Reddit mentions: The best humor essays

You've had a setback, but it isn't the end of the world. Things probably aren't as bad as you think they are, but it will take work both to catch up, and to convince yourself that you're up to speed.

1. Decide you're going to work at this. It sounds like this is where the major gap has been -- without your parents providing goals, it can be difficult to motivate yourself. Make a schedule, and stick to it. Assume something like four hours of work a day and do it -- you might find allocating certain hours works better. I don't know if you have other responsibilities, like a job or caring for family, so ultimately you'll have to decide on this.
   
   
2. Figure out how far behind you really are.
   
   a) Reading
   
   A lot of English skills are about practice, so reading anything (including Reddit) is good. Maybe pick up a popular book:
   
   "The Hunger Games" or "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (or Sorcerer's) Stone" are both at about a grade 6 level. I'd avoid Twilight, which is at about a grade 4 level (and everything past the first book is crap, in my opinion).
   
   If that's okay, try "To Kill a Mockingbird" or "1984". These are more cultural classics (so you can feel more sophisticated), but at still interesting to read, and are at about a grade 8-9 level.
   
   There aren't really a lot of books that are more difficult than that to read, so if you can manage that, you can read well enough to do a GED.
   
   The more difficult books generally use archaic language like "The Canterbury Tales" or Shakespeare. In general I wouldn't recommend Shakespeare since reading plays is difficult, the language complicates things, too many people treat them as serious and deadly dull, and it takes a lot of work to even understand many of the references -- that's a place for a good teacher (and teachers who are up to the task are few and far between).
   
   You might also try looking at something like (Dont-Know-Much-About-History)[http://www.amazon.com/Don't Know Much About History/dp/0060083824]. It's fairly advanced reading (grade 11-12), and it teaches some aspects of US history that you might not know. If you like that, there's a similar book by the same author about geography. I'll also suggest (Mother Tongue)[http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Tongue-English-How-That/dp/0380715430] by Bill Bryson. Again a possibly interesting subject, and it's funny.
   
   For other books, a good librarian can be a great resource, or some sites can offer some suggestions for books based on reading level.
   
   b) Writing
   
   I think that clear written communication is a very important skill. Your question was clear, so that's a good sign you aren't too far behind. Some Essay writing is more common in higher education, but the skills are still useful in office work. The introduction in an essay and an executive summary are quite similar.
   
   The problem here is that getting someone else's point of view is very helpful. You might be able to find some assistance on Reddit, but many colleges have writing centers to help students with this. You could probably approach a local high-school teacher -- in many cases they are willing to help any motivated student. It's amazing how much you can improve if you find someone who is decent and take the time to re-write the essay a few times to incorporate their suggestions. It's difficult to completely rewrite an essay multiple times, but going through the effort once or twice can make a dramatic difference. (As a student my wife worked in one of those writing centers and several times had cases where the professors didn't believe the students could improve that much that quickly.)
   
   c) Math
   
   There are a number of sites like http://ca.ixl.com/ that have basic math tests. These don't try to teach math like Khan Academy does, but they can help figure out where to start going through the lessons.
   
   I'm already helping with some math tutoring, so I'm fairly comfortable offering my help here. (If you're serious about this, PM me ahead of time since I'm not always logged into Reddit.)
   
   
3. Catching up
   
   Depending on how far behind you actually are you have a few options.
   
   As others have said, there are GED courses at many community colleges.
   
   If you don't feel ready for that there are also free online high school classes. I don't know much about these, but this one seems to have a pretty standard curriculum, and gets reasonable approval from the home schooling forums. There are also summer school and adult education high school courses that you can take in most places. Or you might try enrolling in regular high school -- this might be the best option, since it provides a structure, extra help from teachers if you're willing to ask for it, and some of the social contact. If you sign up for next year now you'll have given yourself a deadline for some of the other work, which might help with the motivation.

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, I got hit with a pretty nasty respiratory bug which put me down for awhile.

Anyway, on to talking about a general plan for this project. I think that the best thing to do would be to start with a light touch, and see how well she takes to it.

With that in mind, I might recommend starting with 'Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar'. Plato and a Platypus is a cheap, and reasonably instructive (though superficial) introduction to a range of philosophical questions through jokes. It is a strange approach, but one I think works quite well as a something like a philosophical appetizer that introduces lots of interesting topics. It has a sequel focused on politics ("Aristotle and an Aardvark") which is also quite good. I will warn that not all of the jokes are appropriate for all audiences, so whether you like this book might depend on how liberal you feel like being regarding jokes featuring explicit language, adult themes, etc.

I also definitely recommend anything from the Oxford Very Short Introduction series, particularly (given your interests) the Very Short Introduction to Philosophy and Ethics. In my experience, the entire VSI series is excellent, and I've used some of them to teach philosophy at the community college level. They are extremely brief (they can fit into my pockets) and accessible, and also quite cheap (usually about 10 bucks a piece). They are written by leading experts on each given topic, and there is an enormous selection if you decide that you want to explore particular topics (Ancient Philosophy, Political Philosophy, Theology, etc). They will be a bit tougher than Plato and a Platypus in that they don't typically have much fluff, but should still be generally relatively accessible. The Ethics volume is pretty solid, built around a series of major questions that ethics needs to respond to. I will offer two warnings about the VSI series:
(1) VSI formatting is largely left up to the author, so the approach varies considerably from text to text. This allows authors to structure the material however they feel is best, which usually turns out great. Just be ready for some jumps in how they deal with things (e.g., the Ethics volume is divided into sections which each review some set of related questions and possible answers, while the Logic volume is problem centered and features new tools of formal logic to address various problems presented in each chapter)
(2) Authors of VSI are almost always working scholars with particular philosophical viewpoints - and this will come across in their texts. Expect some axes to be ground, and presuppositions assumed. That said, of the one's I've read (maybe 5 or so at this point), they still presented a rather fair overview of the field.

I think for books, you will be hard pressed to do better than Plato and a Platypus/Aristotle and an Aardvark to provoke the feeling that philosophy is worthwhile, and the Very Short Introduction series to provide an actual introduction into the field.

There are also some great philosophy podcasts. The best for a non-philosopher is likely "Philosophize This", which is a largely chronological review of a fair chunk of the most significant philosophers in history (even including some non-Western thinkers). Again, the material isn't explicitly aimed at younger folk, so there may be some touchy content, but it is generally an exceptional program. They have quite a backlog now (something like 90 episodes), so there is plenty of material there.

Also, I've found a couple of course plans for philosophy in middle school. The strongest looking one to me is this one from UNC. Definitely worth looking at as a way to structure your thoughts, but I would augment it with some of the resources covered above.

I think this would yield a pretty low cost way to test if this approach will work. Assuming you were to buy all four books I've mentioned, I think it would run a total of about $40 per person, which should make this a pretty light investment in terms of money. Likewise, the books are all relatively short, so you might make it through them in as little as a month (if you were really motivated).

I think the real trick will be in deciding where to go after the initial introduction has been made and more serious texts are being considered, but this will depend a lot on how this project develops. I think the best thing to do with that is to wait and see how things turn out, then plan the next leg of the introduction. I'll be around for the foreseeable future, and would be happy to help you figure that out when the time comes.

Let me know what you think, and keep me in the loop as the project unfolds. I am very interested in this project and would be happy to lend a hand when possible.

This was during the beginning of the American Revolution when both men were traveling through New Jersey enroute to negotiate with the British. Sharing beds was very common at the time, but its hilarious to imagine these two brilliant statesmen sharing a little bed together and arguing about the window like a married couple. I'm so happy Adams included this detail in his diary for posterity. It makes me think about how many other fascinating and funny little stories like this from history that we will never know about.

Edit: Since this is blowing up, I wanted to share my favorite Benjamin Franklin essay, which is actually one big fart joke. He was easily the funniest of the Founding Fathers and he loved a good dirty joke. In 1781, 5 years after sharing that tiny little bed with John Adams, Franklin was the United States Ambassador in France. 75 years old, he was huge celebrity in Paris where everyone knew of his scientific discoveries and his work in the American Revolution. He followed the scientific community of Europe, but he found it pretentious and unwilling to address practical questions that would improve society. His answer was to write a satirical research proposal calling for a way to alter the "odious" smell of farts and make them as "agreeable as perfumes." Here is his proposal. There's nothing quite like American history where you can get a hearty laugh from a 200-year-old fart joke written by one of the Founding Fathers.

(btw If anyone is interested in reading more hilarious essays showing Franklin's dirty but genius sense of humor, check out this book which compiles alot of his best ones.)

Edit 2: My title could be misleading if someone didn’t read the link. I should have said “disagreement” rather than of “argument” which makes it sound too combative and I should have written “before sleeping” rather than “instead of sleeping” which sounds like the disagreement lasted all night.

• Primary thing you need to do is make sure that when you go camping, you inform someone what your plans are and when you'll be back, so that if anything at all happens, that person can alert the proper authorities, fly in helicopters, release the hounds etc.
  
  
• I'll refer you to REI, but a lot of that is kind of advertising their own products, encouraging you to purchase the latest gadget and so on, but it has some good nuggets of wisdom, like the checklist. You can also rent tents from them instead of going full-hog and buying one (if there's one in your vicinity). Don't get sucked into acquiring all the awesome things though. Going camping is about what you can leave behind.
  
  
• ESSENTIALS I hate to say it cause the gays and Boy Scouts of America don't mix too well, but their 10 essentials list is actually awesome. And for that matter, their handbook on camping could be useful.
  
  
• COMFORT Tent: depending on how cozy you want to get with this friend, a 2-4 person tent should do, and if packing it up into a small space and lugging it around isn't an issue, don't worry too much about weight. Stove: Coleman's the classic, and it will last forever, just make sure you can get it lit. (practice!). Sleeping bags/sleeping pads/cots/air mattress: all different options for sleeping comfort.
  
  
• FOOD You should probably plan on 2 big meals a day, like breakfast and dinner. Pre-made pancake batter, frozen pre-made omelet mix, pre-cooked sausages, and bacon are good starters for breakfast. My favorite thing for dinner is hobo packs: heavy duty aluminum foil "boats" that you fill with peppers, potatoes, cubed steak, onions, seasoning, that you throw in the fire pit, after sealing them up nice and tight. They'll cook up in like 20-30 minutes.
  
  Wear layers, bring way more water than you need/have access to fresh clean water. Pack sufficient food. One of the best things, if you're not too keen on lugging everything around with you is car camping. Have a look at your state's park services, they usually have spots that you can rent for super cheap for the weekend, drive your car up, pitch the tent, and get started on the fire.
  
  Also, heres a great book, kind of on camping.
  
  Anything else that I can think: wet-wipes in a ziploc bag. Ziploc bags. Bug repellent. Lighter fluid. Propane for stove. Lighter. Pocket knife. Hatchet - seriously helpful. ICE. Cooking always takes way longer than you think it will, with set-up, assembly, clean-up. Don't take any unnecessary risks. Man, now I want to go camping.
  
  Have a good time with your "buddy".

