Reddit mentions: The best general gender studies

> I can't change those standards with the flick of a switch.

Long term project of bodily acceptance ahoy! Work on this slowly, don't beat yourself up for having bad days or wanting to make longer term changes, but try and think positively about what you've got. An important part of the project can be to try and give yourself positive affirmations and override negative self descriptors in your internal narrative, over time this can help even if at first it feels like you're just sort of faking it. This doesn't mean you have to like where you are, but trying to soften words like hate, or ideas like never being happy if you can't blend in immediately. You don't have to aim for happy, but aiming for unhappy but accepting and working towards changes can be a big shift.

> things aren't going my way right now and I'm at a last-ditch point where it's pass or give up on ever being happy. I know how I feel. People keep telling me how to feel but I can't just decide to be happy as I am.

Look you don't have to be happy as you are, but you have to try and accept how things are at the minute while working to change what can be changed. This is a long slow process and it sucks. Things will get better as transition goes on, but it'll take time and effort and the bit before then is going to grind and fucking suck.

Breasts: padded bras and home made breast forms are better than nothing. Go smaller rather than bigger, just something there to break up the outline of your body will do.

Clothes: two layers of not like painfully tight but snug underwear (optionally like leggings or whatever over the top as well), google search to learn the mystic arts of tucking, but TL;DR gently move testicles up/in, tuck penis down back, use underwear to hold in place, wear baggy trousers, multiple layers of skirt (look okay when I do skirts I'm into underskirts in addition).

Hair: Neaten up at hairdressers, use good shampoo/conditioning.

What am I forgetting:

• Hormones really really help, make sure you register with a new GP when you're at Uni - and get them to chase your referrals to your GIC to keep that going. For many of us blending without hormones just sucks balls and isn't going to happen, they can make the world of difference to us physically with changes, but also with mental changes. If you can afford to do so you can go private, you're UK based so see /r/transgenderUK for details on your options (one online doc, two places in London, self medding as a last resort).
  
  
• Hair removal: Costs money but can be a good investment, theoretically the NHS will give you like 6 sessions of laser, when you've battled your way through the GICs. In the mean time if you can scrape the cash for even one or two it can really lessen your facial hair by a huge margin and make everything easier. IPL is not laser, it'll stun hair but it'll come back shortly.
  
  
• Voice is also totally a thing, look into ways of practicing and start now, try /r/transvoice and threads here.
  
  
• Shaving: Look into a good razor (double edged razors and good shaving soap/cream is a good investment that up front will cost you more but will save you in the long run as well as giving you a better shave, look into /r/wicked_edge and places). You may also want to look into an epilator for doing body hair. It'll hurt (oh how it'll hurt) but its kick arse.
  
  
• Make up: Look into stuff to help conceal beard shadow (orange tone concealers) and layer foundation on top. Go for understated rather than overstated.
  
  
• Good literature: Whipping Girl, The Empire Strikes Back, Natalie Reed, Zinnia Jones, collections like Nobody Passes - you can get a lot of this stuff free online or via your University Library. Good fierce shit that helps you feel positive about yourself. Know your history, know your rights. You don't have to be a shouty, out type - but just knowing this shit and having confidence in yourself and feeling awesome about being awesome can really help.
  
  
• You time: Meditation, yoga, exercise - make your body your own, connect with it if you can stand too. If you can't carefully balanced and careful disconnecting from it can make getting through tough days easier, but that's easier if you can control how to reconnect later.
  
  
• Supportive Friends: Look into your Uni and see if they have an LGBTQ group/support structure, go along and see if you mesh with these people, if so they can be a good source of support. Failing that find cool people to hang out with, make friends with those who share your interests, having a good support structure of friends can make all the difference.
  
  
  Good luck, may the force be with you. Oh enjoy your studies as well :)

I'm glad it helps. :)

Actually, this is mildly cathartic, having an outlet for all those "should've, could've" thoughts...

Involve others with more experience.

• If you need to choose a school, ask on /r/lgbt.
  
• When it's time to find a therapist, ask on /r/asktransgender.
  
• When you need to tell your parents, or even just need to decide whether to tell your parents, find a local peer group (GSA) with whom to practice the discussion.
  
  Learn about your community.
  
  
• Read "The nearest exit may be behind you", "Gender Outlaws: TNG", "Whipping Girl", "Transgender History". These will not be your problems, or necessarily your life, but you will find your people in them and a connection to an otherwise foreign community. (It sucks to be trans, nobody understands.)
  
• Find opportunities to participate in queer culture. Being T is not the same as being LGB. It's tempting to pull away, since yours is an issue of identity and not one of sexuality (and they really are extraordinarily different). Resist the temptation, be a part of something, force your way in and tolerate the inconsistencies, it will be worth it.
  
  Heal thyself.
  
  
• Your attitude and self-awareness is awesome, but your background and environment is not. I had a virtually identical home life (one fewer younger siblings, but the rest aligns right down to the lawyer parent!), and even after I "got over" it, it took years to really put the internalized prejudices of my youth away. Don't rationalize it away, don't be hard on yourself when you can't just get over it.
  
• Go to therapy. Find someone you really click with, and who you feel understands you, and invest the time and trust in that relationship to make the most of it. Don't tell them what they want to hear, tell them what you feel, and remember that they fully expect you to be totally wrong about your own feelings the first few times. Figure it out together. You should be able to get this nearly for free at the right college, make the most of it.
  
• If it feels awkward, you're doing it right. Cut yourself some slack, everyone has a hell of a time growing up and finding themselves, and thanks to your situation you'll be doing at 19 what most work out at 12. It's ok. Laugh at yourself, reflect and learn, and move on.
  
• Find a fringe benefit. If you dwell on gender dysphoria, it can seem pretty shitty. If you mire yourself in transition, it can seem like a thankless, endless slog. Find something to be excited about, find a part of yourself to enjoy, and don't feel guilty about it. :)
  
  
  Finally, and most importantly, you do belong.
  You don't have to be presenting in your preferred gender to go to a support group. You don't have to start HRT to comment on a board. There's a pervasive sense among trans folk that there are real trans people out there and we're not they. But the moment you recognize this part of yourself you're a part of our world whether you like it or not, and all of us feel just as different. Smile, introduce yourself, and share aspects of yourself among friends who have those same parts and who are just bursting for the opportunity to talk about it with anyone who understands.
  
  Sigh, I could ramble on, but I need to get back to work... I guess I can sum it up in promising, cross my heart, the world is a beautiful and wonderful place, and you're going to love it out here. :)

Straight up, you need to tell him you love him, you care about him, and that you’ll be there to support and accept him whatever he decides. You can’t control what he does, but your love and support will mean a lot to him. It’s important that you demonstrate that you’re truly willing to listen to him and understand him, rather than telling him what you think he needs to do without truly understanding what he’s going through.

A couple more things:
I noticed in one comment you doubted he could be trans because he had been sexually attracted to women in the past. This tells me you may not actually know much about the trans experience, as gender identity and sexual preference can be entirely separate from each other. (Plus, he’s still quite young and it’s possible that he hadn’t yet figured that part of himself out yet.)

If you haven’t already, you ought to read over the APA’s page on transgender people:

https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender


I also highly recommend you read one or both of these books to familiarize yourself better with trans issues and the trans experience.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0199325359/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0231157134/

(At the very least, download the free samples through the Kindle app and read through the first couple chapters.)

Also, resist the urge to make this about yourself. Im not sure why you gave details about your career, salary, and romantic life, but please don’t use those facts to guilt or shame your brother. It’s an unkind this to do and it won’t help your relationship with him. It’ll only make him feel worse.

Finally, try to understand how challenging and scary it would be to come out as trans. No one chooses to do this because it’s easy or fun. As cis straight guys, the world is kinda built for us; our experience is totally the norm. For trans people, not only are they different than 99% of the population, but they’re routinely stigmatized and ridiculed but large swathes of society. Imo, it’s pretty fucking brave to come out as trans.

Anyway, good luck, man. My little bro is also in his early 20s and struggling to figure things out. Just try be a good brother and help him move forward in a positive way 💪💪💪

Hello! Cei here. Thank you for your question and for your willingness to learn and grow for your community!
Question 1.a. If you are providing a space (a group, a confirmation class, a retreat, a bible study, a weekly potluck, a movie night, etc) for these young people to be themselves- to use they name they choose, to use the pronouns that fit for them, and to create norms where the other youth in the space must be respectful of these identities- then you are creating a safe space for the youth to go through the process of self-actualization in their identity. Ideally the church congregation would also be asked to affirm these youth in their identity. Depending on your comfort level, you could address the congregation and explain that you would like the church to be a sacred and safe space for all, and that in the interest of achieving this goal, you would ask them to respect names, pronouns, and gender expressions of all congregation members. b. One of the best ways to advocate for young people to their parents is to explain that the young person is happy, responding well, and thriving in environments where they are allowed to be themselves. If you have a young person who comes to your group/bible study/etc. who is using the name they choose, the pronouns that fit their identity, and is affirmed by the group around them and they are thriving, tell the young person's parents so. It may be that at home the parents see a kid who is struggling and sad and they are scared that being gender diverse will make things harder for their already unhappy child. To show that gender affirmation can radically improve a kid's quality of life is often the best motivator for parents to adopt affirming language.

