Congratulations on being wise enough with your money at such a young age to do your research and ask questions. That's exactly what you should continue doing, as it will pay off in the long run far more than any single investment you can make right now.

Along those lines I would invest a small amount of that money in some basic books about money that will help you develop a fundamental philosophy about your relationship with money and building wealth. Ebook, blogs and apps all have their benefits, but you really should have a basic financial library of physical books you can have on hand.

Your Money or Your Life:
https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780143115762

The Simple Path to Wealth: Your road map to financial independence and a rich, free life:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1533667926%5D(https://www.amazon.com/dp/1533667926/

The Bogleheads' Guide to Investing https://www.amazon.com/dp/1118921283/

The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1589795474/

That short list is in no way complete, but will get you started.

As far as websites/blogs/free reads here's a few to consider:

http://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Main_Page

https://yourmoneyoryourlife.com/book-summary/

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/blog/

https://www.thesimpledollar.com/

It's great that you have a nice little lump sum of money to invest right now, but the key to building wealth generally won't involve lump sums every now and then and finding places to put them. The key is to discipline yourself to set aside portions of any amount money that comes in and have an automatic system to invest it and let it grow without touching it.

Have a plan for every paycheck, bonus, tax refund, inheritance, bank heist money :) you come into to have a portion funneled into your investments before you're tempted to find other, unlimited, things to do with it.

This is the greatest book probably ever written on that concept:

http://www.ccsales.com/the_richest_man_in_babylon.pdf

Having a goal, a plan for getting there, and the discipline to actually execute it will make you wealthy. Wealth gives you choices, freedom, and opportunity, and the earlier you start building it, the easier it will be to have these things. If you don't appreciate how important those are to living a good life, I guarantee you will in the years ahead.

At some point you will hear the name Warren Buffett (if you haven't already). He's the single greatest investor who's ever lived and my personal favorite. Once you have the basics down, and you might have further interest in investing I would recommend studying him. Even though there are countless books and websites devoted to him, he's already left us nearly everything you need to know about investing right there on his simple company website in the form of his annual letters--basically a free master class on investing, written by a genious who also happens to have great wit:

http://berkshirehathaway.com/letters/letters.html

In a much broader sense beyond investing, there is a book more than a hundred years old that discusses getting to wealth in a very interesting and powerful way. I've used it as inspiration from a standpoint as a business person, but I think it's worth studying seriously for anyone trying to build wealth.

I believe you can still get a free copy here:

http://scienceofgettingrich.net/subscribe.html

If you don't want to subscribe, just Google "The Science of Getting Rich".

And here's a good audio version as well:

https://archive.org/details/TheScienceofGettingRich

No matter what philosophy and path you take, I always include another personal recommendation to set aside a small portion of your portfolio into something "alternative" that interests you and might have the potential to build or at least preserve wealth. For me it's basically precious metals, and more specifically collectible silver and gold coins. I've also collected old paper money, stamps, stock certificates, rare books, and music and movie memorabilia all to a lesser degree. Keeps things interesting, and sometimes you can do pretty well with experience and a little luck.

And best of luck to you!


*Edit: Sp+fixed links, and here's my best TLDL:


Buy physical copies of some basic wealth building books. Consider :

Your Money or Your Life: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780143115762

The Simple Path to Wealth: Your road map to financial independence and a rich, free life:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1533667926/

The Bogleheads' Guide to Investing https://www.amazon.com/dp/1118921283/

Read "The Richest Man in Babylon" and follow the concept of always paying yourself first:

http://www.ccsales.com/the_richest_man_in_babylon.pdf

Warren Buffett is an investing God. If/when you're ready to learn more, just start here:
http://berkshirehathaway.com/letters/letters.html

Read and/or listen to "The Science of Getting Rich":

http://scienceofgettingrich.net/subscribe.html

https://archive.org/details/TheScienceofGettingRich

Diversify a small portion of your wealth with physical assets you can hold and that might have a lifelong interest to you. A quick recommendation would be to start with 5% of your portfolio in precious metals, perhaps a small variety of silver bullion coins and bars. (I'd be happy to give you specific suggestions on these if wanted).

Here are some things I (and I know others) have struggled with. I think the web is exploding with resources and information, so I don’t necessarily think we need to explain what a prototype is. There’s better places elsewhere to learn things about UX, but I think we could provide some good resources for not just people new to UX but everyone else too. I’m coming at this from what I wished I would have access to when I was trying to get into the field. I know that /u/uirockstar has some good walls of text that probably should be included as well. Feel free to suggest any changes to what I have here.

I really want to begin a career in UX/UI. What do I do?

Well, first it’s important to know that UX and UI are not synonymous. While many job postings combine them, UI is a subset of UX, just as research and information architecture are. UI is still important and if you can do both, you do increase your value. While many see UX as a research field at its core, the UX/UI title implies that it’s only about creating pretty things.

The first step is learning more about the field, which brings us to…

What kind of education do I need?

If you are still in school, there are more places recently that are offering courses in human-computer interaction. You can even try to create your own internships. There are very few UX specific schools, though they are starting to pop up, like Center Centre and General Assembly.

Yeah, yeah, that’s great. But I already graduated, so where do I start?

Any focus on people or technology can act as a solid foundation for learning UX. Because there has never been a set entrance path into the field, UX roles are filled with people from many different backgrounds. The most common degrees for those in the field though are design, psychology, communications, English, and computer science. link

There are a number of people in the field who are self-taught. There are tons of books, blogs, and designers (here are some helpful resources) which provide enough UX stuff to keep us all busy. When I first started reading about it, I quickly got overwhelmed because there was so much information available and most of it was intended for those who already had a pretty good grasp on things. The Hipper Element’s crash courses in UX and user psychology are great places to get a fairly quick overview.

There are books like The Design of Everyday Things by Donald Norman, 100 Things Every Designer Needs to Know About People by Susan Weinschenk and Don’t Make Me Think by Steve Krug that make for great first books.

UX Mastery has a great eBook for getting started, appropriately titled Getting Started in UX. Kevin Nichols’ UX for Dummies is both very readable, yet detailed. You can even buy the eBook if you don’t want people on the bus to think you’re a “dummy.”

Lastly, Fred Beecher has a very extensive Amazon list of recommended UX books, depending on what area you are looking to learn more about.

Great. I’ve read a whole bunch of stuff and have a pretty good idea how UX works. Now how do I get someone to hire me so I can gain experience?

Hey, easy there. While, yes, there are lots of UX jobs out there, very few are entry level and not many employers will hire someone who has only read about it and not actually done it. You can’t get a job without experience and you can’t get experience without a job. I know. Frustrating, right?

You have to prove that you can do it. One way to do this is site redesigns.

Go find a website that lacks in it’s user experience and figure out how to fix it. Maybe it’s a small business down the street from you or maybe it’s a feature on eBay you think could be better. Redesigning sites is a good way to practice a process and make mistakes on your own time. If you can involve the owner from that small business down the street, that’s even better because then you can get a sense of the customers (users) that you will be designing for.

Once you have done this, you have (some) experience! Start a portfolio and add to it!

But I have a resume. Why do I need a portfolio?

Resumes are great. But resumes won’t get you a job starting out. It’s a million times more effective to show potential employers what you have done, rather than showing them a resume showcasing that you are a team player and proficient in Microsoft Office. But you should still have a resume that outlines your UX skills.

But I’ve never worked in UX! What should I put on my resume?

You don’t need to put all of your old jobs on your resume if they are unrelated to the field. Most places still want to see some work history so they know you haven’t been living in a cave for the last four years, but they don’t care about how you sold vacuum cleaners or trained circus horses. Maybe you can relate some crossover UX skills to your previous work.

Back to portfolios. They are a lot like elementary math class in that you want to show your work. Potential employers are much more interested in how you made a design decision rather than the final result. If your portfolio just has a bunch of fancy wireframes, that doesn’t tell them how you took specific personas into account and you are simply showing them something that looks pretty. And just because it looks pretty doesn’t always mean it makes sense.

Okay. I have a portfolio with a few unsolicited site redesigns in it.

Congratulations! But I have some bad news. Are you sitting down?

No one wants to hire you yet. You haven’t worked on any “actual” projects that showed how your UX skillz helped a business. I know I suggested you do site redesigns to get practice and you should because that is work you can take to a nonprofit or another small business and say, “here are some trial runs that I’ve done that prove I know what I’m doing and now I can help you for free in exchange for adding it to my portfolio.”

They’ll probably be skeptical and say, “hmmm… I don’t think my website needs this newfangled user experience you speak of and—wait did you say free?”

You both get something out of it and you’re doing it pro bono, which relieves you the pressure of making one tiny mistake. (There is a great site called Catchafire that matches non-profits all over the country with people looking to donate their time and skills.)

Once you have a portfolio displaying your work and some experience, start applying! But there is one more aspect that goes into getting hired and that is the people who will hire you.

Ugh, but isn’t networking just using people for my own professional gain?

I had this same mindset and it probably delayed my entrance into the field. I wanted to rely only on the quality of my work and trusted the rest would follow. I avoided networking and meeting people in the field because I didn’t want it to seem like I was only mooching for a job.

But the fact is people are altruistic in nature and like helping others. Many people also enjoy talking about themselves, and those are the two main principles of an informational interview. You’ll also find that people are excited to help others get started since they remember how difficult it was (see: this blog post).

It wasn’t until I started getting those informational interviews and talking with people at UXPA and MeetUp groups that I learned another side of UX, but also got more familiar with more hiring managers or those that knew them. Whenever possible, people will hire those they know and like. Until you get out and start shaking hands and kissing babies, you will be just another faceless name in a stack of resumes.

Meeting with recruiters/staffing agencies is also a good route as they make money by finding you a job, so they have a vested interest in giving you constructive criticism.

I've heard that you have to live in a big city to get a job in UX.

Move. Just kidding. But while it’s true that larger cities like New York, San Francisco, and Seattle are full of opportunities, there are plenty of other places around the country that have jobs. Here are the top 20. If you live in a tiny city, expect a tougher time finding a position.

Okay, I got an interview. How do I not mess this up?

Some great advice is to go all UX on your preparation and treat the interviewer like a user.

.......to be continued.



Blogs:

• Boxes and Arrows
  
• The Hipper Element
  
• UX for the Masses
  
• UX Mag
  
• UX Mastery
  
• UX Matters
  
• UX Movement
  
  
  Other:
  
  
• uxdesign.cc: Methods and Deliverables
  
• CogLode.com: behavioral and consumer psychology
  
• Good UI: Best practices shown in a “don’t do this, do that” way
  
• UX Mastery’s HUGE list of resources
  
• UXarchive: iOS user flows
  
• iOS Human Interface Guidelines

I tell people this a lot, and it really depends on the person, but I'll try to make a list! To focus on ourselves basically means to better our confidence and our general well-being. Focusing on ourselves is basically keeping busy while improving ourselves at the same time. Because at the end of the day, we can't rely on others to lift us up. It helps to have people there, but we will always have ourselves. Focusing on ourselves means just living our lives and not worrying about trying to find another person to help fill the empty void in our hearts, but at the same time, while doing our own thing and just living life, this is when we may meet other people or potential future partners along the way. So either way, it's a win-win situation.

• write, journal, let everything out. Hold nothing back. There's a lot of cool notebooks to choose from out there specifically tailored to give you topics to focus on, like writing prompt journals, or there's gratitude journals as well
  
• which leads me to my next point, write out a list of what your grateful for
  
• write out a list of your current goals or any improvements you would like to make, then look at it every day or post it somewhere you can easily see in your room
  
• Friends have recommended the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" (I still haven't read it but I heard it's good)
  
• I also heard this book is really good too "You Are a Badass"
  
• hike, pick a trail, set a goal to make it to the top of a hill to help build your endurance (I have a friend who also loves to do this while making videos of himself talking to himself and just reflecting on life)
  
• go to social events like parties or shows
  
• focus on your career and work on that promotion, or if you still don't have one yet or you're unsure, this is the perfect time to figure that out and make a list of what you really love and have passion for
  
• remind yourself that you are awesome and deserving of the best, every day or at least once a week
  
• remain humble and never cocky
  
• depending on your age, go to bars and hang with friends and also depending on where you live, go to a barcade if you like video games or old arcade-style games while drinking
  
• hang with friends and have on one one convos with them about life (you really learn a lot)
  
• learn how to cook something that you can see yourself enjoying for the rest of your life (cooking is a great skill to have, and many women really love men that know how to cook)
  
• get a new hair cut, or buy some new clothes, a new video game, a new anything. Treat yo self
  
• become your own best friend (it's really not as lame as you think)
  
• pick up a new hobby, whether it's an outdoor or indoor activity, like photography
  
• if you're still in school, maybe join any groups or clubs
  
• definitely exercise since it helps build muscle, keeps you fit, and helps boost those endorphins making you feel better in the long run
  
• if you're the artsy type, go to art galleries, and if you feel so inclined, even invite a female friend to join you
  
• take a mini road trip with your friends if possible
  
• write a short story
  
• Dare yourself to try a new foreign dish for the first time and live life on the "edge"
  
• help volunteer somewhere
  
• pay a stranger a compliment
  
• do one good deed for someone every week or month
  
• visit some place you've always wanted to go to
  
  I know there's so much more you can do, but I hope some of these can help for now! Basically just go out there and live your life and have as much fun as possible.

This ended up much longer than I intended. Apologies for the wall of text. I know that was one of the points but I felt compelled to respond to each point.

If this post was a mirror, I would see my own reflection. Many of your points hit home for myself.

Here are some of the ways I try to combat these. I'm not always as successful as I would like in applying these consistently but I have found them helpful.

1. This is a tough one. If it is a personal interest item don't worry about it too much. If you really have a passion for the subject, it will come back around. If it is professional or academic try to remind yourself why you need to do them. To get paid, to support your family, to get a good grade, and if you can tie some kind of reward to making it through that can work. I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes, 5 minute break, 25 minutes, 5 minute break, 25 minutes, 15 minute break) or a similar variant. There are a lot of different apps for this but I really like http://www.marinaratimer.com/ since you can customize to fit your needs. Also play music (Spotfiy has a focus play list with good low key background music), a pod cast, or audio book when working. It gives me something else to occupy my interest and helps keep me on track.
   
   
2. Hyper focus can be a gift and a curse all at the same time. I think of this as my focus is an anchor getting stuck on whatever subject and I am unable to move on until its run its course. If it is a beneficial hyper focus session like working on a project, I don't worry about it too much. If it is just a non-stop research mode then the best thing is to talk to someone like your SO or roommate about it. Tell them that you need help breaking away and have them check in on you and get you to walk away to do something else, anything else. Just pulling away for a trip to the gym or walk the dog can be enough for me to break the cycle for at least awhile. The pomodoro can help sometimes but not often when I'm in this type of hyper focus mode.
   
   
3. Break things into their smallest possible parts. For example you want to graduate. So you have to take classes. Those classes have tests, homework, etc... Those have pre-test, reading, discussions, etc... The next important part of it is tracking your progress. Use a to do list or even a project management type of solution. I currently use Wunderlist https://www.wunderlist.com/ as a to do. This is one area, I'm always trying new tools to try and find the right one. Each have their strengths and weaknesses. If you live in Mac / iOS then OmniFocus https://www.omnigroup.com/omnifocus. Todoist https://todoist.com is good. Also like Trello https://trello.com/.
   
   
4. See point 3, I see these as really the same thing.
   
   
5. I just bought a higher end field audio recorder because it was an awesome sale of 50% off and saved about a $150. It was something I was planning on getting later this year but had not really budgeted for it yet. For a budget check out YNAB, http://www.youneedabudget.com/. For the compulsive shopping, most of mine is online shopping. Amazon wish lists are your best friend. They allow me to do the shopping and save them for later. I then review the list later and many times remove items that was just an impulse. As for unused items, don't keep them stored away. Out of sight, out of mind and you will not use them. Also keep them organized. You could also make a deal with yourself that if you don't use it after a set amount of time, you will sell the item. Clearing out the clutter can be a really good feeling. Also can help raise some funds.
   
   
6. This is a tough one as well. Finding the right job is key and not always easy. I really enjoyed my previous job but was offered another with much better pay and focused on one subject area. My last had many different aspects to it. Your description is what my last year has been. Now I'm looking for something more like my previous role. My ADHD was almost an asset before and now it is more of a burden.
   
   
7. Look into a standing or adjustable desk if that is an option. Lots of DIY options and price points out there. Try the Pomodoro technique, use the breaks to walk away to get a snack or coffee.
   
   
8. I've done this before as well. My turning point and drivers are data about it. I track as much as I can and automate the collection of it as much as possible. Seeing the data and trends is what helps me make changes. For weight I have a Withing WiFi scale. For budget, again YNAB. Mint is a good option as well. Two of the better tips that I could give for cutting back on eating out: Prepare meals in advance and freeze / reheat to make it easy to eat at home; Setup regular meals with friends / family. You can trade off cooking for each other and get to have some quality time to build your relationships. My wife's family comes over once a week for dinner, and we go to my mother's house once a week as well. Trading off who hosts once in awhile. This also makes eating out more of a treat.
   
   
9. This is one my larger struggle areas. My family and close friends know this about me and have learned to notice to be able to redirect me. Trust is key and they know I don't mean any disrespect by it. For the interruptions, if on the phone try muting your phone. You will have to unmute before responding which will make you stop to think about what you are going to say. I do this for work all the time. In person is harder.
   
   
10. I would welcome tips for this as well. I'm very tall and have larger stride than most so the walking slow is very annoying. Deep breaths maybe? I don't know. This one gets me every time.
    
    
11. Found it on this subreddit, http://www.beelinereader.com/. Also reading out loud can help.
    
    
12. YNAB for budgeting infrequent bills and birthday / holiday gifts. Google calendar with reminders. I also have bills setup as recurring items in my to do list.
    
    
13. Get some sun, go outside. Call a friend to for a quick chat. Setup a to do list with your chores. Just getting some laundry, dishes, or cleaning up a bit can be those easily obtainable goals. Then at least you can something tangible to point to that is complete. I find that having a list of next action items, to do list is the best for me. I like David Allen's Getting Things Done method http://amzn.com/0142000280.

Well this seems like a good opportunity to post a few of the lessons I learned in my 20s.

To my former self:

If you're depressed, here's how to turn it around

• Stop drinking, this is the main cause.
  
  
• Lift weights. This alone could also stop depression. It's likely related to low testosterone levels
  
  
• Fapping too much makes the depression worse
  
  Fap less, and never to porn
  
  
• Ejaculating too often removed your motivation to take actions and start tasks. You can consider porn like a poison for the mind. Pleasurable but it desensitizes you to all other pleasures, making life seem bland and boring. Until the only thing you want is porn. It perpetuates itself.
  
  
  Gratitude
  
  
• Whatever you are grateful for will grow
  
  
• Gratitude is the only way to be happy. If you think about what happiness is, it's appreciating what you have. When you think of something that would make you happy, you are imagining yourself appreciating it when you get it.
  
  Wealth
  
  
• You can have anything you want, as long as you create enough value for others first.
  
  
• To be wealthy, don't try and do tomorrow's work today, just have a successful day each day. If you have more successful days than unsuccessful days, your wealth will grow. As you have successful and productive days, opportunities will be attracted to you.
  
  Theories
  
  
• The key to success in any area is having the right theory. A small amount of work, or a massive amount of work, with the wrong theory, won't lead to success.
  
  
• With the right theory, success will be relatively straight forward. When you do the thing, it will basically work every time. Anything that has been done many times before, can be done yourself with the correct theory
  
  
• When most people speak of the 'years of hard work' they put in before they 'cracked the game', usually means they were laboring under the wrong theory, and then one day they found the correct theory, and when they applied it, it worked. (excluding world class athletes, talking about common things like starting a business or growing muscles)
  
  
• Theories can be gathered by spending tens of thousands of dollars on seminars or tens of dollars on books. Both can contain theories that work and theories that don't work. Higher cost definitely does not mean they have the right theory
  
  
• Some theories can seem like they are guaranteed to work, but on testing, actually don't. When someone says they have the right theory, it will seem worth any price. Often they actually don't. Beware. If possible buy their book and test it for yourself, it's just as good in book form.
  
  
• This whole list is a list of theories, as you can see, they are usually quite simple and easy to understand. Complexity is usually a sign the person doesn't really know how things work
  
  
  Girls
  
  
• You cannot make a girl like you, you can however find a girl who likes you
  
  
• They key to getting girls is to get in excellent shape (lift weights), dress well, and talk to girls until you find one that likes you
  
  
• If a girl is unsure if she you likes you, won't go on a date with you, or doesn't let you touch her in anyway. She doesn't like you. Find one that wants all those things. Don't be fooled by girls who seem to REALLY like you but doesn't have time to meet, or won't let you touch her. They do not like you like that.
  
  
• Hot girls are just as likely to like you as not hot girls
  
  
• If you like a girl more than she likes you, and she doesn't want to meet up/hang out/have sex. Let her go and move on
  
  
  Career
  
  
• It's very easy to get ahead if you just try, most people don’t
  
  
• You career will naturally progress just through normal learning, don't worry about it
  
  
  Flow
  
  
• If you want things to happen without effort and struggle, live a life with gratitude and presence. Things will seem to happen easily and naturally.
  
  
  Meditation
  
  
• Mediation gives you the ability to be your best. Very handy for improving at anything, particularly gaming, as you see more and learn more. It gives you access to creativity in solving problems and improving your performance
  
  
• Mediation allows you to 'stop the mind'. Do this if you're stuck in over-analysis
  
  
• To meditate, set a time on your phone for 20 minutes, sit still and don't move a muscle, and focus on your breath as often as you can. Your mind will try to stray, just focus on your breath as much as able. This is how you quiet the mind
  
  *****
  Edit:
  
  To answer some requests, here's my list of resources.
  
  Wealth/Metaphysics
  
  
• http://www.audible.com.au/pd/Health-Personal-Development/The-Science-of-Getting-Rich-Audiobook/B00FMUQVSI
  This audiobook has the best summary I've found of how wealth works
  
  Lifting
  
  
• https://stronglifts.com/5x5/
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738
  
  
• http://startingstrength.com/
  
  
• http://www.leangains.com/2011/09/fuckarounditis.html
  
  How Procrastination works:
  
  
• https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
  
  
• https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html
  
  How Business works
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Personal-MBA-Master-Art-Business/dp/1591845572
  
  What innovation actually is and how to do it:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Innovation-Entrepreneurship-Peter-F-Drucker/dp/0060851139
  
  How economics works:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/How-Economy-Grows-Why-Crashes/dp/047052670X
  
  How to get things done:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
  
  Task Management tool:
  
  
• https://todoist.com/
  
  Spiritual Books
  
  
• Spiritual books won't make sense unless you've had an awakening, and you can't make this happen, it happens by chance/grace. If you have, anything by Eckhart Tolle will be amazing.
  
  How to be a man:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Blue-Truth-Spiritual-Guide-Death/dp/1591792592
  
  Audiobooks (most of these can be found on audiobook):
  
  
• Audible.com
  
  Frame Control (Anytime you feel like you're trying too hard or begging for something, you lost the frame)
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Pitch-Anything-Innovative-Presenting-Persuading/dp/1501211811
  
  This is my favourite book of all. They talk about the new type of conscousness which is really really interesting to me. May not apply to all people.
  If anyone find this book interesting I'd love to talk about it:
  
  How the world works:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Spiral-Dynamics-Mastering-Values-Leadership/dp/1405133562
  
  
• https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Spiral-Dynamics-Integral-Audiobook/B00FO5660E
  
  

I'm sorry if the reply turned out a bit too general, but the individual steps depend a lot on the specifics :)

As I said before, it's crucial that you understand the problem domain as good, or better than your customers. I like to think of it as the Fog of War in strategy game maps. I can only effectively perform once I have explored enough territory to see the big picture. Here's roughly how I would try to wrap my head around such a challenge, if the company hired me to help:

Customer

Who are the customers? It's actually possible to think of the customers just in terms of their needs and desires. But it's useful to know their demographic attributes, so you can choose whether your solution is going to be a lateral or a niche one. For instance.. Trello is a lateral solution, because the kan-ban methodology can be applied to many different types of problems. On the other hand, It could be argued that 500px is a niche solution, because it caters to photographers more than meme authors. It's very easy for 500px to figure out where photographers hang out online and in the real world, should they choose to reach out to them in any way.

The job (Problems / Desires)

The customers usually have some sort of job to be done. That job is driven by their desire for a benefit, or a lingering problem that needs solving. Those benefits can range from monetary to peace of mind or social status. And problems can range in severity. Furthermore, different customer segments can rate some problems and benefits as more important than others. This is the combinatorial explosion of stakeholders and their points of view, that informs a strategy of a good product designer, and causes an uninformed designer to arrive at an optimal solution only through brute force or sheer luck.

Solution

Sometimes the solution has to be drawn up from scratch, optimized or entirely re-imagined. So what is the existing solution? What would an utopian solution look like? A complex problem might require a solution in the form of a toolkit of multiple core activities (Like Google, HubSpot or Moz). A focused solution though, can be embodied in a single product (Caffeine.app keeps your mac from going to sleep). If a solution is complex behind the curtains, but you make it simple and gratifying from the user's point of view, it may seem like magic to them.

Business

The things that you do behind the curtains are some core activities, that might require some key resources. That's how the business makes sure it spends less than it earns on a customer (unit economics). It's easy to paint a picture where the world is split between sociopathic capitalists with a greedy agenda & empathic designers, who champion the user's priorities. But a similar solution with a sound business foundation will always be better for the customer, because it stands a better chance of outperforming the economically inferiour solution in the long run. It's the job of a designer to balance between the two aspects. So much so, that the Elements of User Experience places big emphasis on both Business Objectives & User Needs.

Communication

Once you love your people, and you have a way to show it to them, you'll have to start and maintain some sort of relationship. You can identify Touch Points or Channels. If, for instance, your customers are tourists looking for a place to grab a meal before boarding the next train, you can administer your solution right then and there, at the train station. But most of the time you'll be reaching out to your potential users somewhere between you and them, probably through a third party (online publication, app or ad network). It may take multiple exposures in different contexts, before somebody decides to give your solution a try. So a customer might bump into your message at certain touch points, open a communication channel like a newsletter or notification subscription, and only then decide to commit. There's often talk about a multiple stage funnel, through which we try to shove as much of our target market. But you can also look at customer lifetime stages as vertebrae in the cohort spine. For instance.. Slicing out customer segments by lifetime lets SoundCloud identify differences between a newcoming podcaster & a long-time podcaster, and communicate with each of them appropriately, even though most of the people that care about SoundCloud are producers and record labels. Staying on top of communication also helps you avoid conversion attribution mistakes, so you can communicate more effectively.

Here are some resources related to those subjects:

• Value Proposition Design, Alexander Osterwalder: How to map the Customer, their Problems and Desires to a Solution.
  
• The Innovator's Dillema, Clayton Christensen: Describes how disruptive innovators solve existing problems in novel ways.
  
• Minto Pyramid Principle, Barbara Minto: How to communicate the value propositions to a rationally minded customer.
  
  A bit more business related:
  
  
• Four Steps To The Epiphany, Steve Blank: A user-focused methodology for efficiently finding a viable business model, called Customer Development.
  
• Business Model Generation, Alexander Osterwalder: His first book takes a broader look, dealing with booth the business and customer side of things.
  
• Lean Startup, Eric Ries: What Steve Blank said.
  
  Once I have a good understanding, I would focus on Information Architecture, Experience Design, Production & Iteration. I can't spare the time to write about those now, but here are some related resources:
  
  
• Elements of User Experience, Jesse James Garret: What a typical experience design process is made up of.
  
• About Face, Alan Cooper: Another take on the whole process, dives a bit deeper into every stage than Garret's book.
  
• Don't Make Me Think, Steve Krug: One of the first books to gave the issues of IA and UX design a human, customer point of view.
  
  I might write more about the specific subjects of IA and UX later, when I find the time. In the meanwhile, check any of the three books with italicized titles, if you haven't already.
  
  Peace o/

The majority of my relationships have been non-monogamous. I'd consider myself someone who is not terribly traditional about relationship structure. Some of my partners have been "like you" - people who were not interested in dating multiple people themselves, but were willing to be flexible or compromise to varying degrees.

I see two separate issues here.

1. In the long term, he'd like to continue having multiple partners and you'd like to continue having one partner.
   
   
2. You would like to be treated as a serious partner -- you'd like your partner to consult you before making certain kinds of decisions, and you'd like to feel like your emotions, preferences, etc. are valued and considered.
   
   ....
   
   To me, your pain is as much about communication (or lack thereof) vs. the structure of your relationship. I am generally comfortable and happy in open relationships. However, if I was in an open relationship for 6 years with a partner that I lived with, and we'd spent every holiday together, I would expect them to communicate with me before booking a holiday with another partner. If they did somehow book one first, mention it to me, and then discover that I felt hurt... I would expect them to discuss the situation in detail.
   
   Perhaps there was no way in which you'd ever feel comfortable with the situation even if he had tried to talk to you about it beforehand. However, if I wanted a partner to feel comfortable, I would start by having an honest conversation and listening to their concerns. Lots of concerns about open relationships are totally valid - like sexual safety, feeling reassured that you are loved and that you are a priority vs. wondering whether you might be disposable or they are looking to "trade up", etc.
   
   I'd really encourage both you and your SO to read one of the books that talk about communication in open relationships (like "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino - http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1408424734&sr=8-2&keywords=opening+up)
   Regardless of whether your relationship is viable, he isn't likely to have long term success in an open relationship (or any relationship) if he thinks that "open relationship" = "I do what I want, when I want, and if one of my partners feels anxious, I dismiss their concerns as a violation of my individual freedom".
   
   For me, it feels comfortable to know the people that my partner(s) is dating (or whatever term you want to use ;) and to have direct communication with them. It's not just that I want them to know I exist... I also want them to feel like they can ask me questions, be honest with me, etc. They've often been my friends, either previously or afterward. If you know them, it's easier to understand whether they just have a casual / sexual interest, "romantic" interest, their attitudes about safe sex, whether they're going to treat your partner well, etc.
   
   Also, not all "secondary" partners would WANT to go on holiday with someone if they knew that their longterm partner was feeling hurt about the trip or had learned about it in an after-the-fact way. Being attracted to somebody's SO doesn't necessarily mean that you don't care about how they treat their other partner or your impact on their relationship. Even in a very casual dating situation, I care about other people's partners 'cause they're fellow human beings and we already have at least one interest in common ;)
   
   I see a lot of red flags in your description of the situation, but if you do decide to try to make it work, I'd encourage you both to read more about communication in open relationships and to try seeing a couples therapist. There are couples therapists who work with people in not-completely-traditional relationship situations and who are not inherently morally opposed to the concept.
   
   But also, there are lots of people who would happily have an open OR monogamous relationship with you that would include lots of honest communication, treating you like you are important, trying to understand your feelings or address your fears vs. pressuring you to immediately accept a decision that was made without your input.
   
   Also, even people who are 300% excited about open relationships sometimes feel jealous, scared, hurt, etc... and you should be able to talk about those feelings honestly. It isn't supposed to be a situation where you are always expected to feel nothing or act like you feel nothing or keep your emotions to yourself.
   
   I can't say whether it's a mistake for you to compromise and be in an open relationship (either this relationship, or in general)... but I can say that it would be a mistake for you to shrug off your feelings about this and suffer through it alone.

> Where do you suggest learning this? What do you think of my idea of hiring a culinary student to give me private lessons?

In nearly 10 years of professional cooking I have never met a culinary student with hands. Unfortunately, I cannot explain it more than having the right attitude, with there "always being room for improvement" and "oh he's asian." My first chef and cooking job told me I had "heritage knife skills." You are on the right track with Shun and simply wanting it. I can post some demo videos eventually, when I sober up and have more in my pantry than onions (I work ~80 a week between two kitchens, I don't eat much at home).

> I don't have any friends who work in the food industry, where would you suggest meeting such a person (similar question as above)? I would buy a whetstone, but I have no idea how to use it properly. Also, most of my knives are from Shun, and I know they have a service where you can send them off to get them sharpened for free. I haven't done this yet (knife set is pretty new). Would you suggest this?

Shun is good people, but I resharpen my knifes everyday for use in a professional kitchen, with volume ranging from cutting three bunches of celery to 100 lbs of onions on top of service--I don't like to play with dull knives. And it is a skill you never really lose, though I wore a hole in my finger the last time I sharpened knives, but I sharpened knives for the entire staff and was fairly drunk at the time--maybe you shouldn't be friends with us, unless you like waking up to a pile of dishes and beer cans in the morning... Once again, I would be willing to sharpening technique on youtube, but I'm certain there are videos of it there, "Japanese knife sharpening."

> I enjoy cooking and I absolutely find it cathartic and meditative. However, I have time constraints. I have a job, hobbies, chores, occasional medical problems that sap my energy, and I have to cook ALL my meals. I feel like I spend too long prepping vegetables as it is now. I realize for some recipes that getting perfect cuts is important, but 90% of the time, I would like to just go faster. Do you have any tips for this?

For me, speed come with knife sharpness and monopolizing a single cut. So if you have to julienne a ton of onions, do not try to do one at a time, cut them in half, clean/peel them all, then focus on the julienne so you are repeating the same motions over and over vs attempting different angles and having to move finished product into a container or off the cutting board.

> One major thing I have going for me is that I have great resources in terms of grocery and kitchen options.

>I'm not sure if you are familiar with the Seattle area, but we have an amazing variety of grocery stores/markets here. There is a farmers market every day, Pike Place market, Amazon Fresh (delivery), multiple organic co-ops, Costco, multiple Asian grocery stores, specialty international food stores, Cost Plus World Market, Whole Foods, upscale grocery stores, regular grocery stores, etc. etc. I can get pretty much any ingredient. The problem with most of the produce is that it might be sprayed with the pesticide that I am allergic to. CSAs only work if the produce comes exclusively from certain farmers that don't use this pesticide. When that stuff is in season, I buy huge quantities directly from the farmer and load up my chest freezer.

This makes me happy, but I was happy anyways since I had a few after work. In terms of recommended reading, I suggest looking into pickling assuming you are not allergic to citrus, even so you can probably still use refined vitamin C. Here are three pickling Amazon links: Balls. Can. Ferment, sorry, couldn't resist the urge.

Something else I borrowed off one of my ECs: On food and cooking, Harold McGee.

Another to add to your library: Food lover's Companion

Food is great in that it is a kinesthetic science, a lot of great cooks are also great "scientists" they just don't know it, they are just doing it by "feel, taste and smell." This is where organization and precision come in--know your objective/hypothesis and continue with experiment procedure from there, speed is a measurement: how long, how fast, etc, etc. "If you don't measure you cannot improve." I feel like recipes are more or less, just successful lab reports.

Since you mentioned vegetarianism I feel like I can discuss my on and off relationship with veganity. I do try to build muscle from time to time and so it is hard for me to ignore the nutrient/protein density of tasty decaying animal flesh. But generally in terms of vegetables and fruit there are few exceptions to them having more benefits apart from them being consumed raw: namely Goitrogens.

So this may lead you, as well as it lead me for a time to a "raw/vegan" diet. I dunno though, I get stuck between it and "Paleo" and sometimes just eating raw meat--I cannot tell if I am just becoming lazier as a cook or if I am making strides my personal health.

Back onto topic of sorts:

> My kitchen is already pretty good. I have a nice gas stove, which I feel makes a big difference. We are planning a remodel to enlarge the kitchen.

Hrmm, I am at odds with enlarging for the sake of "bettering," I feel like you can get away with great results with little space and a little ingenuity, but with great precision. I have a portable induction cook-top, a juicer, a blender and a shitty built-in electric range/stove, just missing a dehydrator, PID temperature controlled water bath, a blow torch, vacuum sealer and I wouldn't be too far from a NY test kitchen--I feel like I could feed a hundred people, no problem without using the electric ranges: it comes down to organization. You are one person, trying to feed yourself and your family at any given time, make prep easier for yourself by doing much of it at once or at least eliminating a step or two, prep for half the week or prep for the next step, for example: celery--strip all of it away from the root, throw it in water and save it for later, this keeps it springy and passively washes it; I was taught a long time ago to not drain root vegetables but rather pull them from a bath of water, in that the dirt sinks and stays at the bottom rather than being agitated and back on the vegetables after straining; then you can come back to cut it in any variety you wish. I've kind of made a habit out of bathing veggies vs spraying/rinsing, of course there are exceptions, things that you will peel anyways, that spot of dirt that needs scrubbed and that we need "RIGHT NOW."

The problem I have with recipes is the objectivity in creating "the dish," most of the time, my creations or "specials" come from leftovers or something that is on the verge of being completely useless. Simplicity is king. At my one restaurant we had some black beans that were starting to smell fruity (which is normal, but no one had a planned use for them), a few onions and peppers, some spices, a quick roast then blend with some lemon juice/vinegar and we had a black bean salsa, which I tried to pair with some fish and roasted tomatoes but everyone just wanted the salsa with chips--whatever, I'm Asian, I don't know.

So rather than filling your refrigerator with a dozen half eaten dishes, fill your refrigerator with an endless possibility of dishes: prepped greens for salads; portioned meats for cooking; pickled items for accoutrements, garnishments or just adding that extra acidity; gutted/peeled veggies or fruit--you picking up what I'm laying down?

From there you can experiment with single servings: a celery leaf salad--balsamic vinegar, pickled radish, mustard greens, olive oil, crushed red, salt, julienned carrots, diced red onion and toss in a soft boiled duck egg if you feel the urge. Professional cooking is just a hodgepodge of "stone soup" that everyone has grown to like and accept, everyone has something to add and or learn from.

Restaurant dishes are designed to sell. Try to keep in mind the overt commercialization and not take the small successes you have in just enjoying a simple salad with some boiled eggs, while not getting sick, for granted. Good health tastes great, don't let anyone tell you hard boiled eggs and some celery sticks isn't a meal--"It is until I eat again!"

Speed is just an increase in efficiency in carrying out the procedure. You'll get it, just know what you want and are doing first, then be deliberate. I'll help out best I can.

Hey there! I recently finished this course and also recently got my first offer for a Jr. Front-End Developer role after about a year and a half of self-study. Colt's course is awesome, and I found it to be the best single resource on web development I encountered. So I think you've picked a really good place to start. But, that being said, it is just a starting point (even a full-time $10k boot camp is just a starting point), and you probably will need to look into other resources as well.

I will second what others have said that I found the Rob Percival course underwhelming, but there's a lot of other stuff out there that I would recommend. Note: I'm going to go a bit link crazy here, and I know that might seem a bit overwhelming, but I'm figuring it's better to give you more rather than less; your mileage may vary, and you may not need all of these. These are just the resources I found most helpful.

Free Code Camp is a great place to find practice problems to work through, mainly when it comes to front-end. I can't stand using it end-to-end as a learning path, but others love it. So, different strokes and all that.

CSS Tricks is a really great blog and site for learning how to do advanced CSS stuff. And the site founder Chris Coyier, also hosts a really great podcast called Shop Talk that's all about front end.

John Duckett's books HTML & CSS and JavaScript & JQuery are really pretty and very noob friendly. The JS one does have some errors, so be wary of that, but I found it really helpful for getting a sense of the underpinnings of the language while reading on the train.

You Don't Know JS Is a great book series that is all available online for free and will really help you solidify your JS knowledge.

JavaScript: Understanding the Weird Parts is another Udemy course that does a deep dive of JS (Udemy always has sales, by the way, so never pay full price for their courses).

JavaScript Design Patterns is a free course on Udacity that is super helpful in introducing you to JS frameworks and MV* design patterns. Note that, while you can pay to do a "Nanodegree" through Udacity, you can also access a lot of their courses for free, so I would recommend trawling through them--there's a lot of good stuff on there.

JavaScript 30 is a 30-day structured course in building stuff with vanilla JS by Wes Bos, who has a lot of other good courses as well (though some of them are paid).

Practical JavaScript This is one I've actually just started working through, but so far, I'm really enjoying it. Again, this is free. It will introduce you to test-driven development and give you a better sense of how to plan your own projects, while also not getting mired in any frameworks.

If you want to go into the bowels of the framework world, though:

The udemy course I did first for React/Redux now seems to have been taken down by its creator so that he can update it. But it was called The Complete React Web App Developer Course by Andrew Mead, and when it comes back in updated form (hopefully soon), I would definitely recommend it. If you like Colt's teaching style, Andrew's has a lot of the same feel (excited, but really detailed explanations, and goes over things 50 times in different projects and contexts so that you really learn them). I've also started doing Stephen Grider's Modern React with Redux, and it seems really good so far (though I'm not that far into it, so take it with a grain of salt).

React Fundamentals is another awesome free course by one of the developers of react-router.

Hey dude! I want to send you a huge long explanation I did a while ago about Wacom tablets (which are "industry standard") that didn't get much love in the original post, but I put a lot of work into figuring everything out for this dude so I thought I'd share it again.

Before I paste in my response to this question someone posted, I wanted to mention a few things about your unique situation.

