Reddit mentions: The best family abuse books

Here’s a couple of books that will give you strategies to be a more effective educator, especially with low-income students. Realistically the strategies are great for any kid, as all kids can use some support and empathy from the adults in the lives.

“Reading and Reaching Children Who Hurt” by Susan E. Craig - How to more effectively teach children who have experienced trauma (Adverse Childhood Experiences). His experience is the goal of the strategies given in the book. (Amazon) I haven’t read it, but she also has two more recent books, “Trauma Sensitive Schools” K-5 and 6-12

Trauma Sensitive Schools: Approaches that Work - A project by the Massachusetts Advocates for Children and Harvard Law School has free books (downloadable pdf). One focused on the background and the second is about implementing a school-wide approach.

“Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria” by Dr. Beverly Tatum - Covers the theory of racial identity development and how to support positive racial identity in an educational setting. (Amazon)

One thing that helped me immensely was leaning they never loved ME. They loved CONTROLLING me. If they did, the would have given a shit about my feelings. I just got out almost 3 weeks ago, have read lots of articles about emotional abuse and gaslighting, and surviving and thriving after.

Mind Games: Emotionally Manipulative Tactics Partners Use to Control Relationshi https://www.amazon.com/dp/1537379968/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_7jV0xbQYRSZHD

This book is pretty good, too.

Talk to your friends about it, start a discussion. Take care of you like you're already doing.

I wish you well :)

I hope you're able to find a good therapist who helps people recover and heal from sexual trauma, it sounds like you would both benefit from that type of therapy.

I hope one or more of these books will be helpful to you



The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter

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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais

I checked SocietyofJanus listing to make sure I didn't duplicate. One thing I would say is, don't jump over the LGBQ section, books there are excellent for those that may not identify in that way, just apply the appropriate pronouns and many of the concepts are still very valid.

If you haven't read anything yet, I suggest "The Loving Dominant" as a jumping off place.

I'll add some that I have come across in my journey that are not listed that come to mind.

Extreme Space: The Domination and Submission Handbook

Devil In The Details I - The Art of Mastery - A Mentoring Trilogy: Volume I "The Master - The Slave - The Power" - I'd say get the whole trilogy. This is written for the Dominant partner, not the submissive.

/u/yoshi_win, your list and earlier reference posts are excellent; I didn't intend to be hypercritical. Here are further references for your "reliable" category:

• Straus: Thirty Years of Denying the Evidence on Gender Symmetry in Partner Violence
  
  
• Straus-Steinmetz-Gelles: Book Behind Closed Doors, one of the earliest works finding significant husband battering (>50%)
  
  
• Van Creveld: The Privileged Sex, a professional historian's work showing the privileges (more than compensating for disadvantages) which women have had from the dawn of history
  
  
• Kathleen Parker: Save the Males, a journalist's exposition of the case for helping men
  

>The Dobashes from the first citation are sociologists, not feminists.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Violence-Social-Change-Emerson-Dobash/dp/0415036100

>"In their earlier book, "Violence Against Wives: A Case Against the Patriarchy, Dobash and Dobash identified themselves as committed feminist sociologists and clearly located the phenomenon of wife beating in its social and historical context. In the current book, they continue their passionate, scholarly analysis. "Women, Violence and Social Change reminds us of the traditions of social change within which we practice and the visionary and exhilirating movement of which we are a part.."

While I don't know the accuracy of those comments, the patriarchy book clearly does exist, and only feminists really use the term patriarchy.

>Lisa Colarossi from the second citation is a developmental psychologist and a clinical social worker, not a feminist.

>Further, despite 40 years of the feminist movement’s attempts to promote an understanding

Things like this are in the article several times. She talks about lesbians and patriarchy later.

http://www.fordham.edu/images/academics/social_service/colarossi%20cv.pdf

>Adjunct Instructor: Interdisciplinary Seminar in Feminist Practice Department of Women's Studies

Research interests.

>Feminist methods in practice and research.

Onwards

>DeKeseredey and Schwartz from the third citation are sociologists, not feminists.

You're on a feminist site, they repeatedly mention feminism, they believe in the patriarchy. They say it here.

>The CTS, although it may accurately count numbers of blows struck, overlooks the broader social psychological and social forces (e.g., patriarchy) that motivate men to abuse their female partners.