2. Here are links to a few resources that we've found helpful over the years: Trans Bodies, Trans Selves, The Transgender Teen, The Genderquest Workbook, Confi's Article on Gender, Families In TRANSition.

I hope this helps, and thanks again for advocating for the gender diverse people at your church!

> I never said anything about chromosome being the basis, in any of my comments. And reproductive organs have bearing in a lot more parts of life than what people want to identify as.

That's a mighty tall claim. Feel like backing that up? Because for my money, your gonads are relevant A) if you're trying to reproduce, and don't have banked reproductive material, and... ... ...well, with the advent of exogenous sex hormones, nope, that's pretty much it.

> Yes, but that's not the only definition in the dictionary. The fact that there's another definition for each of those words provides an escape from circularity. The same cannot be said for the "a man is anyone who identifies as a man" definition.

We've been through this. I'm more than willing to go through it with you again, if you'd like. I'd be happy to demonstrate for you all of the ways in which the dictionaries' definitions are problematic - you pick a dictionary, and we can have at it. But at the end of the day, it won't matter, because "The dictionary says so!" is still nothing more than an appeal to tradition, and meaningless.

> Try backing up when you disagree instead of just saying that you disagree.

Nope. I'm not getting mired in seven layers of BS going back and forth about aspersions you've cast that aren't really relevant to the conversation, but I'm not going to let them stand unanswered, either.

> Ok, let's start with this one. First of all, a "man" is a person and not a role. I'm going to go ahead and guess you meant a man is a (person who conforms to a ) gender roll.

Why thank you for being so generous, O Pedantic One. Notwithstanding that I've never seen a gender roll (is that like a sesame roll?), no, I was talking about the concept that the word "man" points to.

> For one, you don't actually describe what this role is. You're just kicking the can down the street to this undescribed male gender role. Is the role about wearing pants? Is it about having a job and being the primary income-earner for one's family? It's hard to securely describe a role without resulting to stereotypes.

I did describe what it is. All of the things you list are furniture, ornamentation that different cultures hang on the role. "Man", or "men", refers to a role that exists in every human culture, associated with but not exclusive to people with penises. That is literally what the word means. When you discuss men in Western culture, men in traditional Chinese culture, men in !Kung culture, and men in Lakota culture, that is what you are referring to. "Man", as a concept, is a variable. I'm surprised that you don't seem to understand this, because it's honestly pretty simple.

> Although intersex people exist, saying there s a continuum implies that people generally fall all over the spectrum, which isn't true. The vast majority of people fall neatly into "only male" or "only female" with respect to reproductive organs.

What you just said is "Your definition is wrong in terms of my definition". Try again.

> That really depends on how one defines sex.

You don't say.

It's almost as though you defied me to present definitions to you, and then I did that.

> My definition (which is the one you're supposed to be arguing against)

In point of fact, it's not. I was arguing in favor of the definition I was presenting, since you cried so much about the unreasonable standard I held yours to (which seems to be code for "I ran out of arguments and couldn't back it up"). Would you like to discuss your shitty definition, instead?

> Secondary sex characteristics are not nearly as important as the author of that seems to think. Actually, none of these things (primary sex characteristics, secondary sex characteristics, or gender identity) are especially important for most things (or at least they shouldn't be). But there are a few areas in which sex is still relevant (locker rooms, possible romantic partners, etc.). I can't think of any situation where what somebody identifies as would really be important.

Yes, you can. Because you don't actually gender people on the basis of their reproductive organs. You don't interact with people on the basis of their reproductive organs. The definition you claim to use, you do not actually use, in real life.

> It's important to make a distinction, however, between those traits that merely correlate with men or women, and those traits that define who is a man and who is a woman.

Sure. Easily done. All of the traits listed are correlated with men and women. Gender identity defines who is a man and who is a woman.

> why shouldn't we apply the same standard to humans that we do to other animals?

Because humans base our societies on gender roles, and not on reproductive organs. If you would like evidence of this, look at the entirety of human history. If you would like evidence of this that is not snarky and sarcastic, go read Leslie Feinberg's book Transgender Warriors, which discusses the history of transgender people and of gender in general throughout human history and across a diverse array of cultures.

> but your definition really begs the question of what would fall under the "gender role" associated with men or women

It honestly doesn't.

> Just in plain, Midwestern, Euro-American culture, what's an example of one thing that would fall under the "male" social role and one thing that would fall under the "female" social role?

That's irrelevant to the discussion. Like, I mean it: completely irrelevant. What specifics a culture hangs on the gender role has nothing to do with the existence of the role, nor its stability throughout humankind. The point is that "men" and "women", as concepts relating to classes of people, are fundamental to human nature, and universal to humans broadly.

> For gender and sex to "match," they would have to be the same category of thing, which they are not. The fact that we use the same words to describe them does not mean that they "match."

I think you're smart enough to make the leap on this one by yourself. I'll give you a hint, though: what you want to think about are the correlations expressed above.

It's definitely not a crafty project, all crafty things tend to occur in the summer, but I have a personal project - it's mostly that I have just started to write a blog, with a focus on feminism/sexism (also, I want to expand my knowledge o is area in general). It's something I've wanted to start for over a year, but kept putting off.

With the growing popularity of the 'Everyday Sexism Project' and a lot of fantastic newspaper articles by the founder Laura Bates, I have been inspired to actually start this writing/personal project. this book would really help me with the writing and to expand my knowledge and hopefully help me to contribute positively to the increase in feminism amongst young women my age. - the used copies are under $10.

Wish it was for a project that was more crafty turtle! But like I said, all of that happens in summer! :(

I haven't read any really academic type stuff, but I have read some pretty great books of a radically queer nature.

I just finished reading From Transgender to Transhuman: A Manifesto on the Freedom of Form and would highly recommend it. However, definitely go for the hard copy rather than the kindle version, as the etext is marred with formatting issues. In this expanded second edition of The Apartheid of Sex, she advocates an end to the legal separation of people based on genitals as well as even cooler things in the future as technology further erodes the reason for divisions between people based on genitals, or even social roles or meat/non-meat status. Her experience as a lawyer really shows in her ability to make concise, effective arguments for her points.

I would also suggest Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. I don't know if it's really that radical, but her understanding and explanation of sexism and it's impact on all people is pretty damn awesome in my opinion.

Also, for a more pot pourri style smattering of essays and such, I'd recommend GENDERqUEER, voices from beyond the sexual binary and Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation.

:-) So happy to hear that. Sounds like he's lucky to have a friend as good as you.

If you or he want more information at any time, please don't hesitate to PM me.

(Also, for those who have the patience for it, Shiri Eisner's rather dense book Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution is absolutely fantastic.)

Good luck, and thank you so much for being a good friend. I wish I had someone like you when I was wrestling with the feelings he is wrestling with right now. Take care!

In addition to the other great suggestions in this thread, check out feminism, too. While these consumerist trends are certainly universal, I noticed that many of the topics you particularly felt pressured by were ones directed extra strongly towards women. Reading up on society's views of sex and gender and how it often tries to pigeonhole us, women and men, into sexist stereotypes, can give you the mental ammo to better deal with this consumerism.

Where to begin? A really good book about consumerism and beauty pressures is Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth. The blurb:

>The bestselling classic that redefined our view od the relationship between beauty and female identity.

>In today's world, women have more power, legal recognition, and professional success than ever before. Alongside the evident progress of the women's movement, however, writer and journalist Naomi Wolf is troubled by a different kind of social control, which, she argues, may prove just as restrictive as the traditional image of homemaker and wife. It's the beauty myth, an obsession with physical perfection that traps the modern woman in an endless spiral of hope, self-consciousness, and self-hatred as she tries to fulfill society's impossible definition of "the flawless beauty."

Sound somewhat familiar?

^Wow, ^there's ^a ^typo ^in ^the ^official ^blurb.

there's kinda two spectrums of beliefs on what is trans. some people adhere to social construction theories to explain trans stuff. some people adhere to peer-reviewed scientific research to explain things. i prefer the later, so i'd suggest searching this sub for research as well as reading the papers off pubmed. here's a nice overview of concepts from harvard: Between the (Gender) Lines: the Science of Transgender Identity. i also like the center of excellence for transgender health care as well as the world professional association for transgender health's standards of care document.. there's also an excellent book available called trans bodies, trans selves on amazon that covers a huge amount of information from the perspective of trans people. i really like this book a lot as it gives a very human touch to us as well as attempts to cover the vast diversity of the transgender experience. lots of people are given a voice in this book and it is very beautifully written. honestly, this is where i'd start with us.

the transgender community is incredibly diverse and it really is one of the best parts of being a part of the community.

