(Part 2) Best products from r/AskParents

My kids are bit older now but I do miss buying for little ones - it's so rewarding 😊.

Sounds like you need something as a keepsake and that will appeal now. Children often love money boxes/ piggybanks and this kind may do as a memento too: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Beatrix-Potter-Flopsy-Mopsy-Cotton/dp/B00IN4V9UA/ref=sr_1_60?keywords=child+keepsake+gift&qid=1555937728&s=gateway&sr=8-60.

It can be a nice way to start teaching them about saving too.


Another idea may appeal is a baby tooth keeper and organiser. Brilliant for when they start working with the tooth fairy and a nice keepsake for later on https://www.amazon.co.uk/pengxiaomei-Organizer-Wooden-Keepsake-Storage/dp/B07N8NPBP4/ref=sr_1_61?keywords=child+keepsake+gift&qid=1555937728&s=gateway&sr=8-61


Books are a great idea. Key is that they are bright, fun, and as a gift / memento go hardback. For little ones some good options are the Butterworth books eg https://www.amazon.co.uk/Springy-Percy-Park-Keeper-Story/dp/0008279861/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=butterworth+book&qid=1555938626&refinements=p_n_binding_browse-bin%3A492563011&rnid=492562011&s=books&sr=1-1. Or Michael Rosen's Little Rabbit Foo Foo https://www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Rabbit-Foo-Michael-Rosen/dp/0744598001/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Rabbit+foo+foo+book&qid=1555938841&s=books&sr=1-1-catcorr. Or anything DR ZEUSS: still a HUGE fun favourite and helps with early literacy.

So is the 6 month old starting to crawl yet or showing an interest? Some of my son's former favorites:


learn and play zoo This one was great because it was the only way for him to do tummy time

Manhattan toy company sensory thing It was just great for him to learn grasping and made a rattle. Wonderful in the car

Mortimer the moose Just a simple toy that makes noises (bell in one hoof, squeeker in the body, etc.

play tower May be a little advanced but he will just love watching it and start to understand where to put the balls once he get s a bit older

play cube This one he could sit and play with for a while. It's light so he can pick it up and move it

my personal favorite-spinning tower toy This is a favorite for all ages. A little young at 6 months but he will probably watch it in amazement. My son is now 14 months and understands the concepts well, but before he just loved watching the disks spin. It's been a toy given at many a 1st birthday parties


I hope that gives you a decent start. Good luck!

First of all, the fact that you are asking speaks volumes. I'm sure you'll do great.

We bought this book- Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553520571/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_h63BxbX683MEZ

And my husband read to our little guy (my belly) before bed all the time so he could hear his daddy's voice. Sometimes he would kick in response. Definitely a good bonding practice. Keep talking to him after he is born. You don't need to talk in a special voice. Just talk to him. And hold him. Smell his sweet baby smell.

When the baby comes generally the mom does skin to skin. The baby is placed on her bare chest and encouraged to nurse right away. The more skin to skin the better. You can do this too! (Minus the nursing), and it's said to greatly facilitate bonding. This is something that can and should be done for weeks to come as well.

Also (and this is a bit outside your question and my personal opinion, but) just be there for your wife. If she's going to nurse bring her water every time (you get SO THIRSTY). Wait on her whenever you can and share in the taking care of your little one. It's really that simple. At first they sleep so so much and need to eat at least every three hours, that's literally all you guys will do besides changing the odd diaper and reveling in the few moments when your little bundle is awake. By being a good husband like this you are also setting a good foundation for bonding with your son because you are investing into a united family dynamic. Just be a family, and embrace your role as the father/husband/family protecter. Trust me it's easy to feel fiercely protective over such a little helpless and sweet life. The bonding and love should come naturally. Don't over think it. You'll do just fine :)

Edit: sorry forgot to add tips on the first few months. Honestly, just go with the flow and do what feels right. Don't get caught up in anyone else's opinions. When you get frustrated, remember that everything is a phase. Baby crying? It will pass. Not sleeping? You'll be fine. One day it will be over and you'll miss the tiny, sweet baby that needed you so much. When you and your wife don't see eye to eye remember different isn't always wrong. And lastly just put your son first. It makes every decision really simple. It also tends to wipe out some of the frustration, when you remember that it's just not about you (or just you/your wife) anymore.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, getting her into counseling and working with the school. What type of therapy is she receiving? Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard for anxiety treatment, including separation anxiety - the therapist should be doing more than just talking with her about the issue, but working with you and her to gradually expose her to the feared situations.

