(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best condiments & salad dressings

EDIT 1: TL;DR. Salad. Portion control. Aim for between 1500-2000 calories. EAT LOTS OF SALAD! Make it in advance, store it in the fridge. Exercise!

EDIT 2: Disclaimer: This worked for me. Your mileage may vary. I planned a diet around using salad to cope with hunger because it was a natural food very low in calories. I used very low calorie dressing to keep it that way. If you can't see yourself eating salad 2-4x a day, this won't work for you, but it's just one of many possible ways to cut calories with less pain than suffering through hunger between meals. Always go with a diet plan that appeals to you as something that you can stick to for a long period of time, not what some random stranger suggests on the internet. ;)

Well, I'm not a professional, but I have gone from fat to fit (female, from 210 and lazy to 130 and athletic in under six months) with similar issues as your own:

It's all well and good to say you're going to quit drinking soda, but do stock up on some diet soda. I know some people hate it, but give yourself some time with it. Your taste buds will adapt.

What's wrong with coffee? Have your morning coffee. There are no calories in coffee until you add cream and sugar. Go with milk and sweetener if that's your thing. More importantly, have breakfast with your coffee. It should be a small-ish meal - enough that you're getting your blood sugar up and keeping yourself satisfied. If breakfast alone won't tide you over until lunch, have a serving of fruit between breakfast and lunch. Small meals throughout the day will keep you more satisfied in the long run than three squares (because they help to keep your blood sugar elevated).

No sweets? Good. Next!

I'm not big on bread, but pasta? Mmmm. Unfortunately, portion control is damn hard with both bread and pasta. Sandwiches are okay, but think pita bread (look for varieties at about 100cal/pita) and lots of vegetables with some lean meats (chicken, turkey, lean ham, roast beef) and mustard & salt and pepper instead of butter or mayo. Calorie free mayonnaise exists, but I have no idea what it actually tastes like. Stuff that pita till it's ready to burst with lettuce, tomato and cucumber. Cucumber is damn good on a sammich. Don't you doubt it.

As for pasta, did you know that ~35 pieces of rotini is a portion of pasta? Disappointing as all get-out, huh? Click.. Get one. Stick to 1 portion. Stick to non-meat sauces and have a salad or steamed vegetables on the side/remaining three quarters of your plate. Heck, have some chicken, too. Key word: Some. Like 1/2 a breast.

I don't like vinaigrettes either. That's why fat free Italian is awesome. Calorie reduced everything else is also pretty good, but you've got to be quite moderate with it. READ YOUR LABELS and measure out your dressing accordingly.

Lots of vegetables, some fruit. Green vegetables contain very few calories, making them excellent for purposes of satisfying hunger without guilt. Keep in mind that most yellow, red, orange or white "veggies" have substantially more calories than greens (even though they're still pretty low). A few slices of carrot and some cherry tomatoes in your salad won't kill you, but if you make a salad containing only green things, you can pretty much eat as much of it as you want, whenever you want, provided you don't forget to think about the calories in the dressing.

A grilled chicken sandwich from a fast food joint probably isn't a big improvement vs. whatever else you had in mind, but it depends on the particular sandwich. If it's a major chain restaurant you're going to for it, look it up. 500 calories? Not... bad, but probably not very filling. 1000 calories? No. Just no. The problem isn't the chicken - it's the bun and the condiments. Subtracting the cheese (if present) and substituting a creamy sauce with barbeque sauce is one way to improve it, but only if you're looking at something that's around 500 calories to begin with. Here's an example. The best fast food restaurant meal is a side salad... or three. Again, mind the dressing. A packet of creamy dressing like Ranch can contain 300 calories.

A good rule of thumb is not to put anything in your mouth without first knowing what's in it. Always read Nutritional Information labels and when in doubt, use a calorie index site like the one linked above (there are many) before you plan a meal, whether in your home our outside of it. I have to wonder, why do you have to eat fast food? Workday lunch? Is there a reason you can't pack your own lunch? Planning your meals is key, as is portion control (particularly bread and pasta control). The best way I've personally found is to plan your meals a week in advance, but more importantly, try not to let yourself get hungry.

