(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best parenting & relationship books

I sent this email to my coworker about a little over a year ago. Hope it helps!!

Hi,

Here is my list.  I hope the links work or I wasted a lot of time.  LOL

Parent Books:

My Toddler Talks: Strategies and Activities to Promote Your Child's Language Development

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1477693548/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This is the book I liked the best.  To the point, and gave me things I could actually do.  And oh my God, it helped so much!!! He learned and grew SO much after I implemented what I read in this book. 

It Takes Two To Talk: A Practical Guide For Parents of Children With Language Delays Third Edition

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0921145195/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

kind of long, a lot of detail, but explains types of speech delays and how children learn to speak

The Cow Says Moo: Ten Tips to Teach Toddlers to Talk: An Early Intervention Guide

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1482794403/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s02?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This book is alright.  There were some ideas in it that I'll use.  I'd recommend it if you want more ideas/books after the Teach my Toddler to Talk book

Children Books and Flash Cards:

Little Blue Truck Lap Board Book

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/054405685X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This is a great book.  There is a lot of action in this book and has a lot of association between animals and sounds.  Very engaging and rhyming.

Bright Baby Animals

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312492480/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&psc=1

simple words, simple REAL pictures and one picture per page so as to not overwhelm.  Great book to teach first words.

Elmo Says... (Sesame Street) (Big Bird's Favorites Board Books)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375845402/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This is an action book, so your child would touch their nose, touch their toes, etc.  relating actions to  words is engaging and also the association helps foster language attrition.

From Head to Toe

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0064435962/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&psc=1

same as the above book. 

Head Shoulders Knees and Toes

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0859537285/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s03?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Teaches body parts, has hand movements, rhyming/song  My son loves this book

My First Touch & Feel Picture Cards: Animals (My 1st T&F Picture Cards)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756615151/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Real pictures and has different materials to touch like rough, sticky, etc.  Works well, my son likes this too

My First Touch & Feel Picture Cards: First Words (My 1st T&F Picture Cards)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756615186/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

same as the above, just other words

DVD’s:

Baby Babble Beginning Words

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015NERXBQ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

So, some speech therapists say to have NO screen time.  Well, I put this on when we’re on long trips or if my kids just wants to chill.  There are several different dvd’s in this series.  I have 3.  He said some words he’s never said before after watching these.  I would recommend engaging WITH your child while watching these if you can.  If you can’t and you’re driving somewhere, then so be it.  It still helps in my opinion.

Baby Signing Time

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DHMCVKK/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend this.  I used this w/my daughter too.  Taught them both a lot of super helpful signs and words.  The video is super cute and the songs are great too.  My kids both love this DVD.  I would definitely get it.  In fact, I bought it twice bc the first dvd got scratched up due to use. 

Toys to encourage speech and language development:

4.5" Set of 6 Wolf, Lion, Owl, Penguin Wild Animals Plastic Nesting Dolls

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01L2UAVA0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This is great.  My kids love this.  It teaches the animals, sizes, opening, closing.  in and out.  super cute.

Tot Tube Playset - Toy Car and Ball Tunnel Ramp Race Track by Inspiration Play

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PFB0JTQ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

My kids LOVE this.  super simple but fun.  Teaches taking turns, action words like "go" and "fast", use words like "ball" and "car" and "bounce"

Melissa & Doug Zoo Animals Sound Puzzle

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029N2NLU/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s02?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 In general, speech therapists don’t like toys that make sounds, but this puzzle my son loves and I make the sounds with him, he mimics me, so it works.  Also, there is a high association with puzzle making and language development.  So we work on puzzles a lot and he’s gotten a lot better at them.  It helps also to say “tuuuurn” to turn the puzzle piece and that kind of thing.

Melissa and Doug Jumbo Paint Brushes

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000M5J7W0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

We bought water paint and have a big big roll of paper that we cut big pieces off and lay on the floor.  We paint and he uses these easy to handle brushes.  I’ll say words like “let’s paint” and “gentle” and I’ll name colors (but do not expect him to learn them).  I’ll make a face or something and tell him what I am drawing.  Called “self talk” or I’ll do “parallel talk” doing this too.

Melissa and Doug Latches Barn Toy

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01B1V12KS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I HIGHLY recommend this toy.  Probably my favorite.  There are activities in the Teach your Toddler to Talk book that I used with this toy.  You say things like “Pig in” or “open door” “pig says oink oink” so it teaches actions, animals, sounds, and the latches are entertaining for opening and closing.  It’s engaging.  Super cute.

Melissa & Doug Hide and Seek Wooden Activity Board With Wooden Magnets

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0014E7DIS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I’d recommend this toy too.  You can say things like “what’s behind the barn door?” or “where is the dog?” or “cookie!” and pretend to eat the cookies.  Super super cute.  Has helped him with several words.

Wonderworld Rainbow Sound Blocks - Stackable Hollow Shape Block Toys - 7 Piece Set https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005BHUU/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

we love these too.  They make sounds and are different shapes and colors.  We use these alone and with other blocks.  We say things like “up” and “put on” and “uh-oh” “fall down” “pick up” “shake shake shake”  He likes these, so does my daughter

kilofly Kids Mini Band Musical Instruments Rhythm Toys Value Pack [Set of 12]

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01C84SUUM/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This is just fun.  The kids like to make music.  The whistle helps with oral muscles.  The music helps and you can sing songs with it. You can say sounds like “boom boom boom” and “cling cling” and then use songs that help with rhyming and such that I have in that list for you.

And then just bubbles.  Buy bubbles.  Teaches breathing control and the words “bubble” and “pop” then you can teach the sign for “more” when your child wants to blow more bubbles.  Because you’re supposed to close the bottle each time and then they will want more and you say “More?” and then you sign it at the same time and then you say “Oh, more, okay!” and open it up and blow more bubbles and repeat until they start signing or asking for “more” or “more bubbles” or “bubbles” or “open”, etc.  So buy bubbles.  Lol.

My son loves basketball so we teach him “bounce bounce bounce” and “shoot the ball” and “make a basket” although he only says “ball” so far.  But its something he really really loves.  

We go on walks and point things out.  Or if we are at a fountain or something we sign and say “water, water” and just keep repeating it.  Every once in a while he will say “wah wah” so that’s something.  More than we had.

He can say “juice” and he would say that for every liquid he wanted.  So in the book, it said to give choices.  So I make a cup of milk and a cup of water.  And I say “do you want milk or water? “ or I say “milk or water” and I sign milk and water when I ask.  Then he will say and sign “Milk” which he NEVER did before.  But that was bc I gave him 2 choices and neither was juice so it forced him to tell me what he wanted.

Anyways, I hope this helps.  I did a LOT of research and reading on the types of toys to get and HOW to encourage talking.  So hopefully I have saved you some time.  I can tell you it’s worked wonders for me.  He went from saying 3 words to saying like 20 in 3 weeks.  It’s a work in progress but I feel really good about the direction we’re headed.

Let me know what you decide to buy and do.  I would love to hear about your progress. 

Hi,

I'm not a parent, but I can imagine this is, in many ways, a challenging situation to work through with your child. Let me assure you that you're already doing a great job, just by reaching out and trying to educate yourself.

I have not yet started to medically transition (take testosterone, etc.) so I can't give you too much specific information on that, although it looks like u/RigilNebula has already given you some good advice. However, I have mostly transitioned socially, meaning that I have asked the people in my life to use my real name (Daniel) and to use the correct pronouns when referencing me (in my case, I'm okay with both he/him and they/them). I'm also out to my parent(s). So, I'll mostly address the emotional and social aspect of transitioning, particularly as it relates to relationships with parents. I've also included a few resources at the bottom of my post.

But first, some more general, subjective information. I can't speak for all trans people anymore than can I speak to the specifics of the relationship between you and your child (and please note, I will be referring to your daughter as "your child" herein. I hope that's not upsetting to you, but I do this because if your child is really your son, calling him your daughter could be very hurtful. I will also use the gender neutral pronoun "they" for the same reason) The following is just my perspective, but ultimately you'll need to have conversations with your child about this, and while it will definitely be difficult for both of you, keeping lines of communication open is one of the most important things you can do for your child.

Which segues pretty neatly into my main point. If I could ask anything of my parents, it would be that they listen to me and make me feel listened to and assure me that they love me for me, not because of my gender. That's really it, for me.

For some context about my personal situation: I was raised by a single father, who I now live with, in part because he needs help with chronic health issues. My mother died when I was too young to remember her. One of the most painful truths I will ever live with is that I will never know for sure whether my mother would still love me, even though I'm transgender. This is all very personal, and not completely relevant to your situation, so forgive me for over-sharing. But I mention this because I was offered a perspective on this very issue by a therapist, which I think is one every parent of a transgender child should hear.

My therapist told me that for most parents, there's a time before you know your child's sex, or when your child is still a baby and gender roles haven't quite taken hold yet, when you love them completely, and you love them outside of gender. That's a bit abstract, but think of it this way: you loved your child before you knew they were athletic, before they got good grades, before they were popular, before you knew about all the unique and lovely things that make them your child. And it sounds like you may have loved your son before you knew he was your son.

And if that's true, your child needs to know that.

There's an awful lot more that can be said on the subject, but I'll leave it here for now so I don't bore you to death. I work semi-professionally as a diversity educator, so I'm a bit of an open book on these issues, and I'm happy to discuss this further with you if you have specific questions or want more information on anything I've mentioned here.

