(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best eating disorder books

>X-posting this from /xxfitness. I realize this is not the typical progress post seen here but I believe it will still be useful to some of you.
>
>
>Hello all.
>What you clicked for:
>
>
>
>These are 9 months apart. August 2015 125lbs in the first, couple weeks ago and 145lbs in the second. Not pictured is a mid-point around the holidays where I was 155+lbs at a higher body fat % and didn't want to take any photos of myself. I drew on some underwear because I like to hang out naked and I don't want to scandalize you.
>
>Here are some more of my current body but in a glamour light to show my baby muscles:
>Unflexed/Flexed
>Back/Upper Body
>
>I know that physically this may not be a dramatic transformation but mentally it has been a game-changer.
>
>
>
>Workout:
>I am currently on week 6 of Strong Curves Bootyful Beginnings
>+one day where I do 3x8-12 assisted wide and narrow grip pull ups, 3x10-20 Cable Crunches and 3x12-20 Captain's chair knee raises
>+1-2 days of running 2-3 miles
>I also do about an hour of walking as part of my typical day.
>
>Diet:
>Currently reverse dieting, still have not found my maintenance
>As of this week:
>2300 35c/25p/40f
>Trying to eat 100% clean but reality gets in the way so more like 80-90%
>
>Story Time
>I have always been slim but am not naturally as thin as the first photo, and I have been even thinner. When I was 17 I got scouted to model (The one terrible photo of me in high school that I could find), . After dropping 30+ lbs to meet the industry standard of 35" (or less) hips I worked all over the world both on the runway and in print. It was an amazing opportunity and I am generally so thankful for the experience, but it was not easy to maintain that body and it was not healthy. As someone who had never before done any dieting or exercise for weight loss, who was caught up in the excitement of a new world, it took me a while to realize just how unhealthy I had become. And by then I had already grounded myself in a world where even a half inch gain can negatively affect your income and reputation. I didn't count calories then but I would guess I probably averaged less that 1000 net calories/day. Less if it was show season. I would try to go as long as possible before eating, saving up calories for the evening when I was alone and then binging on whatever foods I deemed "safe".I tried my best to remain healthy within those parameters, but obviously it wasn't possible.
>
>Last summer, after a couple years off, I decided to get back into modeling. In my off time I had allowed myself to gain weight but still viewed my thinner days as ideal. I decided to drop the weight again. I had convinced myself, somehow, that the trouble I was having with maintaining a sample size body before was due to lack of discipline, and not my body fighting to sustain itself. I didn't manage to get quite as thin as before but I got close enough and signed to an agency and booked jobs. I liked being back in this industry, surrounded by wonderful, weird, creative and talented people. But I was starving again and doing tons of cardio, burning calories i didn't really have to spare. I was anxious, depressed and the feeling of failure within my job was spreading to all other parts of my life.
>
>I struggled to reconcile wanting to be healthy with wanting to fulfill my professional duties. I found support in reading other models' struggles with meeting the industry standards and I thought hard about what I want from life and I decided I wanted a life where I was happy. So I ate. And I freaked out as I gained weight. I went to castings and didn't fit into the clothes. But I kept going.
>
>I have only been lifting regularly for four months now. I am not runway thin and I am not ripped but I am stronger and happier than before and that's all that matters. My mood is more stable and positive, I sleep better. I am no longer binging and restricting regularly and craving food constantly. I don't say no to social interactions because I'm worried of being around food. Recently I've actually been struggling with eating ENOUGH to sustain my activity and muscle development (never thought I'd say that). But I am also conscious of not replacing my old bad habits with a new unhealthy obsessions and all-or-nothing, perfectionist mentality. My approach to fitness and nutrition is fluid and changing as I constantly absorb more information and test out new rep ranges, rest periods, macro splits and etc. I fully expect failures along the way.
>
>Instead of trying to push my body into a pre-conceived ideal shape I am taking healthy, balanced actions towards a healthier me and letting them shape my body in turn. I am very lucky to have the full support of my current agency in this. I am no longer a "straight" size, and certainly not "plus" which puts me in an odd place as a model. I don't know what this means for the future of my career and that's ok. I have thighs, my hips will never be straight and narrow, I had to rip an old dress open to free myself because my shoulders got stuck. And yes, shaving my armpits has gotten more difficult. But I'm building myself up instead of tearing myself down and that is so much more satisfying and rewarding :).
>
>TL;DR: eating, lifting, no couture shows on my horizon

>X-posting this from /xxfitness. I realize this is not the typical progress post seen here but I believe it will still be useful to some of you.
>
>
>Hello all.
>What you clicked for:
>
>
>
>These are 9 months apart. August 2015 125lbs in the first, couple weeks ago and 145lbs in the second. Not pictured is a mid-point around the holidays where I was 155+lbs at a higher body fat % and didn't want to take any photos of myself. I drew on some underwear because I like to hang out naked and I don't want to scandalize you.
>
>Here are some more of my current body but in a glamour light to show my baby muscles:
>Unflexed/Flexed
>Back/Upper Body
>
>I know that physically this may not be a dramatic transformation but mentally it has been a game-changer.
>
>
>
>Workout:
>I am currently on week 6 of Strong Curves Bootyful Beginnings
>+one day where I do 3x8-12 assisted wide and narrow grip pull ups, 3x10-20 Cable Crunches and 3x12-20 Captain's chair knee raises
>+1-2 days of running 2-3 miles
>I also do about an hour of walking as part of my typical day.
>
>Diet:
>Currently reverse dieting, still have not found my maintenance
>As of this week:
>2300 35c/25p/40f
>Trying to eat 100% clean but reality gets in the way so more like 80-90%
>
>Story Time
>I have always been slim but am not naturally as thin as the first photo, and I have been even thinner. When I was 17 I got scouted to model (The one terrible photo of me in high school that I could find), . After dropping 30+ lbs to meet the industry standard of 35" (or less) hips I worked all over the world both on the runway and in print. It was an amazing opportunity and I am generally so thankful for the experience, but it was not easy to maintain that body and it was not healthy. As someone who had never before done any dieting or exercise for weight loss, who was caught up in the excitement of a new world, it took me a while to realize just how unhealthy I had become. And by then I had already grounded myself in a world where even a half inch gain can negatively affect your income and reputation. I didn't count calories then but I would guess I probably averaged less that 1000 net calories/day. Less if it was show season. I would try to go as long as possible before eating, saving up calories for the evening when I was alone and then binging on whatever foods I deemed "safe".I tried my best to remain healthy within those parameters, but obviously it wasn't possible.
>
>Last summer, after a couple years off, I decided to get back into modeling. In my off time I had allowed myself to gain weight but still viewed my thinner days as ideal. I decided to drop the weight again. I had convinced myself, somehow, that the trouble I was having with maintaining a sample size body before was due to lack of discipline, and not my body fighting to sustain itself. I didn't manage to get quite as thin as before but I got close enough and signed to an agency and booked jobs. I liked being back in this industry, surrounded by wonderful, weird, creative and talented people. But I was starving again and doing tons of cardio, burning calories i didn't really have to spare. I was anxious, depressed and the feeling of failure within my job was spreading to all other parts of my life.
>
>I struggled to reconcile wanting to be healthy with wanting to fulfill my professional duties. I found support in reading other models' struggles with meeting the industry standards and I thought hard about what I want from life and I decided I wanted a life where I was happy. So I ate. And I freaked out as I gained weight. I went to castings and didn't fit into the clothes. But I kept going.
>
>I have only been lifting regularly for four months now. I am not runway thin and I am not ripped but I am stronger and happier than before and that's all that matters. My mood is more stable and positive, I sleep better. I am no longer binging and restricting regularly and craving food constantly. I don't say no to social interactions because I'm worried of being around food. Recently I've actually been struggling with eating ENOUGH to sustain my activity and muscle development (never thought I'd say that). But I am also conscious of not replacing my old bad habits with a new unhealthy obsessions and all-or-nothing, perfectionist mentality. My approach to fitness and nutrition is fluid and changing as I constantly absorb more information and test out new rep ranges, rest periods, macro splits and etc. I fully expect failures along the way.
>
>Instead of trying to push my body into a pre-conceived ideal shape I am taking healthy, balanced actions towards a healthier me and letting them shape my body in turn. I am very lucky to have the full support of my current agency in this. I am no longer a "straight" size, and certainly not "plus" which puts me in an odd place as a model. I don't know what this means for the future of my career and that's ok. I have thighs, my hips will never be straight and narrow, I had to rip an old dress open to free myself because my shoulders got stuck. And yes, shaving my armpits has gotten more difficult. But I'm building myself up instead of tearing myself down and that is so much more satisfying and rewarding :).
>
>TL;DR: eating, lifting, no couture shows on my horizon

