(Part 3) Reddit mentions: The best self esteem books

Depression, anxiety, and feelings of a loss of focus come when you do not take meaningful action in your life. You have to find something creative that both connects you to other people and who you are at your core. What did you really enjoy doing as a kid?

I find that it helps me to have a belief structure which makes me feel fundamentally connected and worthwhile. [This book] (http://www.amazon.com/Lovingkindness-Revolutionary-Happiness-Sharon-Salzberg/dp/1570621764) was really fantastic for motivating me and helping me to feel at peace. One metaphor Salzberg used that really resonated with me is this: If you are a glass full of water, and someone comes by and dumps a tablespoon of salt in, that small amount of salt will have a large affect on the overall composition of the glass. This is like, if you are filled with feelings like "I am an okay person." But someone if someone in your vicinity does or says something you disagree with, you can easily get caught up in feelings of anger, depression, or listlessness - not knowing your purpose. On the other hand, imagine yourself to be a lake. If someone comes by and puts a tablespoon of salt in a lake, the salt will have little effect on the overall composition. So the point of meditation is not to empty yourself of all things, but rather to fill yourself so full of good things that a small amount of bitterness does not affect you. That's why it's been vital for me to keep reading, everything that I can, from people who have achieved sustained feelings of inner peace. They teach us to look at all of our gifts and failings with kindness and compassion, and extend that compassion outward with feelings of benevolence. There are many lines of thought that help me to feel fundamentally tied to things much greater than I, and it makes me feel like I can draw motivation from the strength and love I feel around me.

The idea of Karma teaches us that every obstacle in our life is put there as a specific learning experience, meant to make us aware of our personal failings so that we can work to become stronger. We are meant to recognize the limits of the ego mask we have adopted - simplified rationalizations for why we are special or particularly entitled. The goal of life and the root of happiness lies in extending love to yourself and everything in creation equally. We are all meant to be happy, but it takes a great deal of work to extend forgiveness to yourself and the great human mess around us.

We each need to feel that we are actively contributing to the advancement of mankind. When you suppress your thoughts and feelings, you deny who you really are in favor of who you think others want you to be. True love requires no sacrifice. When you can really accept yourself as you are, you instantly feel free and motivated to do what makes you feel happy - which naturally connects you to others. When you shine your own light, you inspire others to do the same - to be themselves without fear or feeling the need to control everything.

"Be the type of person you want to meet." When you see someone or hear or someone and your heart leaps, like "I want to be that way!" - Don't feel ashamed that you aren't! Know that something inside you resonated with that other person because in that way you are fundamentally similar. It is often useful to follow in the footsteps of people who inspire us. Come to know the feeling of truth in your heart - Not the feeling that you want to adopt certain states of mind in order to be powerful or well-respected - But the feeling that other people can show you the way if you listen to your heart. It doesn't matter if someone else did it first, or is seemingly "better at it" than you. If the practice awakens something inside you, listen to that yearning and allow yourself to unfold in that direction fearlessly. Every day is a chance to pick up new projects and explore what you truly love.

Don't feel that you constantly need to be doing something. Make small, meaningful actions when you feel up to it. Get a feel for whether your ego is "coming" or "going" - whether you are inflating your sense of importance or whether you are being too hard on yourself. If you feel self-critical and lack energy, give yourself time to rest. If you feel motivated but frustrated because you don't know what to do, gently ask yourself what one little thing you feel up to. Give yourself some time every day to do something creative that connects you to people you love. I like to write letters with little doodles or send haiku's to my friends. Writing in a journal is great too. If you record your dreams as soon as you wake up, they will often tell you what sort of issue it would be most beneficial to focus on today.

Remember: You are growing toward wholeness every day! Good luck!

I am obsessed. Here is my current collection:

Most of these you can find on thepiratebay / etc, but I own a hard copy of all of these except for The Mystery Method, which I read probably 5 times before I found Magic Bullets (actually don't own that either, just the pdf). I'll add to this list if I think of more.

Must Reads:

Magic Bullets - Savoy ==>> [Torrent] it's expensive!

• This book is so excellent. It's like a PUA encyclopedia. It walks you through the process, and cites every major text along the way.. none of this "my way works best" crap, but not afraid to make judgments either. For pickup books that employ some form of the M3 Model (however loosely.. which I think means: everyone except Ross Jeffries), this is the authoritative text. If you have an approach that is proven, important, and credible, then it is probably cited in this book.
  
  Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
  
  
• I got this book because it is #1 on this list. Turns out, it is the modern version of Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People (see review below).. only this time, it's by someone who knows a thing or two about applied psychology (which either didn't exist back then, or was too under-developed to matter). This guy freaking went undercover as a used car salesman, working with fundraisers, etc. Interestingly enough, I bought this book in the same order as The Game, and in chapter 1 Strauss mentions reading Cialdini's book to prepare for a trip to Belgrade with Mystery, which was his formal introduction into the PUA community.
  
  The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
  
  
• I'm not done with this one yet, but I will say this: if you have a conscience, don't read this. It really is a fascinating study of seduction, but it does focus on seduction as a tool to victimize people.. That said, unlike your typical pick-up type book which does not bother to categorize gamers' personality types, this book categorizes different "types" of seducers. This is extremely helpful because you can figure out what type of seducer fits you best, and what things you need to focus on to improve your game.
  
  How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie
  
  
• This book has sold over 15 million copies. It was originally written in 1937, but has been revised once or twice since it became the best selling self-help type book of all time, which it probably still is. He walks you through the basic principles of how to motivate people.. what works, what doesn't.. etc. Fun, easy, captivating read. It looks thick, but I think I unintentionally read it cover to cover in one sitting the first time I read it in college.. so it's a quick read.
  
