Reddit mentions: The best family relationship books

Here you go:

The NUMBER ONE thing that helped my BPD tendencies was meditation, which I did as part of getting sober. It allowed me to find a pause between the emotion and my reaction. I still FEEL the same shit I used to - but I do not feel controlled by it any longer.

My favorite meditation teacher is Tara Brach. She posts all of her meditations online and on her podcast. Her book 'Radical Acceptance' was a life changer for me.

I also use a lot of binaural beats meditations (you can find these on Spotify or YouTube, I use the Profound Meditation Program by iAwake Technologies).

I have immensely enjoyed Sam Harris' book Waking Up which is about developing a spiritual practice without religion. He has an excellent podcast but it is expressly NOT about mental health, I just think he has a lot of great perspective to share.

Susan Elliot - Getting Past Your Breakup - this book looks like a cheesy self help book but it was awesome. Really really wonderful exercises. I also got her workbook.

Susan Anderson - Journey from Abandonment to Healing - this book was the first one I read, it was very helpful in understanding the science of what is happening in rejection and abandonment. This was useful because it allowed me to see my reactions were very, very normal.

Vicki Stark - Runaway Husbands - very specific book about men who walk out without warning. This helped me identify warning signs and feel less alone.

Lessons From The End of a Marriage - this blog is from Lisa Arends. Her story is hard to read. But this is the best divorce blog I've ever read! Such wonderful advice here.

Glennon Doyle Melton - First the Pain, then The Rising - I watched this every single day for a month. For a while, it was the only fucking thing that got me out of bed.

Overcomer podcast - hosted by a woman I met in one of the support groups, just lots of great insight on abandonment recovery.

Attached - great book on attachment theory

DBT Workbook - this is a GREAT resource on how to build distress tolerance and skills to face a lot of BPD type issues. DBT was a therapy style designed for BPD.

Edit to add: Forgot the best one!

Pema Chodron - When Things Fall Apart - Pema is a buddhist nun and I absolutely love her. She became buddhist when her husband left her. This book is incredible. So much wisdom! I always carry my Pocket Pema with me, literally Pema is THE BEST! She also has a lot of recorded talks that I find so calming to listen to.

No you don't have to stick to the same brand :-)

I have the same car seat (baby is not born yet so I haven't used it yet) and we chose the BabyJogger City Mini GT. (We chose the GT over the regular City Mini because the handlebars are adjustable and I have a tall SO. It's also better for a taller child and given my SO is tall we suspect baby will be too.)

That particular car seat attaches to the City Mini GT with the help of an add-on adapter.

Peg Perego is relatively common (and an excellent brand, great safety, from everything I read) so many strollers you look at should work with it but you will likely buy an adapter.

How do you figure it out? I bought the world's most amazing book which a friend recommended to me: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458395006&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains

In it, they review everything (seriously - strollers, car seats, cribs, mattresses, baby wearing carriers, even humidifiers and white noise machines and things you wouldn't think of bothering to read reviews on!) Each gets scored A-F.

I chose a stroller by first considering only the A+ and A's. I chose the City Mini because basically, every other stroller kept getting compared to it (and being found to be "not quite as good at folding up easily") so I was sold. You can choose what's important to you, like ease of folding up, weight, etc. They will normally also tell which you which car seats will fit that stroller (often with the help of adapters of course.)

I pretty much chose everything using this book. Chose from the A's based on what was important to me.

The other thing I did, specific to car seats and strollers, was have a personal shopping appointment at Buy Buy Baby. (Don't know if you have one nearby.) They talk to you about what kind of car you have, different safety features and considerations, etc. I had a "short list" of car seats and strollers already, thanks to the book. They helped me choose from the shortlist and let me take a "test drive" of them. They also literally took the car seat out to our cars so we could see how they fit. FYI those appointments are free.

I hope that helps!!

Hey man. I was (and still am - 9 weeks to go!) in a similar spot. Everyone is offering good advice, but I would recommend checking out a few books to get your brain thinking about the right things (primarily logistically but also emotionally):

We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook - short/easy week-by-week dissection of the pregnancy and what you should be doing to prepare along the way.

Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to Be an Elite Dad or Carer from Birth to Three Years - another short/easy read that reads like a field manual and is actually written by a navy seal. While the first book above is more focused on pregnancy, this book is more focused on what the hell to do after pregnancy.

Eat, Sleep, Poop: A Common Sense Guide to Your Baby's First Year - Although it's written by a pediatrician, it's a very simple read and very practical. Covers less logistics and more focused on health, development, sleeping, eating, etc.

