Reddit mentions: The best wedding books

Congrats on your engagement! Non religious ceremonies are common and popular. You will need a justice of the peace or officiant to marry you, and you will still need to carry out the procedure of getting a marriage license, the rules of which vary depending on which state you live in. Otherwise, you don't need to do anything official besides getting your marriage license and showing up for your wedding.

Regarding who pays, it was long ago a tradition that the bride's parents pay, but that is honestly an old tradition that isn't really followed anymore. In my experience, usually the bride and groom pay and plan, but sometimes the parents will offer to contribute (they are not asked however). If they do offer to pay for all or part of your wedding, it is good courtesy to ask if there are certain people they would like to invite, or things they would like to see at the wedding.

Wedding party: totally optional. You can have 8 bridesmaids, or 1 maid of honor, or no one. If your fiance is having 5 groomsmen, you do not need to have 5 bridesmaids. It's really a "do whatever you want" kind of thing. If you do choose to have a bridal party, just remember that they are not responsible for anything such as planning a bridal shower or bachelorette party, or helping you DIY centerpieces and stamp invitations. A lot of American wedding movies make it look like bridesmaids are slaves to the bride, but this is actually really frowned upon. If your bridesmaid offer to plan a shower or help you with invitations, that's a different story.

Some other American things are registering for household items, maybe sending out save-the-dates 9-12 months before the wedding (this is optional), sending invitations out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, having a cocktail party after the ceremony that leads right into the reception, having a first dance with your husband, possibly doing mother/son and father/daughter dances (also optional), getting a DJ, cutting cake, and maybe doing an after-party somewhere.

I'm the oldest in my family and first to get married, so I didn't have a ton of help planning my wedding. I read this book which was helpful (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003DYGO0K/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav) and also perused wedding websites such as The Knot. Feel free to PM me for any other questions!!

Can commiserate about mom being overbearing.

My advice to you (based on your description of your mom maybe this isn't a good idea—but it's what I wish I had done about six months ago) is to have a "boundaries" conversation with your mother. Tell her that you appreciate her input, but that you are going to be making final decisions on things, and she's going to have to deal with it. Nicer than that, but you know. Something along the lines of "all you want is for me to happy, right? Okay, well, I will be much happier if you let me make my own decisions like an adult."

It also might be worth mentioning that weddings are just DIFFERENT now than they were whenever she got married. Trends, and "traditions" come and go, but none of it really MATTERS other than what you want to do, as long as you can afford it.

I also recommend reading A Practical Wedding, and for further reading, One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. These books cover the topics of how when people talk about wedding "traditions", they're really only talking about things that have happened specifically in the Western world, mostly in the last 50 years. Brides didn't even wear white until about 100 years ago. The most historically "traditional" wedding you could have would be in the best dress you already own, with some flowers picked from your front garden, and it would take place in your living room.

I can't tell you how many times my mom pulled the "tradition" card during my planning and I called bullshit. It's liberating—try it!

P.S. Sorry for the wall of text...got carried away.

You can definitely do your wedding for < $20-30K, but you will need to be flexible about what you must have. I'd suggest checking out /r/weddingplanning. I really liked Bridal Bargains by Denise Fields - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1889392294/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Some random ideas...

• Your dress - buy used (http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/) has great options. Or buy a sample from a salon. I got my utterly gorgeous dress for 60% off by buying a sample I found online from a salon out in California.
  
  
• Save hundreds on your cake by having a small cutting cake for you two (or a big-looking cake that's mostly fake tiers with real cake tier on top for cutting). Buy a grocery store sheet cake to feed guests.
  
  
• Flowers - Consider doing silk flower arrangements yourself that you can create ahead of time or using dried flowers. If you must have real flowers, then when you talk to your florist, give her colors you want instead of specific flowers. For example, if you wanted white and bright yellow, hydrangea + yellow billy balls / mum centerpieces is going to be much less $$ than hydrangea + tulips + freesia + roses. Don't do high arrangements - they cost more. If you must have flowers at your ceremony, make sure you can reuse them at your reception. You can also consider doing your own flowers. I'm doing my own bouquets. They're so ridiculously easy. PM me if you want more info on that.
  
  
• Use theknot.com and weddingwire.com to thoroughly research vendors. That's how I found our photographer - $2500 for her + second shooter unlimited hours day of wedding and we get a thumb drive with all our images on it so we can print out own. She's less expensive because she's younger and building her portfolio. But her photos are gorgeous. All my friends' photographers were at least $5k.
  
  PM me if you want more ideas; I'm getting married in the spring, so I'm all over the wedding shit right now.
  
  edit - formatting junk

This book - https://www.amazon.com/How-Buy-Diamond-Insider-Secrets/dp/1402267320

Read it and then go to a store that sells loose diamonds - the cost of your ring should be the value of the stones plus the setting - thats it - anything else is marketing.

