(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best friendship books

I'm so happy for you. And I would like to thank you as well, because being able to use my former misery to give good advice makes it better. :)

Now, don't relax just yet. At this point, you need to make a calendar and start preparing yourself and your environment for a good public school experience for yourself. (A good experience is not automatic, but you can guide it into being if you're aware of the potential pitfalls.) Create a notebook/digital folder of documents/some combination of note-taking tools, and start gathering information:

1. Set up a schedule for getting registered for and starting at public school with all of the relevant dates up to at least September or October. Share the schedule with your mother and let her know that this is important to you and that you can't do it without her help. If you run into resistance, follow the techniques that you've already learned for productive discussions, ask why she feels the way she does, and don't get upset. Try to understand her concerns and where she's coming from, with the knowledge that this is your life and you need it to change. Don't get upset.
   
2. Research into adolescent therapists in your area: having someone to talk to while you adjust to public school should be helpful. (If you/your family have/has the means, I recommend that. If you don't have the means, look into government help with that in your area and also look into the school. Do they have counseling? Is it any good? Is there a nearby youth center that might have resources?)
   
3. Research with the school to see if they have an adjustment program that you can benefit from or if they have the means to create one. Find out if a teacher would be willing to work with you on such a program. Make it clear that you're willing to put the effort in to set it up. (Sometimes, it's hard to get help because the person you're asking is overworked. If you let them know you don't expect them to do research or put in a lot of time, they might be more inclined to help you. This is also a good way to find a mentor/sponsor. (See below.)) Also, check to be sure that this is a school that you can attend: public schools vary hugely in quality. It might be worth considering another school if there's one available to you and the one you're looking at isn't great. Disregard that if you know it to be good.
   
4. If you can, talk to the principal/your prospective teachers and make sure that you will be prepared. If I remember school calendars correctly, you should have some time before school starts. You can try to contact the school, explain the situation, and try to give yourself a head start on the school year, if that is something that concerns you. (That can be part of your adjustment program.) Also research the homeschool world for transition programs to exit homeschooling for traditional school.
   
5. Start considering looking into mentors/sponsors: when you start public school, it might be helpful to have an advocate who understands your situation and can see where you need to go, because at every stage in life, there's a lot that you don't know yet because you need to focus on the present and the future isn't obvious.
   
   (I stayed in a frat house once and a relative told me to take an extra microwave that we had laying around the house with me. The ad I had answered had specified that the house had weekly cleaning so I didn't see the point, but I took the microwave and I was so glad I did. Their kitchen was disgusting and was never cleaned during the three months I lived there. I was able to eat cheaply and healthily only because I had that microwave.)
   
   You have your mother, which is great, but I also highly recommend finding an individual who can help you with the awareness that comes with age and experience in the context of school. (It should be a teacher, religious official (maybe), professional, some adult who has a context in which they can help you ie not just some random person. Also, you need to be aware that that is an extraordinary relationship and sometimes bad people or controlling people take advantage of those. Be careful.
   
   

6. Think about your strengths and weaknesses and consider what might be a good microcosm for you within the school. If it is a big school, it might be helpful to have a comfortable smaller group within the bigger environment.
   
   
7. Consider whether or not you need to brush up on your social and life skills. If you're into reading, I recommend three books and as always, read them skeptically:
   
   a) https://www.amazon.com/Friends-Influence-People-Teen-Girls/dp/0743272773
   
   b) https://www.amazon.com/Power-Female-Friendship-Circle-Friends/dp/B001P80L9G
   
   c) https://www.amazon.com/Adulting-Become-Grown-up-Easy-Steps-ebook/dp/B0092XHVD0
   
   The first two have gendered titles, but everyone could stand to have that information. Pay attention to the chapters on boundaries and on how you can't win an argument. The third is just a good intro to some of the basics that will be helpful to develop in yourself as you grow up.
   