Essay time! This and this are kind of like the primer essays for 'so you're questioning, now what'. They answer a lot of questions about the experience of gender dysphoria and how it is through someone's life as well as help to reframe the situation in various ways, would strongly recommend.

Books wise, I know Whipping Girl gets recced around a lot - whether you're MtF or FtM, it has a lot to offer and is pretty good. Gender Outlaws is another great read that is pretty current / up to date in terms of what it offers and has a ton of perspectives on the situation that you might find handy. I would also highly recommend Trans Bodies, Trans Selves as a great resource to pursue.

Edit: Couple more! Check out The Genderbread Person for a quick handy look at the different ways to think about gender identity and what it means, and if that interests you then you might also be interested in the accompanying book, Guide to Gender.

For Trans liberation I would read Leslie Feinberg's Beyond Pink and Blue.

For Gay and Lesbian liberation I'd read Harry Hay's Radically Gay

On Feminism there's a lot. So you may want to grab Shulamith Firestone's The Dialectic of Sex and Silvia Federici's Revolution at Point Zero. Both will give you a historical and economic understanding of women's struggle.

On the African struggle I would read Thomas Sankara's The Burkina Faso Revolution.

For the Indian struggle, I suggest Anuradha Ghandy's Scripting for Change if you can find a copy somewhere.

That's it for stuff outside of the purely economic sphere.

As for fiction that intersects with communism, I suggest Iain M. Banks's Culture Series. Considering Phlebas, The Player of Games and Use of Weapons. The late Banks did a tremendous job at portraying a classless, stateless, moneyless, post-scarcity society with access to cornucopia technology.

For generally entertaining Sci-Fi that'll keep you turning pages, and is also written in a non-traditional way, you have to read the Warhammer 40,000 Ciaphas Cain series. Get yourself the two omnibi Hero of the Imperium and Defender of the Imperium you'll enjoy yourself to no end. Commissar Ciaphas Cain just kicks all kinds of arse.

If you enjoy Fantasy, and want a bit with a Marxist Dragon, then I recommend Alan Dean Foster's The Spell Singer Adventures series. Specifically books 1 and 2, Spellsinger and The Hour of the Gate. It's also laugh out loud funny.

If you're more into old fashioned adventures, like Conan the Barbarian kind, then you need to read Michael Moorcocks's Elric series. You can get your toes wet with Elric: The Stealer of Souls. The stories are great fun, Elric is an absolute Byronic anti-hero, he's physically weak, he has to dope himself up, he causes the downfall of his own civilisation, and yet he's a great swordsman, poet, philosopher, and so on. Very much a nihilist, very much a tragic hero.

Finally if you want to delve into the Paranormal, and specifically into the romance category (and why not, I say?). I think you should absolutely read Jeaniene Frost's Night Huntress series. Starting with Halfway to the Grave. Written by a woman, with a female protagonist, all from her first person perspective. It's a vampire story, and as far as the lore is concerned follows very closely to the White Wolf idea of the Masquerade. It's nothing like Twilight, you'll enjoy it and if you're like me, get hooked on the series.

Yes, waiting can be hard. It took 4 months to get into a gender therapist in Boston. It is worth it though. In the meantime there are some books that may help them to better understand their feelings and options. There are two workbooks that I read that were okay:

• You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery
  
• My New Gender Workbook: A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivity
  
  A Guide to Gender - The Social Justice Advocate's Handbook and the author is great and this Ted Talk he did is awesome.
  
  Some others are:
  
  
• The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook: Skills for Navigating Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
  
• How to Understand Your Gender
  
  Perhaps these will help them and even yourself find your answers.

I agree that radical feminism is ultimately a bourgeois and reactionary ideology, and we should combat it in all communist organizations. I have a couple questions though:

> "homosexuality is cultural"

I've never seen a radical feminist say this, I've seen the opposite more often ("homosexuality is something you're born with and is attraction to the same sex" and other transphobic shit like that)

I would say that gay behavior is not a socially constructed phenomenon but gay identity and the social position of LGBT people in capitalist society is. Thoughts?

As for articles and stuff from a marxist position against radical feminism:

Trans People and the Dialectics of Sex and Gender: Against Radical and Liberal Feminism by Alyx Mayer

Gender Nihilism: An Anti-Manifesto this isn't specifically a Marxist analysis, its influenced by several trends (queer anarchism, post-modernism, Marxism, and post-colonialism) but its easy to see that the analysis is easily adaptable into a more specifically Marxist framework.

Sexing the Body by Anne Fausto Sterling. This also isn't a Marxist book but it tears apart biological essentialism that radfems love and is a good book (its written by a biologist too so its not just some random person writing this, its a real scientist)

Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue by Leslie Feinberg. Argument for transgender liberation by a Marxist-Leninist trans woman. All of her stuff is excellent and worth reading.

Philosophical Trends in the Feminist Movement by Anuradha Gandhy. Another great piece that lays out the basis of Proletarian Feminism

Yes, you are attracted to men and women, so you fall under the bisexual umbrella. That's great. That's your part of bisexuality. However, I'm bisexual, and I am attracted to loads of different gender expressions - I am attracted to SAME and OTHER genders that myself. I am not pan, because this is what bisexuality have always meant:

"Bisexuals are people with the (some include "inborn" or "innate") capacity to form enduring physical, romantic, (some include "spiritual") and/or emotional attractions to: (1) those of the same gender as themselves (2) those of different genders/gender presentations from themselves."

You should definitely check out this book, I think you'll find it very interesting. The author goes over the history of bisexuality, and how the community's widely accepted definition have been surpressed by academia and the lg community.

Well, I strongly identify as a trans-feminist, and I am often hesitant of feminist spaces that aren't queer-centric for the very reasons that you list. However, for me it is important to educate those feminists who are transphobic or cissexist etc to help broaden feminist thought into a more intersectional frame of thought that addresses the sexism of all different identities.

I personally really care about LGBT+ things (and as you can see the LGB movements have not always been trans friendly either), and feminism as well. I assure you that not all feminists are like those individuals your friends experienced, and I am sorry they both had to go through that. It sounds like what they experienced is what Julia Serano has called "cissexism" or, "the belief that transsexuals' identified genders are inferior to, or less authentic than, those of cissexuals." This sort of sexism is something that I think the feminist movements would benefit from addressing.

I know that it can get really depressing reading and experiencing feminists being transphobic and cissexist etc, but one author (and really great speaker) who I have really enjoyed reading is Julia Serano, who is a trans woman and a feminist. You can check out her book "Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity" and I am looking forward to her new book coming out called "Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive" which I think is something you might be interested in looking into.

Also: opening up space and providing methodological instruments to allow for the academic study of men and masculinities - something that wasn't even on the horizon until early 3rd wavers rolled onto the scene.

If you're a dude looking for what the 3rd wave has done for men, I'd say that's a pretty big check mark right there.

Here are some resources for you to look at, if you're interested:

1. Masculinities, by R.W. Connell
   
2. The Men and the Boys, by R.W. Connell
   
3. Men's Lives, edited by Michael Kimmel and Michael Messner
   
4. Men and Masculinities, a peer-reviewed academic journal devoted entirely to the examination of men and men's lives.
   
5. Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions, by Lisa Wade and Myra Marx Ferree. Features a whole lot of discussion about men and masculinities
   
   This is just the tip of the iceberg of academic research on men and men's lives, and the overwhelming majority of it is a direct result of the revolutions in feminist thought brought forth by what we now think of as 3rd wave feminists.
   
   Now bear in mind that this is all academic stuff, but think about what that means for a moment: each semester, tens of thousands of students from all over the world, are asked to think critically and sociologically (or anthropologically or psychologically, whatever your preferred brand happens to be) about men, men's lives, and the issues facing men and boys today. The textbook I'm currently working on has a whole chapter that focuses on the challenges young men and boys face in North American schools, and the textbook I'm using to teach a sociology of gender course this year devotes about half of its space to examinations of men of all shapes, sizes, orientations, and expressions. That's huge. That's really huge. It's huge because action - and activism - need to be grounded in knowledge, and that's what 3rd wave feminists have helped to provide; knowledge of the unique and often serious challenges facing men and boys today.
   
   So that's what 3rd wave feminism has done for men and boys in academia. I'm sure there are resources around online that can help expand on this.

> Try reading the entire side bar including The Manipulated Man.

I have read that.

