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Reddit mentions of How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
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Reddit mentions: 11
We found 11 Reddit mentions of How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. Here are the top ones.
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|Release date||September 2003|
Alright, some tips.
This is really a tough one because you don't have any sense as to how people really see you, that's been distorted by abuse. In my case when I was small, my nMom used to introduce me to people as a storyteller and just sometimes flat out said no one could trust a word out of my mouth. It's been decades, but it continues to have an effect on me, but it is slowly getting better.
What I've learned is to realize a few things. We are all so hyperconscious of our outer personas/masks (and we ALL wear them, even "healthy" people) that we forget to actually pay attention to other people. So all those things you worry about? No one is really paying attention, they are too worried about how you see THEM. The people that can get through the masks to the painful parts underneath are either genuinely nice people who want to know more about you, or narcs that want to manipulate and use you. No wonder there is a cause to be wary when you can't easily tell the difference.
I've found for me, the part of the cure is to ask questions and be interested in the answers, even if my brain wants to panic and doubt people's motives. Also, a big issue is that you have no social skills. None. They've been obliterated or were never allowed to be learned. So, learn some. I've found this book to be very helpful - 92 tips on how to talk to anyone.
The trick is to take just one of these tips and PRACTICE. You aren't going to be a social butterfly overnight, but you don't have to accept a life without friends, either.
It's also really, really important not to see any one person who has offered you friendship as a lifeline. If you only have ONE friend, then their impact and importance to you (earned or not) escalate in your life and you become the kind of person other people want to avoid or use. Make LOTS of casual friends, see them as trials and stick with the ones that make you feel the best about yourself.
And if someone turns out to be a jerk or just plain uninteresting after you get to know them a bit better? Use your new-found skill at establishing boundaries and move on.
It's a little more dangerous with work friends, especially with someone who has authority over you - I would continue to be outwardly friendly and work my ass off for your senior associate. You already want something from her (a pleasant working environment and a good reference) that may not survive diving down into your paranoia, so ask questions about her work experience and listen to her answers, leading into more questions. Keep it professional until you feel more confident, and practice your social communication tips. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
It's never easy doing something that you are afraid of. Remember, other people are afraid, too, and the only way out is to find out who they are and what they want by asking questions and being interested in the answers.
> The only thing i could do would be to try online dating
Try it! I've had three dates, and the woman I met for the third date wants another one. Sure, it's not much, but it's three more actual dates than I had previously :P
> and there i have no idea what to say to the girls. I'm horrible at all internet conversations, they always end right away since none of us has anything to say.
Questions. People love to talk about themselves, and they like that you're interested. And if they happen to have an interest or experience similar to yours, you can go "Oh, cool, I also [blah blah blah]".
In another thread there was a discussion about which books to read. How to Talk to Anyone is a good one, but the super-duper bedrock basement thing I'd emphasizes is to be curious.
Questions are good because people want to feel like you're interested in them. The big mistake people make is that they get nervous that they have nothing cute or smart or impressive to say, but you don't need to have amazing anecdotes of shark-wrestling or perfectly-delivered quips to be a good conversationalist. Those might not hurt, but ultimately, you want to find out more about the person you're talking to. Not just to demonstrate that you're a good listener, but because you don't want to be stuck with someone it turns out is awful :P If you don't ask questions, you'll never find out if that cute girl likes hiking and volunteering at the animal shelter, or if she's a member of an apocalyptic aryan brotherhood offshoot cult that's waiting for the End Times Race War.
Unless the End Times Race War cult is your thing, in which case imagine losing out on that girl because you never got to know her! ;)
Well I can say most people are awkward in middle school, and most of them grow out of it, so maybe take some comfort in knowing it wont last forever.
If you want specific advice at getting better at talking to people, I really liked this book.
How do you know people like you if they won't chat with you? It could be you're doing something you don't notice that really turns people off, like being constantly negative or arrogant, or interrupting people or not giving people opportunities to talk as much as you do, or even something little like standing awkwardly close.
If they ignore you maybe you aren't speaking up enough, don't expect people to invite you into conversations by asking you things, invite them into conversation by asking them questions, people love to talk about themselves. Similarly if you find no one invites you to hang out after school, see movies, etc, make sure you are inviting others to do these things, a lot of people just expect others to invite them to things but don't realize that they're not making the effort they expect of everyone else.
Also, make sure your hygiene is good, shower everyday and use deodorant, people wont want to hang out around someone that smells so there's a chance that holds you back (not saying its true just throwing it out there just in case).
Continuing a conversation is a skill that takes work to learn, so if you keep it up you should get the hang of it eventually.
Sorry this info is pretty generic but you didn't give many details so I could only guess at what your issues might be.
If it helps any sir you are NOT alone in those preferences- I have a really hard time enjoying games or movies without good narrative and/or strong story lines too. So yeah I'm also driven up the wall by how frequently popular movies/shows/games completely fail in the thematic or plot departments! Ugh.
Also for what it's worth, as a fellow introvert who needs help striking up appropriate conversations with people a times, I found and read this book and saw it help me a bit: How to Talk to Anyone
Already read it. Heres my review:
“How to Talk to Anyone, 92 Tips” [365 pages] 6.8/10 (4/7/19) Leil Lowndes
Summary: Leil Lowndes goes through her personal experiences as a social training teacher to help the reader with guidelines she has used throughout her teaching.
Review: This book has some tips I believe may be useful that I will attempt and analyze the results of but the author, like many other authors of socialization books, seems much to caught up in an image of a “social ladder” she has created, and hypothetically, is too willing to stand on the heads of those below her on this “social ladder”.
After reading How to Win Friends & Influence People, I read How to Talk to Anyone after seeing it recommended on a self-improvement blog. Even though it didn't have quite the same impact as the first book, it did introduce me to a few techniques like waiting a bit before smiling at someone you just met as a way of appearing more genuine.
Here are a couple of resources that I've transferred over to Table Topics (Impromptu Speaking). And to echo others, yes, practice is the key.
Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a world that can't stop talking
Fantastic advice for those that are introverts, basically 'plan' your impromptu speaking by having 2-3 ready to tell stories that work in almost any given situation (http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153)
How to talk to anyone.
Great book for social situations. Many of the lesson translate to impromptu (http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships-ebook/dp/B000SEI4V0/)
How to win friends and influence people (need I say any more?)
Don Hewitt, Tell me a story (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4HQazDTPwk)
How to talk to Anyone http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships-ebook/dp/B000SEI4V0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1407347848&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=how+to+talk+to+anyone.
How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie.
The bottom line is you have to take a genuine interest in the stories of other people. That's what makes someone fun to talk to.
Or Mark Manson's book "Models". He also has a connection course at his website for 30 bucks. Worth it if you're struggling with this.
There are a few books that may help, How To Win Friends and Influence People, How to Talk to Anyone, People Styles at Work
Other than that, you might try some relaxing apps or apps that deal with social anxiety.
Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and Leil Lowndes' How to Talk to Anyone are great books with really practical social advice, since your sister is shy. Reading both of those made me think a lot about my social interactions with people and really strive to improve.