When starting out in design, it's probably more important to invest in a mouse, the Creative Cloud Suite, and some sketching supplies. I use my tablet all the time, but in my classes only about half of the people use tablets. Everyone else gets by just fine (even in illustration) with a mouse. Trackpads are asses to work with, and a good sketchbook, a set of Micron pens, a nice .5 mechanical pencil and some Prismacolor pens are gonna do you a lot more help than a tablet, especially if you're just starting out in classes. Other supplies you might need include a T-Square, a right angle measure (is that what they're called?), a good X-acto knife and a bunch of blades, a good ruler, some tracing paper, and a case to carry it all around. Oh and a portfolio (one of the cloth ones so you can carry your print work around).

If you're specifically looking at web design, i'd invest in a couple amazon books like this book and this book

In terms of graphic tablets, I'm posting an explanation of all the ones available right now. The person for whom I was originally responding was looking to buy one as a gift for, I think, their SO who was primarily a photographer using Photoshop. And just as I post at the bottom of the quoted message, feel free to PM me if you have other questions about anything that I've mentioned here :) Good luck OP, and sorry for the wall of text!

> First off, it's much easier to navigate the different models via the actual wacom site[1] . Here's a breakdown of Wacom tablets:
Almost all wacom tablets come in different sizes. Typically they are small, medium, and large. Very simple, it just dictates how large the tablet is. On the other hand, it also dictates the ratio of calibration to the screen. Let's pretend that your tablet is 4"x5" and your screen is 8"x15" (for the sake of an example, ignore the absurd dimensions). Since every point on the tablet is directly calibrated to a point on your screen, it'll take 1.5 times longer for your cursor to travel horizontally than it will vertically. Not an issue, but it makes the learning curve for using a tablet a little steeper because you have to learn how to change your hand-eye coordination from 1:1 to 2:3.
Ok so about the different models: Bamboo is an older model that is no longer sold. Now they have Intuos Pro and just plain old Intuos. Bamboo is great, fine, wonderful even, but as time goes on it'll be harder to find replacement stuff (like pens, which I have lost once or twice) for the tablet itself.
Now, in the plain old (newest) intuos family, you've got Draw, Art, Photo, and Comic. Draw, the cheapest one, is not a touch tablet. It won't respond to your fingers on it, just the stylus. The rest are all touch tablets too. All four are considered "small". Draw is the bare minimum. Nothing special comes with it. Next level up, you've got Art. Art is touch sensitive and comes with Coral Painter. Next one (Photo) comes with Tonality Pro, Intensify Pro, Snapheal Pro, Noiseless Pro (and I know nothing about what each program does). Then Comic comes with Clip Studio Paint Pro and Anime Studio® Debut 10 (again with the not knowing what it is).
Next up You've got the Intuos Pro, which is what I use (i'm a senior design student with four years of professional design experience, to put it in perspective I do a lot of illustration and I'm very happy with my Intuos Pro). There's really nothing too complex about these, there's small, medium, and large. That's really the only difference among them.
In terms of which one to get, here's my thoughts. The Intuos Pro family is great, but if he's only editing photos then it might not be worth it to get the more expensive tablet. The bamboo tablets are adorable and easy to bring around, but they jack up the price for absurd programs that you most definitely don't need (Adobe suite is standard in the industry. While he sounds like he's only working with Photoshop, if he ever needs to share a file with someone who doesn't have the programs that come with the tablet, they'll also have to own the software in order to read the files).
I have an older generation Intuos Pro that does not have touch-capabilities. It's fine, I have learned key commands to compensate for my inability to quickly zoom and move around artboards, etc. If you're trying to save money, go for the Intuos Draw. It's a great starter, and within the next year-and-a-half to two years he'll probably upgrade. Or you can drop a hot dollar on the Intuos Pro family and kinda bite the bullet. I started out with a bamboo (back in 2007!) and used it until I came to college. I got an Intuos Pro, loved it to bits, and lost the stylus. For about 8 months I was too lazy to buy an $80 new stylus so I used my 2007 bamboo for all my work, and it went fine! I have since sold my little baby bamboo, but it served me well for a long, long time. The only problem is that the appeal of a new toy is sometimes greater than the practicality and logic of playing with an old one.
Best of luck! Let me know if you have any other questions...

If you're really truly interested in mastering this hobby and applying yourself to learning it, here's what I would recommend:

1. Define short-term goals. Do you want to learn A, B, and C tricks? Do you want to work on body movement and dance? If you're having a hard time defining this for yourself, look to the spinners you respect and try to figure out what it is about their style you admire and would like to make a part of your own.
   
   
2. Schedule a regular practice. Make an appointment with yourself that you would keep just like an appointment at work. Remember: this is something you're doing for you? Who is more important to keep your promises to in your life than yourself? Doing this will also help keep you from the dreaded "I can't find time to practice" conundrum so many of us wind up in...make times for the things that are important to you.
   
   
3. Create a regular 20-30 minute warmup ritual before you practice. This could be your meditation or a dance warmup, a series of stretches, etc. Pick a piece of music you'll listen to whenever you sit down to do this or have a particular scent of incense you put on. For the spiritual out there, this ritual will help prepare you for the work you're about to do and focus your mind on the task at hand. For the scientific folk out there, this is classical conditioning: you're setting triggers to put your mind into a state of focus and eliminating outside distractions.
   
   
4. Structure your practice around your goals. Want to integrate gunslingers into your flow? Try for one week to get ten spirals and ten meteor weaves every single day, then next week up the ante and practice the transitions between a flower and these moves ten times. Want to work on your dance/flow? Set aside 10-20 minutes to just spin to music and explore the space around you. Some days you'll be on and make lots of progress and some days it'll feel like you're backsliding or hitting your head against the wall. Both are important to the learning process.
   
   
5. Define your overarching goals. What is it you want to do with poi? Do you want to have a fun physical hobby, perform with it, get into the tech world, etc? Figuring out what attracts you to the art will help you focus your energies on practicing those skills that are most in line with what you enjoy. Also be prepared that you may discover something in the course of your practice and experience that changes this dramatically. Reevaluate it every 4-6 months or so.
   
   
6. Learn to love the plateau. We love getting new tricks. We love the excitement of novelty--and it's really bad for us. It teaches us to value the temporary over building in the long-term. Mastery is a lifelong journey where the goal becomes subsumed more and more by the experience of getting there as time goes on. Plateaus are important because they allow you to refine the things you've just learned and polish them into a more beautiful form. It is inevitable that you will spend the majority of your time in the flow arts on a plateau of some sort or another, so the more you make your peace with it early, the easier that journey will become.
   
   
7. Become comfortable with solo practice. All the research we have on mastering skills at this point indicates that it takes thousands of hours of deliberate solo practice to become a virtuoso at a given skill. Spinning with people is fun and you will learn new things, but the majority of the progress you'll make will be on your own. This is harder for some people to adapt to than others, but it is an essential part of the journey (unless, of course, your goal is to become a virtuoso at partner poi ;)
   
   
8. If possible, find a good teacher/coach. A good teacher will push you when you need to be pushed, challenge you in ways you never thought possible, and guide you to becoming the best possible poi spinner that you can become. Sadly, this tends to be a luxury as good teachers in the flow arts world are extremely hard to find, but if you're able to find a good one make every use of their services.
   
   Good luck with your journey! It's been one of the greatest I've embarked on in my adult life :)
   
   Here are some books I would recommend on the topic:
   
   Mastery by George Leonard (talks a lot about mindset and learning to love the plateau)
   
   Talent is Overrated by Geoffrey Colvin (gives a lot of pointers when it comes to deliberate practice)
   
   So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport (lots of counterintuitive but useful info on developing skills)
   
   The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle (lots of great info about what to look for in a good coach/teacher)

Hey nowweareopen,

First of all, I'd just like to say that some of the posts here have been unnecessarily negative. This subreddit is supposed to be accepting and I feel like people have written you off too quickly because of your age. I'm 21 (M) and in an open relationship with a wonderful 23 year old (F). We've been open for the past two years, and it's been immensely satisfying for ourselves and our lovers.

Yes, being in an open relationship is hard but so is being in any relationship. oo_nrb has a ton of great advice, so I'm going to try not to duplicate too much of that.

In general, it seems like you're going into this from a stable position and an open mind. I'd highly recommend that you both read Tristan Taramino's wonderful book Opening Up before you jump in head first. The book will teach you that everyone define's their open relationship differently, and that the most important part of non-monogamy is defining your rules and sticking to them. Open relationships demand a higher level of trust and a greater commitment to communication, because there is a lot more at stake.

> What are some common pitfalls people tend to fall into/how can we avoid them?

• Not defining the rules early (Do you want to hear about everything? Before? After).
  
• One partner finding tons of lovers and the other not (Help each other out and talk about how you're doing frequently)
  
• Not slowing down or stopping quickly enough if the other partner is starting to feel neglected.
  
• One partner getting into the open relationship because it feels like their only option. (Make sure you both want this and you're not just settling for it).
  
• Safety (Condoms, STD tests, and safer sex practices are a must)
  
• Confusing infatuation over a new partner for love. (Realize that new relationship energy will always feel amazing, but it's not the same as what you guys have. Always respect the primacy of your relationship).
  
• Breaking the rules. Just because it's open, doesn't mean you can't cheat. Cheating is bad.
  
  > How do we find people who are interested purely in sex and are comfortable having sex with someone in an open relationship? I'm wary of Craigslist and online sites.
  
  The same ways your find them normally: bars, parties, friends, and sites like OKCupid. The thing to realize is that very few people are interested in "just sex". There's nothing wrong with being friendly or affectionate with the other people you're banging, as long as you respect the primacy of your boyfriend. You guys might want to start out with rules about how much emotion, connection is allowed if it makes your uncomfortable, but realize that you are restricting the number of partners that would be interested in you.
  
  > How do we broach the subject of sex in person to people he and I find?
  
  Flirt. Be touchy and make sure to be honest with your other partners that you have significant others, but that you're open. Explain your rules, your boundaries, and if you're comfortable with it, let them talk to your partner for confirmation.
  
  Good luck. If you have any other questions, let me know.

Caution: Wall of text to follow.

Firstly, congrats on caring at a young age about your finances. That's something not a lot of people can say. With that being said I'll like to take each of your paragraphs in turn and answer your questions at the end.

NOTE: If you just want answers to your questions and not my advice skip ahead.

> While I believe that there are some truths behind "Money doesn't buy happiness", it is a lot easier to be happy knowing that you are well-off.

As a word to the wise from someone a little further down the road let me just say there is more truth than you yet realize in those 4 simple words. Many people don't come to see the truth till their old age looking back on a life filled with regret, so take some time now and seriously contemplate it, because the reality is in 85 very short years you'll likely be dead, and all you ever had will belong to someone else. If the only happiness you get in this life is seeing dollars in your bank account you'll miss out on a lot.

> The leading cause of divorces are because of financial issues. I mean, that has to speak for something.

In the vast majority of divorces it's not a lack of money that's the problem, it's a lack of agreeing on what to do with the money that is. Marriage can work below the poverty line, and above the 1% line. The financial issues of marriage aren't solved with just "more money!"

> I want to be able to support myself, other family members who aren't as well off, and be able to buy my kids (if I have them) a car, pay for their college funds, etc.

Supporting your own family is honorable, but beware when helping out "less fortunate" family members. There are many, many problems that can arise from that if not done properly, and enabling a family member will only make their situation worse, not help them.

> I don't want to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. . . . . who can bank at least a million in one year.

That is a very big dream, but it's not unrealistic. Big dreams are good, and as long as you can approach them level headed they help give you focus. I say that your dream is worthwhile, and although I caution against greed as it can destroy you and your life, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a CEO making $1,000,000.

ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTIONS

> So tell me. Where do I start investing and also building my way up to becoming the CEO of a company?

You start right where you are. There is nothing stopping you from pursuing your dream now. Begin with learning. Learn what it takes to be a CEO, learn how other CEO's have done it, learn what your talents are. There will be much learning for you starting out.

I recommend the internet and a library card. Read a CEO's biography (it's as close as you'll come to getting to interview some CEO's). How is it that Donald Trump was able to go from rags to riches twice?! What would it take for you to do that? Learn all there is to learn about running a business, being a leader, and leading a successful venture.

> At what age?

NOW! Bill gates was already writing software and starting Microsoft at your age (not to say you're behind or anything like that.) There is no age limit on being a CEO, and there is certainly no age limit on learning and working hard.

> What majors in college should I be looking at?

This will be up to you and what you feel you would be good at. Do you want to be a CEO just to be a CEO, perhaps some business major then? Learn from other CEO's stories and what they majored in.

> And at what colleges?

Personally there is little impact based on what school you choose. There are CEO's that never went to college, and there are CEO's that went to Yale/Princeton.

The fact is it takes maybe $200 to start an LLC and call yourself a CEO, no college degree needed. What comes after that is actually making the money! In order to do that you have to provide a good or service that people want. The more people you make happy, the more money you'll get.

Something you should know now is that starting a company, and running a company is HARD WORK. I know some owners of start-ups that had to work 60 - 90 hours a week with little to no sleep to build their business. I know others who fell into the CEO position because their daddy owned the company, and they were lazy, and thanks to their lack of action the company collapsed.

> And of course, looking to do this in a legal way.

Welcome to America :), where hard work, sacrifice and the willingness to learn and strive can and do payoff.

One last piece of advice: Don't be a jerk. When you become the CEO of a company and you are making the millions, when you someday are the hotshot, don't look down on those around you. Remember where you came from, and those that helped you along the way, and there will be those that will help you!

People will always respond better to someone who is nice than someone who is a jerk.

Here is some recommended reading once you get that library card:

• Start by Jon Acuff
  
  
• EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey
  
  
• I will teach you to be Rich by Ramit Sethi
  
  
• The millionaire next door by Thomas Stanley
  
  
• The seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey
  
  There are many more books, but that's a start.
  
  Jon Acuff went from amateur blogger to best selling author, and is a great motivational writer. His books make me want to run a marathon, and are good for motivating you.
  
  Dave Ramsey went from bankruptcy to running a 300 person business and earning in the %1 of earners in the nation with a national brand. His book is about being a leader in business and you'll need to lead if you want to be CEO. It's a hard job, and not nearly as cushy as you might think.
  
  Thomas Stanley is a researcher who studies those with a net worth over $1M and his book will show you that being rich doesn't contradict with a frugal lifestyle.
  
  The others and highly recommended in general!
  
  The fact is you'll need to grow up, turn off the TV, and look weird to your friends. How many 15 yr olds do you know reading books about how to run a company and studying up on what it takes to be a CEO, or how to start a business? I don't know many, but I do know that at 17 years old William Gates III started a joint venture with Paul Allen (their first business). They both went on to make the top 20 richest billionaires list. Bill still holds the top spot.
  
  If you want to be rich, you want to be a CEO, then work at it. Work at it now, work at it often, and work at it always. I have no doubt if you dedicate yourself you can do it. The fact of the matter is that most people reading this are tired just thinking of the work it takes to be CEO, and that's why they never will be.
  
  Best of luck on your future success, and don't forget the little people.
  
  ~ Dragon J.
  
  Edited for formatting.

> For me, RP is like economics. It's a model of human behavior that is built on predictions and patterns.
> TRPers are like economists. There are many "schools" that are built around RP, some of which are more closely aligned with the model (from my perspective) and some of which are not. And just because someone says they are an economist does make them an expert in economics.
> Trying to understand RP just from reading what various TRPers write is as ridiculous as trying to understand economics from what various self-proclaimed economists write.

Actually, I'm mostly referring to the sidebar when I discuss TRP concepts. And comparing TRP to economics is a great example.

Remember why the financial crisis happened in 2008? That's right - flawed ideas of economics. There's tons of literature on how applied neoclassical economics quickly can become a self-fulfilling prophecy which apparently produces results in the short term, but in the long term spells doom.

Same thing applies to TRP. Compare the average TRPer to an investor during the pre-crisis area. The investor buys MBS-funds which seem to pay off infinitely. So he puts more and more money into it, after a while he has invested everything he owns. Sometimes people warn him that his assets are based on mortages that will immediately default, and thus are worthless in the long run. But he points at his current net worth: Can't people see that this is working? Suddenly the entire market crashes do to the innate rotten nature of his MBS funds, and he is left with no assets and a whole lot of debt.

Same thing for the TRP guy. Spends years acting in line with TRP philosophy. It ostensibly works at first, but people are telling him that his behavior will not allow him to reach his goals in the long term. He ignores them and continues his TRP lifestyle. 5 years down the line the woman of his dreams leaves him. She's tired of him dissmissing her and walking away at the slightest hint of anger from her ("Holding frame"), she's tired of him not taking her seriously ("Amused mastery") and she has grown aware of how fragile and insecure his ego is as he seems to interpret anything she says as an insult ("Passing shit tests"). Now the man is fucked.

> Ugh. I hate the direct comparison to PUA. I know little about PUA as a whole (though some of their actions do seem to line up with what I would recommend), but I know I'm not the only RPer who bemoans RP turning into something like "PUA 2.0". RP, to my mind, is not just a new form of PUA. It goes way beyond what I understand of PUA, which really seems to only focus on short-term hookups.

Every single TRP idea existed in the PUA community. The most famous part of the community (popularly seen in "The Game" By Neil Strauss) involved tips and tricks for short-term hookups. The "Inner game" part of the community is pretty much identical to TRP. Just look at videos from RSD (Real Social Dynamics) and you'll find pretty much every TRP concept there.

> Again, you are focusing on the doing and not on the being (which isn't surprising, given that many TRPers make the same mistake). It's back to the old "fake it until you make it" idea. If you know who you need to be (like, say, confident), it can be useful to emulate that quality until you actually express it naturally, but to assume that the faking it is the making it is completely off-base.

I disagree. This is a flawed way of thinking. You cannot emulate confidence until it appears. Confidence is a feeling that makes you act and feel a certain way. We know from psychology that confidence is the result of your experiences within a given field and your interpretation of that. The only thing you accomplish by acting confident is that you get better at... acting like a confident person. Most people see through that easily.

> The end goal of RP is not to "do alpha", it's to "be alpha." If you are being alpha, all the rest of the shit will fall into place.

I understand the differences her between being and doing. But if you are actively (as is promoted in the sidebar) doing "Alpha male stuff" like "Holding frame" or "Amused mastery", then you are actually just teaching yourself a set behavior. You are not actually being authentic and acting in line with your own values - which would be what the idealized "Alpha male" would do.

> I can always tell that someone just attended a class or training by the fact that their actions are so out of alignment with their being.

And this is exactly what I'm talking about! Would that leader "Be" a leader by faking it until he made it?

> My understanding of the "hypergamy" dynamic and how men and women express and feel love differently comes from years of both reading various experts and studies on the subject of human sexuality and from my countless conversations (and relationships) with other people from all walks of life, so it's hard for me to reference something off-hand. I would say that the work of David Buss goes a long way towards validating the idea of hypergamy/polygyny as base sexual drives in humans, so I would check him out for that. Not included in this discussion, but I found that Esther Parel advocates a view of sexuality that confirms the idea of AF/BB, so that's another non-RP source.

I'm familiar with David Buss and evolutionary psychology. And yes, it describes why the impulses men and women have when it comes to sex have evolved. Women have evolved to be more selective because they risk pregnancy, while for men no such mechanism has been adaptive. However, men are also strongly attracted to visual cues of genetic fitness, just like women. There is nothing gender specific about the idea of "Hypergamy" if it is merely defined as the desire for an attractive partner.

> Why is that so hard to believe?

There are plenty of reasons for this in an evo psych perspective. The most important one being that the high SMV man has other opportunities. Unless the woman is equally high in SMV, there's no way for her to know that he won't just pump and dump her, then leave her for a prettier woman. Then she's stuck with a baby and no man to protect her. Bad idea.

But in terms of real life applications, I was referring to the "Branch jumping" idea. Let's say you have a girlfriend. She meets a guy who has a better job than you, is more confident, looks better than you - he is a higher SMV male.

Does she immediately leave you if he hits on her? According to the idea of branch jumping : Yes.

> What people ideally want and what people can realistically get are two totally different animals.

Of course. I mean, If everyone got what they wanted, I'd be a space cowboy. But I'm not, and I'm still quite happy with my career. And just like I'm happy with my career, a woman can be happy with her man even though he's not the perfect man. And a man can be the same.

> Most of life requires trade-offs that result from a cost benefit analysis.

Are you applying classical economical assumptions to human behavior? Because it seems you're talking of humans as rational actors. I recommend this book by Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize winner in economics, which describes why humans do not fall in line with the assumption of the classical "Economic man".

> And it's interesting that you perceive polygamy as the result of patriarchal societies. I would maybe conjecture that you think that, conversely, monogamy is not a result of patriarchal societies? If so, there are many anthropologists who would disagree with you. They see enforced monogamy as something instituted by men for men and not for the benefit of women.

The old-fashioned form of monogamy is patriarchal because women had to marry. They couldn't work or go to school. Modern monogamy is not a patriarchal construct. And since we've already covered evolutionary psychology, it's worth mentioning that humans have an evolved pair-bonding mechanism which includes emotions aimed at keeping the relationship exclusive (Jealousy).

> The assertion that "women wouldn't want to share" presumes a modern setting for mating, which would be a mistake. I guarantee you that, at a time when resources were scarce and survival was a daily question, the concern over "sharing" becomes far less important than the concern over "how do I ensure the survival of my child and myself? How will I ensure that sufficient resources are available for accomplishing that?"

We agree here. If nuclear war ravaged the world tomorrow this would definately be the case.

> Additionally, it must be noted that the whole notion of humans being naturally monogamous, especially for life, doesn't really hold up in either an academic or a real world sense. Clearly, monogamy, especially life-long monogamy, is not the natural order of things for humans (otherwise, we wouldn't have all the conversations about n-counts and cheating and divorce and...). Humans have found that lifetime monogamy can work well for both parties in certain settings, but that does not mean that's what we are wired to do.

We have a drive for pair bonding, that's about it. It doesn't really make sense to talk about a "Natural order of things" with humans, the entire success of our species is contingent on us being adaptive. For a lot of people. life long monogamy will work. For a lot of people, it won't. The reasons why and why not are unique to each case and infinitely complex.

> I could write a book on this. Many authors already have. I don't have time now, but maybe we can get into it at some point. In the meantime, this is probably one of the most explored topics in human sexuality.

Sure, I'm interested.

Rich Dad Poor Dad catches a lot of flak, but it's actually really good at teaching the absolute basics in an easy-to-follow manner. Like, learn what a Cash Flow Statement is, increase your asset column, learn basic accounting language, separate emotions and money, minimize taxes. Just glean the overall principles he's teaching and don't blindly follow his specific strategies.

The Richest Man in Babylon is another great, easy to read, investing 101 book.

And The Millionaire Next Door is a research-based book on Millionaires in America and what kind of habits and mindsets got them to their current wealth. It's a wonderfully refreshing read after being brainwashed by tv and movies saying that millionaires won it or stole it and live lavish lives. Most actual millionaires are pretty frugal and hard working with modest lives.

---
And here are some resources to help you learn all the new words and concepts:

• Investopedia
  
• Bogleheads
  
• Khan Academy
  -- Microeconomics
  -- Macroeconomics
  -- Finance
  
• Personal Finance subreddit
  
• Investing subreddit
  
• Finance subreddit
  
• Accounting subreddit
  
• Financial Independence subreddit
  
• Business subreddit
  
• Economics subreddit
  
  ---
  And when you get pretty familiar with the basics and want to start messing with stuff, I've enjoyed the Think or Swim paper money route. They give you $200,000 in fake money to play around with and invest and practice your strategies. It helps you get acquainted with the research and the interface and the fees for investing. It's a wonderful tool.
  
  And then The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham is supposed to be a pretty good comprehensive guide the advanced basics (is that a term?) of investing.
  
  ---
  Or if you want to skip alllll of this and just hire someone, I've read in those subreddits that you want to find a fee based financial adviser. Which you can do here.
  
  .
  
  
  I hope I've helped man! It's a lot of fun to learn about. I wish you all the best.

Bootstrapped 10 years ago, kept the team tiny until just about 3 years ago. So I know the feeling!

You don't need to do it all. You need to do enough.

You're already on to a good first step: you've got a list of the 'buckets' you're spending your time in. Researching gigs, prospecting leads, emailing with clients, website redesign, social media. Plus, you know, the actual work. (For you: videography; for me: software engineering and operations.)

One sanity check is to accept that you're not going to get everything done. This is not the same as giving up, or lowing the bar, or accepting less for yourself or your business. It's a legitimate forcing function that will help you get organized and working on the right things.

If you can't do it all, then what do you do? How do you decide on what it is the most important?

Start with your buckets. There may be an inherent order of priority to them. I might suggest you start with billing and accounting for work that's been done. You don't want to neglect that, otherwise you just invalidate your hard work. Then there's the actual doing of billable work, which everything else is meant to support. Last, the supporting activities, like marketing.

You have a fixed amount of time in the day. Give each of these buckets a fixed amount of time, and a position on your schedule, relative to their priority. You could spend the first hour sending invoices, receiving payments, doing general bookkeeping and planning. Then your project management, reviewing emails with clients, prioritizing tasks for the day. The rest of the morning, dive in to your billable work. If you don't have billable work at the moment, build a hobby project that you can use for marketing.

After lunch, spend an hour on promotion, then back into a couple hours of work. Closing out the day, another block of communication with clients, then research opportunities and prospect for leads, along with whatever other habit might help you unplug and unwind so you can get some rest and recovery.

So time management is important. You don't have to plan out your day in five-minute increments, but it's good to have some rhythms and rituals. The important part is that you apply some thought to the kinds of tasks you're doing, where they're coming from, and the relative value of those types of tasks and the tasks themselves. You can't control the volume of supporting tasks, so focus on controlling your blocks of time. Limit the unlimited, apply whatever sorting criteria you can, and focus on finishing what you start.

You may not be able to do it all, and you don't need to do it all in order to be successful. You need to do good valuable work for your clients, and enough supporting work to get paid for it, to keep more work coming, and to keep improving the business itself.

I'll wrap up with maybe slightly more prescriptive pieces of advice.

If you don't already have one, you definitely want a bookkeeper and an accountant. Clean books from day one is super valuable. You don't want tax season to be a major time sink. There are plenty of solo or small CPA shops in your area that work with small businesses on a retainer basis. I'd rather spend $500/mo on a bookkeeper+CPA combo than a virtual assistant.

Outsource to software tools as much as possible. This Twitter thread is probably overkill for what you need at your scale. But you may get some good ideas. Software scales really well, you can get a lot done with a $50/mo or (eventually) a $500/mo tool.

If you choose not to use software, and scale with people, make sure that everything is written down and inspected! You should be able to take someone's notes on how they're doing a task, and replicate it yourself. If I was doing one thing differently, this is something I'd do more of. Do a task the first time, document it the second, and by the 10th or 20th time you can think about delegating or designing a system.

Get really good at email. Gmail has a bunch of great tools, get to know them. Commit to inbox zero every day; multiple times a day. Snooze liberally. If it's in the inbox, it's an action item you're working on right now. If it's not actionable, get rid of it. You can skim quickly, but remember, you can't do it all.

If your email back and forth consists of scheduling calls or meetings, stop now and check out Calendly. You need it, or something like it, to take the guesswork out of scheduling.

Your personal productivity is important. Getting Things Done is worth studying, if you haven't already. Check out GTD in 15 minutes for an overview of the book's content.

And last but not least, remember to take time for yourself! You need time away from work to rest and recharge and be a person. That's the wellspring of your creativity and drive to be an entrepreneur and a creator. Nurture it. And have fun!

I've posted this before but I'll repost it here:

Now in terms of the question that you ask in the title - this is what I recommend:

Job Interview Prep

1. Cracking the Coding Interview: 189 Programming Questions and Solutions
   
2. Programming Interviews Exposed: Coding Your Way Through the Interview
   
3. Introduction to Algorithms
   
4. The Algorithm Design Manual
   
5. Effective Java
   
6. Concurrent Programming in Java™: Design Principles and Pattern
   
7. Modern Operating Systems
   
8. Programming Pearls
   
9. Discrete Mathematics for Computer Scientists
   
   

   Junior Software Engineer Reading List
   

   
   

   Read This First
   

   
   

10. Pragmatic Thinking and Learning: Refactor Your Wetware
    
    

    Fundementals
    

    
    

11. Code Complete: A Practical Handbook of Software Construction
    
12. Software Estimation: Demystifying the Black Art
    
13. Software Engineering: A Practitioner's Approach
    
14. Refactoring: Improving the Design of Existing Code
    
15. Coder to Developer: Tools and Strategies for Delivering Your Software
    
16. Perfect Software: And Other Illusions about Testing
    
17. Getting Real: The Smarter, Faster, Easier Way to Build a Successful Web Application
    
    

    Understanding Professional Software Environments
    

    
    

18. Agile Software Development: The Cooperative Game
    
19. Software Project Survival Guide
    
20. The Best Software Writing I: Selected and Introduced by Joel Spolsky
    
21. Debugging the Development Process: Practical Strategies for Staying Focused, Hitting Ship Dates, and Building Solid Teams
    
22. Rapid Development: Taming Wild Software Schedules
    
23. Peopleware: Productive Projects and Teams
    
    

    Mentality
    

    
    

24. Slack: Getting Past Burnout, Busywork, and the Myth of Total Efficiency
    
25. Against Method
    
26. The Passionate Programmer: Creating a Remarkable Career in Software Development
    
    

    History
    

    
    

27. The Mythical Man-Month: Essays on Software Engineering
    
28. Computing Calamities: Lessons Learned from Products, Projects, and Companies That Failed
    
29. The Deadline: A Novel About Project Management
    
    

    Mid Level Software Engineer Reading List
    

    
    

    Read This First
    

    
    

30. Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth
    
    

    Fundementals
    

    
    

31. The Clean Coder: A Code of Conduct for Professional Programmers
    
32. Clean Code: A Handbook of Agile Software Craftsmanship
    
33. Solid Code
    
34. Code Craft: The Practice of Writing Excellent Code
    
35. Software Craftsmanship: The New Imperative
    
36. Writing Solid Code
    
    

    Software Design
    

    
    

37. Head First Design Patterns: A Brain-Friendly Guide
    
38. Design Patterns: Elements of Reusable Object-Oriented Software
    
39. Domain-Driven Design: Tackling Complexity in the Heart of Software
    
40. Domain-Driven Design Distilled
    
41. Design Patterns Explained: A New Perspective on Object-Oriented Design
    
42. Design Patterns in C# - Even though this is specific to C# the pattern can be used in any OO language.
    
43. Refactoring to Patterns
    
    

    Software Engineering Skill Sets
    

    
    

44. Building Microservices: Designing Fine-Grained Systems
    
45. Software Factories: Assembling Applications with Patterns, Models, Frameworks, and Tools
    
46. NoEstimates: How To Measure Project Progress Without Estimating
    
47. Object-Oriented Software Construction
    
48. The Art of Software Testing
    
49. Release It!: Design and Deploy Production-Ready Software
    
50. Working Effectively with Legacy Code
    
51. Test Driven Development: By Example
    
    

    Databases
    

    
    

52. Database System Concepts
    
53. Database Management Systems
    
54. Foundation for Object / Relational Databases: The Third Manifesto
    
55. Refactoring Databases: Evolutionary Database Design
    
56. Data Access Patterns: Database Interactions in Object-Oriented Applications
    
    

    User Experience
    

    
    

57. Don't Make Me Think: A Common Sense Approach to Web Usability
    
58. The Design of Everyday Things
    
59. Programming Collective Intelligence: Building Smart Web 2.0 Applications
    
60. User Interface Design for Programmers
    
61. GUI Bloopers 2.0: Common User Interface Design Don'ts and Dos
    
    

    Mentality
    

    
    

62. The Productive Programmer
    
63. Extreme Programming Explained: Embrace Change
    
64. Coders at Work: Reflections on the Craft of Programming
    
65. Facts and Fallacies of Software Engineering
    
    

    History
    

    
    

66. Dreaming in Code: Two Dozen Programmers, Three Years, 4,732 Bugs, and One Quest for Transcendent Software
    
67. New Turning Omnibus: 66 Excursions in Computer Science
    
68. Hacker's Delight
    
69. The Alchemist
    
70. Masterminds of Programming: Conversations with the Creators of Major Programming Languages
    
71. The Information: A History, A Theory, A Flood
    
    

    Specialist Skills
    

    
    In spite of the fact that many of these won't apply to your specific job I still recommend reading them for the insight, they'll give you into programming language and technology design.
    
    

72. Peter Norton's Assembly Language Book for the IBM PC
    
73. Expert C Programming: Deep C Secrets
    
74. Enough Rope to Shoot Yourself in the Foot: Rules for C and C++ Programming
    
75. The C++ Programming Language
    
76. Effective C++: 55 Specific Ways to Improve Your Programs and Designs
    
77. More Effective C++: 35 New Ways to Improve Your Programs and Designs
    
78. More Effective C#: 50 Specific Ways to Improve Your C#
    
79. CLR via C#
    
80. Mr. Bunny's Big Cup o' Java
    
81. Thinking in Java
    
82. JUnit in Action
    
83. Functional Programming in Scala
    
84. The Art of Prolog: Advanced Programming Techniques
    
85. The Craft of Prolog
    
86. Programming Perl: Unmatched Power for Text Processing and Scripting
    
87. Dive into Python 3
    
88. why's (poignant) guide to Ruby

My girlfriend and I just opened up our 3 year relationship about a month ago and other posters are totally right - it's a journey and I've found this reddit community to be SO helpful (thanks everyone here!) - one thing that really helped me was reading people's sappy posts. Seeing success makes this feel easier.

For the record, I TOTALLY feel you, your second paragraph spoke to my little heart -- I am so certain about my partnership and we were so stable and ready for life before we opened up. It's been a scary process that made me feel uprooted and a heck of a lot less stable. But I truly honestly feel like nonmonogamy is SO good for helping each of us explore ourselves.

I think it's important to be flexible -- when we first discussed opening our relationship we sat down and made a moderate list of rules or boundaries based on what-ifs. But then reality happened and we realized how our rules didn't really speak to the people we really were (example: we had discussed this being open for the sake of rando hookups, but neither of us are all that casual people. Girlfriend especially prefers to have some sort of emotional connection to those she's sleeping with. So things got a whole lot less casual really fast) so we had to reconfigure our boundaries. I am certain that what we currently have set up will still continue to change.

If you've never done this before, it's important to give each other a little slack because sometimes you won't have the right words for what you're thinking and feeling. It's okay to say "this was a problem for blah-blah reason" but try not to get all doomsday about it. There will be a lot of trial and error as you sort through how to communicate and act.

Others are totally right, communicate communicate communicate. If you are feeling something, try not to overthink it and do share. That being said, know yourself -- personally I've blown things out of proportion because I haven't reflected on my feelings before talking about them - now I do a lot of writing and digging into what I'm really feeling before I bring it up and it has been much more constructive.

Don't be afraid to talk about the changes you're feeling or seeing. The relationship will change - how the two of you navigate those changes is what matters.

> I'm torn between accepting that I love this person enough to try to expand in this way and feeling like I'm settling and over-compromising

Oh I so hear that! It's really important that you try not to overcompromise. And I suppose it's worth knowing what it means to you to overcompromise. Are you just saying yes to something so you don't have to think about it anymore? Or is there growth that comes with that decision that you value and so even though in this moment it's making you nervous, you feel like it might be worth it?
Take some time to know what you need and don't be afraid to ask for that. No matter how in tune you are with someone, they're not going to know what you need if you can't state it. example: my partner and I work extremely different schedules and live in different cities (not far, but far enough that spending time together requires effort) - one of my needs is physical quality time together. At first I wanted to be cool and casual, offering that we just promise to see each other at least once a week -- but not knowing WHEN I was going to see her caused some very deep anxiety for me. So I requested that we don't set dates with other people on Sundays so that we were always available to see each other for sure on Sundays, even if it's for brunch before she goes to work, or for the evening when she gets off work (there's a second part of why this is important to me -- in past poly-relationships and even in the very beginning of our opening up, I give a wide berth when my partners are meeting new people. So wide that I'll give up our quality time, and eventually erode our relationship - this is a problem I am working through).
If you live together then you may want to talk about making an effort to have a specific date night, whatever that might mean. If you're living together it can be easy to assume you spend a lot of time together so it doesn't matter, but that time is your regular every day down time. It's important to have some special time.

It's going to take time. It's going to take talking. There are going to be mistakes and you're probably going to learn a lot more about patience and forgiveness. You might feel unsettled for a little while -- give it time. I've seen people say this a lot and it is worth saying it again -- opening your relationship is putting it on Hard Mode. But it's doable and so worth it. My biggest piece of advice is to take the time to sort through your feelings. Take time for yourself. Take time to love yourself.


Here are some resources that have helped me so far:

• Probably everyone has directed you here: More than two
  
• And specifically: More than two: Handling Jealousy
  
• More than Two also has a few bits about being a monogamous person who loves a poly person (just as appropriate for a mono person loving a nonmono): Polyamory for Monogamists
  
• This one feels really basic but it also mentions some very realistic things and helped me to determine things I wanted to discuss with my partner: Clopen Relationships
  
• (not totally just about casual openness but about love as a whole; a really good read nonetheless): casual love
  
• AND. I haven't read it yet but I've seen it suggested SO OFTEN (but don't see it suggested in the other comments) - Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
  
  (edited for formatting errors)

> You might be thinking: then what happened before I started doing my homework? I didn’t develop IPT2048 and played other incremental games instead. After I published IPT2048 v2.1, for the entire week I was playing The Perfect Tower, NGUIdle, Almost a Hero, Scrap Clicker 2, etc.

Yo. Punishing yourself mentally for having anxiety about your cool little project you care deeply about isn't going to help you progress with anything.

My guess is: you're overwhelmed with the expectations you've set for yourself, and it seems extremely difficult to conquer your targets to the level of perfection that you can't possibly not achieve. You're anxious that you're not going to get it done perfectly, so instead of lowering your standards, you keep yourself from doing it at all, because then, you can't fail at all.

Problem is, you can't succeed that way, either. You're young. It will do you well to learn so early on that the reason you're anxious is because you want everything to work out to the utmost of expectations, because you care deeply about it. I think you know that it's a good thing that you care, but in your head, the tape keeps playing over and over of how some things can go wrong, and since it's louder than your desire to make it work, you stop yourself from working.

I've read an article in Scientific American about how one researcher considers addiction a learning disability. She was clever and learned things at a faster rate than most (I think this is your situation, as well). But then, when things started to get overwhelming — like after she got to the university or something — she started to find solace in drugs, because they helped her relax and not worry about things too much. At some point, she said, she was so attached to doing light drugs — like marijuana — that she'd forgotten to do the actual work of studying. She put it aside because it bothered her too much, and enjoyed drugs because they gave her the opposite.

Her thinking was: she got into drugs because she was clever. She learned all things quickly; she'd also learned quickly that drugs help overcome her fears — and it didn't matter at the time that she pushed the important work — the kind of work that made her a better person and a more capable specialist — aside.

I don't know whether it's true, but I certainly notice similar threads in my life. I learn well. I get things quickly that others struggle with. I excel. I also enjoy a lot of procrastinating and putting things off because they seem too difficult or are too scary to undertake.

As I got older, I came to realize how baseless those fears really are. It's not that the work is scary: it's that I think it would hurt me to do it, when there's no real reason for me to think that way. I give the negatives much more weight than I do the positives. The fear of failure, therefore, starts to rule my decision-making — and the only place I can possibly end up in when it's at the helm is in a rut, on the sidewalk of life, hoping that someone would come pick me up and help me get where I want to go.

Now, imagine this. There are two people in your life. You know both a little bit; you've spent some time chatting, so you kind of know where they're coming from when they say what they say. One day, one of them starts telling you about this cool new project they have the idea for. They describe it in great detail: all the cool features, all the awesome user interactions, all the potential — and then go on listing the reasons why they can't take it up. "It's too big!". "I can't make it all by myself!". "People would probably not like it".

The other person tells you about their current pet project too. It's not ambitious: just a little app that helps people in a small area. Maybe it's a shopping list app. Maybe it reminds users to take their medication. Maybe it sends autoreplies to certain SMS and emails. The person has some codebase ready, they've read the app store license agreements (for which they have some questions they mean to ask people who know something about it), they ask you if you'd like to test it once it's ready, to work out the kinks in design before official release.

Of those two people, whom would you rather help when they ask? The one that does nothing for themselves and always looks for the reason not to do what they think would be "really cool", or the one who gets things done and keeps things on the level where they understand it?

You might be tempted to start arguing the first person's case. Don't. You know what I mean, and you know I'm right.

You seem to be doing pretty good so far. People have spoken to the quality of your work — and to the nature of those who make "cool idea" posts. You actually accomplish things, and people respect that. So should you.

Take a step back. Leave the project to rest for a while. Take a deep breath, get what things you need to have done first so that nothing bothers you, and when you're ready, come back and see what you can do. There's no hurry, there's no rush, there's no expectations or a timeline. It's your project: you can, quite literally, do whatever you want with it. Continue it, scrap it, rework it, stop it — it's in your hands, as is the goals you set for yourself.