>Here, recommend me a book that describes your view, and I'll check it out too.

That's tough. I can recommend you a good primer on pre-2nd wave feminism, 2nd wave feminism, and critical theory. There's a long list of over 200 years of literature and articles that have gotten it to where it is today. Here's a few.

https://www.amazon.com/Second-Sex-Simone-Beauvoir/dp/030727778X - Excellent place to start.

It's likely in your local library.

After that...

https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Politics-Kate-Millett/dp/023117425X

Another place to head to next. Controversial, most people have issue with some of things in here. There is no central authority, it's just lots of ideas and challenging yourself that's at the core of it.

https://www.amazon.com/Justice-Gender-Family-Susan-Moller/dp/0465037038

This is another good book to read on the subject after the first two. It's the first academic application of feminist theory to political theory.

That would set the groundwork.

As far as one that describes my view, not sure if I can do that, but that's cuz most people can't do that. I take ideas from multiple books/articles.

>I'll ask, If Feminism is about equality, why not simply fight for Egalitarianism?

Baggage is one reason. The term itself, egalitarianism, has a historical baggage associated with a pretty screwed up past.

Not only that, but feminism is about the advocacy of women's equality to that of men in areas where they are not equal. This is open to interpretation. If we are talking higher-level structural equality on a large scale, there is still much inequality. If we are talking about perceptions of women and stereotypes, there is much inequality. It's one way to look at it.

Also egalitarianism is not just about gender equality by definition, it deals with broader egalitarian concerns like social status, wealth, etc... It's all about catching flies appropriately. One issue at a time. Feminism is focused on gender inequalities, egalitarianism is focused on the total sum of all inequalities. Vast majority of feminists are egalitarian in regards to gender. They may not be in regards to economic status, they probably believe in free market capitalism for instance.

Also this seems like splitting hairs, what does it matter? I don't see many people rhetorically questioning why you call yourself red pill (haven't seen it, not saying they don't).

I want to say something, but you seem to have so much already worked out that I'm unsure as to what exactly I should.

First of all, don't worry. All of us here totally have your back. I think you'll be surprised by how many people can relate to your feelings (a double edged sword really. Yay, I belong; Aww, I'm not special ^_^ ). If you want to put a label to yourself (and by all means, feel free not to), I suggest starting somewhere around here. If you'd like to read about other people's theories and experiences then Bornstein and Bergman are right up your alley.

You're already starting to explore, so I don't really know what else to tell you. Just remember that you are doing this for you. You don't have to conform to anyone's notion of trans any more than you have to conform to anyone's notion of female. Do whatever makes you happy.

The best book ever I think for trans is "Trans bodies trans selves" http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359
Its kind of like the bible of transition.

If you think he is still suicidal there is the Trevor line http://www.thetrevorproject.org/section/donate?gclid=COKv-OPRxsQCFdcSgQod5mkAdA
There number is 1-866-488-7386 and you can call text or chat with them.

The following sub reddits are good r/ftm r/asktransgender r/transeducate and r/TransCommunity

For his parents http://transparenthood.net/

Sorry I don't have more for you. I know he's family to you and Im sure you would never consider otherwise but thank you for helping him. Thank you for taking the time out to prepare. The next year is going to be really hard, probably the hardest in his life and he's going to need every bit of support from everywhere he can get it.
While I'm not FTM I am MTF and if you or he want to talk or need some general pointers Im happy to help just shoot me a pm.

The Clarke/CAMH are an obsolete holdover before the emerging contemporary era of medicine by informed consent.

Its gender programme is still headed by two men (originally with a third person who is now retired) who have argued vociferously that some trans people can be "cured" into just being cis gay people. They subject people to become "candidates" who wait to see if they're "meriting" enough for treatment under their oversight. These two men advocate for keeping trans people classified as "mentally ill" on basis of being trans people per the next edition of the desk reference for mental health, the DSM-V (both sit on the committee overseeing that section of the guide).

Anecdotally, people I've known who enter the Clarke were fundamentally moulded and shaped into a shadow of themselves — that is, a shadow of their vivacity and personality. Transition, done right, does not change your core character. It changes your body. That people are changed (that is, changed beyond their body) after CAMH points to something disquieting about their approach to treatment.

This isn't to say that some people's experiences have been atypically good relative to this. But while The Clarke does green light genital surgery through OHIP coverage (restored in recent years), its methodology for therapy, the self-designed hoops of "legitimacy" they use to vet people, and their legitimization process overall — as well as absurd concepts like calling trans women "male transsexuals" and the like — are emblematic of a rapidly dying era whose research mandate has little to no footing in their arenas of sexology and sexual psychology. Further, it is very difficult to become one of their candidates, of which they only accept a few each year.

The present and the future of care for trans people are in approaching trans experiences from a cornerstone of applied neuroscience and for people who are the age of majority to consider an informed consent approach of reviewing the risks, ramifications, and expected long-term outcome of, principally, the way exogenous endocrine intervention will affect their body.

For minors, the increasingly acknowledged routine of care is a thorough consulting with the parents and, if all in general agreement, a provisional regimen of endogenous hormone blockers before hitting, say, age 16 — after which time the kid can decide whether to continue with exogenous hormones or not.

What the informed consent model does it remove the presumption that to be trans is a mental illness requiring mental health therapy. Trans people aren't mentally ill. Their neurological sex and their morphological sex are congenitally not on the same side. The Clarke/CAMH would like to have us believe otherwise.

If you are interested to read more someday, I highly recommend Viviane Namaste's research on The Clarke in her dissertation-cum-book, Invisible Lives.

tl;dr: The Clarke/CAMH is a dinosaur (hence, the "Jurassic Clarke").

• • *
    
    I don't know if there is an omnibus way to find trans people. We exist in many places, through many circles, and we all have different paths and experiences and world views. You will also find that a lot of trans people do not identify themselves in mixed company for many reasons — among them, safety. Just bounce around and find people along the way, really.

I have many! Here are a few:


Gender Failure by Rae Spoon and Ivan Coyote This is the book version of the authors' live show that toured in 2012. They both are nonbinary, and the stories they tell are about that.


Second Son by Ryan Sallans Ryan has been a role model of mine for a long time, so I was really excited to get his book. It's a pretty basic transition memoir, but he has a really great voice.


Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein This one is a classic, and one I wish I had read much sooner! It's a transition memoir, but she also has some awesome discussions about gender in general too. Also, check out The Next Generation which is a collection of the work of trans* writers and artists.

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg I think everyone should read this. It's a memoir/fiction sort of thing, and gender and transition are shown to be much more complex than in other transition memoirs. This one is quite old though, so maybe your library already has it?

Lastly, I will suggest Red: A Crayon's Story, which is basically the sweetest story about a blue crayon that was given a red wrapper by mistake.

> I don't believe that men are in general priviliged over women in this society which is a recurring notion in feminist theory

I don't share your feminist ideals, but I'd like to rock the label, because... equality! Cool?

Ask not how feminists can validate your ignorance, ask how you can learn more on the subject. Do you like to read? Try one of these, this one here, and another too. Books are yummy. Learn about it.

Well there are all sorts of tribes that are matrilineal and matrilocal and even to degrees matriarchal. But its kinda a false dichotomy to say that ANY group is fully patriarchal or fully matriarchal. In almost every culture there is a split of power along different lines.

In matrilineal cultures there tends to be a split that women control basically the family, but men act on the behalf outside the home. So women control the home, the tribal activities. But men do the trading (and have control over that), men do the fighting (and have control over that.

A good example would be of the Mosuo. There is a lot of hype in feminist circles about them being Matriarchal but they kinda are missing the nuance for political gain. They are probably the most matriarchal culture out there. This is a pretty good ethnography on them, but I would also suggest reading This. It shows as more economic contact is made the there has been the culture is changing, so they aren't exactly the same as the ethnography put them.

It comes down to how the power is allocated really. I mean if you are in a small tribe where basically home life is the only political life and the mother controls the home then yeah its going to seem matriarchal. But even if that were the same model except most of the activity is outside the home and the men controlled that it is going to seem more patriarchal.

Here is a list of what is typically seen as matrilineal and matrilocal societies. As you will see they are incredibly diverse and cross the world. But matriarchy/patriarchy is something a bit harder to put your fingers on.

These decisions that we make are not created in a vacuum. We have all been socialized to accept skin "imperfections" on men more than women. The high standards of beauty have caused us to self police. So no one has to tell the woman that doesn't wear makeup that she looks tired---it might be on her mind anyway and that's not an accident. There's an entire billion dollar industry that tells us that beauty is self care, self esteem, and self improvement. And there are rewards for buying into this idea. So I wouldn't ever lay the responsibility on women for making these decisions---some people are more affected by this marketing than others but none of us are immune.

