Reddit mentions: The best christian counseling books

Oooo this is my wheelhouse!

First, I would recommend looking at the Mormon History Association Best Book awards going back to 1966. Quality scholarship, research, and writing are a mainstay with them.

Required reading:

Brigham Young: Pioneer Prophet by John Turner / Brigham Young: American Moses by Leonard Arrington

Considered two of the best books about early Utah and the Brigham Young years. Arrington's book was considered groundbreaking when he wrote it, and Turner's book brings in the valuable perspective of the non-Mormon writing about Young. For many Mormons, Turner's book will be less sympathetic to Young than Arrington's, but Turner also worked closely with the Church Archives (and spoke glowingly about them and that process), so his research had access to some better sources. If you need a primer for Brigham Young, I recommend Arrington's book. For a Brigham Young graduate level course, I recommend Turner.

Early Mormonism and the Magic Worldview by Michael Quinn

To understand much of what happened in early Mormonism, you must understand the role that folk magic played in the lives of Americans in the 1800s. Quinn's research at this time was top notch, and he was a quickly rising star among Mormon historians. Considered one of his best works, and foundational to the understanding things like seer stones, divining rods, visions, and everything else that happened in the early church days.

David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism by Greg Prince

Covers late 1940s - 1960s Mormonism, one of the "rising moments" of Mormonism when we went from a Utah-church to a worldwide church. Prince had amazing access to the journals of President McKay's secretary, which led to some candid discussions about things like the publishing of Mormon Doctrine by McConkie, blacks and the priesthood, ecumenical outreach, and politics.

Spencer W. Kimball by Edward Kimball / Lengthen Your Stride: The Presidency of Spencer W. Kimball by Edward Kimball

Ed was Pres. Kimball's son, and the books cover both the apostle years and presidency years of Spencer W. Kimball. If you had to choose one, get Lengthen Your Stride, but make sure it has the CD that comes with the book. This has the unabridged manuscript prior to the Deseret Book edits, which is much more interesting.

By the Hand of Mormon by Terryl Givens (heck...anything by Terryl Givens!)

I'll admit - I'm a Terryl Givens fanboy. By the Hand of Mormon was the one that first got me in to him, mostly because he took the Book of Mormon as a serious work of literature to examine it's merits. It's not as devotional as many traditional LDS books about the Book of Mormon (it was put out by Oxford University Press), but it really gave me a deeper appreciation for the Book of Mormon as contemporary literature. Also check out Viper on the Hearth (Mormons on myth and heresy), People of Paradox (Mormon culture), When Souls had Wings (the pre-existence in Western thought), and so many others.

And just because I'm a big book nerd, here's the list of books that are on my desk right now that I can give you quick reviews if you want:

• Leonard Arrington and the Writing of Mormon History by Greg Prince
  
• The Mormon Jesus: A Biography by John Turner
  
• Mormon Feminism: Essential Writings, edited by Brooks, Steenblik and Wheelwright
  
• Religion of a Different Color: Race and the Mormon Struggle for Whiteness by W. Paul Reeve
  
• Pedestals and Podiums: Utah Women, Religious Authority and Equal Rights by Martha Sonntag Bradley
  
• A Reason for Faith: Navigating LDS Doctrine & Church History, edited by Laura Harris Hales
  
• Glorious in Persecution: Joseph Smith, American Prophet 1839-1844 by Martha Bradley Evans
  
• The Mormon Church & Blacks: A Documentary History, edited by Harris & Bringhurst
  
• From the Outside Looking In: Essays on Mormon History, Theology and Culture, edited by Neilson & Grow
  
• Out of Obscurity: Mormonism since 1945, edited by Mason & Turner
  
• Mormonism & American Politics, edited by Balmer & Riess
  
• Seeking the Promised Land: Mormons and American Politics by Campbell, Green & Monson
  
• A Book of Mormons: Latter-day Saints on a Modern-Day Zion, edited by Jensen & McKay-Lamb
  
• Revelations in Context: The Stories Behind the Sections of the Doctrine & Covenants by the LDS Church
  
• Natural Born Seer: Joseph Smith, American Prophet, 1805-1830 by Richard S. Van Wagoner
  
• Revelatory Events: Three Case Studies of the Emergence of New Spiritual Paths by Ann Taves (looking at Mormonism, Alcoholics Anonymous and A Course in Miracles)
  
• A House Full of Females: Plural Marriage and Women's Rights in Early Mormonism, 1835-1870 by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
  
• Baring Witness: 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex, and Marriage edited by Holly Welker

Hi, me again! I'm going to recommend four very different resources for this! Other than the first one, it's no particular order.

