Reddit mentions of Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

It's a good book, but I prefer this one:

Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself byAziz Gazipura

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Pleasing-Speaking-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B076VVH14M

It goes more in depth about why are you a 'nice guy' and gives you much more practical advice and exercises to change it. Always found the latter lacking in No More Mr Nice Guy.

Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty - by Aziz Gazipura

I'm 34 now. My parents are both narcs but my mom actually more so. It's come to light a lot lately with behaviour toward my sister in law and I'm starting to see it with my wife as well.

I tend to be more assertive than my brother with my parents and my wife is more sociable than my sister in law so they've become the targets more often - they also have the only grandchild so far. Problems around this dynamic is where we're at as a family but I was very much in your shoes throughout my "prime" dating years.

I know our problems may not the be the exact same, nor have the same causes, but I was very much a people pleaser as a result of my upbringing and to some extent still am. This translated into being a pushover with friends, passive with women and low self-confidence in general despite having great social skills and a wide variety of hobbies and interests.

My suggestion is to not focus on just women and dating per se, but focus on you as a person in multiple aspects of your life. I think a strip club would only give you a skewed view of women because they're paid to show you the exact attention you want - you didn't "earn" it by being yourself and learning how to interact with people who aren't just performing to get your money.

Since my parents always knew better and were judgemental control freaks, I found I basically had to figure the more social aspects of life out at 26 when I moved out of my parent's house for the first time. That's when I grew some balls and did things on my own where I gained a lot of confidence. Online dating was a huge help because it's different from the traditional way - you learn about each other a bit then you meet in person if you both want to. It's important to develop chemistry ASAP in person but at least the ice has sort of been broken via emails, texts and phone calls first. You can develop your own style for meeting people and get to a comfort level around women and dating this way if it works ok for you. You'll be on plenty of first and only dates with people but treat them as learning experiences because that's what all dating is anyway.

Other things that helped me was hitting the gym, a podcast called "The Art of Manliness" and this book that I heard about on said podcast - https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Pleasing-Speaking-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B076VVH14M/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1537974726&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=saying+no&psc=1

I'm no expert, just sharing my experience in hopes that one little tidbit of info helps. Best of luck!

Ah Its people pleasing problem. It is just that you don't have the courage to hit them back. Try avoiding them without letting them know. Fuck them. You don't need anyone, act like you don't care. You need a complete change in your behavior. You should look into self development.

Read this book.

Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

Sounds like your top emotional need is recreational companionship

If you met a cool girl who wanted to hang and do stuff I strongly suspect it would turn into an emotional and eventual sexual affair.

If you want to be happy, go ahead and do that. You are currently not compatible with your girlfriend - she is unwilling to meet your emotional needs. That's the point of dating - to see who you're compatible with. Also your other comment about "Honestly, can't stand the thought of absolutely crushing her (it would)." means you care way too much about being responsible for her feelings.

Perhaps the book Not Nice will help you with that turmoil.

NP. One of the things I want to warn you is to not fall into the trap of becoming a "nice guy". I suggest reading https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Pleasing-Speaking-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B076VVH14M ; basically, it's good to be grateful and polite, but too much can be a bad thing.

Also yeah, I just meant the account wasn't made specifically to throwaway for this purpose. I had an account that I stopped using too, but it wasn't meant to be a throwaway at the time so I don't consider it a throwaway.

Another thing is, at the risk of sounding too much like someone high above lecturing you... but I've learned a lot these past months and I really want to share what I've learned.

I think you should accept all of yourself, the good, the bad, the past, the present. If you are ashamed of your past, then you still haven't solved your low self-esteem problem and that will extend towards bad feelings/depression and also be an obstacle in finding fulfilling relationships.

From what you've said, i can actually kind of identify with your husband. It can be really difficult to improve some of these things... For me it's going well, based on some books about assertiveness. Basically I've lived my life struggling to please other people, and feeling guilty when I let them down. I also have a difficult time believing I am worthy of things (jobs, promotions, etc). When my wife is upset, I am terrified. When she praises me, I feel safe. It's not healthy.

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If this sounds like him, I'd recommend he reads this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Pleasing-Speaking-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B076VVH14M