I used to think that I was "lazy" when it came to my appearance. But I had a therapist point out to me that that it's BS. All that is required of me as a human (regarding my appearance) is that I maintain good hygiene and dress appropriately for the occasion. I've realized that women are made to feel lazy if they don't go above and beyond because our appearance (unfairly) plays such a huge role in our status. Heels, makeup, hair appointments, waxing and on trend fashion are all ~extra~. Finding "flattering" clothing is all about hiding the things that we have been socialized to believe are unsightly. We are made to believe that we are supposed to be skinny, poreless, hairless art objects.

This book is not perfect, but The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf is about this very subject....published in 1990, critics saw it as heresy!

> Feminism, at least on here, seems to completely ignore those factors and jump straight for 'social construct' with no evidence, no reasoning, and no discussion.

This is a false assertion on your part. There is a lot of very powerful evidence that gender is in fact the product of social forces and has very little to do with biology. This evidence emerges from decades of intensive research by sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists and even biologists - who will often point out that while humans are a sexually dimorphic species, the extent of that dimorphism is fairly small.

One of the reasons you might not be seeing this evidence in discussions of gender online is because, frankly, having to stop a discussion to provide links to this exhaustive mountain of evidence every time someone with little knowledge of the material demands to see it is frustrating and tiresome. There are hundreds - thousands - of introductory textbooks from sociology, anthropology, gender studies, and psychology that talk about the social construction of gender; if you want to see the evidence, then look there. Most feminists accept the academic consensus that gender is primarily the product of culture, and because that consensus is grounded in the best possible empirical research, you should accept it too.

Or don't. I'm not your boss. But if you don't accept it, then you should accept that in rejecting the social construction of gender, you're also rejecting the preponderance of evidence, which might not be the best place to plant your flag.

>I think saying it's 100% socially constructed is probably wrong too...

Good thing that's not what most people are saying. Bodies exist. They are the things onto which we inscribe our cultural values. But they are also incredibly malleable and so they are shaped and reshaped by the dictates of culture.

Why do children raised in poverty have poorer health outcomes than those raised in middle class or rich environments? Because poverty correlates with poorer diets, fewer calories consumed per day, and a lack of regular access to gyms or after-school fitness programs. Poor bodies are shaped in different ways than rich bodies because of culture. I mean, hell, the foundation of epidemiology is the recognition that cultural forces have enormous impact on bodies.

Why are men bigger and stronger than women? Biology? Perhaps, but we also cannot overlook the fact that in our society - and in many others - men are expected to consume an average of 300-400 additional calories per day than women. Is this because men are "naturally" bigger and stronger than women, or are men bigger and stronger than women because they've historically had access to higher calorie diets (which we know result in bigger, stronger people)? Do men have more muscle mass because testosterone, or do they have more muscle mass because they are incentivized to be more muscled than women - who are treated worse if their own muscle mass begins to impact their perceived femininity? Men are supposed to be big and strong; women are supposed to be petite and "trim" or "fit but not overly muscled". Men know this and women know this, and our recognition of these normative standards will pressure us to sculpt our bodies in different ways.

What I'm saying is that the cliches of "men are strong because biology, men like blue because culture" is reductionist to the point of being useless. The reality is far, far more complicated than this, but in the end, in light of decades of research into the question of nature v. nurture, the broad consensus is "a little bit of biology, and a whole boatload of culture".

I think what you posted is a really good start if it's specific to your area. For additional resources, this website has a lot of info for providers on prescribing T (http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-masculinizing-therapy) & the WPATH Standards of Care would be a good one (https://www.wpath.org/publications/soc), but I know there's some disagreement about some of its recommendations. The book Trans Bodies, Trans Selves (https://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359) is a really good comprehensive overview & would be a great place for a psychiatrist who wants to learn more to start. It's basically a textbook but costs around $30 on Amazon, they keep the price low to make it as accessible as possible.

How old is she?

I haven't read it, but this looks interesting: Trans Bodies, Trans Selves

Or, if you want to go for clothing, opaque black tights are easy to fit, go with everything, have a place in all but the butchest wardrobes, and nobody ever has too many.

You're awesome.

Awesome, and congrats on all the work you're doing! Good luck moving; I always find that process really stressful, but then settling into a new place is great.

Self-Reliance really helped me out early in transition, and so did the book Nobody Passes, in case you want to check it out once you're in your new place.

It's not about Stonewall, but Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940 explores a lot of interesting stuff most people don't know about. I took Chauncey's queer history class at Yale. It was amazing.

As for trans* stuff, I'd recommend a lot of theory. Judith Butler mainly. I'd also recommend Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity.

There's a really good book called Nobody Passes. The basic idea is that ALL of us are trying to pass as something, and have fears about whether or not we're succeeding. Some of us are just attempting to pass on things that are more ... controversial, I suppose? I am not trans*, but I am a Lesbian married to a dude, I was raised Mormon, and I have always felt like I don't fit in anywhere. Reading the book was a great dose of solidarity for me, to know there were others out there who felt out of place.

SPOILER ALERT:

I'm more interested in Sam "Samantha" Healey. Trans* as well?

Here is a little fan theory I just thought of. Healey is Ukranian right? In parts of the Balkans (although it is dying out) there is a class of persons known as "Sworn Virgins." They are/were women who dressed, acted, and took the role of men to become household heads to protect their families. Unlike women they could inhereit property and some even married (though they of course did not have children). Some were raised to become Sworn Virgins by their parents when no male heir was produced in the family.

This would explain Healey's rigid bend to traditions, the name "Samantha," and the unsuccessful marriage to the Russian bride. He/she's of the older generation so he was raised to be a Sworn Virgin by his/her mother but when he/she came to the states, Healey had to undergo a physical and was discovered to be female. So Immigration gave Sam a female name and he/she went on to play the male role in the house while hiding his female gender from the rest of society. Until later, of course, when Sam gets a job with the department of corrections. He/she is able to hide it and has to have a more thourough backround screening...

Sam's superior Caputo is the only one who knows because he has access to his/her file. He uses this information to intimidate Sam (calling his "Samantha" in one episode).

Given what we know about Healey, and the subtle clues the show has given about his/her heritage, this could be a possibility and an interesting twist!

For more information on the Balkan's history of Sworn Virgins, read this book

A Slate article on them.

sworebytheprecious wrote:

SPOILER ALERT:

I'm more interested in Sam "Samantha" Healey. Trans* as well?

Here is a little fan theory I just thought of. Healey is Ukranian right? In parts of the Balkans (although it is dying out) there is a class of persons known as "Sworn Virgins." They are/were women who dressed, acted, and took the role of men to become household heads to protect their families. Unlike women they could inhereit property and some even married (though they of course did not have children). Some were raised to become Sworn Virgins by their parents when no male heir was produced in the family.

This would explain Healey's rigid bend to traditions, the name "Samantha," and the unsuccessful marriage to the Russian bride. He/she's of the older generation so he was raised to be a Sworn Virgin by his/her mother but when he/she came to the states, Healey had to undergo a physical and was discovered to be female. So Immigration gave Sam a female name and he/she went on to play the male role in the house while hiding his female gender from the rest of society. Until later, of course, when Sam gets a job with the department of corrections. He/she is able to hide it and has to have a more thourough backround screening...

Sam's superior Caputo is the only one who knows because he has access to his/her file. He uses this information to intimidate Sam (calling his "Samantha" in one episode).

Given what we know about Healey, and the subtle clues the show has given about his/her heritage, this could be a possibility and an interesting twist!

For more information on the Balkan's history of Sworn Virgins, read this book

A Slate article on them.

I'm amazed no one has mentioned this yet, but Julia Serano's books (The Whipping Girl and Excluded) both discuss this in great detail with a focus on anti-trans and anti-bisexual discrimination in queer/feminist circles.

Definitely worth checking out if you're interested in this stuff.

Full disclosure: I have not read any of these books. They are all in my Amazon Smile wish list :) Also, some are specifically for transgender issues, but some are geared toward the client or LGBTQ community. You can read them and integrate the information to support your practice.

• Gender Quest Workbook
  
  
• Handbook of Counseling and Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Clients
  
  
• Counseling LGBTI Clients
  
  
• Nurturing Queer Youth: Family Therapy Transformed
  
  
• Handbook of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity in Counseling and Psychotherapy
  
  
• Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic Guidelines for Working With Gender-Variant People and Their Families
  
  
• Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community

I'm really sorry you are going through this tough time. Gender and identity can be tricky and heartbreaking for millennial in liberal cities (like me), it can be much harder for people in your situation. But that doesn't mean its impossible.

​

I imagine that this will be tricky to suppress for the rest of your life. Being in touch with who we are is important, even if it can be tough. But that doesn't mean it needs to happen all at once, or in a disorganised manner. Sometimes having a few people who know the 'real you' can alleviate some of the pressure. One of those people might be a therapist who can help you work through any other options that are available.