I'm in recovery from bulimia. It started almost casually in late high school/throughout college. If I felt over full, I'd get rid of it. Simple fix.

Of course over a decade or so it grew in intensity. I moved from, "whoops, ate too much" to planning trips to the buffet specifically to gorge. I loved that empty, in-control feeling after purging. But in the back of my mind I knew it was always wrong. I was sick. That was the simple truth.

I met the man of my dreams and got married and made babies. Back to back pregnancies had me eating whatever without guilt without the ability to purge so of course I gained.

Once I was a homemaker with a baby and toddler and husband gone all day, it was all of a sudden possible again. I began purging.

I knew I needed to change when I had to put the kids in their cribs while I purged in my bathroom because I began greying over every time. I was killing myself. And I didn't want to. The steps to my recovery looked kind of like this:

1. Fess up to this to my loved one. This sickness was fueled by secrecy. It belonged to me and me alone. When I knew I needed to change to live for my kids, I told my husband everything. How I did it, why. My trigger foods/restaurants/situations. I gave him all my secrets so I'd have a battle buddy. He began watching me like a hawk. That was a good thing.
   
   
2. I spoke with my therapist about it. I worked through it with her and talking with a professional helped give me tools for my recovery toolbox.
   
   
3. I used this workbook. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572243260/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1502445860&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=bulimia+a+guide+to+recovery&dpPl=1&dpID=41h61TqotxL&ref=plSrch
   
   
4. Step 1 in terms of actual eating was stopping purging. I ate what I wanted but I did not allow myself to purge. I had to live with that sick full feeling if I over ate. This in itself was the first step to regulating to proper portions.
   
   
5. If I felt like I could not control the urge, I'd go tell my battle buddy. He'd walk my through tips from my counselor and encourage me to work through it by walking or shopping or whatever kept me from vomiting one more time.
   
   
6. After a year of simply eating without purging, seeing a counselor, and feeling great about the situation, I began to explore losing the weight gained from having kids and over eating. Again with the support of friends and family, I got started.
   
   
7. Step 2 in eating for weight loss was to log every little thing I ate into My Fitness Pal. Without judgement, without restriction. I was just holding myself accountable. Just. Log.
   
   
8. A funny thing happens when logging your food. You recognize that you can have this one kind of burger versus this other kind and save 200 calories. Or hey! I love both of these soups, but one is 150 cal and the other is 300 so I'll get the lighter! I began making smarter options while I logged....logged....logged. I started to work towards eating less calories.
   
   
9. I found this subreddit and finally understood the science and math in weight loss. THIS was the control over my body and weight I was seeking all along. I plugged in my height/weight/age numbers to get my TDEE and realized that ANY day I ate less than that number I was losing weight. I gave myself a range of calories instead of an exact pinpoint for each day. I began to eat between 1000-1400 calories a day.
   
   
10. It took my 9 months to lose 65 lbs. I ate in my calorie range 90% of the time. I didn't restrict my food choices at all. I didn't go vegan or keto, no crazy rules. I logged everything. If I ate fast food, I made it fit into my day. If I wanted a slice of pizza, I had it. I did start cooking much more at home with lots of clean ingredients. If I went over one day? Whoops. Tomorrow is another shot. Imagine waking up each morning with $1400 newin your bank account. You can spend as much of it as you want on whatever you want. You don't have to spend it all because tomorrow you get more. This is my body's food bank. And logging allows me to track how much of that "money" I've spent so I don't go over. Weigh yourself once a week on the same day at the same time of day naked. Log that number. I also measure once every two weeks. These numbers will give you a great reference point to progress but they're nothing more. They don't state of you're a good person. If you are kind or smart. It's just raw data. Log it into MFP and move on with your day.
    
    
11. I've officially taken away the emotion of weight, of food, of my body. It now lies in the hands of math. Calories in. Calories out. If I want to adjust my size either way, I do it by numbers, not by torturing my body and mind. Find beauty in the science of it all. You can lose weight. It is in your control. There's nothing stopping you from doing so except what you're eating.
    
    
12. Lean into this community here. There are bumps along the way and these fine folks are great support.
    
    I've logged about 580 days now. It's fast, easy. Like keeping tabs on my bank account. I've maintained at my goal weight for almost a year now. If I think back to being wrapped around a cold toilet bowl alone and crying and so fucking disappointed in myself, I wish I could have given that girl the tools I have now: Food diary. CICO. Know your TDEE and deficit range. Move your body because it makes you feel incredible. And the power of baby steps. One day of not purging at a time. One secret unveiled. One moment of loving the imperfect version of me.
    