  
  Should reads:
  
  The Game - Neil Strauss
  
  
• I think this is one of the best selling pick-up type books. I liked reading it, but it was less of a tutorial book and more of an autobiography.. it does get the job done though. It also is a very entertaining read, and if you doubt that PUA stuff actually works, this will prove to you otherwise because Strauss was a very timid and ugly mofo, but he fucked Jenna Jameson.
  
  The Mystery Method : How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed - Mystery, Chris Odom, Neil Strauss
  
  
• This introduced me into the world of PUA my senior year of college when I inadvertently stumbled upon a torrent of it (I was probably looking for something to jerk off to. How poetic). I downloaded it just to skim through it skeptically, but this book eventually introduced me to a whole new world. This is an excellent staple / beginner's text, even though I now recommend Magic Bullets because it is so much more objective and inclusive of alternate styles and approaches along the way.
  
  How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed - Ross Jeffries
  
  
• Not done with this yet, but Ross Jeffries is a freak (not meant to be insulting to him). I have no doubt that his methods are effective, but they are very different. And he really seems a bit evil, as opposed to merely mischievous like most other PUAs are. I haven't decided how incompatible, if not just different, his methods are with the Mystery / Strauss crowd.. but then again, I have never field tested any of his methods myself.
  
  Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation - Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kim Johnson
  
  
• A close friend of mine who studied improv in New York lent me this, and I forgot about it until recently -- but it is a very short but brilliant book about comedy. I'm listening now to David DeAngelo's Cock Comedy series, and I realized that almost everything he's saying is straight out of this little text. It's not really something essential for pick-up, which is why I wouldn't put it in Must Reads, but it is excellent nonetheless.
  
  
  Meh, they're alright:
  
  The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction - Mystery, Neil Strauss
  
  
• You can definitely get some good stuff out of this book, but the whole thing comes across as an excuse for Mystery to brag about how awesome he is. He seriously spends an entire chapter (maybe more) telling a story about him bragging to other PUAs. He does deserve it though, the man is the single most influential PUA ever, if not the most successful in the field.
  
  Rules of the Game - Neil Strauss
  
  
• This is one of those books that you read once a day for 30 days, and write down statements of intent right in the book like "it is my goal to lose my virginity before my next birthday in 3 months." Probably good for beginners, but I skimmed through this after having been gaming in the field for several months.
  
  Haven't read yet:
  
  What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People - Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins
  
  
• This looks really good.
  
  NLP: The New Technology of Achievement - NLP Comprehensive
  
  Easy Mind-Reading Tricks - Robert Mandelberg, Ferruccio Sardella
  
  Palm Reading for Beginners: Find Your Future in the Palm of Your Hand (For Beginners (Llewellyn's)) - Richard Webster
  
  There are also some good videos out there (links are to torrents. these are all several hundred $$):
  
  
  Excellent Videos
  
  The Annihilation Method - Neil Strauss
  
  
• I met a guy who said he was looking around his apartment for things to sell so he could afford the $375 this costs. apparently he didn't think to check thepiratebay ;)
  
  Mystery and Style
  
  
• The videos of Mystery in here are just excellent. It's very interesting to see Mystery actually interacting with other people (not in a set), since he is the god of pick-up.
  
  Decent Videos
  
  Psychic Influence - Ross Jeffries
  
  
• This is interesting.. I'm not much of a Jeffries guy though, mostly because he's the most oddball of the group, and I haven't studied his material enough.

The journey of loving yourself begins with making sure that you're not thinking horrible thoughts about yourself. What you think will determine how you feel. It might sound silly but learning how to talk positively to yourself and treating yourself like you would your own best friend really does help. Take a look online (search things like positive self-talk, positive body image, building self-esteem and self-confidence, goal setting etc.) or pick up a few of these books from the library to begin.

The Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Build Confidence and Achieve Your Goals
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Teens-Activities-Confidence/dp/1608825825/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

The following books will help you to know what relationship boundaries to set early on and how to know whether a guy is really into you for the right reasons. I feel as though every young woman should be required to read these books -- especially those that struggle with self-love. I wished I would have read them much earlier in my life. I would have saved myself some heartache!

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.
https://www.amazon.com/Act-Like-Lady-Think-Relationships-ebook/dp/B001NLL89M/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1503791606&sr=1-1&refinements=p_27%3ASteve+Harvey

(This next book sounds like it encourages you to be nasty but I've read it and it's all about having good boundaries in relationships. It's not about being some crazy psycho, ok?)

Why Men Marry Bitches: Expanded New Edition - A Guide for Women Who Are Too Nice
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Marry-Bitches-Expanded-ebook/dp/B01N9JOSTQ/ref=pd_sim_351_5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=EMAE900BKGM5D9PSW9TJ

A good therapist can help you but, just as Mirawenya mentioned, you do have to talk to a few before finding one who is a good fit for you. Some therapists have a sliding scale for payment so the less you make, the less you have to pay. Just keep in mind that a lot of the work has to be done by you anyway so start to do some research online and read. That might be enough for you.

>Motivation is still something I have to cultivate because its like a plant that's been given nothing but salt for 3 years.