As promised, here are a few resources that might be helpful to you. And here's a cute picture of a panda, which might also be helpful.

Oh, one last thought: I'm not sure if you're in the U.S., but if you are, I would really recommend seeing if you have a PFLAG chapter near you. I've had great experiences with them. You can check whether there's a nearby chapter here.

Resources:

• General
  
  
  • Resources on Gender-Expansive Children and Youth - this is a sort of mini-library of resources for you and your child
    
  • Transgender Children & Youth: Understanding the Basics
    *Transparenthood: Raising a Transgender Child
    
    
• Videos (includes both "professional" videos and individual experiences. I don't necessarily agree with absolutely everything in every video, but I think the perspectives might be helpful)
  
  • Unconditional Love––Journey with Our Transgender Child: Christy Hegarty at TEDxBloomington - I highly recommend this one. It's very sweet.
    
  • To Parents Who May Have A Transgender Child
    
  • With love, from a Parent of a Transgender Child
    
    
• Literature
  
  • Manning Up: Transsexual Men on Finding Brotherhood, Family, and Themselves - I recommend this one for your child, and the other guys in this subreddit, too.
    
  • Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents
    
  • Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue

I want to encourage you and say your CPTSD won’t affecting your parenting and you providing her with love and security is enough, but I also don’t want to delude you into a false sense of security. To answer your question as to how I do it: Firstly, I put in a massive amount of effort everyday to keep myself grounded and mindful and conscious of how I’m acting/reacting towards my child. On top of that, I never let myself slip into depressive states. On top of that, I have learned to manage and control all of my triggers so that my emotional states never negatively affect my child.


One major element of CPTSD is that it is an attachment disorder. This attachment disorder WILL affect your ability to provide a consistent sense of safety and security to your little one unless you learn how to manage and counteract those insecurities. Another element of CPTSD is that it causes you to develop a distrust/distaste for humans, and a desire to avoid human interaction. This will be absolutely detrimental to your child as he/she ages. All children rely on their parents to provide them with safe, healthy and consistent family and friends. It’s a very tiring and very difficult job, but it creates a ‘safety net’ of security on which your child can lean. How you interact with and value others will turn into how your child interacts with and values others. You will have to spend lots of time around other moms, letting your child play with their child. It’s a strain on you emotionally and mentally, but it’s necessary for healthy child development.


The best advice I can give you as a fellow parent with CPTSD is to start searching for a trauma psychologist and get an appointment scheduled ASAP. Of course anyone can recover from CPTSD without the aid of a psychologist, but when you add a child to the mix, quality and speed of recovery becomes a very important factor. Getting a psychologist to help you process your trauma and learn newer and better ways to do things will save you a lot of time and heartache. A psychologist will also teach you the importance of obtaining and maintaining friendships, and how to better manage all the triggers that parenting will bring up for you.

In the meantime, here is a short list of my all-time favorite parenting books. I’ve read probably hundreds of parenting books at this point: most are bad, a few are great. These are the best, most knowledgeable books I’ve found for ‘people like us’, at least in my opinion:

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering our Children

ParentSpeak: What's Wrong with How We Talk to Our Children--and What to Say Instead

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

The Parents We Mean To Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development

The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind


Feel free to PM me anytime :)

First off, you sound like an incredible step parent and I’m excited for you to be able to support your stepkid fully when they do decide to come out to you. Before I delve into recommendations for dealing with them, I want to suggest that you seek out your local PFLAG chapter (if there is one). They often run support groups for parents of trans kids and are great places to swap resources and advice.

As far as breaching the subject, it depends on how your stepkid is but I would advise against directly asking but it seems like you know not to do that anyway. A good subtle way to bring it up may be to find a piece of (not negative) news about trans people, or else a piece of media about trans people, and talk about it in a positive light but in a natural way. Like, if you never talk about interesting stuff you’ve seen or read then obviously it would be a weird thing to suddenly do.

You could also leave pages about supporting your trans kid open on computers/tablets if you have a shared family device, or even buy a book like this one (my mom’s favorite) and leave it somewhere conspicuous, although that may be too forward haha. I like the idea of leaving Trans Tape or KT Tape around but it’s possible that they don’t know what that is and won’t connect the dots.

Maybe you could also take them shopping for clothes and casually suggest checking out the men’s section (if they don’t already get clothes there and like to dress in masculine clothes).

Just like. Stuff like that which would make it clear that you are a safe person to come out? But also, speaking as someone who came out to my parents at 15 knowing full well that they would be accepting, it’s still really scary and hard to bring up even if you know you will get a positive reaction. It never feels like the right time, etc. If you wait for your stepkid to come to you even after you’ve done stuff to make it clear that you’re safe, you may be waiting a long time. It’s important to also give an invitation for them to come out without making it feel like you’re interrogating them, which is tricky but you seem to get that and maybe that’s why you’re here haha.

I and probably lots of other people would be happy to bounce ideas back and forth with you, and to follow up on stuff as the situation progresses.

Here is a good list of sources for anyone that takes interest in this. I don't consider all of the information to be 100% correct, but I think it is a far better explanation than "the Bible is the literal word of God" or "the Bible is a work of fiction."

http://www.skyscript.co.uk/sunheath.html
The Astronomy & Astrology of the Solar Hero Myth by Robin Heath
(33 year cycle of the Sun)

http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Mushroom-Cross-Christianity-Fertility/dp/0340128755
John M. Allegro - The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross: A Study of the Nature and Origins of Christianity within the Fertility Cults of the Ancient Near East
(John M. Allegro was on the team that translated the Dead Sea Scrolls)

http://johnallegro.org/Allegro-SundayMirror.htm
Sacred Mushroom and the Cross, Sunday Mirror Series, 1970, By John Marco Allegro
(book excerpts and such)

http://freemasonry.bcy.ca/history/paine_t.html
Thomas Paine’s Origin of Free-Masonry
"The Christian religion and Masonry have one and the same common origin: both are derived from the worship of the Sun. The difference between their origin is, that the Christian religion is a parody on the worship of the Sun, in which they put a man whom they call Christ, in the place of the Sun, and pay him the same adoration which was originally paid to the Sun"

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.ushistory.org/more/images/rising-sun-chair.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.ushistory.org/more/sun.htm&h=699&w=378&sz=75&hl=en&start=1&sig2=JDPvZst_3LbBTYFQa8pLaw&um=1&tbnid=sy5L25DqCbtgpM:&tbnh=139&tbnw=75&ei=2eSeSIy0G5SypgTiu8TgBw&prev=/images%3Fq%3Drising%2Bsun%2Bchair%2Bwashington%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN
The Rising Sun Armchair (George Washington's Chair)
(something I find of interest as the Sun is clearly depicted and it looks like an amanita muscaria mushroom directly above it, my best bet is that Freemasons know much of the knowledge from the ancient mystery schools)

http://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Christ-Sun-God-Cosmology/dp/0835606961
Jesus Christ, Sun of God: Ancient Cosmology and Early Christian Symbolism (Paperback) by David Fideler
(I still struggle to understand much of what is in this book. It is some of the knowledge of the mystery schools. It is a very deep book.)

http://www.amazon.com/Pagan-Christ-Recovering-Lost-Light/dp/0802714498
The Pagan Christ: Recovering the Lost Light (Hardcover) by Tom Harpur
(an excellent book and an excellent first read for anyone interested in this subject,
Tom Harpur was an Anglican minister, a CBC Documentary was even done called "The Pagan Christ", it was recently re-broadcast as an InFocus episode on HDNet)

http://www.calendar-updates.com/info/holidays/us/easter.aspx
(how the day of Easter is calculated)


http://m_euser.tripod.com/gmass/kmarchiv.htm
Links to Alvin Boyd Kuhn and Gerald Massey archives

"Alvin Boyd Kuhn and Gerald Massey have done a lot of research into the myths and religions of this world.

Alvin Boyd Kuhn wrote many books documenting his in-depth research into the pagan origin of Christianity. You can find an overview of his work here

Gerald Massey was the teacher of Kuhn. Massey was one of the few truly independent researchers of religion. He was known for his vast knowledge of religious symbolism. Among his works you can find research respecting ancient Egyptian civilization (see: Massey lectures) and its symbols. He wrote about the Christian belief too. Take a look at his work"

(many books written today on this subject, like those of Acharya S,. are mostly based upon the works of these two men)

http://members.cox.net/deleyd/religion/solarmyth/christ2002.htm
Solar Mythology and the Jesus Story
(great website by David W. Deley's who has studied this topic, many links from his site, one of the first places where I started finding information)

http://www.pocm.info/
Pagan Origins of the Christ Myth
(another great site showing that the story of Jesus is a retelling of more ancient stories)

http://www.pharmacratic-inquisition.com/Pharmacratic-Inquisition_Sales_Page.html
Pharmacratic Inquisition
(website by two guys that have studied much of this, although I don't consider their studies to be 100% correct, they offer interesting ideas and they have an interesting video, watch their DVD online for free)

Try to be confident in your decision. I know you want your mother's approval, but your own approval is more important. That confidence will tell her, who can likely read you better than anyone else on the planet, more than anything you can say or write.

I am sure the idea of poly took time to make sense for you, it will likely take longer for your mom to get comfortable with the idea. She will likely gain comfort from seeing you and your partner(s) interact lovingly rather than any amount of logic by text or phone.