    Because even now at my goal weight I'm not perfect. I never will be.
    
    And that's okay by me.

I'm a diagnosed ADHD person and in typical fashion, I haven't finished Your Life Can Be Better yet. It's chock-full of tips for folks with ADHD to learn how to person more effectively. However, I've already gotten a couple of great tips out of what little I've read, and I recommend checking it out. Here are those tips and a few others.

1. Remember that tasks =\= projects. YMMV, but generally projects would take more than 30 minutes to do.
   
2. Break projects up into the tiniest tasks. This should result in a long list. (Step 1, make a list of tasks. Step 2, open Microsoft Word. Etc.) Doing this will help you find your starting place, make larger tasks and projects seem less overwhelming, and hopefully help you prioritize what needs to be done in order to make the big projects happen.
   
3. Hide 95% of that list you just made from yourself. Keep it out of your sight. Otherwise, your brain will get overwhelmed by the super long list, and it'll feel like you have an unbearable amount of work to do, which defeats the purpose of breaking things down in the first place!
   
4. Only look at the next 3ish things you need to do.
   
5. Bonus: Make one of those 3 things something you've already started doing. (Step, 1, make a list of tasks. Oh snap, you're basically done with that one already!)
   
6. Keep things in ONE system that will be readily accessible to you. I use Wunderlist as a sort of task warehouse, but my Inbox (first list I see when I log in) only has 1-3 items in it at any given time. The rest are just dumped in whatever sub-list I want them to be in, and when I need to work on Area of Life X, I go to that task list and pull out a couple of things.
   
7. Don't try to force your brain to work on stuff when all you can do is stare at a blank Word document and wish you could be a person who just gets shit done. (Also, very few people "just get shit done.") Really give yourself permission to take breaks.
   
8. This book is about why diets don't work but also about so many other things, and one of my biggest takeaways has been that you can't berate yourself into self-improvement and "you can't hate yourself into happiness." It's okay to seek structure since that seems to help you, but don't let it come at the cost of ignoring your needs and not embracing the things about yourself that are worthwhile and important and have absolutely nothing to do with turning papers in on time.
   
9. Encourage yourself the way you would encourage a friend. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love and adore. Hopefully you are someone you love, but if not, this is a good way to start working on it.
   
10. Housekeeping stuff you may or may not already know: Talk to professionals and seek diagnosis if that is right for you. If you are diagnosed, consider talking to your campus disability services office about possible accommodations. Regardless, keep open lines of communication with your professors. They want you to succeed and may surprise you with how understanding they can be.

I haven't read this before, but it looks good. I found the PDF manifesto and kindle ebook, it's only $1.80, so I'll read that for sure.

>I'll promise to eat regularly next time I'm manic if you will

I'm pretty much hypomanic right now, I've been hypomanic to manic for the past several months, which has been ... crazy. Much better than being depressed, however, since I'm usually the euphoric manic type, so it basically feels like I'm on coke all the time, which is not a bad thing.. especially as a former coke addict, I feel like I'm high without having to spend the money. I take a lot of supplements and /r/Nootropics so that has a lot to do with it. I'm off all psych meds and have been doing very well by using meditation and other techniques to keep my emotions under control. I am well aware of my triggers and always try to stay conscious of my state of mind and emotions. It seems to me that this is a big problem with bipolar people, they are too closely identified with their emotions. Eckhart Tolle has helped me a lot in this regard, to be more watchful of my own state of mind rather than identifying my own sense of self as my emotions, I identify as being in a a higher state of consciousness, I am that who observes my own life as it unfolds. This has helped me tremendously. I have a history of being a psychonaut, any my past use of psychedelics and entheogens has helped me tremendously, it is now a part of who I am and I'm grateful for what I have learned. I think it's pretty obvious to you now that I'm at least currently hypomanic/borderline manic. But I'm OK, really. It's Sunday, I don't have any stress, anxiety, etc. I'm just happy, really happy, honestly. This is my day off. However, when I'm at work, that's a whole different ball game. That is what I'm trying to work on, and you have helped me today, so thank you!

>yes.. you caught me.. i'm secretly you .. or possibly a talking cricket. :P

This is especially funny to me, because I actually believe that we are all just facets of the same ONE consciousness. ;-P

If you want to read something that I wrote recently, that I find personally mind-blowing, check this out:
http://www.reddit.com/r/DebateAChristian/comments/qkf7m/what_is_your_strongest_arguments_1_that_the/c3z27o8

The binge purge cycle is totally detrimental. That's something I deal with as well. I'm not technically bulimic, but it's the closest clinical term.

I have also used laxatives as a tool for losing weight (we don't keep them in the house anymore). Not only is it extremely dangerous for all the reasons you listed, but the laxatives also become less and less effective over time. My issues came when I could no longer actually have normal bowel movements, even with a large dose of the laxatives.

It was an incredibly embarrassing situation that I don't ever talk about. I put my body in so much jeopardy. I'm sure that it impacts my ability to lose weight now, too.

I also deal with dysmorphia (the clinical term for distorted body image). I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that what my head sees and what the mirror shows and what pictures show rarely match. I also have the added bonus of a weird weight distribution. I'm one of those people that when someone hears how much I weigh they say, "that CAN'T be true!!!" and I'm like, "bitch come over here and I'll show you..." According to BMI (which I do realize is not a great measurement, but does provide a benchmark) I am obese. I ran a marathon 26 days ago, though.

Agh, I also can't remember where I was going with this.

Give your wife a hug. Let her know she's not alone. Let her know that you're so glad she's getting help and that you're proud of her for being strong today.

I definitely recommend that you get a good night's sleep. That will help the world seem a little brighter <3

As for reading material, Food: The Good Girl's Drug is the book I had my mom read to help better understand where I was. It's a little playful, but it covers some of the distorted thinking and patterns that you likely see in your wife.

I wish you the best of luck. <3

There's a lot of books out there. There's brain over binge, which is frequently recommended, but I'm also a food-soother and I didn't really find that it helped me overcome my desire to sooth myself that way... because I didn't know how else to sooth! It does help with impulsive binges, though. If your kitkat habit is a more of an impulse than a way of numbing your feelings, Brain Over Binge will probably give you more insight.

Right now I'm reading The Emotional Eater's Repair Manual and I think it's a pretty good start in exploring different ways to soothe. For example, I hadn't really put much thought into "checking in" with myself throughout the day to just see where I am emotionally, but the book touches on how to do it and the benefits. From what I can read, its pretty decent!