I'll comment on both content (fact-checking) and writing structure & style. I realize others have corrected some of the data but I'm going through this as a line-edit so you'll see some repetition.

In particular: Even after the fact checking, if I were grading or judging your article (and without giving away details about my true identity, that "if" would hold some authority), I would give you no better than a C because of statements like "Overall the religion is nothing more than a money grab created by a con man," particularly given that it is obvious you have little knowledge of the subject.

If you are reporting, you report, and you do not opine. The essence of journalism (or anything like it) is to explain the facts without your emotional involvement, and to report how both supporters and detractors see the subject. ("Those in favor of this legislation see it as a way to help the disadvantaged; those opposed feel the monies raised would only benefit the military-industrial complex and never help anybody.") The idea is always to present the facts so that the reader can make an informed decision. That is especially true when you find you feel strongly in one direction or another. (Also, it's more interesting.)

Obviously, many of the people here agree with your sentiment that "Overall the religion is nothing more than a money grab created by a con man." But some people do not share that conclusion, and if you were to write an essay well, you'd reflect their world view as well. And in any case, you don't support your assertion that he was a con man. (He wasn't -- he was far more complex than that -- but you're not alone in that conclusion.)

One of the essay's weaknesses is that you can't decide whether to give a timeline of the CofS's history or to describe it. The combination doesn't work. If I were you I'd focus on the description, even though you tried to grasp it yourself by following the timeline. (That's especially so since you got so much of the timeline wrong.)

For context: I am not a member of the Church of Scientology; I left in 1980. But I practice scientology independently, and I'm among those who expand/change auditing technology to improve its workability. That makes the CofS members feel that I'm a heretic. It also means that I examine what I learned in scientology in detail to determine what part I agree with and what I object to. So take my advice with that in mind.

> Scientology is a new age religion founded in 1954 by L. Ron Hubbard.

As others pointed out: not "new-age" (that term was invented far later) and the date was 1953.

>Hubbard was a well-established science fiction writer with some 140 stories published in pulp fiction comics.

Leave out the "with some 140 stories published in pulp fiction comics." It isn't necessary, it has factual errors (never in comics), and it does not add to the description of Scientology. You either go into Hubbard's background in depth or you describe Scientology. The assignment clearly is to do the latter.

> In 1950 he released a book called Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health which became a best seller on the New York Times. Dianetics is not spiritual in itself but actually more of a psychoanalysis book.

Copyedit: Book titles are italicized, so it should be Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health. Also, most people abbreviate long titles like this, and the accepted writing style is to show that abbreviation after the full use of the title, so you'd write "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health (DMSMH)" and thereafter refer to the book as DMSMH. That's especially important here given that Dianetics refers to the practice or subject, and DMSMH makes it clear when you're writing about the book itself.

> In the book he spoke of finding the “dynamic principal of existence” which is to survive. The book explains that in our mind we have a section regarded as the reactive mind. Our brain records everything in our lives, and the fears and threats that trigger a survival response are placed in our sub conscious reactive mind. This way we can call upon these memories in similar situation to avoid them and survive. The Scientology website gives the example of a person eating a food that later made them sick. Now when they see that food, the reactive mind reminds them of sickness they felt before in an attempt to no experience that reaction again. These bad memories are known as “engrams”.

Copy edit: In the U.S., periods and commas go inside the punctuation. Thus:

• are known as “engrams.”
  not
  
• are known as “engrams”.
  
  (For more on improving this writing skill, read the very funny and instructive Eats, Shoots & Leaves.)
  
  > The book then explains that we are all thetans, spirits that are immortal and are simply placed into bodies. They are trillions of years old and the creators of the material world which they willed into existence according to the book(URL1).
  
  Incorrect. DMSMH does not discuss thetans or introduce the topic. It very deliberately does not mention past lives (which was a weird-o topic in the very conservative 1950s). Dianetics (both the subject as theory and the auditing as practiced) focused purely on people addressing engrams to reduce their emotional charge, and not on our spiritual existence. It certainly did not go into "how long we've been around" as spiritual beings.
  
  > We as thetans are not pure however according to the book. All of our past lives engrams as well as all our pre-birth and present experiences also develop engrams that have tainted the thetan. The only way to become a pure thetan is through the process of auditing.
  
  Incorrect data. First, again, nothing about thetans is addresses in DMSMH; that's in other, later books.
  
  Second, there's no discussion of "purity" in any manner. Or rather, the concept is that we are each already immensely powerful (and kinda cool) but have collected some bad crap along the way to be cleaned up. Rather like an adorable little kid who plays in the mud; all you need to do is wash off the mud, to begin with, and then later you help the kid learn new skills and abilities (including how to avoid getting dirty in mud puddles). You aren't trying to become something you are not; you're working to become more of what you are.
  
  The key point here is that scientology sees each of us as immortal spiritual beings, called "thetans," as "spirit" and "soul" have so many meanings that they can confuse the issue. For example, in many religions you "have" a soul; in scientology there is a baseline belief that you are a soul. I am a thetan; I don't have one.
  
  > L. Ron Hubbard use to do shows where he would audit audience members. They would then claim to be able to see past lives and even go so far as to experience something called “exteriorization” which is when someone’s soul is separated from their mind and body.
  
  Copy edit: "used to," not "use to."
  
  Copy edit: "when someone’s soul is separated from their mind and body" is poor grammar because "someone" is singular and "their" is plural. Rephrase. It's up to you whether to write, "is released from his mind and body" or " ...his or her mind and body" or whatnot, but fix that.
  
  Line edit: How is the fact of him doing "shows" relevant to describing what Scientology is? This appears to be a case of, "I read it, and it sounded interesting, so I thought I'd include it." The fact of him doing "shows" was never the issue. (They were fun, but that's irrelevant here.) I think the point you mean to make is that from the earliest, Dianetics and Scientology were addressing topics such as past lives and the separation of the body and soul (what scientology calls a thetan).
  
  Also they were never "shows." They were technology demonstrations, done for the same reason that Apple attracts thousands of people to product announcements. That is, "This is something new and we want to show you how it works." It was never about him showing off in a carnival way. This was training: "Let me show you how it's done," for the same reason people watch videos on YouTube to learn how to crochet. You see how an expert does things and then you go off and do it yourself.
  
  You also imply an inaccurate cause-and-effect when you write, "They would then claim to be able to see past lives and ...". From the earliest experiments with Dianetics, and the number of people practicing auditing after reading DMSMH, people ran into past lives. Initially it was frowned upon to run those (like I said, in the 50s this was really weird), but everyone discovered that the only way to address the emotional charge -- to resolve the incident that might have ended with that case of food poisoning -- was to address whatever came up. Similarly, people were going exterior whether or not Hubbard was around.
  
  Your wording in this section betrays a negative attitude that does not belong. You can easily say that people getting auditing reported experiences from past lives, and some said they went exterior (the spiritual being separating from the body) ...without any judgement.
  
  Scientological comment: Yes, I have plenty of past life memories, and I'm generally pretty damned happy when I go exterior. Neither are the aim of what I'm doing, however.
  
  > In 1952 Hubbard released a second book building off of Dianetics called Scientology: A Religious Philosophy, this is where the religion was born. With the release of the book, Hubbard also established a few churches around America for Scientology. This is how his self-help pseudoscience writings became a religion.
  
  Factually incorrect data. Fix that.
  
  [continued...]
  

The first thing that I suggest is that you buy a reputable book that will teach you how to write. I'm not saying that you're a bad writer, but I would wager that most people write three times worse than they think they can (I am including myself). On Writing Well is a classic, and you might also want to read this one and this one, although I strongly recommend completing the first one. What's included is:

a) Keep it simple. Don't say it's going to be a turbulent precipitation, say that it's going to rain. A lot.

b) Study each adverb and adjective. Any words that aren't necessary should be cut. Is it really important to say that the violin was wooden? Probably not. What about the sentence "She smiled happily"? The "happily" isn't necessary, that's what "smiled" means.

c) Use specific verbs.

d) Consistency is key. Switching tenses or something similar in the middle of writing is generally a bad move.

e) Proofread. Duh. That goes hand in hand with editing.

So, yeah. You should really look into that stuff area. One read-through will help significantly.

Ok. So now that I finished preaching to you, let's move on. I didn't find any templates in my quick search, so that's of no use right now. What you can do, though, is study very well-written program notes. Are their sentences long or short? When are they longer or shorter, and why? Is the tone active or passive (psst. it's probably active)? What's the tone that they use, and what is your impression at the end? You get the gist. If you write down what you think your thoughts for three of these, you'll have a good idea what you're shooting for. Other than that, it's all up to you, so go nuts.

Anecdotes are also a nice way to make things entertaining. Search for stories, or impacts on the audience. Did you know there are at least six editions of the Rite of Spring? Why was the one your orchestra's performing (let's assume) created? Many people also don't know about the riot after its premier. Stravinsky escaped out the back entrance to avoid the aristocratic mob. Say fun things, win fun prizes, or something like that.

It's also important to know that stories tend to follow the path of one person. The Odyssey could have had its crew be the focus, instead it was Odysseus. Inside Out could have placed all the emotions front and center, but it was Sadness and Joy that saved the girl. Keep that in mind if you're going down a similar path.

Man, I went all out on this. Good luck with your program.

Of course I'm biased because this is what I love to do for a living (teach about language), but I also find myself learning about language in my free time.

Here are my "Greatest Hits" of language people, programs, blogs, and readings, in no particular order (despite the fact that I've numbered them):

1. Geoff Nunberg's segment on NPR's Fresh Air. Link to the Geoff Nunberg archive on NPR
   
   
2. The "On Language" column in The New York Times Magazine. I like the current columnist, Ben Zimmer, but I'm partial to William Safire. Here's a link to Safire's "How to Read a Column"
   
   
3. There are a number of good language blogs. It's probably "cheating" to put them all in one item, but here goes:
   
   

• Johnson, the language blog at The Economist
  
  
• Language Log
  
  
• Languagehat
  
  

4. Books:
   
   

• Bill Bryson: The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way and Made in America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States
  
  
• Expletive Deleted by Ruth Wajnryb
  
  

5. Random stuff: I like George Carlin's many humorous takes on language and Margaret Atwood's fiction and Dr. Seuss's many made-up and lovely sounding words.
   
   And I subscribe to /r/logophilia, which often has many amusing words, like pulchritudinous, an ugly word that means something beautiful.
   
   EDIT: And it's great to get a book on usage. I like Garner's Modern American Usage, but here's a list from Diana Hacker at Bedford of other good usage guides

I'm sure your friend has access to all the recovery literature he can handle, and more. I wouldn't even go there, if you are considering it.

I might go for some light entertainment.

Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods is about hiking the Appalachian Trail, it's an easy read and it's hilariously funny.

Cheryl Strayed's Wild is about hiking the PCT and is also a fun read.

For novels, I have to recommend A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan, and Middlesex by Jeffery Eugendes. They are both big huge sprawling books that are also super enjoyable and easy to read. (So they are not a new Moby Dick.) I've never read them, but I hear the Lord of the Rings books are completely absorbing too. They would take up a huge chunk of his time.