You may want to send her a copy of this too: https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-Love-Polyamorous-Understanding/dp/0996460187

The author has books on polyamorus families also if that is the direction you folks are headed.

I am happy for you and wish you folks the very best of luck. <3

Hey man. I was (and still am - 9 weeks to go!) in a similar spot. Everyone is offering good advice, but I would recommend checking out a few books to get your brain thinking about the right things (primarily logistically but also emotionally):

We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook - short/easy week-by-week dissection of the pregnancy and what you should be doing to prepare along the way.

Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to Be an Elite Dad or Carer from Birth to Three Years - another short/easy read that reads like a field manual and is actually written by a navy seal. While the first book above is more focused on pregnancy, this book is more focused on what the hell to do after pregnancy.

Eat, Sleep, Poop: A Common Sense Guide to Your Baby's First Year - Although it's written by a pediatrician, it's a very simple read and very practical. Covers less logistics and more focused on health, development, sleeping, eating, etc.

These books will help put you in control of the situation and will help you lead the charge for you and your wife.

I also definitely recommend attending every prenatal appointment with your wife (and lining up a doctor ASAP - first appt should be around Week 6), as well as whatever pregnancy/baby classes your hospital offers.

As far as gear, primary items are bassinet, crib, car seat, stroller, bouncer. But you have plenty of time to figure that stuff out. Check out Lucie's List and of course Amazon for helpful reviews. BuyBuyBaby can also be a good resource - they have in-store registry consultants who will give you an entire tour of the store and provide you with some helpful advice. Both BuyBuyBaby and Amazon have 15% off end-of-registry coupons to help you save toward the end.

Feel free to hit me up with any specific questions :)

I feel you. My daughter is about to be 5 months and it's very hard to get anything done. Of course I want her to get lots of love and attention, but I also want her to be able to handle me putting her down to take a dump or shower. Likewise, I started to feel like she wasn't spending enough time awake on her stomach and back figuring out to how to do things like roll over or sit up herself since she wants to sit or stand on us (with help), be on our lap, or be in carrier. From a gross motor skills/milestone standpoint this also seemed less then ideal.

I agree building the ability to play independently for short periods (at least) is something I want to foster in my baby. Just this week I read Elevating Child Care by Janet Lansbury (she also has a blog) who writes about RIE parenting a model in which you treat babies with respect and like they can understand. You also strive to build their confidence and competence and their ability to spend time confidently exploring themselves. While I don't agree with everything in her book (you never do) I liked a lot of it, it's a very fast read, and I think it could be a great perspective for you and your wife.

She specifically talks about setting some healthy boundaries even with your baby like Mommy needs to brush her teeth. Now, your baby's feelings are genuine - she's crying because she is upset and wants to be held. However, Lansbury would say it's okay for your baby to experience being upset sometimes if you are respectful, understanding, and all of their needs are met. You would say to "[baby name], I am going to go brush my teeth. I will be back in two minutes." If they cry, you might say "I know you don't want me to leave," or "You want to be held right now" or some sort of acknowledgement and name the feeling if you know it. But still, brush your teeth. Then when you are done hug and comfort baby. "You are so upset I left you to brush my teeth." The idea is that feelings are not wrong (don't "no" crying) but that even as a baby it's all right if they don't always get their way.

There's also good info on developing independent play time to help your wife get some stuff done.

Get yourself this book - https://www.amazon.com/Commando-Dad-Basic-Training-Elite/dp/1849532613

It's a book aimed at dads, but honestly I found it more helpful than a lot of mum books. My partner LOVED it and recommends it to everyone. It's basically written like an army training manual for newborns, and it has lots of common-sense advice, lists of equipment you need, and step by step points for dealing with daily things like changing, feeding, sleeping etc.

Also - start saving as much money as you can NOW. Look for second hand items (except for a car seat - safety is key and you don't know the history of a secondhand piece of safety equipment). The baby doesn't need much for its first few weeks - somewhere to sleep (like a Moses basket), a few onesies, some blankets and burp cloths, nappies, wipes, and bottles etc if you're pumping/using formula. A stroller and a carrier will come in handy too. That's pretty much it.

Best of luck to you both!

Ok, here's what we have done in the past, SS is nearly 16. We hold a family meeting. We lay out what the expected behaviours/household tasks are in our house and then we ask SS if there is anything he disagrees with, would like to talk about changing, or if he has any issues he'd like to bring up. And then we talk, us adults remaining calm. In the face of any harshness from the child(ren). Sometimes it results in us changing an expectation. Most times it's a simple "that's not fair" that we explore the options for (is it fair that I do all the cleaning and cooking? For example). Kids don't have the brain ability to see other perspectives, they need it spelled out and shown to them.

If memory serves dad was abusive, I don't recall how long he's been out of the kids lives, but the older may remember more of the bad than the younger and so younger us lashing out because that's all kids really can do. They have zero control in their own lives a lot of the time other than how they behave. It doesn't excuse it or make it ok, but knowing that may help keep the empathy going.

Once the boundaries are set, the adults must choose to stick to them and not engage in the argument, as I learned from a recent listen to [Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0374528535/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_7YhKAbT9XZ7AP) pre/teens are hard wired to argue and attempt to maneuver out of any and all responsibilities, including skirting doing the whole thing by something along the lines of "I didn't know you meant wash the dishes as well as load the dishwasher when you said do the dishes..." which is rediculous to any adult but makes perfect sense to the teen. Stay calm, and next time give precise and clear instructions "please empty and load the dishwasher and wash and dry and put away the hand wash dishes, also wipe up any water / all the counters." (we have a white board type list where everything is supposed to be checked off, guess how often that happens unless we say do the whole list?)

I'm now rambling....

1. Family meeting to set boundaries and expectations
   
   
2. Listen to kids griefs and do what you will with them while remaining calm
   
   
3. Stick to boundaries. Don't fight. Just restate the boundary. On repeat. Embrace the persona of broken record. Own it.
   
   
4. As your SO seems to have struggled with this in the past, give her loving praise for holding the boundary. Tell her you're proud of her. Whatever way makes her feel good, do it. Reinforce the shit out of that boundary holding awesomeness. She'll need it because it sounds like SS is going to be a hard nut to crack and get on board with how the house runs.
   
   All that said and done. It also sounds like the kid needs to have some one on one time with mom doing something fun that is his choice. My SS still turns into a grade A donkey when he doesn't feel like he's getting enough attention from his dad. I know it's hard. It's hard to make time for everyone and still have time to sleep. But if it gets ramped up for a while and then tapered off to a reasonable mom/son date frequency he will regain the sense of security he appears, to this internet stranger, to be lacking.

> I insist on getting the school side of his life right, I am not compromising there.

By the time a child is a teen, they should already know how to take responsibility for their academics. If you still need to hound him about schoolwork, that's not good. It's not your role to do that. Enlist the school, see if they have academic support classes that can teach him how to be more organized. Insist he (NOT you) talk to his guidance counselor; perhaps he's in classes that are beyond his aptitude level. If it's a lack of being challenged, his counselor can help get him into more demanding courses. Or, encourage him to look into courses of study outside of what is offered in the school. Find something that makes him excited and motivated. Learning isn't all done in a classroom.

Important here is that he takes the initiative. You can coach and nudge, but resist the urge to do it all for him. If he's only a few short years from going to college, he's going to need to know how to do this on his own, because you won't be there. I know (based on what you wrote elsewhere) you want to be there, but you shouldn't be holding his hand in college. You shouldn't be holding his hand now!!

You need to let go, let him fall down and make his mistakes and learn from them. It's not the end of the world if he gets lousy grades in high school. It's normal to think that, but it's simply not true. He's got an entire lifetime to get his act together.

I will share that two of the most successful people I know nearly flunked out of high school. Okay, one was a solid D student. The other actually did flunk out. The D student (my sister) went to community college, got her act together, graduated a solid C student... then went on to a career in sales where she makes $300K. She excels in sales - she does not excel in classroom learning. The other person flunked out, spent a few years floundering around, decided to change her life, went back for her GED, worked part-time jobs while sending herself through college over a period of years, and now is also in sales, making $300K.

Then there's story after story of computer whizzes who don't go to college but found start-up companies.....

> What's more I need to push him to go out more and meet more of his peers and I do it, because he'd turn into a hermit (computer addicted hermit) if I let him.

What you are doing here is telling him there's something "wrong" with his personality that needs to be "fixed." Your job as his mother is to accept him as he is. It's possible he's an introvert. It's possible all these "peers" are into drugs, and he wants no part of it. You just don't know.

It's also possible that home is where he recharges his batteries, and he's completely different outside of the house. My youngest (16) is like this. When she's home, you can't get her off the computer, t.v., or her nose out of a book. She withdraws completely, and acts grumpy and hermit-like. But when she's out of the house, she is ON - an extreme extrovert, chatterbug, go-go-go!! She tells me that when she comes home, she just wants to unplug and relax...

I highly recommend this book to you:

http://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535

as well as this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Primal-Teen-Discoveries-about-Teenage/dp/0385721609

One more anecdote I'll share, about my oldest, nearly 18 now. She has her first job this summer, as a camp counselor with small children (age 5 and 6). I was very concerned about this, because at home, she is irresponsible, easily distracted, daydreams a lot, and doesn't seem to like children at all. She has a half-sister and she doesn't get down on the floor and play with her. If the house was burning down around her ears, she'd never notice... etc, etc...

