you possibly would want to be, and work towards that, day by day.

Good luck lovely. If you ever want to chat I'm just a PM away.
❄️🌸⚪️🌸❄️

To my trans sisters is probably the best place to start. You are trans enough is a logical second, and Trans like me is good too.

HUGS love you sis! Hang in there!

I found a book that really helps me when I feel down. Its letters from our "big" sisters who have already transitioned and done great things to us younger trans women just starting out.