Reddit mentions of How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill

Amazon link

Some of the reviews are funny, but overall, surprisingly it actually sounds like a book worth buying.

First thing: just basically do the opposite of what your parents did. :D

Seriously though, that's basically the gist of it. My parents were completely irresponsible. Mother was a total narcissist, and my father was not really qualified to be one. I only learned from them what not to do.

Also read as much as you can on the internet. There are tons of blogs and stuff about child-raising theories. Don't treat anything like the gospel, but it should give you ideas as to what is "normal".

I especially recommend this (hilarious) book you can get on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487707694&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+traumatize+your+children

Basically this is your opportunity to treat your kids the way you wish your parents had treated you. I had a truly horrible mother (with whom I am no-contact), and now have 3 young girls who appear to be growing up very well adjusted. As long as you are aware that it was your parents, not you, who were at fault then you are on the right path to avoid being like them.

"Abortion. It results in less criminal charges than me drop kicking her stomach."
"If I find out I have a kid only one of us will be alive within 6 months."
"I bet people told Hitler's dad he'd make a great father, look how his kid turned out. Mine would be worse."
"I'd rather remove my testicles with a shard of my glasses."
"I've already picked up a book on parenting! It's called How to Traumatize Your Children. It's the only guide on parenting I'm going to use."
"Sorry, there's already over 20 court orders preventing me from being in any way responsible for children. In fact, I should even be within 200m in any direction of one, but my parole officer is pretty understanding."
"But I'm nearing a metric ton of aborted foetuses. I need to complete my collection first."
"It's the only way I can still consume the flesh of my victims, I actually am a doctor who performs abortions."
"My therapists are concerned that I might listen to the voices in my head which say to flay the flesh of all those related to me by blood, and so shouldn't have kids."
"How long do you think it'll take to have the kid drinking me under the table? Nobody can keep up, and if I can't make a person able to I might as well just stick to slapping down a grand every time I come across someone drinking."
"Pffft, my girlfriend is aiming to be in the Guinness book of records for the most abortions, and I'm not getting in the way of her ambitions."
"I won't allow any baby that can't beat me in a fight share my DNA. I'm nearly at 500 victories, no losses. All fights have resulted in fatality."

All that I can come with right now.

How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill https://www.amazon.com/dp/1601063091/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_hP9FybM05FGDN

I've got a few more:

1. [Go the F**k to Sleep] (http://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach-ebook/dp/B004YMYR2C/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1414123015&sr=8-4&keywords=safe+baby+handling+tips)
   
2. [K is for Knifeball] (http://www.amazon.com/K-Knifeball-Alphabet-Terrible-Advice-ebook/dp/B009F3G958/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1414123015&sr=8-5&keywords=safe+baby+handling+tips)
   
3. [If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F**k Up?] (http://www.amazon.com/You-Give-Cookie-Will-Shut-ebook/dp/B00F8GUN76/ref=pd_sim_kstore_4?ie=UTF8&refRID=0YJ34BBQ5B1T1H3H6WA0)
   
4. [That's Not Your Mommy Anymore] (http://www.amazon.com/Thats-Not-Your-Mommy-Anymore-ebook/dp/B004XI9IC6/ref=pd_sim_kstore_7?ie=UTF8&refRID=0YJ34BBQ5B1T1H3H6WA0)
   
5. [Safe Baby Handling Tips] (http://www.viralnova.com/baby-handling-tips/)
   
6. [How Not to Kill Your Baby] (http://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Kill-Your-Baby-ebook/dp/B006UD2COI/ref=pd_sim_kstore_11?ie=UTF8&refRID=0YJ34BBQ5B1T1H3H6WA0)
   
7. [Baby's First Tattoo] (http://www.amazon.com/Babys-First-Tattoo-Jim-Mullen/dp/0743224450/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1X05RPJDZ7T8R50RCB0Y)
   
8. [Raising the Perfect Child Through Manipulation and Guilt] (http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Perfect-Child-Through-Manipulation/dp/0061759570/ref=pd_sim_b_8?ie=UTF8&refRID=1VVWDAE9A2WAXA5KPHHD)
   
9. [The Taking Tree] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Taking-Tree-Selfish-Parody/dp/1442407638/ref=pd_sim_b_13?ie=UTF8&refRID=0FJDP8BFTG0CRQ0S9BAE)
   
10. [Fuck You Sun] (http://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Sun-Matt-Cole/dp/0615509142/ref=pd_sim_b_37?ie=UTF8&refRID=0FJDP8BFTG0CRQ0S9BAE)
    
11. [Bi-Curious George] (http://www.amazon.com/Bi-Curious-George-An-Unauthorized-Parody/dp/1604332832/ref=pd_sim_b_42?ie=UTF8&refRID=0FJDP8BFTG0CRQ0S9BAE)
    
12. [Monsters Eat Whiny Children] (http://www.amazon.com/Monsters-Whiny-Children-Bruce-Kaplan/dp/1416986898/ref=pd_sim_b_14?ie=UTF8&refRID=1VVWDAE9A2WAXA5KPHHD)
    
13. [How to Traumatize Your Children] (http://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091/ref=pd_sim_b_23?ie=UTF8&refRID=1VVWDAE9A2WAXA5KPHHD)
    
14. [Reasons Mommy Drinks] (http://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Mommy-Drinks-Lyranda-Martin-Evans-ebook/dp/B00BVJG4C2/ref=pd_sim_kstore_39?ie=UTF8&refRID=0YJ34BBQ5B1T1H3H6WA0)

1This always works for me..

2. Having 4 kids this looks like a must read for me

3. screw cancer x 1010230123123

A good parenting book should do :))  

If you want a pet but can't afford to feed it  


Or something to keep your pens with https://www.amazon.com/Carp-Zipper-Pouch-Weird-Pencil/dp/B014IJ4QC6/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1487141549&sr=8-10&keywords=weird

OP, your experience reminds me of something similar. When I was pregnant (and had been NC with Nmom for about 4 years at that point) someone gave my ex husband and I this book as a joke. Everyone laughed at it while reading sections out loud reacting with comments of "who would actually do this stuff!?"

I wasn't laughing. All the things they read were things that had happened to me as a child. The really embarrassing part is that I didn't know that those things were considered ways to traumatize a child until that book.

Was it a joke? Because... that's a good joke gift.

Yes, yes you should use it to buy yourself a nice bottle of bourbon. I agree.

Only book I got was this one: https://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091

I plan on getting this book and reading it in front of my son till he can actually understand what he is looking at. Then I will add a bunch of mark up to it, make it look well used etc. On his 14th birthday I will leave it out somewhere for him to find.

available via amazon https://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505488969&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+traumatize+your+child

How to Traumatize your Children. Read this, do the opposite.

Also brilliant as a wedding gift.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091

Buy This Book http://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091

Because they read this book?