In the meantime this website is a great resource for dealing with separation anxiety, and What to Do When You Worry Too Much is a fantastic little CBT-based workbook for kids with any form of anxiety (aimed at kids slightly older than your daughter, but I think she could benefit from reading parts of it with you).

If she's a fan of Daniel Tiger, definitely watch the episode about how "grown-ups come back", and Sesame Street has some great separation anxiety resources too - http://www.sesamestreet.org/toolkits/challenges. Maybe try watching the video clips with her and talking about how the characters feel just like her, and the ways they learn to cope with that (and maybe try implementing some of those ideas, whether it's a special goodbye secret handshake, or taking a photo of you with her, etc). Also some good stories on this theme are The Kissing Hand and Llama Llama Misses Mama - again, it may help her to see that other kids have the same feelings, but it always works out okay.

Lastly, make sure both parents and her teacher are on the same page with whatever you are trying - consistency is super important for a kid struggling with anxiety issues.

Best of luck!

Ok, if you're breastfeeding, you kind of are a human pacifier. This feeling passes eventually, but that is totally normal! Since your little one is only a month old, it might not be too late to introduce the bottle (if you want/need to pump) if you haven't already. My daughter accepted both breast and bottle (Dr. Browns, and Munchkin), and that was a big help.

Concerning Waking to Feed: As far as waking to feed, my philosophy was always "Never wake a sleeping baby!". The exception for this was if she turned herself to where I thought her breathing was obstructed. If Baby is hungry, they will wake themselves up. However, if your pediatrician feels your little one isn't gaining enough weight or getting sufficient nutrition from baby-led only feedings, then that's where you might consider scheduling some feedings. One of the things I'm thinking is whether or not your doctor is from an older generation. It used to be the recommendation for moms to put their kids on a feeding schedule--especially when formula was the most recommended form of infant diet. Since then, research has shown that a schedule isn't necessarily better for kids, and for some it can be detrimental (at least from what I've read).

Concerning Pacifier: I've never heard of a pacifier giving a baby gas, and pacifiers don't affect teeth until the kid has enough to affect. Usually about a year or older, which is when you'd have similar issues with thumb-sucking, too. When she took pacifiers, my daughter liked the Soothie and MAM brands. Then she started refusing the pacifiers to the point where she'd throw it across the room and suck her thumb instead. The MAM brand is praised for being the choice of orthodontists, while the Soothie brand is used/given at most hospitals. My girl was in the NICU for a little bit and we used those, so I think that's part of why she liked them, they were just familiar. In the end, it comes down to what Baby likes--some are more picky than others.

Concerning Waking after de-latch: Hooooooo boy. This is common. Welcome to the trenches, Mama. The solution that worked for me was I would break the seal (sometimes slow, sometimes fast), and pop a pacifier in right away. Usually she fussed a little, so I held the pacifier in and snuggled her close so she could tell I was still there with her. Then she usually fell back asleep after holding that position for a bit. Transitioning her into the crib was a whole other set of skills, though....

This is what has worked for me and my daughter. I have a son on the way, and it would be I need different stuff and strategies for him simply because he is a different person. You and your child are different people, so there might be things that work better for you.The most important thing is that you survive, and that your baby knows you love them--and it sounds like you're doing a great job at both of those already! Best of luck!

Edit: spelling

I don't think you're overthinking, I think you're doing awesome. I think even as a religious person who actively studies her faith, I will sometimes struggle with the theological questions my kids throw at me. Sometimes they are deep! I think honesty is one of the most important things in the world and I think it is good say "I don't know" when you really don't know- but I usually follow with an "I'll find out" or I try to lead them to where they can (so in this case it seems like Grandma.)

Now as a Catholic, I don't teach my kids to believe God is a magical genie who grants my wishes. That is definitely not true (I don't know any religion that teaches that) and I think can be very confusing and ultimately heartbreaking for a child because when they realize God doesn't always grant you your wishes then it's because they did something bad or because maybe God doesn't love them or because then he must not exist. If you are not wishing to challenge her belief in God, I wouldn't tell her you don't believe in Jesus or that you give her things and not God because that's confusing- basically I wouldn't deny God's love for her or his existence. She's your daughter and she wants to know you and what you believe. So it's not something that you're against but more so neutral on- that's what I would communicate to her. So when she says these things, I would just tell her "That's not something I don't know too much about." Or "I don't know about that." She will get the picture you don't have certainty one way or another on the subject so she can choose to believe what grandma taught her but she also can choose your ambivalence toward the subject as well.

I do agree with other posters that buying her books would be positive. If it's a connection you want to foster between her and your parents then maybe let your parents spearhead that. There's one little Bible I like that I think is kid level but pretty deep at the same time that a good friend of mine likes- she is very Agnostic while her husband is a light Catholic but follows her lead on the kids. It's called the Jesus Storybook Bible. Look it up and see if it suits you. Good luck!

