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Reddit mentions of The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT

Sentiment score: 48
Reddit mentions: 68

We found 68 Reddit mentions of The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT. Here are the top ones.

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT
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Found 68 comments on The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT:

u/nireyal · 53 pointsr/IAmA

By this point, I've tried them all, and I don't want to overwhelm people. But here are a few of my favorites:

Surfing the urge (MP3) -- An audio-based exercise from the University of Washington that helps an individual develop the practice of dealing with cravings or urges to behave in a certain way.

The Happiness Trap -- This is a good intro to Acceptance and Commitment therapy.

Mixmax -- Among other things, it allows you to delay email delivery--which can help you control your inbox.

Sanebox -- They analyze your email habits to determine future email importance and auto-filter/organize those emails so that the most important ways get the attention they deserve. It also comes with the SaneBlackHole feature that ensures you never see emails from a particular address ever again.

X.Ai -- An AI personal assistant who schedules meetings for you.

Facebook Newsfeed Eradicator -- A personal favorite, and it does what it says it will do: makes your newsfeed disappear, so you can use the best of Facebook without getting pulled into the vortex.

Distraction-Free YouTube -- Similar to the Newsfeed Eradicator -- this scrubs ads and recommended videos, so you watch what you came to watch on YouTube.

That's just a few, and I'm happy to share more if people would like!

u/[deleted] · 28 pointsr/exmormon

>How did anyone here crawl out of their emotional wreck and become functioning and content members of society after leaving?

First, the existential vacuum is real when leaving the Church and so is the excruciating loneliness. You're not alone and you can make it through. For me, a big part of the answer was just giving it time (cliche, I know, but still true) and just surviving the long, miserable days that followed my loss of faith.

Second, reading books helped. Lots of books from others that have previously dealt with these existential questions. Some recommendations are:

u/SonicTheHedgehog · 19 pointsr/GetMotivated

Zuko's hilarious but interestingly enough if you look at the basic principles of mindfulness and therapies based on mindfulness there's a similar idea ie. to learn to defuse from your thinking self and more often be in tune with your observing self.

So you accept your thoughts, urges, feelings as they are but not fuse with them and instead move in the direction of the things you value. There's a girl you're interested in, you feel anxiety at asking her out, you don't struggle with that anxiety or let it define you, you accept it but ask her out because it aligns with your values of love, connection, intimacy. The thinking self would run rampant, "I should ask her out. But she'll reject me. What if they laugh at me. I'm not gonna do it, she'll think I'm creepy. Okay here she comes. Damn, I missed my chance. I can't believe I missed my chance. I'll never be in a relationship. I'm going to be lonely forever. I am unlovable. I am a useless piece of human garbage."

As for your other self, your observing self, you get more into tune with this through focusing on the here and now and defusing from the thoughts of your thinking self. You've taken thousands of showers in your lifetime and while you have the option to think about how behind you are in school during your shower, you also have the option to revel in it for what it is and just enjoy the experience.

For anyone more interested in Uncle Zuko's wisdom, https://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

I miss Avatar. Are they ever gonna do another series or was Korra the last one?

u/littlesoubrette · 17 pointsr/ISTJ

I struggle immensely with self-hate. Mine came from past abuse, severe mental illnesses, and not getting proper care or addressing my trauma for many years until I was eventually hospitalized. The biggest thing I've done to work towards releasing the self-hate and moving towards self-love is the concept of self-compassion. Like, you probably wouldn't say the things you say to yourself ("You're not good enough" "Why did you fail at that task?" "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you more successful?") to a friend, a child, or even your younger self, right? We're incredibly unabashedly mean to ourselves. I think ISTJ's are prone to thinking this way, but really I think most people struggle with this to some degree. American culture is all about fend for yourself and your success are only measured by what others can see (how much money you make, your job, your education, etc). We don't live in a culture that fosters self-compassion or self-acceptance, so we have to work on it ourselves. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT has been immensely helpful to me, as well as working with therapists who use ACT. One of the primary features of this therapy is self-acceptance and self-compassion. Give yourself a break! Sometimes life is really hard and we just expect ourselves to be able to handle it, and when we can't or don't, the self-hate creeps in and we begin to wonder what's wrong with us and then no compliment or achievement can make us happy or feel worthwhile. It has to come from within. Start today by simply talking to yourself as a friend or as a child. Instead of saying "This project I completed isn't good enough" and falling into a self-hate and shame spiral, say "This project isn't where I'd like it to be, but I'm really tired and it's the best I could do for now." Just re-framing those thoughts into more self-compassionate ones helps a lot. Talk to yourself kindly, even if you don't think you deserve it. The best advice I can give if this practice is intolerable is to fake it until you make it. Fake that you feel okay, fake that you can accept less than perfection. It sucks, but overtime the less you engage in the self-hate thoughts and move towards self-compassion thoughts, the easier it'll be to really be self-compassionate and to end the cycle of self-hate.

I also ride the ISTJ/INTJ line and am very pessimistic and very hard on myself. It's been a major struggle in my life, and unfortunately I've had to seek professional and even hospital level help on many occasions in order to... uh... at a very basic level stay alive. When self-hate is so deeply embedded into your mind, it's easy to go to a place where you consider that your life may not be worth it. Not insinuating that you or anyone else here could be like that, but it's where the years of self-hate landed me. Learning about self-compassion and that IT'S OKAY to be be nice to yourself, to treat yourself kindly, to be gentle with yourself has changed so much in my life and led me to a place of great stability and health. Consider purchasing or borrowing the book I linked above, it's my go-to resource for ACT and is accessible even if you never see a therapist. On that note, I'd recommend you see a therapist, especially one who is trained in ACT. I believe every single human, even without a mental health diagnosis, could benefit from therapy at any point in their life. As an ISTJ I find therapy to be a really excellent tool to helping me understand myself and gain better self-awareness.

Best of luck to you and I hope you're able to find peace and self-acceptance somewhere in your life. It truly is possible, speaking as someone who almost died to her deep self-hatred on several occasions, but who has come out on the other side victorious and practicing self-compassion daily.

u/MoundBuildingNephite · 11 pointsr/exmormon

The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.

Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.

Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:

  • Philosphize This! podcast. Start with episode 1 and just listen all the way through. It's great and he even mentions Mormonism a few times.

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.

  • The Happiness Trap by Harris.

  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)

  • The Alchemist by Coelho.

  • A New Earth by Tolle.

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.

  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.

    If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:

  • Start with this easy article for a nice overview. The rest of this blog can be helpful, too. For example, here's a great recent article.

  • This book. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.

  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. The Audible version of this is really good, too, if you have a daily commute, etc.


    Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!
u/Scampire · 8 pointsr/TheBluePill
  1. If you can, get ye to a therapist- look for someone who does CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)- they will give you the tools you need to disarm these thoughts. This isn't a judgmental thing, you are having intrusive thoughts and they are impacting your life.

  2. Get your hands on "The Happiness Trap"- it will help you deal with the intrusive thoughts "https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841"
u/Quantum0mega · 8 pointsr/Stoicism

Don't think about a pink elephant.

Forget about the fact that your heart is beating.

Don't become aware that your nose is actually in your field of vision.