Guess what? The camp is reporting that she is the BEST counselor they've ever had!! That the children all adore her. That she's attentive, responsible, etc, etc.... they even gave her extended hours! Complete surprise to us....

But, not really. This is the way it is with teens. You get the bad side at home - because it's safe for them to be bad, to regress. Meanwhile, they are completely different outside of the house. They are busy making you proud. You cannot judge how your son acts at home, as how he acts outside of the home.

I think you should read :

Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0470574755/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_FVy1DbJ9CFZ5C

There’s a lot of data in there that supports the idea that we are living in one of the safest times in our nations history. Child abductions by strangers (not friends or family) is extremely rare.

It is my personal belief that the majority of humans in this world generally like kids and want to help them and not hurt them.

As far as molestations and that kind of thing- my solution is that from the beginning I’ve been very open and honest with my kids about the human body and sexuality. They know the correct anatomical names for body parts and they know that they are in charge of their bodies and no one has the right to touch them without their permission. We’ve talked about consent. We’ve talked about people who act like your friend but really want to hurt you and keeping an eye out for them.

At the beginning of every school year we talk about people touching in the places covered by bathing suits and how it’s not okay. We talk about screaming at the top of their lungs no matter what and running away if they can. We talk about how even if someone says they’ll hurt you or your family for telling they absolutely will not be able to do that and that they MUST tell a trusted adult immediately. Then we talk about who the trusted adults in their lives are that they’d feel comfortable going to.

You can’t control who’s out there walking around in the world but you can take appropriate steps to make sure your children are (age appropriately) aware of the risks and know what to do if something happens or doesn’t feel right to them. You can foster loving and open relationships with your children so they feel comfortable coming to you about the big things. You can teach them what to do if someone tries to touch them in a way they don’t like. You can teach them about autonomy and consent.

I know it sounds like a lot but remember this is over the course of 10 years. This isn’t all at once so don’t get bogged down by the amount of work. Really it’s small aspects taught maybe a few times and reemphasized regularly. It’s curating a loving relationship with your child, which you’re going to do anyway, and making sure they feel safe and cared for so they can talk to you about the big or scary things.

Take a deep breath, Mama. I know it’s hard but try not to let your anxiety run the show.

I am reading two:

What to Expect When You're Expecting - This is a great book with EVERY bit of detail you ever needed. It covers everything to the point where it can kind of feel a little clinical (textbook-y) sometimes. I actually prefer this but each to their own! The information in this book has allowed me to challenge information my GP has given me on occasion, getting the care I wanted. This book also has a comprehensive section on how to care for the baby after it arrives and care of yourself.

My mother bought me The Day-by-Day Pregnancy Book: Comprehensive Advice from a Team of Experts and Amazing Images Every Single Day because 'it has more pictures'. Its a nice book and the pictures are nice but I still prefer the first book. It has limited information I feel.

I've actually found that I read 'Day-by-day' more often for 'a flick through' - where as I pick up 'What to Expect' for answers and reassurance.

The 'best' book will depend on what type of pregnancy book you want, I guess.

For future reference, /r/askphilosophy exists for these kinds of questions.

Now, if you're looking for something more narrative that will allow you to get your feet wet, you have a few different options.

Sophie's World is really quite enjoyable, though I suppose its intended audience is probably younger than yourself.

If you're looking for something more mature, you might try philosophical fiction like Camus' The Stranger or Sartre's Nausea. Both are a great way to get into something philosophical without having to worry too much about terminology or technical language.

If you're looking for something more analytic (logic, phil math, phil science, etc.), you might try something like Russell's The Problems of Philosophy. It's a pretty good read and it's short.

If you're looking for a general introduction to philosophy, something more mature than Sophie's World but focused on the history of philosophy as opposed to a particular area, you might want to look at something like Russell's The History of Western Philosophy. If you do get more involved in philosophy, you'll discover that the book has its flaws, and Russell was wrong about several of the philosophers that he discusses, but it's a good introduction to the history of philosophy that is easily accessible if you have the time to sit down and read it.

In terms of which one's are more fun to read, I'd say the philosophical fiction and Sophie's World are at the top, as the other two books are a bit more dry, but if you're looking for something substantive and not too technical, then all of these might serve your purposes.

I hope that helped in some way, and in future, if you have any philosophy related questions, don't hesitate to ask over in /r/askphilosophy.

I don't have kids but I found that reading some parenting books has helped me to understand both about myself and things that my parents did wrong, and how normal healthy parents respond to their kids. "The Conscious Parent" is an amazing book for this. It is to teach parents how to respond to their kids in a healthy way while being conscious of their own reactions and feelings and how to NOT put your issues on your kid. It's a great book. I love what the author is doing in trying to teach parents how to respond to their kids lovingly and not as a reaction /due to their own issues.

https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Parent-Transforming-Ourselves-Empowering/dp/1897238452

This STEP parenting series is also good about how to talk to kids and what consequences are supposed to be like. (not crazy insane screaming punishments and 6 month groundings, like happened at my house) There's a different book for each age range.

https://www.amazon.com/Parents-Handbook-Systematic-Effective-Parenting/dp/0979554209/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504368293&sr=1-1&keywords=step+parenting+systematic

The fact that you are concerned about how to best respond to your potential child and how it will make them feel means you are already far ahead of your parents. N parents don't think about this stuff.

I am moving to Mass in a few weeks and eager to go mushroom hunting!

I got this field guide on Amazon (along with a few others) but I liked it the most: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591935911/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It's got tons of pictures. My favorite thing is that it starts with listing 'Top Edibles' and 'Top Toxics'. Also, it lists common lookalikes for all the mushrooms and tips for telling them apart.

Only eat the ones you're super confident in identifying, but the field guide is a fun guess + check when you're still learning

DM if you'd want a novice mushroom hunting buddy. I'll be in the south shore area

You've already made the first step, deciding to homeschool / unschool. I'm very proud that my children have never spent a day in government indoctrination centers.

Start looking up the homeschooling laws in your state now. If your state laws are tough on homeschooling, then start planning a move to a homeschool friendly state now, I would suggest New Hampshire!

Find a local homeschool group to be involved in. If you're religious, the options are pretty good. If not, it is tougher to find a secular group in some areas (like the Memphis area we used to live in). The support and friendships in these kinds of groups are a big help.

The biggest thing to keep in mind is that homeschooling is one sacrifice after another. We sacrifice my wife's salary, which would be substantial. We sacrifice the benefit of our tax dollars going to schools for other children. We sacrifice paying money on events and stuff we would get for free if our kids were in the system. But, the sacrifices are worth every penny.

Also, this book was a big help to my wife: https://www.amazon.com/Children-Learn-Classics-Child-Development/dp/0201484048/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1473526899&sr=8-2&keywords=john%20holt%20unschooling

I’m a big believer in The Kazdin Method by Dr Alan Kazdin PhD. He is the head of the Yale Parenting Clinic and head of Child Psychology at Yale University. He takes an evidence based approach and uses what’s been proven effective. The gist of his approach is: 1) focus on the positive opposite, in other words tell the child what you want them to do, 2) coach and practice the behavior with them in a non stressful environment and offer up specific, enthusiastic praise, 3) que them up to help set them up for success and 4) always offer specific and enthusiastic praise when they are performing the behavior.

For example, let’s say you want your child likes to run off around the house. Instead of telling your child to “stop running” you would use the positive opposite of “walking.” Once you’ve identified the behavior you want, you would take a minute to coach them on it when it isn’t stressful! allow them to practice, and praise them for walking. Throughout the day when you see them walking, praise it. If they’re running then you can que them up with “walking” and praise them when they comply. If they have a habit of running into the home when you get home, then you can que them up while you are pulling in, “remember that we walk inside the home...” and then praise when they walk. You can also utilize a “sticker chart” or when they get older a “checklist” to help, but praising is the important thing.

With regards to unwanted behaviors, his advocates for “extinction.” How do you extinguish a behavior? By not giving it any attention. Extinction, in and of itself, is not the strongest way to change a behavior, but when you couple it with reinforcement of the positive opposite, it can be a powerful tool. For example: just ignoring your child’s whining is not as effective as doing this but also being very alert to when your child makes a request, without whining, and saying “please”, and rewarding this accomplishment. Granted, you aren’t going to just ignore a child running with scissors, but hopefully you get the idea.

You would really need to be on the same page with your SO for any strategy to work, because you definitely don’t want to send conflicting messages. If you have an unhealthy and/or abusive relationship with an SO then I would suspect there are bigger issues that need to be addressed and professional help will be required to help any child process it.

Philosophy is a big field, and without good guidance it's really difficult to make progress. Thus, if you're really interested in the subject I recommend eventually taking classes. You don't need to be enrolled in a University to take classes; there are many online courses available. For example, Shelly Kagan and Tamar Gendler (both excellent teachers, as well as first-rate researchers in their sub-disciplines) teach online philosophy classes through Open Yale Courses. iTunes U has some good stuff too; you can search around for particular topics that might interest you.

As for books, I recommend starting with something accessible, like Bertrand Russell's Problems of Philosophy. Depending on your interests, you might also enjoy Thomas Kuhn's Structure of Scientific Revolutions and A.J. Ayer's Language, Truth, and Logic. In all cases, though, I recommend having some guidance as you read, which would require some kind of teacher, as in the online resources I mentioned above.

I'm putting it off as well. I read about half of Expecting Better back when I first started TTC. I had a friend that really liked "Happiest Baby on the Block."