Easier said than done? Easier done than you think. You love salad? Perfect!

Step 1: Buy stuff to make a whole lot of salad, plus the lowest calorie dressing(s) you can reasonably tolerate putting on said salad. Also, buy or find a large (as in ~300oz) bowl or tupperware container and at least one small container (~32oz). A 3rd even smaller (12oz) container is optional (or you could go for two even smaller containers here). Airtight tupperware is best. Additionally, you will need either a lettuce spinner or plenty of paper towel.

Step 2: Clear half a shelf in your fridge. Wash, shred and DRY (spin, air dry or shake and thoroughly pat dry) enough lettuce to fill the big container. The drier the lettuce, the longer it'll last. Wash and slice enough mostly green whatever-else to fill the larger of the small containers and save the smallest, if you opt for it, for tomato and onion. The reason for keeping all of this separate is A) to keep the lettuce dry and B) to keep the tomato and onion flavours in the tomato and onion where they belong.

Step 3: When you want a salad, make a salad. It'll take you all of one minute to remove your containers from the fridge and combine their contents. Bring at least one serving of salad with you to work with the intention of eating it on your last break or just before you leave. That way, you won't be hungry when you get home. On the off chance that you are, you've got plenty of salad waiting for you if it's not yet time for supper.

Drink lots of water.

Get problem foods out of your home if you can.

Set a realistic calorie limit. Your BMR with the stats you've given is about 3000. This does not include calories burned during exercise, but to keep it simple (and effective), consider anything below 3000 a calorie deficit. Eating exactly 3000 calories a day is not likely to result in a satisfying rate or weight loss, so you'll want to go even lower. I would suggest setting a limit somewhere between 1500 and 2500. A pound of fat contains 3500 calories, so at 1500 calories a day, you'd be looking at at least 3lbs of weight loss per week (to start - keep in mind that as your size changes, so does your metabolic rate). At 2500 calories a day, you'd be looking at at least 1lb of weight loss per week.

You can approach achieving and maintaining a calorie deficit in two ways:

All at once: Limit yourself to somewhere between 1500 and 2000 calories from day 1 of your diet onward. If you can maintain it, you'll see quick results.

Ease into it: It is okay to start with a small reduction (for example, start with limiting yourself to 2750 calories), working your way down (by 250cal/week) over the course of a few weeks (again, to no fewer than 1500 calories). This is not the usual way to go about "starting a diet," but if your main problem is eating too much, it's not just the size of your body that you need to think about shrinking. Your stomach is in fact larger than it ought to be and it will take time for it to shrink down. As it does so, it will take less food to fill you up, but if you suddenly start eating half the food your stomach is used to, it's going to bitch and moan about it in the form of some pretty intense hunger pangs. It'll still shrink its whiny self down to a slimmer-you friendly size, but it's going to complain about it for a good two weeks.

How to start out is something that is entirely up to you. Succeeding at weight loss boils down to mental discipline, which tends to erode in the face of something as demanding as a hungry stomach. If it was easy to make drastic changes to your eating habits, no one would ever fail at a diet. It's not easy, but you can make it easier. Making smaller changes over a period of time may make it easier for you. Maybe, maybe not. You'll see smaller changes at first with this method, which may be discouraging. Again, it is completely up to you how you want to start: Tough it out or spread it out.

Plan your shopping and non-salad meals before you head out to do groceries. More to the point, plan for the diversity you want. There is no reason to eat the same thing every week, let alone every day. Does that sound silly when I'm advising you to eat lots of salad? There are many, many varieties of low calorie dressing. Use that to keep it interesting and vary your non-salad meals to keep them interesting.

If your wife is doing the groceries, well... either give her a list, go with or go yourself. And eat first. If it involves thinking about, reading about or looking at food, eat first.

Otherwise, it's all about basic portion control, which is a challenge in and of itself, but it gets easier. It really does.