I'm sure that you failed miserably at all these tasks. Our minds work a bit paradoxically when it comes to influencing our thoughts. Much of what we experience as thought is merely what we are holding in our conscious awareness. Because of this, trying to 'not' have certain feelings or thoughts usually makes us have them even more frequently. Then as we become more frustrated and anxious these thoughts become a perpetual cycle of negativity and distress.

So, what are some practical solutions to this conundrum?

Well, like most issues concerning the mind, you cannot always tackle the problem head on. If the mind is a house then the front and back door are heavily locked, better to climb in through a window.

The best modern school of thought that I have found to offer practical solutions to these sort of problems is CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. (Learning about this therapy actually led me to discovering Stoic philosophy I might add!). CBT, much like stoicism, suggests that much of our distress is the result of irrational thoughts and behaviors. It offers quite a few scientifically backed exercises and techniques for combating such troubling thoughts.

Here are a few quick CBT techniques that have helped me tremendously.

  1. Reframe the way you understand thoughts. Although many people feel as though they are controlling their thoughts. Often times, what we may perceive as us having a 'thought' is simply something grabbing hold of our conscious awareness. With practice, you can begin to differentiate between the thoughts that are in your control and those that are simply popping in your head because of your current environment/context.

  2. Learn to accept and detach from unwanted thoughts. Unwanted or 'Intrusive' thoughts will always be with you. Best to just accept that fact. As I'm sure you have experienced, struggling with trying to make such thoughts and emotions go away more often then not only makes them more intense and recur more frequently. When they do pop up, don't panic or try to make them go away. Instead, relabel them and allow them to be there. Just notice that you having thought 'x' and say to yourself, oh there's thought 'x'. With enough practice you will learn which thoughts are your most intrusive ones and it will become easier and easier to detach from them. By not reacting to these thoughts negatively and keeping yourself calm when they arise. You will begin to weaken the association between these thoughts and any negative emotions that may be coupled with them. Often such thoughts become coupled with negative emotions because we fight so desperately to try and make them go away. I believe that meditation is such a tremendous therapeutic tool because it is essentially the practice of learning to detach from your thoughts. So I would highly recommend giving meditation a shot to kick start learning to handle your thoughts better.

  3. Refocus your mind on thoughts and behaviours that are more rational. This will also become much easier once you learn to detach and label your intrusive thoughts better. You will begin to realize over time that just because a negative thought is present, does not mean that it represents reality. It only means that the thought is present in your mind, nothing more or less. By refocusing our attention after accepting intrusive thoughts, we shift our conscious awareness from these thoughts and lessen their chances of recurrence. While you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about the pink elephant, I bet you forgot about him by the time you were looking at your nose!

    Whew, hope that helps. If your interested in learning more about using CBT for everyday life I highly recommend picking up a copy of The Happiness Trap

    TLDR; Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is fucking awesome!
u/tryintomakesenseofit · 7 pointsr/exmormon

Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.

I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.

Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:

  • Start with this easy article for a nice overview. Then continue to read other articles on the How to be a Stoic blog. It's a great resource.

  • I'd recommend this book as well. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.

  • Finally, you should also read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I have an audio version from Audible that's excellent and I enjoyed listening to it much more than reading it, but there are free copies all over the place to download and read in Kindle if you just Google it.

    Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.

  • The Happiness Trap by Harris.

  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)

  • The Alchemist by Coelho.

  • A New Earth by Tolle.

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.

  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.

    All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!

u/admlshake · 7 pointsr/OkCupid

People should read this book. My therapist recommended it to me after we had a talk about how BS it is to try and be happy 100% of the time. Was a damn good read and turned my outlook around on some things.

u/limit2012 · 6 pointsr/Mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you gain some distance from these thoughts. Don't try to make the thoughts go away, that usually strengthens them. Instead learn to observe the thoughts passing thru your mind without completely buying them.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ACT is a great help in this. I recommend the book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

u/QuasiIdiot · 6 pointsr/Destiny

It's worth noting that there are some newer approaches that are, in my opinion, an improvement over CBT. Best examples would be ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy; book: The Happiness Trap) and schema therapy (book: Breaking Negative Thinking Patterns). There's also functional analytic psychotherapy ("FAP"), which makes for quite the meme.

u/lim2me · 6 pointsr/GetOutOfBed

Be prepared: long read ahead.

The exercises I do are based on the premise that thoughts affect emotions which in turn can affect our actions. This is the basis of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and a lot of other therapies that grew out of, or were developed after, CBT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy comes to mind). So if thoughts are the “root” it’s probably a good place to start.

Start writing down the thoughts you have, particularly the negative ones that trouble you. "I'm stupid", "I'm worthless", "No one cares about me" etc… Sometimes it helps to start with an event that troubles you and work backwards from there. An example:

  • What was the troubling event? (e.g. my boss yelled at me)
  • Why is that bad? (e.g. It probably means my work isn't good enough).
  • And what's bad about that? (e.g. It means I'm not good at my job).
  • And what does that say about you? (e.g. I'm worthless)

    Keep drilling down until you feel what I call a punch in the gut, an internal feeling or sensation that says "yep, this thought feels very real to me". 90% of the time the root thought is something about yourself and can be verbalized in the form of "I AM ___"

    Now start challenging each thought in turn. Is this really true? How do I know for sure? Is there some objective measure or have I used a subjective measure? Who said this is true and are they an expert? Is there any evidence that supports this thought? Am I over-looking other evidence that could lead to other conclusions? What other conclusions can I draw? Is this thought true everywhere and all the time?

    Look for cognitive distortions in your thoughts. Here’s a helpful PDF with some cognitive distortions.

    Here are some free worksheets that describe the process better (which they call ABCD Analysis):

  • Thinking and Feeling
  • Analysing your Thinking
  • Changing your Thinking

    Here’s a link to a comment I made a while back where I give more links to CBT material. If you're interested.

    If you’re happy with the results, you can stop here. However just to add on, I’ve been doing some Mindfulness Meditation & Exercises lately and have also been reading up on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). For those interested in a practical introduction to ACT for the layman check out The Happiness Trap

    Anyway, I have personally found it helpful to bring Mindfulness & Acceptance into the ABCD Analysis. When doing the ABCD Analysis there is a strong human tendency to make certain thoughts & emotions "bad" while holding other thoughts & emotions as "good". The problem with using such polar opposite labels is that the natural human tendency is to run away from the "bad" thoughts and chase after the "good" ones. And we do all sorts of things to run from the bad and chase the good: get angry or frustrated when we have a "bad" thought, repeat positive affirmations ad-infinitum, pump ourselves up with motivation, "plow through" with positive thinking etc...

    I'm not saying any of this is wrong or ineffective, I'm just speaking from my personal experience: running from the "bad" and chasing the "good" is tiring!

    With Mindfulness & Acceptance, I'm seeing that my thoughts have no inherent power or meaning. A thought like "I am a failure" is a bunch of letters on the screen. Or a disembodied voice in my head. Or an image in my imagination. It is the same with any and all thoughts. They have no inherent meaning or power other than what I give them. This also means that I cannot label some as "bad" and others as "good"; only if thoughts had meaning can I do that.