First, Pastrix by Nadia Bolz-Weber. Nadia is a Lutheran pastor in the ELCA who runs a somewhat "experimental" church in the Denver area. She's fairly unconventional as a pastor (the book opens with "Shit!"), but I think she presents a really solid exposition of what it means to be Lutheran regardless of your political orientation. There's a pastor here who subs at my church periodically who was Nadia's intern for a bit.

Second, The Oxford Illustrated History of the Reformation is probably the best intro-level history overview that exists on the subject. It's not just limited to Lutherans, of course, since we weren't the entire Reformation, but he goes into great detail. If you prefer your history in spoken form, the "Great Courses" lectures on Luther are also fantastic.

Third, Christopraxis by Andrew Root is a fantastic overview of what it means to live according to Luther's "theology of the cross", especially if you're suffering or know people who are suffering. The book is "practical theology", meaning that it doesn't get bogged down with definitions. Root is a professor at Luther Seminary in Minnesota.

Fourth, the ELCA social statements which are available in full online. These are the ELCA's "position statements" on things like human sexuality, abortion, peace, and other topics that are important in our society. These documents come out of the general assemblies of the ELCA, which are churchwide meetings every three years. Obviously, people disagree on putting these things into practice. As such, they're more intended as frameworks of thought, ways to make thoughtful decisions about these topics, and not so much dogma about the topics themselves.

I'm not female, but I have more romantic sensibilities. I would advise to fight sin it as sin in any other way. I mean, realizing the potential devastating consequencs it has and how the human heart turns all "small" sins into larger idols. It's easier to fight now than it ever will be, so arm yourself. I don't intend this to be a "just stop" comment, but at the same time, I feel it worth encouraging you to fight, knowing you have no guilt in Christ and He (and what He has ordained for your marriage) is better than anything else.

A couple of resources that have helped me:

1. The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. The Purtians are so practical when it comes to godly living. I've found this a helpful book that has rooted out patterns in my life that I didn't even know were there. It helps me to be so mindful of "discontent" in my life - a word that implies much more than we realize. For that matter, pair it up with the Valley of Vision, because those prayers are so good at orienting the heart toward God.
   
2. The Voice of the Heart. The main point here is this: we are embodied and therefore emotional beings. We in the intellectually rich Reformed tradition (and i'ts children) try to rationally fight everything. But in reality, you need the power of the Spirit, a healthy body, mental stability, AND good rational thinking - you are all of those things. This is a helpful resource for emotions, which we as Christians need a better toolbelt for dealing with. This book's main point is that emotions are an expression of the heart and we don't always know what they mean. Exploring and discovering the hearts many root realities that express themselves as or give rise to emotions is the step we must take before we can apply God's truth and really fight sin or find healing effectively.
   
   Note on that final thought: there are three negative realities we have. They are sin, wounds, and weaknesses. You repent of sin, but you don't repent of a wound. You seek healing for wounds, but you don't need "healing", strictly speaking, for sin. And you strengthen your weaknesses, but you don't need more strength to overcome a wound. The point here is that there is a God given way of addressing each of these realities and confusing them can be dangerous. For instance, someone repenting of a wound probably has issues with viewing themselves in light of God's love and the gospel - and is probably feeding that in the process.
   
   Counseling or talking with a good friend about why you are drawn to another will help uncover some root causes. And only then will you have enough clarity to fight or find healing in a positive way.
   
   Hope this helps.

Holy shit. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You are a good person and didn't deserve any of that.

I'll echo what's been mentioned in some other responses; therapy would probably be really helpful for you. Not because you're "broken," because you're not, but because you've been traumatized, badly, by terrible people. Therapy will help you understand why their manipulation and lies have worked in the past, and will give you the tools to start disassembling the influence they had on you and start assembling your own life. It'll equip you with skills to begin healing the damage you never deserved to suffer.

Fancy-pants therapists cost a lot of money, but social workers can often connect you to a therapist who's willing to work cheap or free, or do some therapy work with you themselves. In the meantime if you can scrape up about $25 I suggest you get a copy of Mind Over Mood (or hit the local library and start working through their copy), which is a book that teaches the tools a good therapist would. Leaving The Fold is another book that will help you inventory what you've been through and what the road map of issues to deal with will look like.

It will be daunting. You got thrown in a pit and then had garbage dumped on you, which wasn't fair, and now you have to be the one to dig yourself out of the pit, which isn't fair either. But you can do it. It's not easy or fast, but it's doable. The biggest challenge you're probably going to face, I think, is a voice in your head that tells you to quit or not start because you don't need or deserve to heal. That what you deserve is to suffer, not smile.