You might also send some comfort clothes. Some warm socks or slippers or sweatpants or a hoodie, something like that. (I'm a huge fan of LL Bean's sweats, they are super comfy and well made.) Also maybe an iTunes gift card if he's got an iphone or ipod.

Out of curiosity, what's the scifi book you're sending? I'm a big scifi fan too.

Hi there!

I would strongly recommend viewing and posting in /r/TrollXChromosomes
Those ladies are vulgar, gross, amazing, smart, and fun in all the best ways.

If you have a local library, the book Ant Farm by Simon Rich is super funny and easy to read. It's a collection of short stories.

If you are interested in a little schadenfreude, I check out r/cringepics

Speaking of schadenfreude, the soundtrack to Avenue Q is amazeballs even if you haven't seen the musical. Classics include: "The Internet is for Porn" "Everyone is a Little Bit Racist", "If You Were Gay (That'd be okay)", and "What do you do with a BA in English".

Here is one of my favorite less-known comic strips: http://www.marriedtothesea.com/

Of course there is always: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

Friends always help too. :)

This is a tricky task. Many movies don't even bother to try and sound authentic, other than to remove references to words that obviously didn't exist back then. Even then, they're far from perfect in removing modern words. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard the word "scrounge" (which came out of WWI) in movies set long before WW1. Most people won't notice those little linguistic mistakes and won't really matter.

We don't have sound recordings for most of recorded history. The International Phonetic Alphabet didn't get started in the late nineteenth century, and wasn't very widely used at first, so even books that discuss pronunciation usually did it by reference to other common words - some of which are pronounced differently now. What we do know of historical language comes mostly from documents, and at many points in history, written and spoken language were different. For example, in the US in the eighteenth century, the conventions for written language were very formal and involved the use of a lot of flowery language and formal expressions (e.g. "I am your most humble and obedient servant" as a valediction). Oral communication in daily use was generally less formal and flowery than written language, though in certain situations (e.g. lawyers speaking in court), the spoken language would be closer to written documents. Written records also tend to show us how the wealthy and educated used language, which isn't always indicative of how everyday people spoke as they went about their lives.

Hell, even once we started having audio recordings, those recordings didn't always reflect the way people actually spoke. For example, nobody really spoke the way people spoke on early radio and television. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-Atlantic_accent

The reality is that nobody knows for sure how people spoke prior to the twentieth century, and certainly you can't rely on your average movie-goer knowing how people spoke back then.

We have a better idea about how words were used and have changed meaning over the years but, again, most viewers won't know that the meaning has changed and you run the risk of confusing people if you're too authentic. It's not like you can have margin notes in a movie. :)

There are a few resources around the web that can help you get a feel for the language changes, like:

https://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/C18Guide.pdf

http://mentalfloss.com/article/29761/when-did-americans-lose-their-british-accents

https://www.theclassroom.com/how-to-speak-18th-century-english-12083381.html

One common mistake made is to make nineteenth century Americans sound British. According to second link above, the reality is that the British people used to sound more like Americans, not the other way around. At least one person has argued that the best example we have of what eighteenth century rural Americans sounded like is Yosemite Sam, believe it or not. I don't remember for sure where I read that, but I think it may have been Bill Bryson in https://www.amazon.com/Made-America-Informal-History-Language/dp/0380713810/ref=sr_1_4 . NB: I am not a linguist, and am only passing on stuff I've seen or read... and my memory is far from perfect. :)

Assuming you don't have access to a linguistic historian, your best bet is probably to find some other movies or shows from the time period your screenplay is set in, and look at how they wrote dialogue. Some possible suggestions: Deadwood, True Grit (Coen Bros version), Gangs of New York, etc. Note, none of these are historically accurate. The swearing in Deadwood is very accurate, and True Grit used a convention of minimizing contractions, even though contractions were widely used then in spoken language.

You want to sound authentic, not be authentic. :)

Few bits of advice.

1. Start reading. Every good writer is well read.
   
2. Speaking of reading.. Here are some books I'd recommend for learning writing skills.
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation/dp/1592402038
   
   This is a great book explaining everything you need to know about punctuation in a fun way.
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Vocabulary-Cartoons-Learn-Minute-Forget-ebook/dp/B00FBL1GL0
   
   This book is how I learned a bunch of vocabulary words. You'll never forget them with the help of the fun cartoons that help you recall the words.
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Brysons-Dictionary-Writers-Editors-Bryson/dp/0767922700
   
   Bryson is a great author and this book can be helpful to you as well.
   
   
3. Start Journaling daily. This is a great skill to learn because it helps focus your thoughts after a long day and it will help you organize ideas quickly in your mind as you write them down.
   
   4.Finally, practice writing. I don't know what field you are studying but I would recommend learning about academic writing. Find journals (through your college library) that are about your field of study and try reading an article or two and take notes on them. The goal is to try and connect a topic from your classes with an article or some other writing (you can find articles online from reputable sources other than journals) . Then you can try writing about your own perspective on the topic in a research style paper. This way you will learn more about what you are studying and see how other professionals write about it. Also, look for books about your field as they will be great resources for your writing.
   
   
4. If you would like more information about academic writing and how I personally organize notes and go about researching topics to write my own papers just comment or pm and we can talk more.

Hi, I have a degree in Philosophy and teach Philosophy/English to high schooler. The following advice and recommendations are what I give my students who are interested in philosophy. I would not recommend Kant as an introduction (not that he's bad, but he is difficult to understand). Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar is a book that explains philosophical topics and questions through humor and uses jokes to illustrate the concepts. It is accessible and thought provoking. If you are interested in logic you might enjoy Logicomix. It is a graphic novel that gives a biographical narrative of Bertrand Russell, an English philosopher whose work is the basis of all modern logic. It is not a book about logic per se, but it does give a good introduction to what logic is and how it can be used. Also, Russell's book A History of Western Philosophy is a good place to start your education in philosophy. If you are interested in atheism, read Richard Dawkins' book The God Delusion. This book goes through the most common arguments for the existence of God, and debunks them using logic and reasoning. Good luck and read on!

Tough to decide between the two, but it's the same author and they're tied together so I'll just go with it: Made in America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States and The Mother Tongue - English And How It Got That Way by Bill Bryson. As a lover of language and its history, it's really interesting to see the links between usage in Britain and America.

I didn't know of Bryson before randomly buying these (damn, do I love book stores) and plan on buying more of his in the future when my reading list has been pared down a bit. (I've since learned he's very well-known and my outdoors-loving, recovering alcoholic dad read a Bryson book about getting sober and hiking the Appalachians a few years back.) His writing is very engaging and incredibly funny. I've read a lot of other linguistic books that weren't nearly as "fun" to read as these. Highly recommended.

I have a lot of thoughts about it, but there's nothing I can say quickly. There are some great books by much smarter people than me on the /r/comedywriting reading list:

• Jokes: Philosophical Thoughts on Joking Matters - Ted Cohen
  
• Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life - Steve Martin
  
• The Comic Toolbox: How To Be Funny Even if You're Not - John Vorhaus
  
• And Here's the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers on their Craft - Mike Sacks
  
  There's also /r/standup. Doing standup has greatly informed my writing. I highly recommend it for anyone who thinks they're funny.

My favorite book in a long time which I'm currently reading is A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. It doesn't have much to do with anything but it keeps me entertained. Definitely check it out.

Second favorite is A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Both are rather obscure of meaning but have a fun precedence (this possibly more comical than the other)

If you are looking for a semi-serious book I recommend The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester. It does have to do with an ex-military doctor but it is hardly the focus of the book. It follows the creation of the Oxford American Dictionary, but it isn't quite what you'd expect. I don't believe I could give you in depth analysis for any of these nor if you'd like them. They are my favorite books (minus Calvin and Hobbs) and are worth a read.

While you're waiting for the timer, you might try reading books on liguistics.

I'm being snarky, but I'm also being serious. You clearly are interested in linguistics, but you don't seem to know that much about how and why words form and evolve their meaning. A great book that I love because it's not a technical book for professional linguists, but for people like us who have a general interest in language and its history, is The Mother Tongue: - English And How It Got That Way, by Bill Bryson. Where a grammar teacher might say "'it's history' is wrong, the correct way to say it is 'its history'", a linguist might say, "'its' is considered correct, but someday that could change". That's a super general example, but from the reading I've done, I've noticed that linguists not only accept, but often prefer, when language breaks the rules, rather than abides by it.

A Walk in the Woods is about my home hiking trail: the Appalachian Trail. This trail was basically in our backyard and I would hike there often before I went off to school in Idaho. We're now settled in Texas so to go hiking we'll need to trek a bit further.

A great book I read recently was Hawaii and it was marvelous. Its no wonder Michener was awarded the Pulitzer for his work.

For kids, I would recommend The Eleventh Hour. Its a mystery about a birthday party and a delicious meal. Very fun. Young kids will really like the pictures and the older kids will like trying to solve the mystery.

Thanks for mentioning you're seventeen; it does make a difference (to my mind!). M'colleagues below have recommended some pretty heavy reading, which I don't think is what you're really looking for on the face of it. If I were to recommend a book about philosophy to a seventeen-year-old, I wouldn't recommend a textbook, I'd recommend the following:

Plato and a Platypus walk into a bar. This is a book of jokes about philosophy. They're not very funny, but it's a good way to learn some ideas. Doesn't talk about people (old dead white men, for the most part); focuses on ideas.

The Pig that Wants to be Eaten. This is a little less frivolous; it's 100 little thought experiments. I'd say this is a bite-at-a-time book; read one, put the book down and think about it for a bit, then read another. I really enjoyed this.

Philosophy 101. This little volume is a pretty decent intro to some of the key ideas and thinkers of philosophy. No, it's not a textbook and it's not written by a professional philosopher, which is why I've recommended it. Its mistakes are small enough that if you get interested and start reading some more about the topic you'll pick up where the author went wrong pretty quickly. Again, this is a bite-at-a-time book.

Hope that helps, and of course if you find an idea and you have questions about it: ask away. :)

I can tell from your comments: You are a close minded die hard atheist who demonizes religion, and you blindly hate the very idea of religion based on what you have heard from others.

Isn't that the something as someone who is dedicated to a church and demonizes the "heathen Atheists" based on what others have told them?

Just think about it. You claim all this bad things will come from Pastafarianism but just from your questions I can tell you have never even read a page of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Reply if you wish but I have no desire to continue a conversation with a close minded individual like you currently are being, so I will no longer be replying to any of your comments. You have a good life and I honestly do hope you find inner peace.

