Reddit mentions of The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

You have it made, little brother. You're beginning this journey at an optimal age. Your life, starting now, will be an amazing climb into all manhood has to offer the bold. Congratulations.

Now. Here are the instructions I would've given 17-year-old me.

Read:

The Way of Men by Jack Donovan.

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.

Everything by Robert Greene.

The works of Rudyard Kipling, Jack London, and Mark Twain. Plus Jules Verne if you enjoy science fiction. Read as many other classical authors as you want, there's a very good reason their work has stuck with us.

Psychology texts. Philosophy texts. Study how to think, what it means to think, and how the way people think has changed throughout history.

Speaking of, history texts. Learn from the triumphs and failures of men before you.

Do:

Study nutrition & exercise science. I recommend looking into the Paleo nutrition philosophy, but make up your own mind based on your own research. In fact, making up your own mind based on your own research should probably be the number one thing you focus on. Never follow the lead of the herd.

Learn how to build habits. This will help to increase your productivity throughout your life. Find your ideal routine, and stick with it until it's natural; then feel free to deviate occasionally. Practice mindfulness at all times.

Learn to fight. Martial arts, boxing, wrestling - study some form of self-defense, preferably more than one. When you can handle yourself in a fight, you've taken one step further along the path of truly understanding yourself.

Study people. Talk to people. Befriend people. Piss people off when you have cause. Ultimately, lead people.

Pursue your passions. Explore what makes you tick. Know your strengths, and excel at them.

Above all else, remember:

Think with your mind. Act from your balls.

For your first point. Are you actually interested in knowing? There are ways to increase your attractiveness, without becoming an entirely different person, and other than being:

• in shape
  
• respectful
  
• affectionate
  
  These aren’t BAD qualities, but I wouldn’t say they lead to attraction.
  
  Attraction is an emotion. It requires a bit of push/pull in your interactions with her.
  
  Examples of “pull”:
  
  
• Being affectionate
  
• cuddling
  
• kissing
  
• asking about her day
  
• doing things to make her life easier (making her coffee, helping her with something around the house)
  
  Examples of “push”:
  
  
• Tease her about silly things to make her laugh
  
• Do things that improve YOUR life and support your life’s mission
  
• Let her come to you when she’s busy
  
• Tell her what she can do to help make things better for your relationship.
  
• find something enjoyable to do on your own
  
  In the pull examples only she may feel overly secure in the relationship. This can lead to boredom and apathy. Mixing in a little push is good for both of you. Right now she’s all push and you’re all pull and the balance is off.
  
  You should both find balance with that, but if you start it will initiate better balance for her as well.
  
  Also check out this book (seriously!):
  https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges-ebook/dp/B004A8ZWM4 (if you google it you can find a free pdf version).

You're not a terrible person; shes a difficult person. You wanted to do something nice and logical and conventional, yet she denied it adamantly initially. Then you do the best thing given her wishes and she gets upset for it not being enough.


Look, I don't know your wife or you or your relationship dynamics, but given this situation and the information at hand, she seems to me like the kind of person that likes to be overly dramatic. The perpetual victim. The kind of person that will huff and puff and stomp around because something is wrong, but when you ask what's wrong she says, "Oh, it is nothing."


Dont let it get to you. If I am right about her character, I would highly suggest counseling because such a mentality is toxic. I also suggest reading some literature, as apparently it has changed the lives of many men. This book is a good one:


The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004A8ZWM4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_mAW6AbB7TY4T6

My crazy life situation is starting to settle, a bit. Unfortunately, my wife and I are separated and planning to divorce (to be finalized before year's end). I've made peace with it and even received a clean bill of mental and spiritual health yesterday from the counselor / spiritual teacher I've been working with on this.

Formal practice is starting to come back online. I'm not entirely sure what shape that will take. But last night, for example, I did some prayer work and a magickal ritual, along with some concentration practice, intended to keep me grounded as exciting new possibilities open out of the wreckage of the prior relationship and to continue cultivating love, compassion, patience, and forgiveness as the relationship with my soon-to-be-ex wife assumes a new form.

As an additional challenge, I'm starting to form new relationships and social connections. So far, that's taken the form of dating, even though I'm not as interested in physical romance at the moment. Initially, I was a bit lost in my approach there, but now I'm realizing how valuable it is to learn about the suffering of others and to be with them in that suffering, helping them in whatever way I can. Doing so doesn't necessarily kill the erotic element, either. It's really powerful to be able to just be myself, open, honest, and loving, without pushing away the possibility of a meaningful romance. I feel quite liberated and at peace at the moment.