So what I'd like to suggest is that you say, out loud, "I deserve to heal." It will be hard to do. And if you're anything like I was, you won't believe it the first time you say it. That's fine. Just say it. And tomorrow, say it again. Replace your old habit of praying with just saying "I deserve to heal." Say it before meals, say it when you go to bed, say it when you sort of instinctively clutch for God. "I deserve to heal." It will help remind you that you want to heal and that you don't want to quit.

I hope your life gets better. I think you're a good person and deserve to be happy. I know you're capable of amazing things, including healing from what you experienced. I believe in you.

In regards to your wife's questioning of TSCC and possible loss of faith, there are many resources online about exiting from cults and other controlling environments. There are books available which help you navigate these processes so you know what you're feeling is normal and expected. Here are some books which I purchased but have not read, yet. I felt they came well recommended.

• Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winnell
  
  
• Exit Strategy: A Guide to Leaving Mormonism with your Dignity and Integrity Intact by Micah McAllister
  
  If she is not interested in reading them, you might just to coach her along in a passive way.
  
  Also, you mentioned her receiving one-on-one counseling sessions for your relationship. In losing my own testimony, I did find a competent therapist I visited once in awhile to discuss what was going on. I felt the counseling very helpful and probably assisted me in transitioning out much more quickly.
  
  Best of luck to ya.

Congratulations! Fatherhood is incredibly sanctifying. Beeke has already been mentioned, but I can make a few other recommendations that are broadly reformed. Don Whitney's Family Worship is worth reading for its encouragement more than anything. I'd also recommend Paul Tripp's Parenting as it centralizes the gospel in parenting. There's also Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. You might also enjoy some of the blog posts on parenting at CCEF. Finally, a number of good resources are available down the road for catachesis if you plan to do anything like that, but for now enjoy these early days.

Definitely Brian Croft's Practical Shepherding Series, as a start. I know that, looking at that series, you'll think "Gospel-Centered Funerals?! I'm gonna be a youth pastor!" Trust me, it happens and you need to know how to do a funeral well. All of those books are easy-to-read and jam-packed with helpful information.

Another good one is The New Pastor's Handbook. Its primary audience is senior pastors, but I got a copy for my friend who just became a youth pastor and he said he read it profitably.

Edit: One more, Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling. If you have the whole Bible memorized with references, feel free to skip this one. Otherwise, it's a gem to have on your desk.

Oh god yes. I confessed all the time. I went on my mission without a whole lot of conviction but during it did my best to obey so I could be worthy of the spirit and a testimony. Boy, was this a perfect recipe for psychological distress. I constantly wondered whether my thoughts were prompting from the spirit or not and I always wondered why I wasn't getting the testimony and burning conviction I'd been promised. "Well, better step it up," I'd think. Probably because I spent 45 minutes instead of 30 minutes writing email. Probably because I thought sexual thoughts. Probably because I had Josh Groban on my iPod. And later, probably because I have an iPod. I kept stepping it up. I wanted so bad to be worthy of god's prompting and dod everything I could to merit it. When I didn't measure up to these unrealistically high expectations, I would step it up. I was ALWAYS confessing and whenever I felt a huge wave of relief, I would think it was the spirit. Nope. Just OCD. I would "sin" like maybe seeing something scandalous on late-nite TV that was sexually arousing. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, true contrition. So I took seriously D&C " 42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
43 By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." So I would confess in order to create embarrassment, shame and guilt so that I could feel godly sorry and truly repent of my seems because after all "...our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence." (Alma 12:14)

OCD/Scrupulosity can be a real bitch but it is possible to overcome.of this, I testify (without hesitation). : ) It will take work. Expect to do a lot of reading. In addition to these books below, I recommend finding a therapist.

Learning about mindfulness really helped. I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic-ebook/dp/B005NJ2T1G.

I also recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787.

This: http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831

This: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

And this one:http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

That Mormon Stories podcast really helped me. I think there's a few of them. It put a name to something I'd just thought was normal. I just remember thinking "That's me!" If only someone had had the wherewithal to say "Young man, all this confessing isn't ok. Let's get you some help." I was consumed by guilt and shame all the time, never measuring up. So I'd step it up. The idea of "worthiness" was incredibly harmful to me. We are all worthy of love, of respect, and acceptance.

I also struggled with assertiveness so for what it's worth here's a discussion and some book recommendations and a discussion from last week.