I don't really see that as a reliable criticism- the CTS is wrong because the patriarchy.

http://www.xyonline.net/sites/default/files/DeKeseredy,%20Feminist%20contributions-to-understanding-woman-abuse-Myths,-controversies,-and-realities_2011.pdf

Here's a paper where DeK defends feminist scholarship.

>The NIJ is not a feminist organization.

As Straus mentions, and as you can see in their report, their main counter data source is from a modified CTS report. His analysis of it was that they modified it to exclude men.

There are those who criticize his methods. But the vast majority of the studies done use his methods, so most accept it. Even the feminist's studies often use a modified version of it. And your three random citations of scholars who disagreed with it did turn out to be feminist scholars.

>It's clear that you've never engaged criticisms of the CTS directly, and instead have just taken Straus at his word that the CTS is legit and criticism of it is unfounded because it's ideologically convenient for you.

I have, and I don't find their case hugely plausible, but my main issue is with their data collection. Ideologues may well not collect data properly.

>By "they" you clearly meant "MRA types."

Well actually I mean

>Reddit is strongly supportive of revenge and justice, and so it looks normal to the majority to cheer on when someone resists a bully.

Reddit. That is why I said reddit, and not "MRA types".

OP said MRAs and then linked to a group of random redditors. As such, I talked about redditors.

Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:


amazon.co.uk

amazon.ca

amazon.com.au

amazon.in

amazon.com.mx

amazon.de

amazon.it

amazon.es

amazon.com.br

amazon.nl

amazon.co.jp

amazon.fr

Beep bloop. I'm a bot to convert Amazon ebook links to local Amazon sites.
I currently look here: amazon.com, amazon.co.uk, amazon.ca, amazon.com.au, amazon.in, amazon.com.mx, amazon.de, amazon.it, amazon.es, amazon.com.br, amazon.nl, amazon.co.jp, amazon.fr, if you would like your local version of Amazon adding please contact my creator.

That’s great you’re getting in touch with your gut instincts and recognize they’re there for a reason. It sounds like you’ve suppressed a lot of your true self, voice and thus anger due to your parents. For me it wasn’t until I distanced myself from my parents and started working on myself, journaling, reading books, blogs and watching videos on narcissistic abuse where I got in touch with a lot of my anger. It’s almost like you need to distance yourself first before you can start seeing anything clearly. Educating myself on narcissistic abuse helped me get angry as well.

How much in contact are you with your parents currently? Do you have a spouse that is supportive?

I don’t know specifically what will work for you but I’ll share what worked for me.

What worked for me was to go LC, VLC then eventually transition to NC (instead of NC cold turkey). VLC gave me enough distance to realize that even having minimal contact with my parents was exhausting and stressful. I still had anxiety because they were still in my life and even though it was minimal contact I could not get peace of mind.

I didn’t get in touch with my anger until about 6-7 months into VLC when I began educating myself on narcissistic abuse, reading books and blogs, etc. The distance from VLC gave me some space to be angry without backlash and reflect on my abuse (something my parents would never allow) which gave me the strength to finally go NC. It’s almost like you’re mentally chained when in contact with toxic parents and you need the distance to help break the bondage.

If you’re the scapegoat then reading about that and journaling about your own experience can help you get in touch with your anger as well. Maybe a validating therapist who is trauma trained and knows about narcissistic abuse will help you as well. Make sure they’re validating though as many therapists are not.

A couple resources that helped:

The book that started the NC journey for me was “The Christian’s Guide to No Contact.” This helped me work through my guilt (which you can imagine Christians who cut their parents out of their lives feel) tremendously. I’ve heard many non-Christian’s and atheists find the book helpful too. Here is a link to the book: The Christian's Guide to No Contact: How to End Your Relationships With Narcissistic, Psychopathic, and Abusive Family and Friends, and Still be a Good Christian https://www.amazon.com/dp/1546336664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_41bQAbNC5Y6J7

She also has a blog “Luke 17:3 Ministries” that has helpful info on NC. It’s not visually the best but the content is pretty good http://www.luke173ministries.org/

Shahida Arabi’s blog “Self-Care Haven” and books on narcissistic abuse helped me as well. When you learn about their manipulation tactics it’s almost hard not to get angry. I enjoyed the book “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare.”

YouTube channels like Narcissism Survivor are good too. Here’s a video on narcissistic grandparents: https://youtu.be/t7RIl4SyFP

I’m not sure what will work for you and I can’t pinpoint exactly how I got back in touch with my anger, but I hope the above resources are helpful to you. For me it really was going NC where I started finally getting my self-respect back which also gave me strength to make wiser decisions for myself instead of putting others’ needs before my own. There are a lot of lies we believe when we’re in relationship with toxic people, and separating ourselves first is sometimes the best way to see the truth.