If anyone is interested in communication for birth to 4 years (let me get on my soapbox), I highly suggest It Takes Two to Talk by the Hanen Centre. It's marketed toward parents of children with language delays, but it's helpful for everyone wanting to promote their child's language development. I teach the class to parents, and one of the things I consistently hear is "Why isn't this for everyone?," "I wish I knew this for my other kids," and my favorite: "I want to have another kid again and try this from the beginning!"

1. The only book; by top London Obstetrician: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Day-Day-Pregnancy-Book-Comprehensive/dp/1405332107, and read one page a day with your partner. You get to learn what your baby is doing, and share what changes she is going through and learn a lot, all the while supporting her.
   
2. Don't buy too much baby crap. Get it used if you are inclined.
   
3. A Pacifier does just that -- pacify. You can start late / wean early but there may come a day when you have to give them one... don't beat yourself up.
   
4. Encourage breastfeeding. Great for baby, boobies for you.
   
   Best of luck!!!

If you're really interested in polyamory then I'd also suggest reading about it. Poly itself isn't that hard, but a lot of unexpected emotions can happen when you attempt it, and some people trying CNM sometimes create and/or agree to rules than can later backfire and destroy the relationships, so... if you like learning from experience of others, you might want to try those:

1. When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous - nice, short, and neutral intro to polyamory - what it is, and what it isn't. Good for family and friends, too.
   
2. The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory - more personal approach, written from a girl perspective.
   
3. More Than Two - detailed explanation of many things that might happen in polyamorous relationships, kind of "polyamory bible". Definitively worth reading, too.

Use Parent Management Training (PMT). It's based on 50+ years of parenting research and parent training results. It has been shown to have a large effect size based on a dozen or more randomized control trials. Use the methods in the book Kazdin Method. It present a version of PMT.
Here is a partial summary

Some else posted about the book The Explosive Child. There are a couple of randomized controlled trials that provide evidence that the methods in this book are as good as PMT. It's different from PMT, more of a talking cure. It has some things in common with PMT.

>Yelling at him, speaking with him in a respectful and calm manor, taking away the things he loves (skateboard, iPhone), yet I can't seem to get through to him.

The parenting research that gave rise to PMT shows that yelling as an immediate reaction to unwanted behavior is counter-productive, worst than doing nothing. Even speaking calmly as an immediate reaction is typically counter-productive, but away from the heat of the moment the sort of interactions outlined in The Explosive Child can help, creating collaborative proactive solutions that involve a lot of active listening. Kazdin Method teaches how to make limited use of taking away stuff effectively, but it's at most a small part of an overall effective system, it's not part of the method presented in The Explosive Child.

As far as the parents things goes; are they willing to listen? If so, then there are a couple of books about being the parent of a trans kid that they might find helpful. This book in particular I’ve read and enjoyed, my mum eventually read it too and I think it helped It’s this book .
They could also reach out to any local PFLAG groups as many have parents of trans kids, and even some have specific groups just for parents. Often being able to talk to other parents can really help.
I would also start looking into a gender therapist. They would be able to help you, they would be able to help your parents, and in the future if you do want to start HRT, having a gender therapist will be very beneficial, especially if you’re going to start underaged.
Good luck!

Whether or not you're going all the way to homeschooling or finding alternatives such as Montessori or Waldorf, here's my two cents as well. Read up on it. I'll probably come off as bit of an ass, but it's your kid, what more relevance do you need to find and buy lots and lots of manuals(so to speak). Kids're pretty complicated, or so I've heard.

I'm not an expert, but I have a few titles I'll promptly lay on whatever friend of mine starts to procreate first. In my opinion these aren't 'crazy' books, and I sincerely hope you'll take them seriously.

How Children Learn

How Children Fail

Punished By Rewards

The Homework Myth

John Taylor Gatto has written some stuff as well, but Google can find that for you. Read and read more. I couldn't begin to describe my time in the famous twelve years without plenty of cussing.

Take an interest, is my advice.

Here are the books I gave to my mom:
My Child is Transgender: 10 Tips for Parents of Adult Trans Children
by Matt Kailey
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00867Y6OU

Now What?: A Handbook for Families with Transgender Children
by Rex Butt
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B010NZBEUQ

Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children
by Rachel Pepper
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007TUY3PW

The first one is really quick and simple but is a good introduction. The second was my favorite, it was written by a parent and I think many parents can relate. It's really really great, don't let the author's name fool you. I didn't read all of the last one, but I figured it would be good to throw another one in there to tug on the heartstrings and sort of show my parents that if the parents in the book can adjust, so can they.

Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning Son or Daughter - Kevin Jennings

The GENDER Book - Mel Reiff Hill

The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes - Diane Ehrensaft

Gender Diversity and Non-Binary Inclusion in the Workplace: The Essential Guide for Employers - Sarah Gibson, J. Fernandez

Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents - Irwin Krieger

The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens - Stephanie Brill

Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children - Rachel Pepper

As a toddlers teacher, I can tell you that there absolutely are tons of good books!!

You have to remember that there is no "ways to teach my kids." All kids learn differently. Luckily, since you are their parent, you are privileged to info about your kid that us teachers are not!

All kids naturally posses a desire to explore and learn. Teaching a toddler is not so much teaching as it is facilitating. Give your child the ability to explore and play freely. When you see your child has an interest in something, provide resources and opportunities for your child to discover and learn more about that thing. Scaffold. Info on scaffolding: https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/may2017/rocking-and-rolling-empowering-infants-and-toddlers. I recommend spending some time on NAEYC's website. They have TONS of great information.

Books.

I also provided links to Amazon to view the books. I recommend that you buy older editions of the textbooks since these ones are really expensive. The older editions are pretty much the same, and much much cheaper.

• Your Self-confident baby by Magda Gerber.
  
• Developmentally Appropriate Practice by Carol Copple, et al.
  
• Infants, Toddlers, and Caregivers by Janet Gonzalez-Mena, et al.
  
• Elevating Childcare by Janet Lansbury.
  
• The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegal (haven't read this one yet, but my colleagues say it's good).

This is the amazon page for a book written by an Economist discussing twin and adoption studies that suggest the genetic effect is much stronger than the effect of parenting style.

I don't have links to the actual studies, but you can read some little snippets from the author here, here, and here.

If you're interested in learning more, I recommend the book. I thought it was a great read. I found those links with just a few seconds googling as well, so I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find more.

My favorite for infants was Happiest Baby on the Block: Happiest Baby on the Block

My favorite for toddler is "Raising Your Spirited Child": Raising Your Spirited Child

My favorite for breastfeeding was "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding": Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

My favorite for pumping at work was "Work, Pump, Repeat": Work, Pump, Repeat

​

I'm not sure that this is the source of the term, but here's a popular book. The whole thing normally involves a good deal more than just letting your kid walk places. The book itself is pretty good stuff. Either they are misusing the term or this is just the one thing that the parents were caught doing.

I can recommend buying, reading and implementing these

The New Strong-Willed Child https://www.amazon.com/dp/141439134X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_aetSBbWSF5FX1

Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062403060/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_AftSBbMH5EADB

Kids behavior is a control mechanism to get what they want, and although every child is different, you can break down behaviors into one of four or five categories. These books help you understand their behavior better and give you effective, proven strategies to deal with it. All you have to do is not give up, not give in, and be consistent.

You’ve got to learn how to effectively discipline this little monster before it ruins all the kids childhoods.

Eeee, so excited for you!

• I haven't read any yet! But I have bought Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality and The Happiest Baby on the Block. Both books I've seen recommended and are well reviewed, just need to buckle down and read them. It all just seems so far off still...
  
  
• I did happen to have a routine appointment scheduled a few days before my babymoon (I was 24 weeks) and they gave me the OK to travel. The only thing I did to prepare was look up where the nearest hospitals were and which one had a Labor & Delivery unit. It's scary to think about, but odds are so slim something bad will happen in the relatively brief time you are there! Now the important thing, you better share lots of pictures with us of your beautiful tropical vacay ;)

Apparently the Denver Early Start Model is showing some good results. We have no therapists here in Western Australia... But I just wanted you to know that there are viable alternatives to ABA out there...

Having said that, my son gets ABA, and what that woman was doing, wasn't ABA. horrid, horrid woman !

Hmmm,... just read the rest of this thread... The ABA that my son gets breaks down each skill into a set of tiny tasks, which he is encouraged to complete using a "No.No.Show" method. So you show him what you want him to do, and then ask him to do it. If he refuses, or does it incorrectly, you say "No" the first two times, and the third time, you show him how to do it again. He gets LOTS of positive praise.

He gives all of his therapists grief the first time he meets them :) He's as stubborn as hell. He's yelled and carried on for twenty minutes or so when he first meets a therapist, to see what he can get away with. None of these beautiful young women has ever raised her voice, moved him involuntarily, or hurt him in any way. Listening to a woman twenty years younger than me singing to my screeching son, to distract him, has brought me to tears. I certainly don't have their patience or dedication.

And at the start of this year he had NO functioning language. He didn't even say "Mum". Now he asks for food and drinks, and to use the computer, and going to his special school (which also uses ABA) he waves to me and says "Bye Mum". ABA has given him that.

I do not deny in any way that ABA has a very dark past. I was actually warned by my providers against Googling for videos as some of them are incredibly distressing. ABA as it is practiced here uses no stronger an adversive than ignoring unwanted behaviour. I would like to stress again that what this awful woman did to your child was NOT ABA and it WAS abusive. Someone who thinks and behaves like that should,not be working with children at all, let alone special needs children..

