Reddit mentions of The Self-Esteem Workbook

Our would values a skinny aesthetic, and I tried to match it, too. I wanted skinny to definitely a part of who "I am," and now that it's in the past, I see it simply as part of my naivete when young. I learned to not identify too strongly with labels of any sort, though, as I've gotten older.

I realized I was sick at around the age of 15, and people were trying to call me out on it, but I staunchly denied it.


What's wrong with being underweight? It demolished my health, it nearly killed me several times, and it really messed up everything from school to work to social life to my athletic and dance pursuits. It was a major negative force in so much of my life for so many years, it is hard to think of anything that it didn't touch.

Feeling light as air comes with a price, and it's only for a short while that that feeling lasts. Worse are the weakness and headaches and aches and pains that being underweight can cause. You're basing your ideal on a cartoon character :( Impossible!

I eventually was motivated to recover for a variety of reasons, mostly that I was exhausted of slowly dying all the time, and my eyes got opened up to the idea that I could have something better.

I read some self-esteem books (like this, but there were others) Self-Esteem Workbook from the library, and they really went against every notion I had that I was worthless. I gradually woke up. They made me step back and really consider trying something different for my life.

I had been in treatment for several years (yes, being underweight can lead to residential treatment, talk about interrupting your life, and my family didn't understand at all, ever over the years, either) but not making much progress. After reading about self-esteem and what it meant, I wrote a completely different recovery strategy for myself and ran it by my treatment team, who were willing to try it with me.

Please don't starve yourself. You hurt only yourself. You need your strength and health to be active, to live life. It has been many years now that I have been recovered, and I'm doing better than ever.

You look beautiful. Not the least like a man. This book may help. It isn't makeup related, but neither is this post, really. I think you may have an image distortion problem, and therapy might help, too.

Therapy, honestly. Being honest with myself about things I didn't like (my weight, my habit of talking over people, my tendency toward being insecure/defensive, my need for validation from others) and making concrete plans to fix those things (therapy, eating less, apologizing when I interrupt, asking more questions, keeping a journal of my progress/success etc).

I come from a background of abuse (I posted about it recently if you feel like reading about it). I had a habit of binge eating, self injury and trying to find worth through online interactions. I felt worthless and disgusting and generally awful most of the time, even though I was in a safe place with a husband who loved me and good people around me. As I've healed, my external environment has stayed pretty much the same, but how I think and feel about things is different.

If you can't do therapy right now, there are CBT workbooks you can do on your own - this one might be a good place to start. I also suggest getting outside yourself and serving - volunteering at a soup kitchen, a shelter, an animal rescue etc. can help adjsut your perspective and give you something to feel good about.

Find things in your life that you're proud of - things you are good at or worked for or can improve. At one point I took up weightlifting to have an objective measurement of my progress - it didn't matter if I didn't improve every week, over time I could do things I never did before. If you want to take control of your eating, I suggest looking for a TOPS group and keeping a record of what you eat and how you're feeling - if you can change the feelings then there will be less drive to over-eat.

Make a list of things you enjoy and that feel good - writing, doing your nails, talking to a friend, cleaning whatever - and start doing those things when you're feeling upset instead of eating/wallowing/isolating yourself. It's hard at first, and you won't do it perfectly every time, but give yourself 6 months and you'll be in a better place than you are right now. Keeping a journal/record of things you're happy about/proud of/accomplished seems kind of hokey but it really does help.

Reaching out like this is a good step too. Negativity breeds in isolation, by reaching out you're already taking a step - be proud of that. If you're open to it, being part of a faith group can also be really supportive and helpful - even if it just gets you around people in a positive environment on a regular basis.

The Self Esteem Workbook by Glenn Schiraldi:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi/dp/1572242523/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408538733&sr=8-1&keywords=Self+Esteem+Workbook

It's a start for both of you.

I don't want to sound like I'm peddling some crap or advertising for someone but this workbook helped me quite a bit in terms of what I could say to myself to self-soothe without sounding like an N, especially when I found myself feeling particularly shitty and undeserving.

You are not worthless - no one can take your inner worth away from you. No one should ever feel worthless or ashamed of who they are - parents are supposed to unconditionally love and support their children. On top of that, you are incredibly accomplished for getting into a school like Northwestern.

Your parents are projecting their insecurities and fears onto you. Please do not take their words to heart. Even if you didn't get into college, no one can take away your inner self worth. I'm really sorry that you do not have more supportive and loving parents - I didn't either growing up. But that's on them, not on you. However, from this day on, you must make a promise to always love yourself and to be there for yourself, and not measure your worth based upon on externalities like what college you go to. You must learn how to build your self esteem so you can live a fulfilling life. The Self Esteem Workbook is a great place to start your journey.

You got into Northwestern - congratulations again. But you are technically at a disadvantage compared to other kids that got into Northwestern AND have a supportive, loving family backing them and helped them grow emotionally. A good college education serves as a great foundation for your future, but what's even more important is having a strong emotional foundation in yourself. Going to Northwestern isn't automatically going to make you an effective significant other or friend. The more you understand yourself and the more you unfailingly love yourself, the more fulfilling you'll find life can be.

Lastly, do you have someone to talk about this with? I'd recommend looking into getting some therapy. Feel free to shoot me a PM too if you need a sounding board.

Congratulations again! I hope you have a wonderful remainder of high school and always remember that no one can ever take away your infinite worth from you.