I'm working with my son on this right now. My sister is a teacher and has helped me get started on this. There are two main schools of thought in terms of teaching reading, phonics and 'whole language'.
The current 'winner' seems to be phonics (Phonics is where you learn the general sounds each letter makes and you sound-out words.), with the addition of teaching 'sight words'. Sight words are a set of words that are most common in reading and that you should know by sight. "Fry's sight words" are a really good resource. The first 25 words make up 1/3 of all we read!

I'm assuming your brother knows all upper case and lower case letters? If not you should start there. My sister then said it is good to start with a little bit of multiple approaches, if that makes sense. You don't want to work on sight words only, for example. So, start with the first two sight words ("the" and "of). Write them clearly on a blank index card and tell him what words they are, and then as he starts to learn them, add in more ("and" is the next word, etc). Use these multiple times a day. When he first wakes up, before breakfast, when you're about to leave somewhere, during a snack, while in the car is another great spot, etc. They are so quick and repetition will help him learn them quickly. Knowing these key words by sight will be a big confidence booster when he's reading.

Request from your library "Leapfrog Letter Factory" which is an awesome introduction to phonics, and has a game at the end where you have to guess which letter makes the sound. My son loved this. Additionally, work on his name, say what sound the first letter makes, and dot-out each letter of his name and have him trace it. Note that the Leapfrog DVD introduces the most common sound each letter can make, but there are more than those out there, and there are a lot of rules.

After the basic phonics introduction, you can start showing him how to make the word "at", and how you can add a letter in front of it to make bat, cat, fat, hat, mat, etc.

After the basic introduction, look at things like Bob books from the library.

They key is to do this consistently, several times a day for short periods each time so they don't burn out.

And you're quite an awesome big brother for doing this! Learning to read is surprisingly complicated but if you break it down into small segments he'll start getting it. Good luck!

You're looking for an epistemology of parenting, eh?

Eenteresting. Good to do while you have the opportunity. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy, but it's good to go in with general principles.

There's three kinds of resources: facts (what's this rash), philosophy (what principles are best) and decision-making (given these facts, what's the best decision in line with these principles).

It's important to keep the three clearly separated.

Get your facts from people with relevant degrees from real universities, preferably with peer review, who aren't trying to sell their book and who haven't stuck out on their own against Big Dermatology, etc. Get them from a range of such sources, to average out anomalies.

Get your philosophy from people who give a shit about kids. First ask if they sound compassionate, then ask if they sound sensible. Ask whether you'd want to slap them if they tried to advise you at 3am while you were cleaning projectile diarrhoea out of the carpet. Ask whether they're actually promoting an end, or just their favourite means. Can you generalise their philosophy to arbitrary situations? Does it feel right, have they got their head screwed on and their feet on the ground?

Your decision-making... will mostly be your own, when the rubber hits the road. The life of a new (or even new-ish) parent is hectic and stressful, and you just have to deal with things as they happen. But for the stuff you have space to at least nominally decide on in advance (given that 80% of it will go to hell when actually put into practice), give it half a dozen different sanity checks. Is it the best thing for your child? Does it sound sane and reasonable? Is it realistic in your situation, or was it suggested by someone with unlimited space, time, rest and money? Will it hold up to extremely stressful situations with your kid being extremely fucking unreasonable? Does it involve being a dick to your kid? Would it make you feel like some kind of asshole? Is it going to be sustainable, or is it going to exhaust you into an early grave? Does it contribute to raising an adult, while still giving your kid a childhood? Does it help teach them to do dangerous things safely? Does it balance support and independence? Will your family be happier for it overall?

I don't have many specific resources to recommend; mine's just turning 11 after all.

Our paediatrician wrote an extremely good book: Baby On Board. It was absolutely fantastic and I can't recommend enough, especially in the first year. It's helpful, down to earth, extremely damn sensible, and backs up its recommendations with solid science.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution comes very highly recommended; please read up on cortisol levels and neural development if you're considering CIO techniques.

Other than that... ask me, because I know everything, and am the Best Person. :D

It sounds like you need to some more learning about what parenting could look like for you and then decide with your new knowledge whether that is something you really want. I recommend a few things.