To address this part of your post, I would recommend reading books such as The 1% Rule or The Science of Self Discipline. The truth is, motivation is overrated. You're not motivated because you haven't made any progress. There is nothing so motivational as progress, and even then, that's not something you can rely upon and that's not only true for you, who, as you say, is a withered plant right now. The truth is, for most of us, motivation is always like that. A plant that lives on the edge of a cliff, where any little thing will end its life. The only thing you can count on is discipline, or the ability to do the right thing whether or not you feel like it, or in other words, whether or not you're motivated. Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson would tell you as much. Jordan likes to quote the Matthew effect, which is,

>For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

Don't sit around and wait for motivation while religiously consuming JBP videos. Doing that will only help up to a certain point, but at some point JBP videos become escapism as well. The grim truth is, the only way to sustain motivation is to have it in the first place, and by your incremental achievements, further motivate yourself. Think of every RPG that's ever been invented. They have the grinding (effort)-achievement(reward)-motivation triad down to a science. They calculated exactly how often to reward you with a level up per unit of effort spent, and in this way, you can often induce a gamer to grind or "farm" like someone running from a lion. Grinding is very boring, often involving the same easy battles over and over and over again, yet gamers are very motivated to do it. Why? Because they're appropriately rewarded. If you're at zero in terms of motivation, nothing is going to change unless you grit your teeth and start doing what you should do today. And by having a small amount of success, you will gain more motivation.

Start by cleaning your room. In my experience, no matter how "sorted" I was, nothing so consistently drags me down and pisses me off than my awful room, with months worth of clothing piled up in the corner. I "cleaned my room" using the KonMari method late last year (I blogged about the process here) and now I still have a clean room.

>My very life was an injustice to all that struggled, and taking my own life would be akin to spitting in their faces.

Yes. You are exactly right. As someone who is very privileged and can probably win the "most privileged person in the room" in any given room, I say own it. If you ended your life and throw it all away, it is indeed an insult to those who cannot have what you have. Think about it. It's not like your death will really give your opportunities to someone else. It just means there is one fewer people with your opportunities around. That is a negative. Don't be ungrateful. Don't throw it away. Don't feel guilty. Use your power for good. You might not deserve your "power", but it is yours nevertheless.

• I can second the video diary. Just start talking, no censure. If it helps, you can watch it back and make another video diary about what you observed about yourself. This can help getting closer to your emotions, by taking some distance.
  
• also the writing helps for me (mindmap all my thoughts and worries/ write out what happened and rescript it into something less intense/ writing a story and see what comes out, what your characters are going through, likely has something to do with how you feel.)
  
• music (EMDR music can help unleash emotions)
  
• The Emotion Thesaurus (a book for writers, but very useful for understanding emotions and what goes with it.)
  
• check if the emotion is due to sensory overload/mental overload/social overload/physical overload/emotional overload. Sometimes managing your energy on these things can help calm you down, without needing to cry. Basically, get out of overload situation.
  
• emotion cards (I use these and the recommended “often bought together”. I go through them and see which ones “speak to me” and answer the questions on the back. The affirmations can be a little vague and have a tendency to tell you to “move on”, but in our case it’s better to take a moment to reflect and make sure the sensations get a chance to be “heard”, because they will just continue to build up if you move on too quickly. You can also add your own affirmations/ helpful quotes if the provided ones don’t help/don’t ring true.
  
• if you do know there are emotions, but can’t seem to grant them the light of day, then this helped me in the beginning: I anthropomorphise my emotions and rational thoughts into the eldest sisters Dashwood from “Sense and Sensibility”. Elinor = rational thought, Marianne = emotions and impulsive action. The only way for them to get along, really, is to accept each other. So I make them talk to each other. For example a simplified version: Elinor; “we need to do this list of things.” Marianne; “but I don’t want to, I feel so tired and I’m grieving. Let me be!” Elinor: “I understand that you feel sad, but we need to do these things. How about we take a nap first and then we get a few things accomplished and then we can sit down and cry for a bit, or talk about it if that helps?” Marianne: “Fine! But I don’t like it!” Elinor: “I know, I don’t either. Thank you for helping me though.” Marianne: “Whatever...”
  
• using some creative medium (clay/ drawing/ singing/ music/ painting/ woodwork/ etc) to express what you feel. Without thinking too much about it (put on some music or something), start creating. It doesn’t have to be nice or beautiful or even meaningful. Sometimes just doing something creative/ with your hands can get you started. Then the emotion has an outlet, either because you created something to express it, or because the emotion comes out as a consequence. Don’t focus on the result, focus on the process of how it feels to do these things.
  
  This problem is a focus area for me, because it hinders my functioning a lot. So I’ve been trying a lot of these things. Some help, some don’t, hopefully something here, will help you out. Good luck :)

Mostly awesome suggestions in here! Just a reminder - if you're stocking up, be sure you include some nonfiction books, or at the very least, realistic fiction. We seem to be a lot of fantasy lovers in here (myself included!), but some kids just aren't into that.

One set that I recommend is "The Survival Series for Kids" by Joy Wilt Berry, which are all dealing-with-regular-life or etiquette stuff, such as cleaning your room, learning first aid, "getting dressed" (ie choosing appropriate clothes and caring for your clothes), taking care of a lawn, and so on. They are informative, have cute pictures, and funny dialogue between the characters in the margins.

For younger readers, the same author has a series of what are basically graphic novels, called the "Ready-Set-Grow" series (partial set linked here for <$20 on ebay!). Those ones have just a few lines per page. They are more of making sure kids grow up confident and understanding how life works. They cover subjects like decision making, recognizing and handling emotions, handling differences of opinion, understanding that people are all different, dangerous things, verbal and nonverbal communication, being creative... it's hard to convey in such a small space, but they basically cover a lot of topics that well-adjusted parents usually go over with their kids on their way through life, helping the kids become well-adjusted. Some of them are a bit outdated, but even then they're pretty good. For instance the one introducing the concept of gender is titled "You're Either One or the Other" which would scare people nowadays, but the actual text spends the whole book explaining that people are just people, some guys like football and some like dancing, some girls like dressup and some like climbing trees, etc - in other words, be accepting of differences.

