Reddit mentions: The best bidets

https://www.upspringbaby.com/collections/c-panty
It has a silicone panel that pushes against the incision to minimize scarring.

https://www.amazon.com/BlenderBottle-SportMixer-Tritan-Bottle-28-Ounce/dp/B01M021YK8/ref=sr_1_17
I liked using the my Blender Bottle for water while breastfeeding, because it had a wide opening, and I'd chug the whole thing down as fast as I could, because I'd be so thirsty. (just take the blender ball out)

https://www.amazon.com/My-Brest-Friend-Nursing-Comfortable/dp/B00PC3K7OE/ref=sr_1_1
A good nursing pillow. Mom's Breast Friend was the gold standard when my babies were born, but there are a lot of other choices now.

https://www.amazon.com/Priva-Waterproof-Protector-Absorbency-Guaranteed/dp/B000FOA7BS/ref=sr_1_7
Absorbant mats like what they use on hospital beds for all the spills and leaks and everything else. These are great for so much: leaky boobs, changing babies anywhere and everywhere, etc etc. I still use them, and my kids are 7 and 9. They're handy to put on the bed when someone has a tummy bug.

Dry Shampoo

A toilet bidet attachment. Something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Tibbers-Self-Cleaning-Retractable-Non-Electric-Mechanical/dp/B07VRQHMJF/ref=sr_1_12?crid=28MRK9BCKEGPL There are a ton of options.

Thanks again for the tips... I’ve updated my original post now a few times.

I did end up getting a Peri Bottle which is like a portable bidet. It’s helps a lot in keeping the area clean but not needing 7000 showers a day 😂

I’m still the pantsless wonder for now, but god I’m hoping next week to get out of the house.

I take about 15 seconds of just splashing warm water on my face, then I gently massage my cleanser on my face and neck in small circles for 30-60 seconds depending on what cleanser I am using. It takes me 30-60 seconds to rinse which also depends on the cleanser I am using. I use a portable bidet bottle like This one to get a really good rinse and it works great to rinse my neck. Plus I don't make as big of a mess as I used to. I always get so much water on the counters, mirror, and walls. I roll a towel up and line the front and side of the sink and put a couple washcloths on the back of the sink, so I don't have to spend as much time cleaning up. My portable bidet bottle is one of my Holy grails, lol. I also wear my Ta Ta towel when I am washing my face so that I don't have water rolling down and going underneath my boobs.

Thanks!
They make bidets like this and you can use them to spray the diapers directly into the toilet. People also use them for cloth pads too! They even make a little sprayer shield you clip the diapers or pads to so the water doesn’t spray out everywhere. A lot of women like this kind of bidet because they are hand held and you can get a more precise front wash.

YES! Albustar Music＆Phone Bidet, Detachable Bluetooth Speaker, Non-Electric Mechanical Dual Nozzle, Answer Calls, Play and Switch Songs, Easy to Install. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078FMD361/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_0drZAbSHXZQCF

Well you could give her something like this as a replacement for the jet :

https://www.amazon.de/HAPPYPO-Easy-Bidet-Po-Dusche-Weiß-Reisebeutel/dp/B07GBS74KF/ref=sr_1_5?__mk_de_DE=ÅMÅŽÕÑ&keywords=happy+po&qid=1567200101&s=gateway&sr=8-5

Well the more expensive solution is a Bidet or even a japanese toilet.

Its practice, first 2-3 times you won't get the position right and you'll spray the inner cheek, or on the taint or crack.

Afterwards you'll know the position and you can start on low pressure to get the aim down before you start blasting.

