(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best parenting teenagers books

I understand your fears. My parents did so many things wrong and I was scared about making the same mistakes and pressured myself hard to make better and different choices with my kid.

I can tell you that you won't make the same mistakes. What other parents told me (before I was parent) was the fact that if I'm even worried about it now, I will already make me a better parent. Shitty parents don't worry about stuff like this.

I would suggest probably getting some therapy to work out whatever fears/issues you have before having kids. I started therapy when my kid was 2 because I was struggling (they're 13 now) because I didn't feel confident in what I was doing. Honestly, I don't know any parent that feels 100% confident, but you can feel like you're doing a pretty good job.

Children need to feel that they can succeed through their own efforts. This is why helicopter parenting is really detrimental. If you never let them strike out on their own, how will they learn and grow from their mistakes and choices? How will they gain confidence when they overcome an obstacle and succeed if you're doing everything for them?

Your kids will always need your help. Your job is to help them realize that through learning, natural consequences, and internal validation, they can and will be successful, capable, and confident adults.

I really liked these parenting books here:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0743525086

And this one: https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504723615&sr=1-1&keywords=mindset

And this one here (and I'd still recommend it to parents of boys as well. Doesn't matter if you have only boys): https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504723655&sr=1-1&keywords=untangled

This is also a really interesting read and has helped me as well: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_14?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+child+whisperer&sprefix=The+Child+whis%2Cstripbooks%2C139&crid=26CCWQN87K6MP

Also a therapy technique called Inner Bonding. Anyone can learn it and it's easy to teach to kids as well: /r/ibtherapy.

1. Watch Dr. Barkley's videos for parents of children with ADHD. They can give you great insight on how you need to adjust what you are doing to promote her success.
   
   
2. Read the book "How to Raise an Adult". While it isn't specific to ADHD, it's an absolutely incredible book on setting boundaries, structuring environments and moving children toward mature thinking and independent task completion.
   
   
3. Read about positive behavioral support systems and functional communication training. This website has a lot of good information, but a quick google search will provide you with wonderful information.
   
   
4. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Not sure where you live, but most cities have at least one person who is an expert on positive behavioral support or a parenting coach.

Online, Guttmacher is a great resource with plenty of papers that can help you familiarize yourself with the data in an easy and approachable way. Most places that use statistics- even anti-abortion ones- are pulling those numbers from studies published by Guttmacher. Rewire is also a nice spot to get up-to-date news regarding abortion (and other reproductive health topics) from a pro-choice perspective.

As far as books go:

• "The Means of Reproduction: Sex, Power, and the Future of the World Paperback" by Michelle Goldberg
  
  
• "How the Pro-Choice Movement Saved America: Freedom, Politics and the War on Sex" by Cristina Page
  
  
• "Willing and Unable: Doctors' Constraints in Abortion Care" by Lori R. Freedman
  
  
• "Who Decides: The Abortion Rights of Teens" by J. Shoshanna Ehrlich
  
  Those are all on my bookshelf right now, and all very educational and informative, although it's hard to know exactly what you need, if you're still in the "overall entry" stage of the topic.

I bet even you employed eye rolls and sarcasm and 'that tone' and pretending not to hear and passive aggressive resistance. You just thought you were respectful, since after all that was your intent. Because here's another secret: adolescents genuinely don't perceive things the way adults do.

They see their comically exaggerated responses as normal and are honestly surprised when you react badly. They sincerely believe that they are the reasonable ones and you are the one who is overreacting. And you can't convince them otherwise - they are young and see things through an immature lens. As the adult, your only hope is to mentally adjust for that. And trust time and maturity to do its job. It's the same way we got through the toddler tantrum stage, except that is training you never received.

Edit to add: I think this book might be a good one for you: Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers. Riera tends to take a pragmatic approach to raising teens, and he has a lot of interesting insights. https://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Sense-Parents-Teenagers-Third/dp/1607743469/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467917285&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+sense+for+parents+with+teenagers

Good job with Bright Futures and National Merit - those two with a couple of other small scholarships and some part-time work at best buy let me pay for my Bachelors degree without taking student loans.

$12,000 a year for housing seems kind of high. Are you living on campus? If not, you may want to shop around a bit for different housing options.


Maybe buy a copy of "How to Raise an Adult" and leave it on your parent's night stand or coffee table if they're the kind that are capable of taking hints.

First piece of advice is one I heard from a child psychologist once -- eye rolling is just a voluntary muscle reaction. In otherwords, try not to make it such a big deal when a kid does this. If you can find the ability to ignore such behaviors, you give the behaviors less power.

The looks and friend things is such a big deal. It really sucks to be a kid these days -- so much pressure with social media etc.

I worry greatly about how self-conscious many girls are.

Does she do a sport or anything? Research is showing that girls who actively participate in a sport or two have an easier adolescence.

There is a book I really like and I recommend it all the time on the board --

https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl-ebook/dp/B008S0JUA0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504644076&sr=8-1&keywords=i+hate+you+but+first+can+you+drive+me+to+the+mall

I also really like this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood-ebook/dp/B00XSSQYRY/ref=zg_bs_157620011_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=A7TXN8SZG32DVBW9MSV7

When she starts with the therapist, one thing you might want to do is have the therapist give you strategies for home.

Also, as the mom of a couple of girls, I worry about them all the time. There is just a lot of garbage out there. What I do though is try to be there for them and give them enough support at home to navigate the world out there.

Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:


amazon.com

amazon.co.uk

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amazon.com.au

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amazon.com.mx

amazon.de

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I currently look here: amazon.com, amazon.co.uk, amazon.ca, amazon.com.au, amazon.in, amazon.com.mx, amazon.de, amazon.it, amazon.es, amazon.com.br, amazon.nl, amazon.co.jp, amazon.fr, if you would like your local version of Amazon adding please contact my creator.

