Reddit mentions of Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery

Congratulations! This is a big step forward for you and it is what you deserve out of life. Well done!

As someone who has been through something similar, I have an idea of what you are looking at, and I am with you. To move forward, it is worthwhile to understand the effects of abuse in the brain. The simple fact is that being in an abusive relationship had an impact on your brain and brain development, especially as a young person. The effects of verbal abuse on the brain are the same as physical abuse.

At the end of my abuse I was literally like a punch drunk boxer, staggering around the ring not knowing what year it was. There was like a fog over my perceptions, emotions, and decision making that kept me from living my life. This was partly due the damage being done by the abuse, but also a mechanism that my brain used to protect me from more. The fog still manifests itself as an inability to take action, especially ones that I know will benefit me. One part of my brain knows what to do, and another seems to not allow me to do it. I consider this an 'echo' of the abuse, and it diminishes over time (but hasn't gone away). I do struggle to take care of myself in basic ways at times. Sometimes it is hard for me to get out of bed.

The big thing to understand is that you have been through a physical trauma, and it will take your brain time to recover. You need to give yourself the time and the emotional space to do that. It might seem like other people are moving forward with their life and you are standing still. However, you need time to have your brain return to normal. I left my relationship three years ago and I am just now starting to feel emotionally whole every day. It is easier today, but it till a while for it to get there.

Over time you will find it easier to take action and make decisions. It just takes time and patience, which is really hard right now. Just love yourself and trust yourself to get better. This is going to be a season of learning and introspection, take the time to learn about who you are, where you are, and what you need to thrive. Once you have a better handle on this, action is a little less scary.

Don't force things, especially by jumping into another relationship. You are uniquely vulnerable right now and could very easily fall into the hands of another abuser. They really do prey on vulnerable people, and it is all too easy to fall into the hands of someone who promises to make it all go away. You don't owe anything to anyone, except to yourself.

HINT: this won't go away until you are heathy and know yourself well enough to make good decisions. You will just start establishing a pattern.

I would most strongly recommend looking into anything by Patricia Evans. Her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship helped me to get a language around what had happened to me and Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out helped me understand I was not alone. If you can't afford these, check at your library or PM me and I will buy you a copy.

Counseling and therapy were invaluable for me as well.