If you want something thats maybe less of a self-help book but a look at someone that has overcome the urge to eat their heart out: It Was Me All Along is a fantastic book. Very relatable and I thought it was a great read!

Thanks for the kind words.

I would heartily reccomend that you educate yourself on metabolic damage.

The best source I've found on this, bar none, has been Matt Stone from 180degree health.

I was on board with you the first couple of times we went through recovery. Up those calories slowly and let your body acclimate.

The problem is that your body won't fix metabolic damage like that.

Here are a couple of articles that you will, undoubtedly find difficult, but have been instrumental in helping my wife overcome her ED:

I need how many calories ?!?!?

and

MinnieMaue guide to recovery

Additionally, the #1 thing you can do is find support. Your chances of successful recovery without significant repalse are over 1000% better (not made up) with stable support. I understand that it's terribly frightening and difficult to talk with friends or family about this, but you really could use someone in your corner. Someone who can help you differentiate between the times the ED is talking to you and when you're actually talking to yourself.

I'm that for my wife and I can tell you that I really didn't truly understand or appreciate what she was going through until I read Brave Girl Eating by harriet brown. I understand you're a university student and money may be tight, so if you want a copy and can't afford one, PM me and my wife and I will be happy to send you a copy :)

I'm not going to post how many calories my wife had to consume publically because I think she frequents this sub (and I'm not going to post what she eats NOW, after reversing metabolic damage), but feel free to PM me for details about her recovery process, what we went through, pitfalls we experienced, and anything else you'd like to know.

*edit:

Also, the single best thing you can do for yourself today is to throw away your scales. Any and all of them, body weight scale, food scale, the works. There is nothing that is so destructively triggering as someone with an ED looking at numbers on a scale. Remember, those numbers are meaningless. If they made a scale that read "Healthy" instead of having 3 digits, I'd be all for it. But until then, chuck them!

Oh my god, same tbh. Like yesterday I just… inhaled a bunch of grapes, and did so today for breakfast, and then went back for other stuff that I normally never would’ve.

On one hand, part of me is like ‘oh no I’ve flipped around and I’m binging out and this is terrible and I’ll never be normal again’ but I think one thing that is helping is like I’m trying this based on stuff that was in the Fuck it Diet book where it… actually outlines feeling precisely this way, and takes you through it in terms of why you’re reacting like that and what’s going on mentally.

While I don’t necessarily agree with everything in the book - and in fact, disagree pretty hard with some areas - the parts where it describes like - basically thinking of it as if your body has been NOT eating for a while and on that level doesn’t KNOW that the food supply it now has access to isn’t going to suddenly stop again (i.e. you’ve been putting your body through an artificial famine) it’s just going to overload on things.

So what she suggests is just to give in to it, to kind of like - not forever - let yourself reassure your body that food is going to be there, that it doesn’t HAVE to be anxious, that you CAN have it if you want it, and to think of that as the first step of recovery. Only after that initial reassurance is there on a very subconscious level (and I know in my case, it definitely isn’t yet) can you start to actually return to some kind of normalcy.

That’s why I’m treating the way I just am craving fucking everything as a chance to like just sit back and log exactly what it is I’m craving and in a way trying to enjoy or go with it. Like, what DO I want? How is my mood affecting me? Was this worth it? Did I enjoy it as much as I expected? And seeing it as part of a process and letting it take as long as it needs, mostly.

There were two angles that specifically helped me get a foothold in the whole body acceptance thing: individual stories that didn't feel too preachy and studies/analysis of women's body image on a societal level. Basically, writing that was more practical and useful than fluffy, often grating "Love yourself!" type campaigns.

It basically started when I took a Gender and Society class that had a great unit on body image. I did some more reading on the subject independently after that, and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies had a big impact on me, since it breaks down lots of possible reasons behind food and weight obsession with an eye toward cultural influence. It's also full of practical strategies for learning how to eat like a healthy person, which I needed quite a lot.

Then there are the personal stories, and those are great for me in blog form to read on the regular. Lesley Kinzel (who writes at xoJane and has a book, Two Whole Cakes) is my personal favorite. Writing like hers and scrolling through plus-size fashion blogs is a kind of exposure therapy for me. I was so afraid of fat for so long, but I can only read/see so many women being simultaneously fat and happy before it sinks in and I have to question my beliefs about weight. As viscerally true as it can feel sometimes, gaining or failing to lose weight won't sentence me to a life of misery. It's a big shift to accept that as true, since that was the root of body image issues for me: fat=miserable and alone. Obviously, it isn't that simple. So I pull that thinking apart and question it hard, and the body positive blogs are really useful for that. But I don't like reading anything that's telling me that I have to feel one way or another, even in the positive "love yourself!" way, so it helps to hear it demonstrated through the experiences of someone else. Way less preachy and more practical.

See a therapist. They can help you not only sort out some of the shit in your life, or at least help you learn how to deal with it, but help you learn to separate food from your emotions and develop a healthy relationship with food. Seeing one who specializes in eating disorders/weight issues may be particularly helpful. If you can't afford a therapist, try checking with your city council for programs that provide these types of services for no or low-cost. Other options include support groups and self-help books designed to teach you about healthy eating in a mental health context, such as this one.

You know what you need to do, but it seems like other things going on in your life are (rightfully) taking more attention than slimming down. I think it's really, really important that you deal with those issues first or at the same time as dealing with your weight.

Good luck to you!

So here's what you do:

Get her one of these, they're grip strength trainers and you can get her one for about $4$8 or a pack of them for $10$20 (sorry, they've raised their prices). They're especially good for rock climbers but make great tools for working out in the car or at the office.

Then, get her a used copy of a book on sizism or which serves to humanize the kind of people she mindlessly hates. Two easy to read but good young adult novels are "Fat Kid Rules the World," by K. L. Going (which Matthew Lilliard has made into a film, partially because of its punk environment) and "Big Fat Manifesto" by Susan Vaught (this one has a female protagonist). Another good choice would be "Fat: The Anthropology of an Obsession" by Don Kulick. This one is more for adults and might be slightly more academic. You can get all of these for less than $2 apiece on Amazon, and you may even help to diminish some hate in this world. Good luck!

[Edit]: If you are really against pointing out someone's faults through an anonymous gift exchange, you could also get her a fitness book like The New Rules of Lifting for Women, which is highly recommended for female fitness geeks, especially if she doesn't yet lift weights.

