Reddit mentions: The best literary letters

Yeah as /u/engesaurus says, small manageable bits. Don't try and conquer everything all at once. Your transition is your own, and will be unique to you. You can choose to follow how others have chosen to go through their own when it gives you strength, and ignore where it doesn't feel right for you. Feel free to ignore anything I say, its just there if you want it.

Youtube Trans Personalities can be pretty helpful as there are several people who are currently still going through their own transitions and are really up on modern transition issues. Chase Ross and Aaron Ansuini are great for a Transmasculine/Man perspective (I love to watch them even though I am a Trans woman myself, as its great to see how similar the experience is, while being different. I find it very validating and informative, but also relaxing as it means I can stop thinking about my own troubles for a while) and Stef Sanjati is fantastic for a Trans Woman perspective, hands down, she has the best advice I know. There are videos out there to cover almost any topic you can imagine and give you advice and similar experiences to learn from. I personally don't have a Non Binary youtuber I follow so I don't want to recommend any without experience of them, but im sure there are plenty out there.

There are several big boulders that you probably already know are lurking on the horizon. Legal Document Name change stuff, NHS/Private doctor transition stuff, Hormones (If you want them), Gender Therapy, Surgery options (If you want them). Each one can be huge topics to research, and there is a wealth of good info out there that the trans community has gathered, but each one can be pretty scary to start with, so its good to space these out and only approach them one by one when you are collected together enough to deal with the anxiety and stress that getting into them might cause. Once you get into one, break it down into chunks and figure out plans of how you're going to get to where you want. Some things can be done super quickly, some things take steps that will need to be planned out over the next 2-3 years. You choose the pace, and how fast or slow you want to go.

If you are Trans fem, [To My Trans Sisters]
(https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Trans-Sisters-Charlie-Craggs/dp/1785923439) is an amazing resource for starting out. So much inspiring stuff in there for a new girl on the block. I can not recommend it enough. Seriously feel free to ignore everything else I say, and just get tihs book. It has 100 letters written by the top trans women in their respective careers, including atleast one in the UK Military - Caroline Paige who served as an out Transgender woman for 15 years (and 20 before that in the closet) in the RAF flying Helis in Iraq and Afghanistan. Its filled with their own advice to you, the reader, their new younger sister.

Speaking of siblings. By coming out, you have just joined a giant family of sisters, brothers and siblings. You will never be alone. We all are here to support you and each other. If you ever need help or advice, you only need to ask, we've all been there in some form or another, we were all baby trans once. The trans community has had to forage for itself for so long that it has so much strength and solidarity. There are a lot of different trans specific subreddits which are also worth checking out if you want to find communities to engage with.

Getting together a support network is probably the biggest thing I'd advise, over the internet is good, but real face to face contact is best. People who you can hug, who can hug you back and go on a walk with you in the park. By coming out, you are starting a new page. New rules. It might surprise you who suddenly becomes the strongest friend to you. Reach out to people from your past, or from the present and forge bonds if you can. Now you're able to be yourself properly, you can truly be honest with yourself, and with others, and that can be a huge difference. There will come days where its all a bit much and you need to lean on someone briefly for emotional support. You don't need to shoulder this burden entirely in the dark. The bigger your support team, the more you can accomplish. Finding a big Trans sibling who can give advice and check on you in the early days can also be great.

Be kind to yourself. Don't expect things to be fixed right away, and don't hate yourself when things go slower than youd like. Baby steps every day, and concentrate on survival. Expect yourself to have bad days, build safety nets in advance, safe coping mechanisms, no matter how silly or short term, are still important. Early on, I would bribe myself with a nice item of clothing each time I did something big and scary. Some days you might not be prepared enough to leave your bed, be gentle, don't force yourself if something feels bad. Your mind and body take years to adjust away from the lifetime of institutionalized gender that has been forced on you. I found it helpful to do one thing everyday, so if I couldnt progress with things like legal documents or medical woes, I would do exercises that would specifically target my hips, thighs, and butt.. anything that allows you to show yourself "I'm working on it".