In the meantime, I'd recommend reading something on anxiety and productivity. I have no links for you, since everything I read is piecemeal: a little insight here, a little advice there, an overview from an unrelated book and a personal story from a videogame. That said, I would recommend Raptitude — a blog about mindful living and finding peace in a troubling world. David writes on a variety of issues, and you might just find something that speaks to you.

I would also have liked to recommend A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F-ck by Mark Manson to you, but I think you're not on the level to get as much benefit from it as I did. I started soulsearching when I was about your age, and it took me until now to come to understand life and living enough to be able to apply Mark's advice. Feel free to read it if you're curious, but I wouldn't expect much of it if I were you. It might not make much sense right now.

Take your time. Breathe. Focus on things you can do. Set the bar low and overperform.

Cost? - FREE

Here is the info but if you need more than that, you can always pm me your questions and if you want me to actually help you as in actually putting together pages and configuring settings, then we can talk about a fee but for now the following info should help a lot.

First you should know I am advocating using wordpress. Some people are not good with it and are worried about that factor. So here are some guides and stuff to learn it.

WordPress Guides

Some guides are created for helping people out. Some are free and some are not. Some are actual manuals and some are video tutorials that get embedded into the dashboard of the website, which I find to be pretty handy.

Free

• Easy WP Guide (PDF and Word - free)(brandable)
  
• WordPress User Guide (PDF low quality - FREE)
  
  
  Paid
  
  
• WordPress User Guide (PDF high quality - $6, Editable Word Doc - $40)
  
• Video User Manuals (video in dashboard - $24/mo )
  
• WP101 (video in dashboard - $19/mo)
  
• Integrated Video Tutorials by WMPU DEV (videos in dashboard - Need a Membership to Use - white label - hosted on their server - always kept up to date)
  
  Now that you have that here is some info on how to build a website.
  
  This is in answer to people consistently asking how to get a website built.
  
  Validate Your Skill Level
  
  Are you currently a web programmer? If no, please do not attempt to become one to code your own dynamic website as security is a huge issue and it will take you years to catch up. It is not a reasonable effort to put forth if you want to keep your sanity, not burn your spare time, etc. Not saying you can't learn it, just saying it takes a lot of work and time that most entrepreneurs don't have to use and in some cases waste.
  
  You can learn how to do html and css within a few months but using a CMS system is much cleaner and easier and if you need something dynamic, you will probably need a developer.
  
  You generally need to know at least php and mysql for dynamic websites unless you want to get into the confusing worlds of joomla and drupal (non exhaustive list of alternatives: Python & Django, Node and ExpressJS, Python and Flask, Python & Pylons, Ruby & Sinatra). I hear decent things about Ruby on Rails though on par with php and mysql learning curve I think.
  
  Want to Learn Web Programming Anyway?
  
  Try CodeCademy for interactive programming learning.
  
  No Coding Skills Start Here
  
  Get / Use the following:
  
  
• Hosting: Bluehost.com
  
• Domain name: Buy through Bluehost and get a privacy option on it
  
• Web Platform to one click install: WordPress a CMS platform
  
• Find an appropriate responsive wordpress theme here: Themeforest.net
  
• Install and configure these free plugins in order: Better WP Security, BackWPup, Akismet, Yoast, Broken Link Checker, FirmaSite Theme Enhancer, Growmap Anti Spambot Plugin, Date/Time Now Button, and Advanced Responsive Video Embedder
  
• Buy other plugins you need here: CodeCanyon.net
  
• Need an affiliate manager?: Use Linksert.net and it's free WordPress plugin.
  
  Need Something More Dynamic?
  
  You have a few options. This list goes from least expensive to most expensive. Just know that most things you want to do already have a plugin or theme designed for them for WordPress. There are however a lot of exceptions to that guideline and that is why you look at the following options.
  
  
• Least Expensive end
  
• Hire someone to develop a WordPress plugin to do that dynamic stuff (cheaper than second option)
  
• Hire someone to build you a custom WordPress theme that has the functionality you need.
  
• Hire someone to develop the site from the ground up.
  
• Most expensive end
  
  The reason why WordPress is mentioned a lot is because it is a CMS aka Content Management System which allows you to manage a ton of the pages and posts and various other aspects of the website. If a developer really needs to, they can modify the core parts of WordPress. Rarely will you need someone to build you a brand new website and honestly you really do want a CMS or you are going to have a hard time.
  
  Some developers can be found here: Elance (freelancers), Matchist (freelancers), and Glowtouch (dev company vetted by Bluehost)
  
  Things to remember with website development
  
  
• Try to use a responsive website themes and plugins so that it can fit any screen size including tablets and phones.
  
• Get familiar with what they call "sticky footer" so that your footers don't end up halfway up the screen on low content pages. Example and info.
  
• Get familiar with the concept of having a fixed header as it will promote a lot of use of your website. Example and info.
  
• Design is important. You have ~2.6 seconds to capture their attention before they bounce. Read this book to learn about it: "Don't Make Me Think"
  
• Best colors to use for design and other design tricks (the best you are going to find): Article and Video
  
  I am actually putting together a series on how to build a website that will be fairly extensive. If you would like to be notified of that you can sign up here and I will send you a message when it's ready.

Not sure the discipline of paleontology is really geared to answer that question... [EDIT] Most fossils I've tasted are tough, a bit salty and frankly too gritty to be on my foodie shortlist.

There's a few factors that goes into meat flavour and texture:

• Fast twitch vs slow twitch muscles determines how 'red' meat is - that is how much myoglobin it has. Birds that fly a lot have red breast meat when compared to birds that fly only in emergencies. For example, compare the breasts of pigeon (red) and chicken (white). This also works with fish: continuously fast moving fish meat tends to red, meaty flavours (eg tuna) vs most fish that have basically white flesh, but have a red triangle of muscle along the dorsal line like hamachi. Ambush hunters like the crocodile are immobile almost all the time, so their meat is more like chicken breast.
  
• Muscles that are continuously exercised are loaded with connective tissue and are tough. Muscles rarely exercised are tender. Compare shin, shank and shoulder cuts (tough) with fillet steak (tender).
  
• Cooking technique - fast and hot vs slow and cool(er). Tender cuts can be cooked hot and fast (grill, fry) and be excellent as long as the internal temperature stays below the mid 60s (°C) otherwise you are in well-done territory [EDIT] and that is the 'stringy' texture in OPs question. Tough cuts should be cooked for a long time to break connective fibres to gelatine making the meat juicy and soft. For tough cuts, temperature can go up into the 70s without necessarily making the meat dry. Think southern BBQ and sous vide ribs. Tender cuts are typically less flavourful/meaty than tough cuts. Chicken thighs need cooking longer than chicken breast, so getting a perfect roast chicken, with moist breast and tender thighs is hard.
  
• Impact of diet. What the animal eats can influence flavour heavily. Corn-fed and grass-fed cattle taste different, with grass-fed being a stronger, meatier taste. Free-range chickens are gamier than factory birds. Water fowl and crocodile tastes a bit 'fishy'. Pigeon and quail more gamey. Traditionally, pheasants and other birds were left to 'hang' (with guts in) in a cool but not refrigerated environment until the meat 'matures' and the tail feather fall out. This fermentation is the main reason for really gamey taste. Personally, I hate it and feel there are too many 'off' flavours. [EDIT] the really fishy smell of not-quite-fresh fish is TMA, caused by the (I think, bacterial) breakdown of proteins in the fish. I am not referring to this off-flavour when I mean fishy.
  
• Seasonality: Animals in areas with cold winters tend to lay down fat in autumn to help the animal survive to spring. There's a strong preference to eating those animals in autumn when the fat content (and thus flavour) is the highest. Higher fat content allows more cooking techniques to be used, and allows the meat to be cooked hotter while remaining moist and tender. Hunting seasons are mostly in the autumn.
  
  So, with Leaellynasaurus, we essentially have a wild turkey-like animal in a highly seasonal environment, eating plants in a non-aquatic environment. Hunt them near polar winter to maximise their yummy fat.
  
  As non-farmed animal, its major muscle groups on its rear legs got a huge workout - its legs would be best for braising and stewing and would be rich, meaty and a bit gamey. Its shoulders and forelimbs a lot less, and so would be more chicken-breast-like, but smaller in proportion. Some small, fried pieces like the Japaneae karaage might be nice.
  
  [EDIT] On reflection, the tail might produce both the greatest challenge when cooking Leaellynasaurus, but also the greatest opportunity. The tail - one of the largest dinosaur tails relative to body size - is full of connective tissue, making poorly cooked tail as chewy as tough jerky and less palatable. However, cooked 48-72 hours at 75°C sous vide, it would be like the best ox-tail stew - juicy, tender and incredibly rich in flavour. It could take some really strong herbs and spices to really up the richness into the stratosphere.
  
  This is just my best guess as a cook who's read the excellent On Food and Cooking. I'd say, give Leaellynasaura meat a try if you can, although finding a restaurant for such a delicacy is pretty hard these days.

Note: I am not an engineer, but I do have some suggestions of things you may like.

Books:

• Failure Is Not An Option by Gene Krantz: Great book about the beginnings of the NASA program, Gemini, Mercury, Apollo, and later. Gene Krantz was a flight director and worked as a test pilot for a long time, and his stories are gripping. Beyond engineering and space, it's a pretty insightful book on leadership in high-stress team situations.
  
  
• Kelly: More Than My Share by Clarence "Kelly" Johnson: This is on my shelf but I haven't read it yet. Kelly Johnson was a pioneer in the world of flight, leading the design and construction of some of the most advanced planes ever built, like the U2 and the SR-71. Kelly's impact on the business of aerospace and project management is immense, definitely a good guy to learn about. Plus he designed the P38 Lightning, without a doubt the most beautiful plane ever built ;)
  
  
• Skunk Works: A Personal Memoir of my Years at Lockheed by Ben Rich: A fantastic look at the inside of Lockheed Martin's advanced projects division, the Skunk Works. Ben Rich succeeded Kelly Johnson at Lockheed, so this one is going to overlap with the book above quite a bit. I loved the pace of this one, and it covered a lot more than just the F-117, as the cover would suggest - cool info on the SR-71, U2, F104, the D21 supersonic drone, and stealth technology in general. Beyond that, it provides an inside look at the intricacies of DoD contract negotiation, security/clearance issues, and advanced projects. Awesome book, highly recommend.
  
  
• Elon Musk's Bio by Ashley Vance: A detailed history of all things Musk, I recommend it for the details about SpaceX and the goal to make humans a multi-planetary species. Musk and his (now massive) team are doing it: thinking big, getting their hands dirty, and building/launching/occasionally blowing up cool stuff.
  
  Videos/Games/Blogs/Podcasts:
  
  
• Selenian Boondocks: general space blog, lots of robotics and some space policy
  
  
• Gravity Loss: another space blog, lots about future launch systems
  
  
• The Age of Aerospace: Boeing made a cool series of videos last year for their 100th birthday. Great look at the history of an aerospace mainstay, though it seems a bit self-aggrandizing at times.
  
  
• If you want to kill a ton of time on the computer while mastering the basics of orbital mechanics by launching small green men into space, Kerbal Space Program is for you. Check out /r/kerbalspaceprogram if your interested.
  
  
• Subreddits like /r/spacex, /r/blueorigin, and /r/ula are worth following for space news.
  

Oh god where to begin?

***

Well I Like to think there are level of programming understanding that are relatively tiered.

Tier 1 - How to Code

***
This one is tough as there is no real definitive best answer. My personal primer of choice is

• Sams Learn Java in 24 hours.
  
  > Fyi - , that is not "in one day" that is , in 24, 1 hour sessions equating to a hypothetical 4 college lectures a week lasting a month and a half of intensive training. A huge amount of homework is required to accompany that primer.
  
  so now you can write an app, what next? well. to finish the thought:
  
  
  

  Tier 2 - How to Code...
  

  so other programmers don't want to hit you over the head for each line in your longest function screaming CYCLOMATIC COMPLEXITYYYY
  
  **
  
  Here we talk about how to program properly* You want to be looking up Uncle Bob . Head over to
  
  

• www.cleancoders.com
  
  and check out his video form of his famous book:
  
  
• Clean Code....then buy that book.
  
  Now you should be writing code that doesn't make other programmers eyes bleed.
  
  

  Tier 3 - How to Code..To Solve Problems
  

  ***
  Here we talk about design patterns. Now, you will bump into a lot of debate over their value but...that is stupid. that is like some people saying all carpentry should be done with a saw and another group saying carpenters should never use a saw. Design patterns are names for recognised ways to solve problems you will hit every day in your programming. They may not always work in your case but at worst they will have you thinking around a problem better.
  
  For a primer, check out:
  
  

• Head First: Design Patterns
  
  In fact the entire head first series is great, It is like the For dummies series for programming principles. Great for morons like myself.
  
  With that read, get the real design pattern book:
  
  
• Elements of Reusable...
  
  Don't expect to actual understand almost any of this. I read that book cover to cover and it didn't actual click for me till it slapped me in the face when i was in the real world developing business tier applications. Although having read it so many times meant I new which pages to flip to when I was ready.
  
  

  Tier 4 - How to Code... For Users
  

  ***
  
  This is a whole different kettle of fish. Now you may have written the perfect app to do X with only two buttons, you will find quickly that users are adept at licking the buttons in just the correct order to cause your application to explode. You need to program applications so the cast of jersey shore can use it.
  
  I am a fan of the blog:
  
  

• Joel on Software.
  
  Joel (Co-founder of Trello) covers a lot regarding front facing applications and UX that is required reading...even if he a bit cavalier on his approach to testing.
  
  This is the next part. Testing. You are going to want to Learn about Defensive Programming andTesting. There is a wealth of tutorials over on pluralsight for these.
  
  

  Tier 5 - When NOT to Code
  

  
  **
  
  This is a hard step to get to. Realising that copy and pasting code is GREAT!..but for the right reasons. Once you jump over the initial Copy+paste = the greatest thing in the world barrier , most developers grow a level of defiance that borders on the absurd. Preferring to rewrite the wheel instead of using ...the wheel. When you can honestly say you could* program it from scratch, it is perfectly okay to use libraries and apis.
  
  This is where I go to:
  
  

• www.codeproject.com
  
  and hit up Sacha and others. They show you fairly feature complete and interesting implementations of problems, not just the one or two lines you get from Stack Overflow. Granted this is miles more complicated but it shows not only how to do it, but how to do it right and WHY to do it right. and github of course.
  
  

  Tier 6 - Learning From Mistakes
  

  ***
  
  Now that you have climbed code mountain and are absorbing the combined knowledge of all the internet geniuses, it is time to see where you went wrong.
  
  Head over to
  
  

• http://codereview.stackexchange.com/
  
  and post you functional applications. There a number of people will politely tell you not...how but how to do it better, general improvements in design, logic and reusability. take you through the solid principles and much more. Also..say hello to me if you like :P.
  
  You don't even have to learn exclusively from your own mistakes.
  
  check out:
  
  
• www.thedailywtf.com
  
  and cringe at some examples of real software....and if you don't understand why you should be cringing..learn.
  
  ***
  
  

  Tier 7 - How to think like a programmer
  

  
  Now things get a little bit meta. The best way to become a great programmer? don't JUST read programming. Read books like:
  
  

• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
  
  
• Don't Make Me Think
  
  Read anything and everything, exercise your mind. books on architecture, books on carpentry. any kind of design and problem solving with stretch your understanding of how to climb those brick walls you will hit.
  
  Read some of the more general programming blogs, like:
  
  
• http://blog.codinghorror.com/
  
  Read anything and everything.
  
  

  Final Thoughts
  

  ***
  
  Have fun.
  
  Check out:
  
  

• www.commitstrip.com
  
• www.xkcd.com
  
  and..well..here.
  
  I would also say as a personal suggestion, although i left it out of the mandatories up above as it is a bit controversial, I suggest going TDD. Test driven development. It is not for everyone, a hard ethos to get into but in the real world, in business applicable coding...a life saver. Uncle bob is the man for that again.
  
  Finally I am a fan of Rubber Ducking. Great way to work though problems.
  
  If you want some final reading, I left them out because everyone and their brother has these (and most of the above) in their top 50 programming book lists so it is a mite redundant:
  
  
• Code Complete
  
• The Mythical Man Month
  
• The Pragmatic Programmer
  
• Refactoring: Improving the Design of Existing Code
  
  ***
  Enjoy.
  
  
  
  

Here's another side of the coin. Not necessarily to drag you out of the cult, but just some very awesome, beautiful truths. If you've seen me post this before, i apologize. I don't like to assume everyone reads every thread.

Take some time to learn about the history of the bible. For example, you can take the Open Yale Courses on Religious Studies for free.

Read Who Wrote the Bible by Richard Elliott Friedman

Also read A History of God by Karen Armstrong

Next, learn some actual science. For example - spoiler alert: evolution is true. Visit Berkeley's excellent Understanding Evolution Website.. Or, if you're pressed for time, watch this cartoon.

Read Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne

Read The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins

Learn about the origin of the universe. For example, you could read works by Stephen Hawking

Read A Briefer History of Time by Stephen Hawking

Learn about critical thinking from people like Michael Shermer, and how to spot logical fallacies.


For good measure, use actual data and facts to learn the we are NOT living in some biblical "last days". Things have gotten remarkably better as man has progressed in knowledge. For example, watch this cartoon explaining how war is on the decline..

Read The Better Angels of Our Nature by Steven Pinker

Another great source is the youtube series debunking 1914 being the start of the last days.

I wish you the best. There is a whole world of legitimate information out there based on actual evidence that you can use to become a more knowledgeable person.

You may still wonder how you can be a good human without "the truth." Here is a good discussion on how one can be good without god. --Replace where he talks about hell with armageddon, and heaven with paradise--

Start to help yourself begin to live a life where, as Matt Dillahunty puts it, you'll "believe as many true things, and as few false things as possible."

Here is some advice with a degree of seriousness.

• Buy a high quality laptop: I bought a budget device only to regret it all the while. The price you pay for a device which is going to be ubiquitous in your college experience is a small one, if you look at the entire cost of college.
  
  
• Really ponder about your major. I can't tell you what a small fraction of students actually know the fundamental nature of their major until well into their coursework. If you can visit campus, they have many many different books which draw up an outline of what exactly you are going to be studying. If you live nearby, try visiting the college and see for yourself the nature of the various departments. Switching majors early into college is easy.
  
  
• Read college advice books. some would disagree here, but I see no reason is repeating the same mistakes made by thousands of college students before them. There are a thousands things that I would change about my college experience, but I did the best I could as I went in completely blind. I would recommend some books to incoming freshmen.
  
  

1. The Freshman Survival Guide
   
   
2. Been There, Should've Done That
   
   
3. Procrastination was my biggest issue in college. It is only now (well after graduation) that I realize the importance of a proper system of productivity. The best book I can recommend is Getting Things Done - by David Allen. This isn't some cheesy, feel good self help book. This a solid methodology to address productivity in everyday life. If you implement the method even to a small degree, you will have an incredible amount of benefit in your college life.
   
   

• Get yourself in shape: The college experience has a lot to do with meeting and interacting with people. Your choice of major is definitely a handicap right from the start. But you can help yourself by keeping yourself in good physical condition. And mind you, fitness is a lot more than just vanity.
  
  
• Familiarize yourself with support systems. This applies when you get to the end of your summer. UIUC is literally filled with hundreds of departments, all of them there to help you. Be it health, academics, housing or anything else, there are people who give valuable advice. Because I went in blind, it took a while for me to find my bearing around all these support systems. The Counseling Center is an excellent resource that every freshman should make use of.
  
  
• Thank your High School teachers: If you are amongst the group of people who had a fulfilling high school experience, make sure to thank those who made it possible. Have lunch with your favourite teacher/coach. Tell them how you are thankful for their contributions. Believe me, my mom's a teacher. It'll mean a lot to them. I know it will be hard for you to understand this, but the predominant majority of your friends from high-school will become irrelevant in you life through college. So make sure you don't forget the people who really matter like family, teachers and community leaders.
  
  
• Learn something different: You'll have the entire 3-4 years to learn things in your major. So take time out to learn new skills, that have nothing to do with your major. Welding, dancing, painting, photography, etc. Exploring interests is something that you won't have time for later on in life. So make best use of it when you can.
  
  
• Finally, relax! College is going to be a blast. An experience you have no idea of at the moment. So there is little point in worrying about it. Don't get all up in your head and worry about the future. You are going to fall, over and over again. But you will also learn how to pick yourself up, and that is what is going to make a real individual out of you.So savour those things which you will soon start to miss. Explore your hometown, eat at your favourite local restaurant, go on a road trip with friends, spend time with family. Enjoy!

Sure, I’d be happy to share.

I’ve only selected courses for semesters 1 & 2 for now. If there’s interest, I can update my list later on.

To give some context, my intention is to specialize in International Trade at the level of small to medium sized business. So while these first couple semesters are pretty standard business fundamentals, in semester 4 you’ll notice I start to choose courses based on developing specific skill sets that are applicable to my objectives.

I’ve ignored several courses which would be important for someone looking to get a complete and well rounded business education, but don’t seem critical for my goals.

Some courses I’ve skipped: Ethics (lol), Information Systems, Project Management, Calculus, Econometrics, Corporate Finance, Political Economics, Cyber Security, Human Resources.

Okay, on to the curriculum...


---

Academic Foundations (Optional Prep Courses)

I am about to embark on a lengthy 1-2yr education so for me it makes sense to brush up on academics skills as force multipliers for my efforts later on. This section is totally optional though and not part of any business school curriculum.

Academic Foundations - Memory & Effective Learning

Courses:

• Learning How to Learn @ UC San Diego or…
  
  
• Mindshift @ McMaster University
  
  Books:
  
  
• The Memory Book - Harry Lorayne, Jerry Lucas
  
  
• The Four Hour Chef - Tim Ferriss
  
  
• How to Read a Book - Mortimer Adler
  
  Other Resources:
  
  
• Anki (spaced repetition software)
  
  

  Academic Foundations - Productivity
  

  
  Books
  
  

• Getting Things Done - David Allen
  
  Other Resources:
  
  
• Pomodoro Technique
  
• How To Read A Book In A Single Day (short article w/ actionable speed reading tips)
  
  

  Academic Foundations - Writing
  

  Book
  
  

• Elements Of Style - Strunk & White
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 1
  

  
  

  Business 101
  

• Business Foundations @ UBC
  
  

  Math - Algebra
  

• Kahn Academy Math Tutorials
  
• Maths Essentials for MBA Success @ Imperial College London
  
  

  Accounting
  

  
  

• Financial Accounting Made Fun @ Babson
  
• The prof has had a long and impressive career and he truly does make the subject more engaging through telling the story of a fictional business in little movies
  
  
• Alternative 1: Accounting: Principles of Financial Accounting @ IESE Business School
  
• The prof is engaging and likeable and also teaches through the story of a fictional business. I like this one too.
  
  
• Alternative 2: Introduction to Financial Accounting @ Wharton
  
• This seems to be the most comprehensive of the accounting courses but not as engaging. I figured a more comprehensive course is not going to benefit me if my enthusiasm and retention of information suffers so I skipped this one. If you are naturally smarter than me or have a longer attention span, this is probably the best introduction to accounting course for you.
  
  

  MicroEconomics
  

• [Principles of Microeconomics @ MIT] (https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/economics/14-01sc-principles-of-microeconomics-fall-2011/)
  
• This introductory microeconomics class is one of the most popular that MIT has made available, and is taught by Prof. Jonathan Gruber. He’s been teaching there for 20 years and is an extremely prominent economist who helped design Massachusetts’ groundbreaking health-care reform.
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 2
  

  
  

  Marketing
  

• An Introduction To Marketing @ Wharton
  
• Taught by three of Wharton's top faculty in the marketing department, consistently ranked as the #1 marketing department in the world, this course covers three core topics in customer loyalty: branding, customer centricity, and practical, go-to-market strategies.
  
  

  MacroEconomics
  

• Principles of Macroeconomics @ MIT
  
  

  Finance
  

• Finance for Everyone: Smart Tools for Decision-Making @ MIT
  
• Not sure this course is going to be sufficient for business school but I really wanted to learn from Prof. Gautam Kaul and since his Introduction To Finance course seems to have been discontinued at Coursera I am going to roll the dice on this one. Look for something else if you want to make sure you’re prepared with a solid finance background for business.
  
  

  Math - Statistics
  

• Analytics For Decision Making @ Babson
  
• I chose Statistics instead of Calculus after watching this TED talk and reading this article
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 3
  

  
  

  Operations Management
  

  
  

  Supply Chain Management
  

  
  

  International Business
  

  
  

  Game Theory
  

• Game Theory @ Yale
  
  

  Strategic Thinking/Decision Making
  

• Effective Problem-Solving and Decision-Making @ UC Irvine
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 4
  

  E-commerce
  

  
  

  Product Design
  

  
  

  Opportunities in Developing Economies
  

  
  

  Management/Leadership
  

  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 5
  

  Negotiations
  

  
  

  Entrepreneurship
  

  
  

  Global Supply Chain Management
  

  
  

  Pricing
  

  
  

  International Business Law
  

  
  

Okay so check out www.trello.com - it's free and it's a great way to organize projects.

It utilizes the ideas behind the "kanban" system (which is basically a large board with columns and tasks in each column that is put up at an office so the entire place can see which things need to be done, which things are in progress, and which things have been completed). Kanban itself is great at limiting your amounts of works-in-progress so your brain isn't so scattered.

Trello takes that idea of a system, makes it more flexible, since you can have different "boards" which contain "stacks" of "cards." (Obviously all digital but based on the real life physical versions, with more power.)

You can open the card, add a description, add attachments, add checklists, label the card, give the cards due dates, assign cards to people (even your spouse if you're trying to move or plan a vacation), comment on things, and basically get EVERYONE on the same page of a project without a bunch of that back and forth between emails, phone calls, and not knowing who is doing what. Here's a blog post on how to manage a move with trello with your SO, as an example.

The cards can also be moved from stack to stack, so it can go from to do, doing, and then done - or you can name the stacks whatever you need based on the project. (Like if you want just a stack of some ideas to go through for a project before putting it on a "to-do" stack. But all stacks can be named and renamed, so you're never stuck.)

There are options that you can turn on if you need them, such as card aging (see how long a card has been on a project), or even voting on a card (like you have a list of vacation ideas for your family, you can have them vote on the place they'd like to go, or even vote on the places that everyone wants to see during the vacation for prioritizing.)

It's simple to use but it has SO many options for how to use it. It really depends on what you need! You can also sort boards into different organizations, so I've got one for my photography business, one for my blog, one for my hubby and I, one for a large creative project I'm working on that is it's own organization, one for my friend's business that I'm helping her with, one for all my websites and graphics work, and so on. Each organization has various boards, so for my websites and graphics work, I've got a different board for each website/project that needs to be worked on.

Heck even for personal stuff, I've got a board dedicated to reading more so I have a list of books I want to read, which one I'm currently reading, which one I'm completing. Or a board for GIFs - one stack for all the movies I want to make into gifs. From there I pick one, make a stack for the individual movie, and then keep track of the bits of gif I want to make.

Okay so for this project with my boss, I'm making a website for our company. It involves LOTS of content, and a big problem was messaging back and forth to figure out which pictures she had sent me and which things she needs to send me.

Originally, I'd have to individually go through it by my email and find all of them, and even then the pictures are all labels like abc1.jpg abc2.jpg for example, so not really well organized. This system, we have a card for each section that requires unique pictures, and so she uploads all those specific pictures to the card. If a picture is too small or there's something weird with it, I can comment on it. If there is something with the pictures group she wants changed, she'll add it to the card's checklist. This way, we both know what we have and what is needed without a bazillion back and forth emails/ims/phone calls as it is smack-dab-visual-in-your-face.

OKAY that is my epic speech about Trello. It's my homebase for projects. Since I'm using the "getting things done" system for emptying my brain out, my process is this - use Google now on my android and say "okay google, note to self - do such and such and such" - and I use toodledo for my uber-to-do-list for optimal brain emptying (GTD is about having a "mind like water" - the guy's motto is "your brain is for creating ideas, not storing them" and so you get EVERYTHING out of there that you're wanting to do, and I mean literally EVERYTHING so it's not eating up your mental ram).

The "note to self" function on google now is amazing because it makes my process even quicker now - the first time you use it, it allows you to pick an app that you want to place the idea at. So all of my ideas go into toodledo, then I do a weekly review to sort them into folders and etc. Then I pick a few things from each folder and put it on my "on dock" Trello board - which things I'd like to get done as part of my "daily seven" and then move one item at a time to "currently working on" - so I'm much more focused (even when I'm not, I can come back to focus on what I'm working on instead of OMG HERE ARE ALL FIVEHUNDREDBILLION THINGS I WANT TO DO WHICH ONE AHHHHH.) So... thems my productivity secrets. :D

PS: If you're the type who has lots of brain power and have lots you want to do/accomplish, I also highly recommend reading "getting things done" - it's like $10 and it's great. I think it's pretty adaptable to, based on who you are - a lot of business people do it, but I'm a creative and a business person, so I use it for my "stuff to get done" but I also use it to store ALL of my creative ideas for photo/graphics projects I might want to do, so if I come up with brilliance, I can just store it in toodledo for later. :D

I see some good advice people have already given you.

Here's mine:

1. Read recipes just for the sake of reading them: If you take pleasure in cooking, then reading recipes will be fun as well. Even if you don't make them, it gives you some general knowledge about cooking and different processes. It's a bit like picking up another language by watching movies or listening to music. Every bit helps. I have some cookbooks on my nightstand.
   
   
2. Books and resources I highly recommend:
   
   Buzzfeed's food section - lots of good advice and recipes there, amazing walkthroughs and tutorials, too, for all levels
   
   Epicurious's Quick and Easy Section
   
   Jamie Oliver's 30 minute meals Jamie Oliver has a book and series out, showing you how to make an entire meal in 30 minutes. Sure, I think it might take you about an hour instead of 30 minutes, if you're new to cooking, but this series is geared towards simplicity and speed, while not making any compromises when it comes to cooking. The food IS delicious indeed. It's also full of great food hacks, useful even for advanced cooks. Get the book, I recommend it. (He also has another one, Jamie's 15 minute meals, with even simpler ones)
   
   Nigel Slater's Real Food and/or Appetite Two great books which show you how to cook simple, basic things at home, with a great twist. Bonus points: The guy is an amazing writer.
   
   Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything This one is a classic. Get it.
   
   Mark Bittman also has a famous series on youtube for the NYT here Check it out
   
   
   
3. Clean your workspace and prep your meal before you begin cooking. It will save you lots of time and frustration.
   
   
4. Clean as you go along. Nothing is more frustrating than cluttering your kitchen with dirty bowls and utensils until you have no space to move around. You spill something? Wipe it now.
   
   
5. Taste your food as you cook it. Goes without saying that you don't taste things like raw chicken until it's cooked, but taste and adjust seasonings always.
   
   
6. Master the basics first. I'd recommend mastering simple things like cooking eggs, grilled cheese, soups, pasta first. Then move on to more complex things, like doughs, etc.
   
   
7. Don't be afraid of herbs and spices. Read up on what the basic classic combinations are, then go crazy and experiment. You'll get the hang of it soon enough.
   
   
8. Eat what you've made, even if it isn't great, and think about how you can improve it next time. Is the bread too tough? Maybe you've added more flour than needed. Too bland? Add more salt next time, etc.
   
   
9. If you go into baking, be extremely careful with substitutions. Baking is an exact science, unlike cooking (mostly), so it's not very forgiving to swapping ingredients at leisure.
   
   
10. Weigh your ingredients (esp. when baking)
    
    
11. ENJOY and share your food with the people you love
    

Where to begin? In general, you can start by reading up about this. One well recomended book is Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships and The Ethical Slut. I think reading about this would help you inform yourself about non-monogamy and help remove your bias, even if this lifestyle is not for you.

About that. You had one relationship that didn't work out too well, and then made a blanket decision about everyone who's non-monogamous because of that. That's not fair, it would be like being mad at all waiters because one gave you bad service, or hating a gay person because one gay person was inappropriate and aggressive towards you, or hating a race or nationality of folks because you had a bad experience with someone of that race. Your one non-monogamous experience with your ex is not indicative of all non-monogamous people or all non-monogamous relationships. You are not in the position to judge someone else's life path, you don't have enough information to do that. Some folks may be emotionally broken and unable to control their sexual impulses but they don't have to be non-monogamous to have these issues. There are plenty of non-monogamous folk that are cool, emotionally healthy and grounded, and respectful of their primary and secondary partners, just as there are folks who have healthy monogamous relationships. Blanket judgement doesn't help you wrap your head around the problem.

All that said, based off of your little post here it seems to me you are just getting to know this new lady, and you're talking about what interests you both sexually. You like her, and you want her to be happy, but you have to consider yourself as well. You may not be the kind of person who can handle a non-monogamous relationship. You may do everything right, communicate, make sure mutual trust is established and maintained, reassure each other when you're feeling insecure or inadequate, and still not be emotionally ok with the situation. We have to honor ourselves as well as be good giving and game to our partners. If you ignore those twinges and don't at the very least talk about what is bothering you, those feelings will fester. If I were to make a guess that might be a part in why the last relationship didn't work out.

At the beginning of every relationship trust needs to be established and built on, this may mean you will need her to be monogamous with you for a time. Maybe not forever, but for you to feel secure you need to know her and build that trust (and to give yourself time to learn more and to roll this around in your head). She may not be ok with that, she might want to start open and stay open always. If that's the case you two are not compatible, and that's ok. Better you find out now than to get yourself all twisted over something that will never work out. My point is that for you though, you clearly need time to establish trust and security at the very least, and you may never be emotionally ok with having your own relationship be open. She may be ok with that. Y'all need to talk this out and be clear about what you're ok with. Be clear with yourself too. You don't have to have all the answers, but you should at least be honest with her about what bothers you about this. Maybe you can work it out, but saying nothing will most likely lead to this not working out. Communication is the key to all successful relationships.

Good Luck

I would like to encourage you a little and liberate you from the thought that a good designers must "be creative" (i.e., good at making things look pretty).

Form and function. Web design is primarily about function (i.e., problem solving). Form plays a lesser role and can be highly subjective. As a general principles, so long as form does not hinder function and is not needed to communicate a particular message (e.g., elegance, happiness, anger, etc.), then good-enough form is good enough.

Consider Craigslist. It's an ugly website. It's not going to win any good-looks awards. Yet, people are not leaving in droves because it solves a problem (i.e., post, search, and review classifieds) and does so well.

On the flip side, there are many beautiful websites that are functionally defective.

Good designers solve problems. If you want to learn good design, I'd recommend a few courses:

• Graphic Design Specialization [Coursera]
  
• Interaction Design Specialization [Coursera]
  
• Game Design Specialization [Coursera]
  
• User Experience Research and Design MicroMasters [edX]
  
• Intro to the Design of Everyday Things [Udacity]
  
  You can take all of these courses and specializations for free. (Make sure you select the free option if that's your preference.) They will help you learn "design thinking" from three different perspectives.
  
  A really good book on usability (function) with wide applicability is Don't Make Me Think by Steve Krug. A good book on graphic design basics is The Non-Designers Design Book by Robin Williams.
  
  Sadly, most web "design" books focus on teaching HTML, CSS and JavaScript rather than design, so I can't provide any good resources specifically on web design. (Maybe others can fill that void.)
  
  However, the benefit of approaching design from a variety of perspectives and in a variety of contexts is that it helps you learn how to "think design." Seeing design thinking play out across areas reinforces the basic design principles and practices and makes it easier to apply them to web design.
  
  If you are more interested in form, then I'd recommend looking into studio art classes (e.g., drawing, painting, photography, digital imaging, etc). (Alternatively, you could follow courses on YouTube for these.) While these sometimes focus more on technique, they'll help you learn how to dissect what you see. You'll learn to see objects as shapes, lines, textures, shades, hues, etc. Combine that knowledge with good technique (e.g., drawing, HTML/CSS, Photoshop, etc.), and it becomes easy to make things look nice.
  
  Also, don't neglect creativity. One of the best books on creativity that I've ever come across is Sparks of Genius: The Thirteen Thinking Tools of the World's Most Creative People. While it's a long read, it provides you with some great tools to use to "spark" creative thought.
  
  Hope that helps.

A Word of Caution on Inspiration Galleries

Seeking inspiration (ideas) is perfectly acceptable, but it must be done so cautiously. Too often, people fall into the trap of simply copying the sources of inspiration because it looked nice.

Instead, it's helpful to study the source of inspiration. Which components are interesting? Why were they used? What problem was the designer attempting to solve with them? Once you understand why those components were used, then you are better positioned to decide if they help solve your design problem.

It's also helpful to remember that no two design problems are the same. Sure, you're a bank and we're a bank, but we have different needs, target different audiences, have different value propositions, different brands, and so on. Thus, our design solutions will necessarily differ.

Some Helpful Resources

As for helpful resources, I would start with a video from Flint McGlaughlin on the inverted marketing funnel. You're probably already familiar with the funnel concept from marketing, but he describes it as fulfilling a sequence of "micro yes" points. If you have a good understanding of how the user moves through these "micro yes" moments, then it can help you decide where to choose and place elements on a page. For example, should your call-to-action be above the fold? Do you need pictures? Are stock photos okay? And so on.

Going more in-depth, I would recommend looking to The Elements of User Experience by Jesse James Garrett. You can find lecture videos from him on YouTube covering the ideas.

Another book on the essential reading list is Don't Make Me Think, Revisited by Steve Krug. It's a fantastic book on usability and user experience.

For a slightly more graphic design bent, although still applicable, I would recommend The Non-Designer's Design Book by Robin Williams. It will help you understand the basic components of graphic design which can be applied to web design.

What all these resources do is give you a basic framework through which you can make better design decisions.

Design is fundamentally about problem solving. You are not creating a design simply for the sake of the "design." You are creating a design to accomplish some goal. This is true of graphic designer, web design, user experience design, interaction design, and even industrial design.

I am in the same position you are in. Love cooking, no formal training, but love the science, theory and art behind it all. I have a few books that I find to be indispensable.

• How to Cook Everything and How to Cook Everything: Vegetarian by Mark Bittman are two of my favorite recipe books. Loads of pretty simple recipes, lots of suggestions for modifications, and easy to modify yourself. Covers a bit of technique and flavor tips, but mostly recipes.
  
  
• CookWise by Shirley Corriher (the food science guru for Good Eats!) - great book that goes much more into the theory and science behind food and cooking. Lots of detailed info broken up nicely and then provides recipes to highlight the information discussed. Definitely a science book with experiments (recipes) added in to try yourself.
  
  
• Professional Baking and Professional Cooking by Wayne Gissen - Both of these books are written like textbooks for a cooking class. Filled with tons of conversion charts, techniques, processes, and detailed food science info. Has recipes, but definitely packed with tons of useful info.
  
  
• The Art of Simple Food by Alice Waters - this is not much on theory and more recipes, but after using many of the recipes in this book and reading between the lines a great deal, this taught me a lot about how great food doesn't require tons of ingredients. Many foods and flavors highlight themselves when used and prepared very simply and this really shifted my perspective from overworking and overpreparing dishes to keeping things simple and letting the food speak for itself.
  
  And mentioned in other threads, Cooking for Geeks is a great book too, On Food and Cooking is WONDERFUL and What Einstein Told His Chef is a great read as well. Modernist Cuisine is REALLY cool but makes me cry when I see the price.

Short answer:

> "People want an authority to tell them how to value things, but they choose this authority not based on facts or results, they choose it because it seems authoritative and familiar." - Michael Burry; The Big Short.

> Why don't any of the people around us understand bitcoin? Why do they ignore it? Why do they refuse to look below the surface?

Because critical thinking consumes energy, and is not pleasant. Whenever we learn new things we have to fire up parts of the brain that we don't use as often.

For example: Learning to drive a car is a stressful and unpleasant time because your brain is fired up learning all the new skills, at once. After a few years you can drive without even thinking.

It's called Fast Thinking and Slow Thinking, slow thinking being when you are learning new skills, material, ideas etc., and fast thinking when you can do things automatically.

In short: People, all of us, don't like to think slow.

Long answer:

There's a book on the subject Thinking, Fast and Slow by Deniel Kahneman

> Major New York Times bestseller
> Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award in 2012
> Selected by the New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011
> A Globe and Mail Best Books of the Year 2011 Title
> One of The Economist's 2011 Books of the Year
> One of The Wall Street Journal's Best Nonfiction Books of the Year 2011
> 2013 Presidential Medal of Freedom Recipient
> Kahneman's work with Amos Tversky is the subject of Michael Lewis's The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds

> In the international bestseller, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman, the renowned psychologist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional; System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacation―each of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions.

> Engaging the reader in a lively conversation about how we think, Kahneman reveals where we can and cannot trust our intuitions and how we can tap into the benefits of slow thinking. He offers practical and enlightening insights into how choices are made in both our business and our personal lives―and how we can use different techniques to guard against the mental glitches that often get us into trouble. Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award and the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and selected by The New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011, Thinking, Fast and Slow is destined to be a classic.

Tldr: stop comparing, create your own path and be your actualized self.

you need stop comparing. True humanity is being humane. Nothing more. All those things you just listed are things people do to get some satisfaction and in the process we have made them ideals and therefore unreachable standards. Just think about how much ads we see a day, how we are trying to impress the others to look above average. The classical ideals of fame and fortune are utopian.