Recovery is possible. I have completely gotten over all that guilt. I learned o get over that nagging guilty feeling or even that feeling like "oh shit! I left the stove on". I've had so many of those. But now I don't. I just started ignoring them. "Fuck it. Let my house burn down." What I once thought was the spirit, I now know was just my brain. Now I don't feel that. My brain has rewires so that those feelings don't come up anymore. And now I have done everything I always feared and "far worse"--I've had sex outside marriage (I was never married) and so broke my "covenants" from the temple, I've smoked weed, drank (though I don't anymore). No guilt, no shame. I'm not saying you need to do those things to get better, I'm just saying that if you'd known me a decade ago, you'd have not believed I would have ever done anything so "wicked".

My point is there's nothing objective about that guilt and shame we felt. It's only because it was instilled in us from an early age. It's a learned response and can be unlearned. We just took the Church and its truth claims and hell and punishment seriously.

Best to you. Feel free to PM me any time. Know that there's hope.

First off, welcome! I'm glad you're here. But I'm sorry for what you're going through right now, and for the loss of your parent. What a hard situation. I'm not exactly sure what to say for each of your three points (except I totally agree with you on the 3rd - those thoughts pop into my head too). But I just suggested these two books for someone else on here, and I'm going to recommend them to you too. They were both helpful to me in sorting out what I was feeling, and why. Good luck!

• [Leaving the Fold] (http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464644226&sr=8-1&keywords=leaving+the+fold), by Marlene Winell.
  
  
• [Recovering Agency] (http://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464644338&sr=8-1&keywords=recovering+agency), by Luna Lindsey.

Well I can't say that your post was charitable in anyway but I will respond.

> You're making blatant generalizations.

then

> I am afraid that you may not know what you are talking about.

Guess that makes two of us?

I have no doubt that many people have benefited from faith based counseling, but many people have also benefited from secular counseling as well. I praise the Lord for how he has work in your life, and in your parent's marriage.

What does faith-based mean when it comes to counseling exactly? You will get many answers, per this book. What I am proposing is that the Bible sufficiently speaks on the issues of humanity and the brokenness, pain, sin, etc. that we all will face. I do not believe that we additionally need practices such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Psychotherapy, "Emotional Support Dogs" (i love my dog), and other things in order to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord.

​

Really enjoying the book Leaving the Fold right now. It helps realize more clearly the negative impact religion may have had on you and helps normalize what you are feeling. There are also optional exercises at the end of each chapter to process the material.

Then there is the Recovering from Religion website with articles for different topics. A live chat as well with someone who can help point you to resources & see if there is a anonymous support group in your area.

Marlene Winell, the clinical psychologist who developed the idea of Religious Trauma Syndrome, wrote a great book called "Leaving the Fold." It focuses on the emotional impact of leaving your faith, and it has a number of excellent insights into the psychological effects of being raised religious. It also has psychological exercises for recovering from various aspects of religious indoctrination. I found it very helpful at the beginning of my deconversion. Highly recommended.

Leaving the Fold
~ Marlene, Winel

My ex left the church of her father (a minister) and she recommended that I read this to understand the repercussions of her leaving her family's faith. Perhaps 'Leaving the Fold' will help you understand what challenges lie ahead.


Product Description From Amazon

This book by psychologist Marlene Winell provides valuable insights into the dangers of religious indoctrination and outlines what therapists and victims can do to reclaim a healthier human spirit.... Both former believers searching for a new beginning and those just starting to subject their faith to the requirements of simple common sense, if not analytical reason, may find valuable assistance in these pages. -
Steve Allen, author and entertainer

http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261167841&sr=8-1

I'm not sure what books are suitable for Christians improving their own mental health.

At one time, I was interested in becoming a Christian counselor. Two of the popular books in that field are "Christian Counseling" by Gary Collins, and "Effective Biblical Counseling" by Larry Crabb. Your own pastor might have copies of those books or know where to get them. Some of the chapters in those books may address the topics that interest you.

On the subject of integrating psychology with spirituality, these two books on Amazon look interesting (but I haven't read them myself, so I can't vouch for their contents):

• "Psychology, Theology and Spirituality in Christian Counseling"
  
  
• "Psychology & Christianity: Five Views"
  
  

Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back https://www.amazon.com/dp/1601425368/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3IeRDbFTTEHP3

I'm sorry for all that happened. Break ups are messy and confusing. It's important to think long term here. What memories do you want to look back on? A respectful relationship between the two of you that you moved away from (as painful as it may have been) or a toxic cycle that you clung onto desperately? Keep that in mind as you make your decisions and God will continue to guide you. While it may seem unlikely right now, you will be able to move on, and God will heal your heart! (http://www.hopeforyourheart.org/can-god-heal-broken-heart/) You deserve to be around those that respect your physical boundaries as well as your spiritual beliefs.