Last but not least, EXERCISE. If the only exercise you can do is walking, walk. The best place to start however is with some strength training to give your body a little more calorie burning capacity (because muscle just does that, even when it's not doing anything else). For that, see the side bar. >

I'm not MuffinPuff, but I do love mustards...

Generally speaking, mustard is mustard. That said, there are, of course, a wide variety of mustards. Potted meat sandwiches are improved with the use of pretty much any sort, but I'm going to give some recommendations anyway!

Most prepared yellow mustards are quite similar, but if you want (what I consider to be) the best yellow mustard, you want Plochman's. If you can find it at your local grocer it will cost much, much less than the amazon price. $2 a bottle, if that.

Brown mustard is a bit spicier than yellow, due in large part to both the increased volume (and coarser grind) of the mustard seed. Where brown mustard is concerned I consider Gulden's to be one of the best readily available brands. Practically every grocery store carries this stuff, and it's inexpensive.

Now, there are tons of other varieties of mustard out there, but I'm only going to cover one last type: Honey Mustard. This stuff is good on almost anything, blending the spiciness of mustard with the sweetness of honey. If I can find it, I prefer to use Deitz & Watson Zesty Honey Mustard. This shit is beyond words good. It can be tough to find in a grocery store, but if the store's deli carries Deitz & Watson lunch meats, then the chances of finding it are vastly improved. It won't be in the condiments section, but rather near the deli case, usually in a dedicated display along with other condiments from D&W. Again, you'll pay much less for this stuff, compared to the amazon price, if you can find it at a grocery store. I think I usually pay $3.50 for a bottle.

Enjoy!

> Lifting: Just got back from the gym. I have to remind myself that the days I don't want to go are the days I need to go the most. Going first thing in the morning seems to be easier than late at night or midday. I'm adding more weight to squats and deadlifts. I saw one of my friends at the same gym not that long ago, I think I'll ask him to spot me for the bench press.

Excellent! Your consistency is paying off.


>What I'd like to change next is mayonnaise. I need really want it for sandwiches, but it's all soybean oil based. Even the alleged olive and avocado oil-based mayonnaises just mix it in with the soy.

Here's one with no soy on Amazon, not sure if you live somewhere that Amazon is available.

>Rest: Have not been sleeping well, regardless of how much I work during the day. I may try some zzzquil or pills.

Those things cause you to become dependent on them, and you'll likely need them for the rest of your life. Try Valerian Root capsules, they've worked really well for me.

>It seems like I'm being swarmed on all sides by people wanting me to do stuff for them. Not wanting to be a pushover anymore was one of my main reasons for swallowing the red pill. I don't know if people sense it and are trying to push me back, or if I'm just more situationally aware now.

Probably both.

>By analogy, I don't think what I have to say on Christ, sin, life, etc. would carry much weight from a non-threatening, follow-the-rules beta male. Does that make any sense?

While people are more likely to listen to a good looking, fit guy about different subjects, when it comes to the Gospel always remember that "...it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." (Romans 1:16) The power is in the Gospel, not the messenger. So put this thought out of your mind once and for all. Anyone can share the Gospel, the results are up to God, not us.

>Parts of the Bible I'm not understanding: A big thing I've struggled with is how God commands us to be meek, obedient followers. That seems to set men up to fail. It dawned upon me in the gym this morning that I may have been looking at this wrong. Christ is the Head of the Church--He is the AMOG, and trying to "out-Alpha" the Creator and Savior of the universe never works. The context was a patriarchal society of masculine men. A strong man choosing to be a humble and meek servant would be an act of love and deference toward the Lord. A weak man has no choice.

This is a good way of looking at it that I hadn't considered before. But remember, our model is Jesus. Jesus wasn’t a Nice Guy^^TM at all by the modern definition (agreeable and passive). Jesus was a strong, tough, disagreeable leader. Sure, He had compassion and loved others. But, He wasn’t weak or wishy-washy. He knew what was right, stood firm in His conviction, and influenced others. He did it knowing there were serious risks, even to His life. However, that boldness and conviction resulted in many followers.