The thing to realize is that 90% of all humans are average in every aspect, 5 % exceeds expectations and meets the actual standards, the other 5 % is below average and don't have that great odds to get a more humane live. I am talking about genetics here, not about external factors like culture and location. This is evolution.

Where others don't have adhd, the chances are pretty high that they lack in other areas, think handicaps or other health issues or anything that one can hinder in being his true self.

I believe we need be proud to be average this makes us humble and thankfull for that wich we do have. Even the smallest things like seeing or thinking.
It can be hard to strive to those standards we are always trying to reach, for if not those ideals what else has meaning in life?

A tree. A tree is a tree, and nothing more. A bird is a bird nothing more. A amoeba is a amoeba. That's how nature works. Humankind is the only species among with a few other primates that strives to change its self into something else, something more. Why? Why should we do that? No one ever got happy from it and only suffered and made others suffer. That's what's most sports and war is all about.

So I say let us practice the 'modern' stoic way. Don't say I am in it to win it. But internalize your goals. Make it. I am Going to try to do my best. And what is your best? That's being the truest form of your self. See the difference? When you are in it to win it your serenity depends on something you don't control. It's better to put it somewhere you do have control over, like your expectations. Your own personal standards.

Humanity is being human. And you are you. So stand in it. Practice your actual self. With your abilities and disabilities. As is. Accept that. Do not compare it against society. Think of it like you are the only one on earth. How would you feel about your actual self if this was the case?

This is not something I figured out my self but the ancient Greeks and Roman's already lived this way thousands of years under the movement of stoicism.

I mainly got these techniques and thoughts out of this book wich I really recommend, it's a bit though but if are interested in the history is a good read else you can skip to part 2 or 3 of the book the guide to the good life - the ancient art of stoic joy by William Irvine

An other more modern take on certain aspects of stoicism is the subtle art of not Giving a fuck - an counterintuitive approach of living a good life

Note: self help books only help if you are open to them and want to read them, not if you are urged by an external peer to read them

especially for people with adhd these really help and give some solid techniques on how to handle life. It made me so much more confident in my self. From being a shy r/niceguys pushover to an independent man who knows how to love himself and not get upset by daily life. All the while being actually happy, content and innerly calm and serene.

First off, it's totally ok to be vanilla. If you're truly not interested in rough sex, that's totally legit. You shouldn't feel guilty or pressured.

The absolute first step is to talk to her. You've got to be honest and communicative in your relationships, especially on sensitive issues like this.

As far as where to go after that, you have a couple choices here. If you're willing to entertain the idea of rougher sex, then there are resources that can help you. I've never personally read When Someone You Love is Kinky, but the authors are amazing and I've heard good things. You could pop over to /r/BDSMcommunity and get some advice over there. You could get on Fetlife and get advice there. There are lots of people out there who understand these issues really well, and they can help you work through it.

Ask her what she specifically wants you to do, and see if you can imagine doing it for her pleasure, as a service to her. If you recognize that what you see as unpleasant, she finds pleasurable, it might help you deal with it. Maybe you'll even eventually get into it. You obviously have some serious issues with violence, and maybe consensual and loving play with the appearance of violence will help you process it. But maybe not.

If you decide that you just can't give her what she needs, you've essentially got three choices:

You could see whether she's willing to give up the idea of rough sex. If it's just a passing fancy, that might not be a big problem. If it's a bigger part of her fantasy life, however, it might not work so well.

You could also break up with her. Sexuality is really important, and it's not shallow to break up with someone for sexual reasons. I get the impression you don't want to do that, however.

The final possibility is that you could discuss ways she could get her kinky needs satisfied without your involvement. An open relationship can go a long way towards fixing issues with sexual compatibility. There are a whole range of possible relationship designs that might work better for you than ordinary monogamy. On one end of the spectrum, you might find that you two take to polyamory easily, and just go all the way towards openness. On the other end, you might be able keep a lot of the normal structure with a couple tweaks. I know a lot of people who are generally monogamous, but who are allowed to engage in BDSM play under certain conditions (nothing involving genitals is a pretty normal rule, but you can choose the rules that work best for the two of you).

If you decide to go that route, come talk to us in /r/polyamory. The two best books are generally considered to be The Ethical Slut and Opening Up.

Hello and welcome! Indoctrination in most cults can leave a person bitter about the world around them. Learning the actual facts about reality, the universe, and humanity is a good way to counter those negative feelings in my experience. Not sure how much of this applies to you, but here are my recommendations for de-indoctrinating yourself:

Take some time to learn about the history of the bible. For example, you can take the Open Yale Courses on Religious Studies for free.

Read Who Wrote the Bible by Richard Elliott Friedman

Also read A History of God by Karen Armstrong

Watch this talk from Sam Harris where he explains why "free will" is likely an illusion, which debunks the entire premise of "the fall of man" as presented by most Christian religions.

Watch this video on the Cordial Curiosity channel that teaches how the "Socratic Method" works, which essentially is a way to question why we believe what we believe. Do we have good reasons to believe them? If not, should we believe them?

Watch this video by Theramin Trees that explains why we fall for the beliefs of manipulative groups in the first place.

This video explains why and how childhood indoctrination works, for those of us born-in to a high-control group.

Another great source is this youtube series debunking 1914 being the start of the last days.

Next, learn some science. For example - spoiler alert: evolution is true. Visit Berkeley's excellent Understanding Evolution Website. Or, if you're pressed for time, watch this cartoon.

Read Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne.

Read The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins.

Watch this series where Aron Ra explains in great detail how all life is connected in a giant family tree.

Learn about the origin of the universe. For example, you could read A Briefer History of Time by Stephen Hawking.

Learn about critical thinking from people like [Michael Shermer] (http://www.ted.com/talks/michael_shermer_on_believing_strange_things?language=en), and how to spot logical fallacies.

For good measure, use actual data and facts to learn the we are NOT living in some biblical "last days". Things have gotten remarkably better as man has progressed in knowledge. For example, watch this cartoon explaining how war is on the decline.

Read The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined by Steven Pinker.

Watch this Ted Talk by Hans Rosling, the late Swedish Statistician, where he shows more evidence that the world is indeed becoming a better place, and why we tend to wrongly convince ourselves otherwise.

I wish you the best. There is a whole world of legitimate information out there based on actual evidence that you can use to become a more knowledgeable person.

You may still wonder how you can be a good human without "the truth." Here is a good discussion on how one can be good without god. --Replace where he talks about hell with armageddon, and heaven with paradise--

Start to help yourself begin to live a life where, as Matt Dillahunty puts it, you'll "believe as many true things, and as few false things as possible."

tl;dr: Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything is the best cookbook to get as a beginner, because we expect international and vegetarian recipes along with the old meat and potatoes standards. More subjective reasoning follows below.

I think one of the most important things when selecting a universal cookbook early on is the quality, yet simplicity of the recipes, and how well things are explained. If you make something, as a beginner, you need to know it is going to turn out good, so when you return to the same cookbook later, you are confident the next recipe will be as high of quality. It is also nice to get compliments from others on your cooking, and a well made cookbook can assure this.

Julia Child's cookbooks are certainly of a very high quality, but French cuisine is not suited for beginners, or even novices, IMO. The Joy of Cooking has an enduring legacy brought from its quality of recipes and consistency, and is great for those mainstay dishes that haven't changed in 100 years (Silver Palate Cookbook, Fannie Farmer Cookbook are others in the Joy of Cooking realm). The problem is, tastes have changed since Joy of Cooking came out. It managed to incorporate the introduction of a few international food crazes into its pages, namely Italian and French. The Chinese it incorporates (eg. Chow Mein, etc) are nothing like what we expect from Chinese food today. Let alone Thai, Indian, Japanese, Mexican, Mediterranean, and so on. We Americans today have a much more different palate (fresh/local, international, vegetarian, etc) than what the Joy of Cooking incorporated, even in its most updated versions.

Therefore, I nominate a new Joy of Cooking, for modern times. Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. It hits every one of my barometers for a perfect cookbook. Delicious, easy recipes, of high quality. It is very dense in terms of number of recipes per page (not one recipe, with its photo on the facing page), yet easy to read, because one recipe is accompanied by 3-5+ variations to greatly modify it (eg. rice pilaf recipe, becomes Mexican rice, becomes whole grain pilaf, etc). Everything, from technique, to selecting vegetables/meats/etc., to improvising basics a la Alton Brown is covered. The recipes cover a wide gamut, from vegetarian/vegan, to international cuisines across the globe, to the mainstay standards (with interesting variations to improve/change them). And EVERY single recipe I have made for someone else has garnered wonderful compliments, and has been the best I have made to date.

Do you have an undergraduate degree already? If not, I was under the impression that GI Bill only helps you with one degree. Considering an MBA requires you have an undergrad degree to apply and be accepted.. if you don't have that undergrad degree now, don't expect the government to pay. I could be talking out my ass on that though.


"Survive comfortable" will depend largely on the school and location. Private school vs public school, city vs college town. Further thoughts I have here... The price tag on your education does not entirely translate to value. Look at the school's brand and student/faculty base. The education is important, but you are paying largely to be a part of the 'network'. Some networks are more respected than others, and some are more helpful and readily willing to offer jobs to one another.


I don't know what your living situation has been like while you've been in but if it has been the barracks life with restrictive rules be weary of once you come out and get that freedom to do as you please back. While I don't mean you deny yourself certain pleasures, just don't go crazy. I'm sure you know how it is to be on leave with all that pay sitting in the bank... just waiting for you to get home and play with it.


What was your job in the military? What did you think of that job? Is it something you could see yourself doing for a career? You stand in a strong position if it is something more technically oriented, or science based. You've got something a lot of college students around you won't have. EXPERIENCE! If you can expand on to the educational part of the field you stand to be in a great position out of school. And on that note, look at getting a degree in a STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) field. This as an undergrad and later augmented with an MBA would give you a strong bridge to the business side if it something you'd desire later on.


And here's a book I wish would've came out before I went college, hah. So Good They Can't Ignore You - Cal Newport TLDR - Find your passion is bad advice and potentially detrimental. People love what they do when they're good at it.


Hope this was helpful and sorry if it sounds more like a ramble. Just two cents from a 23 year old that has been out of school for a year

Edit: Continue to stay away from debt.

I went to one AA meeting when I first got clean and never went back. I understand people have found support and success in it but to me, personally, I felt it only increased the stigma of drug addicts as these broken hopeless people barely hanging on by a thread. It's an outdated system that relies on little science or attempting to progress the participants and relies more on holding people in place and focusing on the past. Instead I just worked towards becoming a normal person. Here are some of the resources I used:

r/Fitness - Getting Started: Exercise is probably the #1 thing that will aid you in recovering. It can help your brain learn to produce normal quantities of dopamine again as well as improve your heath, mood, well being and confidence.

Meetup: You can use this site to find people in your area with similar interests. I found a hiking group and a D&D group on here which I still regularly join.

Craigslist: Same as above - look for groups, activities, volunteer work, whatever.

Diet

This will be the other major player in your recovery. Understanding your diet will allow you to improve your health,mood, energy, and help recover whatever damage the drugs may have done to your body.

How Not To Die Cookbook

Life Changing Foods

The Plant Paradox

Power Foods For The Brain

Mental Health

Understand whats going on inside your head and how to deal with it is also an important step to not only recovery but enjoying life as a whole.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

The Emotional Life Of Your Brain

Furiously Happy

The Science of Enlightenment: How Meditation Works

Educational

If you are like me you probably felt like a dumbass when you first got clean. I think retraining your brain on learning, relearning things you may have forgot after long term drug use, and just learning new things in general will all help you in recovery. Knowledge is power and the more you learn the more confident in yourself and future learning tasks you become.

Illegal Drugs: A Complete Guide to their History, Chemistry, Use, and Abuse

Why Nations Fails

Ideas: A History of Thought and Invention, from Fire to Freud

The Modern Mind: An Intellectual History of the 20th Century

Thinking, Fast and Slow

The Financial Peace Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Restoring Your Family's Financial Health

Continued Education / Skills Development

EdX: Take tons of free college courses.

Udemy: Tons of onine courses ranging from writing to marketing to design, all kinds of stuff.

Cybrary: Teach yourself everything from IT to Network Security skills

Khan Academy: Refresh on pretty much anything from highschool/early college.

There are many more resources available these are just ones I myself have used over the past couple years of fixing my life. Remember you don't have to let your past be a monkey on your back throughout the future. There are plenty of resources available now-a-days to take matters into your own hands.

*Disclaimer: I am not here to argue about anyone's personal feelings on AA**

Hey, I'm a CG Lighting artist by trade, I'll let you know some good resources that have helped me.

As a lighter, your goal is things things, Setting the mood/atmosphere, Shaping (making sure you can make out forms of the scene), and Leading the eye (I feel like there is a fourth, but I can't think of it this morning lol)

Some good books to read:

Color and Light: A Guide for the Realist Painter

Light for Visual Artists (hard book to find, but worth finding a copy)

Digital Lighting and Rendering(new edition coming out soon)

Great resources to start and help train your eye, studying films is the next step. Picking apart scenes to understand how and why they lit the scene the way they did, studying photography is a great place to look as well.

Also if you can afford it, TD-U has a fantastic online course from a couple of great instructors to help you on your way of understanding CG Lighting. If you can afford the class it will be a great place to start. I took the class last year and it was an AMAZING resource, I didn't know anything beyond the technical understanding of lighting, this course really helped me understand the artistic side of lighting. The instructors are great and very helpful.

anyways, hope that helps, if you have any questions feel free to message me.

I did cloth for my first and half of my second, then switched to throwaways toward the end of my second and third kid.

The thing that will get you off of them is extra time and effort. They take up more space, are harder to manage when you have 3 kids running around, and make a lot more laundry. I found I had to do a load every other day or the smell would be not very fun when putting them in the washer.

I found pockets were the best at stopping leaks and keeping baby happy and dry, but required most effort, all in ones took more drying time but had less hands-on time while doing laundry, but sometimes leaked if baby had a heavy night, and weren't always as good at wicking away moisture as the pockets were. I only used prefolds for the infants, but if I had larger ones I might have preferred those over the pockets since they are the least time consuming of the three. Also you can reuse the covers, just wipe, dry, and put in a new prefold. Great when you are changing them every hour because they won't. stop. pooping.

I used Charlie's Soap, and we still use it for all our laundry. Our first had really sensitive skin and when we got Charlies for the diapers, we used it for a couple loads of her clothes and her skin looked much better almost right away. It's pretty good soap. We get it from Amazon delivered every month, I'd recommend it. I don't know how good it is at disinfecting.. but we've never ever had a problem with it. We used BAC-OUT from biokleen every couple of washes to help with the smell, as Charlies was great on normal laundry but after a few washes diapers get a faint odor that I didn't like. Also you need to do a special wash every once in a while, I forget what it's called but I'm sure you'll see it.

As you can see... washing is the big thing. It's the main thing that turned me off to them. If I didn't dislike laundry as much we would be using them for number 3.

Best of luck! I'd recommend a book too, nothing to do with diapers, but it's fantastic for your first kid. I give it to all my friends when they have one. The Baby Owner's Manual

Trust me, it's fantastic and totally worth 10 bucks, but you can find it cheaper on Amazon some places. I found it for 3 bucks at a local bookstore, so a bought more than one :)

Reeves is crap paint. Try using it up as a paint you sketch with rather than finishing a whole piece with it. The reason why economy (or student) quality paints such as Reeves are not so great (even for beginners) is because if you try to do any sort of color mixing with them, you end up with mud. Reason why is because the pigment to medium ratio is poor (less pigment and more fillers/mediums in the tube than a more pricey brand). I teach art classes to beginners and I am now requiring that they purchase artist-grade acrylics, oils or watercolours for class. Here's a bit of a shopping list for you... obtain the following: Golden-brand paint in these colours: Hansa Yellow Opaque, Quinacridone Magenta, Phthalo Blue (Red Shade) or Ultramarine Blue, Burnt Umber or Burnt Sienna, Zinc White and Titanium White. Also, pick up some Golden Acrylic Glazing Medium (Gloss) or Retarder Medium to mix into your colours instead of adding water. Adding water to acrylic polymer emulsion paints breaks down the paint, therefore resulting in a less saturated, washed-out or "dull" surface. You can mix water with watercolour paints, but try using acrylic mediums such as the glazing medium instead of water. The paints I mentioned and the medium will run you about $60-$70 depending on where you live (the stuff is cheaper in the USA). If you have any questions at all about art materials, please message me and I will answer your questions. I've worked in art supplies for a some years now and have extensive product knowledge about the stuff.

As far as composition goes, I get my students to use their own photographs only. The reason is because if you take photos off the net (even though you are giving your painting away this time around), the composition has already been solved for you, so you aren't learning much when it comes to that. Use your own photos and crop them using a viewfinder window to obtain a composition for your work. Oh, and also another good practice tip would be to sketch out at least 5-10 different compositions in thumbnail format in a sketchbook (using a pen or pencil or whatever you want). That way, you will have a nice little plan before starting on a canvas.

It is always best to draw or paint from life when you can, but when you can't get outdoors to paint, be sure to stick with your own photos (or composites even; you could do this in Photoshop and then print it out).

When mixing, do not use black. I say this because it is good to learn colour theory, and then make up your mind whether or not you'd like to use black to darken areas. Complimentaries create neutral grays, so for example: Red & Green, Blue & Orange, Yellow & Purple. Theoretically, you can mix equal parts of any two complimentaries and obtain black. Add white and you get grey. Zinc white is a good one to start with because Titanium White can be overpowering. Try mixing both whites together in order to create a "Mixing White" and then use that when tinting (tint = adding white to a color). Another little trick to obtain black (and subsequent grays) is to mix Ultramarine Blue and Burnt Umber. You can mix Ultramarine Blue and Burnt Sienna to create a warmer black/grey.

And now, for some books that you simply must purchase and read through! I'm real picky when it comes to good art instruction books... so here are my recommended selections :)

Color & Light by James Gurney

Landscape Painting by Mitchell Albala

Composing Pictures by Donald Graham (Disney's art instructor for many years)

Carlson's Guide to Landscape Painting by John F. Carlson - written in the 1920s, this is THE DEFINITIVE book on landscape painting. The man's writing is sharp, witty and to the point)

One more thing... failure and criticism from others (and yourself) are your friends. Failure will drive you to create better work, and criticism will help you know where you aren't doing so well. Praise is great, but it can be extremely dangerous because if too many people praise you and not many give suggestions then where are you at exactly? You won't know if you've made a mistake (especially if you are just starting out).

Quantity (and quality) are everything... paint paint paint! Paint one a week or even daily if you can! Create your next post on Reddit when you've completed 30 paintings. Seeing your progress would be nice. Start a blog to keep track of your progress. Also, try and enroll in a night class at your local art university/college. Take the basics like Life Drawing first.

Oh, and... paint for yourself, first and foremost. Do not give a shit about "is this going to sell?". Do not care. Just do it for yourself. And don't be afraid to create something out of your comfort zone (pure abstraction or something with shocking subject matter).

Good luck!

Hopefully I'll give a bit of a different perspective here. First, I'm a male dating a female who is married to a male, so I have some experience with this. I completely understand where you're coming from here. Your emotions about this can be changed with a few important, albeit tough, decisions from you.

Right now, your "mental programming" is in a space of jealousy, no matter whether is light or heavy jealousy, you're still feeling somewhat possessive of your BF. Think of it this way: It's your birthday. You get a birthday cake. Are you going to keep it all for yourself, or are you going to share that delicious cake with everyone who is at your party? This is a bit of an obvious one, you want to share the good thing in your life with the friends you have here at your party. Now let's narrow that down a bit. You have an awesome guy that you can call "boyfriend", and you get to share that awesome experience with someone who thinks he's awesome too. You two have something in common; you both think this guy is awesome.

First, pick up a copy of Tristan Taormino's Opening Up. This is a great manual to all of the feelings and communication you need.

And especially since we're in the Poly subreddit, I'm surprised that more people haven't pointed you towards compersion. First, you need to become comfortable with your poly/mono situation. The rest of this will never work out until you do. Next, you need to find some solidarity/love/like with your metamour (your BF's GF). You would ideally consider her a friend, or at least find solidarity in the fact that you both love and care for this man. At that point, you may start to feel, as many friends do, like giving a gift to your friend. How about the gift of getting your communal boy all riled up? The caveat here is that you have to genuinely have the thought of giving behind your actions. You can't say to yourself that "He's having sex with you, but I'm the one he's thinking about". Thats kind of shitty. You have to genuinely be giving about the situation.

A recent example of my own from this week: GF and I don't get much time together because of conflicting work schedules, so maybe 2-4 hours together twice a week. Her husband works at home, and is on the phone a lot, so sex is kind of troublesome to schedule. We go out shopping or some such for an hour or so, and when we get back we get some cuddling in. (We're both champion cuddlers and need like 30 mins a day of good solid loving cuddles.) When we kiss goodbye, I'll sometimes give her a small orgasm by playing with her, and then intentionally send her to her husband to get some playtime. And he and I are on the same level about this thing. She gets worked up and I have to leave, so he takes over and they have a great time. Yes, I orchestrated that, but I'm not throwing him a bone, I'm genuinely giving a gift to both of them.

In closing, it will take time, but if you are committed to being a good partner to a poly person, you may want to consider intentionally working to create compersion in your relationship.

Sorry for the novella, lol. :)

Ah, it seems we have just filled those positions! Apologies to get your hopes up, that was bad timing. We will need more UI designers later this year - most likely in late Summer. Perhaps this is better suited for you anyway so you have time to prepare an application!

Adobe XD is a must - the fastest "basic" prototyping I've ever experienced. I've pushed it's use through our studio and it's producing awesome results (at least till InVision Studio comes out!). After Effects is optional but an invaluable tool for communicating bespoke animations for the programmers.

Really, as long as you can apply good UX practices to your designs, consider different player experiences at all stages, and can create something awesome in XD / Photoshop / Illustrator that is enough.

Some relevant books from the top of my head:

• Game Development Essentials: Game Interface Design - https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1133134750
  
  > Basic, good for references to how other games implement UI. Gets you thinking about all the necessary interactions and states required for effective communication
  
  
• Don't Make Me Think, Revisited: A Common Sense Approach to Web Usability - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0321965515
  
  > Old but gold. Remains the most solid book for understanding UX for software applications of all time. Still relevant to games, particularly on PC.
  
  
• The Gamer's Brain: How Neuroscience and UX Can Impact Video Game Design - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gamers-Brain-Neuroscience-Impact-Design/dp/1498775500
  
  > Very good for understanding basic psychology without delving too deep, and applying those fundamentals to game mechanics and common player behaviours.
  
  There's plenty more non-game specific design books that are fantastic. I can send more examples if you like via DM.
  
  I tend to watch a lot of YouTube channels too that create game design-specific content. Tends to be more detailed about mechanics and user experience. Nothing too UI heavy (There is a sever lack of game UI video content online) but will help you get into a game design mindframe:
  
  
• Super BunnyHop - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWqr2tH3dPshNhPjV5h1xRw
  
• Game Maker's Toolkit - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqJ-Xo29CKyLTjn6z2XwYAw
  
• Raycevick - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1JTQBa5QxZCpXrFSkMxmPw
  
• Errant Signal - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm4JnxTxtvItQecKUc4zRhQ
  
• Game Array - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIr5cIzrkBIOwMCxJVJOx7Q
  
  Finally, some good reference sites to look up inspiration and ideas when you want to work on a new element:
  
  
• http://videogameinterfaces.com/
  
• http://www.gameandtype.com/screenshot/
  
• https://ilikeinterfaces.com/
  
  DM me if you want extra details. Good luck!

Let's dismantle your friend's arguments:

> Because something can't come from nothing...

Prove it. If he can't, his argument already falls apart. People assume that "something can't come from nothing" is a fact, but what evidence backs this up? Every single human being has been surrounded by "something" for every instant of his or her existence. Not once has any person experienced absolute "nothing". Thus any statement about the properties of "nothing" (besides being self-contradictory, as "nothing" cannot have properties) is complete and total Making Shit Up. This is begging the question.

> ...there had to be a being intelligent enough to create it

If something can exist without prior cause, then clearly prior cause is not always needed for existence. Therefore the demand that the universe have a prior cause is unreasonable. Furthermore, the universe is not a "thing" - it is the set of all things. Assuming that the whole must have the characteristics of its parts is the fallacy of composition.

> Because god exists outside of science, he doesn't need a scientific explanation.

"Outside of science" is a nonsensical statement. Please define or stop using this. Also, this is special pleading.

> The chances of abiogenesis occurring is 1 in 10^40,000. Most statisticians agree that these chances are far too improbable for such a thing to occur that it's essentially impossible.

This is Just Plain Wrong. The chance of abiogenesis occurring is not 1 in 10^40,000; people who think so are basing their beliefs off junk science and junk math. See: here for details. By the way, the whole "most statisticians agree..." is a ploy by your friend to hide the fact that he just pulled a random unsubstantiated number (10^40,000) out of the air and expects you to accept it.

>Nearly all genetic mutations are big and negative...

Again, Just Plain Wrong. See this and this. Your friend needs to do a little more research.

> ...therefore evolution having mutations that are small and positive is nearly impossible.

Your friend is showing his ignorance regarding evolution. Mutations are neither positive nor negative without context. A mutation which is helpful under certain circumstances is harmful under others. See the previous two links for more.

> Everything in nature seems perfectly designed for human beings.

Yep, cancer, natural disasters, predators, odorless toxic gases, plagues have all been perfectly designed to suit human beings. Toss your friend alone and naked into the wilderness and see how far that "perfectly designed" environment takes him. Better yet, toss him into the 99.99999999% of the universe that is not Earth and see how long he survives.

Furthermore, saying that "everything looks designed" is self-defeating. Ask your friend to show you an example of something which is not designed. Let's say he suggests X. Point out that, according to his beliefs, God did in fact design X, thus your friend has demonstrated an inability to tell the difference between things that are designed and not designed. In addition, if literally everything around us is designed, then he very concept of being designed loses all meaning (in the same way that theists like to say that good without evil loses all meaning).

> There's no way to explain that/the complexity around us with mutations.

Again, does not understand evolution. He should read this before making more ill-informed statements.

> There had to be a creator.

Even if this were true (it's not, given that every single thing your friend has said above is utterly wrong) - but even if this were true, there's nothing that says that this creator is anything like human notions of "God".

Fuck it man, I feel like dropping a bunch of tips I have off the top of my head. Disorganized style.

I was a complete loner up until middle school. Found some guys that picked on me, but otherwise let me hang around them. I was the butt of their jokes, but that was enough for the attention. Then highschool came around, blah blah blah, really my point is, I know what lonely feels like. I haven't been long-term lonely for ages, but its a familiar feeling when it hits and I haven't talked to any friends for a week or I get left behind on weekend plans.

Here's my tips, in no particular order. This isn't a prescription, this isn't goddamn instructables. Also, I'm going to assume you're a man. Well, today you're a boy, but what you want to be is a man. (not like manly vs womanly, but like manly vs childish)

• Exersize. Build your testosterone. It's natures little motivation, attractiveness, happiness drug, and you don't need any shady dealer to get it, just work out. (also, if you're a gamer, think of testosterone as mana. Masturbating takes away your mana. Keep 'batin' and you'll never have full mana)
  
• Value your hobbies and encourage yourself towards the ones you like that are more social. Don't change who you are or stop painting warhammer figures, the point is to load up on conversational ammo; which is my next point:
  
• When you do things that make you happy, don't just smile to yourself, make it a habit to say to yourself, "OH MAN I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT THIS!" If you're nervous, or just aren't terribly excited about sharing this with a person, practice on your dog, or a sock puppet. NOT YOUR SNAKE PUPPET YOU SICK FUCK, READ POINT 1
  
• Study things like How to Make Small Talk or learn body language because chances are you're missing out on a ton of the non-verbal and sub-text conversation that people, on a daily basis, have when meeting one another.
  
• Give self-improvement a shot /r/seduction, /r/getmotivated, /r/socialskills, or any of the fuck ton of other awesome communities reddit supports. A lot of them circlejerk or have pointless crap, but I know from my own experience there is a lot to offer if you really dig around and read, read, read.
  
• Once you've got these basics down, step up to more detailed things like, practicing your hygiene, fashion, and weekend activities. If you don't think those are important or relevant, you are without a doubt not aware of their connection to how people treat you. Go read on /r/loseit about how people transitioning from 250lbs to 150lbs notice how they're treated differently EVERYWHERE THEY FUCKING GO.
  
• Realize that there is never just one tip or quick fix for any significant frustration. It takes dedication and motivation (READ POINT 1) across many disciplines to truly truly become anyone you want to be.
  
  Where should you start? I want you to read this. specifically (and if its the only part you read that's good enough) part in the very beginning titled "MEET STYLE". Yes, the book is The Game. It is a super controversial book on the seduction community, and take it with a huge fucking grain of salt. Ultimately though, the book offers a great way to approach a problem of social frustration, but the specific 'seduction' methods are a mix of misguided and out of date. (That's not the section I remember reading, I'll try to find what I was thinking of, its some manifesto to self improvement) It was the one book that kicked off changing my social environment entirely. I now feel successful, happy, and confident to talk to any strangers and develop new friends. Also, no exceptions, watch the 1999 film Fight Club.
  
  MAKE TODAY THE DAY YOU FOUND THE RABBIT HOLE; TAKE THE RED PILL.

Some of the best I've used:

Story by Robert McKee -- As its title indicates, this book takes a look at story construction from a more theoretical perspective. McKee works mostly in the realm of screenplays but the ideas he puts forth are universally applicable and have already helped my writing immensely -- story itself was one of the big areas where I was struggling, and after reading through this book I'm able to much better conceptualize and plan out thoughtful stories.

Stein on Writing by Sol Stein -- if McKee's book is written from a theoretical perspective, Stein's takes a practical look at how to improve writing and editing skills. The mechanics of my writing have improved after reading this book; his examples are numerous and accessible. His tone may come off as a bit elitist but that doesn't mean he doesn't have things to teach us!

On Writing by Stephen King -- A perennial favorite and one I'm sure you've already received numerous suggestions for. Kind of a mix of McKee and Stein in terms of approach, and a great place to start when studying the craft itself.

Elements of Style by Strunk & White -- King swears by this book, and although I've bought it, the spine still looks brand new. I would recommend getting this in paperback format, though, as it's truly meant to be used as a reference.

Writing Excuses Podcast -- HIGHLY recommended place to start. Led by Brandon Sanderson, Howard Tayler, Dan Wells and Mary Robinette Kowal, this is one of the places I really started to dig into craft. They're at Season 13.5 now but new listeners can jump in on Season 10, where they focus on a specific writing process in each episode (everything from coming up with ideas to characterization and world building and more). Each episode is only 15(ish) minutes long. Listening to the whole series (or even the condensed version) is like going through a master class in genre fiction.

Brandon Sanderson 318R Playlist -- Professional recordings of Brandon Sanderson's BU writing class. Great stuff in here -- some crossover topics with Writing Excuses, but he is a wealth of information on genre fiction and great writing in general. Covers some of the business of writing too, but mostly focuses on craft.

Love this idea - hopefully I've sent a couple you haven't received yet!

• "On Writing," by Stephen King (http://amzn.com/B000FC0SIM) - The first half is a good biography, and the second half is great insight into how Stephen King comes up with his stories. Not just the genesis of the story, but that actual "I sit down and do this, with this, in this type of environment." And then what to do when you finish your first draft. He is very critical of plotting, though. If you disagree with him about that, it's still good for everything else.
  
  
• "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White (http://amzn.com/020530902X) - This is a handy little book for proper grammatical and prose rules. How to write proper dialogue, where to put punctuation, and how to structure sentences to flow in an aesthetically pleasing manner.
  
  
• "Stein On Writing" by Sol Stein (http://amzn.com/B00HFUJP5Y) - I just picked this book up, so I haven't finished it--but it seems to be a little more in depth than Stephen King's On Writing. For instance, it looks more at not just what makes a good story, but what makes a good story appealing to readers. So whereas Stephen King preaches a more organic growth and editing process to write a story, this one seems to be more focused on how to take your idea and make it a good story based on proven structure.
  
  Honorable mention:
  
  
• "The Emotion Thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman (http://amzn.com/B00822WM2M) - This is incredibly useful when you're "showing" character emotions instead of "telling" the reader what those emotions are. For example, "He was curious," is telling the reader the character is curious. "He leaned forward, sliding his chair closer," is showing the reader that he is curious.
  
  
• I think it's easy for writers (myself included) to get too wrapped up in studying writing, or reading about writing. The best way to improve your is to write more, whether it's fiction or non-fiction, articles or short stories, novels or book reviews. The same principle applies to most skills, art especially. While reading about the activity certainly helps and is probably necessary at some point, you're going to just have to perform the activity in order to improve. Imagine reading about running more than actually running to practice for a marathon. Or reading about flying instead of getting hours in. Or reading about piano theory instead of actually playing piano. But if you're coming from nothing, it would probably help to read those three books before starting in order to start practicing with a good background right away, instead of starting with nothing and winging it on your own.

I think part of the problem is really that people are looking at only granular parts of problems today and don't have enough historical context. Its useless to follow every story about everyone and every little thing. There are lots of ups and downs in politics and there's no reason to be so reactionary to every single new and probably manufactured "scandal".... that's what's exhausting. I like to keep updated on a few big issues, I follow the careers of a few people I find inspiring (and follow a few that do things that worry me), and spend the rest of the time reading up on topics in book form... they have the advantage of being written over time, and with more vigorous standards for accuracy. The news, while still important where immediate info is necessary, is essentially click bait now. You don't need to get caught in the rip tides that pull you everywhere constantly, just understand the general trajectory of the important things.

edit: to those curious about some book recommendations: I'm by no means an expert in anything really, and the books you read should really be about the topics you personally are interested in, so don't take my word as gospel (or any author's). I like American history, ancient history, international relations, and though I think they're more boring I force myself to read about the health care system and the American education system because I feel they're important. I'm also looking to read some books on the military industrial complex and cyber security/ big data because I don't really know anything about them other than the stuff I see in passing on the news or here on Reddit. So if anyone knows a good overview of those issues, feel free to let me know.

• For a good start on human history and the beginnings of modern economics/ intl relations (basically why the West has historically dominated), try Guns, Germs, and Steel I believe there's also a documentary if the book is too dense for your taste (it is pretty dense).
  
  
• Perhaps if you're interested in why people get so damn heated talking politics, The Political Brain: The Role of Emotion in Deciding the Fate of the Nation
  
  
• If you wonder why people vote against their own social and economic interest: What's the Matter with Kansas? How Conservatives Won the Heart of America Full disclosure: I liked this book, but I lean left. I'm not sure if it matters, the point of the book is just to track how the Republican party went from being the party of elites, to the party of blue collar workers.
  
  
• If the Supreme Court interests you at all, I liked Jeffrey Toobin's, The Nine
  
  
• The achievement gap? Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria
  
  
• Health care? There's a lot, but this one is an easy read and it compares the systems of Britain, Japan, Germany, and I believe Cuba (which is very good for their GDP!) and the US's. The Healing of America: A Global Quest for Better, Cheaper, and Fairer Health Care by T.R. Reid
  
  This is just some stuff I've listed off the top of my head. Another thing that I find helpful to better understanding intl relations are books about the major genocides of the past few decades, which are hard to get through (because of the brutal content) but... What is the What (Sudan), First they killed my father (Cambodian genocide), Girl at War (more of a autobiography, but still chilling) there's a couple of others I've read that I can't remember now.
  
  Anyway, just go to Good Reads and look at Contemporary Politics. Perhaps Great Courses has a political philosophy course too that you can draw from if you wanna go even farther back into the origins of society's structure and political thought.
  
  Also podcasts! I've just discovered these but there's a lot of audio content (FREE!) that you can listen to on your commute and whatnot. I like Abe Lincoln's Top Hat right now.
  
  Edit edit: wow thanks for the gold!!

Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman


Major New York Times bestseller
Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award in 2012
Selected by the New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011
A Globe and Mail Best Books of the Year 2011 Title
One of The Economist's 2011 Books of the Year
One of The Wall Street Journal's Best Nonfiction Books of the Year 2011
2013 Presidential Medal of Freedom Recipient
Kahneman's work with Amos Tversky is the subject of Michael Lewis's The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds

In the international bestseller, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman, the renowned psychologist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional; System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacation―each of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions.

Engaging the reader in a lively conversation about how we think, Kahneman reveals where we can and cannot trust our intuitions and how we can tap into the benefits of slow thinking. He offers practical and enlightening insights into how choices are made in both our business and our personal lives―and how we can use different techniques to guard against the mental glitches that often get us into trouble. Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award and the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and selected by The New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011, Thinking, Fast and Slow is destined to be a classic.

https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow

You have quite a few misconceptions about evolution. I am a former creationist myself, and everything finally "clicked" for me reading Jerry Coyne's book "Why Evolution is True". If you are serious about your questions, I'd encourage you to read it.

My answers to your questions:

1. Evolution doesn't have a "goal" in mind. Changes happen naturally (mutations), but they will only stick around in a population if they are adaptive in some way (better for the creature). It's pretty cool that evolution eventually produced us, but this was not inevitable in any way, nor an "end goal" of evolution.
   
   
2. Not sure if you are looking for a literal crocoduck or something, but we have tons of transitional fossils (in a way, all fossils are transitional). Coyne's book talks quite a bit about evidence of whale evolution, where transitional fossils are very clear.
   
   
3. Physics is descriptive, not prescriptive. It is simply a description of how things work, it's not a set of rules imposed from someone else that matter has to obey/follow. So it didn't have to "be in place" before anything.
   
   
4. In our view, Earth appears to be very well suited to support life (us, specifically). But this is actually backwards, we were shaped (by evolution) to be perfect for life on this earth. It's like a puddle saying "this is an interesting hole I find myself in, it fits me rather neatly, doesn't it?" (courtesy of Douglas Adams). Regarding life on other worlds, space is pretty big, so lots of people expect to someday find a planet somewhere else out there that could also support life. The fact that we don't yet have the technology to find them doesn't mean they aren't there.
   
   
5. If you want to be precise, the Big Bang was more like a very rapid expansion of stuff, but I don't have a problem describing it as an explosion, as long as you don't use that analogy to make other unwarranted assumptions.
   
   
6. Some other primates do have sharper teeth and claws. How a particular trait in a specific creature evolved is mostly speculation, but I could see situations where higher intelligence would be an evolutionary advantage over physical prowess.
   
   
7. I used to be a Christian. I am an atheist now because I examined my faith in great detail, and concluded that it didn't hold up to scrutiny. I am open-minded though, if we see evidence that suggests that God is real, I'd be willing to consider it.
   
   
8. To borrow from Matt Dillahunty: I want to believe as many true things, and as few false things, as possible. So the only thing that would make Christianity more attractive is if I had any reason to suspect it was actually true.

I've been here a few times in my decade-long career.

To start, this isn't something that only happens to junior developers. Trying to approach a large existing code base can be a real challenge, even when you have lots of experience.

You're not going to understand the whole application in a day. Probably not even in a week, and probably not even in a month. On some large code bases, I've regularly run into new code *years* after I first started working on the application.

What I've found helpful is to pick a small part of the application; preferably one that's related to a feature you're trying to add or a bug you're trying to fix. Find what looks like the entry point of that small part of the application. In a web app, it could be a method in a controller class. Or it could be a method in a service class somewhere.

Once you've found that entry point, read through the code one line at a time, and try to make sure you understand what's happening at each point. If the method you're in calls another method/function, jump to that and go through it one line at a time. On code that's particularly complex, I'll grab some sheets of lined paper, and devote one sheet to each method I go through.

As I go through each method, I'll write out the whole thing by hand as pseudocode. In order to do this, I have to understand what the code is doing. Some people might find it more effective to do this in a text editor. I find that there's something about the process of physically writing it out on paper that really helps cement my understanding.

Now, the whole writing out part isn't worth it if you just need to go in and do a quick bug fix. But if you've been handed responsibility for a chunk of code and you'll need to understand it deeply, I've found it to be a useful approach. I think it can still be helpful even if you're not solely responsible for a piece of code, but will have to work on it heavily.

Start by deeply understanding one important part of the code. Then move on to understanding another important part. Soon, you'll start to see patterns and understand how these important bits of code fit together.

If you're not yet sure what the important parts of the code for you to understand are, then a good way to find out would be to look at the repository's commit history to see which files have the most commits over time. The places that change the most often are likely the ones *you* are going to have to change, so they are a good place to begin. You can find instructions on how to do this here:

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/5669621/git-find-out-which-files-have-had-the-most-commits

That assuming your code is in a Git repository. If you team uses Mercurial, you can look up instructions on how to do the same thing. If your team uses Subversion or heck, even CVS, you can probably accomplish the same thing. If your team doesn't use source control at all, then start spiking your morning coffee with rum or Kahlua because that will make your job significantly less painful.

For a look at using Git commit history to find the most important code - and the parts with the most technical debt - I enjoyed a book called Software Design X-Rays.

