#3,154 in Books
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Reddit mentions of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
Sentiment score: 7
Reddit mentions: 9
We found 9 Reddit mentions of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory. Here are the top ones.
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| Release date | September 2014 |
What I would recommend to you is to give More Than Two a read.
Polyamory can be amazing and rewarding. But as a married couple, you have to be careful not to turn into "unicorn hunters." Understand anyone that enters your relationships is an individual with their own wants and needs, rather than a missing "piece" for your relationship. I'm not saying you would do this (after all, I don't know you!) but it's sadly common. Many secondaries end up feeling like their feelings get trampled over in the name of "protecting the established relationship."
More Than Two by Franklin Veaux. If The Ethical Slut is the non-monogamy bible, then More than Two is the Polyamory handbook. It is a must read.
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Opening Up is a good supplementary book. Overall not as good as More than Two, but it has some unique takes on poly that is worth reading.
Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory by Minx M. Honestly I have not gotten around to reading this yet, but it is by Cunning Minx of the Polyamory Weekly podcast, so the author knows what she is talking about.
Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan. This books it last on my list because it tries to pawn itself off as science when in truth it is more of philosophy. It makes good arguments, and backs them up with some data, but the evidence is nowhere as strong as Dr. Ryan wants to claim.
EDITED TO ADD:
If you are going to do non-monogamy it is always a good idea to improve your communication skills. Here are some recommended books on improving communication skills.
The Usual Error. This is a more basic communication book. It is a really good read that will point out some basic mistakes you probably make in communicating.
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. This is almost a whole new way of communicating. It is advanced level communications skills. Even incorporating some of the ideas in this book will help you tremendously in hard conversations.
Sorry you're getting so much crap from people over having had a crush on a co-worker that you didn't even act on. I suspect there's an awful lot of hypocrisy in this thread. I'd be shocked if most of these people hadn't fantasized about people outside their marriages.
I do think you and your husband can repair your sexual relationship. You started out very passionate with each other, and I believe you can get it back.
I think you're on the right track with needing more time apart. Also, maybe you could do more fun things together. Think about what you and he did for fun, back when you were passionate about each other, and try doing those things again. Try being the people you were back then. If you present it to your husband as a way to rekindle intimacy, he'll probably be up for it.
Also, if you're serious about possibly opening the relationship, don't ask for advice in this sub. Most people here have not done it and don't get it at all. Read some good books on the subject, like Opening Up and More Than Two, and read r/polyamory and r/nonmonogamy to see positive stories from people who are making it work, as well as some of the pitfalls that couples encounter.
Edit: Added links to books.
Not to add more complexity but if you are looking for other options besides just straight out and out divorce, and I'm not saying you should be, just if you are. Then I recommend this book.
https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory-ebook/dp/B01DQ20WZQ
> In the last few months, I’ve come to consider something which I had always been so vehemently against, which is the idea of engaging other partners to fulfill this need, but it would have to be something she is okay with.
The best book on the subject is More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
As with any other relationship issue, the key here is honest, forthright communication. Talk to your partner, let her know how you feel, and see how she feels.
You said she has an exclusive sexual interest in you, and that may be the case, but I wouldn't count on it. That's one of those little white lies mono people tell each other but it's almost never true. Talk to her, and more importantly, work to create a safe space for both of you to express your feelings honestly without recrimination.
You are also faced with a pretty difficult choice, OP. You're 18. You have your whole life ahead of you and you don't have to commit to anything for the rest of it, not to your girlfriend, and not to any one relationship style. What I recommend is deciding what you want, and then asking for it. Do you want to be non-monogamous with or without her? Do you want to be non-monogamous but only if it doesn't mean you have to break up? Think about that ahead of having conversations with her so you know the answer when she asks.
There are three really good books you should read on the subject: The Ethical Slut, More Than Two, and Opening Up. TES is a great guide to the world of non-monogamy, and all the different ways you can do it, and how. More Than Two is a very practical handbook for poly relationships, and includes a wealth of information on how to maintain your own boundaries and respect your partners, and conduct your relationship ethically. Opening Up specifically focuses on the challenges of and skills necessary to open an existing relationship, and does not just focus on polyamory but also swinging and other forms of non-monogamy.
Best of luck to you and yours, OP!
If you look at meta as added value for your partner, something that simply increases his happiness, and know it's nothing against relationship between you both - you should be fine :). Both of you are in that happy position that you mutually care about each other, respect your freedom, and don't try to enforce or forbid anything. In my opinion it's absolutely wonderful way to love another person, so... just enjoy what you have :).
If you're looking for a good quick read specifically about jealousy, there's an excerpt from More Than Two separately published as Polyamory and Jealousy - quick read, 30 pages, definitively worth looking at. But I'd recommend getting MTT, too - it covers wide range of mechanics and situations you might encounter when being close more than 1 partner. You can find useful tips about building healthy hierarchical relationships there, too.
Kudos for surfing the reddit threads.
Open-relationships are WORK. Honesty and communication are #1 on that list. It can 100% work where only one partner is open, and that's totally fine.
Lately, the r/polyamory boards are *mostly cis-hetero couples wanting to open their relationships so their wives can sexually explore or so they can have threesomes....so as of late, I wouldn't suggest that /r being your best option.
What I can suggest (to start with) is this:
When we started dating, we were mono but we discussed both being pansexual and I let him know early on that if he wanted to explore that, I was okay with it, but we had to be really open and honest and communicative/respectful. As time went on and we were exposed to more sort of radical thinking and embracing ourselves more in the comfort of a stable, loving relationship, we decided to fully go for it. It helps to have literature to read together too- there's some great books like More Than Two that could help guide the process, if you want to approach it with your partner :)