If you're interested, here's a book on sexual purity if you want to pursue an understanding on it:
http://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Integrity-June-Hunt-Heart-ebook/dp/B00DD69M9S

There's one called Leaving the Fold that I haven't read yet but am interested in reading myself. Looks to have good reviews and seems appropriate for my own situation, may also be helpful for yours.

Edit: formatting

Charles Taylor has no credibility on this topic and here's why:

• Some of Charles Taylor's published books:
  
  • A Catholic Modernity? 1999 Charles Taylor
    
    • A Plea in favor of Theism in modern society, according to Taylor's own religious convictions.
      
  • Varieties of Religion Today, 2002 Charles Taylor
    
    • A remarkable and penetrating view of the relation between religion and social order and, ultimately, of what "religion" means.
      
  • The Skilled Pastor: Counseling as the Practice of Theology, 1991 Charles Taylor
    
    • A splendid volume detailing the specific skills necessary for sound pastoral guidance in various situations. The author integrates theological reflection with practice, while incorporating religious resources with counseling technique.
      
  • The Malaise of Modernity, 2003 Charles Taylor
    
    • Individualism and free choice have led to self-defined "flattened" individuals who lack self-fulfillment, Taylor suggest a return to community involvement (including religion) to help modern people find fulfillment.
      
  • Modern Social Imaginaries, 2003 Charles Taylor
    
    • A series of stories that turns into a philosophical discussion that demonstrate that the foundation of the modern social imaginary and all modernities are rooted in the disenchantment with religion and the saints and the miracles.
      
• $1.5 million Templeton Prize
  
  • The Templeton Prize is an annual award granted to a living person who, in the estimation of the judges, "has made an exceptional contribution to affirming life's spiritual dimension, whether through insight, discovery, or practical works". The John Templeton Foundation promotes the intersection of religion and Science (intelligent design) and promotes free market ideas. (Right wing think tank).
    
    Charles Taylor is a giant of the world of philosophy but he has one single problem, as a practicing Catholic he is incapable of imagining a world devoid of religious belief, he affirms that "community living" brings self-fulfillment and insists that religious beliefs serves an important purpose in making people happy and fulfilled.
    
    Taylor sees society as a collection of communities living one inside the other, the Canadian Community containing the other communities like Russian dolls nested inside one another.
    
    Finally, Taylor is blind to the fact that religious sectarianism destroys his candid view of religion and society.
    
    His own religious beliefs blind him to reality, he imagines all religious people being exactly as he is.

[WLC 143-145]

[1 Cor 13:7] and [James 3:14-16] and [James 4:11-12] tell us to believe the best about people. Be gracious in our evaluations and judgments of them.

Lastly - Ken Sande is great on this kind of stuff. http://peacemaker.net/project/charitable-judgments-an-antidote-to-judging-others/ - if you appreciate that post, you should pick up the book: The Peacemaker if you don't already have it. It's not just about resolving conflict, but also changing the way we think about others to be more charitable before any conflict ever happens.

/u/versebot

Two experts come to mind:

Dr. Marlene Winell specializes in what she calls Religious Trauma Syndrome and wrote the book Leaving the Fold about recovering psychologically from fundamentalism. I also like her articles on the website Journey Free.

Dr. Valerie Tarico is great, too. Loved her book Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light.

Both are former evangelicals but get pretty deep into analyzing the effects of their learned patterns; their work is well-researched and insightful, perhaps more on the social sciences side than what you were asking for.

Thanks for this... will definitely check out more.

I have been reading this book... it is geared more to conservative evangelicals but I think there is much overlap... Of course it doesn't get into the details of the JW org, though. https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492974859&sr=8-1&keywords=leaving+the+fold

1. It means being recognized and affirmed to the work and to be supported and have fellowship with others doing the same thing.
   
2. Do tasks in and around the church. Visit people in the hospital. Call/visit people. I also lead a group.
   
3. Most of them are older folks who have been in the church for a long time, though we've recently brought in some folks in the early 30s to mid 40s. I'd say most of our deacons are 60+.
   
4. Knowing what you ought to do and not being able to do it--that is sometimes we know we need to care for X more but given that I have a job, small kids, etc... it can be hard.
   