   

8. If you are POC, you need a basic education in racial self-protection and self-defense. If you are white, you also need an education in this area, but it's different and will depend on the demographics of your school. Regardless of your race, if you will be a minority in your school, you should consider the ramifications of being a minority. Look for books for teens on the subject. I do not recommend activism at this stage of development and knowledge in your life. Learn to function smoothly first, if you aren't already comfortable and confident with that. Then you can progress into not being a bystander and you can move on from there. If you want more info on that or if you are POC and don't have a racial protection education, please mention that if you reply.
   
   
9. Don't despair if, for some reason, you are not able to stop homeschooling. Create another folder of notes with a general plan for that and remember that this part of your life is preparation for turning 18 and having freedom. You can still prepare for your eventual freedom if, for some reason, you can't go to public school. Remember that kindness to your self and self-care are important and don't let yourself be crippled by disappointment.
   
   As always, read everything skeptically and if something doesn't make sense, ask for a clarification. Good luck! Update if you can. I'm really happy for you, just don't rest quite yet.
   
   Edit: Thanks for the silver!
   
   And because I thought of something else:
   
   8,b) I am not qualified to recommend this, but I would recommend that you give yourself a basic education about LGBTQIA and gender issues. You're about to do a whole lot of growing among other people who are also growing. I don't know if this will ever be personally relevant to you, but being able to empathize with and function around anyone you meet is a valuable skill. Look for books aimed at teens and read them skeptically and with empathy and in context, like everyone should read everything.

Sure. First, let's start out with how I personally define productivity, so that you know where I'm coming from:

1. Get your work (your commitments - job, school, etc.) done first
   
2. Work on your personal projects
   
3. Enjoy guilt-free free time
   
   So that's the basic 3 steps to living a balanced live, productivity-wise: stay on top of what you're on the hook for, make progress on your personal plans, and then goof off stress-free because you're on the ball. Second, we'll divide the books into three sections:
   
   
4. Mental stuff
   
5. Practical-action stuff
   
6. Health stuff
   
   Starting out with practical applied psychology (i.e. the "mental" stuff), in order:
   
   

• Mindset: (Carol Dweck) Introduces the concept that we have one of two mindsets about any given situation: fixed (can't be changed) or growth (can be changed). i.e. "I can't cook" or "I'm great at guitar". You are the gatekeeper to action in your own life. To quote Wayne Gretzsky, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Followed up by a Henry Ford quote: "Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right." Having a growth mindset means many things, including that setbacks are okay but that you can keep going, that you can change things, that you can improve, that you can get good at things, etc. If you tell yourself no, then you'll never take the first step, and thus you'll never get anything done in whatever specific situation you find yourself in.
  
• Attitude is Everything: (Jeff Keller) A book written in conversational-style English about how much attitude affects literally everything you do in life. A quick read & really enlightens the concepts from the Mindset book, in practice.
  
• Feeling Good: (David Burns) Introduces the concept that thoughts create emotions. Thus, you feel how you think about things. This is hugely important in the world of productivity because we are driven by motivation; the way you feel about things dictates what goals you set & what actions you take. You ever not do something because "I didn't feel like it"? Well, there you go!
  
• Ten Days to Self-Esteem: (David Burns) Companion book to "Feeling Good". It's a 1.5-week workbook that walks you through identifying & auditing what your inner voice is saying. Your inner voice is how you think & we tend to believe everything we think, regardless of whether it's true or not. We have a lot of negative & fixed-mindset things that we say to ourselves throughout the day, which inhibit us from taking action or feeling good about things.
  
  So the takeaways here are: have a growth mindset, have a positive attitude, realize that thoughts create emotions, and audit your inner voice (aka your "thinking" voice) to support your productivity actions. This is really important stuff & I feel like the psychology of productivity is often overlooked, when in fact we're all emotional beings & are driven by various things such as motivation, willpower, determination, commitment, pride, and so on. Getting your mental game in check will enable you to do virtually anything you want to go after.
  
