Reddit mentions of Guide to Getting It On: A Book About the Wonders of Sex

Yeah, this became quite the wall of text, it's ok to not attempt it in all one sitting, you won't hurt my feelings.

Advice:

Learning your body: start by getting a hand mirror and prop yourself up on a couple of pillows, bend and spread your knees (have you ever had a gyno exam? There's a reason women are placed in that position and it's not for their comfort, it's to help the doc examine things). Here's an ok diagram of the external anatomy, and an actual picture from the Wikipedia article for "Vulva." You'll see the external or outer labia (labia majora) with a cleft between them and probably some degree of the inner labia sticking out between the cleft. However much inner labia you have sticking out is completely fine and healthy, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Spread the plumper outer labia and the inner labia (labia minora) will be there. Typically they'll be closed together, these are what you wipe between after you pee because the inner labia can hold on to the final bits of urine. And of course, you wipe front to back to avoid bringing bacteria from your anal area to your vagina or urethra. Now pulling an Inception, we're going to go another layer deeper: spread your inner labia. Try using one hand and an upside down "Spock sign" motion to spread the inner labia if you're down to one hand because you're holding the mirror in the other. Here's an example from GoneWild NSFW. I probably could've found a better picture, but I knew there'd be an example there. At the top where your two inner labia meet, is where your clitoris is. Depending on your arousal level at the time, it may be retracted under your clitoral hood. It swells and will stick out more when aroused. Some clits are smaller, some clits are larger, no matter how big or small it is, it's fine and healthy, just like your labia; and again, don't let anybody tell you something's wrong with you because your clit is bigger or smaller than some subjective measure that doesn't actually mean anything. Trace your eyes down and your urethra will be there somewhere, but you can easily miss it. If you come to a larger opening and then the texture of the skin becomes more "skin like", that's fine. The urethral opening can be really hard to find, but that's where you pee from. The larger hole is your vagina (also called the birth canal), with your labia spread, it should probably be open to a slight degree. This is where you insert things like fingers, tampons, penises, sex toys. This is also where the baby comes out of during a vaginal birth. Around the opening is where you may have a hymen to some degree (go to the youtube channel for Laci Greene and look for her hymen video for a much better explanation than I can give right now). Then down past that you get to your anus/asshole, and that's where you poop out of. You can also get sexual pleasure from there too, but let's save that for another day, shall we? So that's the quick and dirty of external female anatomy. Questions, comments, concerns?

Your urges and desires are natural, almost everyone has them to some degree. Try not to panic too much or feel too bad about them, but some days will be easier than others and some tasks/topics/etc will be harder to get through than others. But try to not beat yourself up too much about them, ok?

You've just discovered a way to make yourself feel ridiculously good, try not to get too fixated on it. You don't need to try all the things right now.

There's not really a "wrong" way to explore your body, for the most part. If you're wanting to orgasm and you're trying to by rubbing the back of your hand, I can almost guarantee that you're not going to get there that way. But if it feels good, go for it. Don't worry about what position is "normal" to masturbate in, try on your belly, back, side; left hand or right; grind on your pillow or straddle the nose of a teddy bear. Try different things, but don't get too goal fixated besides learning different things that feel good.

Sex positive: Briefly, the philosphy

Books: If you had to only restrict yourself to one thing, I'd be partial to I Love Female Orgasm, but Betty Dodson would be a close second, but I don't have her book.

I Love Female Orgasm I really like this one, it covers a lot of things, especially for first timers.

Betty Dodson

Guide to Getting It On Very extensive, covers all different things of sex, not really what you're looking for now, but just for future reference too.


InterWebs:

Scarleteen And their article "Is Masturbation ok? (Yep.)" might specifically help you out

Laci Greene Has a lot of good info and good topics. Her energy and editing style is kind of grating to me, but I get through

Sexplanations Dr. Lindsey Doe teaches and is a clinical sexologist.

/r/Sex Faq's Lot of good general information, some of the "First Time" information would be good for you too, probably.

Charlie Glickman Awesome guy

Carol Queen's recommended reading

Podcasts:

Sex is Fun podcasts Very expansive and a lot of "deviant" sexual behaviors talked about, might be more than you're looking for, but also something that might be a good reference for later. But there is a lot of talk about female pleasure and masturbation.

Sex Nerd Sandra And if you still consider yourself religious, here's Sandra's interview with Rev Bev who's got a different take on some of the religious issues. Like citing that the sin of Onan wasn't masturbation but disobeying God by pulling out (Coitus interruptus, not masturbation).

Sex with Emily a lot of information about a wide range of topics, look through it, a lot of talks about female pleasure and sex toys.

Came here to say this! I'd also recommend getting a copy of The Guide To Getting It On to go with your note: "I don't care if this book disappears and I won't tell our folks. Have fun, be safe, and don't snoop anymore!"