    (On a sidenote, The Happiness Trap has some very good exercises to help separate the thought from the meaning we’ve given the thought)

    When I'm running from "bad" thoughts and chasing "good" thoughts, I'm doing so because of the inherent meaning I've given them: "bad" thoughts are "bad" while "good" thoughts are "good". Can you see that the meaning I myself gave these thoughts is what's really running my life? (no pun intended)

    If all thoughts are empty of power and empty of meaning, they are in a sense "equal". And there is a temptation to say "since they're all equal, it doesn't matter what thoughts I have so I'm going to choose the ones I like". In my opinion, this is still giving meaning to the thoughts because I will likely choose the thoughts I've labeled "good".

    So now what? Here is where I pull out my list of life projects that are meaningful to me. If you’ve never spent time thinking about what would make your life worth living I encourage you to start. And write stuff down. Call it your Life Project list, Dream List, Bucket List.... whatever. This is your personal list of goals, milestones, achievements and projects that will leave you fulfilled.

    Pick one of your projects, any one of them. Then ask "who do I need to be in order to progress towards this goal by the end of the day?" Then take action and write reminders for yourself if you need it.

    As an example, I did the ABCD Analysis this morning and here are the major thoughts:

  • I am an embarrassment

  • I am disgusting

  • I am hated

  • I am prey

    The ABCD analysis alone would've been sufficient but applying Mindfulness & Acceptance I chose that I wanted to experience Joy by the end of the day. A life without joy doesn’t sound like much fun to me :)

    I build websites for a living and work from home. So I wrote the following on a Post-It and stuck it to my screen where I'm likely to see it:

    "What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in ____?"

    The blank is for whatever activity I was doing when I saw the Post-It. So it could read:

  • What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in building this website?

  • What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in writing this documentation?

  • What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in typing this Reddit post?

    So does all this help? Well, I’m pretty happy this evening. Is this all just a self-fulfilling prophecy or priming? Maybe, I don't really know. But living my life fulfilled is important to me that as long as I'm doing it in accordance with my value, and I'm not hurting anyone in the process, then I think it's a pretty sweet deal.
u/mamamusprime · 5 pointsr/Fibromyalgia

I mean no we cannot think away our pain obviously. There is research that supports Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for fibro. This is a good article describing it:


I’ve recently been learning about ACT and I just ordered this book that a colleague recommended. I’m excited to see if it has something to offer for my fibro and in general:

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590305841/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_tJJUDbHABKN4S

u/bottledgreentea · 5 pointsr/AskWomen

Professional help is a game changer. Please, if you can, get professional help. If you can't because you can't afford it, I would recommend books.



These two books helped me very much. But I also read them while doing talk therapy.

u/TryNotToTry · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

If you are prone to rumination self-administering therapy can make you feel even worse. It's possible to get caught in a feedback loop where you wonder if you are doing the therapy correctly, which only makes your problems worse. I know this because I did it myself. It wasn't until I started meditating on a routine basis that I was able to calm my mind down enough to apply what I was reading. Meditation will strengthen your ability to let go of things, build your focus, and lessen your propensity to react emotionally. If someone is going about this alone and the key goal is to ease suffering, then look into mindfulness and ACT. These are designed with that purpose in mind.


Presented by a Harvard Medical School Professor


An Introductory book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy


IOS/Android app that will easily guide you through everything, it's a wonderful application

We often choose the complex explanation over the simple one, to our detriment. Everything I linked can be consumed quickly and used readily.

u/Daybis · 4 pointsr/AskMen

If you have the capability, I'd almost look for a new therapist. It sounds like you are going to therapy, but your therapist isn't really providing any assistance that is working for you.

I also recommend a book called the Happiness Trap. This book was helped tackle some of my stress, anxiety, and depression.

u/blubow · 4 pointsr/depression_help

Hey! I feel ya!!!! The good news is that you can beat your depression!!!

My partner had depression for many many years!! He was on meds for a long time, he went to counseling (I even went with him to know better how to help him and to learn to not let his depression get to me - because it certainly does!)

So here is what worked:

  1. Regular exercise. It doesn’t need to be every day. Start with a commitment of going to the gym once a week. And stick with that! Don’t expect miracles and give up after 1 month because you are not feeling happier.
    Also, in order to be effective, the exercise needs to elevate your heart beat for 30 minutes or so (therapist recommendation). We enrolled in a cardio class, so we stay more motivated than walking in the boring treadmill.

  2. Meditation/mindful classes. Game changer! It really helps and there are tons os studies proving that it can be as effective as meds!! This was another of the therapist’s recommendation.
    Can’t find one in your community? There is tons online!

  3. Healthy diet. Tons of veggies and fruits. No soda! Cut the crappy sugar! ;-)

  4. Take a vitamin D supplement. Go on short walks 2 or 3 times a week. Keep active!

  5. Books:
u/LemonSniz · 4 pointsr/TalkTherapy

The goal of therapy is to process how you're feeling in a productive way. You don't need an external goal outside of that. It's tough to find a therapist who's a good fit for you, regardless of what you're going through, but it's so worth it.

I've had really good luck with Acceptance and Commitment therapy, and I think you might as well. While you're sorting out therapy stuff, you might check out [The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris] (the happiness trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590305841/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_NiVWDbC8K29Y4). He gives a layman's introduction to ACT, and it's what started me on that particular part of my journey back in 2017.

Edit: not sure what's going on with the format

u/jeronz · 4 pointsr/auckland

Any standard GP should be able to help her try a different anti-depressant. Her fatigue may be a sign of atypical depression which could help guide medication choice.

Some evidence-based non medication based interventions include that are easy to acccess:

Cognitive behavioural therapy

  • Beating the Blues Online free counselling programme, requires GP to give you access. NZ based.
  • Sparx NZ designed 3D role playing game that counsels you.
  • MoodGym Free Aussy online counselling programme. There is also E couch and MoodJuice
  • For a book I recommend The happiness trap. Not CBT but a related one called Acceptance Commitment Therapy which is also effective.
  • For face to face, this will depend on her and what kind of person she wants to open up to. If you don't have a good connection with the counselor it's a waste of time. Therefore it's difficult to make a blanket recommendation.
  • If she works at a large company they may have "EAP" (employee assistance programme) where you can normally get free counselling.


  • Calm website Free Auckland uni based
  • Headspace Not free but pretty good. There is also a free trial.
  • For face to face, there are plenty of courses around.
  • For a book I recommend mindfulness in plain English


  • Shown to be effective. No links other than proof http://www.cochrane.org/CD004366/DEPRESSN_exercise-for-depression

    And remember, in a crisis call 0800 800 717 for 24/7 urgent mental health help.

    Source: am a doctor.
u/atlas_football · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

Perhaps a self guided cognitive behavioral therapy book would be good in this situation? Is been shown that working with cognitive behavioral therapy even on your own is really beneficial. I myself have done it with this book https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590305841/ and I would recommend it though there are others that may be just as good.

There's no point in stressing over stress and feeding that negative loop. Stressed women give birth to health babies all the time. Good luck!

u/Monster_Popcorn · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

While I haven't any "Stoic" advice to offer you yet, as I'm a beginner, I am a veteran when it comes to dealing with OCD and anxiety. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say, the following book saved my life. Please, get yourself a copy if you can't get professional help. It instructs you in the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as well as mindfulness, to help you manage anxiety. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501734358&sr=8-1&keywords=the+happiness+trap

u/randoogle_ · 3 pointsr/gainit

INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.