Sounds to me like you may need to do some research until you find the right doctor. You could always find someone to see for therapy first (At least in my area it's pretty common for people who administer therapy to have a masters in social work and they aren't authorized to prescribe meds) and then once you find someone you jive with have them recommend a psychiatrist who fits with the treatment approach if you/they feel like you need meds. As someone who's gone to therapy for awhile (7 years? I've lost count) I can definitely agree that all mental health professionals aren't created equal. And it's definitely true that there are people out there who seem to be catering to patients who just want to take a pill and get it fixed. But my current therapist and a past therapist I had before I moved are amazing and I definitely wouldn't be here without them. I do take anti-anxiety meds at times since I find it helps moderate things so I emotionally don't fall as far, but most of my hard work has been in therapy. Some of the techniques they use are replicated in books if you wanted to work through it on your own. (The Food and Feelings Workbook is the best one I've found.) But I do find that my therapist can be helpful in introducing new perspectives I might not have thought through on my own. You also may like the book Starting Monday because it deals with some of the thought patterns you mention above and how to reverse those thoughts.

I'm the father of a 15 year old daughter who has been in AN treatment since she was 9. She's been in individual therapy, iop, partial, residential, and inpatient through a program where I live (not Emily program). It can indeed feel overwhelming. Personally, I found the the most important things to remember were:

1. She's still your daughter. Love her, no matter what
   
   
2. Your daughter is ill. She is not just being stubborn, or rebellious. She needs help.
   
   
3. Her care team has a lot of experience with this. Work with them. Don't be afraid to ask questions.
   
   
4. Look for, and cherish all improvements, no matter how small.
   
   
5. Take care of yourself. It's not a sign of weakness if you need help getting through this yourself
   
   
6. It's not your fault she has an eating disorder
   
   You don't mention which ED she has. These are a couple of books I really liked. Obviously AN-oriented.
   
   Brave Girl Eating: A Family's Struggle with Anorexia - by Harriet Brown
   
   Decoding Anorexa - How Breakthroughs in Science Offer Hope for Eating Disorders by Carrie Arnold
   
   The folks at Emily Program can recommend others. Learn as much as you can.
   
   
   Never give up hope.
   
   
   Feel free to pm me

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate you taking the time to provide me with information and share your story!

​

This must be so challenging and frustrating for both you and your step son. My initial thought was along the lines of waiting until he was hungry, but we need to get more creative. In my research I found some books you might be interested in:

​

- Food Chaining Book

- Picky Eating

​

This dietitian specializes in ASD: https://www.jennyfriedmannutrition.com/

I don't know her at all but her Instagram is fabulous and she has an inexpensive eBook.

First of all, congratulations on taking healthy and positive steps in your life. 49 pounds lost is excellent!

I want to throw something out there that I haven't really seen on Reddit. I'm a 27 year old woman who's had weight and food issues since I was about 8 or 9. My biggest problems haven't been a lack of self-control or willpower. Contrary to what a lot of people say, for some people--myself included, willpower is just not the key to permanently losing weight. Again, for some people, it's really about why we eat, what we eat, and how we eat.

This might be presumptuous, since I don't know where the root of your weight and weight loss lies. Maybe you have no food weirdness, maybe your metabolism's changed, whatever. But if for you, food and weight are a way to confront (or more accurately, avoid confronting) more personal issues, I would highly, highly recommend these two books:

• Fat Is A Feminist Issue, by Susie Orbach
  
  
  
• Feeding the Hungry Heart, by Geneen Roth
  
  
  Even if you don't have issues with compulsive or emotional eating, reading one or both of these books can be really instrumental in understanding why some people, particularly women, become overweight. Orbach's book in particular really shone a light on why I eat the way I do.
  
  Sometimes being fat isn't simply a matter of eating junk food and being lazy. I mean, yeah, that's part of it, but I get the impression that for you, weight is a deeply personal and emotional issue. If you want to keep the weight off, you'll need to realize that, whether you weigh 282 lbs. or 233 lbs. or 133 lbs., you are always the same person. You're not "better" or "worse." Healthier and more comfortable, sure. But you're still you. :)

Hi! I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I want to recommend a recipe book written by a dietician and a woman in recovery. I haven't read it myself but it has great reviews. :)

https://www.amazon.com/Food-Eat-hopeful-disorder-recovery/dp/1480083461

I'm...working on it. I went to therapy last year for it and the first therapist I saw told me that with what I told her, I really needed to get on medication or I would never take control of it. I did not like that, so I found someone else that would be interested in working with me and doing cognitive behavioral therapy. I didn't want to get on medication and just call it a day. I wanted to learn coping skills and add tools to my mental toolbox to help me break down my cycles of binging.

After I got with another therapist, I was assigned a book -
https://www.amazon.com/Relaxation-Reduction-Workbook-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572245492

And I also got this one - https://www.amazon.com/Binge-Eating-Compulsive-Overeating-Workbook/dp/1572245913

Brain Over Binge is recommended here quite often, but I haven't read that one.

As for recovery? Well, as I said before, I'm still working on it. Currently I am 5 days binge free. My longest streak so far has been about 65 days and I'm proud of that. Am I going to slip up again in the future? Maybe. Am I going to binge today? No. That's the important part. I'm not going to binge today and tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and do it all over again.

Another user on this sub posted that the book Brain Over Binge cured her bingeing, and I was feeling very desperate like you sound here, so I bought the book immediately. I got it on Kindle so I started reading it right away, and I couldn't stop reading. I'm almost done with it, and it's already helped stop a binge for me twice.

I've been trying to find the post I saw the comment in so I can thank the person who posted it, because I honestly feel "cured" right now. It's only been 2 days so of course I don't know if I am but I feel very positive.

Here's a link to in on Amazon for anyone interested: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01AZQJ1D0

If you want to use a book as a jumping off point (because seeing a psychologist will help more) the "Feeling good about the way you look" book has the most reputable author who would be the best authority of cognitive behavioral therapy. This is as a psychology student in training and not someone who has read the books and can speak from experience. I would also look into these:
http://www.amazon.com/Living-Your-Body-Other-Things-ebook/dp/B00HMFL1IQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1421641211&sr=8-2&keywords=act+for+body+dysmorphic+disorder&pebp=1421641242762&peasin=B00HMFL1IQ
http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Body-Dysmorphic-Disorder-Behavioral/dp/1608821498/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421641211&sr=8-1&keywords=act+for+body+dysmorphic+disorder&pebp=1421641288919&peasin=1608821498

Ideally, your treatment team gave you dietary guidelines and you are still working with a therapist and/or nutritionist who can help you set ups meal plans.

Hopefully helpful links:

How to eat.

Recovery meal plan

Food to eat --just double recipes, and Drop the diet by the same people.

Process of recovery.

Adding more calories

Do not feel ashamed of this. More people struggle with selective eating than you realize.

