Reddit mentions of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Reading about dating topics helps me to some extent, since if you're looking for a serious relationship with someone it helps to already have thought about what you're looking for and these books can help you become more self-aware and communicate better. Some books that helped me think through important topics/issues: The Man's Guide to Women, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, The Gaslight Effect, and She Comes First.

I second the Tannen book. Also, anything by John Gottman. You might also check out Brené Brown's books. She also has a TED talk and now a Netflix special, both of which can give you a flavor for her work.

I'm sorry :( that really must be hard. With the physical and emotional distance, I can't even imagine the toll it brings on you. Praying for healed intimacy between you in every way.

If you have time, I would suggest reading this book. It's not a Christian book, but I had two separate Christian marriage counselors recommend it to me. I wrote a summary of it here if you're looking to catch the gist (or here's a more in-depth summary if it interests you). There are perhaps 100+ pages of exercises in the book for working on forming connection with your spouse once again. It's an absolutely wonderful book for getting ideas.

> Wants our remaining friendship to “grow organically” after we divorce.

Hmm, when I hear this, it sounds a lot to me like he's not closed off to friendship entirely. Here's a series of radical suggestions just to give some ideas that could potentially break the pattern so to speak. Just thinking out loud!

• Write him a letter every day for the next month sharing a memory you have enjoyed with him
  
• Send him a flirty picture out of the blue and say you are thinking about him
  
• Download some cell-phone apps that will allow you to play games together when you're away - (Words with Friends is a good one to try)
  
• Next time he's in town, buy two silly nerf gun toys and try and get him to clown around with you
  
  I know that when negative sentiment override is running the show, lots of efforts are rejected, but all it takes is a single crack in his armor and then he can start to remember what a wonderful wife he has.
  
  Just some thoughts - joining you in prayer.

Depending on the relationship. Suggest your partner work on Active Listening. If it is hard to approach the subject suggest you take an improv comedy class together or separately.

Reading suggestion: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00N6PEQV0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_qU1pDbZ51Q8ZB

I'm thrilled you found this helpful! Parenting is so hard, and I'm lucky I have a very intuitive wife who is helping guide me through the tricky parts. It sounds like you are in a similar role.

I would offer one piece of parting advice: broach the topic with your husband this evening. Maybe ask him "Hey, I left a reddit comment open on your laptop this morning. Did you get a chance to read it?" It is incredibly important that you begin to work together with him. Here's a very short resource on how to start a discussion rather than an argument.

I would also recommend seeing if there are any "Bringing Baby Home" seminars in your area. Your child might be "too old" for one, but just lie and say she's a few months old, then "leave her with grandma". When my wife and I took it, it was a two day seminar that has almost nothing to do with children, and everything to do with the stresses a new child places of your marriage. It helps you come up with some coping techniques, and provides some more productive alternatives to managing conflict.

If you can't make it into one of those, read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Basically, anything by Dr. John Gottman is going to be extremely good. It's what my wife reads, so I should know :) He is also the one who developed the content for the Bringing Baby Home seminar.

I wish you the best of luck. And if your husband wants to talk to another dad who struggles with a lot of the same stuff he is, have him message me. I'll be happy to chat.

But seriously, don't leave it up to chance that he read my first post.

I got a book called 7 principles of making marriage work. If I were you I'd get the book, see if you naturally tend toward the negative indicators from the author, and make a call there.

FH and I certainly have our moments, and we also had very incompatible fighting strategies when we started dating. But by the time we got engaged, things felt pretty easy (four years in). I know how he needs to hear things so he doesn't shut down (aka no yelling anymore, even though that's natural for me) and he knows that I'm going to trust him that nothing is wrong until he tells me something is wrong.

​

My gut reaction to your post is to postpone. It only seems to get more stressful as you go along, and honestly, how he manages his family after they freak out will tell you a lot about his shiny spine and if it's you two vs the world, or you vs him and his family. And that certainly seems like a longterm concern for you.

​

It shouldn't be a trudge.

​

PS the whole premise of the book is that it's a psychologist who studies marriage, and he can predict divorce within a few minutes of meeting couples. Seems like a good (less expensive) assessment of your potential at this point. Plus it's our wedding counseling replacement.