​

You might find this book helpful, Meg John Barker is an excellent writer on gender (gen x, I would guess). I've also heard good things about Kate Borstein's Gender Outlaw (and she narrates the audiobook so you could listen to it on your commute) - she's gen x as well.

​

I hope this helps, and my thoughts are with you.

You're bi, you're awesome, live your best life.

One thing that helped me was learning about other famous bisexual people, reading their stories, hearing their words. It's very affirming.

Some books you might consider reading:
Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution https://www.amazon.com/dp/1580054749/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_meWnDb4RYF9WB

Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0965388158/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VeWnDbX28YXHB

Bi Any Other Name - Bisexual People Speak Out https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626011990/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ufWnDb1EWEQDE

Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/0965388174/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_xhWnDbFK28M2N

You might enjoy the book Gender: In Cross-Cultural perspective...I can't seem to find a free PDF copy off-hand but it is an excellent book that goes into both male and female gender roles across various cultures from modern to ancient.

https://www.amazon.com/Society-without-Fathers-Husbands-China/dp/1890951137

I recommend this anthropology book for anyone interested in this topic. In Na society, unclehood is considered more important than fatherhood. It's very different and interesting

You don't need to worry about what other people think about the orientation you identify as...it's your identity and you are the one who identifies it and the one who matters! You don't need to prove your orientation to anyone (not even yourself) with any sexual behavior...orientation isn't about behavior, but rather longer-term potential for attraction. Some people may re-identify with experiences, growth, or time, but people need to be believed for what they say...doubt to this is usually just rude and misconcieved. We are #stillBisexual for years and to the end of our life.

As to stereotype and intersectionality, the best and most empowering book I've read is from Shiri Eisner, Bi: Notes on a Bisexual Revolution. It explains why stereotypes exist and then spins them around to reexamine what they say about culture.

A lot of it is just how you feel internally. I'm amab, but don't usually present in a feminine way in public due to how many assholes are out there. When I do, I make sure that I'm armed.

This book would probably answer all of your questions, and it does so in a very user friendly and easy to understand way, even for people who are straight and cis: How to Understand Your Gender https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785927469/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_txISDbVPY8001

I'd second that book. Interestingly it is over 20 years old now, I'd like to see her update it. This one also looks good

https://www.amazon.com/Flipside-Feminism-What-Conservative-Women/dp/1935071270/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1464835193&sr=8-7&keywords=who+stole+feminism

Sorry for the late reply, I only now stumbled upon your question.

Here are some more books that I haven't seen mentioned. All of them are non-fiction, all of the authors have published more on the topic.

• "Testo Junkie" by Beatriz Preciado A first-hand account of Preciado's experimentation with testosterone, what she refers to as "gender hacking".
  
• "In A Queer Time and Place" by Judith/Jack Halberstam Just one example of probably one of the foremost academics concerning trans* issues.
  
• "Whipping Girl" by Julia Serano Serano's description of her understanding of her own trans-identity. Beautifully meshed into the current theoretical discourse.
  
• "Transgender Warriors" by Leslie Feinberg Several accounts of people apparently violating established gender norms and the attempt to fit them into a narrative of gender rebellion.
  
  Hope some of that sparks your interest.

I would first recommend reading the Beauty Myth.

https://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Myth-Images-Against-Women-ebook/dp/B0014H32D0

If you want a history that focuses on the U.S., Susan Stryker's book Transgender History is good.

If you want a world history, there isn't really one single book that covers specifically transgender history in the whole world. The best one is Leslie Feinberg's Transgender Warriors, though it has some problems.

Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions is a college textbook but it's chapters on men and masculinity are very informative and easy to understand.

Check out Susan Moller Okin's Justice, Gender, and the Family for one of the most prominent feminist critiques of Rawls. Also, a quick Google search yielded this paper, which you may find interesting.

My favorite term is "racialized", because it really highlights the fact that white is the default assumption.

edit: highly recommended source: Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution, by Shiri Eisner, which touches on lots of intersectional issues, including race

For ancient stuff, Leslie Feinberg's book Transgender Warriors is a place to start. It's not really academically rigorous, but a good introduction to gender-variant people and stories from ancient history to today.

TIL /u/bawkedybawk is the only other person in the sub wishing for this book! One day I will read it... seems almost a rite of passage lol.

Leslie Feinberg's Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue is fantastic!

Not all of these are ML and not all of them are that recent, but here's some good Marxist books written by women & trans comrades:

• Women, Race & Class by Angela Y. Davis
  
• Caliban and the Witch by Silvia Federici
  
• Marxism and the Oppression of Women: Toward a Unitary Theory by Lise Vogel
  
• Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg

You're probably aware already, but for anyone reading along there is some good history to this general idea, or at least something close to what you're discussing. Martine Rothblatt wrote about the links between transgender and transhuman in 2011.

Going back further:

>At the 2003 Transvision conference Vanessa Foster, the chair of the National Transgender Acton Coalition, took the podium in the “The Future of Sex and Gender” workshop and announced that she was a pre-operative transsexual. Her presentation was built around the theme of the village mob’s attack on a misunderstood Frankenstein’s monster. Between images of beautiful transsexuals and stills from Frankenstein movies, Ms. Foster declared that transsexuals were the first transhumanists. As history we can debate the point, but as politics it was an historical moment. Transhumanism as a vanguard civil rights movement had arrived, and the stunned but open expressions on the faces of the largely straight male audience showed the work that transhumanists still needed to do to reach out to the disparate constituencies that will build democratic transhumanism.

Link.

That fear may be overblown but this is a thing that some people are doing-- making certain strong women from history who were uncomfortable with gender roles or wore men's clothing into trans men.

Here's a New Yorker piece suggesting Carson McCullers was really a trans man for no good reason: http://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/white-writer/amp

Here's a book about "transgender warriors" that includes Joan of Arc: https://www.amazon.ca/Transgender-Warriors-Making-History-Dennis/dp/0807079413

https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-History-Studies-Susan-Stryker/dp/158005224X
Transgender History (Seal Studies) (9781580052245): Susan ...

Used as the definitive Text at College and Universities.

https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Studies-Reader-1/dp/041594709X
The Transgender Studies Reader (Volume 1 ... - Amazon.com
Also used in college Gender Studies courses.

https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Warriors-Making-History-Dennis/dp/0807079413
Transgender Warriors : Making History from Joan ... - Amazon.com

I don't know how they labeled themselves, but it was definitely under the Tran Umbrella.

I would stay with them and see how you feel. Also it REALLY helps to learn as much as you can about the trans experience and trans issues.

http://www.youtube.com/user/tsdollhouse/

reddit.com/r/transgender

http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves is pretty much an encyclopedia of trans.

It looks to me like The Flip Side of Feminism suggests exactly the opposite of what OP is saying: that feminism resulted from women not having enough guidance/discipline/attention when growing up.

Trans bodies trans selves is a pretty good resource for trans folk and allies alike. There is a lot in there and can be a bit dense but it's really informative. https://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359

The Na people of China are the only group I've read about that don't practice marriage.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1890951137?pc_redir=1398108671&robot_redir=1

There are, however, places in which marriage practices bear little if any resemblance to what you might think of as marriage.

The Nandi for example have a really interesting tradition of female husbands.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nandi_people

Sure, susans.org is a huge forum with allies and partners and trans people of all stripes.

This website is part of the Silvia Rivera project who is a rather well known leader in the community, since Stonewall, who died of cancer.
https://srlp.org/resources/trans-101/

There’s tons of trans vloggers you can go to. Most but not all have a 101 video, and/or talk about their experiences being trans. Here’s a list:
https://blog.feedspot.com/transgender_youtube_channels/