Know that the aware, awake part of you, that you consider you, is generally like a third of you. There is an silent two thirds which is communicating to you through dysphoria (if you suffer from it), through dreams, through general feelings, through subconscious actions. Try to listen to what those parts of your body want as well. The subconcious side of you is generally a better guide of your gender identity as it doesn't try to explain things away. But it does require patience to hear.

Read up on [Dissociativeness and Depersonalization] (https://genderanalysis.net/2017/09/themes-of-depersonalization-in-transgender-autobiographies-jan-morris/) as mental conditions. They are super super common for trans people to do with their subconcious minds being unable to process their physical bodies. As you come out and accept yourself as your real gender, you may find a lot of things suddenly pop up out of no where. Intense emotions may run wild on your ass, and it can be beautiful (support network!)

Quit smoking, hard drugs and alcohol, anything that stresses your liver. These are normally big coping mechanisms that a lot of late appearing trans people use before they come out, but afterwards those things are going to show up heavily in medical tests and delay transition (or endanger it entirely).

Finally, know that things are going to change. Sexuality, dress sense, gender presentation, gender identity.. give yourself time and space to explore things. You don't have to pin anything down right away, and you're allowed to change your mind as you go. Go with what feels right now. If it changes, in the future, then go with what feels right then.

You are starting a beautiful journey. It can be scary, and anxious, and who knows where its going, but it can also at times be exciting and make you feel more alive than youve ever felt before. Physical changes are only one part, there is so much more to enjoy and explore. There is a lot of power to be gained from your transition and what it teaches you. You've already proven yourself to have personal strength by simply figuring out you're trans, and pulling your ass up, out of the fires by yourself. That is no small task and a badge of honour. Right now you're in baby trans phase, ask questions, read current blogs, find role models, stay open, don't feel you have to jump into arguments with transphobes right away. Sit on the sidelines for now, and let other Trans folk take up that fight for now. See the links and articles they refer to. See how they handle the bigots and figure out what works and what doesnt.

If you are a Trans Man, you are a man. If you are Trans Female, you are a woman. If you are Non Binary then you are a Non Binary person. You don't need to do a single thing, change a single thing about yourself to prove that to anyone. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to answer any question you don't want to. You don't have to change the world if you don't want to, just figure out who the best you you can possibly be, that you possibly would want to be, and work towards that, day by day.

Good luck lovely. If you ever want to chat I'm just a PM away.
❄️🌸⚪️🌸❄️

Your friend is not wrong, but he's only half right. He's also framing how one deals with the negative aspects of life poorly. One should do their best to minimize the bad in life, or at least its effects. And, when possible, turn allegedly negative things to one's advantage. One should also do their best to maximize the positive aspects. A lot of it has to do with your perspective and what you focus on.

Everyone has to support themselves somehow. If the only available work is something unpleasant or undesirable, focus on what it affords you and put effort toward getting into a line of work you appreciate more. You can't prevent yourself from ever getting sick, but you can do everything in your power to stay healthy. Healthy eating, an active lifestyle, and getting regular medical checkups all have their benefits. If someone assaults you and you are permanently injured, you're going to have to cope with that, yes. But I'm sure any school worth attending will make accommodations for a student who was assaulted presuming they were made aware of the circumstances.

So, yes, you will have to learn how to cope with the bad things. But you also need to learn how to maximize the positive. Work towards a career you enjoy. Build friendships. Chase your dreams. All that. People tend to write off encouragement and positive thinking, and focus on the negative. But life is what you focus on.

If you struggle with this, I have a few recommended reads for you.

• Victor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning". He was a holocaust survivor, and he writes about how even if you take everything else away from a person, they still have the freedom to choose how they react to their circumstances. If prisoners in a concentration camp can find ways to be generous and kind to one another and bring joy and love to each other, so can you.
  
