Reddit mentions of The Essential Difference: The Truth About The Male And Female Brain

Try The Essential Difference, written by a Cambridge professor of psychology.

>Men have a tendency to analyze and construct systems while women are inclined to empathize. With fresh evidence for these claims, Baron-Cohen explores how these sex differences arise more from biological than cultural causes and shows us how each brain type contributes in various ways to what we think of as "intelligence." Emphasizing that not all men have the typically "male" brain, which he calls Type "S," and not all women have the typically female brain (Type "E"), Baron-Cohen explores the cutting-edge research that illuminates our individual differences and explains why a truly "balanced" brain is so rare.

Very roughly, most girls use toys as ways of facilitating empathy play, and most boys use toys as tools for understanding how things work, due to inherent differences of the male and female mind. This doesn't mean nurture doesn't play a part in this, just that nature shouldn't be completely disregarded.

Short answer (inspired by this):

• We tend to be really good with, and have great appreciation for, systematic things such as machinery, rules, games, programming, routines, troubleshooting, administration, procedures, disciplines, rhetoric, logic and argument, etc.;
  
• We tend to suck at empathic things related to "reading" people, intuitively understanding and appreciating what their inner states (emotions, motivations, attitudes, etc.) are, especially if they don't say so in just so many words.
  
  Also, bear in mind the difference between cognitive empathy vs. affective empathy. Women tend to be so naturally adept at all sorts of empathy that they may not realize there's a difference between caring what someone thinks or feels (or something else about their inner state) vs. knowing what they think or feel. If a man is any good at one, he's likely not so good at the other; if he can read and respond to your feelings or attitudes, he still may not actually care much about you, and if he has care and concern for you, he still may not be able to tell what you think or feel if you don't tell him about it.

Howdy. Thanks for talking about it. It sound bad man, you seem to be really crying out and wanting to get into trouble one way or another. I entirely understand that, I'm not condemning it as much as just mirroring it back.

I saw you post this on another thread:

> i have "girl feelings" often, so i get you.

I'm pretty much that way. Let me share a bit about myself. Just to build some context on some advice. In fact, I consider myself way over-empathetic compared to "average" of current society. There are some recent studies that say Aspergers people (mostly males with extreme brains, this book is about Aspergers: http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Difference-Truth-about-Female/dp/0738208442 ) can have too much empathy. Genetics, environment, I don't know... but I'm a bit curious of this current emo trend in society.

It has really helped me in my relationships with people to be dramatic in content - not presentation - with my talking. To pull out legendary stories and say - yes, I'm not crazy, I'm just a bit extreme in my thinking. If you get good at it, most accept it. In many ways, this past 12 months has been a major social improvement in my life.

Prior to this, people liked to praise me as a computer genius, but they don't understand that my brain is this way - it isn't something I can choose to "turn off" in other areas of life. I have developed a rather unique and different way of looking at life. To carry books with me ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1843105373/ is a small on I carry ) in my laptop bag. I don't use it very often, but at times it helps to explain to people that there really are genetic issues that don't just go away. We manage them, we do our best.

From Wikipedia: "Compassion is a human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering."

It might sound simplistic... but helping people, local homeless - people here. Has given me an outlet for my empathy! Instead of suppressing it, I drain it. And now I'm divorced and dating - looking for a partner in the crime of life - I am up front within the first few days as to my issues. Essentially, I'm a bit on the higher-maintenance scale. It's freedom now, I can be more myself, and actually get help from my friends instead of having to constantly try to conform / be something I'm not.

I share all this in hopes you can look at the parts of your own life and see if perhaps there is some way you can get your wife or a good friend to truly understand you have lifelong problems. that you don't react to stress like most do, it isn't fun - but it eats at you. some people thing stress is motivation, a "punish" and "whip" approach to motivation. For me, it's the opposite. I much prefer to be gently and repeatedly encouraged more like a child. I don't give a shit if people consider me a bit childish, it's real, you bring it up with my genetics or nature or god - but I'm sick of having so many people fix me.

> i imagine a Glock 9mm. the barrel forced past my tonsils as i supress the gag reflex and pull the trigger. "the cop method" of going out.

I've never had anything like this. That's far beyond what I feel. You really need to consider putting a big halt or change in your life... it's clear you are letting this image sear into your head. Time to eject.

We can keep talking, I'm not beyond even talking to your wife on the phone or what. Can we sort out a person in your life you can keep talking to daily on the phone or something? You need a buddy until you get past this. It can be people here on reddit, but ideally your wife is doing her best. it's clear you have a long-term problem, and people want quick fixes, but sometimes it isn't quick fixes. Somebody permanently in a wheelchair doesn't get "quick fixes", it's a lifestyle change. Do you think you are dealing with life-long issues here.... that need more than quick fixes?

The western man is supposed to be unique, all about individuality - but I find right now it's not really desired. Everyone just wants you to be a breadwinner, a quiet person (don't express your opinion unless it agrees with mine seems the current norm). Unless you are famous or really good looking or really cool - you don't compete with the people on TV, music, movies. I'm generalizing here, but these technologies are only 100 years old - and an iPod carrying around all this self-selected content does have a real impact on society and human to human interaction. How much, nobody can precisely measure, but I see it. I do a lot of travel (Austin, Chicago, New Orleans, Seattle, San Francisco all since September)

On this message (my response here), I know I'm all over the board a bit. Partly me today (I'm in a hurry, and a few things on my mind), but partly I'm trying to scatter your mind a bit with some new approaches to this - you gotta break this dead-end thinking you are on - and you know it.

Just look at the links and answer this question: If women's underrepresentation in maths and science is because of inherent underlying differences in the brain, then why does their participation and performance in maths and science change with time, with culture, with stereotype threat, with parental influence and with training?

And of course I'm a feminist: I believe men and women are equal and should have equal respect, rights and opportunities.

ETA: you cited Baron Cohen. You don't think he has an agenda?? http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Difference-Truth-About-Female/dp/0738208442 The difference is who has facts to back up her/his position.

The fact that we dont completely know how something works doesnt mean that we cant make observations on it based on evidence. Male and Female brains, on average, have some pretty consistent characteristics that are different from each other. There is some interesting reading to do on the subject, such as:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Essential-Difference-Truth-Female/dp/0738208442