Reddit mentions: The best books about dysfunctional families

http://www.amazon.com/Okay-Youre-Brat-Priorities-Parenthood/dp/1580632025

By a parent, describes what it's like to be a parent with a lot of honesty.

The Myth of Motherhood by Susan Maushart. Mother of 4, wrote the book about a sociologist's view of motherhood from the inside.

I was also thinking of handing her this book sooner to hopefully get her ready for the big talk
http://www.amazon.com/Okay-Youre-Brat-Priorities-Parenthood/dp/1580632025
I doubt it'll sway her opinion, but worth a shot.

Right back at you <3
Also, if it helps, I'm currently reading a pretty good self-help book: The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother: Freeing Yourself From The Guilt, Anger, Resentment and Bitterness of Being Raised (Volume 1) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1942646690/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fSFTzbGBMMYMD

> Part of me thinks that because they had decided not to continue with treatments and to stop the adoption process that they were actually happy without kids.

Yep. This changes the whole tenor of them saying, "You not being able to sleep is payback for all the years you kept us up." People often have kids because it is expected. By the time they had your husband, they'd spent two decades doing their own thing so it stands to reason that they probably resented the change in their lives no matter how much they said they wanted a kid.

In the amazing book, I'm Okay, You're a Brat: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood she addresses people who say that kids acting up or making you lose sleep is payback. The author talks about how her friends all told her how wonderful it was being a parent so she and her husband finally decided to take the plunge. A while after her kid was born she asked those same friends why they didn't talk about how awful parts of parenting are and her friends laughed and actually told her they wanted her to be as miserable as they are. This is only tangentially related but I think a lot of JustNOMILs feel this way. How fucked up is it that they think their grandkids are payback for their own decision to have kids?! It's so bizarre.

I recently found a book called “Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.”

My mother is a Borderline Personality. I’ve come a looooooong way in therapy, and have read both of Peg Streep’s books (Mean Mothers and Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life) but this book has still helped me to see how insidious the psychological abuse was.

The hardest part of healing from this type of abuse is finding all those ugly seeds that were planted in your young, child’s mind. You can’t challenge/confront an idea if you’re not even conscious of having the idea. It’s what keeps so many people trapped/stuck, either with the abuser or at a point of trying to heal but being unable to go farther and not understanding why.