As this reply says, it doesn't matter if he used them so long as they're made of materials you can safely clean (silicone, metal, some hard plastics) - if its quicks you out, replace them, otherwise don't dwell on it.

Good luck!

I would recommend The Guide to Getting it On. It is extremely sex positive, and also can answer almost any question you might have... and then some that you didn't even know to ask. It was required reading for a college course I took on human sexuality and I credit that course with my positive views on sex. A few sorority sisters were in the class with me, and we all said that it was one of the greatest books we were forced to buy in college.

All right. Let's start with what needs to be said first:

Relax.

Nothing kills a boner like stressing over whether or not you're going to get a boner, so just relax.

I certainly found that my first few times having sex were hit and miss. You soon figure some things out, and others need a bit of work.

So, here are a few words of wisdom, in no particular order:

1. Men need foreplay too. Yep, it's not just women who need a bit of a run-up! Men are also not ready to roll the moment you whip their pants off. So spend some time playing with each other before you go for full-on penetration.
   
   
2. Magazines with "sex tips" (Cosmo, I'm lookin' at you) make shit up just to sell. Don't let any magazine give either of you "sex tips".
   
   
3. Pornography is (mostly) lies. (Shooting myself in the foot here, but it needs to be said). Do not mistake any porn you have seen/read for a manual, guide, or any other form of instructional material. Pornography is fantasy.
   
   
4. Condoms, condoms, condoms.
   
   
5. Fap less. I'm not suggesting /r/NoFap, but certainly don't shuffle one out if you're going to see her later in the day.
   
   
6. Try to get hold of a copy of The Guide to Getting It On - it's a no-nonsense but very friendly guide to pleasuring each other, and comes highly recommended by sex therapists.
   
   
7. Try new things. By attempting to repeat a previous "success" you are already pressuring yourself, which is likely what killed it for you. Experiment. Have fun. Find your way around each other's bodies and enjoy whatever you find enjoyable.
   
   
8. No, I mean it: have fun. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, so relax and enjoy it. Don't see ejaculation as your goal, some finish line that you have to sprint to. It's a bonus, a great extra if you get to it, but otherwise? Hell, the rest of it's still awesome too! :D

It has nothing to do with you not being enough for her and more to do with wanting to mix it up a little and introducing some variety. Toys are just that, toys, they're fun to play with, especially on each other. I look at it like feeling inadequate because she wants to do something besides missionary or anything other than the 3 standard positions. In a long term relationship you need to start mixing it up a bit.

Here'a book you should buy called the Guide to Getting it on. It covers all kinds of stuff including introducing toys and various mental issues and hangups people have.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1885535759/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1885535333&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0SQPFBFBD8AKSKX1Z8DN

Your boyfriend really needs to step in and tell them to back off because it's also not your responsibility to deal with this. Regardless, here's some answers to your questions.

>About the condoms, we do plan on wearing them, but I was wondering if it's ever safe to not wear them.

Let's be clear upfront... The only "safe sex" method is abstinence. Anything else just reduces the chance of something bad happening, but the risk is never reduced to nothing. Worst case scenario for having anal sex without a condom is an infection, assuming both individuals are STI free.

>But as for it being messy back there, what kind of worst case scenario could we expect?

In terms of anatomy, you should think of your colon as a storage room. When you digest food, it gets stored in the colon until you eliminate. As such, you should just make sure you use the bathroom a few hours before you partake in anal sex. The colon keeps itself pretty clean. Just shower before you do it and make sure you clean up in that time.

You can also douche, but that can rid your body of enzymes helpful in digestion. It also shouldn't be necessary.

> I understand that if he has a cut on or around his groin, trace amounts of fecal matter may get in and cause complications, so we wouldn't do it if that were the case, but I've also heard that some may get in through the urethra, and cause a urinary infection.

Honestly, if fecal matter is flying everywhere when you have sex, I'd say you're not cleaning enough prior. You can google how to prepare for it without douching and you should be fine. I think that worrying about a cut on your partner's groin is a bit much. Just bandaid and maybe clean it after.

Here's a book I'd strongly suggest:
http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Book-About-Wonders/dp/1885535759/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367800942&sr=8-1&keywords=the+guide+to+getting+it+on

It's great and will answer a lot of general questions you might have.

Let me know if you've still got questions, but don't fall into the idea that anal sex is going to be messy. It's obviously not going to be 100% clean, but there's no reason you should see fecal matter (or smell it). If you do pull out and see it on your condom, either call it quits until next time or get a new condom.

This is so perfectly normal - we joked for weeks before we met about the awkward sex we were going to have when we finally were in the same state, and neither of us were virgins. Most of the time we have brilliant sex now, but every now and then, even living together and being physically intimate with delightful regularity, we just don't connect, and that's ok. I do second the advice to talk about what you like and don't, and, as fundamentally lacking as I always found "Skype sex" to be, I think that it does help with communication about sex, since you have to talk about it.