5. Building relationships with people that you might not normally associate with in the church.
   
6. James 1:27
   
7. We meet with Elders regularly and the deacons meet once a month.
   
8. Not sure about that.
   
9. We were given copies of The Peacemaker when we became deacons. But really I've found a healthy look into the workings of the Holy Spirit to be something that is essential to life and ministry.
   
10. I filled out a long "application" and then met with the Deacons for an hour.
    
11. I went a few times to the hospital with our Pastor and for our ministry to widows we work in teams.

I don't know of any AA type groups, but I know there are meet up groups in various places, especially Utah.

Also, the psychologist who coined the term Religious Trauma Syndrome came up with this workbook to help people with the transition: Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_rQ5HDbTQVQ4X2

I'm considering giving it a shot. Maybe it could help you?

A book that helped me a lot was “Leaving the Fold”

Good luck on your journey!

Leaving the Fold

Leaving the Fold: Testimonies of Former Fundamentalists

Losing Faith in Faith: From Preacher to Atheist

Why I Am Not a Muslim

Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships

In Search of the Light: The Adventures of a Parapsychologist

Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back

If you like the linked article, consider this book which I have found extremely helpful.

Five Views of Psychology and Christianity is a great resource to have. It comes from a series called "Spectrum" which has multiple authors forward a position, and the other authors will respond. They take turns discussing their position, and then replying to other positions.

http://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Christianity-Five-Views-Spectrum/dp/0830828486/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404257452&sr=8-1&keywords=five+views+of+psycology+and+christianity

What worked for me in overcoming panic attacks and anxiety was working through this book. It's written by a professional counselor and has lots of really solid biblical guidance for trusting in God and experiencing peace. I highly recommend it.

https://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fear-Thoughts-Perspective-ebook/dp/B07GRK4SXR/

Too many to choose from, but briefly:

The Peacemaker by Ken Sande

Repentance by John Miller

The Mortification of Sin by John Owen

The Book of Romans by John Murray

Jesus on Every Page by David Murray

Paul: An Outline of His Theology by Herman Ridderbos

Redemption Accomplished and Applied by John Murray

Collected Writings...4 Volumes by John Murray

The Shepherd Leader by Timothy Witmer

I am also partial to most things by Sinclair Ferguson and Richard Gaffin.

There is another way. That way says that God loves His creation so much that He cannot prevent evil done by humanity. Some forms of this are called open theism. I will recommend the following book that may help you understand this idea. Calvinists will claim that evil is a direct result of God's wishes. Others reject this understanding of God.


God Can't: How to Believe in God and Love after Tragedy, Abuse, and Other Evils https://www.amazon.com/dp/1948609126/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_Gj6ODbSPH31R7

It seems Jung matured in his understanding over time. It might be interesting to take a look at this book

>Jung, Jungians and Homosexuality by Robert Hopcke. He's a gay jungian psychotherapist in San Francisco.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1579108636/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_JFtKDb7GFAJHT

This book helped me to clear out my head after a fundamentalist Baptist upbringing.

Yeah. I get terrified of how people use religion to knock other people down. Have you ever read the book "Leaving the Fold?" I also grew up in a church like that, and this book helped me deal with a lot of that stuff.

Link, in case you're interested: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

I think it would be helpful for you to find a support group for LGBT+ people of faith. My tradition doesn't teach a literal hell, so I don't have a lot of advice for you on that part, but I do think that the needs of LGBT+ religious folk are very different from secular folk, and that it is a niche where special resources are necessary.

A book that can be helpful for people leaving a fundamentalist background is Leaving the Fold which addresses the issue of how automatic thoughts like "I'm going to hell" can lead to depression and trauma symptoms.

There's also https://www.reddit.com/r/GayChristians/ but I have no idea what the community dynamic there is like.

https://www.amazon.com/Jung-Jungians-Homosexuality-Robert-Hopcke/dp/1579108636

This is an excellent book on the topic. There’s also a long paper by the same author. I don’t think they book is online, but the paper can be gotten through scihub. PM me if you can’t find it

I respectfully disagree that this isn't a historical question, although whether this question falls in line with this sub-reddit's 20 years rule is another matter. I also think this type of question is a lot more relevant today than some question about, using a popular question from yesterday as an example, the origin of abbreviations for president's names. After all, history is completely useless unless it clarifies the present. The historical memory of events and people are a huge field within the academic historical community, and there's a lot of truly excellent stuff out there. For example, these books on the American memory of Pearl Harbor, or the Civil War, or the Oklahoma City Bombing are highly influential books. If these types of questions can be discussed--quite well--by academic historians, why not us? I, for one, am really interested in this question. Anyway, I imagine this question will be put up for deletion, but this is my attempt at arguing why we should keep it.