Though He humbled himself to become a servant, He remained the Lord at all times; His command over His world was without question, and this is illustrated clearly in the Gospels. Jesus declared that He laid down His life of His own volition; no one took it from Him, nor could they. (John 10:18; Matthew 26:53).

In the Bible, although Jesus is assertive, He is not overbearingly aggressive to those who challenge Him, and He displays considerable compassion for those who seek Him. So Jesus embodies both Alpha and Beta qualities in perfect balance - because He is God. This is what we strive for.

For more reading on this, check out this and this, including the comments.

• Hamburgers/cheeseburgers without the bun. Even if you don't want to make your own burgers, there's a ton of options for pre-made ones, very easy to grill or pan fry them up.
  
• Low-carb tortillas (3g net carbs per tortilla). Pretty versatile and good for essentially any meal. I've been having them for breakfast lately with scrambled eggs, cheese and hot sauce. Also good for making low carb pizzas.
  
• Good old eggs and bacon.
  
• I like the Bird's Eye Steamfresh veggies for when I'm in a pinch. Creamed spinach is probably one of my favourites, broccoli and cauliflower is also pretty good. They also make stuff like mashed and riced cauliflower. Very convenient since I can just do it in the microwave.
  
• Taco salads. Ground beef is super cheap and you can just toss in some taco seasoning. Add in your avocado, cheese, sour cream, hot sauce, salsa and its pretty tasty.
  
• Chicken thighs. They're cheaper than breasts and much more forgiving when it comes to overcooking. They don't dry out as much as a breast would, and they're much tastier. I usually pan fry mine in some olive oil or something along those lines.
  
• Get yourself a grill pan and you can do any number of proteins or veggies on the stove.
  
• Always keep a ton of snacks around. Nuts, beef jerky, cheese (string cheese or stuff like Baby Bel), peanut butter etc. can be life savers.
  
• Make your own dip with ranch or French onion seasoning packets. I mix them in with some sour cream and cream cheese and have those with veggies, especially stuff like celery. The ranch is also pretty good as a seasoning for chicken or shrimp.
  
• Chili. Really easy to do in the slow cooker and there are tons of recipes out there. Also keeps pretty well long term so it's a nice one to do and then portion out and maybe freeze for later.
  
  Edit: spelling

I'm a snacker. I sit at my desk all day and I find that they day goes by easier if I have a snack a few times a day. So I really like almonds. I've seen a lot of raves about Blue Diamond almonds on /r/keto, but I loathe to pay nearly $4 for a small can (about 1 cup) of almonds.

I went to Sam's Club and found a 9 cup of raw almonds for $16 bucks ($1.80/cup). I decided I wanted to experiment with recipes for them, and these are the results.

Each whole recipe is 3g net carbs or less and 140 or fewer calories. I'm fairly sure I'll eat each recipe in 2-3 sittings.

Directions for all:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
   
   
2. Add almonds and oil to a bowl, stir with hands until almonds are thouroughly coated with oil.
   
   
3. Mix spices in another bowl until well blended.
   
   
4. Add spices a little at a time to the bowl of almonds and toss them until the almonds are coated in the spices to your satisfaction. You might try one of the almonds to see if the amount of spice is to your liking. Remember that the seasoning will be less strong after being roasted. If you think the seasoning is too strong add a bit more almonds and re-toss until the coating has transferred onto them a bit.
   
   
5. Put almonds in a single layer on a baking pan and put them in the oven for 6 minutes (Note: I tried different timings and 6 minutes seemed right for my oven. The Chipotle Cumin almonds in the picture were baked at 8 minutes and they came out a bit too done for my tastes. YMMV, so keep an eye on them.)
   
   
6. When you take them out of the oven let them cool before putting them in the storage container. I put them in a metal collander so I could re-use the pan on the next batch and it worked well.
   