This is the older one you're thinking of?

https://www.amazon.com/Hitchhikers-Guide-Galaxy-Complete-Radio/dp/0563504196


The older one has five radio series, unconfirmed if it's the remaster of the first two phases and the extended edits of the next three, but I believe it is all that, and bonus disk:

>containing two programs from the BBC Archive: Kaleidoscope from 1980 (going behind the scenes of the second series) and Six Characters in Search of an Answer: Arthur Dent from 2002


Meanwhile the link you posted is explicit about being the remaster and extended edits. It has a bonus material of

>a 55-minute feature programme, Douglas Adams’s Guide tothe Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and a fascinating 50-minute interview with Douglas Adams

and

>Douglas Adams’s appearance on BBC Radio 4’s Bookclub, in which he talks to James Naughtie and a group of readers about comedy, sci-fi, the creation of his characters and his influences




disclaimer: I'm only going by what is described on Amazon from those links. I own the older box set as described, but yet to get around to picking up the newer one

"The Hegemony Consul sat on the balcony of his ebony spaceship and played Rachmaninoff's Prelude in C-sharp Minor on an ancient but well-maintained Steinway while great, green, saurian things surged and bellowed in the swamps below." - Hyperion, Dan Simmons

"Joe Gould is a blithe and emaciated little man who has been a notable in the cafeterias, diners, barrooms, and dumps of Greenwhich Village for a quarter of a century" - Up In The Old Hotel - Joseph Mitchell

"He told them he loved them" - Columbine - Dave Cullen

"Kazbek Misikov stared at the bomb hanging above his family. It was a simple device, a plastic bucket packed with explosive paste, nails, and small metal balls. It weighed perhaps eight pounds. The existence of this bomb had become a central focus of his life." - The School - C.J. Chivers

"It was summer; it was winter." The Long Fall of One-Eleven Heavy - MICHAEL PATERNITI

"The human head is of the same approximate size and weight as a roaster chicken. I have never before had occasion to make the comparison, for never before today have I seen a head in a roasting pan" Stiff: The Curious Lives of Cadavers - Mary Roach

For some background, Kluwe is like tailor made for reddit: very vocal on social issues (anti-Prism, pro-gay marriage, etc.), professional athlete (punter on the Raiders), massive gamer (loves Monster Hunter and his twitter handle is @ChrisWarcraft) and his reddit handle is /u/loate. He even tweets training camp videos using Google Glass and he's written a pretty awesome nerdtastic book Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.

So yeah, pretty awesome to see him as a consistent NPC in Shadowrun. I've been a fan of his since his UCLA days (GO BRUINS) so it's cool to see him still grabbing various headlines long after his college days.

• The Writing Life by Annie Dillard -- An example both in the things she says and how she says it of damn good writing. It's short, and influential. I read it three times in twenty four hours the first time I picked it up.
  
  
• [Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/087788918X/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=087788918X&linkCode=as2&tag=crysbrya-20) by Madeline L'Engle -- I recommend this for anyone of any faith or lack thereof for L'Engle's discussions on true art, the morality of art, the effect it has on a person's being and possibly the best writing I've ever read of hers, and I love L'Engle's novels, so that's saying something.
  
  
• On Writing Well by William Zinnser -- My personal copy has probably half the book underlined, but my favorite chapter, by far, is Chapter 2, Simplicity. I feel it should be required reading for every author aspirant.
  
  
• The Art of the Personal Essay by Philip Lopate -- This is an anthology, but a better teacher of good personal writing than any how-to book I've ever read.
  
  
• Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss -- You'll never find grammar or punctuation boring again after reading Truss's hilarious and informative treatment of the worthiness of punctuation, in current times and throughout history. (Though I disagree with her dismissal of the interrobang.)

Who's got book recommendations? Here are mine:

• I recently read Today is the Last Day of the Rest of Your Life by Ulli Lust and it was AMAZING! It's a graphic novel/memoir (which there seem to be a lot of lately and I love it because it combines two of my favorite things) about the author's time as a young adult traveling around Italy in the 80s. It starts with her and her friend turning tricks to raise money for the trip and gets crazier from there. A lot of it was about her dealing with the fact that men are only interested in her to sleep with her, and her disillusionment with the punk/runaway society she makes herself part of.
  
• I also read Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, David Sedaris's new book, and it was good. I laughed. BUT it didn't recapture the hilarity I felt reading Me Talk Pretty One Day or Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. But still, I recommend it if you like Sedaris.
  
• And I just started reading The Feminine Mystique but I haven't gotten into the actual book yet because there are like 4 introductions. I'm excited to read it, though.

lets see...

• Bill Byrson's The Mother Tongue
  
• Korea, old and new: A history
  
• Sandman Slim
  
• Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software
  
• How to Win Friends & Influence People
  
• The Design of Everyday Things
  
• The Hero with a Thousand Faces
  
  I've been interested in the development of the english language, and I like Bryson's writing style. I met someone from Korea, and as per my usual habit, when I meet someone out of country I try to learn some of their native history, thus the history book. I like urban fantasy, so Sandman slim looked interesting. I'm a CompE major, so code and The design of everyday things is relevant to me. The others are just things that have been recommended to me.
  
  I think I might get get through half of them at most, especially since I also have a Steam library calling me like the whore it is. This is the first year I have access to a large university library during break, so I'm going to take advantage of it.l

There's a player on the game called [Player[Bill Bryson]], he wrote a funny user guide about the Appalachian Trail mission. It's more of a blog, really, but you may find it very helpful. I liked it.

Not many people that undertake the mission do it all in one go. But doing it as sectional quests is still great for [INT]. This is a good place to start.

1. "Emails from an Asshole"
   
2. I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails (The reviews claim that the emails were published.. but its still amusing anyways)
   
3. [The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War] (http://www.amazon.com/Warlizard-Chronicles-Adventures-Vodka-Women/dp/0615461875) By one of our very own reddit users /u/warlizard
   
   
   Granted these are humor books so its going to be more entertaining than helpful.

I always get very excited when anyone acknowledges my username, so thanks! And yes, I love it very much; I'd recommend The Mother Tongue - English and How It Got That Way if you want a hilarious (seriously, it is) book on English that'll make you love it too.

I just finished David Sedaris' newest book, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls. I loved it, but creative non-fiction is super addictive to me right now. I'm currently reading an exceptionally good book that I got when was free, called 36 Twisted Tales. There's a fair amount of grammatical errors, but hell, it was free!

I think I'm going to start World War Z next, but I also have the Game of Thrones waiting to be read... and a backlog of like 20 games to play. Being unemployed is so exhausting. ;) I constantly have that post-reading stuffed-full-of-knowledge feeling!

It's not free, but "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" by Lynne Truss is a pretty great read about the importance of punctuation. AND it's cleverly written.

I know I must be missing some, but these are all that I can think of at the moment.

Fiction:

Collected Fictions by Jorge Luis Borges

The Stranger by Albert Camus

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon

White Noise by Don Delilo

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

The Waste Land by T. S. Eliot

Everything that Rises Must Converge by Flannery O'Connor

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men by DFW

Infinite Jest by DFW

Of these, you can't go wrong with Infinite Jest and the Collected Fictions of Borges. His Dark Materials is an easy and classic read, probably the lightest fare on this list.

Non-Fiction:

The Music of the Primes by Marcus du Sautoy

Chaos by James Gleick

How to be Gay by David Halperin

Barrel Fever by David Sedaris

Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

Secret Historian by Justin Spring

Of these, Secret Historian was definitely the most interesting, though How to be Gay was a good intro to queer theory.

This comment is wonderful, because it shows the importance of situational awareness. While the example below is in relation to commas in a list, it still points out the importance of seeing it through to make your proper point.

Eats, shoots, and leaves.
The panda has a meal, fires it’s pistol then splits.

Eats shoots and leaves.
The panda eats bamboo and plants.

This shows how important this comment is. You need to always take a good look!

(Taken from the wonderful book Eats, Shoots & Leaves: A Zero Tolerance Approach yo Punctuation.

I know it's not exactly the time period you specified, but gold is to be found in Up in the old hotel. It's a collection of stories, (or rather encounters) that writer Joseph Mitchell made in his career as a writer for the New Yorker. Truly great writing and some great stories!

$24/mo is absurd. The best way to check grammar is to put it down and come back an hour or two later to proofread. If you're desperate, MS Word does have a built-in grammar check tool you can use or Open Office has some grammar check extensions you can download such as LanguageTool.

If you question your own grammar, get a couple of light and easy grammar references to keep by your desk. Eats, Shoots & Leaves or The Transitive Vampire are two that are easy to work with and don't take themselves too seriously.

EDIT: Also, if you need to write regularly, buy one of these: The Synonym Finder. Hands down one of the best, easiest to use on the market. I write professionally and I have 5 copies of this book -- one for every place I may wind up writing. That's how useful I find it.

Get another shot ready.

No, I really should try to follow my username.

I'm a language descriptivist, not a language prescriptivist. Essentially, the distinction is that for descriptivists, the definition of words is how they are used, whereas for prescriptivists, the definition of a word is prescribed, usually by a particular authority, such as a dictionary.

In the descriptivist paradigm, it is impossible to use a word incorrectly (but it can be used contrary to what is usual or expected), new words come into and out of existence all the time, and a person can define a word for their own contextual use as they please.

In the prescriptivist paradigm, a word is incorrect if its use doesn't match the prescribing authority, new words must be specifically added by the authority, and a person is supposed to find the exact word or composition of words they need from the provided supply.

I find some problems with prescriptivism. First off, it means that some people who own the language others use. Second, there are many prescribing authorities, and they don't all agree. Third, if you want a word to describe a new concept, you're screwed.

I like descriptivism. First off, it's a better, more accurate model for how people actually use language; people make up new words all the time; languages evolve, borrowing and adapting where they see fit. Second, allowing people to define words within a context allows for more expressiveness, compactness, and power in the language we use.

An example of a prescriptive language in French[1]. An prescriptive authority would be one like Webster's dictionary[2].

A descriptive language would be one like English. A descriptive authority would be one like the Oxford English Dictionary.

[1] French has the infamous Académie française, which determines exactly what the language consists of. The academy has been involved in suppression of native languages such as Breton and Basque as recently as 2008, and of native languages in the french colonies when France had colonies. Prescriptivists can commit crimes against humanity.

[2] Noah Webster was a very important person in the history of english, for many of the wrong reasons. He was staunchly involved in trying to reform english, and was more or less singlehandedly responsible for a number of changes in our speak. The dictionary itself has strayed towards descriptivism since its book on english usage in 1993.

The topic is actually a really big one, and well discussed. An excellent book on the history of english that touches on the subject is The Mother Tongue, by Bill Bryson.

This is a very interesting point. Last week I read The Mother Tongue by Bryson. It's a wonderful overview of the development and divergence of the English language, and explores the tendencies for Americans to retain the foreign word for an object: but also the trend of using the German or French word for a foreign article over a spanish/mandarin/japanese one.

He argued that it came down to isolation of a language affecting it's development the most. There are people in England who are not mutually intelligible to one another, just as there are people who cannot understand one another in America, but they are all technically speaking the same language. The idiomatic expressions are more unique than regional dress or music (with the exception of the appalachians). Yet, if you add things like Uber or Wonder or Kinder to the front of a word, it becomes mutually intelligible across most dialects because of common Germanic roots. The same could be said for the latin participles, also.
I assume with foods that are easy to pronounce and are phonetically identifiable (for example saur sounds like 'sour' and kraut has a hard sound like 'cabbage'... retaining saurkraut is not as difficult as say: poutine, which is often called monster fries or urban fries).

