Reddit mentions of Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict (For Fans of More Love Less Conflict or The Five Love Languages)

Garg and I are making a new resolution to go through this book together. https://www.amazon.com/Communication-Miracles-Couples-Effective-Conflict/dp/1573245836/ref=zg_bs_282915_27?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Q94D7HY1SH22JFBW241R

My reading interests are varied; right now it's a couples' relationship book. It's got a stupid name but actually is pretty excellent:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1573245836/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1419322680&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40&dpPl=1&dpID=41Cjxj7SFJL&ref=plSrch

Edited for grammar. :)

Communication issues are great because it's something that can be worked on, instead of something permanent and fact that you have to just accept. You two have already promised to work on it and recognize that this is a problem and that's fantastic. You guys are off the great start.


The issue is, you can't just promise it and hope for the best and expect it to get better. It will take time, mistakes, patience, understanding, and more of that willingness to make this work.


Here are a few things to try:

1. Don't use "you" accusing statements. Instead of "You hurt me when you did X" say " I felt hurt when X."
   
2. Empathize with her. When she is yelling or getting mad about something, don't correct her even though you feel you are in the right. Just genuinely try to understand how she is feeling. Instead of saying "Well I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I meant it in a good and productive way" Try "I understand you didn't like when I said that. It must have really hurt you and I'm sorry for that."
   
3. Read some books! I read this book and it helped me with my communication skills a lot.
   
   
   Don't give up. You'll slip up here and there, and so will she. Don't be discouraged by that. It won't magically get better, but it can if you're both willing to work at it.

One thing that was misleading to me was understanding if Alex was primary or secondary. It's a whole different world of experience: I first assumed that Alex was primary because I had the physiological traces of it (fronto temporal left arachnoid cyst) but a few years later I finally admitted to myself that I had secondary Alex due to traumatizing experiences in childhood.

What I found now is that I can experience emotions if I work on the the trauma, if I break through using tools like meditations, drugs, therapy. I do not know is the cause of your Alexithymia but I found that through the years I was able to work with my partners in a way that worked, it required a level of vulnerability and communication that while it is possible might not work for everyone.

You are doing good work, read the book, understand what Alex is and try to understand what causes it. For relationships, a great book that helped me in my couple communication was Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict

"I'm lonely whenever you're around" is the chorus of a song that I love. Whenever this song starts playing in my head, I know that I have to encourage conversation with my partner. Listen to the lyrics. It's such a powerful song that might resonate with what you're feeling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S1-or1f-lY

The book, Communication Miracles For Couples was great for me to read. I read it with my partner so that we could both participate in improving our communication.

https://www.amazon.com/Communication-Miracles-Couples-Effective-Conflict/dp/1573245836