The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.

You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.

Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.

  • The Power of Now --A book about the true nature of self and reality. Heavy Eastern influence. This book has influenced me the most out of the list, and maybe even altered the course of my life.

  • Radical Acceptance --A Buddhist book about loving yourself fully and completely. You are worth it!

  • 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos --A book by a brilliant man about how to live in a world defined by pain and suffering. Heavy Jungian influence. Quotes and references the Bible a lot, but from a Jungian/Campbellian perspective. Occasionally questionable politics.

  • Iron John --A sort of esoteric book filled with poetry and fairy tales about how to be a man. Heavy Jung/Campbell influence.

  • The Enchiridion by Epictetus --This is one of the best introductions to Stoicism, and it's free. Written circa 125 CE.

  • Feeling Good --CBT book clinically shown to be as effective as antidepressants. Your post is filled with things this book addresses directly. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

  • The Happiness Trap --A book about ACT, which is similar to CBT with more mindfulness. Basically CBT tries to get rid of/replace the distorted images of yourself and the world, and ACT tries instead to see them for what they really are, which are meaningless ramblings of an organ using evolved mechanisms to protect its host, and as such are safely ignored.

    Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
u/tanenbaum · 3 pointsr/socialskills

I can relate to this topic so badly. I can't tell what works for everybody, but I can share what worked for me and what I wished I did way earlier in my life.

Many of these answers suggest that you just go out to public places. I disagree. It may be a cultural thing, as I live in a very introverted culture, but in my experience, this does very little if your mindset is not right. I believe in the mindfulness approach to conquering your thoughts, which in very few words is by not fighting bad thoughts, but accepting them, knowing that you are not your thoughts. Some great books on this subject is Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life and The Happiness Trap. If you like these books, find a psychologist who works with ACT. It gave me so much to see one myself and get his perspective on things.

Now I am going to make some assumptions. If these are wrong, I am sorry, but I hope that you can at least get something out of it.

I would guess that you feel that people wont be able to relate to you or won't find you interesting. Maybe you also suffer from perfectionism and judge yourself really hard. These were the things holding me back. And still are sometimes. Whatever it is, you're probably not sharing yourself with others. People don't know what you're about and that makes it hard to talk to and relate to you.

There's always an uncertainty whenever you open your mouth and express something that isn't neutral. Everything is open to judgement. You have to be completely okay with that. You're probably not right now. Do people like each other and socialize because they are in complete agreement and they think of each other as perfect? No. On the contrary, you become interesting when you have your unique features, good and bad. Unless your bad traits are really dominant, but for most persons they're not. First and foremost, you have to have positive expectations that people will want to hear what you have to say and act like believe it. If you try to stay neutral until you're sure that people like what you have to say, you're going to come of as weird.

I could write a lot more, but I don't want to go of a rant if this is completely unrelatable to you. Please tell me if this is helpful :)

u/WaldosGPS · 3 pointsr/Showerthoughts

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (link to amazon) is a great resource for helping to deal with some of this anxiety.

Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) has been a really helpful tool for me and a few of my coworkers who have all struggled with this modern problem.

u/granitehoncho · 3 pointsr/aftergifted

I recently read The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. You may benefit from it.

u/LeakyBrainJuice · 3 pointsr/konmari

The book 'The Happiness Trap' helped me. It was recommended by a psychologist. There is a illustrated version, too. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

u/permanent_staff · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

No, it's this book. But Happiness Track looks interesting, too.

u/reallyserious · 3 pointsr/simpleliving

There's growing evidence that treating depression is best done with a multi modal approach. I.e. don't count on one silver bullet but try a multitude of things.

  • Get some exercise. Lift, run, tennis, walk, yoga, whatever you can do consistently and not feel like shit while/after doing it.

  • Try meditation if you feel like it.

  • Talk to a doctor. They take depression seriously. The unfortunate thing is that they see people in your situation every day. The good thing is that all those that have walked that path before you have contributed to a better understanding of how to treat depression.

  • Read The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

    There's nothing static in this world. Things WILL change. Your mind too.

    Regarding feeding the capitalist machinery, perhaps take some time and feel what is important to you. Then perhaps change job to something that is more aligned with your values. If your job drains you of energy it's time to look for other options.
u/ithinkchaos · 3 pointsr/getting_over_it

I don't know, I feel like you are making mountains out of mole hills...achieving success (and happiness) can actually scare people because it means there is more to lose! And this often leads people to making self-destructive decisions that undermine and often ruin the success that was at your finger tips (and yes, I am speaking from personal experience - but that's another story!).

I would highly suggest possibly talking to a therapist if that's an option (I'm a fan of everyone at least "checking in" with a professional from time to time). If not, I would suggest starting a gratitude journal.

Also, I would definitely recommend reading either of these two books (by the same author): The Happiness Trap (applying mindfulness to everyday thoughts and feelings). And ACT with Love (applying mindfulness to our relationships). The second book is based on the first one, it is just applying it to relationships. If you only get one, get that one.

Anyways, I hope you figure it all out, OP! Best of luck to you and whatever may come your way!



u/gasolinerainbow · 3 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

No problem!! CBT is great, but I have found that ACT can compliment it nicely and fill in some of the holes it has (eg. "What happens when I challenge a negative automatic thought, but it turns out that there is evidence for it?" was one I had issues with).

If you want a good starter book on ACT, which maybe you and/or your therapist could look at, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris is a great overview. :)

u/subtextual · 2 pointsr/askscience

I'm a serious introvert myself, so this is a topic of some considerable interest to me. :)

Introversion is not necessarily associated with anxiety, in that the traits are not that highly correlated and lots of introverts are not anxious. However, many people who are both introverted and anxious find that the two are intertwined. When that is the case, then getting better at coping with the anxiety can help you be more flexible in being introverted. There are a million self-help anxiety books, and most of them are pretty good because they are based on cognitive-behavioral principles. Personally, however, I am more intrigued by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ideas, as described in books like Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, The Happiness Trap, and The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety.

While we're on the topic of reading, if you haven't found it already, I'd suggest The Introvert Advantage -- a great book focusing on accepting, accommodating, and even feeling pretty good about your introversion.

Introversion appears to be very genetically-based and resistant to change, so accepting being an introvert will be an important first step. Introversion is not, in and of itself, healthy or unhealthy, although when you are surrounded by extroverts and a culture that values extroversion, it sure can feel like being introverted is unhealthy. IMHO, traits are only a problem when people are inflexible about applying them... that is, when they can only behave one way regardless of the situation. When people are interested in changing who they are, I often suggest, instead, trying to change how flexible they are about how they display the trait they are interested in changing.

To do that, you could think about the situations in which you are less introverted, and trying to figure out what it is about those situations that allow you to be less introverted. For me, I do better in situations that are structured, familiar, and relevant to my interests -- in those types of situations, you literally cannot shut me up. So, I can be more extroverted when I'm with a small group of good friends, or when I'm meeting a new therapy client for the first time (which is structured because I know exactly what I'm going to say), or when I'm commenting on reddit, or even when I'm teaching a large class or giving a talk to a huge audience. In contrast, in a small group of people I do not know well, when meeting a new person socially for the first time, or when doing something spontaneous that would cause a lot of people to pay attention to me (e.g., something terrible like karaoke), I am not able to be extroverted. But, if I wanted to be more extroverted, I could work to make those types of situations more structured, more familiar, or more relevant to my interests. Does that make sense?

