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Reddit mentions of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

Sentiment score: 17
Reddit mentions: 28

We found 28 Reddit mentions of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. Here are the top ones.

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
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  • Harperbusiness
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Release dateMay 2016
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Found 28 comments on Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It:

u/nicearthur32 · 326 pointsr/personalfinance

Before you go and negotiate the salary read THIS book. Or do the audio book. There is a section on negotiating salary but the whole book is useful. Really changed the way I talk with people.

u/Cookingachicken · 14 pointsr/RedditForGrownups

Thanks! There's a great book on negotiating jobs and other important things I'd really suggest you read right now. It will give you a lot of tools for advocating for yourself. It was written by an FBI hostage negotiator who inspire the Denzel Washington movies proof of life and others. It's a great book and will help you not settle but get what you want out of any work transaction.


u/computerguy0-0 · 13 pointsr/sysadmin

Practice. Lots of practice. If you go into a negotiation not willing to lose it all, you've already lost.

Interview for jobs. You should always be looking.

Making friend and influencing people is good.

Also: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062407805/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tWsWBbKWP1BB7

u/intergalactic_wag · 11 pointsr/Marriage

It's tough to offer any kind of advice for your situation because you talk in a lot of generalities.

However, my wife and I have struggled quite a bit over the last few years and it sucks. I feel like things are getting better, but there are always mis-steps even on the up-swing.

If your wive really has checked out, there's not much you can do. It takes two to make a couple.

However. You can work on yourself. In so doing, you might find that it helps your relationship. Or it might not. But even if your relationship falls apart, you will be in a much better space to cope with that and move on -- as difficult as it seems right now.

So, here's my suggestions ... things that I have been doing and reading over the last couple of years that have really helped me.

  1. Stop looking at all the things she is doing wrong. Focus on what she is doing right. This is tough and requires a huge shift in thinking and an even bigger thinking around letting go of your ego.

  2. Every day do something to show some appreciation for someone in your life. One person every day. Say thank you and tell them what they mean to you. This will help you focus on more positive things overall. Include your wife in this, though she doesn't need to be the focus of this every day.

  3. Be honest with yourself and her. Can you give her what she wants. There are some things that I just can't give my wife. And some things she can't give me. How important are these things? And are there other ways to get them?

  4. Adopt a meditation practice. Download the Headspace app. It has a nice introduction to meditation. It has helped me immensely.

  5. If you don't exercise, start. Personally, I enjoy weight lifting. Try Strong Lifts if you can. It's a simple program that will show fast results.

  6. If you don't eat healthy, start. There are so many diets out there. Even if you just start eating smaller portions and cut out snacking, you'll see some positive results. That's where I started. I eventually started doing the Alt Shift Diet. Yeah, you can call it a fad diet or whatever. I don't care. It works for me and that's the key -- find a diet that works for you.

  7. Read How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. Great advice that applies even when you are talking to adults.

  8. Read People Skills. This is a great book on active listening and conflict resolution. Helpful in so many situations.

  9. Read this post and some of the posts that follow it. Incredibly insightful

  10. Read Never Split the Difference. Another great book that is geared more toward business negotiation, but has been a great help in my personal life. I can take the time to understand someone else's perspective without letting go of mine. Also great to help assert myself better in my relationship. His description of active listening was also helpful.

  11. Read Come as You Are. A great book on women's sexuality specifically, but it's really about sexuality in general. It's backed by a lot of research. Has a lot of insight into human sexuality. Great reading. Helped me understand myself and my wife better. (Goes beyond the typical High Libido and Low Libido stuff that I always found less than helpful.)

  12. Do stuff on your own. Go out with friends. Go to the movies by yourself. Make sure both of you get breathing room away from each other.

  13. Be honest. If you feel something tell her. You don't have to be mean. But do be honest. "You are making me angry right now, can we talk about it later when I have calmed down." "Your tone sounds rude and condescending. Please talk to me like I am an adult or we can wait and talk later." This one is tough and statements should be made from your perspective rather than made as statements of fact.

    Anyway, those are my suggestions and have helped me immensely. Take what you think will work for you. Ignore the rest.

    Best of luck!
u/props_to_yo_pops · 11 pointsr/LifeProTips

I bought Chris Voss's book Never Split the Difference after his AMA. (On mobile, will add links later). He recommends a pricing strategy where you set your top price, start with a low bid and make diminishing increases to achieve it - 65% of top line, then 85%, 95%, then 100%. The final number should not be a nice round number, it should sound odd. So for example, if you want to pay $200 for something, offer $130, 170, 190, $197.26

Edit: Links added

u/eatcheeseordie · 5 pointsr/AskWomen

Right now I'm reading Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference. It has some amazing negotiating tips, and I've had some luck already. The downside is that a lot of those tips come down to "learn to control your emotions", which I struggle with.

Since you asked for fiction, my recent favorite is Yaa Gyasi's incredible Homegoing: A Novel.

u/Chris_Misterek · 4 pointsr/UXDesign

I started a freelance web design business about 5 years ago. Within a year or so I had doubled the income of my FT job.

