Reddit mentions of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

Wow, leftist academics pathologizing right wingers, I'm so shocked, that'never happened before! (Social Dominance Orientation, Right-Wing Authoritarianism, Freudian psycho-analysis). The genius writing the article torpedoes his own point though;

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>My co-author, Justin Lehmiller, recently published his new book, Tell Me What You Want,  examining the sexual fantasies of 4000 people. The entire book is a fascinating read, but interestingly, Justin found that Republicans fantasized much more about infidelity, cuckolding, and men with very large genitals, compared to Democrats, who were more likely to fantasize about bondage and discipline behaviors or romantic intimacy (this last might be because of gender differences, with more females affiliated with left politics, and these types of fantasies more common in females.).

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Of course he doesn't apply the exact same logic he does to Democrats to Republicans; if fantasies shown to be more common in Democrats are actually just due to more women being Democrats, then fantasies shown to be more common in Republicans are actually just due to more men being Republicans. (and obviously cuckolding is so much more common in men that the term is literally a gendered one).

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Either the author is a moron or a disingenuous shill. Oh wait...

David J. Ley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them.

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Lol, sounds like he's the one with cuckolding fantasies.

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The real point here is that men are more right wing than women, and masculine men are more right wing than effeminate men (which follows from the first point), and scientific studies do indeed show that;

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>The new findings build on previous research, he adds, that suggests that muscular men are more likely to support militarism and war. In the past, researchers discovered a significant correlation between men who were physically formidable and their belief that some social groups should dominate other social groups.

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https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/j5e3z7/gym-bros-more-likely-to-be-right-wing-assholes-science-confirms

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https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-What-You-Want-ebook/dp/B0776PYDNM

Tell Me What You Want has an interesting perspective on submission, namely that sometimes people who have demanding, stressful jobs, or jobs where they bear a lot of responsibility, enjoy being submissive because it allows them to give up control, and therefore give up another set of responsibilities. It's a way of being able to relax and focus on the sex/relationship without it feeling like yet another thing you have to be in charge of.

Another perspective is that at the end of the day it's all biological, and trying to search for a "reason" can just be a rabbit hole that leads to nothing but useless guilt and frustration. There is a fact: you enjoy being submissive. There's no inherent meaning attached to that fact. It doesn't say anything about anything. It's just a thing that your body ended up finding pleasurable, and there's really no need to assign a judgement or a meaning to it.

Either way, just focus on the fact that you basically won the lottery and have someone who seems to match you really well. That doesn't happen for everyone. Sit back and enjoy it.

Yes!

To redress the balance with some sex positive talk from folks who know what they're talking about, can I suggest:

• Come as You Are by Emily Nagowski
  
• Where Should We Begin (Podcast) with Esther Perel
  
• OMGYes.com
  
• Savage Lovecast (Podcast) with Dan Savage
  
• American Sex (Podcast) with Sunny Megatron
  
• Edited to add: Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire by Justin Lehmiller (haven't read this yet!)
  
  What other readings and resources would people recommend?

So I actually did this neat post awhile back looking at the science of fantasies. Having seen the actual science, I can assure you it's super common. Even for guys.

Specifically in that study, 53% of men and 65% of women fantasized about being dominated sexually. In another study done by Justin Lehmiller, he gathered narratives people's favorite fantasies and surveyed them about what other kinds of fantasies they have had. He created 7 different groups/labels of the most common fantasies. Kink and BDSM were the third most common in his list. The others were things that are often associated with kink (such as group sex for example).

Of course fantasy is different than reality. But even the reality numbers are pretty common. Here is a great blog post about it (with references). Keep in mind that numbers like 30% don't seem very high. But that's almost 1 in every 3 people!

Long story short, fantasizing about and doing kink is super common. Especially things like being tied up and spanking. Even for dudes. Don't feel self conscious or ashamed at all.

Not lying about that survey, it's fucking amazing. The results were published in a book by sex researcher Justin Lehmiller PhD. Ignore the lame marketing on the cover, it's a fascinating body of work.

TL;DR, apparently none of us are as weird and perverted as we think lol. Do yourself a favor & see what others are getting up to, read this shit <3

It's well sourced too, dude is just presenting the evidence, and it's gonna make you feel better about yourself haha.

https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-What-You-Want-ebook/dp/B0776PYDNM

Found the text from the article for ya:

>My co-author, Justin Lehmiller, recently published his new book, Tell Me What You Want,  examining the sexual fantasies of 4000 people. The entire book is a fascinating read, but interestingly, Justin found that Republicans fantasized much more about infidelity, cuckolding, and men with very large genitals, compared to Democrats, who were more likely to fantasize about bondage and discipline behaviors or romantic intimacy (this last might be because of gender differences, with more females affiliated with left politics, and these types of fantasies more common in females.).
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>This certainly isn't new. In the early 1990’s, Florida politics rocked with a titillating sex scandal: a deputy sheriff was arranging for men to have sex with his wife for money, while the deputy secretly recorded the encounters. At trial, the wife, Kathy Willetts, claimed that nymphomania had been the cause of the couples’ behavior. The scandal got even deeper when it was revealed that many of Willetts' sex partners had been prominent Republican politicians. Trump advisor Roger Stone has acknowledged participating in swinging and describes himself as a "libertine." 

Not really surprising, given the amount that many of you guys talk about that stuff.