I just finished Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, but anything my David Sedaris is AMAZING. My favorite book of his thus far is Me Talk Pretty One Day.

I'm so sorry for your loss- I'll make sure to give my 8 year old "puppy" (who is awkwardly staring at me as I type this) an extra long hug tonight in honor of your dog.

I hope this cheers you up a bit. The amazon selling price is a little over $10, but the title still makes me laugh. Yes, i have the sense of humor of a 15 year old boy at my core.

Recommended Reading:
https://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation/dp/1592402038

The more you read, the better your writing. Thankfully I am still very technical, but write up drafts to the best of my ability as our team has some excellent word smiths. Above book is how we solve arguments, but still working on comma usage.

This guy has some good info

Kristen Gates has great info on ultralight gear and has tons of experience.

Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods is a good read.

Youtube also has anything you could ever want to learn.

Also since you will be packing around trees. Many long distance hikers have sworn by hammocks, they are good alternative to tents when attempting to save weight.

Recommended these a while back, great, assessable reads.

The Language Instinct by Stephen Pinker
http://www.amazon.com/The-Language-Instinct-Mind-Creates/dp/0061336467/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343383543&sr=8-1&keywords=the+language+instinct

Patterns in the Mind by Ray Jackendoff
http://www.amazon.com/Patterns-Mind-Language-Human-Nature/dp/0465054625/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1343383561&sr=1-1&keywords=patterns+in+the+mind

And if you are into etymology, check out

The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way, by Bill Bryson
http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Tongue-English-How-That/dp/0380715430/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1343383614&sr=1-1&keywords=the+mother+tongue

The Unfolding of Language: An Evolutionary Tour Through Mankind's Greatest Invention, by Guy Deutscher
http://www.amazon.com/The-Unfolding-Language-Evolutionary-Invention/dp/0805080120/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1343383676&sr=1-2-fkmr0&keywords=guy+deucher+language

Again, all superb books.

> and so it's fun to see people's reactions when they hear about it. Besides, this is not NEARLY the weirdest thing about me.

Well, you almost had me think you're /u/Warlizard. If you want to suddenly seem perfectly normal, I recommend you to buy his book. GF got me one as a gift. It's... well, it's quite something. I recommend it.

You can find stories from the book in comments he left in various askreddit threads and such.

There are formal grammar guides and more 'layman' and humorous guides, but I've found the best success just by learning from context. Read quality books in any field and see how authors write. Read articles in newspapers and magazines that are not sold on supermarket checkout lines, and notice the writing. Learn by osmosis, just by seeing correct grammar and observing it. You'll get a feel for comma placement, apostrophe use, and so forth. Honestly, that's how I learned.

I will say the few sentences you've typed above are pretty decent. Only a couple of minor, nitpicky, errors.

It's a nice quote, but doesn't really make sense to me. A period does not indicate one is finished speaking. It simply helps us organize our words in a more understandable manner. I would imagine a supreme being doesn't speak in run-on sentences.

I am not an English major, although I did enjoy reading Eats, shoots and leaves, but that quote has one too many commas. The first comma should be a period.

I haven't sat down with a book in a while.. but I've got an old favorite on the way. The last book I sat down and read was Penn Jillette's God No!. I really enjoyed the little stories.. but I'm already a big fan of Penn and his brand of humor.

I'm currently reading Up In The Old Hotel, by Joseph Mitchell, who used to write for the New Yorker. It's a collection of largely non-fiction stories, most of which concern eccentrics living in New York City around the time of the FDR presidency and a little after. It's a great read, though for some reason I had to accustom myself to it. I'm now enjoying it more than when I started it.

I'm also reading a collection of short stories by Jhumpa Lahiri, Interpreter of Maladies, for which she won the 2000 Pulitzer Prize. I've only read the first two, but they are terrific. I'm treating the book as if it were a fine box of chocolate truffles. The stories seem too fine to be gorging oneself on them.

> ... and totally not known even remotely enough in general.

I think this is one of the reasons I'm so open about recommending his work. He seems to have the ability to take topics that most people may not be exposed to and make them comprehensible. It's similar to the way I feel about Mary Roach in books like Stiff, Bonk, and Gulp.

Along with that, Bryson has some purely entertaining works like A Walk in the Woods, Notes From a Small Island, and The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir that are just a joy to read. I guess I'll stop now because I'm starting to feel like shill.

Edit: spelling is hard.

Have you read Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss? It isn't long, but it is a great, funny book about common grammatical errors. It includes some interesting history about grammar and the context helps cement grammar guidelines into your brain.

I strongly recommend reading Made in America by Bill Bryson. In theory it is about the history of American English but in practise it is also American history and as with all Bill Bryson books is very funny in addition to being informative. It covers this whole naming situation, including amusing efforts at regulating spelling. The post office did (eventually!) manage to enforce that there couldn't be duplicate names within a state.

A short history of nearly everything is also a rollicking good read.

Give this book a read

http://www.amazon.com/Walk-Woods-Rediscovering-America-Appalachian/dp/0307279464

It might bring you some happiness, and maybe some motivation to go hike the Appalachian trail. Focus on your dog as much as you can, he's one of the most unconditional loves you'll ever get.

Hope everything goes well for you

For those new to philosophy, I'd recommend The Pig That Wants to Be Eaten: 100 Experiments for the Armchair Philosopher, as well as Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar. I'm not all the way through the second one but it seems interesting. These are fairly simple but interesting introductory books that teach you some of the issues philosophers deal with.

Hope this helps!

This book, "Plato and a Platypus walk into a bar" is very helpful for understanding basic philosophy concepts through jokes. I read it when I was younger and it was very entertaining to read, not overwhelming or intimidating, and pretty funny also.

https://www.amazon.com/Plato-Platypus-Walk-into-Understanding/dp/0143113879

Well, to linguists (and others), it does matter - to them! To the rest of us, what matters is that we all agree to use the same order - it keeps things, well, orderly. Because we've all implicitly agreed to use this order, it would gain nothing by trying to break it and use something else - if any order is just as good as any other, the current order is perfectly fine, and more importantly, compatible with current usage.


As to "why it matters that there is an order" I think can be answered not about language, but about human perception: we want to find order in chaos, and see patterns in everything, even when there is none - which is why gamblers have a huge problem, we see things like the face on mars, read tea leaves, etc. So we feel that there should be a reason why the letters are ABC, when there really isn't one outside of historical usage that changed over time.




For a good book related to the subject of English in general, pick up a copy of The Mother Tongue - English And How It Got That Way by Bill Bryson. Well written, very accessible to non-linguists.

I would also recommend Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar. I found the book extremely entertaining because of the corny jokes (and some of them are god awful), and it made some schools of philosophy easier to understand for me.

There is also a new blog someone from Reddit started yesterday, and it is highly entertaining.

We were all 18 once...


Specifically, the problem with "go out to eat or go to a convenience store" is that both of those are going to basically nullify the benefit you have to backwoodsing it. Nearly anywhere in the US you can get a room to rent for something like $250/mo if you're willing to drive a bit. This doesn't apply to big places like New York or San Francisco... but if you're able to camp there, you can probably find a place to live for cheap. But if you're buying prepared food, I don't see that being less than $20 a day.


But look at dry goods like rice and beans. You can actually eat a 1:1 ratio of rice and beans and get a complete protein for a few dollars a day. A fridge (see above about renting a room) is going to be able to stretch your food dollars much further than if you have no refrigeration.


Regardless, you should use this summer as an opportunity to test-run some of this. Go find some dispersed camping sites, try camping for a week.


Also, I want to highly recommend you read Into the Wild: https://www.amazon.com/Into-Wild-Jon-Krakauer/dp/0385486804 -- maybe A Walk In the Woods, too: https://www.amazon.com/Walk-Woods-Rediscovering-America-Appalachian/dp/0307279464/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2165P9GZRK25U&keywords=a+walk+in+the+woods+bill+bryson&qid=1562608312

if you want an awesome, interesting audiobook to listen to, listen to Penn's book "God, no!" he reads it, and it is pretty hilarious. one of the most memorable audiobooks i have heard!

Last Breath: The Limits of Adventure

Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook

I have brought both these books to many summer camps. They are fun to pass around and both have excellent scouting uses.

If you just want something to read for fun if you haven't read World War Z/Zombie Survival Guide those are fun written by Mel Brooks son.

11/22/63 by Stephen King is an amazing read. Someone from today travels back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination.

I read mostly fantasy/scifi so I'm probably not much help.

The radio plays can be bought from amazon for the full set of the first 5 phases. I would particularly recommend buying the radio series, It really is the coolest thing since cryogenics.
(http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0563504196/ref=asc_df_05635041969506194?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&tag=googlecouk06-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22206&creativeASIN=0563504196)

Eoin Colfer really gets the style and feel of Douglas, If you enjoy Douglas's work you will certainly enjoy "And another thing", my only pet peeve is that I would have much preferred he had continued with the extended ending found in the radio series.

I'm pretty obsessed with proper grammar and punctuation, and I love semicolons (even though Kurt Vonnegut would reject me for it). I would give you a long explanation since I love talking, being a teacher and all, but the Oatmeal's comic is much more concise and amusing than I could ever hope to be.

As a grammar nerd, I'd recommend the classics when it comes to grammar and usage: Eats, Shoots & Leaves and The Elements of Style.

Favorite song: I'm a cloud by Boy hits car

Favorite book: A walk in the woods by bill bryson

Favorite movie: Braveheart

Favorite game: Phase10

This game looks awesome! In the case of a zombie apocalypse I would grab my copy of the trusty Worst Case Scenario Book! From improvising weapons to living off the land, perfect for anyone running from hordes of zombies.

Thanks for the PiF!

Steam id: kmolleja

Alright, if this happens, here's whatcha need to do.

STEP 1

Roll down or break your windows as soon as you hit the water. This will equalize pressure and let you out. To break it, use anything from the headrest of your seat, to your foot, to a ladies heeled shoe.

STEP 2

GTFO. Don't take anything with you unless its someone else. Don't waste time on anything but a person, because if the water is deeper than fifteen feet, your car will end up upside down. This complicates things.

STEP 3

If you can't open or break the windows, do not panic. Wait until your car touches bottom and starts filling up. Once the water reaches your chest, take a very deep breath and open your door. Swim to the surface.

Source: https://www.amazon.com/Worst-Case-Scenario-Survival-Handbook/dp/0811825558 this book, which I'm super glad I have a use for, finally.

I highly recommend God, No! by Penn Gillette. It is a quick and easy read, but it was the final piece of the puzzle for me. It made me be okay with being atheist and that I could be happy without religion. Losing religious belief opens you up to a world of infinite possibilities, it is scary because it is unknown. You get to choose your own destiny now, but you can and will find happiness in your own unique way.