   
   Chipotle-Cumin Almonds
   
   Ingredients:
   
   

• 1 cup raw almonds
  
• 2 tsp olive oil
  
• 1/2 tsp salt (I like kosher salt)
  
• 1/2 tsp cumin
  
• 1/2 tsp chipotle chile pepper
  
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
  
  Ranch-Mustard Almonds
  
  Ingredients:
  
  
• 1 cup almonds
  
• 2 tsp olive oil
  
• 1.5 tsp Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing/Dip Mix
  
• 1.5 tsp Ground Mustard Powder
  
• 1/2 tsp Salt
  
  BBQ Almonds
  
  Ingredients:
  
  
• 1 cup almonds
  
• 2 tsp olive oil
  
• 1 tsp paprika
  
• 1/2 tsp Garlic Salt (I used Lowrey's)
  
• 1/4 tsp Splenda
  
• 1/4 tsp Onion Powder
  
• 1/4 tsp Chili Powder
  
• 1/4 tsp Mustard Powder
  
• 1/4 tsp ground Cayenne pepper
  
• 1/4 tsp Jalapeno Salt (optional)

I am not a professional at this, but I have had success making cheese omlettes. Like I would take three eggs and crack them into a bowl and beat them before cooking them on the stove. I also add in shredded cheese to said bowl and mix as well, or other things I may want to add, like bacon bits. After mixing and beating it how I like it, then I cook on a non-stick skillet which has been lined with a coating of melted butter (I drop a few chunks of butter on it, and as it melts move the chunks around until coated).

Although, /u/KneeDeepThought/ seems to have even better tips and experience about this, I will try my future omelets like who they outlined.

If you have access to bavarian sweet mustard (Kroger sells their own variety) it is AMAZING on grilled cheese. If you want the good stuff, get this: https://www.amazon.com/H%C3%A4ndlmaiers-Sweet-Bavarian-Mustard-13-4/dp/B003U28EHG

Well I have 2 items I'll let you choose depending on if I want and what you want to do.. hope that is okay :D

Bacon Popcorn

Or

Bacon bits

I'm not a fan of sushi :C

Thanks for the contest :D

On a related note - does anyone else love this stuff?

http://www.amazon.com/DYNASTY-0-11152-06450-5-Dynasty-Mayonnaise/dp/B001LNXYRG

Thai Hot Chili Mayo. It's great on "french fries" and burgers and everything else.

Your local grocery store should probably have this: http://www.amazon.com/DYNASTY-0-11152-06450-5-Dynasty-Mayonnaise/dp/B001LNXYRG/ which is great. About $4.50 and it's delicious.

I would have agreed with you a year ago... but not now... Organic Portland Ketchup best ketchup ever!


https://www.amazon.com/PORTLANDIA-FOODS-Organic-Portland-Ketchup/dp/B008CFSRPU

Except you said she doesn't like liquorice? One of the main ingredients of Negro bonbons is lakric (syrup of the sladić plant/liquorice plant). I had to google these things to make sure, so that's why the links, if somebody knows better. edit:yup it's liquorice just click on the ENG in the upper-right corner on the first link in my comment.

Then again I've never had actual "liquorice" so I don't know how similar in taste it is to Negro bonbons and whether she'd (does) like them. Negro is only part liquorice, it's also mint and honey and stuff.

Looking around there maybe get her one of these other things (personally I like the "Hazelnut toffee")? Or kidy chocobars.

Speaking of the more popular domestic stuff personally I'd recommend medeno srce (honey hearts), they're like little heart-shaped cake-cookies. Or Plazma, or Smoki (check my name), Jaffa Cakes, Eurocrem, Eurocrem bar, Čokoladne bananice, Domacica, or anything from Stark or Pionir.

Not Serbian but popular stuff are stuff like Milka, or the usual Mars, Twix whatnot.

Damn, I'm hungry now.

Head down to the grocery store and grab some Maille seeded mustard. It's cheap (though not so much in that amazon link, I usually pay like a third of that), and it seems to be available worldwide.

Goes really well on basically any meat.

Also, Hot English. Soooo good.