Oh, and one more thing -- please join the Neuropsychology Book Club I am trying to start... I'm hoping it will be really interesting, especially for us voracious readers!!

u/frodotroublebaggins · 2 pointsr/booksuggestions

My coworker's wife is a psychologist and she's been recommending Exercise for mood and anxiety : proven strategies for overcoming depression and enhancing well-being by Michael Otto and Jasper A. J. Smits, Mind over mood : change how you feel by changing the way you think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, and The happiness trap : how to stop struggling and start living by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes

Personally, my go-to comfort books are Harry Potter and any of the Tortall series' by Tamora Pierce (though if you haven't read them before, I recommend starting with Alanna)

u/mheim · 2 pointsr/seduction

To be honest: I'm not a great fan of weed. It amplifies psychological problems like anxiety or depression. I had my fair share of them and one important step to recovery was to quit (If you are interested r/leaves).
If it hinders the process? I don't know to be honest and frankly there could be no answer on this question, because it could depend on the person.

What you could do about your thoughts is pausing Transformation Mastery for a while and reading this book: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy .
This book will help you get rid of these thoughts and will give you a jump start.
Another one, which is not nearly as important as this amazing book is: You Are Not Your Brain.
And if you're really really ambitious this one The Happiness Trap too.

If you can't afford these books pm me.

u/_aspiringnomad · 2 pointsr/soylent

As someone who has suffered considerably from BED and who also is a big fan of Soylent, I'll try to answer your questions using my own experience.

First, let me tell you (and you probably know this) that restriction of any kind will make you want to binge eat. This is the biggest reason why dieting is counterproductive to eating disorder recovery. You've noticed this already yourself. I think consuming a mostly soylent diet will make you crave solid foods all the more.

I disagree with what other people are saying here when it comes to "getting hooked" on sweets and junk food once you get a taste. This phenomenon will only occur if these foods are 'bad' to you, and you're making a conscious effort to restrict them from your diet. Personally, I've made the most progress in my recovery once I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. Even after being on a variety of restriction diets (no sugar, low carb, vegan, carnivore) to eliminate trigger foods, the best thing I ever did was allow myself to eat whatever I wanted. For me, Soylent is more something that I have when I'm in a rush or for some reason can't eat a normal meal; I don't think of it as any 'better' or 'worse' than a normal meal.

If you're a fan of reading, the following books helped me arrive at these conclusions, and they've been some of the single-most helpful resources I've come across:

  • Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann (easy, fun read, explains why dieting of any kind is counterproductive, lots of citations, links to further resources)
  • Intuitive Eating 3rd Edition by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (a little dated, but a very important book, many ED recovery programs are based on its principles)
  • The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (gimmicky title, yes, but incredibly helpful concepts, and not just for EDs; based on the principles of ACT, which is being used increasingly more for ED treatment)

    Also, if money is an issue for you, PM me and I'll send you electronic copies. Of course, none of this is replacement for seeing a therapist, as everyone else here will tell you, but these books will at least hopefully get you on the right track.
u/animatis · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Ah ok, well that makes sense I suppose. A comfort list.

Anyways, you seem to be a professional positive thinker dude.

Have you seen/read http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living/dp/1590305841

I think its a very useful tool to use and it expands on the comments you make. The basic premise being to abandon all expectations for controlling happiness. Reccomend to check it out if you have not already.

u/Dan_the_coach · 2 pointsr/NMMNG

The happiness trap by Dr Russ Harris, for letting go of trying to feel positive all the time - https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

The 5oth Law by Robert Greene, for acquiring a bit decisiveness, ruthlessness and a thicker skin - https://www.amazon.com/50th-Law-Robert-Greene-Collection-ebook/dp/B002RI9ZQI/

And even some shameless self-promo - Nothing to Lose by me https://www.amazon.com/Nothing-Lose-Hesitation-Procrastination-Confidence-ebook/dp/B01MRMJJPU/

u/My_Feet_Itch · 2 pointsr/SaltLakeCity

As a diagnosed OCD sufferer who has learned over five years to "tune it out," let me provide you with some resources to help while you're locating a therapist. I'd recommend mine, but he's in Orem.

This book brought me a great deal of relief, and I review it off and on when I need a refresher in managing my OCD. It covers most of the major themes people experience: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2FJ9LNLQMV2IT&keywords=ocd+mindfulness+workbook&qid=1564633924&s=gateway&sprefix=OCD+mindfulne%2Caps%2C190&sr=8-3


For general depression, I recommend this. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that it saved my life: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=the+happiness+trap&qid=1564633982&s=gateway&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyWEVXMFNMWVFMWVZFJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNzg4OTU0MTdNRFBBNTBaUzNNOCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNzE2MDU5M0c1ODdLTkxONUZaMyZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=


I have a few copies of each of these books, and if money is tight, I would be more than happy to give them to you, just shoot me a PM.


Hang in there! Easier said than done, I know, but in time, you'll learn to observe your thoughts and ride that wave!

u/lauvan26 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Well, I'm currently struggling with GAD right now but a few years ago I was able to manage my anxiety and end my depressive episode with therapy, daily exercise, 9 hours of sleep a night, healthy diet and meditation. I noticed that major life changes are usual triggers for worsening my GAD (change=fear=anxiety). Also, if I don't get enough sleep my anxiety gets worse (and depression slowly creeps in) and I actually become physically ill. Two weeks ago I was in the hospital for dehydration because of gastrointestinal issues. I'm pretty sure that it was cause from getting only 3-6 hours of sleep a night for months/anxiety.

Therapy and meditation helped me a lot with dealing with past mistakes. It was great to have someone listening to me talk about my issues (prior to that I didn't have anyone who understood), it helped me to develop more insight about myself, it helped me notice negative thought patterns I had and how I made myself into "victim".

I realized that I am human and therefore I will make mistakes and it's okay. Whatever happened has already happened and there's nothing I can do to change it so it doesn't make any sense to ruminate on it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was great to help me notice and change my negative thoughts.

Here a link about what is CBT: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx

And here is a link for CBT worksheets. If you don't have access to a therapist or a therapist trained in CBT you can still get the benefits of CBT by doing CBT worksheet to help you realized how distorted your thoughts are: http://psychology.tools/anxiety.html

My old therapist also had me read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"

After I did CBT, my other therapist introduced me to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helped me realize that thoughts are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts don't necessarily reflect reality. Even the good ones can be harmful if we are too attached to them. The best thing to is to not fuse with thoughts and feelings. Notice your thoughts but don't get attached to them (don't suppress them either). Notice your anxiety and notice where it manifest in your body (fast heart rate, headache, nausea, etc.). Give the physical sensations/emotions space but don't allow it to consume you. Always go back to awareness (this is where meditation is very useful). Procrastination/avoiding things that make you anxious will only cause more suffering and pain in the long run. You'll stay stuck.