There’s a number of authors you may look into as well, here’s some books:
https://www.amazon.com/Whipping-Girl-Transsexual-Scapegoating-Femininity/dp/1580056229
https://www.amazon.com/Redefining-Realness-Path-Womanhood-Identity/dp/1476709130/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543615079&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=janet+mock&dpPl=1&dpID=5179e6QMxzL&ref=plSrch
https://www.amazon.com/Surpassing-Certainty-What-Twenties-Taught/dp/1501145797/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1543615079&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=janet+mock&dpPl=1&dpID=511ZZslW8TL&ref=plSrch
https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-History-second-Todays-Revolution/dp/158005689X/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=158005689X&pd_rd_r=0ddc8e87-f4eb-11e8-8ad5-2179f688e965&pd_rd_w=dZYLz&pd_rd_wg=l40fZ&pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=926ebe02-3236-40c6-ac63-01ad178f498a&pf_rd_r=7XK0K0TEGTZS8SNQ9YMP&pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=7XK0K0TEGTZS8SNQ9YMP
https://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_of_15?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0199325359&pd_rd_r=0ddc8e87-f4eb-11e8-8ad5-2179f688e965&pd_rd_w=mqDub&pd_rd_wg=l40fZ&pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=57b46099-d750-4d74-83ee-63ad64b310a4&pf_rd_r=7XK0K0TEGTZS8SNQ9YMP&pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=7T7APJ7MA85RWVJHJW5T
https://www.amazon.com/Shes-Not-There-Life-Genders/dp/0385346972/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_of_17?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0385346972&pd_rd_r=0ddc8e87-f4eb-11e8-8ad5-2179f688e965&pd_rd_w=mqDub&pd_rd_wg=l40fZ&pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=57b46099-d750-4d74-83ee-63ad64b310a4&pf_rd_r=7XK0K0TEGTZS8SNQ9YMP&pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=BNNAHM1QDG52M4D25XX2
https://www.amazon.com/Gender-Outlaw-Men-Women-Rest/dp/1101973242/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_of_20?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1101973242&pd_rd_r=0ddc8e87-f4eb-11e8-8ad5-2179f688e965&pd_rd_w=mqDub&pd_rd_wg=l40fZ&pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=57b46099-d750-4d74-83ee-63ad64b310a4&pf_rd_r=7XK0K0TEGTZS8SNQ9YMP&pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=WC57YE4ZTSS8XPR20CRY

Finally, someone who knows what I'm taking about and I can converse with about this topic!

Usually I just get people who bash me for being a feminist or people who can't comprehend that patriarchy is oppressive.


>If I disagree with a woman's choice to wear a burka or veil, then I am engaging in an act of paternalism by telling her that from my perspective she is being oppressed and that there is something wrong with her for not seeing that.

Bingo, that's the crux of the problem. It is so difficult to parse out what is someone's choice and what is an environmental influence. There is also a difficulty with talking about an oppressive system without somehow maligning the folks who seemingly choose to be oppressed by it.

My view is a very radical and liberal one that most people would not find appealing. It's absolute egalitarianism in the sense that I would like to see society reach a point where there are no gender roles. It's an ideal that would take many years to achieve, but that's what I take to be a better society. Gender roles (no matter how they are set up) are inherently sexist, and I would like to see them go.

I mean, I could say I became an atheist out of free choice, but I can easily trace the events over several years that led me onto the path I am now.

Was I first coerced by my environment to be muslim and then coerced by a new environment to become an atheist.

I don't know how interested you are in reading academic feminism, but if you ever want more info on what I'm trying to say, try Justice, Gender, and Family by Susan Okin.

try starting with this and see if it helps.

hiya, I'm a trans woman philosophy student who's primarily interested in current goings on in materialist philosophy, mostly continental. I'm in love with Hegel, Marx, and Lacan. I really don't like Judith Butler, and I really don't like Kate Bornstein.

aaaaanyway, you might be interested in reading Catherine Malabou's Changing Difference. there are only a handful of very brief references to being trans, but it does explore the idea of gender in a way that attempts to go beyond either essentialism or constructionism, something that seems very worthwhile. usually when I notice any reference to trans-related issues in anything I read, though, it's a quick dismissal based on the association of transgenderism -- not entirely unfairly, in my opinion at least -- with the sort of post-structuralist/postmodern constructionist thought to which the authors are generally directly opposed. also, here is a pretty cool blog post that looks at some of the seemingly reactionary stuff Badiou and Žižek have said about trans peeps, altho idk how interesting you'll find that if you're not already familiar with those two. that blog has giant assholes tiled as the background, tho, so it's a bit NSFW.

some other neato trans-related books I like, although some of these have some stuff that would generally be considered offensive and negative by most trans folks:

-Horsexe: Essay on Transsexuality by Catherine Millot

-Assuming a Body: Transgender and Rhetorics of Materiality by Gayle Salamon

-Please Select Your Gender: From the Invention of Hysteria to the Democratizing of Transgenderism by Patricia Gherovici

-Invisible Lives: The Erasure of Transsexual and Transgendered People by Viviane Namaste

>My father is black and my mom is white. I am really white due to albinism. Not sure what my racial label would be. I'm a natal woman.

Your account is also quite new and this is the first time you’ve mentioned your heritage. ‘Round these parts, I find it can be really hard to believe what new accounts are saying… There are lots of trolls around here. It’s especially weird that you can’t come up with what racial category you’d fit into.

>Not everyone who disagrees with you is a natal male.
True. And even if you are exactly who you say you are, I’ve had plenty of words with brown natal women who fundamentally misunderstand concepts relating to anti-racism. Although I’ve never intereacted with her, one prime example of this is this black woman who argues that slavery was a choice. So, it’s just annoying in a different way than having a natal male fundamentally fail to grasp concepts related to race and gender.


>Your interpretation of transgender people is based on various conspiracy theories.
Proof?

>Attributing the situation in Iran to transgender people as a whole is illogical and ignores the specific cultural context of that country.

I attributed the situation in Iran primarily to homophobia within a repressive, misogynistic and sexist context. Transgenderism is a theory / set of beliefs that emerges within such contexts due to such societies wanting to shove everyone into acceptable categories.

>Homophobic conservatives agree with you in regards to draconian bathroom bills, does that mean you approve of their rationality because you have the same goal? Should we equally blame GC theorists for the implementation of these laws?

These bathroom bills are actually not draconian in my opinion. No one is being strip searched on the way in, they only bar natal males from using female spaces. And bathrooms are really interesting because they are the least concerning, more concerning are dressing rooms, locker rooms, prisons, women’s shelters, etc.

Anyway, you are right that conservatives and GC feminists want these protections for women for different reasons. I actually wish GC feminism had a hand in any of these laws, but I don’t think it does due to its lack of political clout. However, just because you are right on this point does not mean that the homophobic transitioning in Iran is fundamentally different than here in the West.

>How are GNC people being forced to transition in the West? There are very few hardcore Christians who subscribe to this (it's against the Bible anyway). The vast majority of people do not want their children to be trans.

Sure, most people don’t want their child to be anything other than a gender conforming heterosexual. But transition is often seen as a good alternative to a kid being homosexual or GNC. It also allows kids an out of the abuse that pretty much all gender non-conforming people get.

>This is why I say your beliefs are based off of conspiracy theory.

Well, I just refuted every point so you will have to do etter.

>There's no credible evidence that GNC women are forced to no longer as identify as women.

So what’s credible evidence to you? If trans theorists want to have it so that their subjective experience of feeling some gender or other is credible evidence that they are that gender, I really don’t think that they’re in a good position to be demanding hard evidence of much of anything. That said, no I don’t know of any rigorous studies on the topic but what I do know is that many, many lesbians especially have been converting to trans ideology. This also seems to be the group of people most likely to detransition. This leaves many young lesbians unable to find a lesbian partner who is not in some way queer aligned (i.e. natal females who are trans men, non-binary, or some other “gender identity” that isn’t woman”).

>The vast majority of women will always identify as women or not think about identity much at all. Even if 50 GNC women come out as trans this year, that's not even 1% of the female population in the US.

Ha, you in the last paragraph were all like “there’s no credible evidence for this general thing” and in this one you’re like “but this general thing is definitely true”. You trans theorists always want it both ways.

>The obvious trend here is that some people are experimenting with their identity. That doesn't constitute some paranoid Orwellian scenario.

Experimenting with different aspects of personality: fine, great, yay!, have fun, go nuts. Creating a myriand of special “gender identities” that cannot be objectively defined (i.e. defined in any way that is not hopelessly circular) on which are being built legislation and policies that overwrite or impinge on the rights of natal females: not ok, holy shit what is this mess? I guess it’s maybe more Handmaid’s Tale than Orwellian, but it is definitely dystopian and will have disastrous consequences for natal females as a class.

>Ignoring historical oppression of women is almost entirely a MRA/conservative phenomenon.

Haha, there are literally myriad examples of trans theorists doing that in this sub. The level of doublespeak on you people is amazing.

>Queer theory is literally founded on principles of feminism.

Queer theory takes terminology from feminism and distorts it in such a way that it ends up being oppressive and erasing to natal females. This is what neoliberalism generally does; it coopts progressive thinking in ways that feel and may appear on first glance to be progressive but in reality are trojan horses that are even more regressive and dangerous than conservatism. Sheila Jeffery’s book Unpacking Queer Politics has led many natal women to peak trans.

>Whether or not gender is biologically based is irrelevant.

Wrong. It is the crux of the matter. I argue that, in a sense, gender IS definitely biologically based as it is a system of oppression that has been arbitrarily attached to a very real biological phenomenon: that of sexual dimorphisim in humans.