These books will help put you in control of the situation and will help you lead the charge for you and your wife.

I also definitely recommend attending every prenatal appointment with your wife (and lining up a doctor ASAP - first appt should be around Week 6), as well as whatever pregnancy/baby classes your hospital offers.

As far as gear, primary items are bassinet, crib, car seat, stroller, bouncer. But you have plenty of time to figure that stuff out. Check out Lucie's List and of course Amazon for helpful reviews. BuyBuyBaby can also be a good resource - they have in-store registry consultants who will give you an entire tour of the store and provide you with some helpful advice. Both BuyBuyBaby and Amazon have 15% off end-of-registry coupons to help you save toward the end.

Feel free to hit me up with any specific questions :)

I feel you. My daughter is about to be 5 months and it's very hard to get anything done. Of course I want her to get lots of love and attention, but I also want her to be able to handle me putting her down to take a dump or shower. Likewise, I started to feel like she wasn't spending enough time awake on her stomach and back figuring out to how to do things like roll over or sit up herself since she wants to sit or stand on us (with help), be on our lap, or be in carrier. From a gross motor skills/milestone standpoint this also seemed less then ideal.

I agree building the ability to play independently for short periods (at least) is something I want to foster in my baby. Just this week I read Elevating Child Care by Janet Lansbury (she also has a blog) who writes about RIE parenting a model in which you treat babies with respect and like they can understand. You also strive to build their confidence and competence and their ability to spend time confidently exploring themselves. While I don't agree with everything in her book (you never do) I liked a lot of it, it's a very fast read, and I think it could be a great perspective for you and your wife.

She specifically talks about setting some healthy boundaries even with your baby like Mommy needs to brush her teeth. Now, your baby's feelings are genuine - she's crying because she is upset and wants to be held. However, Lansbury would say it's okay for your baby to experience being upset sometimes if you are respectful, understanding, and all of their needs are met. You would say to "[baby name], I am going to go brush my teeth. I will be back in two minutes." If they cry, you might say "I know you don't want me to leave," or "You want to be held right now" or some sort of acknowledgement and name the feeling if you know it. But still, brush your teeth. Then when you are done hug and comfort baby. "You are so upset I left you to brush my teeth." The idea is that feelings are not wrong (don't "no" crying) but that even as a baby it's all right if they don't always get their way.

There's also good info on developing independent play time to help your wife get some stuff done.

Get yourself this book - https://www.amazon.com/Commando-Dad-Basic-Training-Elite/dp/1849532613

It's a book aimed at dads, but honestly I found it more helpful than a lot of mum books. My partner LOVED it and recommends it to everyone. It's basically written like an army training manual for newborns, and it has lots of common-sense advice, lists of equipment you need, and step by step points for dealing with daily things like changing, feeding, sleeping etc.

Also - start saving as much money as you can NOW. Look for second hand items (except for a car seat - safety is key and you don't know the history of a secondhand piece of safety equipment). The baby doesn't need much for its first few weeks - somewhere to sleep (like a Moses basket), a few onesies, some blankets and burp cloths, nappies, wipes, and bottles etc if you're pumping/using formula. A stroller and a carrier will come in handy too. That's pretty much it.

Best of luck to you both!

Serenity and peace can be yours. Fearing the future is normal, but grasping the possibilities ahead of you is a given right, everybody is deserving.
One of the most treasured memories both from the past and ongoing is my video blog of my families life stories. I discovered a book when I was younger that is full of questions that encourage the re-living of the past.
You can literally sit down in a nice setting a few times a year and spend a few hours at a time recording the stories of your loved ones. It covers from their first memories to just yesterday. Plus anything they remember about their grandparents...it's all encompassing.

Having this well rounded information will be so amazing to your life, It will make you realize just how special your life is. What it took for you to be here, and how much life you have ahead of you. You will see in full bloom the trials and tribulations your family has been through and yet they survived...it will give you such strength and confidence.

I cannot encourage you enough to start on this journey. Here is the book: Good luck to you:
https://www.amazon.com/Our-Childrens-Children-Preserving-Generations/dp/0385467974

You're wonderful. I'm a single mom and it's tough, I wish you all the luck. Some books I've found- based in the age of her kids.