That said, when I see a beautiful mind or body, there is a grasping tendency I've detected, wanting to control and possess that thing. So, it's been really wonderful practice to just keep my heart open, allow the experience to arise, and then engage that experience skillfully, honestly, and compassionately, without expectation. That's not always easy. Things have been exciting lately. But I'm making progress.

Before the explosion of my relationship, I often guarded my heart out of fear. This situation forced me face that fear. Now, I feel unafraid in matters of the heart. Pain doesn't scare me. It's awesome. From The Way of the Superior Man:

> Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man's true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pains and act with spontaneous skill and love even from that place.

This has been tested early on in a new relationship I've formed with somebody who I never would have expected to meet, ever, much less while in the midst of all the other challenges I have been facing. She's struggling with her own challenges -- having shared a similar experience -- and understandably skeptical that I'm currently at peace with my situation. I care about her a lot and hope that I can enter into and engage in that relationship skillfully, patiently, and compassionately, for both our benefit.

I expect more challenges in the future. But I'm ready for them. I feel like a soldier who completed a combat tour and is now back home dealing with the challenges of everyday life. Yes, they are real challenges, but it's not like being shot at. I have a lot of courage and confidence at the moment to face anything that might arise. Today is a good day.

It's still irrelevant. You're better off getting a part time job and renting a room off campus than living under the thumb of your parents. I do live alone and have graduated with an undergrad and masters degree. I had a very difficult and painful time setting boundaries with my parents, but in the end it was worth it.

I strongly suggest reading The way of the superior man it is an excellent read and well worth the time and money.

Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges-ebook/dp/B004A8ZWM4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510014338&sr=8-1&keywords=way+of+the+superior+man

Every man here should read The Way of the Superior Man. It's a spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire.

I think it may be too soon for a redressing of that balance (because a glass ceiling still exists in many ways), but that day is coming when men will take on their own liberation from the expectations of their own gender too.

If you look at the crime stats, men are the overwhelming perpetrators of violence, sexual violence etc and have lower life expectancy, bad health and many other attributed differences. And now women as an aggregate in school are moving ahead of men, with higher grades, and in many fields more university entrants.

Some of those attributes might be genetically related, in that inherently the sexes are different and aggregate attributes will be different. However the key is that men won't be constrained as they are now in a social expectation of who they are, what they can or should do and be etc.

Men will claim it, just like women claimed their own liberation. Women and men will then celebrate their own perspectives, differences and genders.

It's an oldie, but I recommend a simple but inspiring and practical book on the subject: The way of the superior man

Edit: and be

This post reminded me of the beginning of the book Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I can't remember the exact phrasing but it's something like this:

1. You will always have some challenge calling you that demands you find your edge.
   
   
2. If you ignore that challenge, you will deteriorate spiritually. You need to face that fear and pain in order to be a whole person, even at the cost of the approval of family or friends.
   
   
3. You are dynamic, and your edge will change after you have achieved it. If your edge does not change, you are lying to yourself and settling into your comfort zone, which will bring the spiritual deterioration above.
   
   So, OP, I think you have a good perspective for a positive outlook, but it will enable a pernicious and insidious weakness later on.
   
   I think you owe yourself better.
   
   Fuck that noise.
   
   Get your goal.
   
   Drag it kicking and screaming from the prison of your reluctant muscles and your stubborn adipose tissue.
   
   Then, when you achieve that goal, look in the distance at some point you can barely see, point to it, and start walking.
   
   Great work on the weight you have lost. Keep your eye on the prize.

I would recommend this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-ebook/dp/B004A8ZWM4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381114755&sr=8-1&keywords=way+of+the+superior+man

I would lead by example and find a therapist for yourself to do some personal work. If she sees a change in you, she might be motivated to try herself. No amount of discussion, logic, or pleading will make her do this. If it does, she will not be invested in the process. It has to be her idea. If you want to force the issue, do not do it directly, find a mutual friend to obliquely bring up the topic somewhere she feels safe. You have tried direct assaults on her defenses up to this time, change tactics and always use flanking maneuvers ;-).

What her family has done to her amounts to emotional abuse. She has internalized the feeling that she "will never be enough". The arrogance and hypersensitivity to perception would indicate to me that she is deeply insecure about herself. It is difficult to love someone when you do not love yourself.

You have to know calmly and coldly within yourself that you can walk away from this relationship. Until you can look her in the eye and calmly tell her that, she will continue to believe you will tolerate the current situation.

You may find this an interesting read while you are deciding your course of action: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges-ebook/dp/B004A8ZWM4

Cool. It really changed how I approach sex for the better. If you like his writing at all you should also check out The Way of the Superior Man by the same author. It has some stuff about sex but it's mostly about how to live as a man in the modern world. I reread it every few months or so. It's phenomenal. Good luck to you!