  Next up is the practical implementation (i.e. what do you actually have to DO?) of productivity:
  
  
• Getting Things Done: (David Allen) Also referred to as "GTD". Out of all of the books on this list, I consider this a must-read. This book basically teaches you how to convert wishes ("I want to do this" or "I need to do this" or "I should do this") into reality. Not in a BS way, but by using a concrete workflow, in the form of an off-brain database (as opposed to keeping it all in your head). The core concept is to capture 100% of all of your commitments, process them into concrete, executable "next-actions", and then put reminders of those individual next-actions on a list or on your calendar. This way, you never lose anything, you never forget anything, and you know exactly what to DO next. I can't express how useful this book has been in my life. It's an amazing system. Not easy to adopt, but super easy to maintain once you get going!
  
• Unleash the Warrior Within: (Richard Mack Machowicz) The core takeaway from this book is that if you want to get things done, you need to setup targets, knock them down, and repeat that process. Like if you went out to an archery range: you would setup some bullseye targets, then use your bow & arrow to knock them down, and then go out & setup the targets again. That's how progress is made in life, and more especially, if you want to do anything more than just show up for work & live a reactive life, you have to learn how to setup your own targets, then knock them down, then setup more targets, so that you're making progress over time. Really simple but really brilliant concept!
  
• Grit: (Angela Duckworth) Presents a very simple, yet very powerful concept: the way to be successful is to simply stick with stuff until you've achieved your goal, or if it's something like a lifetime of learning say the piano, simply sticking with it. Failure happens when you quit. Success doesn't mean a smooth road, because you will have lots of setbacks along the way, but sticking with it, even when it's hard or boring or your screw up, is how you achieve success. Before you dive into the book, first, watch this TED Talk by the author. Second, read this inspirational quote by Michael Jordon.
  
• The Talent Code: (Daniel Coyle) The structure behind how talent works & how to develop it. Really amazing for learning how to develop talents you're interested in.
  
• Atomic Habits: (James Clear) The structure behind how habits work & how to develop them, and how to make them work for you.
  
  part 1/3

I'm days late to the party but still wanted to reply.

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"All of them and none of them" is going to be ( albeit frustratingly ) your best answer haha!

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Like most philosophy its a bit like fine art... meant to be thought provoking yet very personally interpreted. The empty spaces between concepts laid out by words are where the real value is. So really you are trying to capture the 'accurate' feeling of those gaps, of that nothingness.

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Yet at the same time one of the best concepts from the Tao Te Ching is simply that if you can put it into words then it is not 'the eternal tao'. Really this means that it cannot be neatly defined by language. This makes the fact, that we require translations, to be less impactful on our attempts to understand the text.

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So I cannot answer you as you would like. But I can honestly say that this is because there really is not a best translation. I own many different copies and related works ( on mentoring, on parenting, on this on that etc etc ) simply because there is not a single best iteration.

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I have ended up favoring two copies both of which are actually 'illustrated' - but do not hate on illustrations! Since they are illustrated I leave them out in the open like coffee table book style. Over time I've grown fond of them and their particular translations. Worth noting, the illustrated aspect of both books came AFTER the translating work... as in these authors didn't set out to make pictures they set out to translate accurately first then after many years made illustrated versions.

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One is by Stephen Mitchell. He is a renown translator. His Book

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The other is by Man-Ho Kwok, Martin Palmer, Jay Ramsay w/ calligraphy by Kwok-Lap Chan. Link for convenience

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I also found this on Mentoring and this classic on Parenting to both be very good.

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Final thought. I wanted to address your direct inquiry honestly ( ie: cannot label a 'best' ) but also provide some specific works that I have found value in. I also want to make a final recommendation to learn about Taoist philosophy. The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet. Amazon Link to box set of the two.

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Those two books are excellent for the studied as well as the unfamiliar reader. They thoughtfully explain how Winnie the Pooh is almost a perfect representation of taoist principles and concepts. I found these two books to be a really great way for me to personally cement philosophical concepts to real world practice. Having to read and think about full situations ( even if cartoon ) really helped me to memorize practical take-aways.

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So in summary, the TL;DR is this...