Honest toddler:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Honest-Toddler-Childs-Parenting/dp/1476734771

Toddlers are A**holes:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0990592898/ref=pd_aw_fbt_b_img_2?refRID=143CABN3JSCS68Q317QX

Single mothers survival guide:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide/dp/1580910637

One more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0595397522/ref=pd_aw_sbs_2?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

Is this going to be anonymous? If not, ask to borrow her car one day. Say yours is in the shop. Fill it up with gas, wash it, change the oil, whatever you can afford to do.

If she has things on layaway, go pay them off.

These are mostly all monetary things, I know, but it sounds like she may be struggling a bit on that end.

Nominate her or put her name in for draws, raffles, anything. I know the radio stations here sometimes have a week where you can nominate someone awesome for whatever. This could be a good way to do things anonymously.

If you are close to the friend, you can do little things through her. Get her a gift certificate for something, have the friend say she won it and won't use it.

Good luck!!

Unfortunately this is pretty typical.

There are a lot of great books about parents badmouthing each other that might give you some strategy tips:

Divorce Poison

Divorce Casualties

Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome

There are also some books for young kids to help them handle divorce like Two Homes, Dinosaurs Divorce and The Invisible String. Kids really need examples of other kids in their position to understand they're not alone, and books can help with that.

I know this is really hard, but it's also a relatively short time since they split up (year & a half, right?) and there is a definite adjustment period. Just stay positive and don't bash her dad in return. You can respond with things like "I'm sorry your dad feels hurt" or "I'm sure it feels like that to him" or similar neutral statements, but you don't want to put her in the middle by saying he's a liar.

Most of all, you cannot change anyone, no matter how shitty he's being, so make a plan that doesn't involve him suddenly starting to respect you. You have to work around that and find other ways.

The best thing you and your wife can do is lead by example. Stay positive, change the subject, show by your actions that you're good people who are not doing whatever he's accusing you of.

In the meantime, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. If you end up in court, you will need to show a history of his negativity. One of the custody factors judges weigh is which parent is more likely to foster a positive relationship with the other parent. If one parent is repeatedly bashing & badmouthing the other, the judge will not look kindly on that.

You may also consider family counseling for you & your wife & daughter.

Good luck. I've been there, and it is no fun whatsoever.

:internet hugs::

I highly recommend getting the book Runaway Husbands. It really helped me through this past year. Also, you may think there's not an affair, but unfortunately there probably is.

I know exactly how you feel, especially how a person could go from being the person you've always known, saying loving things, treating you with kindness and love, talking about the future, making plans--and then literally the next day is a cold stranger who has no qualms about hurting you.

I'm a little over a year out from mine. The first bit of time is so, so dark and painful. It feels like you will never stop crying or stop hurting. But you will. The pain is like waves. You just hang on tight and survive right now. And over time, the waves come with less frequency and overall less intensity.

The best thing that you can do right now is focus on yourself and your son. Force yourself to eat, even though you have absolutely no desire to. Put an alarm on your phone for meal times and then choke something down, even if it's just a container of yogurt and some berries. Do things that make you feel good. It is impossible to imagine feeling good right now, but find those few things that can bring even the thought of a smile to your face, no matter how momentarily.

I kept a gratitude journal (still do) in which I made myself write three things I was thankful for every single day. Even if it was something small (like using my coffee mug or a snuggle with my cat). It helped so immensely to focus on the small positives as my world was being torn apart.

It feels like you won't, but you will survive this. You will. And it won't always hurt this bad. I promise.

It sounds like you could stand to use some family counseling. You need it, your teen needs it, and it sounds like your wife could need it too.

You say nothing in regard to your wife here, really, but I know many Catholic couples who swear by Retrouvaille as having saved their marriage.

Also recommend he book [Primal Loss](Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997989319/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_3QwrzbJZ3FE9Z) which is now adult children who speak out on the trauma that divorce was to them.

When you agreed to marriage, you agreed to good times and bad. Excluding abuse and enduring unfaithfulness, I think it's best to try and honor that vow, because the damage it does long term to your soul and those of your family isn't worth it. Marriage has seasons. It isn't always good. Sometimes for long stretches it isn't good. But continued prayer and efforts to make it work can help. And your child will be probably inspired by your commitment to your wife and family when you make an obvious and concerted effort to save this marriage. She will ultimately thank you.


Though many Catholics treat divorce as neutral and only remarriage as an issue, divorce is still sinful. When you take a vow before God or in God's name, breaking that vow is a mortal sin. That said, sometimes it's not the fault of one spouse, and sometimes situations necessitate divorce. As you haven't stated anything which indicates necessity (abuse or constant cheating) I would caution you against filing without at least attempting opening up better communication (via counseling, retreat, spiritual direction, etc.)