I'm pretty sure he picked one of these books up at the bookstore in Pittsburgh when Ellie wasn't lookin'! =)

And, I'm fairly certain that she caused him to consult it frequently in the beginning of their relationship! ;-)

Because it doesn't have any affect on you? It takes a lot to care about something that doesn't concern you. I think you need more exposure to what really goes on with gay people and how they see things. Think of it this way -- many gay people not only have to deal with the same issues straight people have to go though growing up, but then they also have to deal with being hated for a single trait difference. I think after knowing what gay people go though you'll care more. If your library has it, try reading Two Teenagers in 20 (ISBN: 1-55583-282-2); Amazon. I think that book does a good job at giving a glimpse at what many gay adults have gone though.

Congrats OP.


This should be helpful.

https://www.amazon.com/OMG-My-Son-GAY-Ultimate-ebook/dp/B0080QPVZU

I highly recommend the book Girl Power by Hillary Carlip. I read this book when I was probably 11 or 12 and it blew my mind. It definitely made me very interested in the riot grrrl and diy/zine stuff in particular.

I didn't read your full post. But from what I read, you should consider reading (or listening) to the book Untangled. I just listened to it and it was tremendously helpful as a parent of a 6th grade/11 year old daughter.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393073/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_K4elzb52PM78C

You'd be surprised. There's a lot of wealthy people in wealthy enclaves in lower peninsula that talk the talk about standard liberal values, but get worried every time they drive through east palo alto when they see signs in spanish or ever have to deal with it themselves in person.

There's actually a book that was recommended to me about this specific topic that's coming in the mail later this week:
https://www.amazon.com/White-Kids-Privilege-Racially-Perspectives/dp/1479803685/

We literally just yesterday bought this book which we haven’t read yet, but it came highly recommended.

It says she died in March 2012, and her charity The Jemima Layzell Trust was set up in August 2015, which means the eight-people transplantations must have been public knowledge back then. I first thought possibly the reason this is in the news now is that her book has just come out, but not even that is true, because the book came out in 2013.

So, err, not to put a damper on anything or anyone, but why has the Guardian's Sarah Boseley published an article on this now?

And is eight even still the record after all those years?

Is there something I'm missing here? I don't get it.

The two that have stuck with me:

When Labels don’t fit
This one helped me just think differently about things. More analytical and to look for patterns with behaviors.

I’d Listen to my parents if they’d just shut up
This one, I loved the title, but also reminded me to listen(and not react). I’ve become a professional at the non-response response. (“Mmm hmmm”, the silent nod, “I hear you”.)

There’s a host of others I’ve read through the years that I’ll try to add later.

SO many baby books are straight up BS, or one single concept stretched out into a whole book etc. New parents are hungry for content, so there's a lot of useless stuff out there trying to capitalize on it. In essense, using the internet to search for info on specific topics is probably better than buying books.

But there are two that had a real, lasting impact on my parenting and my view of parenting overall.

The first is Baby 411. This book is basically the infant/toddler user manual. No fluff, it's just straight forward facts and info on everything you ACTUALLY need to know.

The second is a little forward looking, but it's so important to develop these habits early for both you and your child. It's called How To Raise an Adult and I really think every modern parent needs to read this book.

Also, Dirty Little Secrets by Kerry Cohen Hoffman.

http://www.amazon.com/Scapegoat-Generation-Americas-War-Adolescents/dp/1567510809/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218701956&sr=8-1

It doesn't mention the stat in the review, but this is where I first heard it, although I had both a political science and a sociology professor say the same thing.

This website has a roughly similar, but not identical stat:

http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAbout/articles_prevent_teen_pregnancy.asp

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Your-Emotions-Life-Teens/dp/1572248831

Stepmonster was great. I read half the damn book to FH. May I recommend some books for parents of preteens in general--may help you understand why she is the way she is.

Get out of my life!

Untangled

My personality type dictates that I have a really hard time sympathizing with people. I did a shit ass job of trying to understand my SD12's feelings for like three years. I also resented her and had too much anger directed at her instead of where it was supposed to go (myself for how I reacted to her). Finally all clicked for me a year ago and I read a lot of books to get me to that point (I was also against having children....until I met her!) Good luck and hang in there.

Good parenting. Allowing children to make mistakes and suffer the consequences is part of their growth. Just follow up with a discussion, where you ask questions about what choices she made and what she needs to change. Also, may want to suggest she discuss her mistake with the teacher.

Book on point called How to Raise an Adult.

NTA. Don't get your hopes up for a meaningful response though or take any response you do get personally. In my experience, young adults can drop friends for really lame reasons, including jealousy, fear of rejection, or just having new life experiences that they don't think you'll accept or identify with. I think jealousy is a very common reason around puberty. I had best friends suddenly stop talking to me for a month, only to apologize later and say it was because they both thought I was the most likable (friendship-wise) of the three of us, so they wanted to get me back for "them not being as special" according to them, which is ridiculous. There is likely no harm in asking. Sorry your daughter is dealing with social issues. Kids can be so cruel and take out insecurities in awful ways. If you DO decide to see a counselor, there is that added benefit of asking for help for your daughter as well. Perhaps you can take this approach with friend A -- tell her that your daughter's experiences reminded you of what happened, rather than saying its been bothering you for as long as it has, if you want. By the way, I gave this book to a friend who has a daughter, maybe it would be of interest to you: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, PhD. She also just released one called Under Pressure about stress and anxiety in girls. Good luck.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553393073/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D23HK1J/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?psc=1