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• No best translation. This is not bad though, the exact translation doesn't matter so much. Literally the first words in the Tao Te Ching are saying if you can use words to describe it accurately then you are not actually describing the Tao. So its a "feeling" you learn over time, not a definition you memorize succinctly
  
• On the Tao Te Ching - I highly recommend, since they are cheap and short, to obtain several copies. One copy I linked, by Man-Ho Kwok, has a 20 page intro which dives into detail and nuance of translating. I found this highly insightful which is why I recommend to learn about the translation process a bit.
  
• If you want to learn about Taoism in general ( just as recommended as reading the tao te ching ) then I recommend Tao of Pooh and Te of Piglet.
  
• I would also recommend to pick up related works like the one on Mentoring for example. Have kids? Get the parenting one too. Works such as these take the core principles of the Tao Te Ching and describe discuss and 'illustrate' their meaning for the reader. Thinking about these concepts in as many ways and situations in life as possible truly helps to further your understanding - and solidify the memories.
  
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  Whether you just want to explore a copy, or dive headfirst into The Way, I hope you can find some of this advice helpful!
  
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I have a job where I get to help people, friends who I can laugh with, a faith community that reminds me to be grateful and keeps me grounded, and most importantly a family that reminds me how good I have it. I also learned not to worry about others, and being 20 years out of high school, am now seeing the friends who I thought were successful were not. I know what I like and now have the financial means to do more of it. And I don't care about what others think of me anymore. It really sounds like you have this as well.

Happiness is a state of mind. Mental illness messes with your mind and affects your thinking and health. Having been in the majorly depressed camp I'd encourage you to go to your doctor for a good physical, and, barring any medical conditions, then try a mental health professional. And work to build meaningful and deep friendships - that provide support and not just activities. It changed my life for the better.

After you get the doctor stuff squared away a good book to read on building meaningful friendships is Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship.

> TL;DR: I'm 22 and have only had one relationship. How do I meet new girls to date? Specifically, how do I approach them in a bar/club and during the day?

A couple of thoughts to help you out:

First, remind yourself of this "Guys are just really ugly girls." (It's a metaphor OK, don't go too far with it) and ask yourself if you're comfortable talking to strange (to you) males? If the answer is "no," then you need to work on the basics of conversing with others. So, start with the basics:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes

How to Instantly Connect with Anyone by Leil Lowndes

How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor

If you've got basic "conversation / small-talk with strangers" nailed, then there is a fair amount of good material out there on how to start conversations with girls; and how to interact with them in a positive way. See:

The big honking list of openers put out by TSB and the books The Game, The Mystery Method, and/or The Pickup Artist.

Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction is a valuable read as well.

FWIW, I think you'll get more useful answers to a question like this on /r/seduction. /r/relationship_advice seems geared more towards managing an existing relationship, whereas /r/seduction is heavily focused on the "initiation phase." There is a TON of material out there on how to overcome anxiety about approaching women, TONS of stuff on how to be a better conversationalist, stuff on how to amp her attraction for you, etc., etc.

Two links that might be of use to you:

New to Seddit?

Fast Seduction.com "You Are New"

Good luck!

By design, the better the work of art is, the less visible are the seams and devices. Even art that subscribes to the post-modernist aesthetic actually hides its main devices even as it pretends to expose some other, less relevant ones.

For that reason, outside deep analysis (which often requires skills as opposed to teaching them), great books are bad teachers of the art. On the other hand, bad books that occasionally expose the techniques are best for learning what needs to be done and how not to conceal it. For example, you can read a Dostoyevskian tortured character in a terrible work of fiction to see what the mechanisms of such a character are actually like, and then you can turn back to Dostoyevski and attempt to see through the actually well-crafted illusion again.

Right now I happen to be reading the satirical fake autobiography I, Partridge. By no means is it a bad book. It's actually great. What it does is satirize a really, really bad one. The "author" character (Alan Partridge himself) constantly attempts literary techniques, often failing miserably and sometimes explaining them halfway through. It's clever stuff and occasionally a riot. The book actually works as a biographical novel turned inside out, as if indeed written by a person who understands the letter but not the spirit of literature. So there's that too: good books that are didactic to a writer because they lampoon bad ones. But it still curves back to bad books being best textbooks and vice versa. edit: A little excerpt from "I, Partridge" to illustrate the above. Have a chuckle.