You're not alone. My wife isn't nearly that far along yet but in A Man's Guide to Newborn Babies, /u/lifecharger talks about the importance of trying to keep your wife from those horror stores because they just make her worry and don't actually help with anything.

I know that my wife has already freaked herself out by googling some symptoms. My best remedy was to pull out some trusted books (mainly What to Expect) and look up the symptoms with her to see what it recommended doing. She trusted the book enough to stop searching Dr. Google and do what it recommended. Maybe a similar approach could help to calm her (and you) down.

Good luck!

As a toddlers teacher, I can tell you that there absolutely are tons of good books!!

You have to remember that there is no "ways to teach my kids." All kids learn differently. Luckily, since you are their parent, you are privileged to info about your kid that us teachers are not!

All kids naturally posses a desire to explore and learn. Teaching a toddler is not so much teaching as it is facilitating. Give your child the ability to explore and play freely. When you see your child has an interest in something, provide resources and opportunities for your child to discover and learn more about that thing. Scaffold. Info on scaffolding: https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/may2017/rocking-and-rolling-empowering-infants-and-toddlers. I recommend spending some time on NAEYC's website. They have TONS of great information.

Books.

I also provided links to Amazon to view the books. I recommend that you buy older editions of the textbooks since these ones are really expensive. The older editions are pretty much the same, and much much cheaper.

• Your Self-confident baby by Magda Gerber.
  
• Developmentally Appropriate Practice by Carol Copple, et al.
  
• Infants, Toddlers, and Caregivers by Janet Gonzalez-Mena, et al.
  
• Elevating Childcare by Janet Lansbury.
  
• The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegal (haven't read this one yet, but my colleagues say it's good).

Hon, I think you need to check out some places like HipMama, blogs where single mothers are congregating. You're in this for the long haul, so find not only sympathy, but people who have been in exactly your place. It will help.

A lot of people like this book too - http://www.amazon.com/Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide-Other/dp/1580910637

In the meantime, take care of yourself, too. Are you in school - getting a degree or a trade? Do you have friends you can turn to?

I'm a fan of Man Vs. Child for the humorous book. Expectant Father and We're Pregnant are good for actual information. We're pregnant is great because it goes week by week in bite-sized chunks, great for people who don't consider themselves "readers."

​

It's aimed directly at dads but I'm sure mums would enjoy it too.
Commando Dad: How to be an elite dad or carer.
Takes you through from birth to 3 years, apparently Prince William used it according to Amazon. I found it a fun read, if you're into SAS style books and that sort of army lingo.There have been loads of offshoots too
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Commando-Dad-Elite-Carer-Birth/dp/1849532613

If you're seriously interested in this subject, I highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0520274067?pc_redir=1410758834&robot_redir=1

It's called Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City. The authors are a married couple, two scholars of intergenerational poverty at Harvard who moved to Camden, NJ in an attempt to essentially answer your question by living among (serial) single parents and hearing their stories.

The gist is that a significant number of low-income men and women in urban areas simply don't see a reason to avoid having kids. They don't necessarily set out to have kids, but if it happens, it happens. This seems astoundingly irresponsible to a lot of people, and in many ways that's certainly true.

Yet it's not completely irrational. These young people grow up in broken communities. Their parents are absent, or incompetent (mental illness, drug addiction, etc.), or simply overwhelmed. The schools are in disarray. Jobs are scarce, let alone good-paying ones. Are there paths out? Sure. But a lot of kids don't see them, or think themselves capable of them.

So they don't expect to get fulfillment from education or employment. What else is there? Raising a child. It's a way, perhaps the way, to make your life matter. Plus, as another book by the same authors explores, young black women are not inclined to wait around for the perfect man to have a kid, simply because so many of the men of their generation are unemployed or in jail or otherwise not marriage material.

Add it all together and you get a culture where having kids at a young age out of wedlock is something of the norm. Multiple kids with multiple partners is common, because if women want to have more than one child, that's often the only option they have.

And, heartbreakingly, these young men want to be good fathers, they just have no idea how. So they have their first kid at, say, 19, completely unprepared for what they're getting into. Then say they lose their job and can't provide, or get into legal trouble, or have a falling-out with the mother. All of a sudden, they're cut out of their child's life, getting time/visits entirely at the mother's discretion.

Don't worry, these guys are painfully aware that this isolation is largely self-inflicted. But they still have a desire (like most people), to be a parent. So with their next girlfriend, they tell themselves that this time will be different. And they mean it! And hey, sometimes they can get it together. Lost in the single-parenthood statistics are the surprisingly high percentages of fathers who remain active presences in their child's lives, they just don't cohabitate with them.