The best thing is that they're written in a way that kids can understand and relate to, with enough humor to not be stuffy.

I cannot recommend these books highly enough, especially for kids who are in less-than-ideal homes. They are incredible.

Hi Im here for your yoga wants and needs

Yoga Friends looking to start meditation suggestions

Meditation Cushion (I think I have the 13" one) - I specifically have this Reehut ($23) one and a Manduka one (I cant find it online! but it was about $50) and the manduka definitely has a better suede feel, the Reehut one feels just as nice to sit on).

Headspace account - you can get a year premium account on eBay just saying for a fraction of the price... (I'm talking like $5 versus $100).

Journal - I got the meditation cushion and added a journal for my friend (I ended up getting a 3pack from Costco for $11 and gifting to 3 people! 😁

Odds and Ends:

If you want to spend money on your yoga friend, a Liforme yoga mat that's $150-200 might be right up your alley.

I also want the NOW Tone Therapy speakers but cant talk myself into spending $150 for 3 minutes of sweet bells.

If you want to go super hippie, you can buy Sage to burn ($18 issa vibe)

.I think this is a super cute card set Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck (less than $25). The same artist also has a similar Tarot deck that's under $25

This is also a great visual/journaling book for yogis - a lot of pages, colorful, and places to write (so dont bother with the Kindle version!)(Wanderlust might have another book for cookers, if I'm not mistaken).Less than $20 right now.

Jessamyn Stanley also has Every Body Yoga for someone who practices yoga and is interested in hearing Jessamyn's journey to yoga. She's very inclusive and I really enjoyed reading her story. The yoga is very basic though.

"This is who I am" is a beautiful photography book of women of all shapes, sizes, and ages

"Operation beautiful" is full of inspiring stories and quotes

"Already pretty" (by Sally McGraw) and "How to have style" (by Isaac Mizrahi) really inspired me to have more fun with clothes/fashion

"Strong is the new pretty" is intended for younger audiences but is honestly gorgeous and inspiring for all ages

"Read my hips" is an inspiring and funny memoir I read years ago (I don't think she talks much about religion, since I remember enjoying the book and I'm agnostic)

"Body of truth" - a fascinating analysis of the historical and cultural motivations for body shaming

​

The following books I haven't read yet but I do follow the writers on social media and enjoy their content:

"The body is not an apology"

"Body positive power"

"Things no one will tell fat girls"

"Embody: learning to love your unique body" (I think this is more of a workbook?)

A couple of thoughts:

0. I have never had therapy, so I can't tell you much about it. But from what I've heard from others, I think it might be worthwhile for you to give it a shot. Unfortunately I have no basis to give any advice on how to pick a competent therapist or anything of that sort, so I'll defer from commenting on that.

1. You say you're ugly... well, maybe, maybe not. If you're willing to post pics, I'm sure a few folks here would give you an unbiased opinion on that, and maybe some specific suggestions on things you could improve. I've often heard it said that almost any man is well on his way to being attractive if he gets a better haircut, whiter teeth, and a nice shirt. Even if you don't want to post a pic, maybe try changing your hairstyle, and/or fashion style. Ask around for advice from friends or strangers at the mall, whatever floats your boat.
   
   
2. A question: are you confident in other areas of your life? If so, which ones? Or do you feel like you're generally lacking in confidence all around? If its the latter, there are some things you can do to help build your confidence. Consider looking at something like Ross Jeffries' Unstoppable Confidence course. If you don't want to buy it, there are cough certain bittorrent sites cough where it might be found... There are also tons of books on improving your confidence, which can be found at any Barnes & Noble or Borders, or on Amazon. For example: http://www.amazon.com/Confidence-Course-Seven-Steps-Self-Fulfillment/dp/0061094536/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1285713018&sr=1-1, or http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Secrets-Total-Self-Confidence-Revised/dp/042522189X/ref=pd_sim_b_3, or http://www.amazon.com/Confidence-Plan-How-Build-Stronger/dp/1402203497/ref=pd_sim_b_5 among others.
   
   
3. Working out isn't just about looking better... that itself is a way one can increase ones confidence. The idea is, as you challenge yourself (to run faster, run further, life more weight, etc.) and gradually improve your performance and experience the phenomenon of meeting goals and overcoming challenges along the way, you become more confident from the process. Because you demonstrate to yourself that you are capable of setting a goal, making progress towards it, and achieving it. That said, working out isn't the only way to do this... in theory almost anything that has some metric associated with it, and that you can improve at over time, can be used. But I'd suggest not using "getting my World of Warcraft character to a higher level," but that's just me. The book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience goes into this kind of phenomenon in depth... I highly recommend reading that one.
   
   
4. Finally, if your confidence issues really are just "girl specific," then you might benefit from shelling out the $$$ for a boot camp with one of the pickup instruction companies. Having an actual instructor there with you to instruct you, coach you up, and push you a bit, could possibly work wonders. The big downside is that boot camps with the really well known companies can be kinda pricey. I've never taken one, so I can't recommend any in particular. But.. if you live in an urban area, there's a chance you may find a local outfit (even if it's just an individual doing it on the side) that does lessons and boot-camps for a lot less than the big companies.

I can say that you're completely justifed in feeling worried - it's a new thing for you. Communication and discussion are very important in many issues and here they are important too. Talking about your concerns and fears with your bf might help and I do hope you two can discuss it and come to compromise that doesn't dissmiss your worries and puts all blame on you. Yes it is hard for him, but don't let that diminish your issues and make them insignificat.