The ACT method will not always make you feel better. That's not the point. It's about getting through the pain in order to have a more meaningful instead instead of hiding in bed. In addition, ACT puts a lot of emphasis on living life through your "values". If you live life through your values and commit to action, it doesn't matter what the outcome is because at least you are trying. You wont' feel like too much of a failure because you're working on life skills. You'll win no matter what.

Here is a pdf about more information about ACT: http://www.people.ku.edu/~tkrieshok/epsy888/act_cliff_notes.pdf

Russ Harris's book "The Happiness Trap" goes into more detail: http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

The ironic thing about my GAD is that I have a lot of knowledge and I know what I need to do to get better, but I keep falling into my mind's traps. I don't talk to myself abusively like I used to (i.e. telling myself "I'm an idiot", "I'm ugly", etc.) and I'm not worried so much about things I have no control over (i.e. losing sleep over worrying about all the starving children in world, worrying about the state of the economy, etc.) But I still get caught with old thoughts, stories and feelings . They don't manifest like they used to. It's more hidden, more implicit. For example, I wake up in morning and I don't want to work. In the past, the thoughts that would filled my mind would be "I'm horrible at my job", "I'm going to get fired anyway" "Everyone is better than me" "I'm worthless". My heart would race and I would have a panic attack. Now, instead of thoughts I just have a feeling of mild dread/uncomfortable feelings, my stomach will start to hurt. I get a headache and my heart starts to race. Then I'll rationalize that I need to stay home because I don't feel well. Then I tell myself that tomorrow I will do everything I need to do. But I never do....thus begins the vicious cycle that is anxiety.

Anxiety is brilliant at disguising itself once you get past a certain point psychologically. It's incredibly deceptive and amazing at the same time. If we can just see anxiety for what is: a maladaptation of the fight-or-flight mode in situations that are not necessarily dangerous, we'll be okay.

Sorry for the long post.

u/bijaji · 2 pointsr/fringefashion

I have found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy incredibly helpful (for many things, but especially this). Most health insurance covers counseling, which is appropriate for anyone who feels their life isn't working for them and wants to make changes. If you'd prefer the self-help route, here are some books: basic intro, anxiety-specific, and self-confidence specific.

u/pm_me_your_kindwords · 2 pointsr/self

I've just started reading "The Happiness Trap", and it addresses just what you're talking about. Amazon link. They suggest (based on research) that it is how you (we) look at life and react to it.

u/Tin-Star · 1 pointr/science

There's a great book by David D Burns called Feeling Good. Check it out. You can do your own CBT, but I think having a coach (AKA therapist) is worthwhile too, especially when you're getting started.

Another one I can recommend, using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

Whereas CBT is about monitoring your thinking and weeding out unhelpful thought habits, ACT argues that this can be pretty damn mentally exhausting, and that another approach is to notice those thoughts, and just let them pass through your head without feeling the need to accept them OR weed them out. It's still about being aware of what you're thinking and the resulting emotional responses, but more "give zero fucks" approach, which might work better if you're already at the bottom of a mental hole.

u/becoming_dr_slump · 1 pointr/90daysgoal

Hello 90-dayers!

I think this is a great initiative. I was previously at /r/BTFC, which I found extremely useful to get focused on goals. As there will be many changes for me in the next months (taking a leave of absence), good to have a place, community to track my progress and focus on my goals. This is my first 90 day challenge, so I'm somewhat lost on procedure, I'll wing it!

++++ Stats ++++

  • M/35/183cm
  • Current Weight: 88kg
  • Highest Weight (2012): 93kg
  • Lowest (recent) Weight: Either current, or need to go back in time to when I was 17, as I've been putting fat on progressively (thus my username of becoming_dr_slump).
  • Current Body Fat: 25%
  • Diet: Mediterranean, with too many sugary snacks.
  • Exercise: YAYOG (Currently 1st class, week 4) + occasional biking + some running + occasional Kettlebell

    ++++ GOALS FOR FITNESS & DIET ++++

    Diet: Clean eating. Quit sugary snacks. I eat more or less cleanly, except for chocolates on sugars. By October 22, I am extremely proud that I've eaten sugar free on 80 of the 90 days.

    Fitness - Sprint 1: July 15 - August 13: I am feeling strong as I'm on Week 7 of Yayog 1st class. Also, I feel the burn from doing Enter The Kettlebell 3 days a week.

    Fitness - Sprint 2: August 19 - September 17: I am walking tall and confident as I've finished 1st class. To celebrate, I ran my own sprint triathlon on rest week.

    Fitness - Sprint 3: September 23 - October 22: I am strong and generous as I'm in the next 10-week program, week5. I can complete a Turkish Get Up with my 16kg Kettlebell. And do a pistol on either leg without it.

    I have no goals on dropping weight, as long as it remains around current level or lower. But I'll be tremendously pleased if body fat goes down to 20%.


    In the last six months, I've become aware of a lot of crap heritage I carry on my shoulders from growing in a narcissistic family. I need to do a lot of cleanup as I choose to (1) have a good life, (2) stop the cycle of narcissism so I don't become narcissistic myself and (3) build an alternative mindset for me and my family. The narcissistic circle finishes with me.

  • By Oct 22nd, every single week, I've taken time to review my goals, the blueprint for the life I want to build, plan action and adjusted my plan. And taken time to care for my mindset and goals.

  • In sprint 1, I feel liberated and full of energy, as I complete all the exercises on The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT: Russ Harris, Steven Hayes:

  • In sprint 2, I'm a generous and happier recovering nice guy, as I've completed all l the exercises on No More Mr Nice Guy: Robert A. Glover. Plus another difficult book.

  • In sprint 3, I've read 4 more difficult books and done exercises. Books to be determined based on needs I determine in the next month.

    ++++ GOALS FOR PROVIDER ++++

    By Oct 22nd, I'm confident on my future as I've built a local network of work contacts of 50 people, and identified 10 new positions I'm going to apply to for my next position.

    ++++ OTHER ++++

    I need to clean up a lot of my psychological heritage, as it's negatively affecting my relationships and life in general.

    I start a leave of absence this summer, to recharge batteries and reconsider next career moves.

    I will travel to my country for one month with my kids (source of fun and stress), which will allow me to better understand where I come from and how is my family working.

    ++++ Let's Be Friends ++++

    I'm on Fitocracy. I invite you to friend/follow me/message me!

    Also, if anyone else on Europe time, support PMs & checks are an option. PM to discuss (never done this one before, seems like a good idea).

    Good luck, everyone! We can do this!
u/Blaat1985 · 1 pointr/howtonotgiveafuck

But chasing it and expecting is to be a constant state of being is making you unhappy, because it's a fleeting emotion. Only way to be in a constant state of bliss/happiness is through drug use.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841 recommend read

u/ClaytonRayG · 1 pointr/fatlogic

I took for granted Burn's writing style. I've been reading The Happiness Trap recently... I would recommend the book as the material is very helpful. However, that recommendation comes with the caveat that the writer's style isn't for everyone. It comes off as patronizing for the first 2 chapters at least. After that it does get better.

u/rossr89 · 1 pointr/samharris

If you’re up for it, take a look at The Happiness Trap. The majority of the book talks about the phenomenon you are describing. It basically says that we all experience happiness in the present moment, and over time we try to capture it and hold on to it and never let it go. And that is the “trap.”