Anyway, I don't know how much of this applies to AP. 7 kids is still pretty crazy regardless of your background. And obviously he has a lot of money now, but I'd bet that his experiences growing up (though I think it was more rural?) were not dissimilar to what Edin and Nelson describe.

(I should note that this phenomenon happens in other communities as well, of course, but this book is interested in black urban single parenthood specifically.)

Ahh OK. Well good luck. This book might help Divorce-Poison-New-Updated-Bad-mouthing

Not exactly what you are looking for but, maybe something like this: https://www.amazon.ca/Memories-My-Grandchild-Keepsake-Grandparents/dp/144130262X/ref=pd_sbs_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=R64SJ7K1276SF9M6YR1C would be good for both of you? She can have some self reflection and you can have a nice keepsake.

I came here to cautiously recommend therapy. My recommendation caused strain on our relationship. It turns out guys don't want you to send constant emails about every therapist within 20 miles who sees kids... If they go to therapy and you're privy to the info, read up on the diagnosis to see how you can help them thrive! I'd also spend less time parenting and more time reading up on step/parenting. Terrible twos often bleed into the threes. Reading was incredibly therapeutic for me.

Stepmonster - popular here, I'm a fan
Single Girl's Guide - never read, well reviewed
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
The Whole-Brain Child
Subtle Art - best book ever

Seems relevant.

"Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There’s a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it’s because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, “I’m a little $hit and they couldn’t take it anymore.”"

My coworker who is my unofficial FIRE friend bought me this book, which has been a god send on knowing what I actually need and what I don't need. It breaks it all down to what's the best option for the price and gives options based on organic vs cost vs made in USA vs safety. 10/10 would recommend.

I'm more of the treat your child like a person camp, so I am loving anything by Janet Lansbury. I'm in the middle of this book and I love it.

Thank you, u/Aragorns-Wifey!

u/wodemajia it sounds like you're in a really hard spot because he doesn't even want to try (I mean, threatening to abandon the kids just because you want him to say "I love you" more? Good lord.). And I presume he won't go to counseling because it "costs money", right? Maybe the only thing left is to suggest small easy improvements and (hopefully) build up over time. But keep trying.

Before you decide, though, take a look at this book so you'll at least be prepared to support your kids through the loss. Children of divorce are silenced to a terrible degree, thus the need for a book like this.

A friend who's a pediatrician recommended Your Baby's First Year, which may be a little too light for your tastes, but I found it easily digestible and a good book to reference quickly when I was wondering if/when the kid was expected to do something.

Yep. Any time I got back home from spending the night at a friend's house or simply went away from nfather to hang out with a friend, and I came back cranky, it was all my evil friend's fault that I was "acting like such a little bitch!" It couldn't be that I was tired from riding my bike with my friend, staying up all night, swimming, or doing any other activity that would cause me to be tired and cranky.

Right before I got married, my nfather told me he had a dream that Mr. Starry kicked me out of the house because (in the dream), I was an alcoholic. Something about this just didn't sit right with me. Why would you tell me this? Especially right before I'm getting married. I called him a few days later and expressed my discomfort, telling him that it took a few days to process things in my mind about how it didn't feel right for him to tell me about that dream. I told him I felt like he wanted Mr. Starry to dump me so I would have to come back home and live with him. He told me "Sounds like your mother has divorce poisoned you against me!" Nfather just loved to accuse my mother of divorce poisoning me against him, when he was the one who brainwashed my younger sister and I against her when he got a bogus order of protection against my mother in order to get her kicked out of her own house so he could move his girlfriend and her kids in. In other words, nfather alienated us from my mother, and not the other way around. Ns love to project, and for a while there, I truly believed that my friends were bad people simply because nfather said they were. It took me a long time to learn to truly think for myself without nfather's influence.

That’s great you’re getting in touch with your gut instincts and recognize they’re there for a reason. It sounds like you’ve suppressed a lot of your true self, voice and thus anger due to your parents. For me it wasn’t until I distanced myself from my parents and started working on myself, journaling, reading books, blogs and watching videos on narcissistic abuse where I got in touch with a lot of my anger. It’s almost like you need to distance yourself first before you can start seeing anything clearly. Educating myself on narcissistic abuse helped me get angry as well.

How much in contact are you with your parents currently? Do you have a spouse that is supportive?