Now I help people learn to do the same at https://selfmadewebdesigner.com

I agree with refractal. Sales is a muscle you’ve got to build. And pay your taxes 🤣

One way you can start is by reaching out to people you know that have businesses and could use your skills. Practice your pitch on them.

Since they have a relationship with you all ready it’s not as a big a deal if you flop the pitch.

I think a lot of people have a problem with sales because they feel like they’re trying to pull one over on something.

Like you’re a multi level marketer convincing someone to get on the ground floor of this amazing deal.

A sales conversation is all about building a relationship with someone and seeing if you can help them. Don’t hide your limits and don’t over promise.

If you walk into it just wanting to care for and do what’s best for the person you’re talking to then it’s tough to get it wrong.

A good book to read is called Never Split the Difference

u/gospelwut · 3 pointsr/devops

Also a "Windows" DevOps guy.

I'd recommend this .NET Rocks podcast episode. It's a pretty healthy way of look at the meta.

  1. Understand where this hype train came from -- i.e. Gene Kim's The Phoenix Project. It's a good read and illustrates all the prescriptive advise sold by consultants nowadays is just that--sold.
  2. All labels are arbitrary, but sometimes you need the hype train to get stuff done inside organizations. This is a fact of life; I'm sorry.
  3. Understand your goals and objectives. Are you there to reduce the feedback loop for the developers? Are you there to help unburden the release management operations in the SDLC? Are you there because they really wanted a systems engineer who can also handle the developer stuff?
  4. While tools aren't what make the man, try to get a sense of what tools won't become vaporware. Some companies can go as far as to rewrite the kernel by hand if they need to. Is your Org one of those companies?
  5. Understand where the process breaks down. Sometimes new tools won't do it better. All tools have an activation cost, some strange edge case, and tons of implementation pains. But sometimes--even if under the hood it works EXACTLY THE SAME--the transparency/ease-of-use are worth it to the organization.
  6. This is the single best book I have ever read for my business career: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
  7. If you're a Windows guy, learn to love Powershell. This is seriously the backbone of the direction MS is going. Even with the best orchestration/container/whatever tools on the market, you're gonna have to get down and dirty with it.
u/gordo1223 · 3 pointsr/smallbusiness

Good luck u/GameofCHAT selling a business is a lot of fun and will hopefully net you guys some cash while making you much better at building your next business.


If the buyer knows that you intend to wind the thing down, it puts you at a considerable bargaining disadvantage as he knows that you are basically working to minimize your losses. I think that the last bit of /u/drunkengolfer's post is the most salient. Your buyer will be looking at this transaction through the lens of what it would cost him to acquire that many customers. You can charge a premium for bundling them together, but that's likely the extent of it.


Curious to ask, has he made an offer? Has he acquired other cleaning service books of business in the past? If that's the case, you should have no problem getting him to put out the first few offers and negotiate with himself. "How do I know what's fair here? Help me understand," etc.


Also, read this book ASAP. Calibrated questions and mirroring (tactics from the book) are very much your friend if you're going into a situation where you have a disadvantage in terms of experience and sophistication.



Fwiw, I sold a business on a similar scale (less than 100k) last year and have bought two others since.

u/hwilsonia · 3 pointsr/booksuggestions

"Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It" by Chris Voss is excellent. I have used the techniques taught in this book in many aspects of my life. Negotiating is such a handy skill to have - saves you money, helps you navigate conflict, and helps you keep your calm. https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

u/unicorns_and_cheese · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I don't know if this will help you or not, but I used to have a boss that was just straight-up mean. He was nearly always ripping me a new one. That was my first office job, so I was low on the food chain, and he let me know it all the time.

I finally hit a wall and got to the point where I'd respond to his mean comments by just looking at him with a blank face. It takes some self-control, but I'd just look at him for a beat too long, without saying anything, and then he'd fill in the uncomfortable silence by backpedaling to soften what he'd just said. It sounds like your boss is more reasonable than mine was, so it might work even better if you try it.

Another tactic is to "mirror" what he just said, which basically accomplishes the same thing. Mirroring is just repeating the last two or three words of whatever he just said, but in the form of a question. A lot of time it forces people to complete their thought, and then often they realize they shouldn't be blaming you. I learned this from Never Split the Difference, which is a book about negotiating, but really comes in handy when dealing with "difficult" personality types.

u/lpave · 2 pointsr/personalfinance

I have a friend I worked with at a fortune 500 Investment firm (Multi billion dollars in assets), who was worried about asking for new monitors for his desk after he landed a new position at the company because they were $150 each. I reminded him that stuff like this is always budgeted for and they spend more than that on buying lunch for meetings sometimes and to also never feel bad for the gigantic bank.

Your company has a budget for retention/raises/bonuses they aren't going to fire the janitor to give you $10k. It's fine if you want to try to take the best interest of the place you work in mind, but its not good to be a doormat. That is how you get to a place of $15k wage disparity.