(This bit, you clearly know already, but maybe hearing it would help your boyfriend.) As for orgasming, soon or late, I'm 37 years old, I've been engaged, I've had several serious long term relationships, and several... less serious, and my sex life with my current boyfriend is the best I've ever had. And I don't orgasm during sex more than every third time. Some of the sex we have where I DON'T is actually the more emotionally profound, and every bit as satisfying for me. I don't like it when sex becomes goal oriented, if you know what I mean, and it's not like we're keeping score. We're enjoying each other, and our connection, and it sounds like, even with the first-time fumbles (which everyone does, seriously) that's exactly what you were doing.

I would recommend highly a book called The Guide to Getting it On. (http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Book-About-Wonders/dp/1885535759/ref=dp_ob_title_bk) It's funny and detailed and (sort of surprisingly for the genre) a straight good read, and it says a lot of smart things about first time jitters, and sexual priorities, and it can be a really excellent tool for opening communication about sex and what you want from it. Get the ebook version and read it together, if you like, it might be reassuring for him and fun for you both. Ultimately, just like anything else with a LDR (or any relationship), communication is key!

If there's anything I can do for you, feel free to PM!

I'm sorry to hear, man. I was a female in the opposite position, so I getcha, but I know the pressure/expectation for men is toooootally different than it is for women.

1. As a woman, I will say that there are women who think it's fun to "teach" a guy. They are out there. Even better if they can sympathize with your background. So don't throw it out as a possibility. Besides, if a girl gets you soon enough, she can teach you what she likes and how she likes it before you get "stuck in your ways". Being malleable and willing to learn is NOT the worst place to be.
   
2. I dunno if a book would be interesting to you or not. But, dude, just read the reviews on Amazon. If it seems worth it, look into it. Guide to Getting It On (7th Edition - please don't skimp on the edition... 7th is worth the extra money for being newer) (http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Book-About-Wonders/dp/1885535759). SUCH a good book. Humorous and light-hearted, relieves the pressure, teaches technique and information and all sort of good stuff. I bought one for myself and for a Christian friend who's getting married (both are virgins). Check it out!

Actually I'd recommend against using porn as an educational tool. It's all a show and doesn't usually reflect real sex. Or use it as inspiration, but don't expect sex to be like porn.

Sorry you had such a traumatic experience on top! Ouch. If girl on top isn't feeling good, don't force it. Take break. Try something else. There's no right or wrong way. Follow the pleasure. If you're not feeling pleasure, incorporate what feels good during foreplay or masturbation into sex. Maybe that's kissing or nibbling or rubbing your clit.

Don't worry about being a dead fish. If you are enjoying the experience, your partner will enjoy you. So work on enjoyment and worry less about how you look or what you do. If your partner can't give you more detailed feedback, then try to pay attention to his vocalizations and body language more.

Do you guys do other stuff besides penetrative sex? Oral sex? Hand play? Can you bring each other to orgasm? If not, spend more time experimenting with what feels good before you even get to penetration. Remember that sex is everything, not just the penis going in the vagina. You will figure it all out! It might just take time and practice.

If you're up for buying a book, The Guide to Getting it On is pretty great, and I learned a lot from it when I became sexually active. The illustrations are great and it has a very playful, light tone that makes it fun to read. I've also heard that She Comes First is awesome.

I don't know how I ever lived without this

This is the new version of a book I discovered when I was 16. I'm not sure what it's like where you are, but our sex ed was lacking and this helped answer a lot of questions I had in a way that was easy to understand without having to sort through at lot of lies and crap on the internet. I've gifted it out to some late blooming friends and even my youngest sister with great reviews.
Anyway, it's a great read and there is a section on everything I could think of and more :)

This book is great. It covers women and men, is easy to follow, and has lots of pictures.

The Guide to Getting It On has a section on "Sex when you're horny and disabled." You can view some of the pages in the amazon preview

Off topic, but I highly recommend reading the Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides for anybody starting out in the sexual world. This book covers EVERYTHING in a comprehensive, easy to read way. There is a free chapter on losing your virginity that is worth a read if you don't want to buy the book

I didn't know how and didn't even know about my clit till I was in my twenties. Until then I thought sex was just about penetration, and I tried a couple things, like wrapping a banana in a condom, but it didn't do anything for me. It wasn't until I got my first boyfriend when I was 21 and I bought the book Guide to Getting It On from the bookstore to learn about blow jobs and stuff (this was back in the day before smartphones and you could just Google stuff whenever you wanted). I wanted to be prepared and was embarrassed about my lack of sexual experience, so didn't want to ask my friends about it. The first BF turned out to be gay, so never went further than making out with him, but thanks to that book, I discovered my clit and learned how to masturbate and get myself off.