Again, you are fixated on the "right" answer, from an adult perspective. You don't teach decimals and square roots in 3rd grade for the same reason you don't teach lift equations. They don't get anything from it. Look, I understand you are a concerned parent, and you said you are a scientist. But you don't seem to have studied education that much. Here is a good start:

http://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Early-Childhood-Education-Essa/dp/1428360530

I am not trying to insult you, I am trying to help you understand why this teacher is doing fine. Before I learned about this stuff I would have been with you. Now, after the MA and EdD I see why the teacher is doing what s/he is doing.

Thank you for asking! It's called How I Escaped Evangelical Hell: A Memoir. It's the story of my life. I was raised by radical evangelical Christian fundamentalists in an abusive environment, and the book shows how my relentless pursuit of a career in video games helped me escape that life and start an awesome new one with a great, fulfilling career. :)

It's not a light read, but it is funny.

Interesting IAmA, thank you :)... I'm currently reading this

http://www.amazon.com/Somebodys-Daughter-Americas-Prostituted-Children/dp/1569765650/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1311445792&sr=8-2

A book on children being lured into prostitution by pimps. This wasn't the case with you right? How did the first time happen? How did you get business?

Here's a book I like >>>> "Nothing to do with Islam"

Some lesser known books about the Islamification of Europe that I recommend:

East Meat

Enemy of the state

Dark Albion: Requiem for Britain

Fistfights with Muslims in Europe (better than the title suggests. Basically a travelogue of an American in Europe whom is coming to terms with a continent undergoing profound change)

Sweden in a time of Immigration: How the Sweden Democrats turned the elite into a frenzy

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

https://smile.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

---

Never forget to smile again | ^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

>There is no reason to suggest people feel some amount of artificial safety due to hazing. Why would you even think that? Seriously. You just wrote that, there isn’t any evidence to support it and no logical reason to think it.

Safety in this sense means less uncertainty about social standing. Previously, men were willing to do this to maintain job prospects and familial connections. This was particularly true for wealthy white people in the 19th century when they began, and the model has been modeled and emulated. This notion has transformed a bit more recently, where people haze and are willing to be hazed to deal with insecurity and uncertainty in a world if they don't participate. Young men don't have a good understanding of what it means to be adult men, and left to their own devices (and they often are) make rituals to define that for themselves. Slightly older boys consider themselves men by abusing younger boys, who then get to become men through being abused and abusing the next cohort. Ritual abuse is usually (but not always, as there are plenty of hazing injuries and deaths) safer, at least psychologically, than navigating life without map of meaning, so to speak, especially in university environments. Greek life gives a framework, schedule, social life, track that people would otherwise have to figure out on their own.

​

>Who gets to say what their part is? Society does. What are the consequences? Society becomes worse off. Who pays it. Everyone but some more and some less.

I was asking you to think through these abstractions better. Society isn't a who. What is better or worse for a society is subjective. Some people may actually benefit when others pay. Figuring some more of these details is important when making decisions and forming opinions.

​

>These frat guys enter the work force connected and move up in their respective careers faster than non connected people. And frat meme nerd aren’t the only young people that party. You’re accepting a rumor that you don’t know about.

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This is generally true. Is this ok though? It can be materially beneficial to join a frat. Banding together in a collective, like a union or ethnic affinity group, can help people move up their careers too, but I don't get the sense that you think that is ok.

Joining a frat also does this less reliably than before, which is why I stress the other elements of Greek life, the respite from the turmoil of uncertain futures and sense of self/community during a transition from childhood to adulthood that it provides. I would argue that is has a sordid history that continues today of handling this tumult poorly, particularly through tacit acceptance of ritual abuse, sexual violence, and dangerous substance use.

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>Tolerating sexual assault. That’s not what happens. You’re just making caustic accusations to bolster your lack of an argument

This is not really up for debate. There are tons of public investigations into frats for sexual assault allegations.

Of men in universities, frat guys rape more often than not-frat guys. https://works.bepress.com/john_foubert/5/

Fraternerties are networks where guys encourage and protect assualters while guys who object are ostracized (talk about men enforcing codes of behavior...) https://www.amazon.com/Male-Support-Violence-Against-Women/dp/1555538339/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1381328933&sr=8-4

Of course campus sexual assault is not only a fraternity problem and I do think that if fraternities could be leaders in reducing sexual assault across campus. It doesn't change the facts.

