Reddit mentions of The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

That is really exciting! Good luck :)

I have a variety of experiences I could share but I'm not sure what's relevant so I'll give some general advice first. Probably the most important thing is to communicate openly about your needs, desires, and boundaries. Especially the two of you who are already in a relationship. If you start to experience negative feelings about the situation, don't hide that on account of thinking you "shouldn't" feel that way. When you talk it through with a partner you can often find a way to work through those emotions.

Make sure you agree ahead of time, before the opportunity presents itself, about any limits on sex with others, and especially about safer sex practices. If you do end up having sex with him, either individually or as a threesome, it'd be good for you and your girlfriend to check in after the fact and talk about how you feel.

There are some books you could read such as The Ethical Slut or More Than Two as well as a lot of podcasts and blogs.

Remember, there's no one right way to do it. You really get to choose your own adventure together, which is part of what makes poly so awesome!

Speaking from experience, both my own and long, active involvement in the poly community.

One-sided open marriages are almost always a recipe for disaster. Your chance of success is staggeringly low. You also want to consider what open means to you as far as sexual and emotional involvement.

If he only wants ONS or pick-up play, he's going to spend a lot of time chasing it with lower chance of success. That means higher chance of frustration for him. If he wants a FWB or secondary partner, then that's a big change in relationship dynamics. Do the 3 of you hang out ever? How much time can he spend with her? Can she spend the night, and if so, which bed dues he sleep in?

He's likely to develop feelings for any FWB or certainly a secondary partner. If he's after ONS, then he's going to spend more time on the hunt - including potentially getting frustrated, sulky, etc. How will you feel about either of these?

What if the other woman/women are younger than you? Prettier? Thinner?

What about rules? Can he give/receive oral? Anal? Does he need to use barriers for vaginal and anal but not oral? Does he need to shower before coming home? Brush his teeth before kissing you?

Poly/open causes a TON of relationships to fail. This is in large part due to relationships that are already somewhat rocky trying to repair by opening up. This doesn't at all mean poly is bad. It's no better or worse than monogamy. But it's very, very different.

Now, if you want to experiment, first hire a sex worker for a threesome. You can go out, and like thousands of other newbie curious couples, try and attract a bisexual woman to come play, but you're likely to not be successful for a few reasons.

1. Bi women interested in joining an existing couple for no strings attached sex are so rare that they are nicknamed "unicorns," as in they are mythical creatures who don't exist
   
   
2. speaking as a former unicorn, we are so rare because we too often are treated like disposable fetish dispensers - a body to experiment with and expected to go away, with no regard for our pleasure or emotions. Entering into an existing couple means working within their relationship and all of it's existing nuances - including jealousy. And if all they want is a one time fling, or worse, the man has the stereotypical male wet dream of two women dying for his cock, then my chance of getting anything out of it besides being used and discarded is close to nil. This is extremely high risk with first time couples.
   
   
3. Sex workers know what they are getting into. They seek out with like this, they're amazing at what they do, and they are happy to focus on your pleasure. You don't need to worry about them. Have an amazing time, and process all of the emotions (and you especially, will have a ton) afterwards.
   
   Whatever you do, move SLOW. Go to poly meetups. Read books like Opening Up and The Ethical Slut. Read the poly subreddit.
   
   Be very aware of how dangerous this can be, and how amazing. Poly can open up a world of wonderful partners and amazing sex, but from one woman to another who never had any interest in being open but keeping my husband happy - 4 years later we got divorced.
   
   I was poly myself for a while, but in retrospect it was too try and balance out him. To try and make it so it didn't hurt so much. I can't split my attention, devotion, and love. I got physically and emotionally sick during those awful years, although I constantly lied to myself about how happy poly made me. I have emotional baggage from it. It feels as if I am recovering from adultery at times, but truly, he didn't do poly nessecarily wrong! He is truly poly, and I am deeply not.
   
   I'm now in a mono relationship, which a man who understands that while I can do shared play (foursomes, partner swaps) to an extent, we are far from truly open or poly.

Hi there!

A book I usually recommend to people would be reading "The Ethical Slut". This book taught me a lot about not just doing poly relationships but just being a better, more open, honest partner and being clear about my intentions and needs. They cover a variety of different relationship scenarios and also invite you to reflect internally as to what makes you tick.

I use its principles even when dating multiple people casually as to avoid conflict and it really helps get a mental bearing. :)

It can get really complex: the boundaries you set are intensely personal and unique to the two/three/whatever of you. I'd recommend checking out the sample chapters of Opening Up and The Ethical Slut and see if either one resonates with you, and then reading the whole thing. Personally I preferred Opening Up.

Introspection to see what you're comfortable with is important, but so is constant communication with your partner. Conversation will likely unearth perspectives you wouldn't consider on your own.

> I do not want to leave my wife but is there anything I can do to maybe make my perspective more clear?

Well, first off you have not really made your perspective very clear to us. What is it that interests you about polyamory? Lots of people get a lot of different things out of it. Even among the polyamory community there is vast differences between the way that people go about being polyamorous.

Then there is other types of non-monogamy. Is poly even right for you or would you be happier with some other sort of non-monogamy like swinging or hall-pass situations, or even just the occasional sex-adventure with your wife?

Based solely on your ages and time together it seems likely both of you never really explored your sexuality much before settling in to a monogamous relationship together. Could it be that you are experiencing some sort of identity crisis where you are wondering about what you are missing out on in life by having committed to one person so young?

Here is a link to some of the books already mentioned in this thread. I would also highly recommend that you both read together and talk about them. Make it a activity you do together. Set a time frame for you to each read a chapter and then talk about that chapter.

I would recommend you both read (pretty much in this order)

[More Than Two] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DQ20WZQ)

[The Ethical Slut] (https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships-ebook/dp/B01N0SA1YW/)

[Opening Up] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0097DDYR2)