Anyway, Floortime has some good ideas and the Denver Early Start Model does too. If you look them up on Amazon, you'll be able to get a good idea of what's involved in each method as people put loads of helpful info in the reviews.

Denver Early Start

Floortime

I also found It Takes Two to Talk useful, although its expensive... As well as The Verbal Behaviour Approach which is like a more DIY child-centred approach to Autism.

Lastly I would echo the PP who said "Trust your Mummy Instincts". Trust your Mummy instincts ! Don't be ashamed to hover outside the classroom (out of sight); ask more questions; fight for your child :)

It sounds like you might benefit from reading Raising your spirited child . If nothing else it will give you some reassurance that your high energy kid isn’t the only kid like that. :)

Get out of my Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall is a good one for dealing with teenagers, though it's not specifically intended for steps. Although it definitely focuses on the child in the sense that it aims to help you understand why they act the way they do, it is all in the context of understanding that the adults in the household have needs and feelings too. It really helped me understand my SD better.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Mixed-Race-Multiracial-Post-Racial/dp/1138999466

tell them at an early age who they are, that they are mixed and they will be different. tell them that this this is ok and they don't have to be like everyone else

after that generally good parenting applies

no helicopter parenting, encourage physical exercise, instill good self discipline, don't stress on education too much, don't let schooling get in the way of education, let them find a passion and support it. do vaccinations.

Thanks for the recommendations. I picked up The Baby owners manual per your recommendation. I've liked Heading Home With Your Newborn so far.
It's hard to find good Dad books. It seems that every one that I've looked at tries to be someones attempt at comedy. All I want is real, straightforward advice. Although the Manual looks great!

The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross

a GREAT book by John Allegro that if you are at all interested in this type of stuff I would 100% recommend. Whether it's true or not I'm not going to speculate, but there is some very interesting "evidence" (evidence in quotes since he is using paintings and the bible for reference) that seems to support his theory.

also as a follow up, by Jan Irving and directly reviewing and critiquing The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross is: The Holy Mushroom: Evidence of Mushrooms in Judeo-Christianity

It's aimed directly at dads but I'm sure mums would enjoy it too.
Commando Dad: How to be an elite dad or carer.
Takes you through from birth to 3 years, apparently Prince William used it according to Amazon. I found it a fun read, if you're into SAS style books and that sort of army lingo.There have been loads of offshoots too
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Commando-Dad-Elite-Carer-Birth/dp/1849532613

better to learn both poisonous and edible.

Eastern US

Mushrooms of the Northeastern United States and Eastern Canada The most recently published for the NE

Mushrooms of the Northeast by Walt Sturgeon An excellent pocket guide, Walt does a good job mentioning the lesser known look alikes.

Mushrooms of Northeast North America A great guide for beginners, with many pictorial and dichotomous guides to ID fungi.

Mushrooms of Northeastern North America Has the most species listed for the NE.

If education interests you, you can't go wrong with How Children Fail, How Children Learn, or any of John Holt's later works. Truly inspiring.

The Lives of Children by George Dennison is also amazing.

PFLAG's Welcoming Our Trans Family And Friends pamphlet is a great place to start and I'd suggest taking a look at it. Someone's already recced 'The Transgender Child' which is another fantastic resource that I would strongly recommend you pursue. The My Child is Transgender e-book is another useful resource that's pretty short but tackles a lot of the big points in what I thought was a relatively clear manner, too.

My mum was like this at first when I told her. You'd be surprised how quickly they can come around with the right information. And you'd be surprised, they need their support groups too, sometimes, when they're faced with news like this.

If you're in America, look up your local PFLAG group. In the UK, FFLAG. Elsewhere, I don't know what groups you can look up but similar organisations are all over the world now, based on the PFLAG model which started in America.

Consider getting them this book. I got it for my mum when I told her, because it was obvious she was having a hard time dealing with it. She's since come around.

Anyway, good luck.

So, a blogger I like just shared some advertising for this.
Thought this might be interesting for you:

(Disclaimer that I haven't read the book and thus can't really vouch for it.)

[When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous] (https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-Love-Polyamorous-Understanding/dp/0996460187/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481771400&sr=1-1&keywords=when+someone+you+love+is+polyamorous)

With my first, I really like Heading Home with Your Newborn, which was gifted to me by my pediatrician uncle. I read it cover to cover probably 15 times, and referred to it constantly. I could never remember what it was called, though, and always referred to it as "Care and Feeding of Your Baby", which was pretty accurate, it turns out lol.

Lovely for you, that's so exciting!

My pregnancy book:

Day-by-Day-Pregnancy

It's good for tips as well as interesting about what's happening with baby

Do you have a specific interest? Otherwise a general introduction like Think, Problems of Philosophy, or Justice are all well regarded. Though, all have their strengths and weaknesses. There are tons of accessible introductions though and depending on your interests it might be better to use one rather than another. All of those are fairly general

My kids aren't yet 2yr, and we don't spank, but I have a few ideas. First, it seems your son is seeking your attention (negative or positive) by acting the way he does. He now knows if he doesn't put his toys away, he'll get your attention. I have twins so they get to play with each other for part of the day, but if they are not sleeping they want/need attention from an adult. I used to try to get a bunch of chores done in the morning before I left for work. I found myself getting agitated that my boys wanted to be picked up or played with while I was doing the dishes or sweeping or whatever. So now I'll get most of that stuff done after they go to bed at night, so my mornings are way less stressful. I can give them the attention they want which negates the need for them to escalate bad behavior to get my attention. I'm in a better mood because they are in a better mood. Also when they do behave badly we do timeouts and try as best as possible to contain our anger( no yelling, just convey disappointment in a calm way) . It helps calm them down by being calm yourself. Also folding clothes can be a chore both of you can do together (it will be slow going, but he will be getting your attention while you get some work done.)

Also we don't negotiate with terrorists! If they want something and we say no, no amount of pleading/begging/ tantrums will get them what we said no to. They learn really quickly that dad/mom will capitulate if they just yell long enough, kick their feet, cry, etc. I used to be the lightweight/push over, not anymore. Never give in.

Check out the book, "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child", from the library or order a used copy from Amazon. He has a lot of good ideas that could help. Good luck.

I am reading through: http://www.amazon.com/Heading-Home-With-Your-Newborn/dp/1581104448/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397573039&sr=8-1&keywords=from+birth+to+reality
which is pretty good with what you need to know about newborns.

I also have http://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Owners-Manual-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397573102&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+manual+book which is a quick and easy reference guide and should be more handy when I need to look something up.

I also have what to expect the first year, but I haven't actually looked at it yet. My DH has the Be Prepared book for dads, which he likes.

I'm more of the treat your child like a person camp, so I am loving anything by Janet Lansbury. I'm in the middle of this book and I love it.

Here are the 2 guides I am using to research foraging. The plant guide is pretty good. I give it a 8/10. It just needs a few more pictures because it doesn't show all stages of growth. The mushroom guide is pretty incredible! 9/10. It has a subsection specifically for edible mushrooms and specifies poisonous look alikes side by side. I use these in conjunction with youtube to research foraging. The mushroom guide is very pocket sized. The plant guide is larger and would require a small backpack to comfortably hike with it, but it isn't by any means bulky. It is like 6x8 with 120 pages or so.

Jusy FYI, I am mostly and armchair forager so far. I have foraged for wineberries and raspberries in NJ but that is about it. PM me the area you live in. Might be able to explore with you.

Plant foraging
https://www.amazon.com/Northeast-Foraging-Flavorful-Wineberries-Regional/dp/1604694173/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491754003&sr=8-1&keywords=northeast+foraging

Mushrooms
https://www.amazon.com/Mushrooms-Northeast-Simple-Common-Mushroom/dp/1591935911/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1491754115&sr=8-2&keywords=mushroom+guide+northeast

Transgender 101 by Nick Teich (sadly not free)? My Child is Transgender: 10 Tips for Parents of Adult Trans Children (99¢ ebook)? The Our Trans Children leaflet (free PDF download)?

Honestly you are EXTREMELY unlikely to find something that explains things without ever using the word transsexual or mentioning surgery. The closest you're going to get is giving them stuff that you've altered and censored. It makes way more sense to give them stuff that does mention those things, let them get a basic understanding, and then explain to them that you do not want surgery. If you're not willing to do that, my guess is you're going to find yourself stuck. Given that you have a need that existing stuff doesn't meet, though, I encourage you to write your ideal resource(s) yourself, or in collaboration with others, and spread them around. :)

For mushrooms. I have their book for the Midwest region and it is a very good guide. They put top edibles in front with the pages lined in green, top toxics lined in red, and then everything else grouped by cap and stem with gills, cap and stem with pores, shelf with gills, etc but also in each subcategory as a color progression from lighter colors like white to darker colors like red, purple, or black.

https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/02/06/correlations-of-iq-with-income-and-wealth/

Being smarter is correlated to a higher income.

http://www.bc.edu/content/dam/files/schools/cas_sites/psych/pdf/critique_income_.pdf

"Consider that both school attainment (mean
number of years of schooling completed) and intelligence
are highly heritable, both heritability coefficients (h2s)
between .60 and .80"

https://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X

This is a good book that goes into depth on how many of our traits seem to be tied to our genetics.