I've found the book Working Effectively with Legacy Code to be quite helpful in showing me different ways to approach an existing code base. Even if you don't apply all of the techniques the book suggests, I think it's still useful for finding out ways to find 'seams' in the code that you can use as points of attack when refactoring, adding features, or even just choosing a place to start learning a new bit of code.

If your employer will let you expense the cost of eBooks, you might find these interesting. If you can get access to Safari Books Online, both these books are available on there, along with a metric ton of great software development books. You might not need to pay for it - in my city, everyone with a public library account can access Safari for free. Maybe it's similar where you are?

Also, if you have a particularly frustrating day, feel free to come on Reddit and send me a DM. I might just have some useful advice. And if I don't happen to have useful advice on a particularly topic, I'll at least be able to come up with an on-topic smartass remark that will help you laugh and feel better about the code that frustrated you.

The purpose of frugality is to save money in some areas of your life so that you can live the life you want. What are your goals in life? If you want to travel, travel. If you want an iPhone, get an iPhone. If you want to learn to fly, learn to fly. If you want to buy a house in 5 years, save! I want to retire pretty early and build a house, so I am saving/investing a large portion of my income like you.

It sounds like you've got this Frugality thing down pretty well, so here are some Personal Finance basics:

1. Start an emergency fund in a new savings account with 3-12 months of expenses. Don't touch this unless there is an emergency (job loss, car repairs, etc.). This will keep you from acquiring any debt and allows you to be bold with your savings/investment and other life goals.
   
   
2. Take advantage of any/all tax-advantaged investment vehicles that Australia offers. (American equivalents would be 401Ks, Roth IRAs, etc.)
   
   
3. If you've made it this far, all you have left to do is live your life. You're making all the right decisions, so do what you want. Save for a house or a car, start a family, give to charity, take time off from work, travel, etc.
   
   
4. If you don't know what you want, continue to save, save, save so when you DO find out you can do what you want. If you can max your retirement accounts every year, you'll be well on your way to financial security. But those are your retirement savings, and you won't be able to utilize them for a while. So your best bet is to save and invest a large portion of your remaining income - this will ensure that you will not have to take on any additional debt and can save thousands if not hundreds of thousands along the way (think paying cash for a house vs. a 30 year mortgage)
   
   I would also start reading some about personal finance. It sounds like you might benefit by reading Your Money or Your Life - it's a good philosophical read for those that are thinking about a money/life balance. For a little motivation to keep up your frugality, try The Millionaire Next Door - It's pretty eye-opening and I recommend that to everyone regardless of their personal finance goals. For starters in investing, The Boglehead's Guide to Investing is great, and a lot of the information can be found free at the wiki.
   
   Good luck!

Heh, sure.

A lot of people are fans of Code Complete. I tried reading it after being in industry for a decade, and I found it to be very dry and boring. The general consensus from people that I've talked to is that it's more useful when you're just starting out. Maybe I just came to it too late.

A better book (in my opinion) in that same vein is Clean Code. Clean code is shorter, more focused, and has better real-world examples. It feels less "complete" (hue hue) than Code Complete, but to me, that's a strength. As a quick point of comparison: Code Complete devotes 32 pages to the chapter on identifier naming; Clean Code devotes just 14.

I got a lot out of Design Patterns. I seem to recall that the pattern fad was in full swing back when I read this in 2005-ish. I think I had independently discovered some of the patterns already at that point, but this book helped me to codify those ideas and also showed me some new ones. Some of these patterns are now seen as antipatterns (I'm looking at you, Singleton!), and all of the patterns have an object-oriented bias. But there's still something useful in the pattern language, and this book is a reasonably comprehensive start. The book is somewhat dry, and some people report that Head First Design Patterns is a gentler and friendlier introduction. Head First Design Patterns hits the essential patterns, but misses a lot of the less popular ones.

Eventually, you'll need to work in a codebase with some technical debt. Maybe it's debt that somebody else put there, or maybe it's debt that you introduced. Working Effectively with Legacy Code is still my go-to recommendation. It defines technical debt as code that is not under test, it introduces the idea of "seams" that you can use to pry apart code that's too tightly coupled, and it then provides a cookbook of specific scenarios and reasonable approaches.

If you're looking for thought-provoking videos, I recommend anything by Rich Hickey. I don't know if I've watched all of those, but I remember good things about Hammock Driven Development and especially Simple Made Easy.

Get comfortable with a source control system. I didn't use source control in college, since it wasn't needed for any classes, and that was a missed opportunity. The whole world loves Git, so you'll probably want to learn it if you haven't already. But I'll also toss out a recommendation for Mercurial. I haven't used it in years, but I remember finding it to be quite good.

Good luck!

So, we have an enlarged amygdala because of our thinking. Our ancestors learned to fear everything, this caused the over evolution of it. So yes evolution is environment and biological mixed, you can’t have one without the other. The first single called organisms that sensed light (from the environment), did better than those that didn’t. However if there wasn’t any light they wouldn’t have. If we as a people all started working on neocortex growth this would eventually trickle down. The biggest issues in our society are caused by our failure to evolve as quickly as our society has. We no longer have to fear lions, triggers, and bears, but our amygdala is operating on this old fear system.

However we very much can learn to chill the fuck out, and it starts with addressing our thoughts. The best way to do this is through mindfulness. I personally have in depth understanding of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and mix it with mindfulness. It work so well I wanted to learn where mindfulness originated from. This lead me to Zen. So I would recommend anything mindfulness related to start you on your path. Crazy enough you’ve already been exposed to it through some of the red pill (they are good about using wisdom from others and dressing it up like there own). Two really good books are the subtle art of not giving a fuck and everything is fucked both are by Mark Manson. He is very good at mixing eastern philosophy and psychology in a way that makes it very understandable.

You seem to view her as an extension of yourself and your own status. This is faulty logic. She (like you) are complete and whole on your own. See in life when it comes to sexual relationships we have three choices. Don’t have any experience, have an in depth experience, or have a breath of experiences. None is better or worse than another, they are just different. Choose going alone and you avoid having to ever compromise anything but you’ll always feel like an outsider on some level. Choose an in-depth experience and you lose out on variety and can get boring, but you have a real chance at true intimacy (I say chance because a lot of relationships don’t make it, because it can take 15-30 years to get there). Lastly choosing a breath lets you have a lot of experience and never gets boring, but you have no chance at true intimacy.

So for most of human history women were only allowed to choose between no experience or in-depth. This lead to a lot of suicide, early death etc. Now women are as free as men, but unfortunately not all men have evolved past women being property or just an extension of self. They can’t see that everyone is playing their own game.

I use the analogy of broad games. Everyone is playing their own board game and thinks everyone else is playing the same one. However they aren’t we are all playing different ones, and can never see others persons game. So say your playing monopoly and I am playing chess. I look over at you and get mad that your not moving your pieces like chess, your not playing by my rules. Yet how could you? Your playing a totally different game. This is the truth of everyone no matter how much you love them or how long you’ve been together. I am my husband are playing different games and that just fine as long as I respect his, and he mine.

Having multiple partners isn’t god or bad. It’s just having more partners. What I mean is do you like your girlfriend now? Because if you do you must thank all her past experiences, sexual or not. This is because we’re all just our accumulation of our past experiences. You take away any experience you change the person.

I would humbly suggest you start viewing your girlfriend as a complete person worthy of love and respect like we all our regardless of past. Also stop putting your worth in external things like status, ideas, beliefs. I am no less worthy of my husbands love because of my past. He still loves me and see me as equals because he respects my humanness. He doesn’t believe my past has any bearing on our future (because it doesn’t). He especially does not see me as an extension of himself.

Try the books they can really help.

You want to be able to have sex with other people AND keep your relationship with your girlfriend. I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have a girlfriend who is willing to try to make this work with you, despite the fact that it isn't something she wants. The vast majority of people would respond to this with an outright "No." or end the relationship completely.

Your girlfriend is giving up a lot for you in order to make this work. She is losing the sense of security that a monogamous relationship brings; she is putting herself at risk of having her feelings hurt and having to deal with the jealousy that this is likely to cause her. She is putting a huge amount of trust in you to:

• be mindful of her feelings
  
• be completely honest with her
  
• practice safe sex and not give her an STD or impregnate someone else
  
• not develop feelings for someone else and leave her
  
  You owe it to this woman to not break her trust. You owe her complete honesty and good communication. You owe it to her to make good decisions and be mindful of her feelings. Even if you having sex with other people will likely be hard on her, there are still things that you can do to minimize this---and one of those things is reinforcing her trust in you by things like a) not lying to her or hiding things from her, and b) making every effort to not neglect her needs and feelings.
  
  You've already failed. You lied about where you were going, you hid it from her when she called you, and you neglected her when she was in a time of need (if you had been honest with her, you may not have been able to get there as soon as she wanted you to be there, but you could have given her the piece of mind that you were dropping everything to come and be there for her). Instead, you made her feel like you were just "too tired" to be there for her in a time of need.
  
  There's a good chance that you've ruined your chance to have an open relationship with this woman, or in the very least, you've made it 100% harder than it already was by breaking her trust.
  
  And after all of this, you have the balls to say that you're angry and resentful about this (her friend died, ffs, and that's no one's fault and not something that can be helped). Look, I totally get that you were looking forward to this and now you feel disappointed, but you need to get your priorities straight. What's more important to you, a weekend of fun... or being there for the person you're supposed to care about when they're in need? There will be plenty of opportunities to have fun in the future, but your girlfriend needs your support now. It's not the kind of thing that waits until a convenient time, and knowing that your partner is willing to be there for you when you need them... well, isn't that one of the main reasons why people get into relationships to begin with?
  
  Honestly, if you would have handled this situation maturely, this could have actually been a huge positive reinforcement for having an open relationship. If your girlfriend knew that you went to the festival (with the possibility of meeting other woman), but you dropped everything to come and be with her when she needed you, you would be showing her that she is your priority and that you aren't going to neglect her needs. Experiences like that can go a long way in terms of building trust and comfort in an open relationship.
  
  Now, it sounds like you did drop everything to go and be with her, but the fact that you lied about where you were is going to overshadow that. (And please, please, please don't tell your girlfriend, "Well, I did drop everything to come and be with you". You don't deserve a cookie for your behaviour, so don't try to justify it by giving yourself a pat on the back for something you SHOULD do regardless.
  
  In my opinion, I think that the two of you should end things. You're not mature enough to be in an open relationship, and it doesn't sound like it's something she wants anyway.
  
  However, if the two of you decide that this is something you really want to make work, you need to:
  
  

1. Come clean to your girlfriend.
   
2. Admit that you made a mistake and handled things immaturely, and sincerely apologize.
   
3. Work on your communication with each other.
   
4. Discuss boundaries and expectations.
   
5. Educate yourselves. There are a lot of good resources about open relationships; they can help you develop realistic boundaries and expectations, better communication, and a better mindset and understanding of how to make this work.
   
   Recommended reading:
   
   The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (book)
   
   Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships (book)
   
   morethantwo.com (website)
   
   (Note: some of these resources are more geared toward polyamorous relationships, but they still have a lot of good information for any kind of nonmonogamous relationship).

So...don't tell anybody, but I read a self-help/business book (all my friends were doing it) and have actually found it really helpful. Have you read Getting Things Done?

The main insight from this book that I found helpful is that the way I was making a to-do list was all but worthless because it contained quite a lot of vague things I felt like I should be doing something about. I (and apparently most people) just don't work that way. He suggests setting aside time to think very clearly, "What is the next concrete action for this, and when/where does it need to be done?" The "next actions" list is what you want to have in front of you to initiate activities. So, for example, if you want to send your Grandma a card and you write down "card to Grandma," but you don't have a card and you don't have an address and you haven't written the card, then you can't send a card to Grandma. Your next action is "Get card" - and preferably you'll have that in a place where you can easily combine it with any other errands. If you don't have an address, then another next action is, "Email (or call) Mom to get Grandma's address."

An almost therapeutic practice that this guy has clients do when they're overwhelmed with mental stuff is to get a stack of index cards or post-it notes, a designated "inbox" (can be a huge cardboard box or the middle of your room or your desk) 100 manila folders, and a filing box/cabinet, and just spend an entire day consolidating every single thing that's crowding up your mental space and putting it in a physical inbox. Every piece of junk in your room or car or whatever that you feel like you've been meaning to do something about goes in the inbox, either physically or on a slip of paper. Every last thing. Then you go through every last thing and decide what to do about it.

Are you supposed to do something with it? Is that action clearly defined? Does it take less than two minutes? Do it and get it out of the way.

Does it take longer? Is there a deadline? Is there a specific date it needs to happen on? Put that on your calendar - but only the day it really has to be done on. Don't crowd your calendar up with maybes or good intentions. Put the firm commitments on there so that you can trust it. If the rest of the system is in place, you'll easily be able to access the more flexible tasks when you're in a time and place to do them.

Is it a bigger, more complex project? Is it something you want to be working on now? What's the next action? Is it connecting with someone? Generating ideas? Only put that action on your "next actions" list. Keep the big idea in a "Projects" folder and revisit it as often as you need to keep generating concrete "next actions."
Is it not something you need/want to work on now, but you want to make sure you don't forget the idea? Put that in your "projects" folder.

Is it reference material (statements, book recommendations, etc.)? File it and label it clearly so that you can have it when you want it. (You'll want a lot of folders and a box/filing cabinet.)

The idea is that you're creating a physical and/or electronic system that consolidates all your mental baggage that you're unconsciously keeping track of all the time so that you can free up your brain a little and relax. And you're separating the abstract projects from the concrete next actions so that when you think, "I need to do something - but what?" you know you will find explicit instructions for a simple, achievable task. Even better: make a more granular "next actions" list that puts together actions that can be done in the same place with the same resources (i.e., "errands," "At computer," etc.)

If you like physical reminders, make what he calls a "tickler" file. You have 12 "month" folders and 31 "day" folders. If something is a month ahead, put it in next month's folder. When you get to that month, all the month folder contents get distributed to the appropriate "day" folders. Every day, get the day's folder out and see what's been assigned to the day. So, for example, I've been putting my bills in the folder of the day I need to make sure to pay them, and I've also got chores that I tend to neglect (mopping...ugh) on cards so that, when I do them, I can put them in a folder of the day I think I should do that thing again.

This sounds neurotic. Once you've sorted through everything and got it set up, it really takes very little energy to keep going. Whenever something new comes up that you don't really have time to deal with, throw it into your inbox. Take 10 minutes every day, or an hour once a week, to sift through and figure out what concrete action needs to be done and when. After that, you have a better sense that you're not letting things slip through the cracks, which really takes a weight off your mind. And when you're not functioning on a very high level, your smarter (and/or procrastinating-by-planning) self has already done the higher-order planning and your dumb tired self can follow instructions.

I don't know of any one source that teaches "good testing principles". There are thousands of sources and Sturgeon's law is working against you. A few sources are predominantly good, most have bits (often the same bits) of genuinely good advice in-between chapters of bland, uninsightful repetition, many are appropriations of popular acronyms by closely or distantly related professions (no, you're not "testing" a requirement specification, you're just reviewing it), and some sources are just plain bad.

I had an opportunity to attend Dan North's Testing Faster course and would strongly recommend it. In my case it was more helpful for formalising my own experience than learning concrete new things but other attendees did absolutely "learn new things". He made a point that "TDD" and "BDD" are both inaccurate names and that something like "example-guided development" would have been far more honest; he recommended a book, I think Specification by Example, as a good resource to that end (and noted that that name, too, is technically inaccurate). He also confirmed that Cucumber is a solution looking for a problem.

Test Driven Development: By Example by Kent Beck is a classic, and as far as I can remember, decent. It's maybe a little old now, and it definitely misses some subtle points about maintainability of automated tests in general (or perhaps rather, doesn't really address that).

I've skimmed Code Complete 2. I don't remember it in detail but my overall impression of it was that the sooner it becomes irrelevant the better, because that would signify our profession maturing (if not quite reaching maturity). A lot of its contents would be considered basic by contemporary software development standards and that's a good thing. I don't remember what it says about testing. One thing in a very late chapter (33.8?) stuck with me, though: that seniority has little to do with age and your approach to software development will be formed early on.

Working Effectively with Legacy Code by Michael Feathers is excellent, perhaps the most practically applicable one here.

Sandi Metz is famous in the Ruby community for speaking on this topic and there are recordings on YouTube. From what I've seen her material also mainly addresses beginners but it's fast and easy to consume and her form doesn't bother me the way Martin's does.

One piece of advice I picked up from one of those mostly-mediocre sources had to do with naming in tests, trying to capture the essentials. If you're relying on a particular property of a piece of input to test behaviour, make sure this is evident. Conversely, if any input would satisfy, avoid drawing undue attention:

fn bees_can_fly() {
let some_bee = ...
let bumblebee = ...
let dest = ...

assert fly(some_bee, dest);
assert fly(bumblebee, dest);
}

fn bees_can_pollinate() {
let some_bee = ...
let flower = ...

assert pollinate(some_bee, flower);
}

Testing is about developing confidence. There are many kinds of testing and many things to develop confidence in. For automatic tests it's more about checking (arguably not "testing") that you retain correctness in the face of continuous change. Automatic tests that obstruct that change or compromise your confidence are not helping you and should be rewritten or removed. Reliability of tests is usually more valuable than coverage, for instance.

• Clean Code is a really good programming book. It's technical in that it gives you best practice, but you don't need a laptop or to code to follow along, you can just absorb the information and follow along with the simple samples (even if it's not your primary coding language).
  
  
• The Clean Coder is a great book about how to build software professionally. It focuses on a lot of the softer skills a programmer needs.
  
  
• Scrum: The Art of doing twice the work in half the time is a great introduction to scrum and why you want to use it. Agile (and scrum in particular) can have a major improvement on the productivity of development teams. I work for a large technology company and we've seen improvements in the range of 300% for some teams after adopting scrum. Now our entire company is scrumming.
  
  
• Getting Things Done has personally helped me work more efficiently by sorting work efficiently. Having a system is key.
  
  
• How to Win Friends and Influence People I often recommend devs on our team read this because it helps with interpersonal communication in the office.
  
  
• Notes to a Software Tech Lead is a great book so you can understand what a good lead is like and hopefully one day move up in your career and become one.
  
  

When I started out, I relied most of the Fannie Farmer cookbook, to be honest, but something like The Joy of Cooking, Bittman's How To Cook Everything or Alton Brown's I'm Just Here for the Food would be good, too. Joy is classic, simple recipes with clear instructions, aimed at beginners. Brown is excellent at explaining the science behind why reciepes work the way they do. Bittman emphasizes showing a technique, then showing lots of simple variations, allowing you to learn a skill and then apply it to different ingredients.

You might also take a look at Rhulman's Ratio --- for a certain sort of personaility, that book can be like a lightbulb going off. It's all about the common principles that underlay many sorts of recipes. Some people find it too abstract, especially if they're just starting (most actual recipes break his rules a little, one way or another), but if you're more of an abstract logical thinker it can be quite helpful.

But cooking in general can be quite diffucult to pick up from books --- techniques that are quite simple to demonstrate can be super difficult to describe. Youtube/the internet can be your friend, here --- Jacques Pepin, America's Test Kitchen, and Good Eats are all good at demonstrating and explaining technique. Check out the Food Wishes youtube channel, too --- Chef John is a former culinary instructor, and he demostrates a lot of classic techniques in the reciepes he does.

At the end of the day though, cooking's like Carnigie Hall. Think of stuff you like to eat, find a recipe for that stuff, and just go for it. If you start off making things you know and like, then it will be easier to tell if you're getting it right as you go along, and that I think is the most crucial and most difficult part of becoming a skilled cook --- being able to tell when something's ready vs. when it needs 5 more minutes, being able to tell if the batter looks right before you cook it, if something needs more seasoning and if so what kind. All that's mostly a karate kid, wax on, wax off thing --- you just got to keep making stuff in order to have the experience to tell when something's right.

Hi there. I'm a professional web developer by trade. Your website looks like it's from the 1990's...I understand that both of you are working full-time, but I highly recommend completely re-doing your website.
I don't even know where to start, so I'm just going to give you examples, resources, and inspiration, and relevant comments.

Inspiration:

This is by far, THE best website for tea I've ever seen.

DavidsTea

• It's responsive (try resizing the window from 100% to 1 inch - see how well it resizes?), looks modern, clean, fun, creative, and brands the tea/products very well.
  
  
• Design is done by an award-winning designer from Holland, if I remember correctly.
  
  Mid-tiered websites:
  
  Harney&Sons
  
  
• Harney & Sons appeals to a different demographic (yuppie-ish) whereas DavidsTea appeals to hipster younguns. Can you tell by the color scheme?
  
• site isn't responsive and still needs some user interface work, but overall as basic as you can get.
  
• Look at the way they market themselves and write descriptions. Look at the next few sites as well.
  
  Some more sites you can look at:
  
  Adagio Teas
  
  Mighty Leaf
  
  Verdant Tea
  
  Lower-tiered websites:
  
  TeaVivre
  
  Den's Tea
  
  Absolutely not:
  
  Upton Tea
  
  
• I know Upton's is pretty popular here on reddit, but I think the website is just awful. I flat out refuse to buy on that site - it doesn't even look remotely reassuring to me to pay on that website. I'm sure it is secure, but....jesus, that user interface. Absolutely not.
  
  Resources:
  
  
• Html and CSS by Jon Duckett
  
  
• Javascript & JQuery by Jon Duckett
  
  
• UXPin Free Resources [there is a pdf book in this link that shows the latest trends in modern web design, take inspiration from there)
  
  
• Do you use Firefox's Firebug tool? If you don't, just install Firebug on Firebox. Click on the bug icon, and then click on the inspector tool. Now you can hover over various elements and see what properties are being done on them if you need to figure out how something was done. You can also make changes without coding and refreshing your page each time.
  
  Let me know if you have any other questions, thanks!
  

I have to agree the BBS method isn't exactly the most traditional, but if it's all the equipment you have then go for it.

As for starting with all grain - I'm completely against that. It's pretty complicated (especially with trying to get sanitation and other skills right the first time) and most people aren't willing or able to drop $400 on equipment on a hobby they just started out with.

Now, to OP's questions:

>does anybody have any experience with the Brooklyn Brew Shop's kits?

Unfortunately, no. But they seem simple enough, and if you've read the book like you said, you should have no problem with their kit.

>Was the information in the B.B.S.'s book sufficient to get brewing with their kits?

Yes, should be. But keep in mind they're probably glossing over some details (I'm just guessing here since their method is a bit nontraditional and it's a one gallon kit)

>Is there something else I should read in addition to my book before I get brewing?

You don't have to read anything before brewing. It sounds like you've got a good handle on this kit, but if you're looking for more detailed books about brewing definitely check out The Complete Joy of Homebrewing - more than likely it will encourage you to switch to 5gal brewing. It'll be easier and more fun than your 1 gal batches.

>Is there anything else I should get to make the whole process easier or more efficient?

Honestly, I think you'll find the 1gal equipment kit is not going to be enough. It's a fantastic starter/learning system, but once you brew and read The Complete Joy of Homebrewing you'll probably want a lot more equipment. Come talk to us then :)

In the meantime, welcome to the hobby, and happy brewing!!

I don't think the truth of my claim and /u/Mutand1s post are not mutually exclusive. I wasn't referring to whether the beer had this mythic provenance so much as the taste of that beer you call IPA is one that will hold up to heat and I think there is a difference. The story about developing this special formula for the voyage sounds a little too clever by half considering that climate and other conditions were the reasoning behind every style of beer.

Brewing, like baking is science as much as art. Humidity, heat and altitude will effect your bread and your beer. This whole thing about inventing a beer is probably a bit overstating things because if your making beer that will go in the hull of a ship sailing for months through the tropics you know that heat will be a factor and you would choose a traditional style off the shelf to meet your needs. Since you are a brewer; you might even add your own twist but that's just it right, you start off with something that has been refined for years and years and you might tweak it a bit with more fermentable sugars but it's mostly still the style someone has been drinking for years.

If you think about it a little bit though this is a question that can seem more obvious as you drill down. The history of brewing, like baking is one of refinement and an effort to bring consistency. There is a reason we arrive at Wonder Bread and Budweiser in the 20th century. These are two very refined and difficult to realize pinnacles of their craft that reflect the eras obsession with science and industrialization to create millions of items that are exactly the same and transparent enough to reveal flaws, remember this is the era that brings us Six Sigma. Try and brew a Bud/Miller/Coors beer or bake a loaf of Wonder at home and you will see how incredibly hard it is. Make fun of them all you want but these two foods were the subject of thousands of years of intellectual evolution.

Which brings us to why an IPA is hoppy and a little stronger than its counterparts. Someone mentions in this conversation that the beer was simply adapted from an existing traditional style, which makes sense. You take into consideration what the characteristics of the voyage will be and you come to the conclusion that a beer that holds up to summer is your recipe.

If you look at German and English styles that are brewed to stand up to summer heat and they tend to be stronger and hoppier than the beers made for other seasons. This is because hops, in general, was added to do a few important things for beer, stabilize flavor and mask off flavors (go to the end of page 262 in the link). High heat is no friend to beer that is sitting in a barrel and higher alcohol and hops is there to help counter and mask the effects. As a historical matter this is what hops is introduced for, make beer taste better under various conditions, help the brewer to attain a level of consistent quality.

Certain yeasts can help too, ale is better for warmer temps than lager. So you pick a hoppy beer brewed to stand up to summer heat for an ocean voyage. Whether or not that was some intricate formula or just an off the shelf solution is an interesting debate, but not the whole story. As you can see from just about any book on brewing history and styles, From Michael Jackson's World Guide to Beer to Charlie Papazian's The Complete Joy of Home Brewing you will see that styles came about as a result of the conditions for which they were brewed. Bud/Miller/Coors are brewed the way they are because of the technology that allows for strict and precise measurement throughout the manufacturing/brewing process. Ale is more forgiving and IPA is probably the most forgiving style for a new brewer to make because you can screw a lot of stuff up and still get it right. That's also the reason why that kind of beer is ideal to sit in the hull of a ship until you get to India.

Here is a scientific explanation of the Artosis curse: Regression toward the mean.

Basically, Artosis makes his predictions based on observations of high above (their own usual) average achievements of players. The problem is that there is actually quite a bit of randomness involved. At the high level SC II is being played at no single player is skilled enough to dominate everyone else (consistently, but likely not even at any one point in time if everyone would play against everybody else instead of just a random(ha!) selection). Randomness means, that when you observe someone being above average the chance that next time you observe them they will be WORSE, closer to the mean (back to normal!), is much higher compared to observing them doing something outstanding again.

I would like to point out that this is ONE of the forces at work. It does explain the Artosis curse. It does not (need to!) explain everything that goes on in the world or even just in the world of SC II. And it doesn't claim that this happens every single time, only on average.

Here is what Kahneman used as an example:

> The psychologist Daniel Kahneman, winner of the 2002 Nobel prize in economics, pointed out that regression to the mean might explain why rebukes can seem to improve performance, while praise seems to backfire.[8]

> “I had the most satisfying Eureka experience of my career while attempting to teach flight instructors that praise is more effective than punishment for promoting skill-learning. When I had finished my enthusiastic speech, one of the most seasoned instructors in the audience raised his hand and made his own short speech, which began by conceding that positive reinforcement might be good for the birds, but went on to deny that it was optimal for flight cadets. He said, “On many occasions I have praised flight cadets for clean execution of some aerobatic maneuver, and in general when they try it again, they do worse. On the other hand, I have often screamed at cadets for bad execution, and in general they do better the next time. So please don’t tell us that reinforcement works and punishment does not, because the opposite is the case.” This was a joyous moment, in which I understood an important truth about the world: because we tend to reward others when they do well and punish them when they do badly, and because there is regression to the mean, it is part of the human condition that we are statistically punished for rewarding others and rewarded for punishing them. I immediately arranged a demonstration in which each participant tossed two coins at a target behind his back, without any feedback. We measured the distances from the target and could see that those who had done best the first time had mostly deteriorated on their second try, and vice versa. But I knew that this demonstration would not undo the effects of lifelong exposure to a perverse contingency.

If you only read one book this year, let it be Kahneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow.

Congratulations on the masters! :)

I would say step one is to read "Don't make me think" by Steve Krug. The book is full of common sense advice that helps eliminate a lot of decision fatigue.

This blog - The Nilsen Norman Group is a great resource for the "functional" end of things, full of tips and research results on what people find the easiest and most enjoyable to use. Its another resource that gives you a ton of information on what mistakes to avoid when designing interfaces, and what has generally worked out for other designs.

As for aesthetics, just immerse yourself in good work as often as you can. Dribble is good if you view the designs with a grain of salt because a lot of them look great but would be pretty damn hard to use, wouldn't work on mobile etc. Pinterest is good too, and generally just approaching websites you come across critically and thinking "what do I like about this design? What don't I like?"

I'm also like Goodweb.design at the moment too, it's a good one to use to see how many different executions of content with the same purpose can work.

The best teacher is of course experience. Pick something and design for it. If you're stuck and can't figure out how to improve the design, just trawl the internet for ideas or draw wireframes on scrap paper.

This channel is FULL of great design advice. The videos where the company owner reviews employee work is really valuable.

This video is a little drier and a little more on the analytical side, but again gives great insight into how people use interfaces and why they use them like they do.

Hope there's enough there to keep you busy for a little while and see if UX/UI is the direction you'd like to move toward :)

So the term that you're looking for is triad and there are many people who engage in the kind of relationship you're seeking. It has been suggested already, but I would like to reiterate that r/polyamory is the place you need to post this. It is the most accepting, knowledgeable community on reddit regarding nonmonogamy. I have been in a quad for over a year and it has been the most helpful internet resource for my husband and I.

The Ethical Slut has been recommended, there's also Opening Up. I found Opening Up to be an incredible resource to get my head around the different types of nonmonogamous relationships, the possible issues that may come up and suggestions on how to approach them. The biggest concept I got from that book was that no nonmonogamous relationship is exactly alike and whatever works for your relationship is what's right for you.

I would suggest all of you read either/both of the books suggested. Take notes, makes lists of questions/comments/concerns and all three of you jointly work out a relationship structure that works for all of you. Are you all going to be on equal terms? Is your wife going to be primary and your gf secondary? Is your gf moving in? If she is, where is she sleeping? Will you be ok if your gf dates and brings other men/women home where your child is? Will your gf have the right to discipline and make decisions for your child? Just a few things to consider.

The biggest things in having a poly relationship, the same with any relationship are communication and in my opinion, radical honesty. You all need to feel safe about communicating EVERYTHING big or small and you all need to sit down and listen with as little defensiveness as possible. Issues will come up that may be about anything from jealousy to who should have done the dishes, you need to be able to work through these issues together, equally.

Our quad doesn't cohabitate, my hubs and I live together with our two boys and our other couple is married and live with their dog, so I can't give specific advice/thoughts/opinons on that. However, being in a polyamorous relationship has been one of the most rewarding, beautiful experiences I have ever had. The amount of personal and relationship growth we've all had has been so incredible. The level of support during good and bad times, the intimacy, the love, it's wonderful. We've had our share of ups and downs and it certainly has its challenges, but overall, it has been an amazing addition to our lives.

One of the challenges that we have found is dynamics with disagreements. The way my husband and I communicate difficulties or have disagreements is different than how our other half does. It was quite a learning curve figuring out how to negotiate issues, but with patience and a lot of communicating we've figured that out. Adding more people adds more angles to consider in all aspects of your relationship, positive and growth inducing.

Good luck!! You're in for one hell of an adventure! :D

Designing Interfaces is great, and I find myself coming back to it when I'm stuck on something. I should note, however, that the examples focus primarily on desktop applications. It's not a stretch to apply most of the concepts to web apps, but some of the patterns aren't really applicable. However, I primarily do web work and I still think it's worth getting.

A classic Web usability book that's really easy to get through is Don't Make Me Think. Much of what makes for good web design is common sense, but it's nice to have it reinforced/verified.

If you're interested in site architecture (you should be) or some theory behind decisions behind visual design (particularly regarding heavy information), I'd also recommend The Information Design Workbook. Half of it is theory and the other half is examples and case studies. It also has some really nice guidelines for working with clients, such as "What is a design brief? Why do I need it? What should be included in it?"

Designing for Interaction is alright... The interviews in it are interesting, but the subject matter is pretty basic. That being said, it is a good primer. I'd definitely pick Designing Interfaces over this, though, if you're choosing between them.

I've heard good things about Designing Web Interfaces, but I haven't read it myself, so... I can't personally recommend it. (O'Reilly generally has pretty high standards, though, so it's probably a safe bet.)

I'd second useit.com and smashing, but sometimes, nothing beats books.

(If you're interested in getting more into the psychology of it, or are interested in a specific topic regarding UI/UX, let me know, as I have more recommendations... I just don't know what you're interested in.)

I would go with Kahneman's "Thinking, Fast and Slow". It can be rather tedious at times, but it's such a great summary of recent work in social and cognitive psychology that it's worth it.

Oliver Sacks, as mentioned before, is another great author. Very approachable, very interesting, yet quite informative.

I have heard that Dan Ariely is a great author. Predictably Irrational might be a great read.

Steven Pinker's How the Mind Works is also great, but I would recommend Kahneman over him.

Finally, I would recommend a classic: William James - The Principles of Psychology. It's old, and some stuff is dated, but the guy had amazing insight nonetheless. It'd be a great intro reading just to see where psychology came from.

I would stay away from Jonah Lehrer, since he was accused of academic dishonesty. His book "How we Decide" was an extremely easy read, and a bit watered down. On that tangent, I would also avoid Malcolm Gladwell. Sacks does a better job at explaining psychology and neuroscience to a general audience.

Hope that helps!

Not a new faculty member -- I started out almost 20 years ago -- but I quit a tenured, almost-full-professor position back in 2011 to start over at a different university that was better suited for my goals, in no small part because of questions like these. I could give a very long answer on this because it's something I've thought about a lot, but I'll keep it short and maybe others can fill in their ideas.

Context: I work at a regional public university (26K students) and am pre-tenure but on the tenure track, up for tenure and promotion in 3 more years. I have a teaching schedule of 24 credits every year, which shakes out to three courses a semester (usually two preps) along with expectations for service and a modicum of research production (we're primarily a teaching-oriented institution). Also and importantly: I have a wife and three little kids and they are way more important to me than my career.

With that background, I usually am working on my stuff about 9 hours per day during the week, and maybe 2-3 hours on the weekends although I prefer not to work on the weekends at all. And it works for me, as I just had a successful halfway-point review for tenure and promotion and all signs are indicating that tenure shouldn't be a problem for me when I finally come up for it.

You asked a bunch of questions in that last paragraph that seem unrelated but actually I think they all hinge on one thing -- making sure that there is a space in your life for work and a space in your life for your life, and making sure that there is no unwanted invasion of one space by the other. What works for me is:

1. If you want to have a space for stuff in your life that isn't work, you have to set up hard boundaries around that space and defend it.
   
2. You have to know exactly what you should be doing at any given moment and also what you should not be doing at any given moment.
   
3. You have to choose projects and tasks strategically and manage them rigorously.
   
   To focus on #2 and #3, I practice the Getting Things Done or "GTD" system of task/time management promulgated by David Allen. It would be well worth your time to go read this book, maybe over the holiday break. I won't try to summarize it other than to say, the cornerstone of GTD is having a trusted system into which you put ALL your projects and tasks organized by context, priority, and energy available and focus ONLY on the next action for each project. This way of thinking will train you to distinguish what you should be doing right now from the many things that you could be doing, and also train you to let go, mentally, of anything other than the next available thing until it's time.
   
   So I highly recommend GTD. It's no exaggeration that when I discovered GTD a few years ago it changed my life. You asked about what I do to relax and feel peace -- the first thing I do is keep all my projects and tasks organized and under my control. Otherwise there is no peace!
   
   As for #1, I set aside evenings and weekends for family. That for me is an inviolable law. So, I shut down the computer and don't check email from 6pm to 6am. (I tell students this, and explain why, and they respect it.) I get up at 4:30am so that I can grade from 6-7am every day and not take time out of the weekend. Sometimes (like during finals week) I do have to bring work home. But I've found that I can get a lot done during business hours if I just remain ruthlessly efficient with managing my tasks (see GTD).
   
   So another aspect of having peace in my life comes from the fact that I never worry that I'm not doing enough to give time and attention to my wife, kids, church, or friends. Making hard boundaries around that personal space and fighting to maintain them makes it possible.
   
   TL;DR -- I've managed to maintain a good work-life balance and a productive career by practicing GTD and being deliberate about setting hard boundaries around work and family life.

Awesome, it's great you're so proud of her!

Haha knowledge that leads to everlasting boredom! Book studies were the worst, I always felt super obligated to study extra hard because there were so few people that often nobody would answer!

Don't be so sure that your family will keep abandoning you, it's possible sure, but there's always hope! Often they're surprised that you can leave the witnesses and live a normal, or even better than normal life (of course there's always the "blessed by satan" get out clause) but they do expect people who leave to get aids and die from a heroin overdose.

It's easy to prove them wrong! Either way though, you have your own family to look out for and you can learn what not to do!

On to the suggested reading. I've mentioned many on here before but I don't expect everyone to be aware of it all so here goes:

Reading (I have a kindle and love reading, but they're all available for ebook and in paperback)

• Michael Shermer's Why People Believe Weird Things: Pseudoscience, Superstition, and Other Confusions of Our Time and The Believing Brain: From Ghosts and Gods to Politics and Conspiracies---How We Construct Beliefs and Reinforce Them as Truths these books really really helped me comprehend how I allowed myself to be fooled and that I can learn from my mistakes
  
• Richard Dawkins - The greatest show on earth and Coyne's Why evolution is true concreted the fact that the earth wasn't made and that animals didn't magically appear
  
• Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World - it is a bit similar to shermers books, but a great read nonetheless, Sagan has an amazing awe at the universe and it's beautiful to read!
  
• Christopher Hitchens - God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything This book is by far among my favorites but it has a more aggressive tone, which is why I wouldn't start with it. Hitchens was awesome, even though I didn't agree with everything he said.
  
  Web
  
  
• JWFacts, of course...an invaluable site but it WILL make you mad
  
• Bad astronomy - add it to your RSS reader, often breathtaking, and generally about space
  
• Jerry Coyne's Why Evolution is True blog - science and politics
  
  
  Pocasts
  
  (all on iTunes etc, i like them because I can listen at work or download to my phone)
  
  
• The skeptic's guide to the universe it's intelligent, they discuss science and science news and skepticism and I always learn something
  
• Dogma debate just great, lots of debates with christians of various kinds and you can hear how both sides present their arguments
  
• Rationally speaking you said philosophy is of interest, if so this is a must!!!
  
• Cognitive dissonance - they are angry they talk news and politics and religion, it's very funny, informative and irreverent
  
• Caustic soda just a generally awesome science / history / factual podcast
  
  
  That's about it for now, if you soak all that in / want more / have suggestions let me know, and I'd love to hear what you think! :)
  
  

If you can afford it I'd highly recommend this course on udemy. Its $35 but theres always tons of udemy coupons floating around. I've been working through it and it definitely has helped me get a better understanding of both the front end and back end in web development since there's code alongs, exercises, quizzes, and you even make a bunch of small websites as well as a couple of actual web applications. That being said I'm not affiliated with it in any way. Just sharing what Ive been using to learn and its been very helpful.


Also there's tons of books available both paid and free.
As other people have mentioned, Duckett's books on html, css, javascript, and jquery are very beginner friendly with colorful and easy to understand material.

This is a good one that I've been going through to learn about UI/UX and the overall look and usability of your website. It basically teaches you how to make your website more approachable to whoever is navigating it.

I don't think anyone else has mentioned it but Udacity also has tons of free content, a large majority of it being web development and programming courses.

Other than that you're honestly going to just have to start messing around in a code editor and see what does what. Come up with an idea and really just start trying to code it. It could be a small one pager or it could be the start of your web development portfolio. A big thing that I've come to learn is that when you decide that you want to build something and you have no idea what you're doing, grab a good old pen and paper and write down or sketch what you want to do. Sketch what you want your page to look like. Then figure out how to code it. And if you get stuck google is your best friend. Break down what you want to do into smaller manageable chunks, do one thing at a time, and don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Being a computer science student, this is the best advice I can give you when it comes to learning this stuff.

I'm fortunate to be in the position I'm a now. I manage a camera shop as my 9-5 and then shoot on side, both for fun and for clients. The job gives me a steady income, and some of the best networking you could ask for. It gives me access to brand reps to borrow and try out new gear, and of course employee gear purchases. Sometimes I now think I'm more into cameras than I am necessarily into photography, kind of like how people are so into cars but not necessarily like racing, or building computers but not necessarily really competitive with gaming.

I shot on the side as pretty much my sole income when I was in college (for a mostly unrelated degree). I do miss some of that lifestyle, but greatly prefer the stability and relative lack of stress I have now.

>1. A Part-Time Job Gives You a Guaranteed Regular Income

Definitely a huge thing I like.

>2. You'll Be Able to Filter the Bad Clients... 3. You'll Be Able to Demand Higher Rates of Pay

Definitely true for me, mainly because that first point. I don't have to worry about making ends meet, I can simply take on jobs that I want to, or at least are worth it financially.