If you're looking for a fun, but enriching read, I highly recommend Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything". It's tough to put down and you're guaranteed to learn some amazing things.

Similarly, Bryson's "A Walk in the Woods" comes to mind, although I haven't read it in some time. Seems fitting for the gaybros since it's about hiking the Appalachian Trail - a dream of mine some day.

I have a few suggestions.

The Philosophy Gym has 25 short philosophy things, with pictures and dialogues. Stephen Law also has a lot of other books of similar style that might be worth looking into.

Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar is a philosophy joke book, which might be a fun coffee table book.

The Philosophy Bites book has 25 interviews with leading contemporary philosophers.

The Stone Reader has articles by leading contemporary philosophers that were published in the New York Times philosophy column, The Stone.

Hope that helps!

Back in my junior high days the most influential book for me was a toss up between Run, boy, Run and SoldierX.

In highschool, I found No Country for Old Men, The Road, and Fast Food Nation extremely moving. Brave new world is up there as well.


Right now, I'm reading this and it's actually really great.

Here's where you can buy it
The paperback is cheaper, but I definitely like the quality of the hardcover.
Here is the pdf version
It's free, but I always preferred a physical copy.

I'm ordering a copy of 'Eats Shoots & Leaves' (link), a humorous way to learn grammar. /u/Idonthaveaname referred me to it, and I can't wait to get it. The book was a number one best seller, and it's a grammar tutorial book if that tells you anything about it's comedic value.

link to my big post about fantasy/sci-fi openings. Scroll past the specific comments.

I second the Horwitz nomination and add Richard Grant, author of "God's Middle Finger" and "Crazy River."
Both of those demonstrate a spirit for and enjoyment of adventure that was the core energy in Bryson's "In A Sunburned Country" and "A Walk in the Woods".

i laugh every single time I read the Letters from a Nut series by Ted L. Nancy. it depends on how you define clean humor though, these books are probably around pg-13 level (at worst).

Way ahead of you. Almost 2 years ago I started writing up some life-stories on Reddit. The response was pretty positive so I put 'em in a book and threw 'em up on Amazon.

But thanks. Because of Reddit I have a record of some of the craziest times in my life. When I get old and my memory disappears, I'll still have it. :)

Here is another awesome mythology book. Very light-hearted take on the various mythologies, but good nonetheless. The Norse section was probably my favorite actually. Very quick read as well.
Edit: Name of the book is Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology

Not a website, but rather a book. I would highly recommend Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. It's incredibly entertaining and very educational.


EDIT: here's a link

Truly one of the best philosophy jokes... This is a fun book
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143113879

Just some linkage for the lazy: "The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War" ... since he was "nice enough" to not include it (ie. self-promote), here.

Edit: Looks like a good book (and I nearly died laughing at Tucker Max's first novel, to which this is compared) ... so (Warlizard's book is) now on my own wish list.

Edit: clarified indefinite article in the previous stealth edit

Read the Gospel and the Loose Canon. Conversion ceremonies can be fun, and you can create your own. They should, of course, include pasta, pirate regalia, and grog.

Our holiday's include fridays, Holiday- a vague celebration around december- and ramendan, where we eat ramen in remembrance of all the college students who survive on it.

Keep the 8 I Really Rather You Didn'tsin mind, and have fun!

For me...Marvin will always be Stephen Moore and Ford will always be Geoffrey McGivern, as in the original radio plays (actually, all the radio plays, for that matter).

Back before it was available in the US, I ordered the complete set of all the radio plays from amazon.co.uk. Worth every penny (EDIT: and yes, £0.01 is still called a "penny", at least since they switched to decimal currency).

As a native English speaker, I don't know a book that would teach you the finer details of grammar. But I do know a book that discusses grammar in an entertaining way. Give Eats, Shoots, and Leaves a try. Even if you already know the grammar it discusses, at least you'll get to enjoy a great book.

>not every GL wants to be in the business of approving books

Without standards, you end up with this and comic books on your altar.

Congratulations! You have been made a tool.

This is why Florida made their changes. And good for them.

mountains and hiking are fantastic for putting things in perspective. Im in the middle of listening to a walk in the woods and id be happy to send it to you once im done with it. give you some interesting factoids and tidbits to ponder while you're hiking.

Just popped in to say, I'm sure you've read A Walk in the Woods, right? If not, READ IT!! It's an awesome and humorous account of hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Yes. If you don't mind spending a bit, you can get the COMPLETE series (Primary through Quintessential phases, not including the posthumous stuff by the Artemis Fowl writer) from Amazon (US). This version is the best quality from the original masters.


If you don't want to spend any money, I found this "archive" of the radio series.

Can I recommend "Letters from a nut" if you enjoy these letters. It's a great toilet book.

[A Walk in the Woods] (http://www.amazon.com/Walk-Woods-Rediscovering-America-Appalachian/dp/0307279464/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347030356&sr=8-1&keywords=a+walk+in+the+woods) by Bill Bryson. I'm telling you, it's hilarious and a really good read. Most of his other books are quite funny as well, but this is my favorite.

If you want more help read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. Very quick and funny read that will greatly improve your punctuation.

What's the link to it? You're definitely funny, and I'd love to read more.

Also, the "crazy letters" idea reminds me of the book Letters from a Nut. I recommend it.

I highly recommend "Mother Tongue" by Bill Bryson. Hilarious and great history and understanding of the English language;

https://www.amazon.ca/Mother-Tongue-English-How-that/dp/0380715430

Strongly recommended if you like dry British humour. In fact, I would recommend listening to the original radio series rather than reading the books. The voice acting is excellent and I find that the first revision of the stories is actually the best written, but that may just be bias as that's where I started.

I thumbed through the one on Aristotle. I thought it was entertaining, though not entirely accurate. Symposia, for example, would probably be better understood as "drinking parties," rather than "dinner parties."

I appreciate the joke-approach, e.g. Plato and a Platypus, though I suspect that these sorts of books are more entertaining for philosophers than they are to the general public.

I would love to have this book used! It is supposed to be a fantastic read!

>This Friday I'm cooking grilled my staff Grilled Cheese for lunch.

Wow. I can recommend a good cookbook.

Here are a few grammar books that are not only helpful but also very readable. Actually, a quick Amazon search brings up a lot of books, but these are the ones I recommend from firsthand experience:

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Woe is I

Grammar Snobs are Great Big Meanies (<-- probably the most informal of the 3)

If you are interested in this sort of thing, I recommend going to your local ibrary and finding The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way by Bill Bryson. He's funny and has an engaging style (plus it isn't very long). He's one of my favorite nonfiction authors.

Bryson also wrote a companion book called Made in America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States. I haven't read that one yet, but just based on the author, it's probably something worth checking out.

> How do you usually start conversations?

"Hello, how are you doing?" and then take it from there. They usually ask if I know them, or if they know me. "No, probably not. I'm just dialing phone numbers, looking for neat people to talk to. My name is {$self->real_name}."

>Who was the most interesting person you talked to, and what about?

Everyone is interesting! Joseph Mitchell, a journalist from Asheville, NC, worked for the New York Times in the early 1900s. He wrote a very good book called Up in the Old Hotel. He originally went to talk about the lives of ordinary New Yorkers, only to find everyone is quite extraordinary. I share his philosophy. Everyone has a story to tell, you only need to listen.

That being said, I once happened upon a professor of mathematics at some college. We talked about number theory, first order logic, etc. Wish I saved his number.

>Longest conversation?

Probably with this Portugese girl in New York. Not sure why it went on as long as it did (4 hours), but she seemed nice.

>Are you ever met with hostility?

Nah. Most people who aren't in a talkin' mood hang up. The rest get kind of snarky, but never mean.

A few other books you might want to add which fit nicely with the Bible (in no particular order):

• The Satanic Bible
  
  
• The Original Folk and Fairy Tales of Grimm Brothers: The Complete First Edition
  
  
• The Qur'an
  
  
• The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
  
  
• Deities & Demigods (Dungeons & Dragons 3.0 Edition Roleplaying Supplement)
  
  
• How to Practice: The Way of a Meaningful Life
  
  
• Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health

Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods. It's not long, but I think it would be perfect for your adventure.

Sounds like Ted Nancy's Letters From a Nut. He sends letters to real people and places and publishes the letter and response. They are laugh out loud funny.

• The song of the dodo (if I were to recommend a single book that nobody else would recommend you, it would be this one)
  
• Collapse
  
• Guns, germs and steel
  
• Too big to fail
  
• Freakonomics
  
• Surely you're joking, mr. Feynman
  
• Gödel, Escher, Bach - an eternal golden braid
  
• A walk in the woods
  
• A brief history of time
  
  You will notice the absence of A short history of nearly everything, which is a good book, but frankly it didn't speak very much to me. Bryson is almost only interested in geography.

Here's a box set on Amazon of all 5 radio series:-
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Hitchhikers-Guide-To-Galaxy/dp/0563504196/ref=pd_cp_14_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1E0Z1PTPGEBY0ZSKG1GG

Thing is the first 2 series, the "Primary" and "Secondary Phases" were the original series made by Douglas Adams. The other 3 'Phases' were recorded after his death and after some of the original cast, like Peter Jones & Richard Vernon, had passed away too. So if it's just the original radio series you want you might want to scan ebay etc. for second hand copies of the first 2. They've been released on vinyl and cassette tape (which I have) a number of times. Or you could go the whole hog and buy the box set on CD. It's not cheap but well worth listening to if you're a fan.

Oh god, also Ant Farm, by Simon Rich is probably the most hilarious book I've ever read. Its full of very short short stories and I tried reading one of them aloud to a friend once but I was laughing so hard I couldn't get the words out. Its gold. GOLD.

I just got "Half Empty" and "Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities" to read for my trip! Both sound like great books.

In addition to what /u/MaceWumpus recommended, I have a friend in grad school who for a time was interested in the philosophy of humor (and likely still is, I suppose, I couldn't tell you), and he was reading this book by the late Ted Cohen.

I seem to recall this being pretty good

And this being interesting.

I'll second the Jimmy Carr book too

I'm really bad at reading through just one book at a time, so I'm in the middle of a few at the moment.

-A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson

-Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman (admittedly, it's been a while since I've picked this one up)

-Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov

I just finished a great book called The Other Wes Moore, also. It was super interesting.

I'm a big fan of non-fiction books, in case that wasn't immediately apparent by the list.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-John-Birmingham/dp/1875989285
Buy it, read it, follow it. It's kind of a laugh to read, but it's full of actually useful information.

Pay close attention to the sections on sex and looking/feeling good even when you don't have a reason to.

> I am a borderline exmuslim who is doubting.

Op be safe. What is the penalty for leaving Islam (Apostasy)? [Hint - it is not a firm handshake and a goodbye wishing you health and long life].

> Would you believe in Islam if there were no scientific errors in the Quran?

> In Islam there are no scientific errors and all have basically been worked around as misinterpretations.

First, no I still would not believe that Islam represented credible and supportable trueness concerning the existence of the God YHWH/Allah, nor the claims of Allah's interventions/revelations.

Why?