Schmad on my add on

25.00

add on 5.00

Bacon mayonnaise sounds yum

and I love boxes and the smell of cedar so a cedar box would make me smile

>I have never been able to make it myself where it tastes like the sushi places.

I can help! Sushi places mix Kewpie mayo with Sriracha to make their spicy mayo. Kewpie is distinct from American/Western mayo in that it uses only egg yolks rather than whole eggs, as well as using rice or apple cider vinegar, rather than distilled.

Biscoff Spread is the most amazing thing in the history of the universe! I splooshed when I found out there was a crunchy kind as well as smooth.

Agreed as far as regular ketchup goes. I have a hardcore conservative buddy who refuses to purchase anything Heinz due to some political thing or something. He always has Hunts. Needless to say he no longer has BBQ hosting privileges.

If you ever get a hankering for something a little different as far as ketchup goes, give Portland Ketchup a try. VERY good stuff.

Peanut sauce. 1 packet good seasons italian mix (usually near spices or salad dressing at the market), ~1 cup of smooth PB, rice vinegar to taste (I like a lot - 2 or 3 tbsp), brown sugar and/or honey to taste (~1 tsp), dash of soy sauce, and water till you get the right consistency. I don't eat chicken but I eat this on stir fried rice n veggies all the time it is fantastic. Friends mom used to make it when I was young, I could eat it by itself.

I always get this and I absolutely love it.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01B7LB4GO?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

And it's under 4.00

Ahh yes. Yes I am.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01B7LB4GO/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_MH2LDbXAPMY64

[Good Seasons Italian Dressing Mix] (https://www.amazon.com/Good-Seasons-Dressing-Italian-4-Count/dp/B001EQ4DNY?th=1) (2 packets) plus McCormick Brown Gravy Mix (2 packets) plus 2 cups of water and a 2-4 pound hunk of cheap beef like bottom round roast for 6-8 hours on low. Add some Pepperoncini and their juice close to the end of the cooking time; shred beef. Serve on good rolls or buns.

Also this on pork chops.

KOOPS MUSTARD SQZ ARIZONA HEAT, 12 OZ Pack of 2 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A1HQEAW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_JwkdBbMXY4FKY

The best.

In Serbia it's not customary to exchange gifts for Xmas, also if she is Orthodox, the Xmas is on January 7th.

Smoki is a type of snack with peanut butter that's quite popular.

http://www.amazon.com/Smoki-Peanut-Flavored-Snacks-150g/dp/B000LRFW4G

Plazma (they are sold as Lane Biscuits in the west)

http://www.amazon.com/Bambi-Plazma-Lane-Biscuits-600g/dp/B000LRKLEW/

Jaffa Cakes (most popular ones are from Crvenka, but Milka makes them too)

http://www.amazon.com/Jaffa-Cakes-Biscuit-Covered-Chocolate/dp/B000LRIG6W/

Munchmallow Classic (because of poor packaging these have a habit of not being fresh when you buy them)

http://www.amazon.com/Crvenka-Jaffa-Munchmallow-Classic-105g/dp/B000LRKLGK/

Eurocrem (a nutella like spread)

http://www.amazon.com/Eurocrem-Hazelnut-Milk-Cocoa-Spread/dp/B000LQNBLS/

Eurocrem bar (the same thing just in a shape of a bar)

http://www.amazon.com/Eurocrem-Hazelnut-Milk-Cocoa-100g/dp/B000LQLN4U/

Čokoladne bananice

http://www.amazon.com/Stark-Chocolate-Covered-Flavored-Dessert/dp/B000LQJK04/

Bajadera (Croatian but popular in Serbia)

http://www.amazon.com/Kras-Bajadera-Nougat-Dessert-500g/dp/B000LQNB72/

Nut free trail mix

Probably cheaper alternatives somewhere or you can build your own by purchasing the ingredients, in bulk, separately.

Pumpkin seeds too.

Potatoes are fairly calorie dense. I love homemade fries(with skin) with any variety of vegan mayo for dipping. (100 calories per tbsp, not the healthiest but calorie dense as fuck)

This stuff is amazing.

