Reddit mentions of How Pleasure Works: The New Science of Why We Like What We Like

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.


I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.


Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.


>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.


Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.


If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.


>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.


Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.


>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.


Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.


Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?


Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed


Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works

Freakonomics

Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird


Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives


Empathy Building:


Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.



Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.



All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

Paul Bloom actually talks about this in his book. tl;dr culture

I think, ultimately, VR will siphon value provided by real world experiences as it is able to provide analogous ones.

That said, there will always be value in the essence of things because humans irrationally assign value to objects that have been brushed by perceived greatness. For example: buying a used t-shirt that a celebrity wore in on Ebay for $100. You can model a sweaty t-shirt that is "like" the one the celebrity wore, but I doubt it'll have the same impact. I have not run the tests, myself.

So, my prediction is VR will siphon value from experiences, but the real world will still maintain the value for goods that have an essence of uniqueness about them.

A book that goes into the philosophical (read: not really scientific) side of this human phenomenon is How Pleasure Works:
http://www.amazon.ca/How-Pleasure-Works-Paul-Bloom/dp/0393340007

>Please tell me where I misused this term.

Right there. In the text you quoted. That Jesus guy? Yeah, his name is more accurately Yeshua ben Yosef. There's nothing "ad hominem" about it. You're clearly dogmatic about the "Homosexuality is a choice" bit, and have not approached the issue with an even-handed approach. Simply put: because your chosen mythology condemns homosexuality, it makes more sense for you if homosexuality is a choice; therefore, you are more likely to believe that homosexuality is a choice. That isn't an argument by itself, but it is a very pertinent observation. Please review the use of that fallacy, again.

>Prison.

You say that like it's an entire argument, in and of itself. I take it that you haven't completed college, yet, as that is (stereotypically) pre-university level argumentation.

What of it, though? Do completely heterosexual men suddenly decide to start raping men? Or is it possible that sexuality is not a binary, and some men are attracted to others, and so may enjoy raping others?

Add to that, rape is usually less about sex and more about power. Your "one-word argument" falls flat.

>Because nobody chooses to be gay, right?

Right. There is simply too much evidence indicating that sexuality is on a sliding scale, and influenced by genetic and epigenetic factors, to assert otherwise.

>You're kidding? Musical taste is now something inbred in me?

No. The genetic and epigenetic and environmental factors that combine to make certain rhythms and beats pleasing to your ears certainly are "inbred" in you. You did not wake up yesterday and say "I'm gonna like rock music."

>So this is just a blatant lie?

Pretty much, but not entirely). People are born with certain tendencies to appreciate different tastes. They are also raised to be considered "cultured" by their peers as a selection preference. Your taste profile also dramatically changes as you age - bitter flavors become much more palatable and complex. It's one of the major reasons that children generally hate coffee/beer/wine, but grow to love them when they are older. Brain chemistry and preference is a very complicated and interesting topic, and would take volumes to properly explain to you. I suggest you poke around Amazon for some books by Neurologists on this topic. This might be interesting, though I haven't read it myself.

>You don't give humans enough credit.

I don't, do I? You're dogmatically attached to an idea with such a dearth of evidence (and tremendous evidence against it) that it's laughable... simply to appease the conscience of a bronze-age mythology, but I'm of the opinion that with enough education that attachment can be (at the very least) modified.

> like damn I absolutely can tackle that three month pile of laundry because I get shit DONE when my eyebrows are this on point.


And why do you think that is? Why do you think that your brain makes you feel good every time you actively do something to enhance your physical look?


> I also wear less makeup around men than I do around women.


Competition is a thing.


> Someone else's truth may not be yours


You are here because of the pressure of natural selection. I know that to be true for me and I know that to be true for you. You might not even be human, that would still be true.


> It's a form of art


And where do you think art comes from? Why are all the birds so good at singing? I'll give you a hint: here.