1. I was 27 years old when I worked it out. I was so scared of it that questioning was a long, painful time. But when I finally accepted myself, I didn't even think twice.
   
   
2. The best responses have been from my long-term friend, and my sister. They both expressed how happy they were that I'd worked things out, and had the confidence not to 'take the easy path' for a quiet life. They also thanked me for confiding in them. The worst responses have been from my parents. They haven't been overtly negative, but not positive either. They still nag me about not being 'feminine enough'. They use 'he or she' when describing future partners and say things like 'whoever you choose to be with'. I appreciate the sentiment, but it feels awful, like I'm not being taken seriously.
   
   
3. ^ same as above
   
   
4. I recently bought a few books to give to my family, but I haven't got around to reading them yet: book 1, book 2, book 3
   
   
5. > Right now we're in the position of wondering if she is in fact homosexual, or if this was an instance of experimenting with a friend, and the changing hormones in her body are making her feel something that may or may not last.
   
   

• This is a quite negative way to view things. For one, trust what she's telling you. It doesn't matter if she changes her mind in the future. Support who she is right now. And in NO WAY make reference to any future with men, even as a joke, or even use neutral pronouns unless she expresses otherwise. It seems trivial, but it will hurt her SO MUCH to feel you aren't taking her at her word. Also as parents, don't get your hopes up about a future where she decides it was a "phase" and marries a man and has 2.4 children.

When someone you love is polyamorous by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0996460187?vs=1

OhMori mentioned this just before me. I'm providing a link. I'd suggest reading it before you hand it to you're parents or friends. This lets you be familiar with the framework of the book on how it explains poly and will help you to further explain to you're loved ones if they still have questions. You will likely understand this better than they will so this wont solve all questions but is a starting point.

I am not qualified to judge his interpretations of the evidence, but I find John Allegro's theory that Christianity arose out of a hallucinogenic mushroom cult of ancient Jews pretty interesting.

Yep... I'd say you got about a 1/3 odds, depending on location, political views, empathy, cultural respect. You get those down, and there's a very high chance your kid will be fine. Fuck those up tho... and there's a risk they're going to get the answers to life's questions from somewhere else. Recommended reading: Raising Mixed Race by Sharon Chang. Get's to the heart of what you want. No "you're so progressive" fluff... just a nice distilled "what do I do with my biracial kid" book.

Ya I don't know why this is the top voted comment, it is pretty ignorant. The study of "mushroom" cults is an academic study with ample evidence and it's an interesting field which is actually fairly popular. It was probably the word "Jesus".

References :
http://www.amazon.com/Food-Gods-Original-Knowledge-Evolution/dp/0553371304
http://www.amazon.com/The-Sacred-Mushroom-Cross-Christianity/dp/0340128755
http://www.amazon.com/Persephones-Quest-Entheogens-Origins-Religion/dp/0300052669
http://www.huh.harvard.edu/libraries/wasson/BIOG.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benny_Shanon
http://www.artepreistorica.com/2009/12/the-oldest-representations-of-hallucinogenic-mushrooms-in-the-world-sahara-desert-9000-%E2%80%93-7000-b-p/

this goes on and on and on

>What people mean is that you might be able to be pressured into it anyway, and if so, of course you'll love your kids and do your best to be a good mom, even as you resent their very existence.

Speaking for myself, when I was in my teens and early 20s I couldn't imagine having kids; now that I'm a bit older, I realize that people who don't have kids merely go through life, accumulate a pile of baubles, and then die: very few of us have much long-term meaning beyond our children. As people age, I think they realize it more and more.

This isn't to argue that EVERYONE should automatically have kids, but kids are easier than many middle-class American parents believe. The book at the link is called Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids, and it might be worth reading.

As for the OP: The question is really, "Do you and/or your BF want kids in the next two years?" Since the answer is "No" ("The good thing is he wants to wait several years to even start thinking seriously about a family as we are both quite young"), keep dating him and don't worry about it. I also hate to say this, but there's a decent shot you'll break up for other reasons before the kids issue comes up.

Read this book. It is great. It will really help come to terms with that.


The Conscious Parent

> Now how many do you think would have seen us together and assumed I was fetishizing her and that she hated Asian men or whatever the suggestion is. Someone who applies those assumptions on the regular would have seen me with her, at a party or just walking down the street, buying groceries together, and just have that belief re-enforced, despite being wrong in this case.

I don't assume that.

> "Seems to be a trend" is a bit of a cop out, an apology to absolve one of the intellectually lazy, shallow, negative generalizations that are about to follow.

Wouldn't you say that it's a trend that the_donald is often transphobic or islamaphobic? There is a new dude from /r/the_donald saying they have a traditional wife but "will be well rounded kids with no identity issues." Maybe twice a week? If you don't believe me come join the sub. Do I think all white guys dating asian girls fetishize them? No. That would be grossly hypocritical. I have a white ex.

> but is anyone really benefiting from a conversation that seems to revolve around and reinforce these generalizations?

Is it radical to ask couple to analyze why they are together and to make sure it isn't because of internalized racism or fetish and to make sure it truly is of love? Better couples with internalized racism or fetish don't have kids. It's not a good home environment. Racist people are not competent to raise mixed race children. They will only make their children's lives miserable.

Who is benefiting, I would say future hapa kids who are born from the a toxic environment need people to relate to and become comfortable in their racial identity, it's one place you won't be othered for being hapa. I would say it's a community by hapas for hapas mainly.

Oh and it's also benefitting future parents. There have been several threads asking for advise to what people thought their parents got right and got wrong and how to help raise a healthy mixed kid. Making sure people have access to hapa representation and common mistakes is also important. These are great booksr on raising mixed race.

http://www.amazon.com/Part-Asian-100-Hapa-Fulbeck/dp/0811849597?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Mixed-Race-Multiracial-Post-Racial/dp/1138999466?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Sharon Chang (a hapa) wrote a great book about raising half asian kids:

https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Mixed-Race-Multiracial-Post-Racial/dp/1138999466/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1482567027&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=sharon+chang

She also has a blog here:

http://multiasianfamilies.blogspot.com/

This sub is a little crazy for everyone, pretty much TLDR: kids of white male and asian women deal with self esteem issues while growing up. While kids of white women and asian men usually don't.

Argh! Bilingual children can have language delays too, and they deserve treatment just as much as monolingual children. Experts disagreecon whether bilingual children might show some delay 'on average', but are pretty much unanimous that the minimum norms (intervention norms) should be the same (but assessed appropriately, so for word count, add up both languages, for sentence length, take the strongest language).

That said, with your son understanding eveything, there is not much cause for concern yet. Generally children under two don't get therapy for lack of speech unless there are comprehension problems as well (after checking for hearing problems first). I'd say wait until your child is two and if your child is not making two word sentences by then, ask the doctor or a referral for a full speech and autism evaluation.

One book that I've seen highly recommended (but haven't read) is http://www.amazon.com/It-Takes-Two-Talk-Practical/dp/0921145195

Being understood is so important to toddlers! I don't think your child's behaviour is abnormal. But I don't think you will know for certain until your child is in (pre)school. Parents often 'miss' an autism or ADHD diagnoses because they themselves are slightly on the same spectrum as their child and their idea of normal is shifted.

Fantastic gift. Here’s a book to go with your new aesthetic

If you are interested in having children yourself, or already have children I have read a wonderful book combining the nature/nurture debate and parenting. "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids." http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X

It uses nothing but repeatable scientific studies to deliver the facts, and then draws some pretty unprecedented conclusions. Very educational.

Utah passed a Free Range parenting law last year which I was glad to see. As others have pointed out here, it's practically nil that a child will be abducted by a stranger. It's much more likely that a child will grow up to be afraid of the world, living with anxiety about her chances of having something happen to her.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/29/well/family/utah-passes-free-range-parenting-law.html

This is a great book about the movement to let kids grow up without irrational fears.

https://www.amazon.com/Free-Range-Raise-Self-Reliant-Children-Without/dp/0470574755

From the Amazon description: FREE RANGE KIDS has become a national movement, sparked by the incredible response to Lenore Skenazy's piece about allowing her 9-year-old ride the subway alone in NYC. Parent groups argued about it, bloggers, blogged, spouses became uncivil with each other, and the media jumped all over it.

My husband loved this. It's well written by an ex soldier now stay at home Dad.

It's funny but not patronising.

Clearly written & gave him so great advice about what to expect & how to support me after birth, through breastfeeding etc

Commando Dad: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849532613/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_42vuybAPXQHW3

Here's a link to a book that details other parents experience of there children's "coming out" sessions with the family. Might have some good points to help you in your situation.
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Acceptance-Parents-Lesbians-Experiences/dp/0312167814

This looks like the card that came with this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Free-Range-Raise-Self-Reliant-Children-Without/dp/0470574755

But that card is in color. Much nicer.

I'm going to use this thread to rep Lenore Skenazy's book "Free Range Kids".

Skenazy is the former columnist who let her 8 year old son ride the NY subway home at his request with a subway map, a cell phone, and $20. The only problem that he had was some woman who grabbed him, and shouted that he shouldn't be by himself.

I highly recommend the book, it puts childhood in its proper perspective, and not the skewed perspective that the 24-hour news cycle has given us today. Often the concepts that she suggests are met with "but you can't allow kids to do that! Not today at least...". Well, what's different about today? Other people will be more judgemental?

Other people are wrong.

Also on a more hopeful note: Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) Paperback – April 19, 2010

Elevating Childcare is what I started with.