Excuse me while I brush the dust off this post. I think it deserves an answer. I would recommend this self-esteem workbook. It has a lot of action steps and exercises, while also explaining self-esteem and how it affects you and your life. Hope this helps! https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-R-Schiraldi/dp/1572242523/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1500571400&sr=8-3&keywords=self+esteem+workbook

I totally second the recommendation for therapy. My therapist recommended this self esteem workbook and it was so helpful. I really learned a lot from writing down different cognitive distortions and identifying what they were. I was embarrassed to buy it and didn't even think of myself as a person with low self esteem, but grew so much from using it and the tools I learned in therapy!

I'm 31 and my therapist worked with me on this topic a lot. This is a good resource she recommended that has many exercises which will help with self-esteem issues.

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-R-Schiraldi/dp/1572242523

This book is one of the best out there on dealing with self confidence / self esteem / depression issues. My SO and I worked through it at least a couple of times to help with some lifelong self esteem issues she was having. Nothing is an overnight cure, but know that there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Give it a try and update us in a couple months.

I think therapy would be SO helpful for you. It's so good to have a human listening and offering the voice of reason. Please consider it.

Until then, maybe try committing to a workbook. And read up on cognitive-behavioural therapy, because it is commonly used to help unpleasant automatic thoughts and mindsets, and I found it helpful. Another thing I found hugely beneficial was learning about assertiveness techniques. When you can act like you have healthy self-respect, you internalize it and you get better feedback from people around you.

Two workbooks I found good are Mind Over Mood and The Self-Esteem Workbook.

It's definitely a voice I have no problem telling to eff off because he surely has no idea what he's saying.

You can check out submissions by other women here and maybe try your own. That therapist really focused on my self-esteem issues more than anything, which I appreciate now. She also recommended this workbook, but I never got around to getting it.

Have you ever tried to actively work on your self-esteem? Our self-perception is based on habitual ways of looking at ourselves that we can train or detrain if we're willing and able to work on them systematically, so you might consider a workbook like this. That's also something that some people prefer to do with the assistance of a therapist/counselor if that's a possibility for you at this time. All the best!

I know what it's like to be unable to afford therapy, but if you can afford a book, I highly recommend the Self Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi. It's not a replacement for therapy, but it's a a scientifically-based self-help book aimed at dissecting thought distortions and undoing core beliefs. I did this with a friend last year and it was hard work, but I'm in a much better and more stable place now emotionally.

Since you're seeing a GP anyway, you may also want to mention that you're having a hard time quitting skin picking. This can be related to anxiety, OCD, and/or other mental disorders, and your doctor may be able to prescribe something to help. Your doctor may also be aware of resources in the area for people like you who need therapy but can't afford it.

On a personal level, even if you aren't in a place to believe it now, I want you to know that I don't think you deserve to be hurt, and I think you're valuable just by virtue of being a human being. I'm proud of you for being so honest and vulnerable with us, and I hope you're able to overcome some of the negative thought patterns that are leading you to self-harm. I hope you'll keep us updated with your progress ❤️

Your girl has trauma points on several levels that should be addressed. I'm going to hit you with a library of reference material. Self-help books are not a replacement for therapy! That said, knowledge is power, and these are excellent resources.

1. Family of origin issues: this is where shit begins. We learn our self-worth (or lack of it) here. Toxic Parents (Susan Forward) will give you, and her, the concepts and vocabulary to begin to understand and process the effects of a fucked up family and how to deal with it.
   
   
2. Self-esteem issues: Stemming from above. Almost certainly what's behind the 'long, abusive relationship' with some guy who ended up cheating on her. People who stay in abusive relationships (physical, emotional or a cocktail of both) do so as a direct result of issues with self-esteem. Ten Days to Self-Esteem (David Burns) and The Self-Esteem Workbook (Glenn Schiraldi) both give background and practical exercises to help understand the concepts and make progress toward repair. You should both work through this!
   
   
3. Post-Traumatic Stress Issues: Like I said above, you've both been through trauma here. CLEARLY, her trauma is on a completely different level from yours, but you're exhibiting signs of a variation of PTSD yourself. Many people (myself included up until a couple of weeks ago, actually) think PTSD is reserved for war veterans. Not so much. The bible of PTSD is The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook (also Glenn Schiraldi). Buy this book. You can buy a Kindle edition and read it on your computer with a Kindle app if you want it right now and can't find it in a bookstore locally.
   
   
4. Anxiety Issues: I'm betting she has them. Even if she by some miracle doesn't, you clearly do. For your back pocket -- Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook (David Burns). Excellent Cognitive Behaviour Therapy manuals - you feel what you think, and CBT is brilliant for helping you understand and adjust faulty thought patterns.
   
   You need to be able to talk with her about this. Your relationship depends on it. In order for that to happen, she needs to feel safe talking to you about it. You should be able to express to her that you are upset by what happened to her, but no upset with her. You need to be very, very clear in your mind that that is true before you can be expected to convince her that that is true. Help her to understand that terrible things have happened to her - not just the rape, but all that shit going back to her abusive family of origin - that those things are not OK (that may sound ridiculously obvious, but someone that has grown up in that kind of toxic environment needs to hear that loud, clear and often), that they are not her fault, and that you love her and are prepared to support her when she needs you.
   
   She needs to talk to a professional. Do you have access to a women's counseling center or women's shelter where you are? If you PM me your location, I will be more than happy to help you look for resources. Given what you've explained about her background, chances are very, very good she's suppressing post-trauma reactions. Children of abusive situations learn that it's futile - maybe even counter-productive - to express physical or emotional pain. She needs to get with someone who is trained to hear below the surface and help her.
   
   Wow - I'm verbose.
   
   tl/dr: Giant, waiving red flags all over her background. Get her to a trained rape counselor, educate yourself on the probable issues, be there for her.

My therapist recommended The Self Esteem workbook, and it's pretty great.