Wages aren't a race either, you want to be paid on your merit and skills, not because someone else gets paid more. You need to make a list of what you bring to the table but only as a reflection of yourself don't bring any of your colleagues into the mix by trying to compare output. just talk about you and all the work you do and show how it has ramped up for you in particular since you have started. This takes the conversation from "they have more" to "I am underpaid for the value I provide" Make a list of accomplishments, cost savings, late nights. Then have a nice conversation about how you feel you are underpaid and would like to have your wages adjusted. Start with the $15k and when they scoff just tell them its where you think you should be based on market/title/workload etc (glassdoor can be your friend at this point)

If they say yes then you are good, if they counter offer, with what you wanted, you are good, if they come back lower, lets say $5k, ask if it would be possible for you to get the pay you are looking for spread over 3 years instead of one, or start asking for non monetary things that you might like maybe an extra week of vacation, depending on what your company offers for benefits you may be able to get them extended. Companies tend to give those out easier because they don't come out of the payroll bucket.

If they still say no, well the job market is currently like 3.7% unemployment and there are tons of places hiring for hr.

Tl:dr your company can afford to pay you more don't take their shit, they will happily keep you at the same salary for years don't feel bad for them they don't feel bad when they do that shit to you.

Also try reading never split the difference it can help you get better with negotiation tactics.

u/Ralph333 · 2 pointsr/sales

You should check out Chris Voss. He was the head of hostage negotiations for the FBI. He has a book called Never Split the Difference. Really good information and he relates it to sales and business. He also has been on a few podcasts. Highly recommend!


u/EntropyFighter · 2 pointsr/smallbusiness

It really depends on what the language of the non-compete is. Are they basically a local company? Do they limit the non-compete to a geographical area? Do they specialize in one type of marketing? Do they limit the non-compete to those types of marketing? As somebody who worked at a marketing firm, left, and started my own gig, I would say don't sign it. As others have stated, a non-solicit agreement makes more sense.

If they are serious about the non-compete, offer to sign it for a $10,000 bonus. Nothing is free. They don't get to dictate your actions for 2 years after you quit working for them without paying you something beyond your salary for it. At least, not in my eyes.

Don't think it's a yes/no question. Negotiate. If you don't feel like you have good negotiating skills, check out the book Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. But you have to be prepared to walk away and find a different job. It's a calculated risk and you know best whether it's worth it or not.

u/INTJustAFleshWound · 2 pointsr/intj
u/s-ro_mojosa · 1 pointr/FATErpg

If tough negotiation and social combat is a common feature of your campaign, I'd recommend reading Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, you'll really learn to make your PC's work for their victories in social combat.

u/[deleted] · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

This book tends to be helpful:


It's a really good read on negotiation.

u/frijolito · 1 pointr/Advice

Everything is negotiable. Always. It's just a matter of knowing how to do it right. Which is the tricky part of course!

If it were me in your shoes:

I wouldn't accept a pay cut.

I'd try really hard to not get re-evaluated.

I'd ask for, but wouldn't be very disappointed if it can't happen: some paid time to move, and some relocation expenses.

Good luck!

p.s. For some negotiating tips, this book wasn't too bad imo: https://www.amazon.ca/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

u/ItsAConspiracy · 1 pointr/ethereum

Fwiw the FBI actually does negotiate with kidnappers. I just read a book by someone who used to be their lead hostage negotiator. In many cases the kidnappers would never be caught, but the families would end up paying only a few thousand dollars instead of the million or so originally demanded.

u/SignificantOtter3 · 1 pointr/SEO

Amazon have the same issue you do, so I would have a look at how they deal with it. (I've done it for you :)) They are absolutely killing it in the eCommerce SEO world so their word should be considered gospel.

So how do Amazon solve this issue? Well, they create almost completely different pages. Take a look at this hardcover version versus the kindle version. It's the same book with the same reviews etc, but the pages are very different.

In addition to the original content, they've also placed a rel=canonical tag to the main landing page, to clarify the structure of the website to Google. (To check the canonical tag, check out the Open SEO stats chrome extension, or just view the source code)

This is the ideal scenario. If you dont have the resources or time to provide this kind of originality, try and find the sweet spot between originality and your resources.

u/IemandZwaaitEnRoept · 1 pointr/NoStupidQuestions

I'll give you two book tips:

  1. Never split the difference by Chris Voss, an ex FBI hostage negotiator. This is about negotiation techniques that everybody can use. A better negotiator has more power. Negotiating is not about overpowering and bluff, it's about finding common ground and making a connection.
  2. Simon Simek - Start with why. This book was for me really useful, but given your situation, your "why" may be very clear. Still it's a good book as your "why", your (underlying) motivation may not be entirely clear to yourself. Sometimes you do things without really knowing why. Don't expect this book to explain the whole complexity of your inner self - it doesn't, but well - if you have the time and energy, it might help.

    I don't know if you can order these books. Both are available as EPUB as well if you use a normal e-reader or laptop.
u/TurtleBird · 0 pointsr/timberwolves

I’m a pretty big inarticulate moron. If you’re actually interested, this book is really good and a very easy read: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805