I don’t know specifically what will work for you but I’ll share what worked for me.

What worked for me was to go LC, VLC then eventually transition to NC (instead of NC cold turkey). VLC gave me enough distance to realize that even having minimal contact with my parents was exhausting and stressful. I still had anxiety because they were still in my life and even though it was minimal contact I could not get peace of mind.

I didn’t get in touch with my anger until about 6-7 months into VLC when I began educating myself on narcissistic abuse, reading books and blogs, etc. The distance from VLC gave me some space to be angry without backlash and reflect on my abuse (something my parents would never allow) which gave me the strength to finally go NC. It’s almost like you’re mentally chained when in contact with toxic parents and you need the distance to help break the bondage.

If you’re the scapegoat then reading about that and journaling about your own experience can help you get in touch with your anger as well. Maybe a validating therapist who is trauma trained and knows about narcissistic abuse will help you as well. Make sure they’re validating though as many therapists are not.

A couple resources that helped:

The book that started the NC journey for me was “The Christian’s Guide to No Contact.” This helped me work through my guilt (which you can imagine Christians who cut their parents out of their lives feel) tremendously. I’ve heard many non-Christian’s and atheists find the book helpful too. Here is a link to the book: The Christian's Guide to No Contact: How to End Your Relationships With Narcissistic, Psychopathic, and Abusive Family and Friends, and Still be a Good Christian https://www.amazon.com/dp/1546336664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_41bQAbNC5Y6J7

She also has a blog “Luke 17:3 Ministries” that has helpful info on NC. It’s not visually the best but the content is pretty good http://www.luke173ministries.org/

Shahida Arabi’s blog “Self-Care Haven” and books on narcissistic abuse helped me as well. When you learn about their manipulation tactics it’s almost hard not to get angry. I enjoyed the book “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare.”

YouTube channels like Narcissism Survivor are good too. Here’s a video on narcissistic grandparents: https://youtu.be/t7RIl4SyFP

I’m not sure what will work for you and I can’t pinpoint exactly how I got back in touch with my anger, but I hope the above resources are helpful to you. For me it really was going NC where I started finally getting my self-respect back which also gave me strength to make wiser decisions for myself instead of putting others’ needs before my own. There are a lot of lies we believe when we’re in relationship with toxic people, and separating ourselves first is sometimes the best way to see the truth.

First, good job mom! You choose to not physically assault your children despite how difficult it is! I recommend this book to you. Hang in there.

Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide (The Positive Parent Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143109227/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_MnDmDbY5NG61G

Actually, that was a bit unkind. I remember what it was like to be a kid and dream big. By way of apology, I'd like to recommend some books to you:

https://www.amazon.com/Dove-Robin-L-Graham-ebook/dp/B0089LOFX0/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473462196&sr=1-1#nav-subnav

https://www.amazon.com/Sailing-Alone-Around-Joshua-Slocum-ebook/dp/B00CTOKB8G/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473462104&sr=1-3

https://www.amazon.com/My-Old-Man-Sea-Father/dp/0060976969

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0026772N8/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav

https://www.amazon.com/Years-Before-Mast-Richard-Henry/dp/149224936X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://www.amazon.com/Moby-Dick-Bantam-Classics-Herman-Melville/dp/0553213113

https://www.amazon.com/Master-Commander-Aubrey-Maturin-Novels-ebook/dp/B006C3Q6GG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473462069&sr=1-1

My boss gave me this book after I told him I was pregnant. Baby Bargains
It helped narrow down some stuff and gave reassurance of what to look for with others. In general, I haven’t registered for much cute stuff- clothes, toys, books- because that’s what people like to buy whether it’s on a registry or not. I tried to go more for practical stuff so people would know what we actually need. We aren’t having a shower though, so it might be different if you are expecting tons of people to buy you stuff.

There's a really good post that should show up with some searching regarding oak moves during pregnancy.

I have a ten month old daughter. I avoided dread above above level six and I sparingly used time conditions from level 4. Be the oak, and own it. Research all of the shit that goes into having the responsibility of a child.

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451186831&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains+book+2016

This is a great book for knowing all of the stuff you need and all of things to say no to. Trust me, my FO wanted all sorts of shit that her hormone induced mind was telling her that she needed.

Sign up for a baby CPR class and take the lead on it.

I made time for the gym. 4 days a week minimum. There is no exception to that rule. Do not waiver on this. Time management is a skill that a successful father will have in spades.

I really liked Your Baby's First Year Week By Week, it's (mostly) not scary, includes games and activities for development, and is easy to read.