Spend your money on a larger stone as opposed to lots of little ones if you can - also quality > quantity (size) IMHO. If you ever see someone with a big gumball engagement stone but it doesn't reflect light or sparkle different colors, they are basically wearing a big ball of charcoal.

Your best value tends to be in the popular cuts and sizes - for example it is very easy to find a well priced round cut 1ct stone.

I don't personally believe in the value of platinum for a setting - white gold should save you some money and looks great.

If you do go for a traditional single stone setting, make sure its secured in there - i think its 5 prong minimum if I am not mistaken.

As for other stones in the setting, unless they are of equal quality to the main stone, they can detract from the overall quality of the stone (unless they are set in the band then they won't block any light).

Lastly, as for the "personal style" etc. - if someone is really invested in a specific style or kind of ring fine - otherwise go traditional as possible (i.e round cut single stone setting). I know people that bought pear cuts etc. that now regret it.

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas! :) Here are a couple things I liked in my planning:

1. Wedding Planning for the Busy Feminist - Practical and funny and very useful day-of timelines. Also a great appendix of vendors, designers, etc. https://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Planning-Feminist-Amanda-Pendolino/dp/1980821887
   
   
2. The Knot's Planning Binder - Great for organizing contracts and business cards, I liked their color swatches for choosing coordinating colors. https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Wedding-Planner-Organizer-binder/dp/0770433367
   
   
3. Budget Savvy Bride Wedding Planner & Organizer https://www.amazon.com/Budget-Savvy-Wedding-Planner-Organizer-Checklists/dp/1623159857
   
   
4. K Company Smash Book - My sister in law gave me this - a great place to collect all sorts of mementos as you're planning your special day! https://www.amazon.com/K-Company-30-659391-CompanySMASH-Wedding/dp/B007HONAV8/
   
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Handfasting and Wedding Rituals has some Greek weddings, and some specifically gay Pagan weddings. Hellenic Polytheism: Household Worship also contains a wedding ritual as well.

Are there deities you feel exceptionally close to? They should be a part of it. If not, Hera, Aphrodite, Eros and Hymen are certainly important, as they are deities of love, and you may also wish to call upon gods of gay love (Aphrodite again, Dionysus, Antinous).

As a gay man who also hopes to one day get married (At the theatre of Dionysus, if it works), please feel free to share your ideas!

I purchased the Knot's binder. Though it's been supremely helpful at keeping me organized, make sure she takes some of the info it includes with a grain of salt. For example, it has wonderful budget guides. However, it accounts for expenses that don't gel with everyone's vision for their wedding day...she should feel free to edit the tools it provides, or not use the ones she doesn't need.

Also, A Practical Wedding has been a wonderful resource to keep me grounded and focused on what matters to my FH and I.

Try books!

I haven't read this one, but it looks promising: The Wedding Officiant's Guide: How to Write and Conduct a Perfect Ceremony.

I bought this one because FH & I are writing our own ceremony for our aunt to officiate and it's been really helpful so far: The Wedding Ceremony Planner: The Essential Guide to the Most Important Part of Your Wedding Day. Head's up, she does recommend at the beginning that you don't have non-pro officiants, but we just disregarded that. There's tons of details in there about planning a ceremony I had never thought of, and a ton of ceremony examples.

EDIT: Oh shit just realized you're 48 hours out from the wedding??? You can read those in browser or on a Kindle if you have one... good luck!

Oh my goodness, that little kitten looks soooo sweet! Was it a rescue? You could name him Oliver (like Oliver Twist), or Earl (since he's gray, like the tea), or VooDoo ( like the song "Big Bad VooDoo Man").

This book can be bought used for .01 and ships for $3.99!

Thanks for the contest! Good luck naming your little fur baby!

I ADORE pygmy goats! Lucky you! What sort of degree/program are you looking at for grad school?

Also, congrats on the pending nuptials! I got married 3 years ago and miss the wedding planning. It was so much fun! I highly recommend Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. It will help you keep things in perspective and keep you from being distracted by all the wedding-related BS that is so prevalent today.

I have an ebook of this, not the hard copy, but I am finding http://www.amazon.com/The-Wedding-Book-Big-Your/dp/0761139605 to be very, very thorough. The reviews about it not being helpful for small weddings are a bit off-base, too, so even if your wedding is smaller/more affordable I think it's still helpful. You'll just have some sections to skip if your wedding is less complex.