For trans theory to make sense within a material, secular humanist context, it also has to be biologically based (e.g. there has to be sexed differences in the brain and sometimes a male bodied person has to be able to be somehow be born with a female brain). So you are left with either claiming that gender is based in the brain or comes from the ether somehow. It is definitely not irrelevant where it comes from and how it is formed.

>People are going to express themselves how they wish. Shaming them or assuming they've been brainwashed by the "trans cult" (kind of hard to have a cult without cohesive leadership or ideology) isn't the answer. Instead consider that every individual has their own idea of self and you can only understand their view by understanding their individual psychology.

Right, and free expression is what gender abolition is all about. Why in the world do personalities have to be labeled as male or female? That’s regressive. Really, I wouldn’t give a shit what madness people get into in their private lives. Go ahead and identify as Batman if you want. I do, however, start to care when you try to force me to believe that you are literally Batman because you feel like you are or when you start claiming that you’re just as much Batman as the real Batman, but only more oppressed and that you require special legal protections that override those already in place for actual Batmen.


>On an anecdotal note, I'm very GNC and have never had my identity dictated to me by trans women or men. Only by religious zealots and GC theorists.

My anecdata conflicts with yours on this point: pretty much every single trans theorist I’ve come across has said that since I don’t feel gender in any real way, I must be so cis priviliged I can’t see it or possibly agender or possibly non-binary or maybe gender fluid. They HAVE to try to slot me into a gender or their whole ideology falls apart.

Buy her book if you like it: http://www.amazon.com/Flipside-Feminism-What-Conservative-Women/dp/1935071270/?tag=redditcom-20

Tell her to do the work herself. She is a professional therapist, that's her job! I guarantee you aren't the first or last person she'll see with gender issues.

Books:
http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Emergence-Therapeutic-Guidelines-Gender-Variant/dp/078902117X

http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359

If it starts getting out-of-control (like, you can't leave the house because you're worried you look too awful to be seen in public), do seek help. Symptoms in this area sometimes get classified as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (basically, a subtype of OCD where you can't stop worrying that you look hideous) and it can get pretty unpleasant if it carries on unchecked. I've had it, and it not only made me feel rubbish, it cost me £3000 in cosmetic surgery!

More info here if you fancy reading up on it or you get to the stage of needing help with it: http://bddfoundation.org/

Though mind you, if symptoms are still mild and able to be reasoned with, you can do worse than read a good book on why our society's beauty standards are crazy, oppressive and unrealistic. It can be a real tonic to get a bit angry at the way the media convinces us we have to look like a perfectly photoshopped model 24/7. I reckon reading stuff like this actually helped me to get past obsessions about my appearance, because the obsessions moved on to other topics and left my appearance alone: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Beauty-Myth-Images-Against-Women/dp/0099861909/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1483952439&sr=8-2&keywords=the+beauty+myth

It's not that new. There is a book about this from 1997 (source)

There's From Transgender To Transhuman by Martine Rothblatt

Here is the desktop version of your link

Also http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Warriors-Making-History-Dennis/dp/0807079413 , which isn't US-specific but has a lot of US-based content.

Not doing summaries/reviews, cause it's late and I'm tired. On request, I suppose. Mostly books, with a couple docs and a few blogs.


Less theory, more personal experiences:

• Stone Butch Blues (fiction)
  
• S/He
  
• 3 to Infinity: Beyond Two Genders
  
• Gender Failure
  
• Neutrois Nonsense
  
• Asexy Sex
  
• (a)sexual
  
  Actually Theory:
  
  
• Not Your Mom's Trans 101
  
• My (new) Gender Workbook
  
• You and Your Gender Identity (The author also has some videos)
  
• Any of the videos or articles Zinnia Jones does
  
• As Nature Made Him
  
• Whipping Girl
  
• Queer Theory: An Introduction
  
• Gender Outlaw
  
• Gender Outlaws (same author, different books)
  
• Transgender Warriors
  
• Sexing the Body
  
  And a couple links I make it a point to share whenever I can:
  
  
• Trans 101 (for trans people
  
• there are some things I need to tell you

> passing

One re-phrasing of this that I really liked(from a chapter of this book that also discusses why 'passing' isn't a great term, for the curious) was whether someone is read as their gender.

It moves the onus of responsibility from the transperson being the one who has to pass to other people being the ones who should read them correctly. It also removes the gross undertones that transpeople are somehow in disguise and 'passing' is just their disguise working.

Of course in a perfect world we wouldn't need termonology around it at all, but this isn't that world (yet) and people need some way to talk about their experiences.

According to at least one book I've read, transgender people were recognized in a number of civilizations that would predate the Greeks by a few thousand years. They tended to be widely recognized and respected among communal, matriarchal and hunter-gather type societies. It was the emergence of patriarchy that forced the division of people into male/female binary categories for reasons of power, inheritance and such in patriarchal cultures, and that's when the repression of trans began. Hermaphroditus came to the game very late...

Here's my list so far. It's a mix of FTM-specific, general trans, and gender studies books, including essays, memoir, and more academic works. In no particular order:

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler


Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman


Nina Here Nor There by Nick Krieger

Female Masculinity by Judith Halberstam

Nobody Passes - Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore


Whipping Girl by Julia Serano


How Sex Changed: A History of Transexuality in the United States by Joanne Meyerowitz

Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green

Queer Theory, Gender Theory: An Instant Primer by Riki Wilchins

PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality edited by Carol Queen

Genderqueer: Voices From Beyond the Sexual Binary edited by Joan Nestle

From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond

Second Son by Ryan Sallans

Why are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

and the must-read fiction:

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

I'll edit this if I can find any others, I'm probably missing a couple. Been a big non-fiction reading year for me!

EDIT: Edited to add links, and a few more on my wish list I haven't picked up yet.

Letters for my Brothers: Transitional Wisdom in Retrospect edited By Megan M. Rohrer, M.Div. & Zander Keig, M.SW.

That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men by Lori B. Girshick

Just Add Hormones: An Insider's Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey

The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolf Valerio

• Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity

Looking for a pdf copy of these three books. Will pay lowest offer via PayPal

​

First: What does it mean to be human?

Second: Gender in cross cultural perspective

Third: Gender and Women's Studies

​

​

I've heard of this book but never read it, so maybe I'm misunderstanding it, but I was quite surprised and disappointed to see this book by the same author in the Vancouver Women's Library catalogue.

https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Warriors-Making-History-Dennis/dp/0807079413/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1486467745&sr=8-1&keywords=Transgender+Warriors%3A+Making+History+from+Joan+of+Arc+to+Dennis

Joan of Arc?

There are a couple of books that I think your library may have (or be able to get through interlibrary loan).

Nobody Passes,
Delusions of Gender,
She's Not the Man I Married.

The last book is the sequel to an earlier one, and is probably one that would speak most to what you seem to be asking in this post.

When I'm having a discussion about gender, one of the visual analogies I like to do is this (motions in italics, spoken is not italics):

(take a piece of paper, like 8½ x 11 or A1)
All humans have emotions and feelings and desires and hope and longings.
start tearing the paper into smaller squares
These pieces represent the feelings, hopes, desires and emotions we all have.
there should be one pile now
Each society and culture decides which of these human things is masculine and which is feminine
split the pile into 2 piles
One pile is for humans with penises, the other for humans with vaginas.
take 1-2 pieces from each pile and put them into the other
As long as one mostly conforms to society's idea of what belongs in each pile, a little difference is acceptable.
take a lot more than 1-2, but less than half from each pile and pop it into the other pile
But when too much of you is different from what society expects, you get called sissy, fag, dyke, queer, tomboy and other bad & cruel things. Bad enough that some people will attack and beat you for being different. Long before children know what sex is, they're beating each other for being too different while denouncing the victim as a fag or lezzie. And even as adults, the violence gets called things like "hate crime" and "gay bashing" and sometimes results in death.
now take almost all of it, more than half of each pile and toss them into the other pile
And sometimes, you get so far from what society expects that you get like this. Where you are convinced that you're in the wrong body. That's usually called "gender dysphoria*.

From there, there is usually a discussion with questions and answers, and it is OK for the answers to be "I don't know" or "I don't know yet".

I don't know if your SO was victimized in school, but that can make some folks think that they're really more of the wrong sex than they really are (as in they're really "just a sissy" and not "a woman trapped in a man's body"). This is grossly over-simplified, but I think it gives an idea of what a real therapist would be needed to identify. And please don't think I'm disparaging sissies, transgendered people or anyone in between.

It is normal for you to not be attracted if your SO transitions - because attraction and sexual identity is very important; and people rarely look into where it comes from and why. It isn't reasonable to say "well, it is still the same person inside" because it is extremely common to lose attraction (and become disgusted) when your partner gains large amounts of weight. It is still the same person inside, but the package is not what we're looking for. I'm sorry. You're sorry. We're all sorry.