I’ve found most of this book helpful. Maybe you will too. 😊

Good luck!

u/blackoutttq · 1 pointr/casualiama

16.) Alternative Medicine (speak to a dr!!

There are a few alternative medicine options out there for depression and are currently being studied as cures for depression.

I am not a doctor and I cannot give medical advice. Please speak to a doctor or professional before considering any of these options

A lot of these can’t be mixed with medication because it can cause serious harm and make things worse. You can get serotonin depletion and all that. I am not trying to scare you all but I want people to be safe. Please talk to doctors and and research

St Johns Wart

st johns wart is natural and there is a lot of conflicting info online about a proper dosage. A word of caution talk to a medical professional about the dosage. I found a dosage after extensive research online that I thought would be good. and after speaking to a dr it was way too much. The issue that came about was the dose I was taking gave me heart palpitations. Pretty much your heart skips a beat or something. What it feels like? mini heart attacks when I was sleeping. Scared the sht out of me. So talk to a doctor. Also get a good quality brand.

I did take this for a bit and did see a good increase in mood but I did stop. It does increase anxiety a bit too which was too much for me. and you can’t mix with alcohol and I believe you can’t mix with caffeine.


From what I read it can also help and people usually move on to this after trying st johns wart and not getting a result. I didn’t move on to this, and forget most of the research. But do your own research and talk to a doctor.

Magic Mushrooms

psilocybin mushrooms is being studied a bit for treatment of depression and may be an option. for you. it was a conflict whether or not to include it or not because it is illegal and looked down upon by most. but it did help me greatly. actually pretty much cured my depression even though i still have anxiety. so leaving this out would be just as bad in my eyes. again I can’t recommend and will not give advice. but do your research.
erowid ( not a typo) is a good place to get some research but don’t believe everything you read, and approach with caution. there is a great amt. of people on there who try and push the limits which is not good. just cus someone else did it doesn’t mean you should.

not all shrooms are the same and each dose will be different from the last. some strains are much stronger than others. and just cus 1gram is good does mean 2grams is twice as strong. it doesn’t work like that and gets strong and intense quick. And if abused can be dangerous. I have had friends take too much and go to a psych ward. There is no rush take your time and go slow. To avoid getting hurt. Theres a great deal of info online and people you can talk to with advice. do tons of research. start small. its not a game and each trip is a learning experience, even bad ones. Ive had bad ones. Just please be safe!

16.) additional resources

Theres are tons of resources out there forums hotlines and the such doctors that kind help. Do your own research and sees what helps you. The point of this lengthy post is so that you don’t have to do all the searching and sifting through the noise like I did. So that maybe you can spend less time searching for a solution and focus on working on overcoming this battle. Now I do want to note that what works for me may not work for everyone. That everyones situation in itself is different and unique. That medications may work for some and not others. I don’t dismiss and look down upon on anything that may help someone overcome depression.

If you do choose meds or alternative meds start small and work your way up to to the dose. don’t just dive into the deep end. and when you start to feel better slowly work you way down decreasing the dose and not just go cold turkey.

Suicide Hotline —> 1-800-273-8255
offers confidential help for free

School counselors

Also I would like to list a book that has helped put things into perspective greatly and I think many people suffering any time of depression and anxiety can benefit from.


I do recommend reading through it slowly and work through the exercises as you go. I rushed through it and didn’t get to get the most out of it so I’m reading it again (:

Disclaimer** i do not receive any compensation for the book or referring the book

Do I still feel depressed at times?

Yes. It is now more infrequent and less intense than before but it does still happen. To describe it... its just one of the days where you wake up and are just like "ugh" about everything. Idk if that makes sense. But what has happened is that the depression has been replaced with more anxiety. Like yesterday I just woke up and had bad anxiety all day. Idk why either. Nothing bad or stressful is occurring in my life at this time and I just have to realize it happens and Ill fully heal over time.

Why didn't you ever try prescription meds?

I never went to speak with a dr, because I was afraid they'd just shove pills down my throat. ( I want to clarify that theres nothing wrong with medication, it does to wonders for some people but thats not the route I wanted to go). And that it is covering the problem rather than fixing it. At a young age, 12 i think, I remember have a school lunch monitor who was always super nice and friendly but at times she was very airy for a lack of a better word. One day I spoke with my mom and she basically told me she was on medication. I believe antidepressants if Im not mistaken. A lot of kids and adults talked about her at the school. So I never wanted to be that guy. There is also the bad things Ive heard that stuck out in my mind that you have a couple people snapping off of antidepressants in the pas tthat scared me, and then I had a cousin who I was not so close with going through through depression, which I found out at a funeral. But what turned me off was that he carried around all these pills and he was taking so much of them and thats literally all he can talk about was his pills.

Which is not a big deal. I understand now that he didn't have a very supportive immediate family, he wasn't working, didn't have any hobbies, and all he really knew was the pills so that was his way of talking. In a different light I think its similar to the guy who always works and when you meet up with him to catch up, work is all he talks about, because thats all he's around all the time. Finally, theres the whole business aspect of me where I know big pharma are ultimately companies and need to make money and don't care about the lil guy scenario.

u/Little_adawg · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

I’m assuming you have obsessive thoughts that go with the compulsions? If so I suggest checking out [The Happiness Trap] (https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841) by Russ Harris. The book itself is only an okay read, but the Strategies for distancing yourself from your thoughts work fast and they work well.

u/boner_fide · 1 pointr/MMA

I think this book might help in addition to your training: http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

u/duncanawoods · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Hey emyouth,

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must have been so very hard on you.

> How do I start seizing opportunities so I don't look back on my life with bitterness and regret?

So one path that I think could really work for you is called ACT. The principle is that a lot of the problems we experience come from fighting against ever feeling painful thoughts and memories causing behavioural avoidance. Things like withdrawing, staying in bed, eating etc. can be tactics to avoid pain.

The solution is counter-intuitive - its to become willing to feel pain so you no longer need avoidance and can start living a full life again. This book is full of exercises, its hard work but mind-blowing:


This one is a bit easier going:


> I've gained about 40-50 pounds

I've been there, and this might sound odd to say, but it presents a great opportunity. It might not seem like something in your control, but it is. Lifestyle changes are great things to play with and simply any form of change can start making things look brighter.

So I know diet evangelism is pretty annoying... so apologies... but I suggest taking a look at r/keto. Look at how many amazing success stories there and how supportive the community is. One theme you will see is how easy people are finding it. You might find another way of eating that attracts you more.

Eating keto can be a hard step to take, but after a couple of days you adapt and it feels like its cheating because its so easy - you become free of junk cravings so it doesn't need willpower once over the initial hump. One reason I suggest keto is that when you start, you get a big drop in water weight. This doesn't mean much from a fat-loss perspective but it is HUGE to the spirit. You get a massive scale shift and look visually different almost immediately which really helps kick-start that positive spiral.

As you continue to see the scale go down and start to see visual changes, you begin fuelling a positive spiral that will grow your self-worth. What is fantastic is that its so measurable. Even if you can't see visual changes immediately you can see the scale go down. You can start going to bed a winner and waking up with the promise of some good news on the scale.

You probably know that exercise has a dramatic effect on well-being and will also fuel that positive spiral. But its also hard to start so suggesting can be unhelpful. The good news is that I often see that once people have started feeling the energy improvement from dropping a few pounds, exercise starts getting attractive again, and once you add that BOOM, you are now stoking a fire that helps you live the life you want.