I've read a number of books on kindle and I'd like to recommend you some that I think could be relevant:

1. [Something to Confess by Karen Adler.] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008BI8GQS?redirect=true&ref_=kinw_myk_ro_title)
Written from perspective of a crossdressers wife is about her dealing with her husband telling her and his crossdressing. I really like it as a good example of open communication between two adult people.

2. The Cross Dresser's Wife - Our Secret Lives by Dee A. Levy, B. Sheffield Hunt

3. Men in Bras, Panties and Dresses: The Secret Truths About Transvestites (European Medical Journal)
A medical study results conducted in UK. Could be interesting read and comparing your bf to different ppl that took part in that study and seeing how different crossdressers can be.

4. Out & About - The Emancipated Crossdresser by Lacey Leigh

*5. 7 Secrets of Successful Crossdressers by Lacey Leigh

Two books by Lacey Leigh. I really like her approach to crossdressing and dealing with society. She also talks about how she made it work for their family.

First two books might be more relevant then other 3 and I do hope they help.
Girlfriends and wifes of crossdressers (they could be named significant others) have a number of support groups and forums. You can google them and read or join.

I'm a crossdresser myself and I can try to answer your questions if you have any. Just rememeber that every person (and crossdresser) is different and my answers could be different from what your bf thinks or feels.

The most powerful thing that I have read was "there are only two things in life you can control. Your thoughts and actions." I have been meditating for about two weeks now and I feel a huge improvement on my life in terms of happiness. I used to think it was something the brag about how much of a cynic I was. I used to be proud of being a nihilist.

A few books that have helped me:
Be Your Own Psychic by Sherron Mayes I didn't buy into everything in the book but one of the visualizations that I do daily when I start feeling stressed came from that book.
How to Let Go of the Past and Live in the Present Moment By Kevin Kerr and Manifestation through Peace and Relaxation: A Self-help Guide to Transform Yourself by Constance Diaz.

The best advice I can give is try not to set too unrealistic of goals for yourself. Try and create expectations that are achievable. The more pressure you put on yourself the harder it is going to be. So long as you do your best work that is all anyone can ask of you.

Sending hugs, love and good vibes your way. Hope this helps!

Know your fears - this is something I took from twyla tharp's incredible book the creative habit. In the book, which you should absolutely read, she talks about fears, and then, in an act of incredible courage, writes all of her personal artistic fears right there on the page for the world to see. (Her fears are, "1. People will laugh at me. 2. Someone has done it before. 3. I have nothing to say. 4. I will upset someone I love. 5. Once executed, the idea will never be as good as it is in my mind.")

I'm so grateful for her articulating those, because it allowed me to see the incredible power of simply setting your fears down on paper and understanding them. I realized that my own fears, which are different from hers have been dramatically impacting my behavior. Just by putting them down, they lose a smidge of their power, because you begin to see the logical flaws in your subconscious reasoning. (Incidentally, in the spirit of Twyla's honesty, my fears are: that my writer friends and mentors will read something I wrote and decide that I am a weaker writer than they thought; that my manager and agent will read my work and take me less seriously; that the next script will not help me move forward in my career, that I'll stall and lose my job and get fired; that I will have to move my wife back into a shitty living situation when we can't make rent.)

Action item: find a blank page. Write: "I'm afraid of..." and then keep your pen moving. When you get stuck, re-write, "I'm afraid of..." and take a different tack. Think about writing whatever you're procrastinating on right now, and the weird feeling in your gut that appears that's stopping you from working. Dig into it. "I'm afraid of..."

If it helps, you can burn or shred this page later.

Then, maybe later on, distill what you've written down into a few bullet points. Maybe you'll do this once, or maybe you'll come back to this exercise over and over as you write and discover more about yourself and what's actually motivating you.

welcome and embrace your fears. this is something I've distilled from a lifetime of reading Buddhist psychology and philosophy. A great introduction to the concept, though, would be Fear by the Vietnamiese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. The point here is that when you think about writing, or sit down to write, and find yourself encountering writers block, instead of just pushing past it, you want to sit back a moment and say, "I know there is this fear in me. I've seen this before, I've written it down." Then, instead of fighting it, you just sit with it a while and don't try to change it. Eventually, you can even come to take care of it, and take care of the wounded part of you that is causing the fear.

action item: when you find yourself procrastinating or experiencing writer's block, stop a moment, and say: "I'm experiencing a fear right now. Hello fear, old friend, I see you in me." This is a better strategy than 'powering through' or watching youtube for 6 hours (my typical move).

bigger action item: beyond the scope of this post, but I've found the above is significantly easier if I've been meditating regularly for 15 minutes a day or longer. Google, search youtube, subscribe to headspace or calm. If you think this is hogwash, the best skeptics discussion of meditation is 10% happier by dan harris.

routine: this is the underlying premise of the creative habit, which gives it its title. The idea is, it's much easier to overcome initial resistance if you develop a routine you follow every day, and the routine ends with you beginning to work.

action item: cultivate the habit of writing every day. Cultivate additional little habits that trigger 'it's writing time', like lighting a candle, putting on your headphones, sitting in a specific room or at a specific table, whatever. Something along the lines of a free-throw shooter dribbling three times before every shot, sort of thing.

morning pages. This is from the book the artists way by julia cameron. The whole book is kind of an exploration of writer's block, in a sense; and it's full of very smart ideas and actionable suggestions on the subject. But the cream of her teaching is: write three handwritten pages of whatever every morning, or when you sit down to write. This little suggestion is truly life-altering -- I was extremely skeptical upon hearing this advice, and now I swear by it. It gives you a place to excise all the junk and demons floating around in your brain every day, kind of like being your own therapist. And it gets you in the habit of moving your pen, writing what comes out, and not self-censoring. It is a way to both strengthen your ability to start writing freely, and simultaneously weaken your fears, procrastination, and distracting surface emotions.