>You think all fraternity brothers are children of the wealthy?

Historically, university admission was for children of the wealthy. When less wealthy people started attending prestigious universities, wealthy students formed fraternal orders to separate themselves. (Frats also seperated into primarily whites only membership when Jewish people and people of color started to attend prestigious universities in larger numbers). They were able to do this, much to the chagrin of universities themselves, because their families had sway. Of course Greek life has expanded quite a bit over their 2 centuries in America. But you note yourself that even now people join frats for the career networks. This has been happening for many generations. Greek associations of wealthy students give special favors to members at the exclusion of other or even more competent people. These people maintain inherited wealth/get wealthier. They send their kids to join the same/similar frats, who continue that cycle.

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This discussion is going into a debate about Greek life, which I am not all that passionate about, except as an example of being a good example for exploring what hazing is and why it is bad, because you are still defending hazing as an evolutionary good (when it is neither evolutionary or good).

personally, I think that helping people is really cool

Plus, it's like, my job and stuff.

I am not a Christian, but heard about this book recently: https://www.amazon.com/Christians-Guide-Contact-Relationships-Narcissistic/dp/1546336664
Maybe it can help?

And you can download his book, nice https://www.amazon.com/Tamekas-New-Dress-Ronnie-Sidney-ebook/dp/B01HC8JE5Y

Here's just a few reasons as to why it bothers me.

>http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/number-of-muslims-in-prison-doubles-in-decade-to-12000-9222237.html

>https://www.amazon.co.uk/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

>https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/apr/11/british-muslims-strong-sense-of-belonging-poll-homosexuality-sharia-law

Why doesn't this bother you?

Still waiting for that benefit. There are plenty of non-Muslims in the world that could fill those roles you speak of.

Peter McLoughlin the author of Easy Meat seems to keep a sort of record. He was pretty much banned from all social media years ago for speaking about this.

Edit; He’s also on Gab which seems to be down just now for some reason.

closer to 30 years. Sikhs were making documentaries about this stuff in the 80s since the rapey newcomers (read: Pakistanis) moved into their neighborhoods when they first started migrating into Britain.

http://libgen.io/book/index.php?md5=921D3F2BFB16DE275BF2F8409EA07575

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467250775&sr=8-1&keywords=easy+meat

As far as I know there have been no prosecutions in the USA either, despite thousands of women being at risk. Fun fact, some white Christians in the USA used to practice FGM:

http://www.amazon.com/Rape-Innocence-genital-mutilation-circumcision/dp/187841111X/ref=la_B004V214HQ_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407079727&sr=1-1

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

It isn't there. Searched it now, and skimmed it back in 2014.

The actual source: https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

Fell off a truck here: https://www.scribd.com/doc/211485752/Easy-Meat-Multiculturalism-Islam-and-Child-Sex-Slavery

Buy this book: https://www.amazon.com/Rape-Innocence-genital-mutilation-circumcision/dp/187841111X

It will help you understand and deal with the trauma.

you cant use library genesis in Britain? or, is it just that anything critical of the regime blocked? the books I linked are:

enemy of the state

britaints great immigration disaster

easy meat


Nothing to do with Islam?: Investigating the West's Most Dangerous Blind Spot

It's been happening on an industrial scale in England for over 30 years now.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520941831&sr=8-1&keywords=easy+meat

> Peter McLoughlin spent years believing the Leftist narrative, namely it was 'a racist myth' that organised Muslim groups in Britain and the Netherlands ('grooming gangs') were luring white schoolgirls into a life of prostitution. But in 2009 he first encountered people who said their children had been groomed like this. These informants had non-white people in their immediate and extended family, and were thus unlikely to be racists. So McLoughlin dug deeper and what he found shocked him: there were mounds of evidence that social workers, police officers, Muslim organisations, journalists and even some Members of Parliament must have known about these grooming gangs for decades, and they had turned a blind-eye to these crimes. He also came across references to incidents where any proof had since vanished.

Your parents are toxic. This is not loving behavior; it is controlling, manipulative, and abusive. Of course you’re scared! You have to walk on eggshells around them, when they should be the people you turn to for comfort and love.