None of that is enough, of course. You will need to gain practical and theoretical knowledge. Without reading up and thinking hard about what art and fiction in general and art of the written word (as opposed to spoken etc.) in particular is, without having answered the questions of "why write?" and "why read?" (and whether the seemingly obvious, layman's answers to these ever cut it), you can only hope to luck into good writing, which is what, one in a million if you're really diligent? So, why would a person enjoy a written story? Why precisely would a person be interested in some fiction and not other fiction? How is a story told naturally? Imagine a person sitting in front of you. What imaginary thing could you tell them to make them nonetheless interested? What's the cognitive difference between perceived fiction and non-fiction? What is the actual relation between, say, character and plot? Why do plots exist and can they really be omitted? Why exactly is such a device as a character so common? What is the disparity between the way you retell a real event and tell an imaginary event and is there a difference between these in your mind, in the narrative world, in the listener's/reader's mind? Would you like said difference to persist, improve on it, cherish it, or, alternatively, do away with it and go for what's called a "natural narrative"? (And why, and how, etc. etc. would you go about it?) Cornerstone questions like these stay unanswered for quite a number of authors who, as a result, stumble blindly through art, sometimes for their whole careers.

Thanks for this question! I’ve had some really close friendships come to an end and honestly I think about those friends pretty regularly, even years later. My friend Rachel Wilkerson Miller who I spoke to in my reporting has a really interesting perspective on how to evaluate friendships that I think would be helpful here. She talks about it in her book, The Art of Showing Up (preorder it here!). Basically, she says that relationships can weigh on your time, your money and your energy: TME. And so if you use these three concepts to evaluate the relationships that are important to you, it can be clarifying. Like, if a friendship requires you to be expending a lot of time and energy on it but that person isn’t really giving back in a way that nourishes you, it’s ok to let it go.

As for when folks move away, I have a lot of family that lives in Brazil so I have some experience with long distance friendships/relationships. I find that establishing some kind of regular check in — weekly, biweekly or even monthly — and sticking to it can take the pressure off both parties to keep maintaining the relationship. Also, give yourself permission to send a little silly emoji or a “hi, I’m thinking of you” text occasionally to keep in touch. It’s ok to be busy and to struggle finding the time. Releasing yourself from the pressure of having to send a BIG, meaningful email or text can be really helpful. — Julia

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.

I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.

I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.

There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.

• Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
  
  
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
  
  
• Stop Being Lonely: Three Simple Steps to Developing Close Friendships and Deep Relationships
  
  Hope this helps!

I spent 19 years in a mismatched sex drive relationship and your conversations sound very similar to mine. What I’ve learned post-divorce is that just complaining about it or bringing it up isn’t enough. Sex, with the physical intimacy it brings, is how you feel loved and validated. Your partner probably doesn’t understand that and has a misconception about it. My ex just thought I was like a horny teenager, she never knew how painful it was for me to not receive love from her through physical intimacy and sex.

My advice is pretty specific - Love and relationships require work. Get a couples counselor and do the work. Propose it as something to maintain your relationship, not as a fix. Your partner likely doesn’t comprehend your need for physical intimacy.

I highly recommend these books - They have revolutionized my life post-divorce. They help me communicate my needs and help my partners understand how we can both benefit from relationship maintenance.


The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01JBQGD0E/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_QrhQDbQCEX9WP


The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_FthQDbT299CF8

Disclaimer: There is a component of religion in these books, but even as an atheist, I still encourage you to read them.

I don’t know if it counts but my friend recently purchased “In Case Nobody Told You” for me and I love it. It’s not strictly positivity but encouragement and reassurances that I find really comforting. Link on Amazon.

Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends https://www.amazon.com/dp/1630263419/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oB9rDbAH785N2

Messy Beautiful Friendship: Finding and Nurturing Deep and Lasting Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/0801019370/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_LC9rDbFCY434W

Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1580056075/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_-D9rDbXA03VSK

My first break up is still my worst.
It was my 17th birthday (and also the day before he left for college) and me and my ex-bf decided to go to the fair that was in town. First of all he forgot it was my birthday and proceeds to try to win me a stuffed animal as a present (he didn't). Then after spending the whole day together it was time to go, he then hands me a plastic bag and kisses on the forehead then just leaves.....After getting to my car I open the bag to find the blue day book and my year book which he had borrowed to write in. He had written a break up letter in my year book, basically saying that he liked my tits but he wanted to be free for college since I hadn't given it up yet. I couldn't even tear out the page either since he wrote on page with a bunch of other friends signatures, so I still have. Yay highschool memories!

Title: How to Make Friends in College and Afterwards
Genre: Self help

Word Count: 3,489 words


Available: For free on Amazon.com purchase it here.


Summary: This handy guide will offer great tips on how to meet people and make friends, whether you are a student commuting to a local college, or find yourself miles away from home in a brand new state, learn how navigate the social scene with advice on finding clubs, joining fraternities and sororities, to how to meet new people after you graduate .

Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions: Engaging the Mystery of Friendship Between Men and Women https://www.amazon.com/dp/0982580703/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ShiZDb5AQKYK6

Also:
(FYI, this guy is a REAL asshole with zero self-awareness IRL, but his arguments and principles in the book are good. I was in a FB group with both of these guys. Dan is a true mentor and teacher. Josh is a jerk.)
Forbidden Friendships: Retaking the Biblical Gift of Male-Female Friendship https://www.amazon.com/dp/B012DMEUNU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4iiZDbBBTAYAN

I don't get into a lot of non-fiction in that genre but I enjoyed Sacred Ties by Tom Carhart. If you're looking for something meatier, The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn is a great read.

"How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" by Leil Lowndes.
and/or
"How to Be a People Magnet: Finding Friends - and Lovers - and Keeping Them for Life" by Leil Lowndes

I have not found one specific book that caused a huge improvement in my social skills, rather small bits from lots of different types of books have slowly helped me improve over the years:

• The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Temple Grandin and Sean Barron
  
• Difficult Conversations -Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
  
• The Green Zone - Joel Shaun - I've had people laugh at me about this one, it is a resource for children but it helped me to visualise some of my own social problems better. It absolutely may not be helpful for other people.
  
• Essential Listening Skills for Busy School Staff - Might seem very specific, but it's a short book (97 pages) and I found it quite useful because it really offers simple advice for handling what can be quite emotionally charged but brief conversations. The advice is not just limited to school staff.
  
• Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life - Marshall Rosenberg
  
• Asperger Syndrome and Social Relationships - Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon
  
• Been There, Done That, Try This! - Tony Attwood and Various

I used to read to kindergarten classes often; the two most popular books were The Gift of Nothing and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. My personal favorite was the Little Bear series

Read this book The Friendship Factor it's pretty good.

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Ah, then the book you are looking for is How to Make People like you in 90 Seconds or Less

But seriously, nothing will beat just going out there and talking with random people (preferably outside of work til you get better at it). Once you have the confidence to talk and flirt with strangers outside of work, continue doing that at work.

The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for
by Alan Loy McGinnis
Link: https://amzn.com/0806635711

I just finished reading How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less and the author has a similar opinion. In order to achieve your goal you need to know what you want, find what you're getting and change the way you're interacting until you get what you want. This can be abbreviated to KFC (know, find, change). Just read the book, it was really eye-opening. He explains how you can control conversations by copying your conversation partner's body language to make him feel good in a familiar evironment.

Read the following two books. They will help you quite a bit.

How to Talk to Anyone

How to Be a People Magnet

Found it!

http://www.amazon.com/Blue-Day-Book-Cheering-Yourself/dp/0740791877/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373473630&sr=1-3

I've got you, friend.

Try How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor.