(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best communication & social skills books

First off, if you are planning on going to college (and you aren't trying to build a high school resume that will launch you straight into 4-year programs at high-end universities), then take a deep breath and understand that graduating and dropping out make zero difference post-education if you have a college degree. You literally cannot mess up high school so badly that it overshadows college achievement.

There are two directions to go with college preparation. First off, understand that success at the college level doesn't involve what classes you have or have not taken, but rather how well you study, learn, write, read, and test. Taking calculus in high school doesn't make you a better college student than someone who has only taken trig; it just means you have one more math class under your belt. Math/logic and language arts are the bread and butter tools you need to succeed in college, as it's the fundamentals that really trip us up in college (where teachers don't have time to address a lack of fundamentals):

• However far you go with math, make sure you know it and are comfortable. Khan Academy is great for this, and you can pop yourself into used bookstores or onto Amazon and get cheap (less than $5) textbooks to give you different perspective on that stuff. The easiest "structured program" is Saxon mathbooks IMO, especially if you are self-teaching. Build yourself the most basic structure, and make a deal with yourself to make further study a hobby.
  
• Writing programs are everywhere. I really like one called Total Language Plus, designed around classic literature. The internet is also a great place to get feedback.
  
  Knowing how to read, write, and perform math logic are the most important aspects of pretty much every undergraduate degree program. If you can follow math concepts, and if you can write about what you read clearly while staying on topic, you are set to succeed. Knowing how to learn is a blank canvas that will allow you to learn anything; knowing stuff won't matter if you don't have the tools to learn further.
  
  Second, if you want to get accepted to big name universities right out of high school, then your best bet is going to be SAT prep. Which, incidentally, is math and language arts. A high SAT score will overshadow everything else, and a low one will undermine whatever academic resume you could put together. Plenty of prep material exists here as well. The bottom line is that knowing how to learn is all about the basics of reading, writing, and understanding math logic.
  
  >I'm trying to find secular sources for things like social studies, but I'm not sure which sources are reliable.
  
  I was raised super conservative christian homeschooler. I'm not that way with my kids. That said, there are lots of Christian-leaning programs that work really well for secular purposes as long as you aren't trying to learn about evolution, dinosaurs, or the big bang. If you want a self-contained program that meets requirements, I suggest Alpha Omega's LifePac curriculum - it's structured so you don't have to do any work, and it requires very little daily time commitment to finish, meaning you have lots of room to supplement with whatever other sources you want to use. If you should stumble into lessons on how to be a better Christian, just skip over it, and recognize that those kinds of programs are accredited because they manage to teach everything you need for a secular education.
  
  Another route: college textbooks. They are focused, condensed, and they give you great prep for the work you will be expected to do in college. They can work for math, science, history, english, and other subjects if you feel you want/need them.
  
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  If you want structure, start with state graduation requirements. You can find the state you live in, or will live in, or just browse through them and try and build something robust enough to graduate you in any state. Alabama is at the top there, so I'm gonna go through what it says to give you an idea of how that translates to work:
  
  
• 4 units of english and social studies. A unit is a year, so you do four years of those. Usually (although not mentioned there specifically), at least one english unit is composition (writing). Lots of high school composition programs exist, and religious slant isn't going to matter as long as they are designed to improve comprehension, vocabulary, and writing skills. On a personal note, I believe that a student should do at least a half year (and preferably a whole year) of poetry study.
  
• 4 units of science, including one unit of biology and a physical science. I believe there is a national requirement involving biology, chemistry, or physics - you need at least one of them, and I'd personally suggest a cursory understanding in all of them. Science is experiment-driven, so if you don't have access to or a budget for experimentation, then Youtube is your friend - observe. Science is also a great place to use a college textbook, as they get right to the point.
  
• 4 units of math, including Algebra 1 and Geometry. Going to recommend Saxon math books again, easy to find used and great for self study. College textbooks can also work at this point.
  
• 1.5 units of PE, including 1 unit of PE and .5 unit of health study. Here's McGraw-Hill's current curriculum offering for health studies on Amazon. Incidentally, used textbooks on Amazon are cheap as long as they are older editions, and Amazon reviews are a great (if not the best) place to get feedback from people using these books to learn and/or teach - including homeschoolers.
  
• Foreign language: 2 units. You could find a curriculum in a book, or use software. You can also just google DuoLingo curriculum or lesson plans, and go that way.
  
• 3.5 units of electives. Here's a list, although if you are concerned about state requirements then you need to find lists for your state. Lots of homeschool elective curriculum exists, so find the topics you want to learn and google for those specific programs.
  
• .5 units computer applications. Any class involving computers as tools will work. I personally suggest Code Academy as it's free, fun, and interactive, but that is computer programming specifically which is not for everyone.
  
• Minimum 24 units total. So far, we've listed 23.5 specific units above, meaning you'd need one more half-year of something to meet unit requirements.
  
  So a sample single year could look like:
  
  
• English Composition (Total Language Plus, 3-5 of those books per year, and I'd argue that your first one should be from their Grade 9-11 section just to get you up to speed - Animal Farm is a great read)
  
• Social Studies (find a curriculum that seems robust like Alpha Omega; supplement with world or US history (college textbooks are cheap/easy))
  
• Biology
  
• Algebra I (Saxon Math, unless you find a program you like more)
  
• P.E. (don't need curriculum; just schedule and track regular physical activity)
  
• Health Studies (six months) and then Computer-Related Learning (six months)
  
• Foreign Language (Duo Lingo)
  
• Electives (how many you do depends on how many you've done already - one per year is enough throughout high school)
  
  Ask follow up questions, get follow up answers. I'm here to help.

So this is a bit of an area of expertise for me. I'm actually a writing a book about communication and it is kind of a skills book, but not as you might traditionally think of one. I can tell you more if you like, but don't want to bore you.

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Here's the thing with skills books when it comes to communication...most are ok, some are even good, but most are essentially the same...they put together some combination of "do these things" and "do not do these other things" and market you a book that ultimately isn't going to help you a whole lot...at least not to communicate better in the aggregate. (How to Win Friends and Influence People is an example of this.) I call these any "Do these 10 things to communicate better" books. There is no magic list of skills that if you just learn these things, you'll communicate better. Communication doesn't work like that.

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That said, there are a few decent enough communication "skills" books out there that are worth your time. It really depends on the type of communication skills you're looking for...for example, there are books out there entirely dedicated to how to give a good presentation (say, at work). There are books on conflict resolution. There are books on persuasion. All of these, which I don't think is what you're looking for only give you part of a very big puzzle. As far as more general communication books there are a couple you might consider:

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(A note that most of these are not likely to be at your local library, but if you as your local friendly librarian how to they could get you one of these books, they can probably easily help you. Ask! Librarians are awesome! Also, most of these should be available on Amazon for not much money.)

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1. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
   Author: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
   A book with an overall good perspective. A little sappy and cloying at times, but in general the intentions are in the right place with this one. Could come off as a little bit squishily academic, but an ok read and a good perspective.
   
   
2. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?
   Author: Alan Alda (From M*A*S*H, The West Wing, and much more)
   I'm actually reading this book right now and it is a funny take on Alda's life and work and he relates his stories through (and about communication). Alda is actually pretty smart about communication and comes at it differently than most anyone else on this list. Funny and witty, what you might expect from such a great actor and comedian. Definitely worth reading.
   
   
3. Simply Said: Communicating Better At Work and Beyond
   Author: Jay Sullivan
   More about work than other contexts but good advice overall. I only skimmed parts of this one so can't speak to every aspect, but appeared to be decent enough quality when I reviewed it.
   
   
4. The Art of Communicating
   Author: Thich Nhat Hanh
   Different from the others on the list, this one is written by a Buddhist monk who takes a more spiritual view of communication. It is a good philosophical approach. I found parts of this book enlightening. It is not scientific-ish enough for me and it makes no claims to be. It is a philosophy book on communication, but an easy, accessible read and worth your time.
   
   
5. Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
   Author: Kerry Patterson
   A good enough book if you're looking to navigate conflicts/difficult conversational things at work or in relationships. Deals more with the challenging aspects of communication, but for what it is, good enough advice.
   
   
6. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
   Author: Liel Lowndes
   Similar to the book above, but more about making conversation with people. As far as these types of books go, this one is ok enough and actually has some good advice on things to try when attempting to communicate with others.
   
   
   Books like Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, which comes up when you look for communication books should be avoided entirely. That book, and other books like it, are trash. You might as well get your advice from Cosmo.
   
   
   Sorry for the length here, but like I said, this is an area of expertise. I hope you found this helpful. I can answer questions about any of these books if you like.

This is an awesome question! I don't know what orders things in priority on reddit, but I just saw it. I'll echo the your last line : So little time..

Discipline is huge in excelling. Cultural differences breed different discipline and work ethic traits for sure. There's some good work in general on success and ethnicity. Actually, the Outliers book I quote in my article has a nice summary of this. http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell-ebook/dp/B001ANYDAO

Also remember the environment players grow up has a huge influence on development. If you are in a challenging environment with many top players and a healthy attitude, you are more likely to breed new players with that excellence. Maybe Danes are that awesome? Croatia is a small country that excels at soccer, Slovenia is small and excels at winter sports, and so on.

There's a lot more we can talk about! I want to continue to create E-Sports content, so hopefully people will start communicating topics they are interested in hearing about and direct my content. Maybe we can create more time :)

Alright I hope you get this. Sounds like you are a lot like I was growing up. I would read a book a week and listen to two. haha. these were books i had to grow into a lot of times. so don't get discouraged. some of these are tough but they'll help you in the long run. promise.

anyways.. here's my list.

Foreign Policy

-Dying to Win- Science and strategy behind suicide terrorism

-Imperial Hubris- good book by a CIA vet on what to expect because of US foreign policy

-Blowback- Same type of book as above, but better.

-The Looming Tower- a good history and account for Sept 11






Economics and Money

-Freakonomics- Ever wonder about he economics of drug dealing, including the surprisingly low earnings and abject working conditions of crack cocaine dealers? This book is fantastic.

-Outliers- Gladwell is a master of minute detail. This book helps you focus on the future.

-Blink-Great book on intuitive judgement

-The Age of Uncertainty- the best book I've ever read on the fight between Capitalism and Communism

Biology and Science

-Why Do Men Have Nipples- a general Q&A book. Good for info you can use at a party or to impress somebody. really random stuff.

-A Short History of Nearly Everything- Humorous take on some heavy heavy science. Easier to read than people think.

-The Ancestors Tale- It was hard picking just one Dawkins book, so I gave you two.

-The Greatest Show on Earth- Dawkins is the world-standard for books on biology and evolution in layman's terms.

Good Novels

-1984-Hopefully no explanation needed

-A Brave New World- a different type of dystopian universe compared to 1984. read both back to back.

-The Brothers Karamazov- My favorite piece of Russian Literature. It made me think more than any other book on this list honestly. I can't recommend it enough.

-Catch-22- There are so many layers to this book. So much symbolism, so much allusion. You must pay attention to get the full affect of this book. Great satire. Masterfully written.

-Alas Babylon- Yet another dystopian novel. This time about what would happen after a world wide nuclear war.

-Slaughterhouse-5 Vonnegut is a badass. And that's really all there is to know. I read this book in one day. It was that good. Satire on WW2.

Philosophy

-Sophies World- Good intro to a lot of basic principles of the major philosophers

-Beyond Good and Evil- Nietzche can get REALLY depressing because he is a nihilist but this book is extremely quotable and will give fresh perspective on a lot of things.

-Atlas Shrugged- Ayn Rand's masthead. Its a novel, but its also a commentary on her precious objectivism.


So there you have it. My short list of books to read. I can get deeper into certain subjects if you want me to. Just PM me.

haha I understand that feeling.

On the psychology/cognitive science/neuroscience side:

Stanislas Dehaene argues that learning to read rewires the brain by co-opting other capacities and essentially constructing a new neural network dedicated to processing written language. It's an interesting theory and a great book, but a little dense.

Raymond Mar has done a bunch of interesting work on fiction and empathy. Here's a link to most of his papers.

There's some research on how fiction more broadly can increase altruism:

Barraza, J. A., Alexander, V., Beavin, L. E., Terris, E. T., & Zak, P. J. (2015). The heart of the story: Peripheral physiology during narrative exposure predicts charitable giving. Biological Psychology, 105, 138-143. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2015.01.008

A more philosophical take - Martha Nussbaum on 'reading for life'.

Here are some books that take a bit of a general overview:

Lisa Zunshine - Why We Read

My own area is actually situating a lot of this research in an evolutionary context - looking at how and why we tell stories and what role they have served over longer timeframes. Here are some others that have written on the topic. I disagree with them in quite a few places, and I'm essentially arguing that we need to expand on their accounts, but there's a lot to agree with as well, and they're worth a read:

Brian Boyd - On The Origin of Stories

Ellen Spolsky - The Contracts of Fiction

Jonathon Gottschall - The Storytelling Animal

Let me know if there's any papers/books that you can't get access to, I have them all in PDF format and would be happy to forward you anything you're interested in reading that isn't available to you.

As to why I chose the topic, essentially I have a bit of a generalist educational background: I majored in philosophy, psychology, history/politics and english literature/creative writing as an undergraduate, and did a Master's in cognitive science and philosophy. I'm what you would most definitely refer to as over-educated, and I don't mean that in a good way - I have an Australian equivalent to a student loan that isn't pretty (although still much lower than what it would have cost me in the US!). So, I wanted a way of getting paid to read and think about all the areas I'm interested in - and it turns out writing about the evolution of fiction takes me across a whole range of disciplines and a whole range of research areas, including evolutionary biology/psychology, neuroscience, anthropology, economics, literary theory, etc. That, and I guess I have always disagreed with the idea of art as simply escapism or entertainment and wanted to look at how important it has been, and continues to be, in shaping who we are and where we're going.

As you realize becoming great at social skills is just like training any other skill. Realizing you can train it will allow you to build the skill stronger than others who stumble into it. So many will say you can't get better or amazing by reading in a chair. They're right. Read a little, apply a lot, take notes, then review what you did right and what you did wrong, repeat. Get a mentor or training buddy if you can, it accelerates learning, because we can't see ourselves the same as those outside us can. Make a regimen to go out, greet and meet people every day. Or at least three times a week minimum, make it a habit.

I can tell you that I've been in customer service and sales jobs, they taught me nothing because my skills were garbage and sub-par. So I didn't have a paddle for my raft in the world of social interaction. All I got was "people get irritated if I cold approach or try to sell them. Or worse I have to dump mountains of information to make them feel safe." So after studying for the better part of a decade, here's some points that got me to the basics and more advanced subjects. With the basics under your belt, then a job or daily practice will get you understanding and results.

First, learn how to steady yourself mentally, breathing exercise here. Breathing is important as we seem to be learning your heart rate and beat pattern determine more about our emotions than we'd like to admit.

Second, Accept and love yourself, (both those terms may be undefined or wishy-washy to you at the moment, defining them is part of the journey.) Because you can only accept and love others the way you apply it to yourself first.

Third, pick up and read the charisma myth. It has habits/meditations that will be a practice you use every day. I'd say a basic understanding will happen after applying them over three months. Never stop practicing these basics, they are your fundamentals. They determine your body language. The difference between a romantic gaze and a creepy stare is context of the meeting and body language, especially in the eyes.

Sales or cold approach networking will do the same for practice. If you do sales or meeting new people, it is a negotiation. You're trying to trade "value" (safety + an emotion). So if you figure out how to make yourself feel emotion, then inspire emotion in others, mutual agreements happen. Start with Why is a good reference. Here is a summary video. Chris Voss will help you find out that you don't tap into people rationally, you tap people emotionally, big think summary video. Or the full book treatment, Never Split the Difference. The supporting book for Chris Voss' position can be helped by reading Start With No

For training habits and understanding how we execute behaviors, Thinking, Fast and Slow

For dealing with hard arguments and heavy topics both Nonviolent Communication and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Learning what listening is, instead of "hearing" people. Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone is a good book for that. This is touched on in Never Split the Difference and in the Charisma Myth because true listening, making the person you are speaking with feel "listened to and understood" is most of what makes a charismatic person work.

It's hard, and the fear seems like sticky tar that won't shake off.

You're young and have an exciting long journey of improvement ahead of you.
The core thing to focus on is self-confidence, but what does that mean?

Confidence that you are good enough just as you are, because honestly, even though I know almost nothing about you, you really are. Learn to define your self worth from within, because there is literally only one person on this planet who has the right to define that worth. You can choose to define yourself by the irrational fear of how the 'other' perceives you, but what you're really doing is defining yourself by your own self-consciousness, which is in fact yourself anyway. Learn to love yourself and no amount of hate or doubt will crack your spirit.

If you're worried about your looks, then work on them. Not because others will like you more, but for the pure and simple personal reason that it will make you feel better. Get acne medicine, face wash, workout, and eat well. Always treat yourself with the advice you would give someone you loved.

The last thing you ever want to do is approach girls with neediness. It makes you nervous because there are stakes at play, and it bleeds through your body language. You said you're fine talking with other guys, probably because you don't need anything from them. They are not tied to your self worth as it seems you've done so for women. You need a girlfriend because everyone else has one, there's something wrong with you because you don't. Fuck that.

One last thing, don't put all the pressure on keeping an interesting conversation on yourself, it makes no sense to do this. Conversation is a two way street, if you ask an open ended question and they don't give an interesting response or enough material then that's not on you.

'What do you do for fun?'

"I dunno, watch movies..."

You'll feel pressure, don't fucking say 'cool...'. I've seen so many conversations die because of this.

The most valuable thing you can do is become comfortable with the pressure and silence. Fight the pressure to say something. In fact, do this, next time you find yourself in a conversation, or a group conversation, pause and count 2-3 full seconds everytime someone finishes saying something. Only then can you say something. It might feel awkward, but just trust me, get used to it.

The most interesting thing to most people is themselves, learn to become interested in that (what makes the other person tick) and conversations become naturally interesting. That's the important thing, what makes people tick. 'Oh you like rap music? That's pretty aggressive music, are you an aggressive person?'. The topic of conversation doesn't matter, because they are all avenues to get to know who the other person is.

EDIT: One last book...

Yes! I want my child to be confident, independent, kind, considerate, assertive, motivated, and happy. I want to teach her how to be savvy about sketchy adults or situations. How to be patient, cope with delayed gratification. I want her to have an appreciation for nature and animals. How to make friends and keep them. I hope to instill a love for reading and learning.

I am reading Brain Rules for Baby and I highly recommend it! It covers a lot of different things from intelligence to morality and creativity. Some stuff you can do even before Baby is born.

I also just read 9 Ways We’re Screwing Up Our Girls and How We Can Stop and recommend that to anyone having a girl especially, but it also covers some about teaching boys to respect women etc.

I also feel like Malcom Gladwell’s Outliers deserves a mention, since it addresses a lot of things that can affect a person’s success from the time they are born. I found one section in particular very interesting regarding how well-off parents raise their children differently from poor parents.

Another book I’m planning to read but haven’t yet is How to Raise a Wild Child. To learn about raising a kid who is comfortable exploring and enjoys nature.

Do seek help for this! If you can motivate yourself to exercise at all, do it. The endorphins and just moving your body are natural remedies for depression. If you can make time even just once a week to go to a group class somewhere that adds the benefit of getting out and interacting with people. This website has free yoga videos: doyogawithme.com

On the parenting side, I have found a LOT of relief after learning about what is called RIE parenting. It's based on the findings of a woman who figured out how to raise an entire orphanage of babies all at once (Can you imagine dozens of infants!?) and the children grew up without having any traumatic effects of abandonment. They were happy and confident. You can apply the techniques and it involves just letting your child be in a safe environment you provide, and you can just relax and do whatever you need to do. You don't have to be constantly babysitting and caring for your child, even young infants can be left alone in a safe play area to just explore. This is a new book about it I want to read: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Knows-Best-Confident-Resourceful/dp/0316219207 and I learned about it initially by reading many many posts on janetlansbury.com

You can find what you need to feel better, and to create that space so you can enjoy taking care of your baby.. I'm so sorry it sucks right now - all these posts from everyone will be helpful to turn things around I hope!

Oh that sounds soo hard! I feel you. FWIW no one knows instinctively how to be a good parent. We all need help. Maybe some of us are better at it than others like with anything. But you sound like you're making a good effort, and that's what it takes to be a good parent.

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Depending on where you live, you might be able to qualify for financial help paying for your daughters daycare or preschool so you can work more.

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I don't want to repeat what others have said, so I'll recommend some parenting books that have been helpful for me.

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I also have issues with yelling at my kids sometimes, and this book has helped me a LOT to stay calm and not yell. https://www.amazon.com/Now-Say-This-Parenting-Dilemma/dp/014313034X

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I like the articles on this website a lot and have turned to them for help. Here is an article about setting limits so kids will listen: https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2018/08/dont-get-mad-get-curious-setting-limits-that-kids-listen-to/

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I also like this website a lot, and here is an article about structuring routines for your family: https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/structure-routines

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Chin up, it sounds to me like you're already a good dad. Just the fact that you are reaching out for help and want to be a good dad means you're heading in the right direction.

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This is a pretty good book, even if a little dated. It's cheap, and it covers all three debate events. I am assuming your team is mostly novices with only a few senior debaters, if any. I would come up with a list of potential arguments under a topic and assign those out to the teams to research for briefs/blocks depending on the event. For you specifically, I'd get with a couple of the experienced debaters and write cases for the novices. Once the team is established, they'll do that on their own. But right now you need to get them up and running and if you keep sending them into rounds to get their teeth kicked in because they are unprepared, they may lose interest and quit. You can probably find the published briefs on r/DebateTrade - some of them are very well done. They can give you a good idea of what most teams will argue, but good teams do their own research.

However you do it, you can upload those to google drive or somewhere for a shared file for the team. Finally, you need to learn how to use verbatim.

Good luck!

I used to be a deer in headlights when it came to conversation. I was basically a cardboard cut-out of a person that would stand there motionless while everyone else talked. You're right that you won't see much improvement by just reading some Reddit posts. If you want real results, you need to study and work at it. I've been improving myself for almost 20 years now and ALL my knowledge, experience, and lessons are basically in two books:

The Small Talk Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Conversationalists

You Can Be Funny and Make People Laugh: 35 Humor Techniques that Work for Everyday Conversations

Good luck and hit me up if you have any questions!

-Greg

Have you read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell? I love his books and it sounds like it would be up your alley. Also, it's not exactly psychology, but I loved this book and it is non-fiction. Moonwalking with Einstein.

edit 2: Ok, just one more I thought of: Why We Lie was a quick, interesting non-fiction read I thought.

edit: another suggestion - this is definitely a psychology book that will make you think deeply - The Lucifer Effect by Philip Zimbardo.

It's certainly tempting to think this, but I'm not sure I agree - and I plan to make a case using several different but converging "lines" of evidence.

I just read a book by a dating coach the premise of which is that guys usually torpedo themselves in interacting with women by not being wholly present/vulnerable and "in the moment" - humans have very finely tuned detectors for insincerity, manipulation and dishonesty - so a lot of interaction is going to be based on truly embodying comfortable vulnerability, or being able to fake it convincingly. But notice here it is men who are being pretty much universally evaluated on social performance.

Here is a fascinating glimpse into this. The money quote:

> When I sense a guy's nervous we just can't fuck.... He's gonna come home rocking in the corner because either he either came in two seconds or he couldn't get hard. I don't wanna do that to a dude.... I can sense it so I don't let it happen I'm always protective of the male ego

(Emphasis mine)

Now, this is hugely interesting - here is a woman who has no shame (earlier in the same interview she talks about being the subject of a crude joke and finds it hilarilous) and is very aware of the sexual power she has over men - and she see rejection as protecting men. She seems like a very nice person and I don't doubt her conscious intent, but you could probably have a long-ish discussion about whether this is subconsciously a rationalization or not.

Now, as a benchmark, PUAs who are honest enough to report stats (KrauserPUA and Roosh are two examples), have around 40:1 (40 girls approached to one "close") - so the "AGL" gap, even for guys who are highly socially practised and have the time to approach lots of women - have a very low "return on investment." This is at a time when women are slut shamed less then at any other time in history (at least in the West). How much can we expect that gap to close?

I believe all this provides weight to a thesis that is almost universal across all XY sex selected species - Bateman's principle - men provide variance, women select the best mate they can get. Even in seahorses, males compete (even though they also gestate).

It's not something women generally or especially like to admit in my experience - which I why I think Lisa Ann may have been rationalizing above.

Anyway, here is a prediction: if we manage to get slut-shaming down to 0%, women will still only be promiscuous with the best men they can. Sexual inequality is a permanent feature of our species because it's an engine of evolution.

This weekend my book [How to be Influential: Easy Actions to Increase Persuasion] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075GGNGY4) came out! It's a self-improvement book that gives easy to implement tips on how to be more influential.

he has two that I know of. I read the Small Talk Code. I'm currently reading You Can Be Funny and Make People Laugh. It's awesome. Super detailed.

Appreciate the recommendation, I'll look into it for sure. Actually just finished reading Spy the Lie which was recommended by a fellow Red Piller. Both entertaining and informative read, would highly recommend if you're ever in the market for a new book.

Before I discovered redpill, I too felt autistic in socializing. This book (literally written by a guy with Asperger's) helped me a lot. Of course it's bluepill as fuck but it lays out conversation and socializing for dummies - I think you could find some value in it. Good luck

There're probably tons, though I don't know of any better than What Every Body is Saying and Spy the Lie.

Hope that helps!

Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:


amazon.co.uk

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amazon.co.jp

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Beep bloop. I'm a bot to convert Amazon ebook links to local Amazon sites.
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I've heard that this 30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary is really great.

Malcolm Gladwell would agree with you. In his book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking he says that the big decisions are the ones that you should make with your intuitive mind but the small ones are the ones that you should actually think about. This goes against what our society tells us about decisions. The reason for this is that much of our thinking is done precociously and we can't actually think logically about so many factors so the processing is done outside of our consciousness and we just get the the decision as an action. Some more simple tasks we need to think about - I can't remember why exactly. Great book though.

It's true! I've been reading about this phenomenon in a book called Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell. It's pretty cool stuff. Our subconscious often knows or picks up on much more than we do, and it sometimes takes a while for that to migrate to the conscious mind- if it ever does at all. Sometimes it just manifests as a feeling or intuitive sense with seemingly no explanation. But there is an explanation, and it is super-cool science.

Spy The Lie


The Art of Profiling

What Every Body Is Saying

and, Criminal Profiling: An Introductory Guide

I read those when I began my journey down the CID rabbit hole. I also read 100 Deadly Skills, which was not directly related, but fun to keep in the back of the head.

This is basically the theme of “Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty”

A great book on networking

Words of wisdom. Thank you. Ever read Blink?

That's what people are supposed to tell you when you are a kid when grades are the only thing you have to worry about in life (assuming you are a typical suburban white kid).

When you get to college, they are supposed to start telling you to get good grades, network heavily, and find an internship. At least if you want to have a job when you graduate.

This is a great book I had to read for a class freshman year that really opened my eyes to the power of networking and using connections to get you wherever you want to go.

Dude, you literally said

> Such a disgrace and such an insult to common logic and reason. There is a book called how to win an argument, it has passages from the great roman senator Cicero. Here's a link to it: https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Argument-Ancient-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B01EBEIKX4 Hopefully you can find it useful.

You are like Douche Prime walking into a serious discussion and calling everyone fags for having respect for life. You have no idea how dumb you look right now telling everyone to read a book, and you will cringe so hard in a few years that I hope you never see these comments you made ever again, for the sake of your sanity. You say that someone can't not enjoy a joke if they don't personally raid North Korea and take away their nukes by hand?

> If you care so much about a petty little picture taking aim at "atrocities" do something about it instead of voicing your opinion at something that is in r/ComedyCementarty It's really mundane and pathetic to come to a place that clearly states this is the junkyard of comedy and give your worthless opinion about countless lives lost.

What do you want them to do? Sign a petition? Call their governor? We're all equally helpless in this mess. There's nothing we can do short of marching on Washington and demanding the Republicans give up their offices. And how well do you think that'll work?

Then you said that somehow this guy is a stand-in for all liberals? Blatant generalization, bud. It's that kind of sophistry that is making people dismiss you here and likely in many other places. Nothing you've said has had any meaning, it's just the kind of surface-level whinging you hear a lot from high schoolers who've just read 1984 and think they're woke. "War is war", "don't get triggered", "I'm just being logical", yawn. Everyone's heard your non-arguments a hundred times and we're done entertaining them. I'm having flashbacks to my freshman year of college and I've only read like three of your comments. Learn to accept that sometimes grown-ups will be too tired to debate every one of your nonsensical points and that that doesn't make you special.

I was writing about Phil Houston, an ex-CIA employee who was paid by the CIA to develop software to detect deceptive responses. I think the man is as flaky as the MK Ultra and the Men Who Stare At Goats guys. Form your own opinion.
http://lawnewz.com/high-profile/deception-experts-jury-is-correct-steve-avery-is-guilty/

http://www.amazon.com/Spy-Lie-Former-Officers-Deception/dp/1250029627/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458654169&sr=1-1&keywords=Phil+Houston

http://www.amazon.com/Get-Truth-Former-Officers-Persuade/dp/1250043336/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458654169&sr=1-2&keywords=Phil+Houston

If you would like some true information regarding the CIA's ability to detect deception watch the documentary Taxi To the Dark Side.
http://www.amazon.com/Taxi-Dark-Side-Alex-Gibney/dp/B018TLEPMU/ref=sr_1_1?s=instant-video&ie=UTF8&qid=1458654891&sr=1-1&keywords=taxi+to+the+dark+side

It's a phenomenon called thin-slicing. It's talked about in great detail in Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell.

yeah, human evolution is amazing

This guy studies reading and dyxlexia (link below)

He claims hunter gatherers use part of the brain to track animals -
in the modern era this same brain region is being used for reading. I've forgotten if his lab did the brain imaging on hunters themselves or if he was repeating a study from another lab

https://www.amazon.ca/Reading-Brain-New-Science-Read/dp/0143118056

Some older teens & young adults have found this book helpful. Take your time, don't put too much pressure on yourself. And s others have advised, do activities you enjoy.

Improve Your Social Skills https://www.amazon.com/dp/1517309328/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_OxnZCbGVJPS6G

There's also this book, [Competitive Debate: The Official Guide] (https://www.amazon.com/Competitive-Debate-Official-Richard-Edwards/dp/1592576931/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=411mf6LoMoL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR107%2C160_&refRID=J2TA28F2NTE1K8S71R60]. I got this a while ago and it covers all of the events, as well as general guides. But like u/subsidiescurecancer said, it's a little outdated and doesn't go so in-depth.

30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary. Old book. Still very relevant.

These are the study materials I ordered:

• CliffsNotes Math Review for Standardized Tests
  
  
• Cracking the New GRE with DVD by Princeton Review
  
  
• 30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary by Wilfred Funk, Norman Lewis
  
  
• New GRE 2011-2012 Premier with CD by Kaplan
  
  
• Barron's New GRE, 19th Edition
  
  
  

I think it is a bit of both. My mom has her own business (service industry) and is also a landlord. I've been able to pick out the crazies long before she ever has. However, I think I am more self-conscious than her. I think I project that onto people I initially meet.

If you are interested, I cannot express how insightful I found this book, Blink, to be on the subject.

I would suggest that you read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. It's an interesting discourse on the psychology behind exactly what you're talking about. And, wouldn't you know it, there's actual science behind why gut feelings actually work. It's called thin-slicing.

http://www.amazon.com/Blink-The-Power-Thinking-Without/dp/0316172324

So, you are a prime example of a person who cannot defend your statement and resorts to insults instead. Such a disgrace and such an insult to common logic and reason. There is a book called how to win an argument, it has passages from the great roman senator Cicero. Here's a link to it: https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Argument-Ancient-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B01EBEIKX4
Hopefully you can find it useful.

>Linking to relevant books is much more helpful than willful ignorance.

So if I link to a bunch of books peripherally related to a topic at hand, and you refuse to read them, does that make you willfully ignorant?

>You asked the question, and if you are actually interested in hearing thoughtful responses to it, you might want to consider picking up a book about it.

His books do not begin to answer the question of the OP.

>If you've been on reddit for any amount of time you surely know that it's a terrible forum for meaningful debate.


Then, by your own admission, you are here for meaningless debate.

>The issues you raised cannot be settled by a few short comments.

I disagree.

Read the following books about debate before you respond. Otherwise, I will have to assume you are willfully ignorant.

http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Debating-Leverett-Samuel-Lyon/dp/B003VQRXDC/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376830361&sr=1-2&keywords=debate

http://www.amazon.com/Competitive-Debate-Ph-D-Richard-Edwards/dp/1592576931/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376830385&sr=1-3&keywords=debate

http://www.amazon.com/Rulebook-Arguments-Anthony-Weston/dp/0872209547/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376830385&sr=1-4&keywords=debate

Don't know if it's exactly what you want but you can check out Marshall B. Rosenberg - The Surprising Purpose Of Anger: Beyond Anger Management, Finding The Gift (his other books are also recommended)

Also maybe Mark Goulston - Just Listen: Discover The Secret To Getting Through To Absolutely Anyone

and Daring Greatly: How the Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms The Way We Live, Love, Parent, And Lead

Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach How to Detect Deception

This was a very interesting read. They teach you a lot of the techniques they use in interviews and interrogations (no, not torture techniques), like how to ask open-ended questions, and questions that somehow get people to reveal things they didn't intend to reveal, then what to look for when the person answers, and how to apply it to every day situations. The best part is at the end they give a lost of specific questions to ask for specific situations. Say you're interviewing potential babysitter - they give you a bunch of questions to ask along with what they teach about detecting lies.

blink has a couple chapters on this.

This book tends to imply otherwise about gut feelings.

Here is the mobile version of your link

The Intel community has moved on from these detectors.

I'd recommend reading Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Detect Deception.

It goes into the details of indicators, how to ignore biases and understand chaining patterns.

This one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHkyzf9y_PA
At ~1:30.


https://www.amazon.com/Spy-Lie-Former-Officers-Deception/dp/1250029627

Have you read Blink, also by Malcolm Gladwell?

Read Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000PAAH3K?btkr=1

It talks about professional athletes and responding to things our brain should not be able to.

Are you thinking of Spy The Lie from the CIA lie detection episode 19.08?

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250029627/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=mysteruniver-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1250029627&linkId=59a49690b941bfb211e681f17df95a5f

I don't think I have to be a scientist to answer that it completely, utterly depends on who is guessing what, and what they know or don't know.

For a study of what I think you're trying to ask, check out the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell...

I am reading Blink right now. It is a book about instant, subconscious, split-second, "gut feel" decisions and processes of the mind. It has a chapter on how police officers make split-second decisions and how, in light of wrongful/accidental shootings of innocent civilians, officers corrected this by training their gut-feel instinct to avoid over-reacting or becoming "temporarily autistic" in the heat of the moment, i.e., unable to read the minds of other people and reason about their mental state, intentions, etc. From your experience, were you trained to think in this way?

EDIT: There is also a chapter in the book about the same sort of principles being applied in the military, but I am asking if it is something you hear about in basic training, that is, about the importance of psychological readiness at the most basic instinctual level. Not sure why I got downvoted, I mean no disrespect.

... and here we go again: "insufferably stupid"
How sad is that?
Get yourself some education:

http://www.amazon.com/Competitive-Debate-Ph-D-Richard-Edwards/dp/1592576931/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278811689&sr=8-1

Might help in your case...

Lying is a staple tool in a Narcissists toolbox, so learning to detect someone who lies a lot will usually tip you off to a Narcissist. This is a fantastic book about detecting lies:

http://www.amazon.com/Spy-Lie-Former-Officers-Deception/dp/1250029627

Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink discussed the effectiveness of intuition in areas where you are informed. This is distinctly different from the gut decisions that Colbert ridicules. In essence experts do exist, and a lot of what makes them experts is that they do not need to revisit a much of their training when making judgments because much of their discretion begins to come naturally.

This does not mean that we do not all imagine that we are skilled in more areas than we actually are. In fact, as the original posting states it is a misrepresentation typical of Hollywood to imply that people don't make horrible decisions in relationships when they fail to reflect.

There is a difference between race and religion. They can correspond, but not always. (Though some Jews think of "Jewness" as either a race or religion) Often, a religion may have different denominations (Sunni, Shi`ite), which have different interpretations of religious texts. Not all Muslims believe homosexuality is a sin, but some do. This is the same for Christianity and Judaism. Even if you know everyone around you is okay, you should still be cautious and use commonsense.

Find some reliable people in case shit goes down. Ask yourself: "How many people could I realistically count on to help me if I called at 2:00 A.M.?" (source)

I agree with you that people can get along, even when they're different.

The bias that undermines this relationship is nearly invisible, and that is that people do, in fact, judge books by their cover, as well as people. Alternately, this can be described as the "snap judgement".

Is this a bad thing? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" talks pretty extensively about the snap judgement, and where it's good and where it's bad. I think most racism boils down to the interaction of the snap judgement and the fact that everyone wants someone on the totem pole who is lower than they are. There's probably a name for that bias, too, but hell if I know what it is.

Speaking only from my personal experience, the people I know that are carrying the biggest prejudices (which is to say, those who have the strongest link between appearance and actions, for better and for worse) have been discriminated against the least. As an important second point, among those people that I know, how they actually treat those people is a completely unrelated variable from their prejudice, which is merely a useful placeholder for content until actual content arrives. This is unclear, I apologize, but the problem is not the prejudice, it is the willingness (or rather, the unwillingness) to adapt from the prejudiced pre-image generated upon meeting to the real image, which cannot be formed without getting to know the person.

This suggests to me that the snap judgement is a distinct phenomenon from the "I'm-better-than-someone" desire, and specifically that racism, which is categorically the idea that people of different races are different in more ways than their skin color, is a distinct animal, separate from the idea that my race is better than yours, which would be more accurately described as ethno-centrism.

Anyway, racism isn't going anywhere. All the political correctness movement is going to do is push it underground and out of sight where it will, like a fungus, proliferate and eventually bear fruit above-ground. I would rather people be as racist as they want, so that, like wearers of the symbol of gullibility (not what you were looking for? Try this one instead, you judgmental bastard), they can be easily and readily identified.

A much worse outcome is what we have today, with a very real modern version of double-speak taking shape in the form of political speech. You're not pro- or anti-abortion, you're pro-life or pro-choice. You can't support a good, functioning government; you can only be a Democrat or a Republican. You're not anti-black, you just think that 17-year-old black kid looked really suspicious. And then your city's police department agreed with you. Et cetera.

tl;dr - One time, OK, see, one time Randy Beaman's aunt was sitting on the ... on the front porch and she, and she was in her bare feet, and she felt a lick and she thought it was her dog ... licking her feet but it wasn't; it was this crazy guy that did that a lot. 'K, bye.

>Environment doesn't guarantee anything: Rags-to-riches happen.

You should read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.

>Blaming everything on forces beyond your control is a bad mental habit; it becomes an excuse not to try to help yourself.

It's important to assign blame correctly. Taking responsibility for problems which are not your fault is just as unhealthy as failing to take responsibility for problems that are your fault.