They have to want to change. It sounds like they’re nowhere near that step, so trying to maintain a relationship will only cause you more misery and anxiety. You are an adult now and you can choose who you want in your life. Choose people who build you up, love you, and make you feel safe. Always those kinds of people. Your parents are not it. If you have the means to move out or disconnect from them, do so. Give yourself time and space to heal.

But it’s Your Family: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members by Dr. Sherrie Campbell

Dealing With Emotionally Immature Parents by Priscilla Posey

Also look up narcissistic abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, and emotional abuse.

Hey look guy, slavery!

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

Pathetic traitor.

That's an awesome philosophy. I wish every workplace was like this.

I'm reading a book by Randall Fields that explains the struggles he had as a ward of the state, being black, and being with an abusive step parent.

This book has examples of not only Fields but people all around him that were affected by today's racism.

TL;DR: Racism today in the American work place (in NYC) does still exist.

If you're trying to make sense of your past, and think you have been raised in a narcissistic family the following resources might help clarify things:

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ROLES IN THE NARCISSISTIC FAMILY http://www.howtokillanarcissist.com/narcissistic-family/

OVERT AND COVERT NARCISSISM http://parenting.exposed/the-covert-narcissistic-parent/

THE NARCISSISTIC PARENT http://parenting.exposed/an-emulated-false-self/

TRIANGULATION http://parenting.exposed/no-triangulation-here-thanks/

GOLDEN CHILD http://parenting.exposed/golden-child-lost-soul/

THE SCAPEGOATED CHILD http://parenting.exposed/the-family-scapegoat-set-up/

NO CONTACT http://parenting.exposed/no-contact-when-the-scapegoat-walks-away/

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Dr Judy Rosenberg hosts a weekly online radio show dedicated to narcissistic abuse related topics.

DR Judy WTF! (What the Freud!) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJvZ0gxCu_G5ufZjsI3TCw

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BOOKS I HAVE FOUND USEFUL

Shannon Thomas' (social worker) discusses the concealed nature of narcissistic abuse in her book 'Healing from Hidden Abuse':

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological-ebook/dp/B01JR4ST9S

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POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse By Shahida Arabi.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/POWER-Surviving-Narcissistic-Collection-Narcissism/dp/1945796324

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Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA by Pete Walker is a book that helped me make sense of my past and its impact on me.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=complex+ptsd+walker&qid=1558114813&s=books&sr=1-1

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The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame also by Pete Walker

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tao-Fully-Feeling-Harvesting-Forgiveness-ebook/dp/B017I3NRRO/ref=pd_cp_351_3/262-3610686-0428419?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B017I3NRRO&pd_rd_r=eed98e8c-78cb-11e9-9794-6b186da2a7c7&pd_rd_w=NVyx0&pd_rd_wg=PxcGS&pf_rd_p=01704ebe-a86a-4b47-8c36-0f9f5bbc2882&pf_rd_r=2749HYE9SAVA0ZTDQQ5E&psc=1&refRID=2749HYE9SAVA0ZTDQQ5E

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Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor's Guide to Healing and Recovery.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Close-Encounters-Worst-Kind-Narcissistic/dp/1973915626/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=close+encounters+of+the+worst+kind&qid=1558114864&s=books&sr=1-1-catcorr

Domestic violence. Emotional and physical abuse. In-law abuse. Rape. Occasionally, murder.

In community across community, South Asian American women have typically created the first domestic-focused South Asian American activist groups, working to respond to patriarchal oppression and gender violence in our community.

And then, because they were the first ones organized, many of them have had to branch out, taking on advocacy and services around immigrant rights, labor rights, trafficking, public health, mental health, and more.

Manavi, Narika, Maitri, Raksha, Saheli, Chaya, Sneha, Apna Ghar, CHAI, Saakhi, Kiran, Chetna, Daya, Awaaz — the list of these groups goes on!

If you're at all interested in this, read the excellent book Body Evidence: Intimate Violence Against South Asian women in America.

Tommy and his popularity came from Grooming gangs, he began speaking about them in 2006/07, but was obviously denounced as a racist and a liar because he targetted a specific ethnic community, and, of course, being the leader of those plonkers.

By the time these gangs were proven to be true, people began seeing Tommy in a different light, hell, he even co-wrote a book on it called Easy Meat.

His appeal from terrorist didn't really take hold, his main support was from grooming gang families and now mostly poor communities.

He did not make up the problem, the problem is very real. He was convicted of fraud in an earlier crime, He lied about other things, but the grooming gangs were not one of them.