Best of luck!

u/JosephsMythJr · 1 pointr/exmormon

I've been thinking of getting this book, maybe you could beat me to it. I also don't have hardly any friends though... it's hard. I do live in Utah, but not for too long hopefully.

u/remembertosmilebot · 1 pointr/NoFap

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u/NoMoBlues · 1 pointr/NoFap

I found Jordan Peterson's future authoring program helpful. It's nothing too complicated. It just helps you make a vision for what you want your future to be like and set about 8 specific goals for the next few years. It's $15 to use online which I think is a little more than its worth, but overall I think it's worth it. It will probably take about a few weeks to complete, but I think it's time well spent.


Jordan Peterson is a psychologist that posts a lot of lectures and interviews on youtube. A lot of No Fappers find his perspective helpful. Here's his channels if you're interested.



Learning Acceptance and Commitment Therapy was helpful for me too. There are lots of therapists that use this method, but the book I read was, "The Happiness Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris.


It's a pretty simplified approach, that teaches you the thinking patterns and habits that allow you to live more in the present and future oriented towards action in the direction of your values, rather than stuck in habits of escapism and avoidance whenever you feel uncomfortable from things like boredom and loneliness.

I also think is very helpful to set habits that put your daily life into a healthy rhythm and balance. Simple things like waking up early and going on a walk in the sunrise can make a big difference. Circadian rhythm plays a huge role in balancing hormone and neurotransmitters, so the more time you can spend outside in the brightness of the day the better especially in the morning.

Making sure you have regular positive social activity is extremely important for satisfying the brain's need for oxytocin. If you don't get it through healthy social experiences, the brain can sometimes come up with some dysfunctional ways of obtaining oxytocin release like preoccupation with porn and fantasy. So whatever you can do to make your life social. Do it. It's really not optional for humans.

u/blue_garlic · 1 pointr/Psychonaut

Why do you think you are supposed to be happy? Honest question. Do you believe that happiness is the default state of being for a healthy human being?

This book helped me understand my mind a bit better along with tripping quite a bit. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

Edit: I would caution you against tripping without an experienced sitter given your history of suicidal thinking. It can be an amazing tool but can also put you in a state where you rationalize harming yourself for real. I'd also suggest you look into legal ketamine therapy is there is any way you can afford it. It would be lower risk and might benefit acute symptoms more effectively.

That aside, the book might provide some insight to allow you to at least reframe some of what you have going on. Anyway it did for me and was a standout aid on my continual road to better mental health.

u/mewmewlicious · 1 pointr/stepparents

That sounds like a really lovely and interesting book! I will put it on my "to read" list.

At the moment I have on the list:

The Happiness Trap - haven't started this yet though

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child - started this but just pissed me off because it made me realise my husband is a permissive parent and I wish he weren't.

Brain Rules - haven't started this but has a lot of science backing it up.

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life - this book was used by my counsellor, it has some great activities on ACT/Mindfulness.

I am spending way too much time binge watching shows in my uni holidays - I ought to get reading!

u/drowny · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

This ties a lot to ACT: or acceptance and commitment therapy. There have been studies that show that fighting negative feeling intensifies then.

I’d recommend to read this book that talks all about it: The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT

A quote from the book: The more we try to avoid the basic reality that all human life involves pain, the more we are likely to struggle with that pain when it arises, thereby creating even more suffering.-Russ Harris

u/Im-a-molecule · 1 pointr/RiotFest

Good looking. Idk if this book is also available on what you just mentioned but, The Happiness Trap is also another good one to look into.

u/Pdawnm · 1 pointr/Buddhism

One option is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

This book takes the ACT perspective, which is trying to incorporate Buddhist teachings and western evidence-based treatment. It’s a pretty straightforward and helpful read.

u/curlycake · 1 pointr/nonmonogamy

Hi there! Do you recommend the illustrated version or the text one?

u/Xyrubusa · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

(Edit: I didn't read the whole post and didn't know you weren't looking for self help books. Maybe these will change your mind though.)

Here are two fantastic books that can help you deal with depression and the fickle human mind. One focuses on mindfulness and the other focuses on reason. Enjoy!

The Happiness Trap (mindfulness)


A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (reason)


I hope these help, I can answer any questions you have about them as well.

u/ImDauntless · 1 pointr/Buddhism

I agree with other commentators, this may be (in my non-medical opinion) mild to moderate depression. (Again, this is just an idea, diagnosing people over the internet with little information is not entirely ethical). I would like to suggest to other posters that depressive disorders are somewhat diverse.

Depending on your personal and financial situation, I cannot recommend seeing a psychologist enough, as I have been in this same situation. Whether you come from a background of hard science or spirituality, I would urge folks to see therapists/psychologists as a teacher that can help you understand what what is real, and how to have a good relationship with your thoughts/feelings.

I would like to suggest a few books that I have found to be personally helpful in this regard:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), very good read which outlines how your mind, Buddhists might call it the ego, creates a fake reality in a depressed state, and methods to counteract it:

Burns, David Feeling Good

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a different but similar approach to dealing with challenging thoughts/feelings, borrows a lot from Buddhism. Main idea is to be aware of thoughts and feelings as occurring, and not good or bad (and not "you"). To accept thoughts and feelings, not as reality but just as thoughts or feelings, and to take action towards something you value:

Harris, Russ The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

If you're on a little, or big, Buddhist kick, I'd recommend the writings of Zen Master Seung Sahn. This particular book takes his bright and connectable style, and examines a variety of Buddhist traditions to see how they alleviate dukkha/suffering/stress/etc. in different ways:

Seung Sahn The Compass of Zen

Please do check out these books and post questions if you have them. If you are interested in finding a psychologist, and it is something that takes personal buy-in, I would suggest taking a look at Psychology Today or on your insurance company's website, if you're American.

Have a great night! =D

u/nothingbutnoise · 1 pointr/Needafriend

I recommend reading the book The Happiness Trap if you feel this way.

u/suddenlyshoes · 1 pointr/videos

I really really wish I could cut down everything I've learned over the past year into a neat and tidy reddit post but there's just so much that I can't. I've thought about starting a blog for awhile now to write down all the techniques I've learned and if I do I'll PM you about it.

But for the meantime, I suggest looking into mindfulness meditation, self-regulation therapy, and a book called The Happiness Trap which teaches Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

I think the Happiness Trap may be the most interesting to you as it gives you techniques and exercises on what to say to yourself or what to do when you start ruminating or feeling self-doubt creep up. I highly recommend it. If you're able to combine that book with going to a therapist you'll be well on your way to kicking ass.

u/spblat · 1 pointr/myfriendwantstoknow

Oh. Sorry about that. My own opinion is that negative thoughts can't really be banished effectively. My opinion is that instead one should give them room, breathe, remind oneself that the negative thoughts aren't helpful and let them leave of their own accord. To each their own. I got these opinions from reading The Happiness Trap.

u/TadasGa · 1 pointr/askpsychology

I've got decent mileage out of https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841 though not sure if that's what you are looking for.

u/Laniarty · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

You should also read The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. It talks a lot about what makes people unhappy and depressed to begin with.