For the same reason you (and I) [probably] do not accept the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and His Noodly Appendages just because "The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" is shown to be scientifically accurate; or of the Most Holy of Holy's, The Scared Narratives of Harry Potter, are shown to be completely accurate in the science presented.

Secondly, there are scientific errors within the Qur'an, and even though these errors have been apologized to death, a critical assessment of these apologetics... in accordance with the claimed revelation from Allah in The Heavenly Qur'an:

"Produce your proof, if you should be truthful" (Surat Al-Baqarah 2:111) to me; just as Islam requires that the claims of Judaism and Christianity have to be proved, then the same reasoning requires that the claims of Islam must be proved as well. After all, "Indeed, the worst of living creatures in the sight of Allah are the deaf and dumb who do not use reason" (Surat Al-'Anfāl 8:22).

shows that the errors are actually errors and/or non-credible post-hoc reinterpretation of vague and non-precise ayat/ayah. To wit, an example and commentary:

• Detailed description of embryology in Quran
  
  Now here is an actual example of that would be considered scientific
  foreknowledge in the Qur'an, if supportable - a candidate for an actual prophetic
  miracle.
  
  Al-Mu'minun 23:14 Then We made the sperm-drop into a clinging clot, and
  We made the clot into a lump [of flesh], and We made [from] the lump,
  bones, and We covered the bones with flesh; then We developed him into
  another creation. So blessed is Allah, the best of creators.
  
  So the bones came before the covering flash. Interesting. And not
  supported by contemporary medical knowledge.
  
  Without going into the scientific miracle of where the sperm are
  produced (i.e., The Qur'an states sperm is made/stored in the small of
  the back near the kidneys - and not the testicles), as I do not care to
  argue the mental gymnastics required to apologize this "Truth" of the
  Qur'an, the embryonic development of the bone first followed by flesh is
  completely falsified. Again, in order to spare myself the crapfest of
  apologetics to justify this "Prophecy" I will ask the question - Did
  this information concerning embryonic growth already exist prior to the
  claimed revelation via the Book of the Mother, via the messenger Angel
  Gabriel (Jibra'il), via some form of supernatural to natural
  communication to the Prophet Muhammad, via spoken voice to various
  followers of the Prophet, from various followers spoken to scribes
  years/decades after the death of Muhammad?
  
  Why look at that, Aristotle, in the 4th century BCE described embryonic
  development (Aristotle, De Generatione Animalium, Book II,
  739b20-739b30, as per Jonathan Barnes \(ed.\), The Complete Works of
  Aristotle, \(Princeton, 1985\), Vol 1, p.
  1148.),
  and his treatise also contains the same erroneous idea that the embryo
  developed from a formless mass.
  
  Damn, when the Prophet plagiarizes already "known" information, he still
  got it wrong by plagiarizing that which was incorrect.
  
  The post-hoc interpretation of Qur'anic ayat/verses using highly
  selective imaginative interpretations of the meaning of the various
  words to claim support for a scientific miracle represents highly flawed
  apologetics.
  
  It is interesting that the claim of miracle of the prophecies of
  "scientific miracles" or "scientific foreknowledge" in the Qur'an are
  all post hoc interpretations to their discovery by mere mortal humans.
  It would be more convincing if the scientific knowledge was identifiable
  as usable knowledge prior to human knowledge based development or
  confirmation of this knowledge - rather than a post hoc interpretation
  of a verse/narrative such that this knowledge is only, somehow, found
  after it already becomes known.
  
  Look at these claimed Qur'an miracles and the date that there were
  recognized and the claims made - the overwhelming majority were made
  after science laid the foundation for interpretation. Rephrased - All of
  the claims of scientific miracles are made in hindsight (post hoc) -
  all are made following the advancement of knowledge from other sources
  and the verbiage within the Qur'an is then interpreted to show that this
  knowledge was, somehow, there all along. As a source of scientific
  knowledge, then, at best, the Qur'an has little worth.
  
  If you wish to demonstrate that there is value in the scientific
  knowledge claimed to be within the Qur'an, please present a scientific
  postulation/hypothesis/theory derived from a verse, or from verses, from
  the Qur'an that was developed prior to the development of this
  knowledge from other sources. Or make prediction(s) of future scientific
  knowledge based upon the Qur'an and develop a method of inquiry based
  on this claimed scientific knowledge and gathering observable and
  measurable evidence subject to specific principles of reasoning and
  experimentation and show that this predicted scientific knowledge to be
  true to a high level of reliability and confidence. I am willing to wait
  a lifetime for a beforehand/foresight version of scientific knowledge
  from the Qur'an to be demonstrated in any meaningful way. Otherwise,
  post hoc interpretations holds no credibility of the Qur'an as a source
  of scientific claims/foreknowledge.
  
  Finally, let us not overlook the numerous scientific errors, with or
  without claims of prophecy/scientific foreknowledge, that are present in
  the Qur'an:
  
  1
  Astronomy
  
  1.1 Geocentricism
  
  1.2 Setting and Rising Place of the Sun
  
  1.3 Stars are Missiles Shot at Devils
  
  1.4 Moon is Further from the Earth than the Stars
  
  1.5 Moon Emits Light
  
  1.6 Moon was Split in Two
  
  1.7 Seven Planets in the Universe
  
  1.8 Seven Heavens
  
  1.9 Earth Created in Six Days
  
  1.10 Earth Created before Stars
  
  1.11 Sun is a Flat Disk
  
  1.12 Sky is a Tent/Dome
  
  1.13 Sky Guards the Earth
  
  1.14 Sky is Made of Solid Material
  
  1.15 Sky can Fall Down on People
  
  1.16 Ignorance of the North and South Poles
  
  2 Biology
  
  2.1 Evolution
  
  2.1.1 Human Creation from Clay
  
  2.1.2 First Humans: Adam and Eve
  
  2.1.3 Humans Created in Paradise and then Brought to Earth
  
  2.2 Embryology
  
  2.2.1 Sperm Originates Between the Backbone and Ribs
  
  2.2.2 Embryo is Formed from Male and Female Fluids
  
  2.2.3 No Mention of Female Ovum
  
  2.2.4 Humans Created from a Clot of Blood
  
  2.2.5 Only Allah Knows the Gender of a Fetus
  
  2.3 All Organisms are Created in Pairs
  
  2.4 Womb has Three Layers
  
  2.5 Bones are Formed before Flesh
  
  2.6 Source and Purity of Milk
  
  3 Geology and Meteorology
  
  3.1 The Earth is Flat
  
  3.1.1 Facing Toward Mecca
  
  3.1.2 Earth is Spread Out and Flat
  
  3.1.3 Earth is Like a Couch
  
  3.1.4 Earth is Like a Carpet
  
  3.1.5 Earth is a Wide Plain
  
  3.1.6 Earth is Level
  
  3.2 Earth has Seven Atmospheric Layers
  
  3.3 The Earth does not Rotate
  
  3.4 Permanent Barrier between Fresh and Salt Water
  
  3.5 Mountains Prevent Earthquakes
  
  3.6 Mountains Cast into the Earth
  
  3.7 Chest Contracts with Altitude
  
  3.8 Earthquakes are a Punishment from God
  
  3.9 Hurricanes and Blizzards are a Punishment from God
  
  3.10 Rainwater is Pure
  
  3.11 No Evaporation in Water Cycle
  
  3.12 Hail Comes from Mountains in the Sky
  
  3.13 Thunder is an Angel
  
  4 Zoology
  
  4.1 Bees Eat Fruit
  
  4.2 Ants Recognize Humans and Speak with Each Other
  
  4.3 Horses Created as Transportation
  
  4.4 Bird Flight is a Miracle
  
  4.5 Classification of Creatures
  
  4.6 Only Eight Types of Cattle
  
  4.7 Birth Defects and Imperfections
  
  4.8 Poisonous Sea Life is Edible
  
  4.9 Birds Fight Elephants
  
  4.10 Sinful Animals
  
  5 History
  
  5.1 Wall of Iron between Two Mountains
  
  5.2 Christians Worship Mary as Part of the Trinity
  
  5.3 Noah's Ark holds Every Species
  
  5.4 Pharaoh or Pharaohs
  
  5.5 Jews call Ezra the Son of God
  
  5.6 Supernatural Destruction of Cities
  
  5.7 Humans can Sleep for Three Hundred Years
  
  5.8 Humans can Live for a Thousand Years
  
  5.9 Non-Existent Mosque in Jerusalem
  
  6 Sociology
  
  6.1 Fasting and Prayer Requirements at the Poles
  
  6.2 People are Protected in Mecca
  
  6.3 Non-Muslims are Deaf, Dumb, and Blind
  
  6.4 All Animals Live in Communities
  
  6.5 Requirement to Learn in Arabic
  
  7 Myths and Legendary Tales
  
  7.1 Humans Transformed into Apes
  
  7.2 Tribe Trapped Behind a Wall
  
  7.3 Supernatural Food
  
  7.4 A Stick Transforms into a Serpent
  
  7.5 Solomon's Army of Genies and Birds
  
  7.6 Jonah Performs Repentance inside a Fish
  
  7.7 Muhammad Flies on a Winged Horse to Heaven
  
  7.8 Body Parts Speak
  
  7.9 The Ocean Split in Half
  
  7.10 Solomon can Control the Wind
  
  7.11 A Dead Man Testified against his Killer
  
  7.12 Animals Speak to Humans
  
  7.13 Mountains and Birds can Sing Songs
  
  8 Others
  
  8.1 Mathematical Error in Hereditary Laws
  
  8.2 People use the Forehead to Lie
  
  8.3 Space Flight is Impossible

oooh my goodness, read Made in America by Bill Bryson. Handles this exact question, and in the voice of Bill Bryson: funny, interesting, witty.

I hear this book is amazing and I really want to read it. Thanks for the contest!

I'm really not trying to rage against anything or break anything down. You just remind me of the French Academy, that stalwart defender of the French language which bans any "Anglicized" words from signs, and insists on people using the unwieldy "'courrier électronique" instead of "email." They're guided by the same principle you are: that there's some sort of "pure" form of the language.

I suggest reading Bill Bryson's excellent book The Mother Tongue: English and How it Got That Way". In it, Bryson explains that most of the sacred English "rules"- for example, not ending sentences with a preposition- were simply made up and decided upon by stodgy old men. These men weren't translating rules from the heavens- they were just being persnickety and officious.

Language adapts. It incorporates new ideas, it gets rid of old ones, it naturally discards of things which are no longer useful to its speakers.

Insisting on a "proper" way to speak is lingual facism, if you'll excuse my hyperbole.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

The author is a pretty funny person. Her writing is rather witty.

in the wors case scenario books the author, after speaking with varios 'experts' (id guess physicists, im not at home right now so i cant check the book) says that its best to lay down in the middle.

It spreads the impact surface area and does the best possible job of keeping collapsing walls away from you.

Oh man, I have to get back to reading Made in America. A great book for anyone interested in etymology!