She also has a blog/website with lots of great resources.

Found some potentials, however, I have not read them:
Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing
Out of a Far Country
When Homosexuality Hits Home
Prayers for Bobby <- Risky pick due to the nature of the content
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians & Gays Talk About Their Experiences
A Mother Looks At The Gay Child

Absolutely. Perhaps it was due to intentional ingestion of mushrooms or other psychedelics. Some theorize that our ancestors may have been under the influence of psychedelics when they saw God - "The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross". Terrance McKenna theorized that mushrooms were responsible for the emergence of language. Google Stoned Ape Theory.

I think 'free range kids' got a mention:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Free-Range-Kids-Self-Reliant-Children-Without/dp/0470574755

(or was that Haidt?)

This is one of the absolute best parenting books out there. Most of them are complete garbage. Be warned of that.

https://www.amazon.com/Elevating-Child-Care-Respectful-Parenting/dp/1499103670/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1N4N3K0R7NG5THTXS8Q8

This book has helped me immensely for a number of years with my 'spirited' daughter.

Raising your Spirited Child

Perhaps. Although I hate to generalize a group of people, but that is likely true.

Although I don't really blame them, I blame the environment they grew up in as described here:

How children lost the right to roam in four generations

Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids

Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)

Free-Range Kids - Blog

I see people moving in two directions at once, backward as you describe, not just limited to kids but adults that have desk jobs and work overtime. At the same time we have people pushing the envelop, doing extreme sports or 'silent sports' like biking, kayaking, cross-country skiing, but those people are much fewer in number by comparison.

A friend (who works with children and whose opinion I trust) read and liked ["Parenting the Defiant Child"] (http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419880497&sr=8-1&keywords=defiant+child) when she was struggling with her 11 year old daughter.

It would be for you to read, not your son.

For the teen years, my favorite is "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall"

https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535/

I have heard good things about this new book about raising multiracial Asian children but it has a very strident tone. Also if your child asks about race discuss multiracial role models.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Mixed-Race-Multiracial-Post-Racial/dp/1138999466

I skimmed the comments and didn't see this yet, but I apologize if it's a duplicate. I'm in the process of reading this book, Free Range Kids, which is about exactly this!

This actually exists, though I have no idea if it's any good. I haven't read it, just stumbled on its existence a while ago.

>I'm also skeptical of, or at least biased against, the idea that my wife married me for social-status reasons. She's far from socially undesirable herself, and is smart enough to get into a medical specialty that'll allow her a far higher income than mine in a few years.

Just the fact that she has higher earning potential than you, solidifies my bias that Asian women marry for whiteness. Whiteness itself is social status is a racist world. A lot of the stories in this subreddit are of Asian women who had high status, marrying down for white men. Just this past month, there was this Ivy league-educated woman from an upper class family marrying a deadbeat cook. There's also this woman who had a masters degree and came from a wealthy Chinese family who was bankrolling her deadbeat white boyfriend who ended up killing her. The definition of internalized white supremacy that leads to WMAF means that Asian women will hold lower standards for white men, because having a white spouse and future white kids is something thats valued by these women. Yea, your case is not as extreme as the two I mentioned, but this is the racist world we live in that you benefit from as a white man.

For anyone who plans on having half-Asian kids, I will always recommend this book by Sharon H. Chang: Raising Mixed Race: Multiracial Asian Children in a Post-Racial World, and her talk. The author is hapa herself, married a hapa, and has a hapa son, and her book published last year is the most comprehensive work out there on mixed Asians. You should understand that your children will considered Asian by society, as dictated by white society, but they will struggle to identify as Asian too. They will have little to no representation, and as parents of hapas who are monoracial, you should educate yourself, instead of blindly believing myths like that your kid will not face racism, that people will not constantly be questioning your children's label to them to rank them in society based on how white or how Asian they look.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0936197447/ref=pd_cp_0_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7G1BEWHP8Y416QJKXJ4T



https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535

How Children Learn by John Holt. It might change forever how she perceives and teaches her pupils.

This might not quite be your speed, but How Children Fail and How Children Learn by John Holt both have had a profound influence on my career choices and approach as a teacher.

Also, while technically a parenting book, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk is the backbone of my classroom management approach.

I gave my dad Matt Kailey's guide for parents of adult children. http://www.amazon.com/My-Child-Transgender-Parents-Children-ebook/dp/B00867Y6OU/ref=la_B001JS16J6_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1413304647&sr=1-5

Mushrooms of the north east

Buying these... just finished Beyond Acceptance... It really helped me understand where my parents are at... and kinda where they're coming from.

Also see this book The Mushroom and the Sacred Cross.

Edit: I forgot to put [funny] in the title.

Relevant

OP should read Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy. It really opened our eyes when we had our child.

Try http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826

Stepmonster was great. I read half the damn book to FH. May I recommend some books for parents of preteens in general--may help you understand why she is the way she is.

Get out of my life!

Untangled

My personality type dictates that I have a really hard time sympathizing with people. I did a shit ass job of trying to understand my SD12's feelings for like three years. I also resented her and had too much anger directed at her instead of where it was supposed to go (myself for how I reacted to her). Finally all clicked for me a year ago and I read a lot of books to get me to that point (I was also against having children....until I met her!) Good luck and hang in there.

It's also the fault of your genetics, for what it's worth:

http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X

(so say adoption and twin studies)

Raising Mixed Race: Multiracial Asian Children in a Post-Racial World (New Critical Viewpoints on Society) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1138999466/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_xqp-wbGP6GQAV

Someone on here suggested "Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?" and I read it this past week. I definitely found it useful. There were chapters that were almost word for word things he said he "wished he knew what to do" about. There were a couple parts that I read out loud to DH and he kind of dismissed me. I told him that he should read it and he was not interested at all. It's frustrating because yes, my son is a lot younger and DH is a more experienced parent, but at the same time- I have experience working with teenagers (education). Not to mention, I used to be a teenage girl who had some of the same behaviors that are frustrating him. Sometimes I think he just wants to complain about a problem more than solve it.

That makes a lot of sense. There is a writer that contends that Jesus was actually a Psilocybin mushroom. His name escapes me at the moment however he wrote a serious historical account of this. Also Terence McKenna has mentioned more than once that the sacrament in the Roman Catholic tradition is actually fake and the the mushroom was/is the real sacrament.

Edit: it might be this book

I recently bought Mushrooms of the Northeast: A Simple Guide to Common Mushrooms (Mushroom Guides)
Marrone, Teresa and not happy about it

I think next time i'll buy Boletes of Eastern North America i hope it"s less generic. (it's the shame there is no preview of couple pages)

Welcome to Helicopter Parenting. Parents today provide no room for their children to grow as people, and it's only getting worse.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nation-wimps/201401/helicopter-parenting-its-worse-you-think

https://www.amazon.com/Free-Range-Raise-Self-Reliant-Children-Without/dp/0470574755

And if they don't do it, the state usually steps in.

Sad.

Hate the source. This seems to be an argument for free range parenting which I think there is a very good argument for. But it isn't this article.

There has been a trend, though. Long story short, it's related to the rise of the Sunday Night Movie and "White Women in Peril" and the ascendancy of stranger danger as entertainment. "America's Most Wanted" accelerated the trend with the constant presence of Adam Walsh's son's ghost.

Lenore Skenazy documents the collapse of outdoor play and its reasons in a couple chapters in Free Range Kids.

The author of the article has a highly-rated book, Free Range Kids.

> FREE RANGE KIDS has become a national movement, sparked by the incredible response to Lenore Skenazy's piece about allowing her 9-year-old ride the subway alone in NYC. Parent groups argued about it, bloggers, blogged, spouses became uncivil with each other, and the media jumped all over it. A lot of parents today, Skenazy says, see no difference between letting their kids walk to school and letting them walk through a firing range. Any risk is seen as too much risk. But if you try to prevent every possible danger or difficult in your child?s everyday life, that child never gets a chance to grow up. We parents have to realize that the greatest risk of all just might be trying to raise a child who never encounters choice or independence.

^ I remember reading about that story a while ago and wishing that my parents had taken a page out of her book.

I'd also make the same criticism of my school/education experience. My education was "touristified," to use a term coined by Nassim Taleb in his book Antifragile, which, in my view, prevented me from being able to learn as much as I would have been able to otherwise.

My son is also "spirited," though in slightly different ways. I've found Raising Your Spirited Child really helpful. "Spirited" kids are intense and it takes a lot out of you. I'm a SAHM but we had to put my son into part-time preschool because I just couldn't handle him 24/7. I will say the more exercise he gets the better his behavior is. When he was two he could walk a mile or two at a time, hike up easy mountains, etc. and it took that much exertion to zap the energy he would otherwise put into tantrums.

As for the screaming: I would say it's a phase, even though it's been months. My son didn't scream but he whined all day long. I told him I wouldn't do what he wanted unless he asked in a "big boy voice" and then demonstrated what that sounded like. The most important part is not giving in to the screams.

My son is now approaching 4 and we feel that he's struggling with some sort of anxiety. Since both you and your wife have anxiety it's not impossible that the screaming is just his terrible coping mechanism for his own anxiety.

As far as a break, would he watch cartoons? Daniel Tiger or old school Mister Rogers are fantastic. Daniel Tiger especially focuses on social education. Maybe start with the "Grown-ups come back" episode in case he's still struggling with separation anxiety?