Maybe this workbook can help:

https://www.amazon.com/Conquer-Picky-Eating-Teens-Adults/dp/1986385930/ref=asc_df_1986385930/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=316651574325&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16234498011871383615&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9029705&hvtargid=pla-516358702954&psc=1

I read their book for parents of extremely picky eaters (ARFID or SED) and thought it was worthwhile.

Good luck!! I think you’re already ahead of the game by being willing to work on this at the MTC and being open with your mission president.

Academic/bodybuilder here.

Must Read: Paul Morrison's essay "Muscles" in this book: http://www.amazon.com/Explanation-Everything-Essays-Subjectivity-Cultures/dp/0814756743/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453961661&sr=1-1&keywords=the+explanation+for+everything+morrison

"Sportsex:" http://www.temple.edu/tempress/titles/1571_reg.html

Below find some other titles that might be of interest to you, just from poking around. The fat studies volumes will have a lot of citations that direct you to sources with statistics and qualitative analyses of benefits that those who are normatively attractive receive that fat people do not.

http://www.amazon.com/Handbook-Sports-Studies-Jay-Coakley/dp/0761949496/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453961740&sr=1-3&keywords=Sexing+the+Athlete

http://www.amazon.com/Handbook-Sports-Studies-Jay-Coakley/dp/0761949496/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453961715&sr=1-3&keywords=Sexing+the+Athlete

http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Anthropology-Obsession-Don-Kulick/dp/1585423866/ref=pd_sim_14_3?ie=UTF8&dpID=41aO9pm4UnL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR105%2C160_&refRID=1FEQQPNTHTKQNR8C432B

http://www.amazon.com/The-Studies-Reader-Esther-Rothblum/dp/0814776310

http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Shame-Stigma-American-Culture/dp/0814727697/ref=pd_bxgy_14_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0QZSPEB6ZP13399RS2DC

http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Key-Concepts/dp/1845205901/ref=pd_sim_14_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=31xCL-of-wL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR107%2C160_&refRID=1FEQQPNTHTKQNR8C432B

My nutritionist recommended Embody by Connie Sobczak. It REALLY helped me begin to let go of achieving the "perfect" body. I honestly give it credit for the amount of progress I've made regarding having a healthier outlook on eating/exercising.

https://www.amazon.com/embody-Learning-Unique-quiet-critical/dp/0936077808

Good luck on your journey. This is a good book for working on your relationship with food. https://www.amazon.com/Food-Feelings-Workbook-Course-Emotional/dp/0936077204/ref=zg_bs_282911_28?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=XDKGNFRQYP1DPHZMJ7FA

Bibliophile. Taking this picture made me realize how badly I need to clean and re-organize that shelf. Anyway. That top row is DVDs, so disregard that. Next is true crime books (I'm a major true crime junkie), and the bottom row is anything that isn't true crime. I used to have a ton more books, but I think a lot are at my moms, or lost to various moves over the years.

As far as recommendations, I love Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. It's a very good but heavy read.

A great book that's helped me recently has been this: http://www.amazon.com/Food-Girls-Using-Control-Feelings/dp/0425239039. It's Food: The Good Girl's Drug. It helped cement in my head that what I was doing was actually disordered eating and not just laziness, and helped me sort through my thought process.

Yeah, it does seem pricey. :( But it might be an option for the future.

Do you have access to a therapist? Maybe it would help to talk to someone about this issue and body acceptance. And I've heard good things about this book.

Everybody read this book it is the fatlogic reddit in book form, except nicer and everything is on one place.

I find it incredibly motivating.

I'm going to recommend the book Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder to you. It has helped so much with my issues and I think it could be helpful to you. Please, if you can afford it, go see a therapist who can do CBT with you. Admitting you need help is not something to be ashamed of, and therapists will not judge you.

I wonder if you and your husband would be interested in doing something together.

Go to Amazon (or your favorite book site) and search for: binge eating disorder workbook

and look through the results and see what might be a good fit for you. Buy two copies -- physical copies with paper pages that you can write on. Make sure it's a workbook that asks you questions and makes you work through your answers. This book is an example of a book that you write your answers in. I haven't tried any of these personally, so you'll have to choose on your own.

You and husband together do two chapters each week. Share your answers. Bring him on the inside of your secrecy veil. Turn off the shame -- this is a disorder and it's fixable, it's not a moral/ethical failing or make you a bad person. So shame/guilt is misplaced, but you do have work to do and without therapy options then you are your own therapy.

Talk through the questions. Share openly. He's your husband, he's an intimate. He isn't a therapist and he will do things that therapists shouldn't -- and you'll both have to muddle through that. But if you think you can do it, this is an option.

As someone who has a bit of a history with EDs, I was starting to read Marya Hornbacher's [Wasted] (http://www.amazon.com/Wasted-Memoir-Anorexia-Bulimia-P-S/dp/B003JTHRBO) when I came across the following quote. I totally changed my perspective on why EDs are more common today, why I had my run with it, and that being someone obsessed with basically making myself disappear wasn't healthy in any way. Also that I was stronger than that; my value has to do with who I am, not my waist measurements. It just really got me thinking.

Here's the quote:

"That is, to me, a far cry better than once upon a time, when it and I shared a bed, a brain, a body, when my sense of worth was entirely contingent upon my ability to starve. A strange equation, and an altogether too-common belief: One's worth is exponentially increased with one's incremental disappearance."

Conquering Fatlogic by Nadja Hermann is the thing you want. It's basically /r/fatlogic in book form (she posted here a few years ago). Also great to give other people to get them started in the right direction.

I got a lot of help from Geneen Roth's book on emotional eating. At one point in her journey through compulsive overeating and other eating disorders she decided to stop dieting and literally eat what she wanted, but also really paying attention to what she really wanted and how she felt before, during and after.

I did that. For several years I just ate what I wanted, but paid attention to how I felt. Just like Geneen Roth, I got a little fatter at first. But I also started making some major changes in my life. I realized that I was exhausted. I went to the doctor. I got treated for an underlying health issue. I began to be able to recognize the difference between being tired, hungry, bored or maybe a little nutrient deprived. So I lost some weight without even really trying.

Then I found keto. And the good news is that I could really do keto well. I could tell when I was getting low on electrolytes (actually just ate a pickle for that very reason) or dehydrated or maybe needed to look at adding a bit more fat. I do use myfitnesspal off and on to make sure that I am on track.

I think that it would be very possible to do keto and do mindful eating at the same time. There are some good always/sometimes/never lists of keto foods that might be helpful if you aren't wanting to track macros or calories or really even track anything.