>Just think how silly it would be to make a similar christian desktop background featuring Jesus, Moses, St. Paul, Augustine, Francis of Assisi... with vocal christian celebrities Mel Gibson and the Jonas Brothers among them.

In European Christian art, it is actually quite a common thing for the patrons of a church or artist to be included in pictures, alongside biblical or (then) historical characters. Usually they will be in the crowd, worshiping Jesus or Mary, or some similar role.

Penn Jillette has written at least one book about atheism, and has spoken about it often and in detail, both in interviews and in his TV Bullshit!.

I don't think Hawkins has ever said specifically that he is an atheist, though he has said that it is not necessary to invoke a God to explain creation.

You didn't mention John Cleese, at the back-left, co-writer of The Life of Brian.

As this seems likely just to be a personal favorites list, rather than a systematic attempt to compile a list of important atheists, it seems fine to me, though Adam Savage seems a bit out of place in that company.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-John-Birmingham/dp/1875989285

I read this book on the topic in my early 20s, and it was the best info I ever got. Highly recommend it to all.

No wading needed, there are automated tools to search your comment history.

I now know you live in Scottsdale, AZ, you have a wife and at least one son. (It also says you have a mother, but I could have guessed that. Chances are you have a father, too.)

You are a writer, here is your web page, and your rather amusing looking book on Amazon.

Also, you are a personal fan of lots of eyeliner. (seeing it, not wearing it)

Listen, /u/Warlizard... you and I have been through a fair amount over the years. We've had some compelling conversations, shared some secrets, and even discussed a collaboration which both of us failed to give any serious consideration. In a very real way, I think of us as the Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel of the site, and not just because of that one time when some guy wrote a weird novella about the two of us tangoing with /u/vargas.

The thing is, despite all we've been through, you've been more than a little bit cold when it comes to one particular topic... and so here, on the anniversary of your most notorious claim to fame – more well-known even than your oeuvre of excellent literature, your many creative accomplishments, or your utterly unflappable sense of ironic wit – I've decided to publicly clear the air as I ask you the same question that I've been approaching you with for the better part of four years:

Can I have some of your french fries?

> So, couldn't an Atheist convert to Giant Spaghettism and write a Speghetti inspired book detailing God and his/her creations?

The Pastafarians actually did.

For the Win

Your grammar is a good indicator of how you communicate in the real world. If you have trouble forming a cogent sentence in text where you have red squiggly lines to indicate misspelling, or clear violations of norms, like putting two spaces after a period, it indicates that your spoken response in the real world may be lacking.

Grammar is important. Like the Lynn Truss book demonstrates, there is a huge difference between the following statements:

A panda eats shoots and leaves.

A panda eats, shoots and leaves.

Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods is a hilarious account of his attempt to hike the Appalachian Trail, interspersed with really interesting information/stories about the creation of the trail and other US National Parks.

It sounds like you want to learn more about the great, the wise, the merciful, FSM!

The FSM watches over us with is meaty eyes and every so often, when we are hungry, he touches us with his noodly tentacles.

I'd like to offer you a book that explains more about the FSM. Unfortunately this book isn't free, but you can order it from Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568

A walk in the woods - Bill Bryson. Read this book and randomly met the author on the virginia creeper a few months afterwards. Super nice guy.

Hiking socks, you can never have enough cozy socks. For a gag gift, you can get her a Go Girl. There is loads of books on hiking experiences. Here is one my mom seemed to like. Maybe books about going off the grid? Hope i was able to help.

Well there's this textbook but it's absurdly priced.

Bill Bryson has a book on the language. I haven't read it but Bryson is an excellent (very humorous) author.

Besides that, here is a free online summary. My claim about French is reiterated here.
>More than a third of all English words are derived directly or indirectly from French, and it's estimated that English speakers who have never studied French already know 15,000 French words.

I have the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in my bookcase at home, as well as The Book of Bob. Both are great jumping off bases for a new religion.

What makes me feel better

Defintely cuddling with my boyfriend and watching cheesy Korean dramas. Sadly that is exactly what gets me stressed because we're just lazy for ages and I ignore uni work I need to do.

I hope you feel better soon!

This book would also make me feel better, it looks really fun!

Yaaaaaaay~! Ant Farm! Hilarious book =)

Ant Farm

It's from this book, which is full of awesome manly life hacks. My mum got it for me for my birthday years ago. Which is cool, I guess...

I own this book.

It's fairly accurate and really funny. Though I don't know if that's what you're going for. It's a great place for a "brief overview" thing that is funny. It's written in a sort of stream of consciousness way, which I like, but I know others don't.

That's a great book, too.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

*Yes, you are right. What do I need to do to improve it?

Here are several links to books that might be helpful:
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3

She is awesome, started with the podcast a few years ago and got the book. Have you read Eats, Shoots & Leaves as well?

Buy his book. It's cheap and amazing. Like "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" but better.

http://www.amazon.com/Warlizard-Chronicles-Adventures-Vodka-Women/dp/0615461875

I recommend reading this before you go. One of the funniest books I've ever read.

The one true word: https://smile.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568/

I have a friend who is a biology teacher and ordained Pastafarian. He plans on teaching it as an alternative to evolution.

I think I'd want to write more than I'd want to read. So I'd want the five fattest, sturdiest blank-page journals I could get. Then I suppose I'd need to catch a bunch of inky cephalopods and gather some feathers for quills.

Or:

1.) The Worst-Case-Scenario Survival Handbook

2.) Norton Anthology of Poetry

3.) Norton Anthology of World Masterpieces

4.) Cosmos by Carl Sagan

5.) Ulysses by James Joyce

Ooh, you should check out Eats, Shoots & Leaves. I haven't read it in about 15 years, but I recall it presenting the information in a very fun, memorable way.

On an unrelated note, I just discovered this guy has a book! Totally buying that with my next paycheck. You're one of my favorite redditors, extremely longstanding running joke aside.

Plato and the platypus might be pretty good for you. It goes over the basics. Not sure how it stands up to other books.

http://www.amazon.com/Plato-Platypus-Walk-into-Understanding/dp/0143113879/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1317963654&sr=1-1

This reference is also available in a wonderful book called Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

http://www.amazon.com/Plato-Platypus-Walk-into-Understanding/dp/0143113879

In case you want it explained like you're a bit older, [Here] (http://www.amazon.com/Jokes-Philosophical-Thoughts-Joking-Matters/dp/0226112314) is a good book about it.

I found it! (amazing title by the way) Thank you for having a kindle edition, I'm definitely going to check it out. Does that also say you'll have an audio version available where you are the narrator?

If you find the history of the English language interesting, I highly recommend the book The Mother Tongue, by Bill Bryson: http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Tongue-Bill-Bryson/dp/0380715430

Eats, Shoots and Leaves is both hilarious and educational. Highly recommend.

This is a great light start into philosophy! http://www.amazon.com/Plato-Platypus-Walk-into-Understanding/dp/0143113879

Wikipedia article on the subject

Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

So yes, there is a text, but really the entire FSM or Pastafarian movement is just to point out that if one religion is made special, then any other must be equally as special even if people deem it ridiculous. Also, strainers are stylish head wear.

The worst-case scenario survival handbook may fit the bill. Want to know how to jump from a motorbike in to a car? Or win a sword fight?

Dammit, Kluwe, I wasn't planning on tearing up today. Beautifully written piece about the state I call my home. Sigh.

Also, don't forget his book is out! http://www.amazon.com/Beautifully-Unique-Sparkleponies-Football-Absurdities/dp/0316236772

I'm 16 and this book helped me get a handle on the basics
It's a bit corny, but it's understandable and goes through ethics, logic, metaphysics, etc, as well as some of the well known philosophers.
You can flip through the first few pages to get a feel for it.

"Up in the Old Hotel" by Joseph Mitchell (who wrote for "The New Yorker" magazine in the 1940s and 50s). Beautifully written profiles of obscure but fascinating people, places, saloons, neighborhoods, etc. in old NYC, many no longer around. Informative, wistful, sublime, and transporting. http://www.amazon.com/Up-Old-Hotel-Joseph-Mitchell/dp/0679746315/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449304735&sr=8-1&keywords=up+in+the+old+hotel

This one came via divine delivery using Amazon, link below.

http://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368502954&sr=1-1&keywords=flying+spaghetti+monster

If you like this kind of stuff, here's an entire book devoted to the subject https://www.amazon.com/Mother-Tongue-English-How-That/dp/0380715430

Try the TV Show (may be a bit dated now) or the best version Radio Series as an alternate

He's written 7 books and was a New York Times best seller in 2012

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_Jillette

https://www.amazon.com/God-No-Already-Atheist-Magical/dp/1451610378

here's a great book on it

Letters From A Nut is full of great stuff too.

repay the favor by giving them this next time:

https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568

That's exactly how I feel about religion as well.

Here are some links for you :)

http://www.venganza.org/

http://www.loose-canon.info/Loose-Canon-1st-Ed.pdf

http://www.amazon.com/The-Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568

Almost a week later, I've turned up to tell you to check out this book: Fart Proudly. A collection of random writings, bawdy and less bawdy, by Ben Franklin. My dad gave me my copy and it's great. "Advice to a Friend..." is included.

Yeah, some books might offer a good read. :D

I think it would be great - check out How to be a Man

Sweet! I live right outside of New Haven, CT and knew nothing about it. I've been reading A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson and been getting the itch to do something cool like the AT, but this may be more in my realm.

Awesome post!

Yea, messenger is Bobby Henderson and book is The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. As it is known, FSM is quite a tricky god, he loves deceiving humans and causing confusion for his own amusement. That's where all other gods come from, it's Him playing with us.

Yeah, definitely.

...now I'm reminded of Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, which is a book of classic world mythology stories like "Hephaestus Gets Dicked Around a Lot" and "Tanukis Have Big Balls" and "This is What Tom Cruise Believes In".

Here's the box set of the radio plays on Amazon in the US. They're also available individually and via the other methods outlined by u/CaptainJZH
One thing to watch out for if you're browsing around is that there's the Radio series, then an album recording (slightly different) as well as standard audiobooks (not acted, only read aloud)

Well since you are already a Penn Jillette fan have you read his latest book?

Reminds me of Ted L. Nancy's Letters from a Nut

Reminds me of Letters From A Nut by Ted L. Nancy

Reminds me of the books by Ted L. Nancy. "Letters from a Nut" is the first one.

Owen wins 1,169,474 more games then eats, shoots, and leaves.

My favorite bathroom book. Albeit I'll never be in those situations, but still a fun read.

Edit: Missing period.

• A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, who wrote A Short History of Nearly Everything. It's about hiking the Appalachian Trail, but as you might guess given the author, it's about a lot more than that.
  
  
• I have not read the book, but I saw the documentary version of American Nomads by Richard Grant. It's a collection of vignette pieces about different people or groups of people living nomadic lifestyles.

Check out Bill Bryson's The Mother Tongue. It's a fantastic read that explains where the English language came from and why it's so messed up.

This is simply one of the funniest books I have ever read. And it answers this question, and many others.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Mother-Tongue-English-That/dp/0380715430