>4. Having Less Time Actually Makes You More Productive

This one is totally dependent on the person. In my case, I totally agree. I've always been someone that performed better, and more focused, on a time crunch.

>5. Working in a Completely Different Industry to Photography Will Enhance Your Practice

Can't speak to this personally, but knowing how cameras / photography has changed me with respect to other hobbies / endeavors, I'd have to imagine it's certainly the case. My (limited) experience in other industries definitely does come up in photography from time to time. Being in a non-related field gives you tons of opportunities to advertise yourself as the person to go to if pictures are needed.

One of my favorite books on workplace / career happiness goes into this quite a lot (there's a lot of cool studies in it about happiness). A lot of people that make the jump to full time do so without proper experience or support and subsequently fail. It basically advocates that "follow your passion" is bad advice and that you should instead "follow what you're good at". That in many cases, you're better off doing what you're good at as a job, and keeping your passions as hobbies. But of course, once you get to the point where your skill and passion is for the same thing, do make the jump.

Your MC is at 10 Pisces, and its ruler, Neptune, is at 16 Capricorn conjunct Uranus at 13 Capricorn. Those planets are in the 7th opposite a Mars-Chiron conjunction. Pisces and Chiron both have to do with healing, and with the added involvement of both Mars (metals and surgery) and Uranus (revolutionary/alternative things, and electricity), the first thing that came to mind is... acupuncturist. Many acupuncturists also practice electroacupuncture, which is what it sounds like (mild electrical currents are run through the needles during the treatment).

That would also sit well with your 9th-house Moon, since the 9th house rules foreign countries and cultures, and if you studied Chinese medicine you would either be exploring a foreign culture (assuming you're not of Chinese origin) or bridging two different cultures (if you're Chinese and living outside of China--I can see from the chart you posted that you were born in Canada). Ninth-house moon folks LOOOOOVE expanding their horizons by learning about foreign cultures and/or foreign or alternative religions.

Psychotherapist also comes to mind, but what fits this chart is an avant garde, mystical or esoteric type of psychology rather than, say, garden-variety cognitive therapy. More like Jungian psychology, Transpersonal psychology or art therapy.

And speaking of art, Neptune is the natural ruler of film, acting, and all forms of illusion. If you're good at acting or photography and interested in the movie industry from either side of the camera, or interested in music (film scores? Neptune and Venus rule music, and I see Venus is trine your Moon), this chart would support that. And by the way, while Mercury is involved with all this in that it's square your Uranus-Neptune on the one hand and your Mars-Chiron on the other, the placement of your North Node at 21 Capricorn, conjunct Neptune and Uranus but square Mercury, suggests to me that things would flow better for you if you focused more on Neptunian things (mysticism, visual, the nonrational/right brain/intuitive side of life, beautiful illusions, things that touch the soul) rather than on Mercurial things (rational, verbal). Or at least, focus on communicating clearly and verbally (Mercury) about Neptunian things.

What are your interests? Astrology is not the be-all end-all, and I say that as someone who has been studying astrology for decades and at times has worked as a professional astrologer. Considering what your chart has to say about career is fascinating, but it's only one piece of the puzzle. Here are the top three books I would recommend reading as you look for the right career:

"So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport
https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

"Do What You Are" by Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron
https://www.amazon.com/Do-What-You-Are-Personality/dp/031623673X

"What Color is My Parachute" by Richard Bolles
https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2016/dp/1501274643

Websites:

http://www.smashingmagazine.com/

http://psd.tutsplus.com/ There is one for vector illustrations also.

http://www.lynda.com/

Web design podcast

Books

Your new bible on type

Lee Varis "Skin". Awesome book on working with skintones

Photo-compositing

Web usability testing

Fun stuff:

Flash cards, the fun kind to get your brain going

color swatches by Pantone

Calibrate you monitor; you don't know what colors you can print without a baseline

Just realize what you print and what your screen show can be close, but it will never be 100 percent accurate. This also depend on the viewing conditions. Calibrate your monitor, get a backup system in place, read and make your own assignments, and good luck. If you want to buy a bunch of business cards cheaper than VistaPrint or elsewhere with a digital offset waterless system... try

CopyCraft.com

Unless you have money for letterpress cards, but i would only hand those to decisionmakers that sign checks :)

Also i almost forgot... magazines!!!

Many on this list

And i personally like this one

Also you need to make sure your drawing skills constantly improve. I use photoshop for photos exclusively and it speeds up my workflow and helps me with my understanding of light and creating shadows etc. I can't stress maybe a Figure Drawing class (if you have a bad position it is okay to move to a better "view") or something similar to help work through drawings faster and get a better basis of form. These little notebooks are so handy to keep for quick sketches and ideas, and random people that are potential clients.

A Wacom tablet (unless you can afford a Cliniq) is so awesome to have. I have the XL and it is too much... the Large is sufficient unless space. I hear that the smallest size is just too small for most people.

Here is a awesome glove to help with sweaty hands and to keep it smooth, i actually just got mine and it actually helps with my editing on my tablet.

edit: added moleskin/wacom/smudgeguard info

What everyone said is correct: math, math, math, and enjoy your last summer ;) You may also want to learn how to code in C++ or Fortran (yes, yes, it's ancient, but pretty much all NASA codes are written in C++ or Fortran) or even Matlab, if you have access to it.

Also, if you want to read some inspirational type books: Kelly Johnson's Memoir, the man basically invented Skunk Works. I also loved Flying the SR71, which is all about the Blackbird. It may sound corny, but Rocket Boys is my go-to book and/or movie when I feel discouraged and like I can't hack it as an engineer. And Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything" was really interesting to me.

What I found pushed me through the grueling classes, assignments, 50% on a test... was my passion for space exploration and propulsion methods. So I suggest in addition to the math and enjoying the free time you have left that you find what makes you passionate to be an engineer :). Because sometimes, at 2 am in a computer lab, after staring at the same chunk of code for 3 hours and not understanding why it doesn't seem to friggin work out... passion is all you have!

Best of luck to ya!

Thank you for sharing these thoughts; I imagine that wasn't easy.

> My parents placed an emphasis on sports, and on winning. However, I have come to realize that this mindset breeds hedonism. When my purpose in life was to win and seek the most benefits for myself, this attitude ultimately led to mental weakness and a lack of willpower when it came to pleasureful activities. In my opinion, even the goal of being happy leads to a hedonistic lifestyle.

The way I see it, feelings of happiness fall on a spectrum between pleasure (short-lived, visceral, shallow) and joy (long-lasting, subtle, deep), and while seeking pleasure is hedonism, seeking joy is not. Helping others brings (most of) us joy, and altruism is pretty near the opposite of hedonism.

The trick, I think, is balancing our desires for pleasure and joy, as each provides its own stability. Not experiencing pleasure leaves us irritable and unpleasant, while lacking joy leaves us purposeless and depressed. Neither state is ideal for accomplishing anything.

> And now, here I am. I am utterly confused now, when it comes to my life's goals. Should my goal be to make contributions in order to improve human civilization? Or something else? Idk.

One approach I suggest you try is this:

• set aside this philosophical question (for now)
  
• find something tangible that you care about doing—that is, something that brings you joy
  
• focus your time and energy on becoming better at that activity.
  
  This advice is based on the "craftsman mindset" advocated by Cal Newport's So Good They Can't Ignore You, which he presents in opposition to the "passion mindset" that focuses on the question, "What should I do with my life?"
  
  While this doesn't directly address your philosophical questions, following this approach may provide you with a mental clarity that could help. Think of it as a bottom-up kind of philosophy that generalizes from your actions and experiences, rather than the top-down kind that seeks to impose abstract ideas onto concrete reality.
  
  > Apologies for the rant.
  
  No need to apologize, as this is the kind of thought we BettermentBookClub subs like to discuss. I'll tag /u/PeaceH, /u/Skaifola, and /u/TheZenMasterReturns, who may want to respond to you with their own perspectives. They know much more about Stoicism than I do, so they may even answer your questions, unlike me. :)

Ahahaha. Ha.
Your bullshit theory that you use to justify the blatant racism of yours is not going to get you far, amigo. Stop trying.

Have you ever heard of the Guns, Germs, and Steel theory? I don't count on it, so I'm going to educate you on it if you would like to consider some truth for a change. Guns, Germs, and Steel (hereafter referred to as "GGS") states that no race is superior to another due to its genetics or culture, but rather due to being incredibly lucky in geography, wildlife, plant-life, and their culmination with farming and so forth. The GGS theory is constantly getting stronger with every circumstance it is applied to. It does state that Caucasian people have essentially 'won' the literal human race, as Caucasian people were the ones to settle an entirely new continent, have won every colonial battle, and have propagated their religions the furthest.

To start off with a very shortened version of world's history with relation to man, people first moved out of Africa and into the Middle East. There they let go of their nomadic lifestyles and settled next to rivers and took advantage of crops like barley and wheat, which could have multiple harvests, easy planting styles, and could last long times in grains reserves before becoming inedible. They also were the first to domesticate animals that were around them, like cows, sheep, goats, pigs, horses. This was due to them being herd animals, and once they controlled the leader of the herd they could control the entire herd. Thus they had plentiful food, plentiful meat and milk, and this created a loop of positive feedback, with animals feeding on harvest leftovers and then fertilising the fields. This eventually allowed room for creativity within the small communities, as there was no need for every person the a farmer now. They started specialising in different skills, and then invented plaster, by hearing rock rubble and mixing with water (my knowledge of plaster is limited, correct me if needed). These skills branched out widely. But eventually they had to move out of the Fertile Crescent. Evidence suggests that this was due to over-farming and unrestrained use of surrounding natural resources. They moved eastwards and westwards. In this they had their second major advantage; their continent itself, Eurasia. Eurasia is spread out majorly on the east-west axis. This provides an advantage in that those people could take their crops and animals with them and not worry about growth of them, as the climate does not change greatly along line of latitude, but not so for longitude. This allowed them to settle in the Europe proper and east Asia.

So to summarise so far, the early people have had advantages with agriculture, domestic animals, and geography. But it only goes further. Some of the broader ideals is that due to their close contact with animals, these people contracted diseases from their animals, but eventually gained immunity to these diseases. People they would eventually come in contact with would contract these germs, and because they have no natural immunity, would start dying off. Guns have been instrumental in their progress, as there has only been one battle in history where the side with guns lost against those without guns (The battle of blood river). Steel has led to the production of guns, of plate armour, and of trains which have been vital to the creation of larger empires and countries.

So read up on the topic! Educate yourself! I'll make it easier. Here: Buy a copy of it on Amazon, its worth it. , or just read the Wikipedia page, I'm not a cop. So maybe one day, instead of posting on a thread like this, you can post on a thread like this

No one needs to 'win' this debate. We can both leave with newer opinions, not necessarily for worse or for better.

You can only play the hand you were dealt. You cant change that. The good news is that you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and start working on yourself. Change your mentality, read more (especially self help books...good ones as there is alot of trash out there), learn new things, pick up new hobbies, change yourself physically by hitting the gym, grooming yourself (if that's an issue), dress nicer (if you don't already), attain goals, set new goals....live for you and only you, man. Improve yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. You will always fall short if you do that and quite frankly, other people are irrelevant when it comes to your life. If it is girls you want, there are "plenty of fish in the sea", this I am sure you've heard thousands of times, but although these girls all have different tastes/interests, they are, in general, not so much attracted to looks per se, but rather behavior and attitude. Girls of course are not opposed to a good looking guy, but good looks will only get you initial interest from them, but if a guy doesn't have a good personality, attitude, self esteem or confidence, then Brad Pitt himself would not be able to attract and keep women. You would be amazed how successful "unattractive" men can be. I'm sure you have seen it. Forget about women for now, work on you. Get your self esteem and confidence up. That should be the goal. How you negatively feel/view about yourself projects to people. It turns them off before you can even open your mouth. Good luck man!

Edit:
If you have a moment, check out the book "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. It's a great book and it will hit probably hit home in alot of areas. It (and others) helped me when I needed some help. Its a good read. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713?ref_=ams_ad_dp_asin_2

No, problem. As far as advice goes.

• Sit in the front of the class. The back can be distracting. Last year, people in the back would regularly have, very loud, full blown conversations.
  
  
• Attend class. It's not mandatory, but he'll be less understanding when it comes to your grade, helping you, and your final project if you hardly show up.
  
  
• Please stay away from Dreamweaver. Dreamweaver's pretty bloated and tends to be more distracting than helpful as a beginner. It's not too popular amongst web developers anyway.
  
  
• Use a text editor. Sublime Text and Notepad++ are pretty good.
  
  
• Get comfortable writing html and css without referencing any sources. This WILL come up on tests and quizzes. Know what tags go where, how to properly use css selectors, how to position elements with css, and know what everything specifically does.
  
  
• When studying for a test/quiz, don't rely solely on the review sheet. The reviews are helpful, but he will throw some things in that aren't on the review.
  
  
• It's possible to find the book online for free(if that's what you're into). HTML and CSS: Design and Build Websites is not required, but pretty good(also possible to get free).
  
  
• Don't forget that we have access http://lynda.com. HTML Essential Training is a good course to follow along with.
  
  
• You're not limited to a "company/restaurant" website for the final project. You can build whatever you want, as long as you satisfy all of the requirements.
  
  
• Don't present your final project in Internet Explorer(unless you want it to look like poop). Open your project in Chrome or Firefox.
  
  
• Start early on your project so you have time to clean it up and make it appealing to the eye. Grid systems are nice, but not necessary.
  
  
• Ha, and the teacher is a guy by the way. He's pretty cool for the most part. He's a grad student and close to our age.
  
  I'm at the point where I'm comfortable enough to start charging to build websites. That's a great way to make money while in school.
  
  If you have anymore questions, let me know.
  

Pros:

"Description"s are great - I do NOT think you should spend more time talking about how the games work. Your little blurb gave me a perfect idea of the type of game that each is. If I want to know the rules, then I will click on the included links to the PnP games.

Beer Recommendations - I always enjoy people's thoughts on beers, and it is a nice unique feature.

Thoughts section - I think you do a good job of capturing some of what you felt while playing the game. I like that you compared it to Roll for the Galaxy, and think that comparing the game to the feelings caused by other games is great. I will say that this is the one area that I think you can write a lot, as it is the most "reviewish" and thus interesting part.

Overall Presentation - Good use of images, bold text, and links.

Cons:

Writing style/grammar/spelling errors - Too many commas! You have a habit it seems of breaking up your writing a lot. Let the sentences flow more. Vary up your transitions. There were a couple spelling errors, but I find that those don't impact the readability of an article as much as proper use of grammar.
If you want to improve your writing The Elements of Style is a classic, good, and cheap book that has plenty of excellent writing tips. It is a pretty quick read as well.

Lack of "Rating" - I understand both sides of this argument, but I like when reviewers are bold enough to throw a rating of some sort. Whether a # system or something like (Into the Recycling Bin) --> (Good game) --> (Awesome game), I think either is very helpful.

Hopefully this was helpful. Overall, it was a nice read that serves its purpose well. I also think I'll check out Deep Space D-6 :)

Education is your way out. The typical way to get out for young Indonesian is through education, but that means you need to be either rich (to pay for outrageous tuition fee / living cost abroad) or smart (to qualify for scholarships). Are you?

An alternative way out is through working on in-demands jobs. For instance, you can gain several years of working experience in IT in indo and then try to apply for openings abroad (Singapore is often the first step). However at the moment, the UK is a closed doors for non-EU people who want to come here to work in hope of a residency, so don't bother... Other countries in Europe that you can consider is Germany, where it's still possible to get a sponsored job visa if you're good.

A final point is: indo is actually isn't that bad. True there are shits going on with a small group of religious extremism, but things are actually getting better, with changes since the reformasi in 98 and people like jokowi+ahok on the lead. Indonedians are largely friendly everywhere, the society is relaxed, the weather is nice nearly everyday of the year, food is good, a lot of nature places to visit in the country alone (and can easily fly to south east Asia and the rest of Asia too), we have a decent economic growth (compared to the stagnant West) .. I guess my point is, if you fail to get out, it's actually quite a good place to be stuck in for now (especially if you can write in English and post on reddit, that usually assumes you come from middle-to-upper socioeconomic background, alongside its associated conveniences in life that you might have to give up when you get out).

Of course don't just take my words for it. For most people you actually have to get out first to realise how good we have it in Indonesia. So by all means, try to get out but don't be surprised that eventually you'd want to return. That's what I plan to do after being away for more than half of my life now. Plus maybe it's my idealism speaking but the country needs people like us, the smartest anak bangsa who leave due to the brain drain. It's only lately I'm seeing more and more people around me who reverses this trend and actually go back to indo after spending years abroad. I think it'd a positive sign that the country is doing something right.

Edit: for a more concrete advice on how to prepare to get out, basically read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124. Get really good in something that is in demands, and you can usually move anywhere you want in the world. For me, it's computer science. For you, it might be something else.

Edit2: you might also find that as you get older, you can compromise on the atheism vs religious bit. A lot of people put their religions on KTP only, but doesn't mean they actually have to practice that. Or you can simply move to the right neighbourhood in Jakarta where nobody gives a fuck what your religion is.

Degrees mean less than people think. Just ask any of the hordes of recent grads with generic liberal arts degrees about their job search. Unless you lay the groundwork in college and have a plan (e.g. doing internships to get you real world experience), or you have a very practical and technical major like engineering, a degree's not going to be much help getting you a job. Most people I know in that situation are settling for jobs that have nothing to do with their major and don't really make use of their education at all. I'm basing this on personal experience and various things I've read, but I'm sure you can find articles and evidence of this to show your detractors if you do some googling.

Why is this the case? Because in the real world, companies hire people to solve actual problems they're having - they're looking for someone with skills that will help their business. With the trend toward people changing companies (and even career paths) more and more frequently, companies are also getting less and less willing to develop people on the job, and it's more important to have useful skills you can provide out of the gate.

What does this mean? When planning your career, you need to think about what skills are valuable in the economy and develop your career capital accordingly. Some professions have strict credentialing systems, and you'll need to have the certificates to get into them (like medicine, law, and teaching). These are special cases, though - most jobs that companies are hiring for require skills and experience, not certificates.

Ok, how does this relate to OSSU? Learning software engineering and computer science is a solid career strategy that provides flexible and valuable career capital. The U.S. Bureau of Labor projects the Software Developer jobs will grow much faster than average over the next 10 years. The prevalence of coding bootcamps proves that it's possible to learn software development skills and get a high paying job with no relevant "official" certification or college degree. (I went through a coding bootcamp and went from no programming experience to a 6 figure job in Silicon Valley in less than a year).

If you're going to learn on your own without getting a degree, it's important that you have something to show for it that employers can look at to see the skills you've developed. That's why it's important to do projects and have an online portfolio where you can showcase them. If you can demonstrate that you have a useful skill, then you'll be a more attractive candidate than someone who just has some random degree.

I'd recommend the book So Good They Can't Ignore You and the website 80,000 Hours for further reading on career strategy. Hopefully some of that is helpful for you. I think you have a great plan and will be miles ahead of your peers if you follow through on it. All of that's not to say that you definitely shouldn't get a degree, but you'll probably have the luxury of passing on it if you work to develop employable skills on your own time.

Hey!

Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that includes any activities where all parties involved know about the outside relationships and agree to participate. So if I am into another man, both my husband know about the guy and the guy is aware that I am married. It includes everything from swinging (sex, no emotions, typically done as a couple) to polyamory (literally "multiple loves" and can include multiple loving relationships) and a bunch of other dynamics.

Us? We allow for the "spark." You know how you meet somebody at random and you feel a connection with them? A spark? Like for some reason, at a crowded bar or gym or library, you spark with that one random stranger? That. That is our ethical non-monogamy. When that happens, we go to our spouse and let them know we felt that with somebody else. We talk it out. We are excited for each other and encourage each other.

We personally don't seek out other relationships; no dating profile or swing clubs here. We simply enjoy our loving and healthy marriage and if we feel a connection with another, we are free to explore why that person has been brought in our path. Maybe they are meant to be a friend, or teach us a lesson. Maybe they are to be the greatest fuck of our lives. Maybe we could love them. We don't want to spend our lives wondering "what if." We have found some love, some lust, some heartache, some heartbreak, but overall, it has been an incredibly positive experience.

This requires gobs of honest communication, so you'd be a natural at that end of it.

Both my husband and I have realized, after time and practice and mistakes, that neither of us are interested in sex without loving emotions. We just aren't into unemotional sex. Can we have a couple drinks and find a beautiful chick to give my husband a two girl BJ with me in a nightclub bathroom stall? Sure. But sexual relationships with a consistent partner requires actually caring about that person as a potential member of our family. The emotions never go away. You get concerned, jealous, elated, frustrated, etc. It is all in learning how to deal with those emotions. I guess, at the end of the day, if my husband all of a sudden fell in love with another woman and didn't want anything to do with me anymore, well, I don't want a relationship with that man anyway. That is not the man I married.

Some can have sex without emotions. The questions is can you guys? To thine own self be true.

https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379

https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/ref=pd_sim_14_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=41V-zAQaZbL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL320_SR208%2C320_&psc=1&refRID=BNXW54MZ79NJYTRHTGWV

https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory/dp/0991399706/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=RZ5Q4XCC0W2J9E9CA237

> That might be true for a small minority. Almost all rich people get rich by virtue of being born rich.

That used to be more or less true, but since about the 1980s, the new rich have vastly outnumbered the old rich, especially in the USA. Now inherited wealth accounts for a really tiny percentage of the population of millionaires. Go check out the Forbes list of the richest people in America and you'll see that most of the richest people in the country are first-generation billionaires.

> If you really believe that a substantial number of rich people are rich because they saved every penny and ate beans, you're being naive.

Actually, if you believed that, you'd be not too far from the truth, though obviously simply eating beans doesn't guarantee wealth.

If you want a detailed exploration of the trends around this (based on actual research), The Millionaire Next Door is a good place to start. Most people worth over a million dollars got that way either by living frugally while running their own businesses, or via a liquidity event such as their company being bought out.

Skin is hard, because skin isn't actually opaque. It is translucent, so it picks up light and colors and scatters them within itself, as if it were a thin layer of wax all over your body. This is called subsurface scattering, and it gives skin a softer appearance, a reddish glow (from blood vessels), and more color and depth in the shadows.

Look at this image. It does a good job of breaking down the different elements of a face. The left image, of course, is the actual shape of the face. The second image is the flat shading; there is no scattering here, just straight up "Does the light hit this spot directly?" It also includes a "specular" map, which indicates which parts of the image are glossy and shiny; notice the area around the nose is shiny, for example. I'll get back to specularity later on.

The third image includes the coloration alongside the flat shading. A "diffuse" map shows the appearance of something when bright, diffuse light hits it from all angles. Basically, it shows the colors at the brightest and most saturated they can ever be. A computer program applies shading to a model, and then adds the color, such that the colors are their most vivid where the model is lit most brightly.

The fourth image shows flat shading with subsurface scattering added. Notice how the left side of the face--which does not get hit directly by light at all, and was previously almost black--is now rather bright and varied. That's because her skin is now transmitting light, which helps even the light out. And the fifth image just adds the diffuse map (essentially, the color map) back in.

---

Basically, this is what you want to create. And like a computer, it may help you to think about it in pieces, and then add all those different pieces together.

1. As you probably know, when you're learning art, you start by learning how to depict 3D shapes in 2D. This is very much like creating a mesh for a 3D model, except traditional artists use a much more simplified construction.
   
   
2. Artists next learn how to do flat shading. They think about where the light source is coming from, and they make the planes of the head that are facing toward that light brighter, while the planes facing away are darker. Beginner art schools make their students spend endless hours practicing stuff like this.
   
   
3. Then artists tend to start thinking about color (including pigment colors and light colors) and light scattering (including subsurface scattering and light reflection). This is the step you're stuck on--and, to be fair, this is about as complicated as shading gets. It's simply not intuitive, and even in computer graphics, it's only fairly recently that subsurface scattering has become a common thing. But without it, skin lacks luster and life. There is no rule of thumb I can offer here, sadly. The best you can do is try to draw from life or from photos as much as you can, and eventually you'll start to pick it up. You'll learn which parts of the face scatter light differently, and you'll learn how it changes as the light direction changes (e.g., backlighting is dramatically different from front lighting). Don't be afraid to open a photo in some art software and actually sample colors from it; this can help you learn how to identify colors better and avoid falling trap to this classic illusion.
   
   
4. Artists often add specularity last. This also relates to diffuse coloration, which is something I think you need help with, so I'll go into a bit of detail about that.
   
   ---
   
   When coloring and lighting an object, there are three basic sections: the part that falls into shadow, the part that is in light, and the part that receives a specular highlight. The part that falls into shadow tends to reflect light from the surrounding area, and it also tends to be cast in a different color from the part that is in light. Specifically, shadows will tend to be the opposite of the light color. However, when I say "opposite colors" here, I'm talking about light colors (in which red, green, and blue are the primary colors, and cyan, magenta, and yellow are the secondary colors). Here are the pairings of opposite colors, if it might help you:
   
   

• red - cyan
  
• blue - yellow
  
• green -magenta
  
  So, for example, if you have a reddish-blueish light (i.e., a magenta light), the shadows will tend to look greenish. They will also take on a bit of the color reflected off nearby objects (such as the ground), though.
  
  A common approach is slightly yellow (perhaps verging on red) light with slightly blue (perhaps verging on cyan) shadows, especially if sunlight is coming in from a low angle, as in this painting.
  
  The opposite (blueish light, yellowish shadows) can also look good, especially if the sunlight comes from direct above.
  
  Under moonlight, firelight, incandescent light, fluorescent light, etc., you can get different effects; for example, this painting depicts reddish light with greenish shadows.
  
  You can very effectively avoid the use of black altogether in your shadows by making dark areas the opposite color to light areas. For example, look at this picture. The part of her face that is in shade is not much darker than the part that is in light. However, it is blueish, which makes it immediately apparent that it's shaded. (Also, note that the edge of her jaw is picking up white light reflected from her T-shirt.)
  
  ---
  
  Now let's talk about the second part of an image, the part that is in light. Remember what I said earlier about diffuse maps? How they represent the object when it is in bright, diffuse light--and they, effectively, show the color at the brightest and most saturated that it will get in that image? Well, this is what you need to do. Figure out what color your character's skin is, and give him that color of skin in the parts where he is in bright light. Where parts of his face aren't as bright, tone down the saturation and brightness a bit.
  
  Going back to the photo here, you can see that her skin is pinkest where the light is bright (ignoring the shiny bits for the moment). You can see it in here hair, too. Where her hair is in bright light, it is very vividly colored.
  
  ---
  
  Now let's talk about the last section, the part that receives a specular highlight. The specular highlight is the part that is so bright that it gets washed out. There is very little (if any) color; it's usually just bright white (assuming the light source is also close to white).
  
  The shinier the object is, the smaller and sharper the specular highlight becomes, and the more it reflects the shape of the light source.
  
  The more matte the object is, the wider and duller the specular highlight becomes. It's worth noting that even objects that you wouldn't expect to have a specular highlight often still do; it's just very subtle, like on this cardboard tube.
  
  Also, the harsher the light is, the bigger and brighter the specular highlight will be. Even matte objects can get overexposed under the right conditions. But no matter how big or bright a specular highlight is, it will never occur in a place that is in shadow (assuming only a single light source; as you add more light sources, things get complicated--and keep in mind that nearby reflective surfaces do act as minor secondary light sources).
  
  When painting a face, think about the parts of the face that are the most oily or glossy. These tend to be the eyelids, the lips, the nose, the scalp (on bald people), the eyeballs, and so on. These are places you'll see smaller, brighter specular highlights. Perhaps needless to say, sweat also adds glossiness, while makeup tends to remove glossiness.
  
  ---
  
  If you want to learn more or if you want these concepts explained better, I highly recommend this book.
  
  Also, this is intended for pixel artists, but you may be interested in this tutorial, which illustrates a common method for creating a rich, harmonious color palette for matte objects.

I usually only use cookbooks that are also textbooks for culinary art students. The CIA has a textbook that is phenomenal. I used to own a textbook from the western culinary institute in Portland, which is now a cordon bleu school and I dont know what they use. Those books will teach you the basics of fine cooking. Ratio is also a great book because it gives you the tools to create your own recipes using what real culinary professionals use: ratios of basic ingredients to create the desired dish.

But the creme de la creme of culinary arts books is this crazy encyclopedia of ingredients called On food and cooking: the science and lore of the kitchen. It is invaluable. It should not be the first book you buy (if youre a newbie) but it should be your most well thumbed.

For a sauce pan what you want is something with straight sides. Sautee pans have are a good substitute, but often have bases that have too wide a diameter for perfect sauces. Fine saucepots are made of copper for even heat transfer. Stainless steel is also a good substitute. What you have there is something of a hybrid between a skillet and a saucepot. Its more like a chicken fryer or something. At the restaurant we use stainless steel skillets for absolutely everything to order: sauces, fried oysters, what have you. But when you get down to the finest you need to fine a real saucepot: 2-3 qts will do, straight sides, made of copper. teach a man to fish

I dont really know how to teach you the varied tricks and such. It is something that I pick up by listening to the varied cooks and chefs I work with. What I would advise you is to watch cooking shows and read recipes and pay a lot of attention to what they are doing. Half of the things I know I dont know why I do them, just that they produce superior results. Or, consequently I would have a hot pan thrown at me if I did not do them. And I mean these are just ridiculous nuances of cooking. I was reading The Art of French Cooking and learned that you should not mix your egg yolks and sugar too early when making creme brulee because it will produce and inferior cooking and look like it has become curdled. That is a drop in the bucket to perfect creme brulee making, but it is part of the process.

I wish I could be more help, but the best advice I could give you to become the cook you want to be is go to school. Or barring that (it is a ridiculous expense) get a job cooking. Neither of those things are very efficient, but it is the best way to learn those little things.

Collections or Categories, it doesn't really matter - what matters is that A) you're consistent, and B) they are self-evident (clear). In other words, you need to endeavor so that a customer is not going to be surprised when they click on a section. Understand that a customer is always going to have some expectation when deciding to click on a category, and that expectation will range from something as straightforward as:

"I am looking for rings, so I am clicking on the 'Rings' section and I expect to see a bunch of rings"

to

"I see 'Tree of Life' and I know that nature-y things appeal to me, so when I click on 'Tree of Life' I expect to see things that are all clearly related to one another thematically in some way AND I can clearly see why this collection is called 'Tree of Life' through the general brand/theme conveyed by this collection of products."

Therefore, in the first example if a customer clicks on 'Rings' and sees some rings as well as bracelets and necklaces....that customer is surprised. Pretty straightforward. In the second example, if a customer clicks on 'Tree of Life' and sees a bunch of jewelry that really doesn't look like it's thematically tied together in some way AND/OR that jewelry is really not conveying the theme (maybe it's all industrial/steampunk stuff) - that customer is surprised. Surprise comes from when expectations are not met, and in this case customers being surprised will lead to disappointment and frustration. Having consistency and clarity will reduce customer confusion/frustration, and that will keep curious customers from bailing out of your store.

That said, as demonstrated above, it is generally much easier to be both consistent and self-evident with Categories, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is better. As you rightly point out, if you have a strong brand that resonates with your customers, the Collections approach can actually be a pretty powerful way to expose your products to your customer and snag sales you otherwise wouldn't have. It just takes a lot more work to maintain consistency and clarity with Collections because it depends on having strong, clear branding. With that in mind, I think if you go the Collections route you really, really, really need to be very careful and deliberate about it in order to maintain consistency and clarity - but if you do it right, you will go farrrrrr.

As an aside, I strongly recommend the book "Don't Make Me Think: A Common Sense Approach to Web Usability" by Steve Krug. It was originally intended to teach user experience and human-centered design principles to web designers, but honestly it's one of the best damn books out there for anyone trying to convey information of any kind on the internet. It's short and awesome and the world would be a better place if more people read it and practiced its principles.

I’m a print and basic web designer that’s been making an overhaul towards UI/UX the past few months so maybe I can offer some help. I’m actually working on a mobile app’s case study as we speak! You may have already noticed that UI/UX tends to get many different definitions depending on who you ask. With this said the path I took was focused on research methods (competitor research, demographic research, user testing, etc), UX deliverables (personas, user flows, wireframes, etc), prototyping, high-fidelity design and front-end coding (I’ll touch on that a little more in a bit).

 

When it comes to UX research I found the following resources immensely helpful:


Books (Reading? Yes, reading. Trust me these are worth checking out…pretty short too)

• Don't Make Me Think
  
  
• UX Team of One
  
  
• Lean UX
  
  
  Podcasts (Listen on your commute, while you’re folding laundry, whenever)
  
  
  
• User Defenders Podcast
  
  
  Websites (It’s also a good idea to Google some successful UX designer’s portfolios)
  
  
  
• UX Mag
  
  
• Reddit User Experience
  
  
• “How I Became a Unicorn” <— Seriously check this out
  
   
  
  Basically what UX teaches you is that all design decisions need to be backed by an informed reason. That reason is found by doing proper research and testing.
  
   
  
  Now for UI design. There’s always Bechance and Dribble for inspiration, but a lot of the pieces you find on there lack context and are merely pretty to look at. So don’t get too obsessed. For software, personally, I’m a Photoshop to Sketch convert. It’s $100 but MAN is it worth it. There’s a number of things that make Sketch attractive (vector based, easy exporting, etc) but I guess the simplest way I can put it is that Sketch just feels…lighter than Photoshop. But it’s really personal preference, if you’re a master at using Photoshop for web design then don’t feel like you have to get Sketch. With that said I HIGHLY recommend investing in Meng To’s Design+Code. While it mainly focuses on iOS design, there is a lot of information that goes across the board for UI design, and it will give you an organized learning method (plus a discount on Sketch).
  
   
  
  It’s also a good idea to familiarize yourself with Material Design. Google’s presentation of the topic gets a little too in-depth at times so you may just want to Google search for other explanations of Material Design (that’s a bit ironic huh?).
  
   
  
  Okay so now you know how to design a basic UI right? Well what if you want to make your designs interactive? There’s quite a bit to benefit from actually seeing your designs work (or not work). Over the past couple years there’s been a gigantic influx of prototyping programs. They all have their pros and cons. Personally I use Pixate but at times it can be a little restricting. My iOS developer friend recommends Origami, it has a pretty steep learning curve but I think I may switch to that at some point.
  
   
  
  The key to becoming effective at UI design is the same with any other form of design: practice, practice, practice.
  
   
  
  Okay, now on to coding:
  
   
  
  Depending on your goals you may have to alter your studies a bit. For example, knowing your way around HTML/CSS and jQuery will give you more control of the design process, improve your relationship with developers on your team and make you EXTREMELY marketable. However, in many cases, only a basic knowledge of those languages I mentioned is required (jQuery being more of a bonus). As a designer you may not even touch the coding side of things at all, it really just depends on the team you’re working with. With that said I HIGHLY suggest taking a dive into front-end coding eventually, you’ll hate yourself for not learning it earlier. Ditch dreamweaver too, pickup SublimeText. Team Treehouse and CodeAcademy are fan-fucking-tastic. Learned a lot from their education programs.
  
   
  
  Whew, if that seems like a lot it’s because it is. Hopefully I broke it down into digestible chunks though. Remember, design is a never-ending learning experience. Don’t stop learning.

1. Read everything you can. Lean/Agile methodology books. Don't Make me think. Any and all articles you can find online. The Neilsen Norman Group. There are a ton of half truths and BS floating around the industry, so when you really know every side of the argument that is being discussed, you will impress people. "Well i know people used to say 5 users is the magic number, but I'm much more interested in Jared Spool's ideology that a team needs to be talking to 5 users every sprint". Which reminds me - I use twitter just for professional uses and it helps me get a pulse on what my professional colleagues are thinking and doing. I highly recommend this. I can throw out some good accounts if you are interested.
   
   
2. Do you mean is it easy to break in to the industry? I managed to get an internship at a start-up here in the midwest with a degree in philosophy. Your post makes it appear that you are hungry to learn and interested in the field. That should come out in any interviews.
   
   
3. In my experience, UX practitioners have a very wide range of backgrounds. Yes, if you have an HCI degree, you're going to get an easy job and a great salary. I think you have more than a good chance of breaking in. Knowing the little we do about you, I would say it might be a boon to you if you lean on your technical/mathematics background and focus on learning how to create/run/synthesize good user tests and research. I may be saying that because that's what I want to do.
   
   PLEASE take everything I've said as being directed towards a UX field. If you are looking more into UI design, you may need some additional training/schooling.

hmm. Where to get started. Learn the gestalt principles of visual design. If you're designing interfaces - these little tips will help you associate, and differentiate well enough to be able to direct attention like a conductor.

Learn to do everything deliberately. If you don't have a reason for something, you're not designing, you're arting. Know the difference and when each is appropriate. For example - want a big splash screen with a fancy colorful image? Is it so you can attract the user to a particular part of the screen? Or is it because you have some extra space and feel like filling it with something. If it's the former, go for it. If it's the latter - you're just making an art project.

Learn about design methodologies, from a university if possible. Industrial design technique is very good for digital problem solving as well. Defining a problem, exploring solutions, and determining a valuable path are things that will help you in every project.

Understand why you are doing what you are doing. And who are you doing it for. Never go past page one without establishing those facts.

Stats will help you in that do everything intentionally part. If you can say 80 of people do this, 20 percent of people do that, you can from this say, that this gets center position, bright colors, dark shadow and lots of negative space. That thing that 20 percent of people do, gets bottom right, lowER contrast, and is there for people that expect it.

Good luck, conferences will help. Podcasts will help. Reading interviews from design teams at larger companies will help.

Asking reddit will help. What you should ask for is paid time off to study lol. Good luck.


edit:
Also get this book universal principles of design I think there's a pocket version. This teaches you what works and why and when to use it.


Get the design of every day things. This book teaches you what good design is. It asks the questions - what is design. When is design good. What is an affordance? How do we signal what things do what? How does all that work? Is a coffee cup good design? What about a scissors? How about google.com vs yahoo.com...

Check out don't make me think... or just think about the title for an hour and pretend you read the book.

a popular one now is hooked. Pavlov's dog experiments except with people, basically operant conditioning for designers.

And learn about grid systems and bootstrap for prototyping. Get a prototyping account. For something, proto.io, invision, framerjs.... Invest in omingraffle and sketch, get a creative cloud license if need be. You will need to show people things a lot. You will need to convince people of your ideas and your paths. You will need to constantly throw together quick and dirty visualizations of what you want to say. Invest in tools that make it simple.

Learn how to sell your ideas. You will be asked a ton of questions as people poke holes in your design. You need to figure out how to soothe their worries. They will your decisions, and you will have to show them that you have the answer. Learn how to present. Learn public speaking. Learn how to communicate with superiors. Learn how to talk with programmers. Learn how to give the programmers what they want from you. Learn how to negotiate, learn how to deliver on time. Learn how to handle stress.

Good luck.

• Rules for emails (both Outlook and GMail do this decently, presumably the rest do too by now). Some of the automated ones (e.g., build mails) I automatically mark as read because I don't need to see them as they come out but I may need to look back through the folder for recent builds occasionally.
  
  
• OneNote. Wikis have their place (and if you want one, set one up on your machine; there are plenty of free ones where that's easy, and other people may be able to use it too if you want them to), but OneNote is very slick and it's one of my sine qua non tools. (Disclosure: I worked at Microsoft. Not on OneNote, but in Office.)
  
  
• If you manage people, then you need to ensure that some of those emails (once you remove the unnecessary ones) go to people that work for you. Delegate.
  
  
• In terms of TODO list-type organization and prioritizing, I use David Allen's Getthing Things Done system; it's simple and clarifying. Find a copy at your library if you don't want to buy it. I've adapted the system for OneNote.
  
  
• If you can find or argue for time to step back, take a breath, and determine what tools or issues can be fixed by investing some development time (e.g., the not-authenticating one looks like low-hanging fruit), write up some brief proposals based on your experience (and by "proposal" I just mean: "this is what we have now, this is how much time it's costing us; here's a fix/alternative/better way, which I estimate will take X hours of time to build and test and Y hours to train people on, saving Z hours a week after it's in place"; the director doesn't want to read a novel any more than you want to write one).
  
  
• "My struggles" is nice, "my solutions to my problems—the company's problems—that I would like your help/feedback on" is better.
  
  A lot of it seems low-hanging (e.g., installing a version control system and committing versions and giving them tags based on that, and having apps report their version or revision, perhaps tracking it in a wiki page); it's just gotten so frenzied that people are too busy with the urgent to get to the important matters that could improve the system (someone wrote a great piece on this called "The tyranny of the urgent").
  
  Fixing a number of these low-hanging items would certainly look good (and if you're not a manager, something to point to at a review). You haven't mentioned whether management is aware of the problem or supportive of systemic fixes; how you proceed largely depends on that. Good luck.

I'm 38 now, but I woke up when I was almost 30. I felt the same way; that I had to start over again on a worldview. When I went back to college, I took every single class I could think of that the Watchtower Society would frown upon. For science, I took anthropology (emphasis on human biological evolution), astronomy, biology, geology, and earth history; lecture and lab for all classes. I also took anthropology of religion, magic, and witchcraft. I took an advanced upper level English course with an emphasis of ancient mythology. I took four philosophy classes, intro to philosophy, logic in practice, critical thinking and composition, and philosophy of religion. All of this served as a foundation for a secular worldview.

