Reddit mentions of Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type

Pretty sure it's this one. Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type.
by Paul D. Tieger

Just Your Type has recommendations for every combination of MBTI types. They make charts and everything.

I was curious about what they recommended for INTJ-INTJ relationships, and guess what? They said you're likely to not get around to telling each other about your feelings enough, so consider writing each other letters.

You mentioned the recipient is male. I took a quick glance at your post history, and I see you're female. So, you're likely to have some dynamics that go along with her approaching him- that makes some men more uncomfortable than others. Maybe it will be no big deal to him, we don't know.

You know, as I read and re-read what you wrote, I'm actually thinking you should do something more like a date. Something along the lines of, "Hey Tony, I'm going to the outdoor art fair next Saturday. Want to come with me?" I think it's appropriate to spend time alone together outside of work first, before talking about feelings.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work should help your Ni compare actual behaviors in your relationships with a model of a successful marriage. The researcher-authors claim that they can predict divorce with 91% accuracy.

8 Keys to Self-leadership is written by an INTJ and gives you a healthy model of an INTJ against which to compare. You self-rate in use of the various cognitive functions, and have the opportunity to complete exercises that help enhance your use of the same. The author suggests cognitive functions for INTJs to develop. IMO it is crucial to work toward best-use of your first two cognitive functions at least in order to be able to solve relationship problems in a healthy way. Many of us use Ni and Te for example, but are far from an understanding of what Te actually means, so we might end up swinging over to a paranoid Ni+Fi assessment of the relationship if we are in an argument with a Fe user.

I have also found the book Just Your Type immensely helpful as it gives best-fit tips for relationships between each type. I took a photo of the tips for communicating with my SO and pinned them to my phone's home screen.

Regarding INTJ weaknesses, the biggest weakness IMO would be trying to BLT (Be Like Them--someone else, per Linda Berens) and not develop your own INTJ skills before emulating others. INTJs can be very successful in relationships. Prior to knowing I was an INTJ, I pushed myself to solve problems in ways that were not common to INTJs, and as a result felt a lot of frustration when those methods didn't work. Currently I use original frameworks (Ti) and measurement techniques like spreadsheeting (Te) to help maintain my relationships, and it works really well. It's comfortable and uses my natural gifts. As an example, I broke down my SO's interests into various categories and sort of rotate through them in our online chats, making sure to engage her inferior function when she's stressed out, etc. Not to be manipulative, just to help her get more of what she wants out of life.

You may also benefit from reading up on Socionics. It helps me to have a model for the "type" of relationship in which I'm involved in any given context. There isn't a lot on relationship development or type development available from the Socionics end, so it can seem kinda depressing in a way, but that information can be found through other sources like the books above.

Relationships always came naturally to me. However, blunders came even more naturally. Hopefully I'm doing less of the latter nowadays. :-) Hope this helps!