My personal experience (while using myfitnesspal) is that it is very difficult for me personally to go over 30g of carb if I stick to low carb foods (including lower carb veg and fruits like raspberries) if I drop dairy and artificial sweeteners. That is my personal experience, YMMV. It's mainly because I can't make my fav keto bakery items and coffee drinks that can sometimes get a little out of hand (I'm looking at you almond flour and heavy cream). And I think I have better satiety with meat, veg and fruit. And I won't eat large amounts of fruit without sweetener. I am tiny woman (under 5 feet) that has a slower metabolism than average and typically eat under 1200 calories a day. I don't think most people would need to have the same restrictions that I do to do well on lazy keto.

I have found that keto keeps my blood sugar more stable which has REALLY helped with cravings.

Here is the first Geneen Roth book I read. I think it is her most popular. Been around for about 20 years.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Hungry-Heart-Experience-Compulsive/dp/0452270839/ref=la_B000APDO9O_1_5/185-2542681-4004641?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1463429219&sr=1-5

Edit to add: I also realized (from doing the Geneen Roth mindful stuff) that life is too short for crappy meals. I live large on keto. Crab cakes, steaks in butter, cheesecake, garlic pork roast with ratatouille, bbq chicken and ribs, pulled pork, chocolate truffles (disclaimer - I am chocolatier by trade). Right now I am snacking on a bag of those parmesan cheese crisps. At $3.99 a bag, they are more expensive than Doritos, but I am soooo worth it.

Here's the original source text on HAES to get you started. The Kindle edition is only $1.99. And it's a really engaging read.

Not saying your kid is a picky eater, but this is a great book on feeding kids: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/162625110X/ It's a totally down to earth guide on children and food; removes all the stress from the parents. A lot of kids get stuck in ruts on they only want certain foods or it has to be in certain containers, or parents are forcing kids to "just try one bite" etc. anyway, I could go on and on. It's written by a speech language pathologist and a family doctor who both specialize in feeding issues.

Or it could be because your kid likes to talk at meals. :D

If you're using it as a coping mechanism, you need to replace it with a new coping mechanism. CBT can be really helpful. There are some workbooks available for you to go through on your own (if you don't have access to a therapist), this one is on amazon

You've got about 2 weeks with no food intake before your body starts cannibalizing its own muscle, if you are moving around a little each day (basic resistance training.)

Before that, your body is going to first exhaust its stores of glycogen, then switch over to fat (aka ketosis aka what the people doing keto are trying to accomplish.)

But after about two weeks with no calorie intake at all, your body's protein supplies are exhausted, and in order to keep the organs going, your body will begin to dissolve essential tissues like bone and muscle. (You can always rebuild those in better times - if you stay alive. Body knows its priorities.)

Anyway TL;DR: You've got two weeks on a desert island where you'll only lose fat first. After that, better go full Castaway and start eating raw shellfish if nothing else.

(Source: Conquering Fat Logic. It's a good book. )

A book that really helped me is "Food: The good girls drug"

https://www.amazon.com/Food-Girls-Using-Control-Feelings/dp/0425239039

> "two whole cakes-lessons from the fat o sphere"
>
> That is a book!?

That is two books, actually. Truthfully, "book" might be a generous description - they appear to essentially be collections of blog posts rendered in hard copy, in order to swindle fat people who want reassurance that nothing is wrong with them, that fat is healthy, that they don't have to lose weight, that doctors are bad and wrong about obesity, and so on.

http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Fat-sphere-Dieting-Declare/dp/0399534970

http://www.amazon.com/Two-Whole-Cakes-Dieting-Learn/dp/1558617930

Quite sure that it is "Conquering Fat Logic"

Also, if you're not ready for therapy, try a book like this one https://www.amazon.com/Conquer-Picky-Eating-Teens-Adults/dp/1986385930/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=adult+picky+eating&qid=1564585969&s=books&sr=1-3

My ED therapist recommended this book to me:

The Emotional Eater's Repair Manual: A Practical Mind-Body-Spirit Guide for Putting an End to Overeating and Dieting Paperback – November 6, 2012
by Julie M. Simon (Author)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608681513/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apis_1510884380982

How about Fat, I had this text for my anthropology of food and eating. I suspect you might find a little bit about beauty in there.

The Overcoming Bulimia Workbook: Your Comprehensive Step-by-Step Guide to Recovery (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

If you do think you have an ED then I recommend seeing a psychiatrist (not psychologist) to get a diagnosis. If you can't afford treatment I recommend 2 books that helped me work through my ED when I didn't have any health insurance Leora Fulvio, Reclaiming Yourself from Binge Eating and Kathryn Hansen, Brain Over Binge. They were simply God-sends. I know exactly how you feel. It takes time to work your way back up, but with patience, self-love and persistence, you'll be able to do it.

Looking at the summary of that book on Amazon...

They say don't judge a book by its cover, but I'm going to do the opposite, be very judgmental here and say that this summary doesn't fill me with the hope that this is a measured take on ED recovery or healthy lifestyle habits. It seems like precisely the sort of summary that'd be a motherlode of fatlogic. Maybe I'm wrong and it's just bait to get HAES advocates to read it, who knows?

Still, the message of the person writing this... Yeah, an anorexic probably needs to let go of the fear of gaining a healthy amount of weight. But you know what? It's been said here before, by ED sufferers, that nothing makes an anorexic run away in screaming panic from the thought of treatment and recovery quite like the idea that they'll end up obese.

Yeah, if you're BMI 15, you need to let go of the fear of gaining weight. If you're BMI 25, not so much.

>excessive pickiness around food can set you up for issues with weight

This feels so familiar.......

> saying "hey, I'm at my goal weight, time for dessert seven days a week!"

A diet should probably include six months to a whole year of weight maintenance so satiety hormones can get back on track.

So maintaining the weight would be part of the diet.

Maybe that works?

First of all, if he has binge eating disorder, he should get help. I went to an outpatient treatment center for BED, and while it made me really frustrated that I gained weight while there, it did stop the binge eating. That's important, because if you try to to diet while you have BED it can make it worse and result in not losing anything.

Second, the idea that you can put back weight significantly faster than you can lose it is generally false. You may well see a significant amount of weight gained, but it's just water weight, not fat. I used to spend a month dieting, lose 4-5 pounds, and then I'd have a full weekend of cheat days (binge days really), see the scale go up by 7 pounds and say, "what the hell was the point of that full month of dieting when I gain more than that back in 2 days??" and then give up. But of course, there is no way that I actually gained back the 5 pounds that I lost, I'd have to have eaten 18000 calories over my maintenance amount to do that (roughly 21,000 calories over 2 days). What was really happening was that I had stored a lot of water weight, and by giving up at that point it eventually became real weight (by consistently over-eating day after day).