I actually find it overwhelmingly comprehensive at the moment, but it has brought up things that wouldn't have occurred to me. There are two pretty detailed timelines, one for a year-long engagement and one for shorter engagements, and for each vendor there's a checklist of things you should ask them about. I guess there's a companion ring-bound organizer, too, if you're into that. I haven't personally bought it so I don't know how helpful it is, but based on having read some of the book I like the author's approach and she knows her stuff.

We use/used "The Bride's Essential Wedding Planner Deluxe Edition" I bought it on amazon for about $15.

It was really helpful for guest list creating, though I made sure to photocopy the guest pages because there wasn't enough for our less than 100 invites. It's spiral bound, which I like but the spiral came off the back. Looking back, we realized we're not really "hard book" types when it comes to planning, but I am really impressed with all the space it has for organizing and comparing options for each aspect of the wedding and all the tips and timelines. I think it might have had too many - which is probably perfect for some planners.

Also, invest in a wedding planning book (or find a website). I have "Easy Wedding Planning Plus" http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Wedding-Planning-Plus-Comprehensive/dp/1887169369. It is extremely helpful and includes checklists, a budget outline, money saving tips, ideas, instructions, etc. It has everything. It's the only thing that has helped me really figure out what's going on and where to start. Congrats and good luck with everything!

I just posted this on a different thread but theknot.com has an awesome binder with a timelines and super helpful guidelines on what a typical wedding would include. I would be lost without it. Right now it's only $18!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0770433367/ref=sxts1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483151154&sr=1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65

I think it's probably more helpful to Google than use Reddit if you're just starting to plan. Otherwise you'll either not get the full picture or get a wall of text. We're all biased and may not give a full picture since we're stuck in our own details. Just because someone says you need to have a coordinator or need to pay for it yourself doesn't mean it's true, we don't know you or what you really want. Especially if you're in the beginning stages of planning and you're not sure if something has to be a certain way, you might get misled on Reddit. It's really helpful when you're stuck in a certain detail or etiquette situation, though.

Washington Post planning guidelines

Emily Post is a good source for all things etiquette. Amazon link

Pinterest is also good for getting ideas of what you want, though a lot of things can't be replicated as easily as it seems they can. But it can help you determine if you want something ultra-fancy or something rustic or minimalistic.

hi! i am all about planning as well. i have two wedding planning books at home. 1 my sister gave me so i cant really give that one away but the other... im PRETTY SURE is this one: https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Wedding-Planner-Organizer-binder/dp/0770433367/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=38MC6XSKE7A1A6S3Q5RG

if you like it (and it was the one i can give away - i can check tonight) you can have it. just pay for shipping.

TYVM

We've only been officially engaged for a few months now. We haven't even bought the 3inch wedding planning binder yet, let alone seriously talked about if we're going to have a summer wedding or not. Why? are? they? so? expensive?

<SARCASM>Thank you for reminding me about the most joyous and least stressful part of the wedding planning process: the guest list.</SARCASM>

Go to amazon and buy this book. My co-worker bought it for me and it has helped me so much in my planning. Also, pinterest works wonders for organizing all of your ideas and your bridal party can look there and learn what you are envisioning for your special day! :) I hope this helps!

Maybe I'm a wet blanket, but I wish I could give this book to all of my engaged friends: http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Guide-Surprisingly-Dignified-Wedding/dp/0393069141

The Knot has a great book to walk you through all the stages of wedding planning and answered a lot of my questions. I've found it to be super helpful!

https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Wedding-Planner-Organizer-binder/dp/0770433367

You can totally do it, it'll just be fast paced from the get go. You'll have to prioritize to get things done in the right time frames.
This planner helped me, it has great tips and timelines, but it has way more stuff than any sane bride is actually going to use. If you get it, just throw away the pages that you don't care so much about.
Pointers from me personally would be to set your budget and guest list as soon as possible as they dictate almost all of the decisions that follow. Then find a venue and photographer, as they book up fast. And finally, if you want a wedding gown done the traditional way (made to your specific measurements, instead of trying to find something that is already the right style/size) you should start looking now.
You will definitely be able to get it done! Hope it's not too stressful!

As someone else mentioned, Telushkin's books are very good.

For wedding specific books, when I was planning my wedding, I read both Anita Diamant's The New Jewish Wedding and The Creative Jewish Wedding Book. Both were very helpful.

The Reform movement's publishing arm has just published a new book about Jewish weddings called Beyond Breaking the Glass, and the one amazon review on it so far says it is very user friendly. I have also seen Meeting at the Well recommended for engaged couples.

I have not read it yet, since I just found out about it, but apparently Robert Alter's translation of the Torah is very poetic.

You should take a look at r/judaism's book list as well.

Buy this book! It was my favorite resource. I was able to plan my wedding in less than 6 months.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Wedding-Book-Big-Your/dp/0761139605

First, parents, then I asked my only sister to be my MOH, called my best friends and bridesmaids... then told the world on facebook.