Edit: The deletion below is mine. I accidentally double-posted.

I don't have panic attacks and anxiety now, but I did when I was losing my faith. I coped by talking with an old youth group pal who was also losing his faith, lurking on atheist / ex-Christian forums, and going through a book called Leaving the Fold, all of which really helped me.

I don't know about doctrine other than 'only' between husband and wife.

There's this book (I'm not necessarily recommending it--just aware of it):
http://www.amazon.com/Between-Husband-Wife-Perspectives-Intimacy/dp/1577346092

I'm not sure about in Australia, but you can check out these resources:

http://recoveringfromreligion.org/

http://journeyfree.org/

http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

My wife and I are reconciling, and though we are only about 7 months past DDay, it's success so far. My wife and I both cheated, you can look at my post history to see details (I really need to write a full update).

I see from your post history that he may have some porn issues as well? Have you two talked about this in therapy? My wife helped me to see that I had a severe sexual addiction which I'm in recovery for now. I would really really sugguest that you get your guy a copy of Worthy of Her Trust (no affiliate link there)

It's really helped me to see things in a new light. I'm not saying he has an addiction, only he could say if his behaviors are compulsive and affecting the rest of his life. But this book deals alot in how the violation of a wife's trust is at the root of most lapses in sexual integrity whether they are physical cheating or pornography or something else entirely.

As a victim of spiritual abuse, I have found this book valuable.

I've been out for 8 years now and I'm still struggling too, mainly because I have nobody to talk to about it either. There are no meetups near me, no therapists in my area who have ever heard of religious trauma syndrome.
The book Leaving the Fold has some really really good worksheets that helped me process things. https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

Looks like you haven't been indoctrinated into fundamentalist religion then. Maybe you are a part of the indoctrination cycle and this is some defense mechanism. Its not far off. I don't think you understand what a toxic doctrine is or what makes it toxic. For example Jesus teaching that thinking something "sinful" was just as bad as doing it (oh the OCD this creates.)... Heres another one....that you are worthless, damned and evil to the core. Heres another one, Without our belief system, you are going to burn and be tormented forever and ever and ever.(This is very impactful with kids, fear anxiety, coercion to conform). These are what one would call oppressive beliefs. You wouldnt know that if you hadnt actually tried to live them before. The graph and post are not intellectually dishonest, or hard to understand.

Children dont really develop strong critical thinking or rational thinking skills strong enough to withstand or fend off religious pressure until about the ages of 15-20. 86% of converts to christianity do so before the age of 14(children). 96% before age 30. Indoctrination is about pounding these ideas, beliefs, dogmas, etc.. into a child's head as effortlessly as possible; the child trusts and cannot mount an arguement against it. The child also wants to please the parents because it depends on them for survival.

Faith is actually the inverse of critical thinking. In a sense, it is backwardness. Critical thinking is about evidence based truth. Faith is about belief without or in spite of the evidence. Many philosophers have recognized that religion suppresses critical thought. Dogma, fear, isolation.. well all the factors she listed basically play into this. How many well adjusted critically thinking people have you met that were raised in strict fundementalist households? The proof is in the pudding.

She has a book called leaving the fold on amazon. You can read the reviews, there are basically like testimonials on damage healing from people who have bought and read the book. Its rated 4.5/5 stars. http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/product-reviews/1933993235/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Instead of spending time and energy that I don't really have to answer what I could fill a book with, I'll drop some relevant quotes from Dr. Marlene Winell's book "Leaving the Fold", which I highly encourage you to read. Warning, I'm about to drop a lot of text to read. Read it in chunks if you have to. But if you really do want to understand, please read it all, even if you have to take breaks.

Disclaimer: the author uses the terms Christianity, conservative Christianity, and fundamentalism interchangeably even though she is aware that they are not synonyms. I have only selected quotes that are generally true of almost all branches of Western Christianity (Eastern Orthodoxy is a whole different animal). I have editorialised all instances to read "Christianity" for readabilities sake.

>In Christianity you are told you are unacceptable. You are judged with regard to your relationship to God. Thus you can only be loved positionally, not essentially. And, contrary to any assumed ideal of Christian love, you cannot love others for their essence either. This is the horrible cost of the doctrine of original sin. Recovering from this unloving assumption is perhaps the core task when you leave the fold. It is also a discovery of great joy—to permit unconditional love for yourself and others.