Fantastic gift. Here’s a book to go with your new aesthetic

Hi, love! I encourage you to read this book;

https://www.amazon.com/Runaway-Husbands-Abandoned-Recovery-Renewal/dp/0986472107/ref=nodl_

What you’ve experienced is unfortunately much more common than people discuss. There is also a Facebook community for abandoned wives based on the book that might be helpful to you!

A part of feminism has always been about making having a baby be a choice for a woman rather than a requirement, but if that comes across as ignoring the plight of mothers, well, that's not intentional. For me personally the fact that women have taken on both the burdens of being a "provider" and taking care of children and housework is a big deal to me. I don't know if this counts as feminist, but this idea has been studied in detail.

This is entirely guessing, but there is a good chance that if she hadn't quit her job the woman in the op's comment would have been doing both engineering and child care, without that much help from the husband. That's extremely common, and sucks.

My husband loved this. It's well written by an ex soldier now stay at home Dad.

It's funny but not patronising.

Clearly written & gave him so great advice about what to expect & how to support me after birth, through breastfeeding etc

Commando Dad: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849532613/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_42vuybAPXQHW3

By the way, if you like this book, I have another book out for new dads on taking care of newborn babies, here. Unfortunately I am unable to do giveaways for this one anymore, but it is reasonably priced and other dads have found it useful.

I got my husband the book “We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook” because it’s supposed to be less condescending than some of the other options. He’s started it, seems like he’s liking it and learning a lot!

Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BQGHPTL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qiTOBbFHSBWK6

I saw a post here saying "a man's guide to newborn babies" would be free in ebook form for 3 or so days on amazon.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Newborn-Babies-Arrives-ebook/dp/B0727MM9XS

Elevating Childcare is what I started with.

She also has a blog/website with lots of great resources.

The resentment about your remarriage is tough. I'm not sure what you can do about that other than fostering relationships with stepdad/half-sis and remaining in her life while she grows up enough to realize that you need to have your own life. On the subject of stepparents, this looks like a good book although it isn't exactly your situation: Stepmonster! I heard a really interesting interview with author on the Dear Sugar radio program.

I bought some of these books and had them fill them out. Now I pick a story or two each time we get together and video record them telling the stories. I've learned so many cool things that I never would've about my parents. I used this one and another one that is a little shorter without daily entries. They make them for grandparents too, FYI.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1563834154/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

edit: I got this one for my Grandmother since she's in her 80's and her handwriting isn't the best and there's a little less to write. There's a bunch of different types if you look around a bit. :) https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/144130262X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I am not a Christian, but heard about this book recently: https://www.amazon.com/Christians-Guide-Contact-Relationships-Narcissistic/dp/1546336664
Maybe it can help?

A fair assessment.

Other explanations include:

1.The decline of the two-parent family, for instance, is almost certainly depressing life satisfaction for the women stuck raising kids alone.

• Before 1970, most unmarried mothers were teenagers. But in recent years the birthrate among unmarried women in their 20s and 30s has soared — rising 34 percent since 2002, for example, in women ages 30 to 34. In 2007, women in their 20s had 60 percent of all babies born out of wedlock, teenagers had 23 percent and women 30 and older had 17 percent.
  
  
• Much of the increase in unmarried births has occurred among parents who are living together but are not married, cohabitation arrangements that tend to be less stable than marriages, studies show.(source)
  
  
  **2.**"The Second SHift"
  
  
• In this landmark study, sociologist Arlie Hochschild takes us into the homes of two-career parents to observe what really goes on at the end of the "work day." Overwhelmingly, she discovers, it's the working mother who takes on the second shift. (source)
  
  
  
  
  This NYTIMES column provides more insight
  
  Liberated and Unhappy

This is one of the absolute best parenting books out there. Most of them are complete garbage. Be warned of that.

https://www.amazon.com/Elevating-Child-Care-Respectful-Parenting/dp/1499103670/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1N4N3K0R7NG5THTXS8Q8

As far as the sailing went I really liked My Old Man and the Sea.
https://www.amazon.com/My-Old-Man-Sea-Father/dp/0060976969/ref=nodl_

The authors of this book interviewed 'deadbeat dads', one of their findings was that:

> When the men learn that their partner is pregnant, they don’t panic, or lament all the freedom they are going to miss. On the contrary, three-quarters of the men in Edin and Nelson’s research were joyous at the news. The men are less likely than the women to want to end the pregnancy with an abortion.