My friend bought me and my partner this book for our engagement, I haven't read through it all, but it does have a lot of useful and interesting advice/tips:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ooh-Yes-Do-Ultimate-Lesbian/dp/1491255854

The knot used to send out binders like that but I think as they got more popular that went away. Maybe they still have the papers on the site you could print?

Edit: Looks like they're out at theknot.com but amazon has some! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0770433367

So, there's nothing wrong with getting a book if you're a pen/paper kind of organized (I am too, I HAVE to write things down). Yes there are tons of online resources but some people just need to write things down and that's totally fine. But that book is from 2004 which is 12 years old, and just looking at the cover I can tell it's probably a veryyyyy traditional book. Yes I judge books by their covers.

If you want something a little more modern I would suggest getting one of these:

• A Practical Wedding
  
• The Knot's Planner
  
• AstroWed this one is very modern
  
  

I'm hoping it is. The first time I did keto it all came off like magic. Now, meh. I mean. I'm in a lot better shape in general than when I first started. My BF is way lower and I have much more muscle now. But still. GRRR. BTW do you have a wedding DIY planner yet? The Knot one is on super sale today!

I have The Knot Wedding Planner and Organizer binder. It's amazing. It has checklists, to do lists, questions to ask each vendor, timelines, etc. Best money that I spent.

I used this book when I first got started doing handfasting and year and a day ceremonies.

Handfasting and Wedding Rituals: Welcoming Hera's Blessing https://www.amazon.com/dp/0738704709/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ug4ZDb141J9FZ

And I am ordained through the ULC. The credentials are good for all of the US. Not sure about anywhere else.

https://ulc.net/

My sister-in-law sent me this when I got engaged and I found it helpful :)

I got the little purple one by uh...Weddings or something. Barnes and Noble, it fit in my purse, took it everywhere with me!

JK foundsies: https://www.amazon.com/Brides-Essential-Wedding-Planner-Deluxe/dp/1454908459/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=C3MNG7R48AW5RV4QNWQN

I found mine at a salon. It's an Alfred Angelo, so the quality is slightly better than David's. You should try finding cheaper designers first, and then the salons that carry them. I bought this book, and it helped me so much! Try googling these: Anjolique, Bonny, Casablanca bridal, Group USA, J Crew (all in the book listed as cheap dresses of good quality). They have so many tips too, to make sure you don't get swindled.

I recommend Handfasting and Wedding Rituals. It has lots of great ideas and sample fusion wedding including a Pagan-Catholic wedding.

We purchased this book when we first got engaged. It was immensely helpful in figuring things out!

I got this planner and it is huge! There are spaces for interviewing 5 vendors of each type with suggested questions. If you have no idea where to start, it's a great and very inexpensive resource for how detailed it is!

Check this out! I’m a huge list person and this has been really helpful for me.

First: Congratulations!

Second: There's a binder that The Knot has released. Here is the link. You won't be sorry!

I agree with the above comment that as long as you wife is not actually writing the notes, maybe she can help with addressing, etc. Although, I personally think that is out of the scope of her duties. Maybe your wife should get the bride this book; it helped me a lot during my wedding. Miss Manners Wedding Book

I bought The Knot's wedding organizer and have been really happy with it.

https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Wedding-Planner-Organizer-binder/dp/0770433367/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485185444&sr=8-1&keywords=the+knot+ultimate+wedding+planner

I really liked The Wedding Book. Lots of lists and even stickers in the back to use as tabs!

http://www.amazon.ca/Handfasting-Wedding-Rituals-Welcoming-Blessing/dp/0738704709

I used this one for my hand-fasting. it's really good.

This book really gave me a lot of really good information.

Mandy Weiss says to order the dresses 4-6 months before the wedding. I highly recommend her book: The Wedding Book. It literally goes over absolutely everything, and has a whole chapter on how to dress your ladies.

I was anti-DB before (thanks to a fantastic article in this book) but as I got carried away with other projects I realized the only place that could get my bridesmaid dresses in time was...DB. I walked in and found my dream dress right in front, so I was screwed. Ladies, the good thing is that once your wedding day has passed the mail stops. I don't get any more calls, mail, or e-mail. It sucked for a while there though...

People or physical planners? I’ve been recommended the one from The Knot:

The Knot Planner

Was it this one?

I can't seem to find our questionnaire, but it included the basics about how we met, why we're getting married, goals for the future, etc. We've settled on hiring an officiant, but I did buy this book at one point, just to get ideas: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1452119015/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

The Knot wedding planner has 2 checklists and one is for a 6 month planning period! I'm not sure if they also have it on their website but here is the planner!