  
• Dr. David M. Burns' "Feeling Good". One of the first books written on Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), it's written in such a way that the reader can apply these therapeutic techniques to their own life. The premise is that our thoughts direct our feelings, and by learning to recognize cognitive distortions and correct our thinking, we can make large headway in dealing with depression. CBT subreddits and posts
  
  
• Seneca "Letters from a Stoic", Epictetus "The Art of Living", Marcus Aurelius "Meditations". Three books by Stoic philosophers. Stoicism was to these ancient Greek and Roman philosophers what CBT is to modern psychologists. These three books contain some of the very best summaries of this school of philosophy. This isn't esoteric, inaccessible philosophy. This is wisdom directly applicable to the very sort of problem you and your friend are dealing with. /r/Stoicism
  
  I know this was an overly long response to your question, but I hope it helps. Learning how to cope well with life is one of the most important things a person can learn. I wish you, and your friend, well.
  
  

Hi Summer!

1. Gal, I hope not! I'm 32 and honestly I've never looked younger. Basically, it's never too late!
   
   
2. I'm not sure what you mean, sorry.
   
   
3. It's highly individual in that it depends on where you are, what you look like now, and who you're talking to. You might be correctly gendered and then misgendered by two different people in the same morning! I started passing very quickly after coming out, but that's because I give people "clues" that they subconsciously cotton on to more strongly than what I actually look like, like makeup and clothing, voice and posture. If you keep on doing everything very manly-ly, I'd say most people start getting read differently by strangers between 3 and 6 months. But my friends? Yeah, they're always gonna have a problem forgetting the person I was
   
   
4. Tough call. Mine hasn't spoken to me since so probably not the best person to ask. Drop hints maybe? Prepare the ground.
   
   
5. Mostly painful 😂. Kind of exciting if you like the pain 😂😂
   
   
6. It depends on the person and the meds but mostly on the person.
   
   
7. It depends on where you are and who you're friends with. My experience in the UK has been that most women I know distrust men and most queer women would consider dating a trans woman iff they were attracted to her.
   
   
8. Youtube for makeup and pinterest for fashion is a good place to start! Elegant scarfs and plain turtlenecks with simple accessories. Learn to do plain or nude styles of makeup and do them well before going for anything complex or extravagant. Stef Sanjati on youtube is bae! <3
   
   
9. IMO--this depends on where you live and who you're friends with--it'll be easier for you to come out fully if your friends know you're queer. So start wearing guyliner and then other kinds of simple makeup and femme or androgynous clothing now. If anyone asks, just say you're experimenting with a new style. Ask that your friends call you a gender-neutral version of your deadname or your preferred name. (Sam, maybe?) I mean those are just the things I wished I'd done earlier.
   
   
10. Basically this: https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Trans-Sisters-Charlie-Craggs/dp/1785923439
    
    Good luck!

Sigh, so it goes:

Person A: As [insert prominent Voegelinian scholar] was saying to me the other day...

Straussian Person B: Who dat?...

Voegelinians have a visibility problem. There aren't many of them and one suspects this is due to a couple of factors:

1. Like Straussians, they present of a critique of modernity that comes out of reading the classics that is vaguely conservative sounding to the ears of your typical 'academic philosopher' interested in the contemporary issues in philosophy.
   
2. To the extent they are 'Voegelinian' and not 'Straussian', they don't accept Strauss' story about Jerusalem and Athens. This tends to make Straussians hostile towards them and unlikely hire them.
   
   (In my little joke of a dialogue, 'Straussian Person B' knows very well who Voegelin is and who the person being mentioned is, I've seen it happen. I'm not saying all Straussians do this all the time, but it does happen in contexts where the stakes are who fills a given job opening. And it also happens completely innocently).
   
   So Voegelinians, with an annoying minority position and without a large network to make sure they get hired, tend not to be thick on the ground.
   
   Syse, is a young Voegelian scholar from Norway who PhD thesis on natural law theory got published as Natural Law, Religion and Rights. He works at a think-tank, I believe.
   