$5

$10

$25 with shipping, it's .64 over, is that ok?

I think you should do the $5's, I really want that book.

don't go talking too loud you'll cause a landslide, Mr. Jones

speculoos cookie butter is essentially a spread made from crushed gingerbread-like cookies and a binding agent like vegetable oil. If that sounds tasty to you (obviously it will, it's spice cookies in butter form) then how good is amazon at shipping stuff to you?

can be used in all the normal ways you use mayo. it's also a very popular topping for some iconic japanese street food and bar food (like okonomiyaki and tako-yaki). it comes in a squeezy tube thing so it dispenses in thin lines, rather than being taken out of a big jar with a spoon or knife.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Kewpie-Mayonnaise-17-64-Pack/dp/B00279RYEM/ref=sr_1_3?th=1

Hmm, I'll have to do some shopping around then. [This] (http://www.amazon.com/Hampton-Creek-Variety-Flavors-Bottle/dp/B00KBDNH3S/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1420646209&sr=8-2&keywords=Just+Mayo) seems overpriced now. Thanks!

My favorite- https://www.amazon.com/KOOPS-MUSTARD-ARIZONA-HEAT-Pack/dp/B00A1HQEAW

Try this stuff. You can get it at an international market for a better price.

https://www.amazon.com/H%C3%A4ndlmaiers-Sweet-Bavarian-Mustard-13-4/dp/B003U28EHG?th=1

For less than $20, I don't think there is any better option than Baconnaise (given this this is meant to be humorous)

https://www.amazon.com/Baconnaise-Regular-Mayonnaise-Bacon-Ounce/dp/B002HQNCBO/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1481299857&sr=8-2&keywords=J%26D%27s+Baconnaise

This is what mustard looks like in my fridge:


https://www.amazon.com/Maille-71256-Wholegrain-Mustard-210g/dp/B0053OD50A

yeah:

https://www.amazon.com/McCormick-Imitation-Bacon-Bits-4-4/dp/B0059XFSOG

its pretty expensive, here is the lowest price buy link i could find online

its cheaper if you go to a place like 99 ranch market(4 dollars for 17oz) but i have a mom and pop asian market near me that has it for 3 dollars per.

Biscoff Cookie Butter Spread (Creamy + Crunchy Combo Pack) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0073FSY76/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_bg5vDb719247Y

Biscoff Cookies - 4.3 Ounce (Pack of 2) (16 Individual Snack Packs) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T0I1I8Q/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_6g5vDbGWP4VBS

https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Kewpie-Mayonnaise-17-64-Pack/dp/B00279RYEM/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1AOH6OVL0SOWY&keywords=kewpie+mayonnaise&qid=1575151251&sprefix=kewp%2Caps%2C138&sr=8-5

https://www.amazon.com/Eurocrem-Hazelnut-Milk-Cocoa-Spread/dp/B000LQNBLS/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1465841422&sr=8-1&keywords=eurocream

[it exists:)] (http://www.amazon.com/Baconnaise-Regular-Mayonnaise-Bacon-Ounce/dp/B002HQNCBO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368676256&sr=8-1&keywords=bacon+mayonnaise) Bacon is Meat Candy! surprise:)

Don't know about international but for the US: https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Kewpie-Mayonnaise-17-64-Pack/dp/B00279RYEM/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=kewpie+mayo&qid=1564350438&s=gateway&sr=8-3

Nutella is close and every grocery has that.

But you can buy real Eurocrem from Amazon

$1.27 - Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard, 12 Oz

May I present to you, Baconnaise

Au jus Ranch peppercini peppers

Dip/douse/drench it in this: http://www.amazon.com/Walden-Farms-Mayo-Sugar-Calorie/dp/B001G8RNPU

It can be "lighter" if it wants but the ingredients and nutritional info is essentially identical to american hellmans.

The main component of both being soybean oil, which is horrible for you.

https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Kewpie-Mayonnaise-17-64-Pack/dp/B00279RYEM