action item: cultivate the habit of writing 3 pages longhand every day. If you're really stuck, get the book and work her 12-week program, it will absolutely un-stuck you, guaranteed.

do the work: the last thing I want to put here is kind of self-evident, but it deserves saying anyway: when it's all said and done, you need to actually put your ass in the chair and start writing. It's like swimming: you can't get better at it by thinking about it strategically or theoretically; you need to put most of your effort into putting out pages. Especially when you're just starting out, the best thing you can do is do a huge volume of work. It's not going to be as good as you want to be at first; it's like that for everyone. You just need to fight through that and write more, and it absolutely will get better over time.

action item: put yourself on a deadline to finish one short every week or two weeks or something. Or one pilot or feature every three or four months. Commit to making mistakes as fast as possible, embrace that things will fall short of your aspirations at first, and just do as much volume as possible.

Hope this helps and I welcome any feedback.

Over the holidays I had a difficult trip/ego death, followed by an exceptionally liberating, uplifting trip/ego death. Things were going great, but I also realized a lot of ways I was hurting myself by thought patterns I developed from mental abuse as a child. A month later out of the blue I started getting anxiety and dp/dr from weed which was unusual for me, so I quit cold turkey and then experienced a severe dark night of the soul. I took a week off work because I could barely eat, everything lost its meaning and didn't make sense or feel real anymore, and I started having panic attacks throughout the nights (I never had panic attacks in my life, or really anxiety that severe at all - it was all very new to me).

It was whiplash from the ego & the rapid surfacing of things I had long repressed my whole life, including tons of grief from loss of loved ones, status, homes, possessions, etc I'd experienced the last 3 years, among other crazy stressors involving my relationship with my parents and my husband. I cried about things I never gave proper attention to, like the death of my best friend and the grief of my deteriorating relationship with my dad, but even stuff about how difficult it was to experience so many stressful events in my life in spite of how hard I work, how hard I try to be kind to others, etc. Cried and cried. Bawled my eyes out, snot pouring down my face, for days and days and days.

I started learning about shadow work & going to hypnotherapy. I also figured out the real point to no-self philosophy/the illusion of ego and finally figured out how to stop identifying with my thoughts. I have released...so much baggage I did not even know I was holding onto, and I have finally gotten to a place where I feel mostly peaceful - it's a gradual transition. I say mostly peaceful, because I still get anxiety and a bit of fear/resistance from my mind about metaphysics and psychedelics, but at the same time this is the most centered I've ever felt in my life - and I know that my mind just has to get used to not being the center of my world and those fears will gradually resolve. I am not possessed by my anxiety anymore, and I can just let it exist and then it melts away on its own without being a dreadful experience. In general I have a lot more inner awareness and sensitivity, especially in regards to my body, than I had before my experiences over the winter.

Before I got to this point I unsubscribed from everything and anything related to psychedelics, occult, mysticism, whatever, and just focused on real basic shit. Cats and puppies, harmless video games, comedy tv, treated myself like a baby that needed a soft blanket and a binky etc lol. I felt like a raw nerve for about 2 months. I kept having severe existential anxiety, or anxiety about metaphysics, etc. A lot of this improved as I started going to hypnotherapy and doing shadow work. Here are some books that helped me, they are short and easy to read (and inexpensive or free on kindle unlimited):

Liberation Unleashed: A Guide to Breaking Free from the Illusion of a Separate Self https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CFGRFCW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dMQTCbRX4XBNC

Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062507540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_tpbDCbE4M46Q5

An Introduction To Shadow Work: How to Accept Every Aspect of Yourself. Learn the Immensely Powerful Technique for Empowering Yourself, Loving Yourself and Building Permanent Self-Esteem. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B017WPC9YU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_IILJCb6RYTZ9B

Uh, plus a ton of other books (I read quite a bit). You can dm me if you are interested in more. I've also made it a point to establish a meditation practice to help with this transition to a new kind of headspace. I learned there is a push and pull to psychedelics, and when you trip you are going deep inside yourself and there may be things there you were not aware of, or even necessarily prepared to deal with. A lot of that stuff gets expressed as generalised anxiety when it isn't acknowledged and processed in a satisfactory way.

Hope this helps. I used to worry that I was never going to feel normal again either, or happy or any of that, and now I honestly feel better than before. I don't feel like I need to chase extremes anymore, or force things to be as good and fun as humanly possible by getting super stoned and whatever, going super extra. Things just flow now, and I am able to feel levels of pleasure and happiness I thought I could only get by going all out extra/manic. I'm more in tune with my body as well, instead of constantly living from the neck up.

/u/dinosaur_train is exactly right. Start conformity-proofing her now. I don't know of any specific book on how to prepare beautiful children for the social pressures and dangers they will face, but Reviving Ophelia is an excellent book on how our culture teaches girls to conform to feminine stereotypes starting at a very young age.

I'd also like to point out that the sort of attention your daughter will receive is the same thing your sister experienced, and it has obviously been detrimental to her. She's projecting her own experience on your daughter without even realizing it. It would be great to get her into short-term therapy with you in order to address this. Just a few sessions with a therapist would help her recognize what she's doing, and why.

Anyway, good luck with your beautiful child. The world is not going to be easy on her—even as it rewards her for the way she looks it will also punish her for it. She'll struggle to see herself as a person when the rest of the world sees her as an object. That's what your sister experienced, so have some compassion for her. She's being an idiot, but she comes by it honestly.