They usually leave in the first year after the kid is born, well after the abortion ship has sailed. They like the idea of being a dad, but not the reality.

My grandparents. I found To Our Children's Children at a bookstore ages ago and thought it looked like un. It's basically a book full of questions about a person's life, childhood, school, dating, marriage, work, etc. What I did was, over the course of...a long time, I can't remember how long, I would email them three of the questions, then they could write up however much of an answer they wanted to and email it back, then I'd email the next three, and so on. Then once we had finally gone through all of the questions, I formatted them and printed them out and made a book out of the answers for each of them. It was pretty interesting. I tried getting my parents and my other grandparents to do it too, but they weren't really interested.

Since he's a new grandpa, you could give him a keepsake book like this.

I second the baby bargains book. I carried mine around and used it to register, at consignment stores, and when I picking up those last few things. Totally worth the purchase price!

Buy and read this book ASAP. It saved my custody case when I went through nearly everything that you described!! Here’s the description:

>> Your ex-spouse is bad mouthing you to your children, constantly portraying you in a negative light, perhaps even trying to turn them against you. If you handle the situation ineffectively, your relationship with your children could suffer. You could lose their respect, lose their affections-even, in extreme cases, lose all contact with them. The conventional advice is to do nothing, that fighting fire with fire will only result in greater injury to the children. But after years of consulting parents who heeded such advice with no success, Dr. Richard Warshak is convinced that this approach is wrong. It doesn't work, and parents are left feeling helpless and hopeless. DIVORCE POISON instead offers a blueprint for effective response. In it, you will learn how to distinguish different types of criticism, how and why parents manipulate their children, how to detect these maneuvers, and how these practices damage children. Most importantly, you'll discover powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with your children.
>>
>>DIVORCE POISON is a time-tested work that gives parents powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with their children-and provides practical advice from legal and mental-health professionals to help their clients and safeguard the welfare of children. Whether they are perpetrators of divorce poison, victims of it, or both, parents who heed Dr. Warshak's advice will enable their children to maintain love and respect for their parents-even if their parents no longer love and respect each other.
https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Poison-New-Updated-Bad-mouthing/dp/0061863262

Found this great book because of the /r/IAmA thing by Adam Mansbach.

Tempted to order a case of them for all the new and expecting parents at work, but not sure if it's totally appropriate. (There must've been a LOT of bonking going on 5-15 months ago, so many folks I know and work with are having babies)

I was told this book would solve all those issues for me. I ordered it yesterday. We'll see...

We are getting this for my parents from Amazon. It's a grandparents memory book. I think it's right up my mom's alley. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/144130262X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481305860&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=memories+for+my+grandchild&dpPl=1&dpID=41Vxsd%2BrWEL&ref=plSrch

On top of advice already given here, grab a copy of Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak. I know parents in a situation similar to yours and they told me this book was really helpful.

That's exactly what I thought (although I did make her an email for people to write to and when she's older I'll give her the passcode. I guess I figure I'll print them out if I hear Gmail is going under? Lol) I bought these for my mom and MIL too. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/144130262X/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=MJEX0T1XTQJS9MCZP8F7

Here's one:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0986472107/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This one really helped me through the worst parts of my divorce:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship/dp/0425172287/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=0MKZHBKAZ2SHWF4EYWX6

She should really file those divorce papers, if anything, just for herself to move on, she can always stop the proceedings should he become mentally stable again. She cannot help him if he doesn't want to help himself, and of all things, she needs to help herself step out of this nightmare. Good luck to your sis.

Based on title alone:

http://www.amazon.com/Toddlers-Are-holes-Your-Fault/dp/0990592898/

Toddlers Are Assholes: It's Not Your Fault

My ex was abusive, so I understand. The lies can do a lot of damage. The problem is, as many as you recognize as such, there are lies you haven't recognized yet. I am nearly four years out and just today realized another lie she told me! The term is "gaslighting" if you want to look it up.

Beware the quiet. He is probably winding up for something - either a big attack or a big push to get you back.

My children were young adults when I told them, so they had some maturity. I stayed for them until they were grown. It's a decision I'm still conflicted about, but I think now it was on balance wrong. I did protect them in most of the ways I had hoped, but left them open to things I was ignorant of. The family was dysfunctional so there's that too. There's no getting around that with an abuser.

Co-parenting is difficult with these types. I haven't read it, but my support group recommends Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak.

Glad you are already feeling better! It's an unusual time. For me, I went through some of the most difficult times ever, but was also happier than I'd been in my life. Quite a roller coaster!