1. The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth has a lot of great info. It's premature in a way but you seem to want to know what conception and pregnancy would actually be like and this book covers all of it, with comments and stories from real women along with more clinical information on IUI, ICI, IVF, donor sperm, being the non carrying partner, etc. Also lots of lists of additional resources in the book. https://www.amazon.com/Essential-Guide-Lesbian-Conception-Pregnancy/dp/1555839401
   
   
2. Book a few sessions with a therapist to talk through this. You do need a sounding board and you said you don't have one. Find a lesbian friendly therapist and explain that you just want to talk through your thoughts on whether or not youd like to be a parent. 3-5 sessions could do a lot to clarify your thought process.
   
   
3. Check with local LGBT centers for parenting resources. There may be groups or info sessions for people considering parenting, which is exactly what you are looking for. Lots of people have these questions.
   
   
4. Check online for lesbians planning parenting. Lots of lesbian moms out there through biological pregnancy and through adoption or parenting kids in foster care. Look around for blogs and boards, read some stories, ask some questions.
   
   It sounds like you just need to get a better sense of how this could all take shape. Once you have more info you will be better able to tell what path is for you.

I’m a big believer in The Kazdin Method by Dr Alan Kazdin PhD. He is the head of the Yale Parenting Clinic and head of Child Psychology at Yale University. He takes an evidence based approach and uses what’s been proven effective. The gist of his approach is: 1) focus on the positive opposite, in other words tell the child what you want them to do, 2) coach and practice the behavior with them in a non stressful environment and offer up specific, enthusiastic praise, 3) que them up to help set them up for success and 4) always offer specific and enthusiastic praise when they are performing the behavior.

For example, let’s say you want your child likes to run off around the house. Instead of telling your child to “stop running” you would use the positive opposite of “walking.” Once you’ve identified the behavior you want, you would take a minute to coach them on it when it isn’t stressful! allow them to practice, and praise them for walking. Throughout the day when you see them walking, praise it. If they’re running then you can que them up with “walking” and praise them when they comply. If they have a habit of running into the home when you get home, then you can que them up while you are pulling in, “remember that we walk inside the home...” and then praise when they walk. You can also utilize a “sticker chart” or when they get older a “checklist” to help, but praising is the important thing.

With regards to unwanted behaviors, his advocates for “extinction.” How do you extinguish a behavior? By not giving it any attention. Extinction, in and of itself, is not the strongest way to change a behavior, but when you couple it with reinforcement of the positive opposite, it can be a powerful tool. For example: just ignoring your child’s whining is not as effective as doing this but also being very alert to when your child makes a request, without whining, and saying “please”, and rewarding this accomplishment. Granted, you aren’t going to just ignore a child running with scissors, but hopefully you get the idea.

You would really need to be on the same page with your SO for any strategy to work, because you definitely don’t want to send conflicting messages. If you have an unhealthy and/or abusive relationship with an SO then I would suspect there are bigger issues that need to be addressed and professional help will be required to help any child process it.

Why not be in charge of conversation, so that you have control over what your daughter begins to learn, instead of letting your daughter accidentally learn it from someone else, somewhere else? We (parents) were the ones who brought up birds and bees with our daughter and didn't wait for her to get curious. Just like we did with other topics - Hey kiddo, do you know why bears hibernate? Hey kiddo, how do you think babies are made? At first we'd let her tell us and then guide her towards the right answers. Not all at once of course, but with each conversation.

Don't wait, get your daughter It's not the stork, and The care and keeping of you and read the first few pages together. Then let her read the books by herself and let her know that you're always there if she has any questions. That's what we did with my oldest. Sex topics are as mundane in our household as discussing groceries and our 9 year old has 0 reservations coming to us with any questions.

Is it possible your daughters are not asking you anything because they don't feel comfortable asking you about such topics? Do they know that they can come to you and ask about anything under the sun?

How did the bra come about? Did your daughter go to your ex and told him she wanted a bra?

Did your ex just go out and buy one? In that case, I would thank him for being thoughtful, but remind him that perhaps she isn't ready for it yet. Obviously the best solution here is to be on the same page with your ex, so perhaps you can start a dialog where despite your differences you both want what's best for your kids and not trying to present yourself as a better parent while the other one sucks.

I loved looking at picture books and asking my son to point at different things, colors, etc. It gives good insight into what they understand without them needing to talk. The My First books (like this: First 100 Words) were great for this - labeled pictures with no story.

I absolutely loved doing sign language with my son. I highly recommend the Baby Signing Time videos - I think you can find them on YouTube. They also have a preschool series called Signing Time. Songs are cute and help kids with vocabulary and early reading, in addition to learning sign language.

One of my favorite memories was when my son, about 1yo at the time, heard a garbage truck early on the morning. He was obsessed with garbage trucks, and he sat up and started excitedly signing truck in bed. I thought it was so cool that at such an early age, he could 1) identify what he heard, 2) communicate what it was to me, and 3) express how excited he was.