Reddit mentions of Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem

Hey, I feel you I know what you're going through. The thought process I mean.
Your speech and thought process is so negative. I know you're trying to get help but go back and read your message. I can't do. I have no motivation. I had a shitty childhood.
Stop the negative especially if it isn't even true (look up Cognitive Distortions) or read this several times a week-> on desktop? Cognitive Distortions Worksheet PDF
On mobile -> Click second link: Cognitive Distortions SMART RECOVERY PDF

How to move forward: you need to LET GO of yesterday, and the past.
You need to look at the present and the work towards the future. I love your last paragraph. Look at the difference between it and the rest of your post. Change your wording slightly to the present ie: I have a good supportive network. I have an adventurous lifestyle. I am progressing as an individual. - it may sound weird to say this but repeat some of these 'affirmations' out loud multiple times a day when you're thinking negatively. Eventually they will become true. Look up the law of attraction and self affirmations on YouTube. And write down some affirmations and post them with post it notes around your home like on the fridge, bathroom mirror, light switches, so you can continually read them throughout your day.
Why this works. Our inner critic has been destroying us since we can remember, the negative in our life, the bringing us down every chance he gets: you're lazy you'll never amount to anything / see? You're a failure you can't do it / don't try, you won't fail //
The critic protects us in the short term but DESTROYS us in the long term. Talk back to it with FACT and with daily affirmations "I am human, I am trying just like everyone else, we all make mistakes, I know I'm a good person"


Also look up "cognitive distortions" and re analyze your life and help you with your critic.


Take an inventory of yourself all the things you love about yourself and all the things you don't like about yourself.
Now change all the negative words to factual - ex: I'm fat, I'm always lazy -> I am 210 pounds and my waist is 40". I'm lazy during the day but in the evening I get a surge of energy and clean the house and do my chores.. Just like at the beginning of the book Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay

Next: WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS
Preferably somewhere you can look at them everyday - a white board or on your wall in your room or office room. Everyday you will see these goals and want to work towards them because they are staring you in the face.
Make sure to make "SMART" goals!
Also, print out pictures or cut out from magazines the accompanying photo of your goal and stick in on your vision board. It really helps the brain to have a picture and be visual.
Everyday repeat these goals. But not "I want this to happen" instead try "I will have a job in my field by September 1st."
Make sure these goals are realistic otherwise your brain will reject these affirmation type goals. Aim for the sky I'm telling you.
The point to these goals and affirmations: THEY WILL EVENTUALLY COME TRUE. EVEN IF THEY SEEM THEY ARE LIES AT FIRST. WE HAVE TO TRICK OUR BRAIN!!
Keep repeating.

Every few days or week. Write down your goals again and see: did your goals change? Have some been removed or added? That's perfect. That's great you're working towards figuring out what you truly want. Heck write down your goals in a notebook everyday with the date at the top. Keep writing your goals down. The ones you want. Eventually the goals you don't really want, you won't write it down anymore. But the ones you keep writing down. That's what you want. So go get it it's waiting for you!!

I recently started my own business and I used to be a lazy guy too. I didn't know what I wanted or what I wanted to do. I felt useless like a failure and with no direction I just felt like a waste.
Now I work for myself running my own business and I'm happy!

Download the app "calm" and listen to the sessions. Especially "letting go".

We are never taught in school about SELF HEALING and SELF PRESERVATION the most important things!! We go through life not knowing how to take care of our own bodies.
Take time to mediate and learn to breathe, learn to treat yourself with respect and with love.

Keep doing these things everyday like I do and get out of your rutt.

Start thinking positive and think big!!!
Some affirmations I tell myself:
"the confidence I need to succeed is within me"
"I have the natural ability to create wealth and success"
"I will earn $5,000 by September 1st"
"I have the positive attitude of someone who never just never quits"
"I will be patient and I will persevere to see my success"
"I will be working from my laptop in bora bora in 2018"
"I am smart and I work hard to achieve my success"

Keep saying your own versions of affirmations everyday and I promise you will see change.

One last thing: the "5 second rule"
Watch the video on YouTube - 6min Version and 21 min version essentially if you have a thought act on it within five seconds your brain and critic come in and stop you from doing it.

"The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

I saw this on r/getmotivated and I loved it (paraphrase): No one pulls over to help someone on the side of the road waving for help. Start pushing your car and you'll see flocks of people stopping to help you. Help yourself first and others will be there to support you to your success. Found op


I wish you all the luck in your future successes. You don't need it because you can do it.

Oh also!! Use an app like cronometer (phone or computer) to make sure you're getting all your nutrients. Diet is a HUGE FACTOR in our life in terms of our mind. I've read and watched enough documentaries to tell you. Please eat less processed foods and more whole foods. PLEASE make sure your diet is NOURISHING YOU and not depriving you.
And try to exercise everyday, go for a walk, run, play a sport, yoga, go to the gym, bike, hike, it doesn't matter go dancing for all I care. Just get exercise and move!! Get blood flowing!
Wake up early everyday and start with a glass of water and movement. Go for a walk. Eat a good breakfast and start working on a goal. The mornings are the best time for that! MORNING ROUTINE

I hope you take at least one thing away from what I've wrote, and run with it and make the life you want for yourself.

YOU DESERVE THE LIFE YOU WANT. and you can achieve it!! Hard work, perseverance, meditation, affirmation, and eating well.

Go get em


Edit: grammar
Edit2: added links to videos

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1626253935
Honestly the best book I’ve read on confidence. It has been so helpful to me.

Self-Esteem by McKay & Fanning
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1626253935/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

One red flag that I have recently noticed in myself is that I have ghosted a lot of good potential friends, partly because I am very conflict-adverse and I don't know what to do after a conflict but mainly because I have become so used to being alone that no one can entertain me better than I can. I also suspect AvPD stemming from a childhood of not having any playmates, underdeveloped social skills, and low self-esteem (but I know you're not supposed to diagnose yourself). There are some people in grad school that I would like to be closer to but it's hard because I also suck at banter and jokes.

I always blamed my peers for the fact that I had no friends but I recently realized that while I have always had trouble fitting in, I also had some great potential friendships that I threw away. That did not make me feel good.

So now I am trying to learn how socializing and friendship works. This website has been helpful for me, as well as this book on self-esteem. It's a long process and it's hard to work up the guts to put myself out there and invite someone to hang out (especially since I have little experience hanging out with other women), but my goal is to make one regular, real friend by the end of the year and MAINTAIN it.

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626253935/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_nEFxDbSAPQE2E