​

>Another devastating assumption of Christianity is that you are helpless and hopeless without the salvation formula. Within that belief system, the only capabilities you could hope to have have been outside of yourself. All the strength, wisdom, and love considered worth anything were to be channeled through you from God. Consequently, you may now feel like an empty shell, without any core, and you may still have a residual tendency to look outside yourself for security and satisfaction.

​

>The notion of personal responsibility in Christianity is a curious one. You are responsible for your sins, but you cannot take credit for the good things that you do. Any good that you do must be attributed to God working through you. Yet you must try to be Christ-like. When you fail, it is your fault for not “letting the power of God work in you.” This is an effective double bind of responsibility without ability.

​

>Christians are also made to feel guilty when they focus on their own priorities. It is seen as wrong and sinful to be aware of your feelings, honor your intuitions, or seek to meet you needs. You should be above this kind of selfishness and consider God first and then the group. But, since people naturally have needs and feelings, sincere Christians who want to avoid guilt must, in essence, annihilate themselves. This makes for more cooperative adherents.

​

>The pattern of indulgence and then remorse illustrated by [the Christian] compares to the behavior of an alcoholic or otherwise addicted individual. The religious addict is attached to the benefits of religion—the sense of righteousness, the social approval, and the emotional comfort—and yet is tempted to explore the forbidden. Because of pressure to stay on the straight and narrow path, decisions to deviate are made impulsively. Then the fear of consequences sets in and the cycle continues with shame and confession. The individual is thus trying to live two lives, engaging in the psychological pattern of “splitting.” Physical symptoms such as backaches, headaches, and sleeplessness can result.

​

>However, the adult child of the religious addict lives in this world and he sees another way to live, while at work and on television, in books and magazines or from friends. Occasionally he tries to live in both worlds, enjoying the worldliness of work and friendships, but also returning to the “righteousness” of home. This conflict leads to confusion, self-loathing and an eventual loss of control. Isolation, physical and mental breakdowns, drug abuse, eating disorders, sexual acting-out and violent outbursts of anger could arise—always followed by guilt, shame, and fear of God’s Judgment.

​

>The key is that you are considered fundamentally wrong and inept, beginning with the doctrine of original sin. Everything about you is flawed, and you desperately need to be salvaged by God. The damage to self is more than hurt self-esteem. Your confidence in your own judgment is destroyed. As an empty shell, you are then open and vulnerable to indoctrination because you cannot trust your own thinking. Your thoughts are inadequate, your feelings are irrelevant or misleading, and your basic drives are selfish and destructive. You cannot challenge the religious system because your critical abilities are discredited and your intuitions rendered worthless. Illustrating the dependence that is fostered, Jerry Falwell (1982) said, “Start your day off by ridding yourself of self-reliance.”

​

>Once you are a believer and no longer have your own mind to rely on, it becomes possible to accept everything you are taught. You can accommodate incredible problems in the religion because you need to avoid cognitive dissonance, as discussed earlier. The stretching of credulity in fundamentalist Christianity is a frequent occurrence. Followers are expected to believe contradictory, nonsensical, and offensive “true stories” in the Bible and church teachings. This serves to strengthen blind adherence because your intuitive reactions have been annihilated.

​

>These expectations for personal change and meaningful community are critical for many. Thus when they are not fulfilled, or not satisfied completely, doubt sets in about the system. This issue is far from straight forward, however. Because the individual self is so denigrated in Christian doctrine, failure to experience the benefits of Christian living is usually blamed on the individual. “You weren’t doing something right. You need to pray more,” they say. “Seek the Lord, He is teaching you something. Humble yourself.” This causes sincere believers to keep trying for many years, frustrated but self-blaming. Since many other Christians maintain a positive façade, it can seem as though others are succeeding. Believers go through tortuous cycles of guilt and repentance, trying to get it right. Church attendance and Bible reading can become compulsive as an effort to fend off doubt. Moments of joy and happiness do occur, but you wonder why good feelings cannot be sustained. Many a Bible study is about how to live a more “victorious life.”

​

>It [Christianity] also made me less able to love people, rather than more. I was supposed to be full of this love from God, which would make it easier to see people for what they really were, but I didn’t find that to be the case. I was so full of moral distinctions, and I was so anxious to say what I thought was true and to set myself apart and to say I’m a Christian and I think this and that and this is why. I found myself increasingly moralistic and harsh. I found it harder and harder to be friendly, and I became more and more socially isolated, which was just the opposite from what I had imagined.

I know that's a lot to read, but I hope you seriously read over these quotes. They're just a tip of the iceberg for me, and I could say quite a lot in my own words if I had the time or desire.