I had a million bidet questions until I finally just bought one for $30 on amazon. After I used it it clicked and I realized how great it is. I mean, its just like taking a shower for your asshole. I thought I'd have to like wipe and use it, but every time I wiped after using the bidet it was 100% clean. Wipe to dry and call it a day.

https://www.amazon.com/Tibbers-Self-Cleaning-Retractable-Non-Electric-Mechanical/dp/B07VRQHMJF/ref=lp_686953011_1_4?s=kitchen-bath&ie=UTF8&qid=1573521093&sr=1-4

Nice joke... I finally figured it out. But, no, a hand held bidet is permanently attached to the lines going into your toilet and uses very little water to clean after urinating.

http://www.amazon.com/Brondell-CS-30-CleanSpa-Hand-Bidet/dp/B008CRQWFK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1412202268&sr=8-2&keywords=hand+held+bidet

Many women, myself included, carry an empty hand held sprayer much the size of plastic mustard bottle when we go to work. When I need to use the toilet I merely fill it up, use it, empty it out, and return it to my tote bag. I still wash hands afterwards anyway.

> How do i clean the grey water off my butt?

Bidet Towels. Example

Slightly smaller than a hand towel and can be used a few times before needing a wash.

https://www.amazon.ca/Amazetec-toilet-bidet-Cleaning-Nozzle/dp/B00OXPZ8WS/ref=mp_s_a_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1541364090&sr=8-2-fkmr0&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=amazotic+hot+and+cold+water+bidet

This is the one I got for my husband and he fucking loves it.

There are flushable ones, but you have to be careful with them (like don't flush more than 1-2 at a time) and some systems can't handle those in general anyway. It's kinda like the flushable tampon question...

If it doesn't work out, then there's always the trash. If you do most of your #2s at home, then there's a bidet, including the handheld type (http://www.amazon.com/Brondell-CS-30-CleanSpa-Hand-Bidet/dp/B008CRQWFK). Thinking I should get one of those for home use since I'm in an apartment at the moment, and then upgrade to fancy heated seat japanese ones when we buy a house that we can remodel.

Try something like this one, they come with a flexible metal tube normally:

https://www.amazon.com/Shower-Toilet-Bathroom-Sprinkler-Sprayer/dp/B00L1XUL1I

edit: whole set for 9.99 if you want cheap: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GKVBB1F/

Easy, either do it yourself, or buy one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Brondell-CS-30-CleanSpa-Hand-Bidet/dp/B008CRQWFK

If you do it yourself, note that you'll have to stop by a plumbing store to get some adapters as the kitchen sprayers don't have the proper thread. Also would recommend installing a valve or turning down the main one as the kitchen sprayers can't handle full pressure and you'd risk a leak. That being said, I have two home made ones that we've been using as bidets for over 6 years and they're still going strong. Once you start using them...Shit will change your life!

Not quite the same as this one, but looks like part of a portable bidet to me.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0095WCH6Y/

Wow. That's a lot of assumptions in one comment. I think you read "rich-ish" and just thought unlimited funds. If so, that's far from the case.

Anyway, we have a normal-sized bathroom and a normal-sized bidet. They're not usually as big as you seem to think (unless you have one separate from the toilet, which is just a massive waste of money imho)

Edit: Also, you don't need to pay someone to install it, nor did we. It's stupid easy and takes like 5 minutes.

This is the one I got about a year ago. Best decision I've made in a long time.

RinseWorks - Aquaus 360 Premium Hand-Held Bidet - With Brass Sprayer - NSF Certified - 2 Back Flows - 3 Year Warranty - Dual Pressure Controls - Ceramic Disk Seals - 3 Spray Heads & 5'' Extension https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076HYRKNC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Pn4WDbEM4E9SN

Have you heard of a bidet? It’s basically a small attachment you can attach to the toilet that cleans your ass (so you won’t ever have to use toilet paper again). They are super cheap.

https://www.amazon.com/Tibbers-Self-Cleaning-Retractable-Non-Electric-Mechanical/dp/B07VRQHMJF?ref_=Oct_BSellerC_686953011_0&pf_rd_p=a4440e8c-2f5a-542e-b725-32005b03ef91&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-6&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_i=686953011&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=ZMZ09G0Y3XB58CABPT6M&pf_rd_r=ZMZ09G0Y3XB58CABPT6M&pf_rd_p=a4440e8c-2f5a-542e-b725-32005b03ef91

Dane here. American Bidet's are much, much different than what you know European ones to be


I never knew either untill maybe a year back. Been wanting one ever since lol.

I'm partial to the handheld bidet sprayers as they double as a cloth diaper sprayer and I can control the angle more easily - http://www.amazon.com/Brondell-CS-30-CleanSpa-Hand-Bidet/dp/B008CRQWFK/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1377208911&sr=8-12&keywords=bidet+sprayer

If this is going to be a lifestyle choice and not just an occasional bit of play, you may want to consider regular enemas.

They make enema plumbing kits which attach to either your commode's water supply or your shower:

https://www.amazon.com/Enema-Cleansing-Shower-System-Nozzles/dp/B01MG5I6SC

Of course, you should do research and consult with a medical professional about the long-term effects of regular enemas first.

They sell them on amazon. It’s called a personal bidet. They have ones that attach to your toilet, or portable handheld ones in the form of spray bottles. Some examples:

https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=gwm_tlc_pi?pf_rd_s=grid-11&pf_rd_t=Gateway&pf_rd_i=mobile&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=EFXTCPJAYK1XYTG3PYA2&pf_rd_p=04affaba-c566-4cec-9a48-677cfbfdb6f8&pd_rd_i=B00A0RHSJO

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01DB8DRNO/ref=sspa_mw_detail_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07K21X113/ref=sspa_mw_detail_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1

GET This:
http://www.amazon.com/HeShe-HS-B8100-Heshe-Micro-Bidet/dp/B0061UA7ZG/ref=pd_sim_hpc_1
You will not regret it. (ignore the sketchy amazon post) ive ordered about 8 for my house and my father in law's

Can't say it enough, it's fantastic. Since it's the one you just hold in your hand, you're not stuck with one of the worst angles in the world.

This is the one I got.
On The Go Portable Travel Bidet https://www.amazon.com/dp/B017Y96PV2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_fugBDbWJ61FNP
Not available anymore but you get the idea. It was like $8 I swear. Had it for years now, no issues. Just fill it with water and you're set.

I bought a portable bidet for at work and trips. Everyone laughs at me, but I’m not getting racing stripes in my undies in the summer.

Boss Bidet mini https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06W579TYY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_h7pRBbX4NRBFJ

I don’t remember paying that much for it, but there are similar ones for less.

Also it’s changed my life when camping.

use a bidet

Me, too! I also added these to the guest bathroom (sorry, guests get the cheap ones)

The bidet add-ons are surprisingly affordable.

http://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Adjustable-Retrofit-Universal-Bidet/dp/B00FNXDOF2/ref=sr_1_7?s=kitchen-bath&ie=UTF8&qid=1415216038&sr=1-7

https://www.amazon.ca/Amazetec-toilet-bidet-Cleaning-Nozzle/dp/B00OXPZ8WS

I have this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076HYRKNC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apap_K8cp9xn58mkqk

I will hold it for seven hours at work now.

They use a [Bidet](https://www.amazon.com/YECO-Non-Electric-Mechanical-Attachment-Temperature/dp/B074W7XYKQ/ref=zg_bs_686953011_9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K4P747B666NKP65VNBDH[](https://www.amazon.com/YECO-Non-Electric-Mechanical-Attachment-Temperature/dp/B074W7XYKQ/ref=zg_bs_686953011_9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K4P747B666NKP65VNBDH).

Here's one for less than $30 which has three steps for installation.

I'm not the commentor you are asking, but I just tried the CuloClean which has threading/o-rings for multiple water bottle types. I wasn't so impressed with it compared to the much heavier Boss Bidet Mini.

> Cold water seems... shocking.

There are ones that also attach to the hot water hose:

• https://www.amazon.ca/Amazetec-toilet-bidet-Cleaning-Nozzle/dp/B00OXPZ8WS
  
  Or you can go high-end and get powered ones ($$$):
  
  
• https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-bidet-toilet-seat-washlet/