   The Strauss-Voegelin Impasse that he was commenting on was the correspondance of Strauss and Voegelin on varios issues which ended up petering out once they figured out that they fundamentally disagreed on the whole Jerusalem/Athens distinction made by Strauss (a one line explanation). You can find this correspondence collected in the volume Faith and Political Philosophy. The correspondence was edited by two Canadians, so you should buy the book if for no other reason than to support Canadian scholarship! You'll be glad you did. They discuss an issue that is very important (Voegelin is one of the few critics of Strauss who knew the classical texts as well as Strauss did). And there are interesting little bits of academic life in the papers, such as a request from Strauss for a personal appraisal from Voegelin of the work of Karl Popper, who Strauss was trying to prevent from being hired at the University of Chicago. The discussion of Popper is most amusing.
   
   I don't know how much you know about Voegelin, but people who usually don't know a lot about him know his book The New Science of Politics published in the same lecture series and around the same time as Strauss' Natural Right and History. That book is what you might call an 'immature work' even though it was published when Voegelin was in his mid-50's. Voegelin published his best work just after that, starting in about 1965. NSP marks a point where Voegelin had a 'breakthrough' in thinking about 'history' (and it wasn't the gnosticism stuff, he ended up backing off of that pretty quickly) and it took him about 10 years of thinking and research to start being able to make sense of his breakthrough and turn it into a research program. For a good survey of this period, read Collected Essays: 1966-1985. Another interesting way to get into Voegelin (and his later work) is to read his Autobiographical Reflections, which is an edited transcript of extensive interviews Voegelin sat for a biographer, Ellis Sandoz, back in the early 1970's. A fun thing to see is the DVD Voegelin in Toronto which is a recording of a conference on the philosophical study of consciousness held at York University in 1974. Not only do you get lots of Voegelin, but there are other 'heavy hitters' in the video, Gadamer, Bloom and Lonergan to name a few.
   
   After that, there's his Collected Works to wade through, which is just as delightful to read as are those of Strauss, which, sadly, haven't yet been collected into a single authoritative edition.

I suppose one could start, like a Nobel laureate who has been mentioned, with the argument from the intelligibility of the universe.

> March 30, 1952

> Dear Solovine,

> As always, I was delighted by your last letter. As for the changes proposed by you, I am in complete agreement.

> Carl Seelig is a good man. But he takes the task that he has undertaken far too seriously, alas, with the result that he bothers everyone. Tell him whatever you think best and pass over whatever you wish in silence. For it is not always good to be presented to the public nude—or rather neuter. Make your decisions but do not communicate them to me, for I do not wish to be mixed up, even indirectly, in this affair. I did of course answer a few positive requests.

> Now I come to the most interesting point in your letter. You find it strange that I consider the comprehensibility of the world (to the extent that we are authorized to speak of such a comprehensibility) as a miracle or as an eternal mystery. Well, a priori one should expect a chaotic world which cannot be grasped by the mind in any way. One could (yes one should) expect the world to be subjected to law only to the extent that we order it through our intelligence. Ordering of this kind would be like the alphabetical ordering of the words of a language. By contrast, the kind of order created by Newton's theory of gravitation, for instance, is wholly different. Even if the axioms of the theory are proposed by man, the success of such a project presupposes a high degree of ordering of the objective world, and this could not be expected a priori. That is the "miracle" which is being constantly reinforced as our knowledge expands.

> Therein lies the weakness of positivists and professional atheists who are elated because they feel that they have not only successfully rid the world of gods but "bared the miracles." Oddly enough, we must be satisfied to acknowledge the "miracle" without there being any legitimate way for us to approach it. I am forced to add that just to keep you from thinking that—weakened by age—I have fallen prey to the parsons.

> All of us here are well, including Margot who, thanks to her operation, has developed more resistance. In the elaboration of the nonsymmetrical field theory I have found an important complement which determines the general equations of the field a priori just as the simple principle of relativity determined the equations of gravitation.

> With warmest regards to you both.
> Your
> A. E.

> I do not intend to go to Europe again in order to avoid being the central figure in a monkey farce. Besides, everything today is so close to each of us that there is less justification than ever for chasing after it.

> (Letters to Solovine: 1906–1955, pp. 117–9)

I've visited & stayed on Skye a couple of times, so this got me thinking about the transport & how awkward it would be to get a carriage on to the island by early ferry boats and how they would have fared on those roads! Google images might lead you to helpful sites faster than key word searches. I found this one:

http://exceptthekylesandwesternisles.blogspot.com/2010/02/

The journey is going to be a big deal, (meaning something you could use as a GM, or should at least mention).

I'm currently using the original Golden Dawn in a game I'm running. It's not about national & international politics, but the psychic defence of Britain in WW2 is mentioned in some books & sites I browsed when looking up other stuff. This kind of thing turns up on searches:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Magical-Battle-Britain-Dion-Fortune/dp/1908011459

https://www.newdawnmagazine.com/articles/the-british-occult-secret-service-the-untold-story.


Your presentation is very smart and I love that photo! I wish my write-ups were as neat!

Some players are more into history than others, but a lot of gamers seem to love military history, so I think that this will go down well. It seems like it will cover a variety of game experiences with something for everyone...period research, sneaking around, combat potential, scenic drama, intrigue, social interractions, supernatural etc.

The ancient world faced the question of meaning and purpose as much as us. In Marcus Aurelius' writings, I found the perseverance, nobility, and applicable philosophy that I craved after leaving the comfort of Mormonism.

For those who have suicidal thoughts, my primary advice would be to seek out a professional who can assist in working through this very serious time. You can work through it, and you owe it to your future self to persevere.

But as a supplement and a guiding life philosophy, I think Stoicism is a tremendously powerful tool. Perhaps it's not the only tool, but it certainly is one which can form a sturdy basis for weathering the existential stress and anxiety that is common to us all. We must deal with meaninglessness where we once had it clearly spelled out for us. Working through the transitory period of nihilism to something more stable and healthy is possible even within a non-theistic framework. Nature does not require our misery, so why should we be miserable in our existence?

I loved the maxims that are to be found in "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and the other Stoic philosophers. Stoicism is a close kin to modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is used by therapists today, and the richness of the philosophical tradition lends a kind of poetic frame for a full life without self delusion. The stoic concepts are simple, seemingly obvious and easy to become familiar with, but the challenge is in applying them to your life.

If you're truly destitute of meaning and hope, try Stoicism. It helped Vice Admiral James B. Stockdale through his time as a POW in Hanoi, Vietnam for 7 1/2 years - where he was tortured 15 times, placed in solitary confinement for over 4 years, and in leg irons for 2 years. If anyone had a reason for hopelessness, it was him. He later wrote about his experience in "The Stoic Warrior's Triad" and "Master of my Fate", along with "Courage Under Fire: Testing Epictetus' Doctrines in a Labratory of Human Behavior". Imagine facing a seemingly interminable future of misery, but even in this darkness finding something so powerful that you survived and even thrived. That's the power of Stoicism.

In addition to getting a real therapist to work with, and not as a substitute mind you, read "Man's Search for Meaning" and go through the following links, starting at the top and working your way down. By the time you're done, I think you'll have a ready tool to use as you continue on with life outside Mormonism.

The Obstacle is The Way, by Ryan Holiday (a good entry text - don’t skip the reading recommendations at the back)
Letters from a Stoic, by Seneca
Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius (Gregory Hays translation)
The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch (video)
“On the Shortness of Life" Four Hour Blog, Translated by John W. Basore, highlighted by Tim Ferriss
A long podcast conversation with Ryan and Tim Ferriss discussing Stoicism
Achieving Apatheia (slideshare), Ryan Holiday
A lecture series, Marcus Aurelius
The Stoic Life (website about stoicism)
Man in the Arena - Teddy Roosevelt

For criticism of HPL's works i would highly recommend:

Dissecting Cthulhu

A Subtler Magick: The Writings and Philosophy of H.P. Lovecraft

Lovecraft: Disturbing the Universe
or any volume in the Lovecraft Annual




For Biography on Lovecraft:

