Reddit mentions of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

>Should I break up with my "shitty" "friends"? Is that even possible? Is it even worth it, because if I do it and my new grade doesn't like me, I'll fall between the cracks and I'll be forever alone atleast till I graduate in 3 years.

Ahhh, this is what I was looking for.

Want people to like you? VALUE THEM.

That's literally all you need to do. You don't need to play sports, look sexy, have a good haircut, wear nice clothes, smell good, have a million bucks... you just need to value people.

You don't have "shitty friends." You are a shitty friend.

You feel your friends are holding you back from climbing up the social ladder. So you are willing to abandon them at any point to "trade up" for new friends, who are hopefully "cool."

The only reason you don't do this is you feel if you take that risk, you might just lose all your friends.

You're right about that.

Start valuing your friends. That is how you will start valuing yourself. The only reason you don't like your friends is because you see a reflection of yourself in them. So if you start liking your friends, you'll start liking yourself.

When you start liking yourself, others will start liking you.

View all human beings as equal. There are no "cool kids" and non "cool kids." There are just human beings. And they all want to be valued. And none of them are being valued.

If you can value them, they will like you, and you will like yourself.

Read:

"How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie"

"Just Listen – Mark Goulston"

I am going to be honest, I struggle sometimes myself keeping up with the conversation or keeping the conversation up but I always prefer former case.

My rule is to try to make other person to talk 65-70% of time, if that happens I win and conversation will never die! I know that for a fact. WHY?

1. Because that whole time they will give me stuff to build the conversation on and ask them questions on it.
   
2. Everyone loves to talk, you just have to get them started on their favorite topic or their passions!
   
   Two of my biggest takeaways were:
   
3. If you ask people about their experiences then they start talking about their adventures/misadventures. This is the key point as no one asks them about their adventures in life. Everyone asks them about 'What do you do' which in my opinion is shittiest question of them all. WHY?
   People most of the time hate their jobs and thus they are not pleased about you bringing memories and visuals of their workplace in their mind. Also, it makes you superficial and superior asshole if you are working at a better place/position or a useless valueless person who works at a position lower than them.
   
4. Try to get people to feel about what they are saying as soon as possible rather than thinking! When they think, they will still consider you as stranger danger and probably wont give you time to prove otherwise. If you make them feel something, they start to like the conversation and also people are shit bored of conversations in which they have to think! They already have less bandwidth for their shit for thinking and you are burdening them with thinking for your shit too!
   
   > it will often lose steam after a while with some people
   
   Try things I mentioned above to see if it still dies down, if it does, trust me, get away from these people, they are just vortex trying to absorb anything and everything and are not worthed to talk to anyhow! If they dont, just keep listening and asking questions.
   
   This is the book that literally changed the life of my conversations:
   Just Listen: http://www.amazon.com/Just-Listen-Discover-Getting-Absolutely/dp/0814414036
   
   My improv teacher suggested me to read this book when one year ago I asked him: "Alex, how can I be a master conversationalist, being the life of every group, every conversation, making anyone like me to the point where they are naturally magnetized by my presence and me speaking"
   I know, its a very heavy statement, he said: "Just listen!" :)
   
   Hope this helps
   Cheers
   Falcon

The book "Just Listen" is exactly about this. I know you are looking for some simple answers, but there really aren't. This is a subject that has been ignored in our entire academic career. With that said, if I had to say one thing, it would be if you want to make conversation interesting, remember one of the primary goals is to make people hear something they like (whether it's good or bad). If you don't listen with that perspective, you will struggle to be relatable, and really, being relatable is what it means to being a good listener.

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Listen-Discover-Getting-Absolutely/dp/0814414036/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375671856&sr=8-1&keywords=Just+Listen

Check out this book, it's fantastic. Here is a great review with a summary of/notes from the book.

He also wrote a great article about how to listen to someone who is venting (the skills/approach he proposes can be used in many circumstances, not just when people are venting).

Edit: Fixed hyperlinks.

Read the book "Just Listen" as it will give you an edge on any negotiation. The author trains SWAT teams to negotiate with terrorists and hostage takers.

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Listen-Discover-Getting-Absolutely/dp/0814414036