I'd really recommend the book, "Conquering Fat Logic". I generally find that self-help type books are nothing more than a scam, but I actually found this one really helpful. The author goes through and chapter by chapter addresses ideas that I hear constantly cited as fact. She cites studies to back up why each of them is false or as she says "fat-logic."

Conquering Fatlogic has helped many people to identify flawed thinking around weight, health and weight loss.

This is part 2 of the other reply. I separated it because the other was getting long and this will have a different flavor to it anyway. I'm trying to collect resources here that will act as the best substitute for what you will get in therapy that you can start using to make a difference now. I'm no expert of course, but I've been down a few of the same roads before and I at least know part of what they will tell you in advance :)

> Well I am extremely panicky about going downstairs as I really don't know my grandparents well. Also they don't like the food I cook (strong spices) so they make little comments. Also, I have a fear I have always had, of eating in front of people. Plus I can't stand eating noises. I can get food no problem, I always try to have some carrots and fruit in my room along with some bread, but it's not really a replacement for a home cooked meal. I also (irrationally) fear people judging me if I buy something.

These are the areas in addition to the anorexia where therapy will be the most beneficial. There are a few main things that therapy will provide for you, and some of them you don't have to wait for a professional to tell you to start getting benefits. The first thing you get in therapy is patient education. In your case, "What is anxiety, how often and in what ways does it affect people, and what treatments or strategies tend to be effective for managing this?", and "What is anorexia, how often and in what ways does it affect people, and what treatments or strategies tend to be effective for managing this?". It's dangerous to assume that just because you are personally experiencing these phenomena that you know the answers to these questions... In my case, my biggest struggle has been with depression, and even well into my treatment in professional therapy, I didn't understand that "feeling sad" wasn't even a necessary component of depression, and that really held me back for a long time from understanding/believing that depression was truly what I was going through.

To this end, I've gone and done some basic searching to find the reading that I would do if I were in your shoes. These are by no means the only or best resources, but given that I know very little about eating disorders, the random google search will tend to be far more practical and informative than it will be misleading:

http://www.recoveryranch.com/articles/eating-disorders/eating-disorder-your-life/

http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/anorexia-nervosa.html

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/eating_disorders/

The second main thing that therapy will help you do is to learn how you interact with the world, and how your mind processes information it receives. In particular, most of these processes are invisible to us if we don't really slow down and learn to recognize the signs, and there are ways that they can go wrong, so that the information that reaches our conscious mind has been severely distorted as compared to objective reality. I want to emphasize here that there is no magic to therapy... it's pretty common in today's society to have this mental image of going into therapy and talking about your problems for an hour and then somehow the fact that you told all of this to a stranger suddenly makes you feel better. If that were the case I would tend to suspect such a person wasn't really in that much need of therapy in the first place. In my experience, the biggest gains from therapy come out of the work you do every day between sessions to change your mental state and environment. The professional guidance is important and useful to figure out where to focus your limited resources to have the most beneficial impact, and to help you understand what is and isn't genuine progress so that you don't fall prey to the traps of your own thinking, but the hard work is really done by you.

With that in mind, I think you might find some benefit from a good self-help workbook or two. The workbook aspect is key here, because a lot of the relief will come by actually doing the exercises recommended by the workbook, and answering the questions thoughtfully and learning about yourself during that self-reflection. These are the same things that therapy will generally ask you to do (although much more personalized and with other complicating factors taken into account), and I think you could expect at least some initial benefit. It will also help make the therapy sessions more productive once you are able to get to them, since you have some idea of what you are already trying to do, and the therapist will be able to help you understand the finer points more readily than if you are going in blind.

For anxiety and panic, the following two workbooks both come recommended by my therapist and my wife's (she also has panic attacks, though not as frequently now as before):

http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1572248912

http://www.amazon.com/Panic-Attacks-Workbook-Program-Beating/dp/1569754152/

For the eating disorder, I suspect that something similar would be a good idea, but I unfortunately don't have any direct experience with this so I can't make any informed recommendations. The first book below is the most applicable that I can find that has reasonable reviews (although not as many as I would generally prefer), and the second is the most highly reviewed book that I can find about the relationship between food and emotions in general, but I think it tends to focus on overeating to avoid other emotional problems rather than a food disorder itself. This still could be helpful though because the relationship between food and emotions is always complicated, and a better understanding of this might help alleviate the fears you describe about weight gain and such.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Image-Workbook-Eight-Step/dp/1572245468/

http://www.amazon.com/The-Food-Feelings-Workbook-Emotional/dp/0936077204/

That's a lot for now, I'll stop here and wait to see what you think of all this :)

> models who smoke won't be allowed to work since it's an unhealthy habit.

Are you seriously comparing smoking to an eating disorder? There is no denying that the fashion world is at fault for pushing this twisted view of how a body should look like. Most fashion labels absolutely view skinny as the ideal. And specifically want their models to be skinny. I'll give you some examples.


Teenage girls who are patients at Sweden's larget eating disorder clinic are being scouted by model agencies. Some have BMI as low as 14, one was so sick she was wheelchair bound.


Hungry: A Young Model's Story page 95. Coco Rocha being told at 15, "You need to lose more weight. The look this year is anorexia. We don't want you to be anorexic, but that's what we want you to look like."


Ralph Lauren photostopping a model's waist in an advertisement. Her head was bigger than her waist.

Karl Lagerfeld of Chanel saying that people prefer skinny models and opposers are "‘These are fat mummies sitting with their bags of crisps"

Even Andreas Lebert, editor-in-chief of Germany's most popular women's magazine admitted that ""The whole model industry is anorexic." and "For years we've had to use Photoshop to fatten the girls up".

Louisa von Minckwitz, owner of Louisa Models said she understood the rage about underweight models but doubted that readers really wanted to buy a magazine to look at ordinary women.

Here are some female models who have died from anorexia nervosa.

Hila Elmalich. Elmalich died weighing 22 kilograms/49lbs, age 34. Her eating disorder had started around the time that she started her career at 13 years old.

Ana Carolina Reston At the time of her death, age 34, she weighed just 40 kg/88 lbs/ at a height 1.73 m/5 ft 8 in.

Sisters Luisel and Eliana Ramos Luisel died at age 22, weighing 44kg/96.8lbs Had a diet of lettuce and Diet Coke for the three months before she died.

Isabelle Caro Perhaps the most seen anorexic model in the "No Anorexia" campaigns. At her worst, she weighed 25kg/55lb and slipped into a coma.

Edit: formatting