Reddit mentions of Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples

Some explanation for what's going on: the rectum is the last stop for waste on its way out your backdoor. It's normally clear except for right before a bowel movement, when feces starts to make its way there from your colon. What's great about the rectum is that pressure on its walls triggers what's called your "rectal reflex", which is what lets you know that you need to go to the bathroom. It's a wonderful feature that most of us take for granted on a daily basis.

The unpleasantness you described is likely mostly a result of a manual triggering of that reflex. Your body is used to interpreting the presence of solids there as a need to defecate, which is why putting an entire dildo in there can cause your body to freak out and tell you in no uncertain terms that you really need to defecate like, right now.

Here's the good news: now that you're aware of how your body's working, you can work to retrain your body to reinterpret those sensations. Right now your body doesn't know the difference between sexual practice and digestive output because all its ever had experience with is the latter. The more you experiment with insertion into the rectum, the more your body's going to become used to that situation.

Furthermore, a lot of it is mental. The triggering is reflexive, but you can help cognitively guide your own response to it, with the main goal you want being comfort. When you're experimenting and you trigger the reflex, stop, wait, breathe, and tell yourself in your head that you don't need to take a shit, that you already went before trying this, and that you already know what's in your rectum because you just put it there. Don't rush anything, don't force anything, just go slowly and acknowledge your feelings. You're not fighting your body, you're working with it to experience something new.

If the rectal reflex is particularly persistent or visceral for you, you might try laying down a bunch of towels on your bed or even trying insertion over the toilet, where you can trigger it without worrying that you'll make a huge mess. You might also want to try to respond to the rectal reflex a couple of times by attempting to defecate after it's triggered (again, without forcing anything). You'll find that you won't need to go, as your body was basically giving you an incorrect conclusion based on a false premise. Of course, it should also go without saying that you shouldn't really ever do any sort of anal insertion if you actually DO need to defecate. Get that out of the way beforehand.

Anyway, after repeated practice, you should find that your body is able to differentiate between fun and function. You won't lose the reflex (i.e. you're not going to suddenly find yourself defecating with no foreknowledge), you and your body will just have a more informed opinion on when that "get to the toilet" response is the right one, and will act in kind.

Now, with all of that said, I should probably qualify that I'm not a doctor, but I did read a book by one once. Anal Pleasure and Health is a 200+ page tome that's basically the sex-ed guide for bottoms that high school never gave you. It's remarkably insightful, and I would recommend it to any person of any orientation who's at all interested in any form of anal play. There are a lot of misconceptions out there (e.g. that some amount of pain is necessary), especially in the gay community, and this book does a wonderful job of addressing them in an informed and relatable way.

{warning, graphic sexual description}

buy a vibrator. the way it seems for me, is that my body thinks my dick is a clitoris. the easiest and best way to cum, is to tuck, and then use the vibrator near the head, through underwear.
this can take a while to get used to, but once i got used to it, i found myself able to cum multiple times. it's super rad.

i recommend this thing.

EDIT: also, yeah, prostate simulation is also rad. vibrator and anal is like, the best thing i've ever experience. i recommend buying or downloading this book, if you're inexperienced. or, even if you are, to be honest.

EDIT 2: but the biggest thing is just to be patient and explore and experiment with your body on your own time. when you were going thru puberty the first time, you didn't automatically know what you liked. you learned over years. so don't worry too much. even if it takes you longer than you want, you'll figure it out. :)

Yay! Two books I can wholeheartedly recommend keeping on the coffee table are this one and this. (NSFW). The first one in particular is actually very good. I'm sure scuttlebutt would be delighted to see that you take your health so seriously. 😋

While parent was probably joking, in a way it's the right recommendation. The anal sphincter is a muscle, and it reacts well to gentle stretching. The best treatment for hemorrhoids is regular anal stretching, using either your fingers or a butt plug.

Source: this helpful book

I'm not gay or a male, but this book is quite excellent for beginners.

http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278452156&sr=8-1

I second the silicone lube and don't know why you got downvoted. But I kind of agree that going to a doctor may not help all that much. There isn't really any treatment for hemorrhoids unless they are severe enough to need surgery, except for increasing fiber intake (taking a fiber supplement with psyllium and/or methylcellulose, not just eating more veggies) and analgesic topical creams and sitz baths for symptoms of pain/itching. Oh yah, I'm a doctor (a new one, though, and not a gastrointestinal specialist, so it's conceivable I don't know everything:). I think it would depend on the particular doctor's cultural orientation as to whether s/he would advise against anal sex.
Maybe you could buy that book "Anal Pleasure and Health"
http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280327194&sr=8-1

I haven't read it, but I've heard of it, it gets good reviews, and has medical info as well as being pro-anal-sex.

Maybe it needs a rest? Check out http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377

We were fools... We'd no idea what we were actually asking for in our struggle for justice. We were all reading the likes of Kwame Ture when we should have been reading Jack Morin.

This isn't true if you make a pledge not to allow pain, the Anal lining is quite flexible and not easily torn.

Hemorrhoids are caused by poor circulation, they are actually prevented by safe anal play, as circulation is encouraged along with increased awareness of anal discomfort in day to day life.

Read "Anal Pleasure and Health" (link stolen from Kirsten's comment above)

May I recommend this book to you?

I highly recommend the book Anal Pleasure and Health http://amzn.com/0940208377

If you're not in a hurry and would really like to understand all the goodness the anus offers, read this: http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377 - bonus; it also can improve your digestive system's health (reading and applying it, that is).

google dan savage's columns. Numerous times he has recommended a specific book written for women who want to have anal sex, that and smoking weed apparently.

edit: Ah this one http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377

http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2011/02/22/savage-love-podcast-episode-227 this comes up as a question

Is it a matter of physical discomfort or of psychological discomfort? Physical discomfort is easy to overcome. Psychological discomfort is much more difficult.

We are taught from early childhood to treat that region of our bodies with disgust. Quite a few people develop a phobia of anal play, especially receptive anal play. Anything going on in that part of their bodies terrifies them. You may have a psychological blockage that is making you unhappy.

Touching yourself there is the first part of overcoming any psychological blockage. Another very good step is to buy and read Anal Pleasure and Health by Dr. Jack Morin. It's a great read that explains much of the psychological as well as the physical side of anal pleasure and health. The book deals with both subjects equally and the two are linked. Getting familiar with that part of your body, both the health and the pleasure side of it, will help overcome the ingrained stigma against anal play.

One more thing: if you are tense, nervous, or feel like you're under a lot of pressure anal can be very unpleasant. We store a lot of stress in that part of our bodies. Gently massaging it can reduce the stress if you are comfortable touching it, but touching that area when you're not comfortable will just magnify the stress and make everything worse. If you feel like you're under a lot of pressure to do anal you're probably not going to enjoy it.

You are correct that it is not the same, but it's not just the prostate. There are lots of nerve endings in that area to be stimulated too. And some women do find it enjoyable. But men and women need to be very relaxed and comfortable with it in order for it to be enjoyable. The natural reaction is to tense up all your muscles when something tries to enter there, often involuntarily. You have to be able to relax those muscles before it can be a comfortable and enjoyable experience. It's best to practice this on your own before bottoming with a partner.

Here's a book (for men and women) that discusses all the "ins and outs" of anal activities (pun intended).

This one