Sounds like he may have some issues with anxiety and lacking confidence, which wouldn't be surprising given how he's being treated at school. You may need to give him some more concrete strategies to try in different social situations, both dealing with the bullies and trying out new things, for him to feel more comfortable engaging. Talking to a counselor, especially a very goal-oriented, cognitive-behavioral type person, would probably be the best way to go about this; otherwise you might try going through a book with him like The Survival Guide for Making and Being Friends or Stick Up for Yourself. Maybe try framing it as an experiment - if I do X, will they do Y? And then that gives him a motivation to engage and see what happens when he tries out these strategies.

Also, you may have already tried this, but having kids over one-on-one can be a much easier dynamic than dealing with the complicated peer groups at school. Maybe help him identify one or two kids he doesn't know very well but who seem nice, and invite them over for some specific activity - make sure it's structured, like going to a movie or playing a particular video game or whatever, so it doesn't just turn into awkward sitting around. This will also give you a chance to observe from a distance and see if there's anything specific your son might need to be coached on, in terms of how he relates to other kids.

It sounds to me like you're overanalysing your life a lot. You just work on things as they come up. When you give a speech for work and realise it terrifies you, you take a course and work on that. If you run a business and you're afraid to put your name out there, you assess that. If you don't want to commit to a relationship, you assess why. It happens naturally throughout life - and you pick what you need to work on when you need to work on it.


To be honest, based on this post, it sounds like you're struggling a lot with perfection, and you need to be 'perfect' and to 'eliminate your flaws' to be of value in the world. This is a great start - to accept you as you, flaws and all.


I found two workbooks helpful - The Happiness Trap and The Self Confidence Workbook. Both were great and getting down to your core assumptions about yourself to challenge them.


I also found it really useful to talk to a therapist, because they both had an outside perspective and knew the specific details of my life. They were better at finding patterns that I couldn't see. It's hard on the internet without knowing you, or your goals, to give advice specifically.

The Following list is taken from the Witches & Warlocks FB page. (This is Christian Day's group)

Witches and Warlocks Recommended Reading List
This is a collection of books recommended by our admins and participants in the group. Books must be approved by the admins so if you'd like to see one added to the last, please post it in the comments at the bottom of this list and, if it's something we think is appropriate, we'll add it! We provide links to Amazon so folks can read more about the book but we encourage you to shop at your local occult shop whenever possible! :)


BEGINNER'S WITCHCRAFT BOOKS

Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft
by Raymond Buckland
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0875420508

Drawing Down the Moon: Witches, Druids, Goddess-Worshippers, and Other Pagans in America
by Margot Adler
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0143038192

Grimoire of the Thorn-Blooded Witch: Mastering the Five Arts of Old World Witchery
by Raven Grimassi
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578635500

The Inner Temple of Witchcraft: Magick, Meditation and Psychic Development
by Christopher Penczak
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738702765

The Kybalion: The Definitive Edition
by William Walker Atkinson (Three Initiates)
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1585428744

Lid Off the Cauldron: A Wicca Handbook
by Patricia Crowther
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1861630328

Mastering Witchcraft
by Paul Huson
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0595420060

Natural Magic
by Doreen Valiente
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0919345808

Natural Witchery: Intuitive, Personal & Practical Magick
by Ellen Dugan
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738709220

Old World Witchcraft: Ancient Ways for Modern Days
by Raven Grimassi
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578635055

The Outer Temple of Witchcraft: Circles, Spells and Rituals
by Christopher Penczak
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738705314

Power of the Witch: The Earth, the Moon, and the Magical Path to Enlightenment
by Laurie Cabot
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0385301898

Solitary Witch: The Ultimate Book of Shadows for the New Generation
by Silver RavenWolf
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738703192

Spirit of the Witch: Religion & Spirituality in Contemporary Witchcraft
by Raven Grimassi
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738703389

Witch: A Magickal Journey
by Fiona Horne
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0007121326

Witchcraft for Tomorrow
by Doreen Valiente
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0709052448

Witchcraft Today
by Gerald Gardner
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0806525932
The Witches' Craft: The Roots of Witchcraft & Magical Transformation
by Raven Grimassi
http://www.amazon.com/dp/073870265X
The Witching Way of the Hollow Hill
by Robin Artisson
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982031882

WITCHCRAFT HISTORY AND RESOURCE BOOKS

Aradia or The Gospel of the Witches
by Charles Godfrey Leland
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982432356

Encyclopedia of Mystics, Saints & Sages: A Guide to Asking for Protection, Wealth, Happiness, and Everything Else!
by Judika Illes
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0062009575

The Encyclopedia of Witches, Witchcraft and Wicca
by Rosemary Ellen Guiley
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0816071047

Etruscan Roman Remains
by Charles Godfrey Leland
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1494302519

The God of the Witches
by Margaret Murray
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0195012704

The Weiser Field Guide to Witches, The: From Hexes to Hermione Granger, From Salem to the Land of Oz
by Judika Illes
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578634792

ADVANCED BOOKS ON WITCHCRAFT AND MAGIC

Blood Sorcery Bible Volume 1: Rituals in Necromancy
by Sorceress Cagliastro
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1935150812

The Deep Heart of Witchcraft: Expanding the Core of Magickal Practice
by David Salisbury
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1780999208

Teen Spirit Wicca
by David Salisbury
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1782790594

Enchantment: The Witch's Art of Manipulation by Gesture, Gaze and Glamour
by Peter Paddon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1936922517

Initiation into Hermetics
by Franz Bardon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1885928122

Letters from the Devil's Forest: An Anthology of Writings on Traditional Witchcraft, Spiritual Ecology and Provenance Traditionalism
by Robin Artisson
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1500796360

Magical Use of Thought Forms: A Proven System of Mental & Spiritual Empowerment
by Dolores Ashcroft-Nowick and J.H. Brennan
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1567180841