First and foremost, you need to learn how to think and not what to think. This is where philosophy comes in. An Introductory Philosophy class at a local community college is a great start. Logic, particularly informal logic and logical fallacies should be learned first. Identifying logical fallacies is what will help you differentiate between good information and bad information. The reason the Watchtower Society admonishes against higher education, is because a critical thinking component is generally a standard part of a General Education guideline. A first year college freshman will learn the intellectual tools necessary to recognize the logical fallacies, rhetoric, and deceptive tactics used by politicians, advertisers, and religious authorities, such as Watchtower. If you can't take a philosophy class, search YouTube for "Philosophy for beginners" and then search "informal logic for beginners". Once you have a full understanding of logical fallacies (which is part of informal logic), you will become dismayed of how much Watchtower uses them, and how JWs are oblivious to this. You'll see it in politics and union propaganda as well, so there are other benefits too. On a side note, this video was shown in my Introductory Philosophy and Philosophy of Religion classes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69F7GhASOdM There are striking parallels to waking up from the JW religion and Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Going back into the cave is not an option.

With the background of learning how to think, topics in science, and everything else comes a lot easier. Although courses in anthropology, biology, and earth history (which includes history of life on earth) do teach evolution, the basics of biological evolution can be found on YouTube by searching "evolution for dummies". Once you understand what it is, then look at the evidence for evolution. This is an important second step, because unlike Creationism, there are tons of evidence for evolution. This is where the "aha" moments comes from. I recommend this article by the Khan Academy: https://www.khanacademy.org/science/biology/her/evolution-and-natural-selection/a/lines-of-evidence-for-evolution I also recommend the book Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne. He goes into detail the five pillars of evidence for evolution; comparative anatomy, genetics, biogeography, and embryology. This book is found in most public libraries, so you can check it out for free get it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Evolution-True-Jerry-Coyne/dp/0143116649 Also, check out the Foundational Falsehoods of Creationism series on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnJX68ELbAY&list=PL126AFB53A6F002CC

Understand that learning all of this is not easy. It takes time and patience. But the payoff in the end is well worth it. It's not like going to a meeting and hearing the same recycled drivel over and over again. I'm still not refined on a political position. All I can say is that I do not identify with any party because doing so obligates me to defend that platform. I like certain things from each party, and I vote accordingly. However, you can take an online "what political party am I quiz" to get a sense of where you are.

Depends on how old you are.

• Middle school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but I don't think I can read those books now (29) without cringing a little bit. Especially, Getting Things Done because I already know how to make to do list, but I still flip through all 3 books occastionally.
  
  
• High school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but if you're a well adjusted human and responsible adult, then I don't think you'll find a lot of helpful advice from these 6 books so far because it'll be pretty basic information.
  
  
• College: I really enjoyed this, this, and started doing Malcolm Gladwell books. The checklist book helped me get more organized and So Good They Can't Ignore You was helpful starting my career path.
  
• Graduate School: I really enjoyed this, this, and this. I already stopped with most "self help" books and reading more about how to manage my money or books that looked interesting like Stiff.
  
  
• Currently: I'm working on this, this, and this. Now I'm reading mostly for fun, but all three of these books are way out of my league and I have no idea what their talking about, but they're areas of my interest. History and AI.

How and where to learn web design depends a bit on what your learning style is. If you prefer sitting in a classroom and having someone guide you, then you may wish to take classes. Personally, I do my best learning when I have a book in front of me and can play around with ideas as well as skip ahead or repeat chapters.

One of the best books for designers I have found is this little gem:
http://www.amazon.com/HTML-CSS-Design-Build-Websites/dp/1118008189/

Its a pretty good book for those who know little to nothing about web design. But I think the best part about the book is the way it is designed. You can tell just by flipping through the pages that the author is a designer, not just some code monkey. There are also a plethora of images so you can see the link between what the code looks like and how it affects the look of a page.

HTML and CSS are mandatory for doing web design. Java and Flash are completely optional depending on your job. Java is an actual programming language that allows you to run programs on their own or even within a web browser. It looks great on a resume and you may find jobs that want you to know it, but for right now I wouldn't worry too much about it. Flash is mostly used for animations and user interaction, however, it is slowly being overshadowed by HTML5. It is still a big deal though, so knowing it can be very useful. If you did want to go beyond your basic HTML/CSS my recommendation would be Javascript and PHP. Both are extremely common scripting languages and worth at least being familiar with.

As far as software, you can start designing with a simple text editor really Notepad or the Mac equivalent. But I would recommend something a tad more advanced. For something free and simple I would check out Notepad++ ( http://notepad-plus-plus.org/ ). Personally I use Dreamweaver because I get it as part of my Creative Cloud subscription. It does off a lot of useful features and plays well with Photoshop/Illustrator/Flash, but in the end those bonus features are just that: a bonus.

I'll be honest with you, I don't think Head First Java would be a good choice, however DO READ Clean Code. I also suggest Design Patterns: Elements of Reusable Object-Oriented Software and Working Effectively with Legacy Code. The first is a classic MUST READ for anyone in software development. It present numerous challenges that most of us will face when developing solutions, and gives you the design patterns you will need to solve them. The second is great for learning how to fix your predecessors shitty code, you'll need this one. If you haven't already, look up Bob Buzzard and Andy Fawcett. These two guys are my favorite SFDC Dev Bloggers. I also suggest watching any Salesforce Webinar that has anything to do with code, especially security stuff.


Practice makes perfect, except for us there is no perfect, just better. Know your best practices and live by them. With everything you do ask how can I make it better? Faster? More efficient? Do I even need code, or will Workflow/Process Builder/Flow do? How can I write code, so that an Admin can customize it without any code?

> Based on code reviews--my code is pretty good, with good logic and pretty well laid out.

This is actually VERY important, having good logic is obviously crucial, but being well laid out is a kind of hidden requirement with code. You or somebody else will eventually need to maintain your code, if it's laid out well it should hopefully be easy to read and maintain.

When you write code do your best to incorporate declarative features so that further customization can be done without code (I know I said this earlier, but I think it's important). Need to write some code that uses an arbitrary set of fields, consider using Field Sets. An Admin can add/remove them without code. Maybe use a Custom Setting, or Custom Metadata to map fields to values.

Learn how to use Describe calls for everything. Need to write some code that catches dupes and merges them? Don't hard code the values, then nobody will be able to remove or add fields without updating code. Instead use Describe calls, now you get every field on the object forever. Need to remove a field from an object no problem. Need to add a field to an object no problem. Does your losing record have child records that need to be reparented? Don't hard code, use Describe calls to get all sObjects with a Child Relationship. Use Describe to find out if it can be directly reparented or if it needs to be clones (CampaignMembers can't reparent a LeadId to a new Lead. You MUST clone and add the new Lead Id).

How much do you know about HTML? CSS? JavaScript? JQuery? Visualforce? Learn 'em. Lightning is coming, and these are going to be more important than ever (except maybe Jquery).

Practice, practice, practice. One coding assignment per month isn't that bad, but if you get some work done early and you have an hour or two to spare, work on a side project. Can you think of something in your company that could be automated, spin up a Dev Org and give it a shot. Maybe your Sales people could use a new VF page for entering information just a little quicker.

Always seek to improve your code. Always seek new ideas and better ways of doing things.

Trailhead is good, do all the coding ones you can find, it's more practice!

It's fun, although unconventional. People may have trouble navigating your site because of the layout. The movement of all the site elements also has my eyes bouncing up and around as I scroll through the page. Is it critical that those navigational elements scroll with the visitor?

The design you have to display work progress is clever ( I would love this if I were a backer), but I'm not sure it works in the scrolling format you have now.

An image of a face will draw the attention of visitors to what you want them to do. Right now, my attention gets drawn to the bouncing navigation bar, which fights with the video for attention through movement.

I think what you want the visitor to do is play the demo and then become a backer based on their enjoyment of that. Is that correct? The cute three liner of features does not convert me into a demo downloader. The other box of features gets me a little closer, but I'm still confused as to what your game actually is. The video makes it look like HOMM with more units.

I would think hard about what you want the person to do and then design it around that. You want to guide the visitor down a path that leads them to the single action that you want them to make. Once they go down that path, then they can explore the other site content (like the bestiary and so on).

Here's my take:

Good

• Art style. Games should be fun. This is a fun page.
  
• Font. Makes me think of old-school print ads for games that used to be in comic books.
  
• The icons are fantastic in terms of the art.
  
• Title. Makes me think of a children's book; reminiscent of a Roald Dahl title. I hope it's intended for children, maybe 10-14 -- am I off base?
  
  'Needs Improvement'
  
  
• Font colors are not appropriate for the background. High contrast text is easier to read. I'm OK with the bolds being differently colored, but a designer might disagree.
  
• Iconography is not labeled, and you must mouseover to learn what it means. If I am landing on this page from somewhere else, it's confusing.
  
• The copy is too heavy on features and not enough on the benefits. Few people buy things based on features. They buy things based on what the features will do for them.
  
• There is no hierarchy to the icons on the navigation bar. See 'suggested reading' for more on why this is an issue.
  
• Center orientation is unconventional, but I can live with that because I'm a fan of columns and think more websites need to use them to improve readability.
  
  Suggested Reading
  
  Don't Make Me Think by Steve Krug
  
  This is an industry standard book on web design that is still applicable today and is well-regarded.
  
  If you believe that your current design is strong, do a coffee shop usability test where you take a laptop and buy coffee for random people, ask them to accomplish one of your site objectives, give them a short survey, and watch how they do without providing them with any assistance.

> Please tell me you don't expect people's websites to fit into a pixel grid and follow the mockup precisely.

D I do the transfer from mockup to code, so everything fits precisely to my specification hehehe. When I am transferring other people's mockups, I try and follow the mockup as closely as possible. Sometimes the mockups are not precise, themselves so I edit them.

> Where can I actually learn more about how to design from the ground up? I'm working on a site that has no existing analog, so I can't just look at how other people have done the same thing and mimic them. I don't even know what to put on what pages.

Hm, I would need some more information to give you good advice. Try and imagine a scenario where a customer is using your site. What is their main goal when using it? Can you simplify the process of them achieving this goal? Any less important goals? What are your main goals with the site? Where would the most logical place for various elements around the site be?

Read Don't make me think for a great usability primer. PM me if you want any more help.

> I thought Gimp did have adjustment layers. At the very least, you can set the blending mode for a layer in such a way that it effectively adjusts one thing in the overall image.

Can it place for example a Hue and Saturation filter on its own layer like Photoshop? I don't want to copy everything into a new layer, apply filter there and then mask or whatever.

> I think the cited reason for the lack of CMYK in Gimp is that they feel Gimp is specifically for image editing, not printing; Photoshop was originally created specifically for printing.

Right, PS started that way but then it evolved. I think GIMP should mimic a lot of PS functionality if they want to see pros switching.

> The .psd support is really lacking. I don't have any way of testing Krita's .psd support... But I do know that if I export a file as .psd from Krita, it doesn't open correctly in Gimp. Specifically, any text objects simply vanish. That's all I've tested, though. Granted, it doesn't exactly import into Krita perfectly either, even though it was saved from there...

Yep. If I receive a .psd from a client I need to be able to open it without any glitches. Currently it doesn't.

> If 'Blending options' in your post corresponds to this post about 'Blending Modes', yes, and Gimp has had them for a very long time. I refer to them earlier in this post, talking about adjustment layers (since I'm otherwise somewhat not sure what you mean by an adjustment layer).

I'm actually talking about the option titled Blending Options which you can select when you right click on a layer in PS. This brings up a Layer Style dialog box with a ton of options. Now, GIMP might have similar functionality scattered around, but I haven't found it yet and it's very useful as I use that dialog box constantly.

> I looked up adjustment layers. Gimp does not have them, but most people say a lot of their functionality - but not all of it - can be made up for with blending modes applied to layers 'above' the layer you want to adjust.

Hassle!

> Also, the APIs necessary for adjustment layers are coming in 2.10, after which they have the technological capability to make them.

That's good to hear. They have made great progress and I am sure they'll see their numbers rise if they get closer to PS functionality.

Another thing I forgot to mention, a minor gripe I have with GIMP's UI - I think the cursor and the selecting bounding boxes look clunky instead of precise. The tools should look and feel precise (as well as be precise), and I think GIMP is lacking here. Compare PS to GIMP and you'll see what I mean.

I'm glad to hear that, though it's a shame to hear he's that sensitive about it. That's another reason I'd recommend against the gallery system (which I'm not a part of myself); many of my peers are and to be honest it's a very...unkind system.

I don't consider myself a sensitive artist but I deal with them on a regular basis so i understand your plight all too well. I might have an idea for how to help that. I recently bought this book, it's by James Gurney the author of the blog I linked to in the sub-comment of this. It could be an excellent christmas gift and at only $16 it won't break the bank. It's probably the single greatest book I've encountered about painting. It's succinct and well written and relies mostly on examples rather than big blocks of text. And if you decided to give it to him you could play it off pretty naieve like, "I know you like painting, here's a cool book about painting!" and probably not hurt his feelings.

Just an idea, might be a good way to circumvent the "sensitive artist" but still give him a good resource to improve.

In any case I salute your effort! Tell him to keep at it :D

I understand the 'put my foot down' mentality you're going for, but from what you've written it comes off as coming from a place of insecurity. Yes you have to establish boundaries for what you consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, but more importantly you have to recognize when you're doing things reactionarily to others or if you're truly acting out of self respect. The author Ayn Rand discusses this concept in Fountainhead,

>"Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder." Fountainhead Chapter IX, Part 4, pp. 605

Are you doing things to show others you have self-respect and boundaries, boundaries which are defined by reactions of others, or do you have self-defined boundaries developed out of self-respect.

I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism rather than an attack on your person.

Ok let's be real for a second. You were fairly invested in her and she didn't reciprocate. She sent some signals of disinterest that you picked up on 'acting distant and not making an effort to message me', then she sent a soft rejection, 'I'm busy' (I'm guessing she didn't propose another time by saying something like 'I'm busy but I can do this Saturday').

Because you were still invested in her, you pushed through the indicators and tried to get her to return investment in you by [demonstrating value] initiating conversation, cracking jokes and being nice. She didn't respond for a few weeks and then you 'put your foot down' and unfriended her. That's not establishing boundaries, that's acting reactionarily out of a place of insecurity.

Let's talk about what you could've done differently, and the underlying mindset behind what you did in comparison.

• I don't know how the date actually went, clearly there was a different perception of how the date went. Let's skip that since there's no way of figuring it out.
  
• She said she was busy and didn't make an effort to reschedule. This is often the biggest hint you will get, you can't blame girls for doing this rather than being upfront because A) EDIT: Most guys take rejection poorly, and some guys are actually psycho B) You expect them to be confrontational exclusively your benefit. By continuing to message her, and demonstrating value, all you're doing is sending the message 'I'm socially tone deaf. I'm needy and invested in you so I'm trying to show I have value so you return investment'. Instead you could've said "Hey I had a great time with you, you know how to reach me if you wanna meet up again.' then just walked away. That comes from a place of 'This genuine, I have the social grace to recognize your disinterest and respect it, I value myself and haven't invested too much into you but I think you're interesting so let me know if you change your mind, otherwise I'm doing my own thing".
  
• When she becomes unresponsive after a 'I'm busy', it's 100% clear she's not interested, You 'put your foot down' and unfriended her... what you really did was try to show her that you have boundaries and 'punish' her by unfriending her in a, quite honestly, petty juvenile way. If we're brutally honest, she probably didn't have you on her mind during those few weeks, and you unfriending her is you making yourself feel better about the whole situation in a vindictive manner that she probably didn't notice. You already wasted your time by brushing past her disinterest signals, that's on you.
  
• In a comment below you said 'There’s a girl there who is cute and she asked to hang out with me and I said I was busy even though I wasn’t 😅'. Seriously dude? That's a little cringy. You're playing games and being disingenuous to demonstrate value. It's a move that comes out of insecurity, 'I'll pretend I'm busier than I actually am."
  
  Here are a few books which I think may be helpful for you to read.
  
  Subtle art of not giving a fuck
  
  Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.


I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.


Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.


>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.


Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.


If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.


>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.


Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.


>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.


Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.


Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?


Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed


Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works

Freakonomics

Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird


Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives


Empathy Building:


Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.



Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.



All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

Well, I know UI and UX are not interchangable terms, but if you want to build UI's, either get really good at front end design at a smaller shop and design things yourself, OR go into User Experience Design, Interaction Design, or Human Computer Interaction (there's lots of names for things) and work on larger teams.

And they don't actually "do" any one thing on a daily basis. And differences between stakeholder needs, legacy, scope, and testing methods will radically change a project.

But here are some examples of stuff I've done in my first year doing freelance UX work:

• I interviewed pediatric cancer survivors about their daily web habits and discovered the majority of them use their mobile phones for the bulk of their web browsing. So I wireframed a responsive site with hosted videos and a private comment section for learning about post-remission care and facilitate discussion between patients. I then sent those wireframes off to a front end developer.
  
  
• My cousin's cupcake bakery was getting good traffic from social media (folks on Pinterest love cute cupcakes), but wasn't getting a lot of people actually using their site to order anything. So I organized some "guerilla user testing" offering cupcakes for a couple of minutes of folk's time and found that the online ordering process was poorly documented. I changed some WordPress plugins around on their site, changed the button size and copy on the site to make things more transparent, and checkout cart transactions online went up more than a third.
  
  
• A local museum was in the process of changing their site around, so I helped set up an A/B test using Optimizely to figure out what best drove folks to the membership signup page. I got 50 billable hours out of it and went to a lot of meetings were I had to explain in plain English what I was doing.
  
  So there's no one thing you'd be doing if you dedicated yourself to UI design. There's elements of project management, front end development, graphic design, behavorial pyschology, and marketing in your toolbox and you just need to figure out what works best with what project.
  
  As for schools: My degree is in "Interactive Arts and Media" from a local art school, but my boss on the cancer project studied Ancient Roman History and another UX pal I worked with studied Feminist Literature at an Ivy League school. So there's really no "path" per se.
  
  > I need a structured environment
  
  Well, this is the bad news... design tends to be a passion for people, which attracts self-starters. This isn't really a framework for what we do because it's not an exact science. So you kind of need to be able to discipline yourself.
  
  But don't worry! I was like you too, and I figured it out because I have a passion for it.
  
  My favorite book (and it's a classic) is Steve Krug's "Don't Make Me Think." I've got like three or four used copies around my house because I loan them out a lot. And if you're close to a big college, they probably have a bunch of used copies for less than $10. But it's a great intro to how people look at interfaces and how folks gets started doing this work, and probably a good starting off point if you think this is for you.

I found Lynda.com to be extremely dry and slow. To me it was the equivalent of those old school mandated educational movies you would watch in classrooms back in the 90s on your faux-wood tv. Take this opinion with a grain of salt though as it has been almost two years since I have looked at anything on Lynda, I hear it may be better today.

If you are looking for web development in particular I would suggest the following:

• Codeademy - Free and very good at introducing basic web development skills.
  
• Team Treehouse - Paid subscription but well worth it in my opinion as they will walk you through everything from the most basic HTML to building advanced JavaScript applications.
  
• CodeSchool - CodeSchool tends to be more advanced and I would wait until you have a strong grasp on your HTML, CSS and JavaScript before investing in their coursework.
  
  In addition, StackOverflow; A general programming Q&A website, has an answer to just about any programming issue you may be running into. If the answer is not already there, then chances are you will have one within 24hours.
  
  I began my pursuit into web development about 2 years ago. In that time I have gone through the resources listed above as well as the following books which have helped immensely:
  
  
• HTML and CSS: Design and Build Websites - Ducketts whole series is extremely friendly to the new web developer and will help you build a solid foundation quite quickly.
  
• JavaScript and JQuery: Interactive Front-End Web Development - Another Duckett book which was just released focusing primarily on JavaScript.
  
• JavaScript: The Definitive Guide - A massive JavaScript reference. It has answers to just about everything.
  
  Some personal career history if you're interested:
  
  In the last two years I have gone from making 18k a year as a Technical Support Representative to 80k a year as a Front-End Engineer building JavaScript applications at a large FDIC Bank. It was only in the last two years that I really dug into Web Development (and programming for that matter) and I really can't see myself ever doing anything else for a living. The job requires an immense amount of learning (which I love) and will keep your mind sharp. I really do get a kick out of problem solving all day. Programming will require a major adjustment to the way you think. I can say that the way I work through problems now is completely different to the way I did before. I feel as if critical thinking has eluded me until the last two years and it has been a major life changing event. By far the biggest contributing factor to my growth has been the team I work with. You have to do your best to find a team that is willing to work with you as a junior so you can siphon that knowledge. Even if that means taking a low paying job, however; know your worth so that you can ask for the right amount of money once you have gained the necessary skills. As a personal rule of thumb, I will not stay at a company where I am the most knowledgable member of the team. This inhibits growth as a developer and will prevent me from realizing my true potential.
  
  Feel free to hit me up if you have any questions.
  
  
  

/u/legeng Thank you for such s terrifically detailed reply. I will be going through each section in detail.

I think I mentioned it, but I'm a huge John Gruber fan, perhaps not so much his content, as I know Macs well on my own, but for the pieces he writes. Well researched, putting him at a huge time disadvantage, which seems to matter little to hostesses and me.

I would rather read a well trusted article, something I brliebe I can cite as he doesn't write much conjecture, except when he clearly is/does.

He has the advantage of many willing people who work within the walled garden of Apple to feed him data.

I seem to recall he lives by a book called The Elements of Style

I wonder: How important a book like this is?

Part of me says "get writing", get pre-releases into the communities I will be targeting. Then the programmer in me says, always read the documentation first :)

Thank you /u/legeng and /u/everyone-else-who-helped-me-out-here. I truly appreciate the honesty and candidness of your replies. Great sub-reddit.

This probably isn't the most helpful answer, but any resources I might have used to learn the fundamentals myself are probably pretty outdated now. Honestly I'd just try to find highly rated books on Amazon that are reasonably priced. I haven't read this one for psych research methods, but looking through the table of contents, it covers a lot of what I'd expect (ethics, validity and reliability, study design and common methods) and according to the reviews it's clear, concise, and has good stats info in the appendix. I had a similar "handbook" style textbook in undergrad that I liked. For practicing stats, I'm personally more of a learn-by-doing kind of person, and there are some free courses out there like this one from Khan Academy that covers the basics fairly well.

But if you can, take courses in college as electives! Chances are you'll have a few to fill (or maybe audit some if you can't get credit), so go outside of HCDE's offerings to get some complementary skills in research or design. I usually find classrooms to be more engaging than trying to get through a textbook at home on my own, and especially for psych research methods, you'll probably have a project that gives you hands-on experience doing research with human subjects (most likely your peers). There are lots of free online courses out there as well if you aren't able to take them for credit.

You guys are making me miss school.

Getting specifically into UX self-study, in addition to a UX-specific research methods book (this is a newer version of one I read in school) I'd also go through the UX classics like Don Norman's The Design of Everyday Things and Emotional Design, Krug's Don't Make Me Think, and Casey's Set Phasers on Stun (this last one being more of a fun read than a practical one).

> Another thing I want to know is which programming languages/tools I should read up on. In my experience I've pretty much only used Java, Git and some basic HTML/CSS and Javascript. I know this is largely dependent on which team I end up on, but I might as well read up on something in the few weeks between graduation and my start date (early July).

AFAIK, we only use Java for the Android versions of our mobile products (MyChart for mobile; and Haiku). Most of our applications use HTML/CSS/JS, though, with use of these technologies increasing as we move away from VB6.

We do not use Git; instead, we use SVN. Maybe spend an hour learning how SVN differs from Git, if you'd like. But a lot of our SVN workflows have an extra layer of automation and hand-holding on top, so realistically, a deep knowledge of SVN isn't particularly useful or necessary for most developers.

I assume you've heard we use VB6 and M. Our internal training materials for these languages is superior to anything you'll find outside Epic. Don't bother hunting through an antique books store for tomes on either of them.

If you're bored and want to learn some job-relevant stuff, consider the following:

• C# and ASP.NET. You'll very likely be trained in C# during your first month or two here, but it doesn't hurt to have a head start. You'll also be trained in the framework that we implement on top of ASP.NET. You never really learn about the ASP.NET layer directly, which is a bit unfortunate; I think it would be good for you to do some reading about that.
  
• TypeScript. We'll have started switching over from JS to TypeScript by the time you get here. You may not understand how awesome this is. Trust me: it's mindblowingly awesome. TypeScript alleviates the pain of development for the web browser in a way that almost no other language/framework does (you have to start getting into esoterica like Emscripten to do any better than TypeScript, and then you start running into impedance mismatch issues).
  
• Learn how to think from a testing-first point of view. I estimate that less than 1% of our code is covered by some kind of automated test (a unit test, an integration test, whatever). This is part of why we have such an enormous QA division (not that QA is entirely replaceable by automated tests, obviously). I don't recommend learning any particular framework (we have internal resources for the frameworks we use). Just learn how to write testable code; how to write good tests; how to develop with testability in mind; etc. Genuine test-driven development is not really feasible for most of the projects I've looked at, but even small steps in the direction of testability help.
  
• Related to the previous point, learn how to deal with legacy code. This is not a skill you are likely to have fresh out of college, but it is a skill you will need in most software companies, and especially at old ones like Epic. The standard tome on this is "Working Effectively with Legacy Code". If you can find a cheap copy, I recommend buying it and skimming it. You probably won't really get it until you actually start working with our code, but better to be prepared than not.
  
• Find a spiritual guru and have him teach you how to attain inner peace. This will help you not rip your eyeballs out every time you have to deal with VB6.
  
  > I guess my main concern here is that I just want to know if I should expect to be putting in 60 hour weeks.
  
  I have never worked a 60-hour week at Epic (unless you count time spent sitting in airports / on airplanes as part of the workweek, in which case I've worked one 60-hour week). My typical week is 35-45 hours (which, granted, is on the low end; 40-50 is more typical).

Honestly, a lot of these replies seem to be simplifying a very complex issue. Don't take that too personally, it's very easy to stand on the sideline and shout what seems obvious.


Open relationships aren't easy. It takes a ton of trust, mistakes, fixing those mistakes, baby steps, boundary pushing, etc. You've never done this before; he's been doing it for what sounds like a long time. Of course you're unsure and scared! Of course you have negative reactions along with some hesitant positive ones! That's totally fucking normal, miss. If you think this guy is worth it, and he's been completely honest and up front this whole time, I think it's worth a shot. He'll have to work with you and go slow and be patient, but if he thinks you're worth that effort, he will make it.


Read "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton, and check out "Opening Up as well. I've found both of those to be really helpful in giving reassurance, advice, and teaching new ways to think about your relationship and to communicate with your partner.


I've been in open relationships and exclusive ones, and I've been in closed relationships that opened up for the better and visa versa. There's really no sure outcome of this, but if you both think the other is worth expanding your worldview and trying new (scary, but also trust me it can be incredibly rewarding) ways of being in love and being together... it can turn out really well. Good luck whatever you end up deciding!

Sure. Feel free to pm me any time you have a question. Remember that the folks at /r/polyamory have been known to give very good advice and anecdotes. If you live in a bigger city then there's a chance that you have a local poly community who meets up for the sake of camaraderie and advice. And do read Sex at Dawn. There's also another pretty good intro to nonmonogamy book called Opening Up

Of course, I was scared of what it would mean for my ltr relationship to open up. I was worried that it might mean I just secretly didn't love the guy, that he wasn't 'the one' (ugh, can't stand the concept of the one now that I've thought about it for a few years). I was scared that he'd meet someone new who was just so much better than me that he wouldn't need me any more (I struggled a lot with my self-esteem back then)

I had expected that I just wouldn't fall in love (a very naive assumption for an infj going into a deep, trust-based and sexual connection to a person they like) When I did start falling in love I was scared that my feelings would just transfer over to the new person as if we have finite amounts of love.

I was elated when I discovered that (much like how I still love and appreciate all of my exes even though I no longer feel 'in love' feelings for them) I was easily able to love many people, intensely. Rather than one love weakening another, it strengthened my certainty because I was going to each partner willingly, rather than because I had to love them or burn that bridge completely so that I could love someone new.

It also helped a lot because I used to make my partnership my whole identity, but now I get to play into the very different facets of my identity (and play with my injf masks) by dating different kinds of people and having totally different sorts of interactions. Some partners are very cerebral, some very physical, some very silly. I get to keep learning new people and helping them feel loved, valued and special.

Of course I still get twinges of jealousy, but I see now how it comes from being afraid that I am not good enough, valuable enough or worthy or love and commitment from others. Now that I've seen the root of the problem I am really able to grow as an adult woman. I feel far more accepting of myself now that I've gone through the wilderness of this little experiment.

That's okay, it was a formative experience. No sense beating yourself up about the past as long as you can learn from it.

It's good to keep all of these FIRE principles in mind, but don't obsess over it. Look for jobs that will help you gain new skills, specialize in something useful, and open more doors than you could have before. I recommend the book So Good They Can't Ignore You to help guide your search.

Specifically, you should sit down with every person you know who has a full-time job and ask them:

1. What is your job? What are you responsible for, and what do you do every day?
   
2. How did you get to where you are? (You can just say that question specifically--gets some interesting responses!)
   
3. What do you think I would be good at? Do I remind you of anyone you know whose job you think I could learn more about?
   
4. Can you recommend someone else with an interesting career or life that I can talk to?
   
   Rinse and repeat. There are so many millions of different jobs in the world that you can't possibly learn about just from reading. Your primary purpose here is to learn about different jobs and how people got them, but this kind of networking will also help you get a job should you decide to apply to any of the places these people work. Networking works best when you aren't asking people for anything--but there's no reason you can't go back to them weeks or months later and say, "Hey, our conversation really inspired me. I noticed department X is hiring for position Y. Do you happen to know anyone over there I could speak with to learn more about it?" etc.

This is a repost of my comment on this reddit thread

Check out harry potter and the methods of rationality.

• A Brilliant fan-fiction about Harry potter, much darker and smarter. Both informative and entertaining.
  
  Read/Learn Non Violent Communication
  
  
• Language shape our thinking, this method is absolutely brilliant and will immediately improve understanding for oneself and other people. The book & [Youtube videos] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dpk5Z7GIFs&list=PL16F02595B1BB9FA8)
  
  Start to [Meditate] (http://humanistsofmn.org/127-better-critical-thinking-through-meditation)
  
  
• Emotions and unconscious thoughts and belifs are many times very irrational. Meditation is greater for becoming more aware of them, which is the first step before critically evaluating them. Also many studies show a myriad of benefits such as: Increased happiness, better health, lower stress, increased IQ & EQ. And much more
  
  Philosophy - "love of wisdom"
  
  
• [Philosophy for Life and Other Dangerous Situations: Ancient Philosophy for Modern Problems] (http://www.amazon.com/Philosophy-Life-Other-Dangerous-Situations/dp/1608682293) , Is a great introduction to Philosophy. Very practical, will increase understanding of oneself and help in living a happy life.
  
  
• Or if you prefer video [Philosophy: Guide to Happiness] (http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/philosophy-guide-to-happiness/) , Is a great introduction to Philosophy. If you want it bite sized [School for life] (https://www.youtube.com/user/schooloflifechannel):s youtube channel is also very good.
  
  Read about rationality/critical thinking
  
  
• [Less wrong] (http://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Sequences), [Audio] (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1267969302/lesswrong-the-sequences-audiobook). Less Wrong is a community blog devoted to refining the art of human rationality. Video
  
  Learn about the common [cognitive biases] (http://www.businessinsider.com/cognitive-biases-2014-6?op=1) and [logical fallacies] (https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/)
  
  
• [Thinking fast and slow] (http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555) Is a brilliant book by Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman which shows oh so many ways we are less smart than we think. podcast
  
  
  Create some rationality habits
  
  
• [Memorize the Rationality checklist] (http://rationality.org/checklist/). anki deck (anki is an app for memorizing facts)
  
  
• Center for applied rationality have workshops (mostly in the USA).
  
  Learn about the ways Marketing/propaganda is used to influence you
  
  
• [The century of the self] (http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-century-of-the-self/). This series is about how those in power have used Freud's theories to try and control the dangerous crowd in an age of mass democracy.
  
  
  The Trivium
  
  
• General Grammar, Aristotelian Logic, and Classical Rhetoric comprise the first three rules-based subjects of the 7 Liberal Arts and Sciences. As these disciplines are learned and practiced together, they form the overarching, symbiotic system for establishing clarity and consistency of personal thought called the Trivium.
  

You might want to check out Khan Academy, which provides entirely free online courses on a huge range of subjects.

On evolution, Stated Clearly is an outstanding series of videos that break it down very simply and straightforwardly (and they're made by an ex-Christian whose education about evolution was part of his reason for leaving the religion). If you're interested in a book, the best I've seen -- and in fact maybe the best popular science book I've ever read -- is Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne. It would certainly be enough to help you decide if you'd like to read more.

If you're interested in neuroscience and the brain you might want to read How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker or The Tell-Tale Brain by V. S. Ramachandran, both of which are wide-ranging and accessibly written.

Finally, you can just search for "best science books" (or similar phrases) -- you'll find plenty of lists out there of the best books of all time, the past year, the past decade and so on. You can't go wrong just reading the top few, or if there's an area you find yourself more drawn to you can focus on that.

Above all, focus on the positive and enjoy the process of learning about these things, because it's an absolutely fascinating world out there. Have fun!

Yes! /u/throwawaypolymom, if you do want to understand more about how this really works, books really are a great resource. You don't have to be interested in implementing it yourself to understand the philosophy behind it, and they're better organized and argued than just our personal reddit anecdotes. They may be challenging (reading them made me so uncomfortable at first, because I was being challenged on deep-seated assumptions I'd been raised with), but there are some really wonderful resources out there. The Ethical Slut is a great first one. Sex at Dawn is nice for a more sociological perspective. More Than Two and Opening Up are also excellent. And Ask Me About Polyamory! is wonderfully light and great for little bite-size snapshots of what poly life is truly like.

Not sure what country you’re in, but I’ve used Northern Brewer and Brewer’s Best for most of my recipes. I started the same way you did with a 1 gal kit APA and was hooked instantly.

I upgraded by buying a kit for ~$100 that came with an IPA extract kit, a primary fermenter bucket, a bottling bucket, airlock, etc that I’m still using 9 batches later. I’ve expanded now to three separate 6 gallon fermenters (they’re only like $20 for the bucket, lid, and airlock!). You’ll definitely want a large kettle as well and I’d recommend getting a hydrometer to test OG and FG so you know the ABV of your beer. All said and done, $200 should get you a really really solid base set!!!!

The biggest thing I can recommend is buying a copy of [The complete Joy of Homebrewing] (https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Joy-Homebrewing-Third/dp/0060531053) by Charlie Papazian, you won’t regret it!

There’s tons of great advice for starters, midrange, and advanced brewers with a lot of good basic recipes. Good luck, and enjoy!

I think I disagree, but guess I haven't read a ton of books about writing. In my experience, they can be helpful, especially to people who are just starting out. Maybe not as helpful as reading the types of books that you want to write (and reading the stuff you don't want to write—it's important to read widely), but I don't know if I'd call them a waste of time. King's book is great (but that might be because I got the impression that I'd like him as a person while I was reading that), Strunk and White Elements of Style and Zissner's On Writing Well are helpful for tightening beginners' prose, Writing Fiction: a guide to narrative craft has great exercises at the end of every chapter, and I'm reading Benjamin Percy's essay collection Thrill Me right now, and it's great. I feel like a large part of /r/writing would really connect with the first and titular essay in that collection, actually. He talks about reading a lot of so-called trash genre fiction before being exposed to literary fiction and how he kind of overcorrected and became a super-fierce advocate for that-and-only-that before he realized that you can take the good parts of both to create amazing stories. I've also never read any other respected literary person mention reading R. A. Salvatore, which was cool to see since I forgot I was a big Drizzt fan when I was younger.

One great place to start is the Talk Origins Archive. Their "Guide to Creationist Claims" is also very good.

Also, the /r/atheism Wiki has a pretty good section on Creationism that's worth checking out.

There is plenty of evidence of large scale changes over geological time in the fossil record of many lineages. I'll let you research the sites I've linked (and hopefully many others you find yourself from credible sources) rather than linking to any specific ones.

I'm not sure what /u/OldWolf2642 has a specific problem with, but judging by his "humans <> apes" statement I think he's simply trying to point out that modern H. sap. did not evolve from other modern apes. We all (H. sap. are simply one example among several species of modern ape) evolved together from a common ancestor. He's right about that but his phrasing might make it seem as though macro evolution isn't part of modern evolutionary theory - IT IS. It's just that some of us feel that the the terms "micro-" and "macro-" evolution are used as an excuse for creationists to acknowledge the easily demonstrable (on a human timescale) case of natural selection within a species and still be able to dismiss larger scale changes over larger time frames. But, in fact, the terms are often used to distinguish research in some fields from research in others. The phrases are perfectly acceptable. But, as many have pointed out, "macro-" is just an unavoidable consequence of "micro-" happening over long periods of time. The creationists' ploy, here, is comparable to saying "I accept the existence of this glass of water, but refuse to acknowledge the "oceans" you people keep going on about". It's all the same thing, just on different scales.

My personal favorite books laying out the case for all sorts of evolution are:

Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne

and

The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins

But the /r/atheism Wiki has a great list of Recommended Reading and videos. Many of these are about atheism generally, but they include good stuff on evolutionary theory as well.

Keep studying and have a blast!

I've been exactly where you are. ADHD was, and in many ways still is, a defining feature of my life. Here's what I wish I'd known when I was your age:

-If you're feeling overwhelmed, there's nothing wrong with slowing down for a while. Consider dropping any honors or AP classes and taking an easier course load. The very worst case scenario is that if you want to attend a four-year-college, you'll have to attend community college first. By the time you're an adult, not even the world's most colossal snobs will care where you spent your first two years of university.

-Become an organizational freak, and do it ASAP. Keep your room squeaky clean at all times. Be someone who has a conscious system for staying on track. One of the most beloved systems for this, which also helps people without ADHD, is laid out in Getting Things Done by David Allen

-Start thinking about what you want your life to be like as an adult. What kind of career do you want? How important is money to you now, and how important do you think it will be by the time you're closing in on 30? What kind of work can you do for an extended period of time without making yourself completely miserable? These things are important for everyone to think about, but I think people with ADHD are even more prone to ignoring these questions. One of the most well-received books for helping address these questions is Designing Your Life, which is based on a course at Princeton. (Disclaimer: I just started reading it, so I can't offer a full assessment. But it seems like a book that someone in your situation would greatly benefit from reading.)

-Get physically fit, whatever that means to you. If fitness means being able to run marathons or swim fast, learn to do that. If it means looking in the mirror and seeing a ripped physique, learn to lift weights properly. Fitness is one of the world's most reliable confidence boosters, and if you're someone who struggles with ADHD, anything that can make you feel better about yourself is something you'll want to consider doing.

-Read about successful people with ADHD. It turns out that a lot of people with ADHD tend to perform well in creative and entrepreneurial endeavors. Personally, I'm working on building my own business, and I wish I'd started doing that a long time ago.

-Medication is an option, but don't rely on it exclusively. A pill isn't going to fix your ADHD, but it might put you in a frame of mind that helps you manage it more easily. Personally I can't deal with the side effects of the ADHD meds I've tried, so I don't currently take them.

I also want to talk about your definition of "made it in life." To me, that sounds like you probably mean "rich and/or famous", which I don't think is a sound yardstick by which to measure yourself. I'm pretty successful by the traditional yardstick - I've got a good job and a good house. But I don't really care about that stuff, it just enables me to do what I want to do - to be successful at what I care about. Which is my relationship, my dog (3 months old, woo! A dream 8 years in the making), and woodworking.

You're invested in Psychology, which is an amazing field with so many interesting twists and turns! I've loved books like 'Thinking: Fast and Slow', and it seems like a fantastic field! But you're probably not going into Psychology with an aim to make money - you're probably doing it because it interests you, and you love the idea of being a Psychologist. That's your success measure, not anything extrinsic.

On that note - before I went to University I wanted nothing more than a Ph.D in Physics, and to become an academic. For me, that didn't work out - I started again after finishing my second year in Physics, and started again in Computer Science. I then went on to start a career as a Software Engineer type person. At the time, I thought myself a massive failure for not managing to achieve my dream - but I'm happy now, and I've got no regrets. It didn't take long to get that way either. Remember your yardstick can change, as long as it stays yours.


I'd thoroughly recommend reading "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck"
It taught me how to care passionately about specific things, and see those goals as successes. And to tune out the rest of it.

I also absolutely loved "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelious which talks about our place in the world, and our duty to it.

The answer, as usual is: it depends.

If you want to invest your money, then there's no better time than now. However, the implication is that when you invest that money you have to leave it sit long enough to do it's work.

At 19 and wanting to invest, you have time on your side. You need to be able to stomach volatility in the market and not get excited when your stocks rally for 30%, nor should you despair when the stocks plummet by 40%.