H.P. Lovecraft: A Life

...or the expanded version of the above I Am Providence




And Lovecraft's letters (edited and compiled by Joshi) are really the best way to get deep into Lovecraft, although I'll warn you, you really are reading HPL's conversations with his friends, so there is a tremendous amount of biographical detail, but not a terrible amount in the way of talk about his own work. Some of the best:

Letters to James F. Morton

A Means to Freedom: The Letters of H.P. Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard

O Fortunate Floridian: H.P. Lovecraft's Letters to R.H. Barlow

Like others suggested, copy others that you wish to emulate. eventually their style and diction will become part of your own. I too wanted to be better expressing myself with the written word but more so when it came to expressing love and being a bit seductive. I rewrite passages from this book and also this one. I am not saying I have the wit of Oscar Wilde or the machismo of Lord Byron, but give me 30 minutes and I can write a cheesy love letter that would make most women exhale in a sigh of contentment.

I spent all of 3 minutes doing a search, but came across this book: The Letters Of The Tsar To The Tsaritsa 1914-1917

The best source of information would be something like personal letters or diaries of people like the Royal family describing Rasputin or by Rasputin himself

How much such documentation survived the Russian Revolution, I don't know. Another issue is how much has been translated into English. Well at least this book.

But there are just so many political and personal agendas swirling around these figures when they were living and even after they died, it would be hard to cut through all that. So I think letters/diaries are the best place to start.

Ok, so with movies, the argument is always made (which I disagree with) is that it's difficult, since you can't sell targeting ONLY trans audiences.

What has been done is a few movies have been made with a high level of authenticity and truth, only possible through writers, actors, producers and various people involved. Trans characters must be played by trans actors.

Movies:

Queens at Heart, 1967 - Quite offensive and dated and a bit painful to watch, but trans girls speaking for themselves, mostly from NYC, at the time

Funeral Parade of Roses, 1969 - Documentary on LGBT+ people in Japan, esp trans people, at the time

Paris is Burning, 1988 - Documentary on the Ball Scene in the 1980s

[All About My Mother, 1999] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gSXcB7cltQ) - Debatable, somewhat

Boy Meets Girl, 2014 - Debatable, somewhat

Something Must Break, 2014 - Swedish with subtitles, a bit graphic if you can handle it

Tangerine, 2015 - Debatable, since you have messy SW cliches, but more relevant as people are getting forced on the stroll with SESTA/FOSTA now

Sense8, 2015 - The character of Nomi was done quite well.

A Fantastic Woman, 2017 - Spanish with subtitles

Pose FX, 2018 - Yes, it's a series, but really good

Books:

Nevada, Imogen Binnie, 2013 - Definitely made for a trans audience in mind

To my trans sisters, Charlie Craggs, 2017 - Definitely made for a trans audience in mind

*These are all only focusing on trans women, my apologies for not paying close attention to films on everyone else, I default to things I relate to, personally.

HUGS love you sis! Hang in there!

I found a book that really helps me when I feel down. Its letters from our "big" sisters who have already transitioned and done great things to us younger trans women just starting out.

Yeah. Well perhaps "equally" lonely.

Anyhow, I'm sure many artists wander these boards. Letters to a Young Poet was ineffably helpful in holding loneliness/solitude as something valuable.

And also, a nice quote from the great American painter, Andrew Wyeth:
>"I think anything like that - which is contemplative, silent, shows a person alone - people always feel is sad. Is it because we've lost the art of being alone?"

Absolutely. If you're interested in the friendship between them, the collected letters between them have been published in a two-volume set by Hippocampus Press. They're 55 bucks together, but you can sometimes get them for less on eBay, etc.

http://www.amazon.com/Means-Freedom-Letters-Lovecraft-Robert/dp/0984480293
http://www.hippocampuspress.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1_5&products_id=7&zenid=1cd889d3e25ff2304aff7d03300ab221

Some of Howard's best stories are set in the Lovecraft Mythos. Check out stories like "Worms of the Earth" and "The Black Stone." I'd suggest The Horror Stories of Robert E. Howard if you're like to read more, though most are available-ish in the public domain:

http://www.amazon.com/Horror-Stories-Robert-E-Howard/dp/0345490207

Shaw had quite the telegram wit. When the American Theatre Guild asked him to shorten his play: "PLEASE ALTER FOURTH ACT OF "ST. JOAN" SO COMMUTERS CAN CATCH LAST TRAIN TO SUBURBS"

he replied: "ALTER THE TRAINS."