Magick in Theory and Practice
by Aleister Crowley
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1500380679

The Plant Spirit Familiar
by Christopher Penczak
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982774311

Protection and Reversal Magick
by Jason Miller
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1564148793
Psychic Self-Defense
by Dion Fortune
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578635098
The Ritual Magic Workbook: A Practical Course of Self-Initiation
by Dolores Ashcroft-Norwicki
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578630452
The Roebuck in the Thicket: An Anthology of the Robert Cochrane Witchcraft Tradition
by Evan John Jones, Robert Cochrane and Michael Howard
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1861631553

The Satanic Witch
by Anton Szandor LaVey
http://www.amazon.com/Satanic-Witch-Anton-Szandor-LaVey/dp/0922915849
Shadow Magick Compendium: Exploring Darker Aspects of Magickal Spirituality
by Raven Digitalis
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003VS0N5K
The Tree of Enchantment: Ancient Wisdom and Magic Practices of the Faery Tradition
by Orion Foxwood
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578634075
The Underworld Initiation: A journey towards psychic transformation
by R.J. Stewart
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1892137038

HERBALISM, CANDLES, INCENSE, OILS, FORMULARIES, AND STONES

A Compendium of Herbal Magic
by Paul Beyerl
http://www.amazon.com/dp/091934545X

Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs
by Scott Cunningham
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0875421229

The Enchanted Candle: Crafting and Casting Magickal Light
by Lady Rhea
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0806525789

The Enchanted Formulary: Blending Magickal Oils for Love, Prosperity, and Healing
by Lady Maeve Rhea
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0806527048

Incense: Crafting and Use of Magickal Scents
by Carl F. Neal
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738703362

Magickal Formulary Spellbook Book 1
by Herman Slater
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0939708000

Magickal Formulary Spellbook: Book II
by Herman Slater
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0939708108


SPELLCASTING AND SPELLBOOKS
Crone's Book of Charms & Spells
by Valerie Worth
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1567188117

Crone's Book of Magical Words
by Valerie Worth
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1567188257

Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells
by Judika Illes
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061711233

Everyday Magic: Spells & Rituals for Modern Living
by Dorothy Morrison
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1567184693

Pure Magic: A Complete Course in Spellcasting
by Judika Illes
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578633915
Utterly Wicked: Curses, Hexes & Other Unsavory Notions
by Dorothy Morrison
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0979453313
The Voodoo Hoodoo Spellbook
by Denise Alvarado
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578635136

The Voodoo Doll Spellbook: A Compendium of Ancient and Contemporary Spells and Rituals
by Denise Alvarado
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1578635543


THE ANCESTORS AND WORKING WITH THE DEAD
The Cauldron of Memory: Retrieving Ancestral Knowledge & Wisdom
by Raven Grimassi
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738715751

The Mighty Dead
by Christopher Penczak
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982774370

Speak with the Dead: Seven Methods for Spirit Communication
by Konstantinos
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738705225
The Witches' Book of the Dead
by Christian Day
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1578635063
_____
TAROT

78 Degrees of Wisdom
by Rachel Pollack
http://www.amazon.com/dp/157863408

I've thought about teaching! It's definitely an option if I can't get into grad school. I'm not sure how qualified I would be, but I feel like that's a personal issue, you know? I feel so old and so young and I'm not sure I'm authoritative enough to actually teach people! It would be awesome though.

Psych is SO FREAKING COOL but the science-y parts were way over my head! I've thought about a masters in guidance counseling or something too, since I have a BA instead of a BS. I'm excited that you're going to be out there helping people in ways I can't! I've heard it's a tough (but rewarding!) job. If you haven't read them yet you should check out Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So: A Memoir and Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety. Those books completely altered my views on mental illness in a good way!

There are a bunch of "post-ac" blogs (although they tend to be humanities phds, so that's unfortunate) but it's nice to read about them. There is also a kindle book that came out about this very topic.

While, we are listing recommendations, here are other good resources:

www.versatilephd.com (you need to be affiliated with a subscribing university; many US research universities have subscriptions)

"So What are You going to do with that?" Finding careers outside of academia (book)


Moving on: Essays on the Aftermath of Leaving Academia (this is an ebook made by the people at How to Leave Academia).

Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So by Mark Vonnegut

Some other people who have done similar things:

BBC video about psychologist Rufus May who was diagnosed with schizophrenia and his work with a medical student who was hearing voices: https://vimeo.com/147827258

TED talk by psychologist Eleanor Longden who hears voices: https://youtu.be/syjEN3peCJw

Pacific Standard Magazine article about Professor Nev Jones who has also experienced psychosis. Helpful in revealing struggles students with mental health challenges can experience in academia: https://psmag.com/magazine/the-touch-of-madness-mental-health-schizophrenia

Ahmed Hankir writing about his experience with mental illness while working to become a psychiatrist: https://medium.com/inspire-the-mind/the-wounded-healer-harnessing-the-power-of-the-performing-arts-to-reduce-mental-health-related-cb519eb397cf

Psychologist Pat Deegan talking about carrying the diagnosis of schizophrenia: https://youtu.be/jhK-7DkWaKE

Mark Vonnegut a pediatrician, has written two books about his experience with psychosis. Here is one of them: 
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Someone-Without-Mental-Illness/dp/0385343809

Stephen Hinshaw put together an anthology with mental health professionals writing about their personal or family experiences with mental illness: https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Silence-Professionals-Disclose-Experiences/dp/0195320263

A number of people in my psychiatric nurse practitioner program had experienced mental health problems, and at least one faculty member shared about her experience with psychosis and depression. Take care of yourself and go for it!