Traditionally speaking, the stock market averages between 6%~8% a year, which is much better than any savings account you're going to find. However, you shouldn't treat it as a savings account because volatility will almost certainly put you in a bad position to sell whenever you need the money most.

If you feel like you can stomach that volatility and turn a blind eye to both the rallies and collapses, then the stock market may certainly be for you. If you are NOT looking to place your money in good companies for a long period of time (10+ years), then it's my opinion that you are simply speculating... in which case you may as well go to the casino.

If at this point you have decided that you would like to invest in the stock market, you now need to figure out the degree of involvement you would like to dedicate.

If you're looking for a simple hands off investment, then you should just invest in an index fund such as VFINX, SWPPX, or QQQ.

Index funds closely track the performance of the market and charge minimal fees. They are pretty much totally hands off on your part, and are the Ronco of stock investing. Just set it and forget it, and enjoy your ride on the market.

A step above that are mutual funds. They actively try to beat indexes, but charge a fee to do so. There are mutual funds for any style of investing, and people tend to choose mutual funds that coincide with where they think success will lie. That means choosing foreign or domestic, stocks or bonds, and even individual sectors like technology, retail, energy, etc.

The world of mutual funds is vast, and provide an opportunity to beat the market, but it comes with a price. I'll leave the rest up to you to do your research.

Finally comes individual stock picking. Picking individual stocks is the highest risk, but also have the potential for the highest returns. Also, there are no fees except for the fee for purchasing your shares.

There is also a lot to this world, as I'm sure you know, but if this route interests you, then I would suggest you pick up a few books, beginning with The Intelligent Investor.

This book is, in my opinion, the best introduction out there to investing for long term wealth.

Finally, since you're so young and you seem to have an eye out for your personal finances, I absolutely recommend you read The Millionaire Next Door.

Good luck!

You know how people say you should only try to quit smoking or lose weight if it's something you want to do for yourself, otherwise it won't take? Sure, you might be able to cut back for a while or drop a few pounds, until that super stressful day or holiday buffet comes along.

The reason "they" say that is simple: eventually, if your heart wasn't in it to begin with, you'll find a reason to go back to your old habits.

I'm all for broadening one's horizons and exploring new sides of yourself - and I firmly believe that not everyone who thinks they couldn't do it is right. However, "trying out" polyamory with so many barriers in your way from the start could be seriously harmful to your current relationship, future relationships, and your core self.

There absolutely ARE ways to "get over" almost all of that, but it is a long, arduous, often painful process. And the best way to start is with wanting to change - or at least explore the possibility of changing - those things about yourself which would prevent polyamory from being a positive influence on your life: possessive jealousy, competition, viewing love as a pie chart, potentially codependence, and any others not listed in your OP.

/u/alc6379 is correct: "Only problem with trying polyamory first is there's so much at stake..." IMO, you have to be not just curious what all the hoopla's about, you need to be honestly wanting to seek out polyamory for its own merits in your life, which means you have to think it has merit for you.

It's totally possible to go from "I could never do that" to "This is amazing, even if it isn't how I originally thought things would go", but that won't happen just because other people have made it work for them. Poly - like monogamy - isn't for everyone, and that's ok.

I would recommend picking up a few published books as primers and see how you feel after reading them: The Ethical Slut, Open, and Opening Up are some of the key introductory references most people crack open first.

Whatever you guys choose, I wish you the best of luck!

What the heck, I'm in the mood to toy with a troll on a Saturday night.

"People assume evolution is true because they say it's the most logical thing to believe, but I believe that intelligent design is more logical if you examine the evidence with no presuppositions."

First, scientists don't assume anything, and people who have gone to actual schools rather than Christian schools have learned the scientific method and possibly even proven evolution to themselves in a laboratory experiment (yes, it happens in the lab)

If you examine THE evidence? ... with no presuppositions? Funny. Because the Intelligent Design lie was invented by the Discovery Institute, whose mission is to prove that God is behind it all -- i.e. they are starting with a presupposition.

". Evolution has no proof. They have fossils and dating methods that they say is proof, but subjectively they must not truly be proof because if they were truly proof then there would be no intelligent people who believed in creation left"

hahahahhahaa that's a good one! They have thousands of fossils, and dating methods that have been proven... and when they dig where they expect to find certain kinds of fossils based on the theory of evolution, they find them! They have found fish that were able to walk on land, the transitional fossils between the hippo ancestor and the whale, etc.

The fallacy of appeal to authority is no kind of proof especially in this case because you're not appealing to biologists of the modern era, 99% of whom see evolution as the central defining theory of their life's work.

"Evolution has never, in human history, been observed. Their have been many cases of micro-evolution"

Caw! Caw! Caw! You, my friend, are a parrot. You are parroting Ken Ham, which is pretty funny. You obviously don't know that ALL evolution takes place with tiny steps -- i.e., there's no such thing as "macro evolution," so you and the people you parrot are demanding to see something that wouldn't fit the theory of evolution, then claiming that the theory is bunk because the experts haven't provided it. Guess what? That's a dishonest and shameful tactic. You should be ashamed of yourself for mindlessly parroting something so intellectually dishonest.

"3. Evolution goes against the law of entropy." That's just nonsense, again parroting Ken Ham and his ilk. Read this instead: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Introduction_to_entropy Meanwhile, consider these points: A. How can crystals form if entropy governs everything and B. The sun sends radiation energy to the Earth, so the Earth is not a closed system - additional energy is added every day.

" it's more logical to believe that an all powerful God created everything than things evolving"

No, it's not more logical. Consider: A perfect God wouldn't have given us the appendix, the tailbone (and in some people actual tails), goosebumps, and other vestigial traits. These things are only logical in light of evolution.

So.. show me the proof? You have a computer. You can use google. You are literate. You can read a book. Why should random redditors be challenged to prove what you are too lazy and ignorant to discover for yourself? The evidence is not that hard to find. Try reading Jerry Coyne's book Why Evolution is True. http://www.amazon.com/Why-Evolution-True-Jerry-Coyne/dp/0143116649

Read up on fossils -- and not in Answers in Genesis or whatever source you parroted in your OP. Read up on how it's been true over and over and over that fossils are found in layers, in exactly the same order everywhere, and that you can predict which fossils you might find in a layer of ground based on evolutionary theory. Note, nobody has EVER found a fossil in a layer where it doesn't belong. A find like that would at the very least shake up one portion of the story that other fossils have told.

Evidence that points to evolution IS proof.

Look up "equivocation." This is a favorite trick of Ken Ham and his ilk. Don't do it! Stop it! Grow up and accept reality! You don't have to equivocate on words like that to learn science - you only have to do it to cling to the creator-god. The bronze age people who made up that story can't be faulted for believing it because they didn't have the scientific method, the technology to study the world like we do, or centuries of scientific findings that have told a much more interesting story.

But you are not a bronze age person, so let go of that fairy tale and embrace the real world.

Until about a year ago, I knew next to nothing about cooking but I've been learning. I wish I had known this stuff in college. What I did is I bought a copy of Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian and went through it. The regular How to Cook Everything is also good. Both of them give you lots of really easy recipes (like how to make scrambled eggs) as well as more advanced ones if you want to serve dinner to people for example.

Also, I watched every episode of Good Eats and learned a lot from that. Most if not all of those are on YouTube. Just start with Season 1 Episode 1 and start plowing through them.

I don't prepare meat because I'm paranoid about germs, but don't let that stop you. The things I've been preparing the most are:

• Eggs: fried, scrambled, omelettes. Hands down the easiest thing.
  
  
• Sauteed, braised, boiled, or steamed vegetables. These are all very easy and once you've done it a bit you start to understand what the best method is for different vegetables and you don't even need to look in a recipe book. Most recent thing I did is sauteed plantains.
  
  
• Rice dishes. Pilaf and rice with beans/peas/other legumes are easy and nutritious.
  
  
• Soups. Things like potato leek soup, french onion soup, split pea soup, lentil soup are all very easy.
  
  
• Simple baked desserts like muffins, banana bread, apple cobber etc.
  
  If you have an oven, it's really not very hard to make your own pizza, for that matter.

I'm late to the party, but I made a cheat sheet for my boss niece last week: here's all the ressources I can think of to kick butts at matte painting.

The sites where we pay per month

Gnomon Online School
Super school of vfx in California. They have on their site a lot of tutorials from 8 to 20 hours to learn to make your own camera projections. You can either pay (expensive but worth it) for a private class with a teacher via Skype. Or you pay (cheaper) for a bank of tutorials.

private lessons
https://www.gnomon.edu/courses/online


the bank of tutorials
https://www.thegnomonworkshop.com/tutorials?tags[]=matte-painting


I recommend: All the tutorials of Dylan Cole (vol 1, 2,3), Camera Projection Techniques in Maya, Matte Painting Production techniques, etc.




Plural Sight (formerly Digital Tutors)


a site that has courses on a little everything. This site is very good when you want to learn new programs. Excellent serie on the 3D which becomes more and more present in the matte painting, and some tutorials


https://app.pluralsight.com/library/


related to 3D

Quick start to modeling in Maya (volume 1,2,3)
Professional Tips for Modeling Complex Shapes


related to matte painting

Photo manipulation and Clean Plating Fundamentals
Matte Painting Basic and the Static Camera Shot


Sites where we pay per tutorial (Gumroad, etc.)



The tutorials of Anthony Eftekhari

Good DMP tutorials that show you the latest techniques and how to do it step by step.


https://gumroad.com/anthonye

The tutorials of Eytan Zana

More concept art, but the main lines apply just as well to the DMP.

https://gumroad.com/eytanzana


Free sites and tutorials


Garrett Fry's blog

He also has a Facebook group that helps each other in DMP, it is THE technical reference for matte painting. His blog is full of technical stuff for camera projections (aka moving your matte painting). A treasure of information.
https://www.gfryart.com/blog



Other


TEXTURES! (Or can we find good textures to make DMP)


CGtexture

http://www.textures.com

Flickr (Matte Painting References)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/tjframe/sets/72157605581901392/

Flickr (Matte Painting Resources)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/dman3d2000/sets/72157629164518650/

Photobash.org (paying a card)

https://www.photobash.org/

Pictures of Jacek Pilarski

https://gumroad.com/jacekpilarski

Books (yes yes, it's a thing)

Digital Matte Painter Handbook

it's old, the drawings are ugly, the photoshop stuff in it is pure candy though. Full of stuff in DMP that I have never seen elsewhere but that is the basis of the trade. Still actual today. The matte painting of the castle in is also an excellent starting point if you start from scratch.

https://www.amazon.ca/Digital-Matte-Painting-Handbook/dp/0470922427/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1523975893&sr=1-1&keywords=Digital+Matte+Painting+Handbook

How to draw and How to Render

Scott Robertson, a big shot of concept art, shows the basics of traditional drawings, perspective, etc. An essential.

https://www.amazon.ca/How-Draw-sketching-environments-imagination/dp/1933492732/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=GWB27RDDYF5E0JG7TTY0

https://www.amazon.ca/How-Render-fundamentals-shadow-reflectivity/dp/1933492961/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K9W1RK5K9KVWMPY14EAE

Imaginative Realism and Color and Light

James Gurney is an illustrator who specializes in realistic fantasy artwork with traditional mediums, excellent cues on light and color

https://www.amazon.ca/Imaginative-Realism-Paint-Doesnt-Exist/dp/0740785508?th=1&psc=1&source=googleshopping&locale=en-CA&tag=googcana-20&ref=pd_sl_2y2j9az9y9_e

https://www.amazon.ca/Color-Light-Guide-Realist-Painter/dp/0740797719/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=YCNYYJCTNJ4405KD1S6B

Nuke 101

We can make the projection of matte painting in Nuke or Maya. An excellent book for Nuke.

https://www.amazon.ca/Nuke-101-Professional-Compositing-Effects/dp/0321984129/ref=pd_sim_14_8?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=FNST5YS1F7464SZY3QZV

Gotcha! Some resources that might be helpful:

Loomis has some good (free) books on constructive figure drawing, which is what you want to learn if you're interested in drawing characters out of your head. I'd recommend Figure Drawing for What It's Worth in particular.

Ctrl+paint is another great resource for learning the art fundamentals that are specifically relevant to illustration. He also has a lot of great information on how to get into Photoshop.

If you want to be drawing characters, it would probably be good to thoroughly learn anatomy. I've seen scattered tutorials for this, but I've had better luck with books- Burne Hogarth and Bridgeman are good, and I've also found Netter's anatomy useful for learning the names of bones and muscles.

For color theory, I would recommend Gurney's Color and Light.

Also check out the sidebar, there's a ton of educational material under "useful links."

I would recommend starting with ctrl+paint or Loomis, and working from there. Both sources will give you an overview of a lot of topics that you can go on to explore in more depth. And of course, keep up the practice.

Best of luck!

I did economics and highly recommend it. A few years out and I'm at 100k with a secure job now and promising career. I had a similar academic situation as you but decided to just stay at a state school where tuition was free. I don't know if I would have accepted it (because of the financial costs) but I wish I would have applied to some Ivy leagues and considered it more.

As a side, studying behavior economics contributed greatly to me leaving the church. Daniel Kahneman won the Nobel prize in economics and I'd highly recommend his book: Thinking, Fast and Slow.

Ultimately my advice is to remember that you're going to win in the end on this one so make it a priority to keep a good relationship with your parents. They'll probably be upset when they find out; they might start yelling; just stay calm, don't get angry back. Keep telling them that you love them and want to have a good long term relationship with them.

Just some I like:

Dev

• [You Don't Know Javascript (series)(]https://github.com/getify/You-Dont-Know-JS). Short and sweet mostly. Well written. Some are still pending publishing but there are a couple available now. I believe you can read them for free online, I just like paper books and wanted to show some support.
  
  
• Elequent Javascript (second release coming in november). Current version here if you are impatient. I have not personally read it yet, waiting for the next revision. I recommend it due to the high regard it has in the web community.
  
  
• Professional JavaScript for Web Developers. Sometimes called the bible of js. Big ole book. I have not read it through and through, but have enjoyed the parts I have perused.
  
  

  Design
  

  
  (I am weak in the design side, so take these recommendation with a grain of salt. I recommend them off of overall industry cred they receive and my own personal taste for them.)
  
  

• The Elements of Typographic Style. Low level detail into the art and science behind typography.
  
  
• Don't Make Me Think, Revisited. I read the original, not the new one that I linked. It is an easy read (morning commute on the train was perfect for it) and covers UX stuff in a very easy to understand way. My non-designer brain really appreciated it.
  
  below are books I have not read but our generally recommended to people asking this question
  
  
• About Face.
  
  
• The Design of Everyday Things.
  
  
• The Inmates Are Running the Asylum.
  
  
  You can see a lot of these are theory based. My 0.02 is that books are good for theory, blogs are good for up to date ways of doing things and tutorial type stuff.
  
  Hope this helps!
  
  
  Battery is about to die so no formatting for you! I'll add note later if I remember.
  
  EDIT: another real quick.
  
  EDIT2: Eh, wound up on my computer. Added formatting and some context. Also added more links because I am procrastinating my actual work I have to do (picking icons for buttons is so hard, I never know what icon accurately represents whatever context I am trying to fill).
  

You could do with losing a little weight, I think the problem is you don't carry it with confidence. Sounds idiotic but most girls don't care about a guys weight if he is a charmer. To improve your confidence shift a few pounds, do it for you not for the bullies. http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diet-basics.html

You're pretty average looking, which is a good thing, its better to look average than look like a monster. You can improve with confidence and a little styling. Try getting some hair product and play around with your hair a little at the moment it looks a little flat.

A combination of /r/seduction, /r/dating_advice and /r/relationship_advice could help with your approach to women. I also recommend this book its not a dating books its effectively a profiling guide and it goes through the steps for reading body language really well.

Sry...don't find a lot of time to post. And as far as finding ur post... I went looking for it. I cook a lot of proteins and I wanted to see what reddit had to say about chicken breast. It can be very unforgiving, but when done correctly it is an amazing meat. NOW, to address you concerns about nutrition. Yes, brining does increase the sodium level a bit, but lets face it, chicken needs a little help and when you brine its just les salt you will need to add when you season. If you have high blood pressure you may want to watch you sodium intake. Here is a site that attemps to tackel the "how much sodium does a brine add?" Question ( http://www.salon.com/2010/03/23/brining_meats_sodium_add_calculation/) . As far as brining subtracting any nutritional value; I would say, no, it does not measurably reduce nutrition. In my opinion overall; brining a chicken breast as part of my meal is far more delicious and healthy than ordering fast food (and less sodium). If creating a chicken breast meal that makes you want to continue cooking keeps you from ordering take out its a win. As far as my experience... I am just a home cook that grew up in a home that didnt know how to cook. At some point a the family of one of my friends started inviting me to dine with them at some very expensive restaurants. IT BLEW MY MIND!... I had no idea food could be that good. From that point on I made my mission to give food the respect it deserves. I read took the scientific approach, ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0684800012/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/189-1398983-1145564) read the cooking bible over and over and watch guys like alton brown ( http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KKr1rByVVCI).

First off, congratulations on getting your comic book published! Your drawing is fantastic and, as a comic reader, I would pick it up for the cover alone. That's quite a feat, as I'm very picky. :)

As for the coloring, I'm not great at color personally, but I've been reading a lot about it lately and can maybe offer a useful opinion from what I've learned. It looks to me like the difference between the orange foreground and the blue background is too stark. I'm not sure if the blue flames are meant to be in the same physical area as the people in the foreground, but blue flames would cast blue light on objects, not white light (or lighter orange), and would bring the two parts of the picture together. If they aren't meant to be in the same physical space, I would maybe use a gradient on the blue pathway or create a delineation of some sort to separate where they're standing from the fire behind them.

If it's the former situation, there's a great book called Color and Light: A Guide for the Realist Painter that covers all sorts of lighting and how it interacts with color and illustrates the idea of color transference much better than I can. I've mentioned it on here before, but I can't really recommend it enough; it completely changed my understanding of light in art. It also covers working with a (deliberately) limited color palette, which helped me a lot with actually understanding color theory instead of just picking random opposites/compliments off a color wheel in despair.

I also (and only upon closer examination...at first glance it seems fine to me) think the hands in the foreground need a different value from the figures in the midground to provide a better sense of depth and focus. If you look at the image in grayscale, I suspect the hands and the figures would be very similar. I wouldn't make a huge change, but having the hands and figures all the same color and same value makes them blend together, where a bit more contrast (light and dark) would help draw the eye to the figures. Obviously your composition does most of the work there, but color can either boost a composition or take away from it and I think it could be working harder for you here.

I hope this doesn't sound critical; honestly, the more I look at your cover, the more I like it, and these are the only issues I could find. I think your flames are great, and I'm really impressed by the coloring/shading on the hands in front. Who's your publisher, so I can pick up a copy?

Excellent write-up but missed a few things. The first (minor one) is losses to transmissions; the more fancy the transmission the more likely it is to steal some of that sweet, sweet horsepower on its way to the wheels. CVTs are nice for the obvious benefit of infinitely variable ratios, but they lose a fair amount in the process.

Transmissions aside, the main factor you excluded was the ratio speed per energy used rather than power per energy used. The easiest example of this for ELI5 is the SR-71. They found that it was most efficient at max throttle, it would be burning twice as much fuel but it would be going more than three times as fast. Pointing out the integral of distance vs speed is probably above the ELI5 level but power per gallon per hour isn't the measure of automotive efficiency over MPG for a reason. If you make 200 hp at 8 gallons per hour, but can make 180 at 9 gallons per hour going 30% faster (perhaps losing the 20 hp to drivetrain at speed) you are still going to go further with the same gas. The most efficient RPM/throttle at the highest point on speed per fuel is going to give you the best MPG.

Airplanes have a lot of great data that shows all the variables if you really want to geek out about it. PDF page 132 of the Cessna 172 POH has some great tables showing all the variables of altitude, temperature and RPM setting with % maximum power, air speed and fuel used. Ben Rich's book [Skunk Works] (https://www.amazon.com/Skunk-Works-Personal-Memoir-Lockheed/dp/0316743003) also dives into great detail on the efficiencies at high mach.

I should have mentioned that I was optimizing for environmental impact and health, not just money and time. Also, I thought I worded things with enough caveats to prevent point-by-point refutations, but since I seem to have failed, I will make some general comments about your reply.

When it comes to EA, there are two options: either work for/found an EA org, or donate money. I would consider volunteering for events to be a relatively minor activity. Most people won't have the skills to directly contribute yet, so while they're building up those skills with that "second job" I mentioned, they'll be working a normal job and donating money. In this case, it would make sense to pick the job with the highest earning potential. Assuming a suitable amount of grit, humanities majors can go to a boot-camp and go into web development and STEM majors can go through a few programming textbooks and work for a major tech company. The major bottleneck comes from being able to actually program versus being able to pass tests in a CS class. As Cal Newport says, taking the time to get good at a skill is the differentiating factor between having your pick of jobs and hoping you get a job at all. Luckily, according to the BLS, software developers and web developers will see greater than average job growth, so even if you aren't in the top 1% of your field, you will still be able to land a job. And yes, as I stated earlier, not everyone is going to become a programmer, but it's definitely worth a hard look.

I agree that getting a used car makes sense for some people, but given that most trips don't consist of a trunk full of groceries and filled passenger seats, I would seriously consider the alternative. Also, fast food and delivered food is vastly inferior to Soylent and other meal replacements, in terms of time-efficiency as well as health. Also, I'm slightly horrified that you mentioned the two options that run counter to the EA values of concern for the environment and concern for animals.

The video I linked to earlier talks about the tax benefits of real estate. Given that the real estate market is highly illiquid, this also means that it's not an efficient market at all. That's why you have house flippers and companies like Fundrise. The other main investment vehicle people think of besides real estate is stocks, but leveraged ETFs only allow you to leverage your money 2-3x , which is a far cry from the nearly 30x from real estate. Given that real estate appreciates in pace with inflation and the fact that you have greater leverage, this beats out the 7% average growth of stocks. I would argue that the reason why people choose other types of investments is a lack of knowledge. If you didn't know, for instance, that there is a process to landlording, you would deem the task of renting out and managing properties to be unfeasible. So, far from being tied down to one place, if another job opportunity comes up, you can just rent out your current residence and get a mortgage for a house in that new location. Now, I would not consider real estate to be a "hugely leveraged bet." You are buying and holding an asset that pays for itself in 30 years. That's it. Seems straightforward to me. If you're worried about illiquidity, HELOCs completely mitigate that concern. Of course, this whole real estate thing seems risky if you're bad at managing your money, but if you can do that, then the numbers check out.

Now, even though donating now has long run effects, the compounding returns of real estate dictate that it would be prudent that allocate a nonzero amount of disposable income towards real estate. Fermi estimate. How big that amount is will depend on how confident you are in the potential for future EA opportunities that have a greater impact than the options available today. Given that we have just started founding high-impact charities within the past few years, I would argue that the number of higher-impact-than-AMF charities will only grow.

Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Then stop giving a fuck. Stop faking anything. Everything you wrote sounds like you are constantly adapting your words and actions based on what you think other people will react best to, but that only makes you seem fake. I admit, it's a vicious cycle, a negative feedback loop.

Be genuine. Learn to love yourself. But that's not just a switch you can flip, you have to become a loveable person, and you will naturally fall in love with yourself. Be genuinely interested in people: just listen to them. Stop thinking about what you will get out of the conversation, be selfless.

Another note: There's an opposite positive feedback loop that you want to start rolling. Think about it this way: Exercise makes you look better. Exercise makes you feel better. Exercise improves your mood. When your mood is improved, you are more interesting to other people. When you look better, you have more self-confidence. When you have more self-confidence, it comes off attractively to others. You don't crave their attention anymore. When you have more self-confidence, you feel better. When you feel better, you are more motivated to exercise and go to social events. When you go to more social events, it improves your mood. And on and on and on: they all build on each other. You have to jump start the process, force yourself to do one of these things and the others will follow.

I'm not one to make an effort when it isn't needed, but I see a chance here to help. Don't care about the context of the original post. You're post "Literal fake news." why not just "Fake News", why use literal? Is that an effort to insure what you're saying is the bye god truth? When a writer's statement is prefaced by literally or honestly my first inclination is to think the writer is trying to impress the reader with their wordsmithing prowess. My second inclination is to assume that anything this person says that is not prefaced with literally or honestly is specious. Less is better in the written word, yes, you did use 'literal' correctly but you didn't need to use it at all, it only muddled what you were saying. There is a great book that will help your writing and really help your readers understand the information you're trying to convey. I've published one book and countless magazine, newspaper and short story articles and Strunk And White was a catalyst to get me going, here's a link https://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=531Z✌

I pretty much only read non-fiction, so I'm all about books that are educational but also interesting :) I'm not sure what your educational background is, so depending on how interested you are in particular subjects, I have many recommendations.

Naked Statistics and Nate Silver's Book are both good!

Feeling Good is THE book on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

The Omnivore's Dilemma is good, as is Eating Animals (granted, Eating Animals is aimed at a particular type of eating)

Guns, Germs and Steel is very good.

I also very much enjoyed The Immortal Live of Henrietta Lacks, as well as Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman :)

edit to add: Chris Hadfield's Book which I haven't received yet but it's going to be amazing.

Everyone in this world can't love their work. Loving your work is a luxury that only a small fraction of our population (as in In the Name of Love by my friend Miya Tokumitsu). If you want to get a job that you love, you're going to have to work hard and develop marketable skills (think So Good They Can't Ignore You by a man that I wish were my friend, Cal Newport).

Take this valuable time to learn a new skill. An introductory programming course is seriously valuable to almost anyone. If you're majoring in a science or social science, you should take the scientific writing. It's a surprisingly challenging subject, and most people are quite bad at it. There are always more math classes too. Personally, I like statistics because those classes are a little lighter than straight math courses. If you're a humanities person, take a class that builds your writing skill in a different way. If you're used to writing about books for your English major, take a history course. Your entire frame of reference will change, and you'll be able to apply that other pattern of thinking to your work in English. If you're a history major, take some economics courses and find out how economists think.

I don't care what you do, but if you're going to do it, plan out your strategy carefully. This time is really valuable, so make the most of it. If you decide to have fun with some easy elective that you enjoy, make sure that it's not just a space-filler; make sure that the joy it brings you is worth sacrificing 1/10 of a year of your young life when you could be learning a valuable skill.

I've immersed myself in science and history my whole life and quite possibly the best book I've ever come across that condenses everything in a sequential order is "A Short History of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson.

> In A Walk in the Woods, Bill Bryson trekked the Appalachian Trail—well, most of it. In A Sunburned Country, he confronted some of the most lethal wildlife Australia has to offer. Now, in his biggest book, he confronts his greatest challenge: to understand—and, if possible, answer—the oldest, biggest questions we have posed about the universe and ourselves. Taking as territory everything from the Big Bang to the rise of civilization, Bryson seeks to understand how we got from there being nothing at all to there being us. To that end, he has attached himself to a host of the world’s most advanced (and often obsessed) archaeologists, anthropologists, and mathematicians, traveling to their offices, laboratories, and field camps. He has read (or tried to read) their books, pestered them with questions, apprenticed himself to their powerful minds. A Short History of Nearly Everything is the record of this quest, and it is a sometimes profound, sometimes funny, and always supremely clear and entertaining adventure in the realms of human knowledge, as only Bill Bryson can render it. Science has never been more involving or entertaining.

The book is simply amazing. I learn something new from it everytime I read it and I highly recommend it to everyone from an uneducated teenager to a PhD carrying senior!

While you're at it, I would also recommend the rest of his books. Bryson is an amazing nonfiction writer (I daresay one of the best in the world) and his penmanship will captivate you. Just search for him on Amazon and pick another one of his books up in a category that interests you as he writer about a very broad range of topics.

Edit: Also, I highly recommend "Guns, Germs, and Steel" by Jared M. Diamond. and Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt

Here are some books, articles, websites and YouTube Videos that helped me on my journey from a hardcore creationist to a High School Biology teacher.

BOOKS

The Language of God - By Francis Collins ~ A defense of Evolution by the head of the Human Genome Project (Who also happens to be Christian)

Only a Theory - By Ken Miller ~ Another Christian biologist who accepts and vigorously defends the theory of evolution

Your Inner Fish - by Neil Shubin ~ The wonderful story of how Tiktaalik was found

Why Evolution is True - By Jerry Coyne ~ A simple and thorough treatment of evolution written for the mainstream

The Greatest Show on Earth - By Richard Dawkins ~ A wonderful and beautifully written celebration of evolution

The Panda's Thumb - By Stephen Jay Gould ~ A collection of eloquent and intelligent essays written by SJG. Any of his collections would do but this one is my favorite.

ARTICLES

Crossing the Divide - By Jennifer Couzin ~ an article about an ex-creationist and his difficult journey into enlightenment.

15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense - John Rennie ~ a nice rundown of the major objections to evolution.

WEBSITE

An index of Creationist Claims - Via the TalkOrigins archive ~ an impressive index of the major problems creationists have with evolution, as well as good, evidence based rebuttals.

YOUTUBE VIDEOS/PLAYLISTS

Why do People Laugh at Creationsts? - Via Thunderf00t ~ a scathing review of outrageous sins of logic committed by creationists. Thunderf00t's style isn't for everyone, since he can come off as smug and superior

How Evolution Works - Via DonExodus2 ~ a nice and thorough overview of how evolution works

The Theory of Evolution Made Easy - Via Potholer54

Evolution - Via Qualia Soup ~ short (10 minutes), simple and well made, this is one of my go-to videos to help logically explain how evolution happens.

Online courses are really hit or miss. Most college courses on "business" don't really teach how to start or run a small business. They either teach big business... how to work in a large corporation... or how to create a startup. Both of those are markedly different from starting and running a small business (even an online one).

There are some great books about starting and running a small business, though. Here are a few of my favorites:

Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs

This is an excellent book on business finances for the non-accounting types. I took accounting classes in college but never really got what all the financial reports really meant to my business' health. This will teach you what's important in the reports, what you should look out for, and how to read them. This is critically important for a small business owner to understand, even if you plan to hire a bookkeeper and accountant.

The E-myth Revisited by Michael Gerber

Awesome book about building systems in your business to really grow it to the point where it's not just a job for the owner. It's easy to read and probably one of the top 5 business books of all time.

Entreleadership by Dave Ramsey

This is a good book and covers several different aspects of entrepreneurship from hiring and managing employees to marketing, setting the vision, etc. It's hokey at times, but is a good read.

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey

Not necessarily a "small business" book, but easily my top #1 book recommendation of all time. It's hugely applicable to any professional, or anyone really. I re-read this book every couple of years and still get more out of it after almost 20 years.

Getting Things Done by David Allen

THE productivity book. Even if you only absorb and implement 25% of the strategies in this book it will make a huge difference in your level of productivity. It's really the game-changing productivity system. This is one of the biggest problems with small business owners - too much to do and no organization. Great read.

I highly recommend reading (or listening with audible) to a couple books that I listened to when I was questioning my job and career choices earlier this year. They aren’t silver bullets, but they’ll definitely offer sound advice on how to actively work to improve your situation.

If you don’t have much free time to read, like me, try listening to the audiobook on your commute or at lunch. Just find a time and place that makes sense for you.

I hope those books help you as much as they did me.

• So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love
  
• The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
  
• Smarter Faster Better: The Transformative Power of Real Productivity
  *Think and Grow Rich
  

I bought this book years ago, when I started to get more into landscapes and colour theory. It's a good book, with solid advice.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0740797719/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Beyond that, observation and experimentation are invaluable. Don't be afraid to try different colors on things, see how they mesh and work. Don't be afraid to repaint. Knowing what works becomes natural over time, I swear. You'll instinctively know what colors to choose to enable a specific mood and how to easily mix them.

It's also not just about colour. It's about the hue, the saturation and the value. Value = dark and light. Hue = the shade. Saturation = how 'strong' or muted that color is. How close to neutral grey it is. Like, the image on the left doesn't seem to have a strong contrast in the foreground, but it does have red (okay, it's orange but orange is only red+yellow) and green shades which are complimentary colors: so it pops. The red is warm, it's inviting. The image on the right ditches a lot of the saturation in favor of strong color values, colors are muted (except for the green) and cool , there's no warmth in this image and that fence is a sharp, dark (ominous) contrast to the misty grey/neutral-ish background. Saturation and value play as much as part as just color when it comes to mood.

But this can all be learned and really easily! Youtube is also great for this kind of stuff.

> I studied it for a time on my own because I like to see all sides of the issue.

Have you read any books by scientists who accept evolution? I know some people read books that are critical of evolution but these books usually misrepresent evolution in some way and are dishonest.

If you really want to see all sides of it, check out a book like Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne. He lays out what evolution is, the evidence for it, as well as how it fits into biology.

> I saw how flawed it was and decided not to put my faith in a theory.

Well, consider for a moment that you might be making a decision based on faulty information. Absolutely no faith is needed to accept evolution. Really - the evidence for everything in evolution is there. Scientists are usually very clear what they are reasonably sure of and what they aren't. Remember: scientists compete with one another so if any of them makes a mistake, the others usually jump on it.

Furthermore, as I explained above, a theory in science isn't the same thing as a theory a layman would use. It's not a guess or a hunch! Theories in science are the ultimate goal, and ultimate achievement in science. Other examples of theories in include quantum theory, or atomic theory, or the theory of gravity. If you go to school to obtain a degree in physics, you might take a course in atomic theory. At no point in the future will the professor change the course title to atomic fact. Theories are a higher level of understanding than mere facts - theories explain facts, and unite them.

> So forgive me please if I don't know as much about Evoulution as I undoubtably should.

Relevant xkcd.

Evolution really is a fascinating topic and it tells us so much about who we are as a species and our place in the grand scheme of things. There are many religious people (including Christians) who have no problems accepting modern biology. In fact, many religious people view evolution as one of the mechanisms God used to create everything. Your religious beliefs should not be a barrier to you being able to learn about the variety of life on this planet. Some religious biologists who study evolution every day, when asked why they study what they do, cite a desire to understand God's creation. While I don't agree with their beliefs, I can respect them.

In addition to Jerry Coyne's book, I'm more than happy to offer books or video suggestions. Qualia Soup has a short one which might clear up a few misconceptions straight away - here it is.

Articles from reputable sources are a decent source of knowledge, but some quality business books will get you an infinitely better understanding of concepts. Here is my personal business book list if you want to get a "universal generalist" understanding of business:

• Business Creation - The Lean Start-up
  
• Value Creation - How to Make Millions With Your Ideas
  
• Marketing - Getting Everything You Can Out Of Everything You Got / All Marketers Are Liars
  
• Sales - Pitch Anything
  
• Value Delivery - Indispensable
  
• Accounting/Finances - Financial Intelligence / Accounting Made Simple
  
• Understanding the Human Mind - Making Sense of Behavior
  
• Productivity - Getting Things Done
  
• Problem Solving - The 80/20 Principle
  
• Decision Making - Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions
  
• Negotiation - 3-D Negotiation
  
• Management - Growing Great Employees
  
• Project Management - Making Things Happen
  
• Statistics - Marketing Metrics
  
• Corporate Knowledge - The Effective Executive
  
• Corporate Strategy - Purpose: The Starting Point of Great Companies
  
• Creativity - The Creative Habit
  
• Personal Finance - Your Money or Your Life
  
  I am graduating with a Bachelor of Commerce Honors degree in May and I can easily say that one of these books (average price ~25$) has significantly more content than most individual classes I have taken (~600$). However, keep in mind that business knowledge and business acumen are two entirely different things. Knowledge is easily obtainable through books like these, and acumen is the result of applied experience with decision making. In short, it is one thing to be book smart, but it is another to get out there and actually apply it. No one can give you that in the form of an article or book - you have to do that yourself.
  
  edit: added links to amazon

> Do you have any recommendations on motivation and feelings of accomplishment? Nowdays I have zero motivation to do anything and I don't get any feeling of accomplishment or joy from accomplishing what I had thought were my goals.

> I got the same feeling from getting a promotion as I did when I just slept and stayed in bed all day.

This may be a case of every problem looking like a nail when you've got a hammer, but it sounds like philosophy could be beneficial. Motivation is something that I've always struggled with, and there's no effective way that I've found to really manipulate it. What did work is really thinking about what I want out of life, what my goals really are, and what I value. After I figured that out (on going process), motivation was a lot easier becasue I had a clear target and knew what I wanted to do.

I didn't get any joy from practising the guitar because it wasn't what I really cared about. But when I know what I'm doing is getting me closer to what I really want in life, then the sense of accomplishment comes easily. If you're not getting a sense of accomplishment from getting a promotion, then that's likely becasue you don't think that that gets you closer to living the life you want.

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us could be a good starting point, and then I'd follow it up with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck for an easy introduction to stoic philosophy.

EDIT: Stoic philosophy is what helped me, but that doesn't mean it'll do the same for you. I did a fair bit of reading on other subjects before finding something that worked. That's why it's important to just put the time in; it's the only way you'll find what works for you.

It's perfectly normal. In fact, if I were you I'd worry more if you didn't have those feelings.

It sounds to me like you're sort of stuck in a rut, man. That sucks. Is there anything else you could be doing, job-wise?

> The thought of getting married and having kids scares the shit out of me.

You are under no obligation whatsoever to get married and father children. Some people choose to do it, some choose not to. I for one, choose not to. It's up to you and what makes you happy and feels right.

> This isn't what I expected life to be like. My outlook on life has become very bleak and the things I used to enjoy has become boring.

It's only just begun, and that's a good thing. But I get what you're saying, though. For example, I've played guitar since I was around 12. For a couple of years I just didn't feel like it.. Didn't play a single riff for months at a time. This year I met a woman who just started a year ago, and we had a blast playing together. Jammed on old classics and taught her a couple of tricks. Bam! My enthusiasm for my beloved instrument was back. Point is, your passion for the things you used to enjoy can strike back just like that, given that you're in a good mental state.

> I'm just going through the motions, nothing matters. Does life get better after your 20's?

Speaking of a good mental state. Yes, it gets better when your 20's are over. At least for me, that decade was a fucking ordeal. I came to terms with who I was and what life is like, be it fucked or not. Giving less fucks about shit that didn't actually matter helped a great deal for my overall well-being. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck pretty much sums it up.

Best of luck. Your best years are ahead of you, not behind you.

I'm glad to hear you enjoy adobo! The first time I ever made it was also the first time my boyfriend ever tried adobo. Luckily, everything went better than expected - the adobo turned out great, and it is now one of his favorite foods.

Chicken Adobo

From How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman.

Makes: 4 servings
Time: About 1 ¼ hours

This Philippine classic has been called the best chicken dish in the world by a number of my friends and readers. It is cooked in liquid first, then roasted, grilled, or broiled. Here, however, the initial poaching liquid is reduced to make a sauce to pass at the table for both the chicken and white rice, the natural accompaniment.

The coconut milk isn’t mandatory, though it does enrich the sauce considerably.

Other protein you can use: pork chops (bone-in or boneless).

• 1 cup soy sauce
  
• ½ cup white or rice vinegar
  
• 1 cup water (this was not listed in the ingredient list in the book, but it is mentioned as an ingredient in the recipe)
  
• 1 tablespoon chopped garlic
  
• 2 bay leaves
  
• ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
  
• 1 ½ cups coconut milk (optional)
  
• 1 whole chicken, 3 to 4 pounds, trimmed of excess fat and cut into 8 pieces, or any combination of parts
  
  Combine the soy sauce, vinegar, garlic, bay leaves, pepper, 1 cup water, and half the coconut milk, if you’re using it, in a covered skillet or saucepan large enough to hold the chicken in one layer. Bring to a boil over high heat. Add the chicken; reduce the heat to medium-low and cook, covered, turning once or twice, until the chicken is almost done, about 20 minutes. (At this point, you may refrigerate the chicken in the liquid for up to a day before proceeding; skim the fat before reheating.)
  
  Heat the oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit or heat a charcoal or gas grill or the broiler to moderate heat and put the rack about 4 inches from the heat source. Remove the chicken pieces from the liquid and dry them gently with paper towels. Boil the sauce, along with the remaining coconut milk if you’re using it, over high-heat until it is reduced to about 1 cup; discard the bay leaves and keep the sauce warm. Meanwhile, grill, broil, or roast the chicken until brown and crisp and hot, turning as necessary, 10 to 15 minutes total (roasting will take a little longer). Serve the chicken with the sauce.
  
  -----
  
  I have never used coconut milk when making adobo. My Mom and Grandparents never used it, so I just went along with that school of thought. It sounds like it would be an interesting addition though! I have used bone-in and boneless chicken, as well as bone-in and boneless pork for this recipe and have never been unhappy with the results.
  
  I have followed this recipe step by step, including finishing it on the grill, and it turned out great. However, when my Mom or Grandparents made adobo, they would just keep the protein simmering in the liquid and I enjoy it that way too. I have also used this recipe as a reference for proportions, browned the protein, and put everything in a crock pot on low for a few hours. Depending on what types of flavors you like, you can also add onions, peppercorns, whole garlic cloves, extra bay leaves…I’m just naming things that I would find in my adobo when I was growing up. Haha.