Stealth edit: This is from the same book DrunkDylanThomas mentions below, Telegram! by Linda Rosencrantz. Though I actually first encountered it in the excellent book Letters of the Century, edited by Lisa Grunwald and Stephen J. Adler

The letters of Robert Lowell and Elizabeth Bishop to each other. The first few pages were very, very subtle, with very subtle hints of romance, deep friendship, and somehow their infidelity. Their personal lives. But if you were for their perception on writing, they constantly critique each other and others in their circle like Auden, Howe, Plath, Allen Tate, etc. Though the core of their conversations are intrinsically personal, some insight on writing can still be reaped.

Some pages can be read here: http://www.solearabiantree.net/namingofparts/pdf/articles/travisanowordsinair.pdf

Your latter solutions are more appropriate for her birthday. The anniversary is about you both. Your first ideas are good ones.

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Letters-Great-Men-Vol/dp/1440496021

May be this would work, to offer some scope of your affection.

I use to have a Harry Potter journal that had black pages like that and came with a gold gel pen, it was really cool. I have seen black binder pages that are exactly as you described, and journals. Like this

https://www.amazon.com/Black-Paper-Journal-College-Ruled/dp/179872409X/ref=mp_s_a_1_16?keywords=black+paper&qid=1564482816&s=gateway&sr=8-16#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div

https://www.ssww.com/item/basic-black-filler-paper-OC1003/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsLa8rrjc4wIVl5OzCh0RYw75EAQYAiABEgL0mfD_BwE

At least in the US, you can find Eumeswil on Amazon here, although it's pricey for a paperback. I'd also recommend The Forest Passage, which sort of prefigures the idea of the Anarch.

As a side note, relatively extensive correspondence between Heidegger and Junger was finally translated and published (in 2016, but I haven't had time yet). All of it is Post-WWII, and I imagine there are some pretty revealing passages.

Speaking of redpill reading, I feel the need to shout out Jack Donovan here. Two of his books, "The Way of Men" and "Becoming a Barbarian" have been absolutely revolutionary for me. These are dangerous books, full of dangerous ideas. The former one, in particular, is an excellent primer in masculine virtue. I bet I've given half a dozen copies away. Read them, learn them, commit them to memory. Also recommended: "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and "Letters from a Stoic" by the one and only Seneca.

Ugh more idiocy. Have fun!

https://twitter.com/LettersOfNote

Links to Amazon Book 1 https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Note-Collection-Correspondence-Deserving/dp/1452134251/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479315313&sr=8-1&keywords=letters+of+note

Book 2 https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Note-Collection-Correspondence-Deserving/dp/1452153833/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1479315313&sr=8-2&keywords=letters+of+note

The Stoics would say pick a few books and master those first, before jumping into a whole bunch of different topics.

So start with the Enchiridion and Discourses and really sink your teeth into it. There's enough in there to last a long time. Read a discourse, think about it, write a summary, pick it apart with examples from your own life, and so on.

Seneca's letters would also be a good read for you at this age:

https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Stoic-Epistulae-Lucilium-Classics-ebook/dp/B002RI99KK/

There is an entire book that will make you cry manly tears, and also give you a few good laughs. It's made up entirely of letters like the ones in this story (from the Revolutionary War through Vietnam). I highly recommend it:

Letters of a Nation by Andrew Carroll

I have a little poetry from Keats if your interested, specifically this copy.

There's a book that retells Dion Fortune's magical efforts to protect Britain agains Nazi magic.

The OP specifically mentioned the hardback edition, which is going for $400-$450 on Amazon.

I agree that $36.38 isn't bad for the two-volume paperback edition, but even that might be beyond some people's means.

Or just go for Amazon; it might not be exactly cheap but it's not hugely expensive either.