(Part 3) Reddit mentions: The best psychology & counseling books

I agree with @AParanoidEmu, you have a good chance of upping this number. I'd get a copy of the school's statistic on the $72,500 to back it up at the negotiating table. I'd counter offer with higher than $72,500 myself.

If you have higher than average GPA or if you had internships involved in AE, definitely go higher than the average!

If the average of $72,500 is OK with you, you can let yourself be negotiated down to that or even to $70K if that's acceptable to you (I don't know why it would be).

Also know what amount you will walk from (walk from the negotiation entire with a "Sorry, but buh-bye, no deal"). There is always such a level - personally I'd put the walk-away threshold at $72,500 but I'm a risk-thriving person, always had internships and high GPA in school, etc.

Other tips - sorry, yet another Wall of Text:

All negotiations have a similar structure and set of rules. Basically you have a "game" played with each side having a turn with 3 options:

• Stay in the game, accept offered bid, game ends
  
• Stay in the game, make counter-bid (including a null-bid, same-as-last-time), game continues
  
• Get out of the game (walk away), game ends
  
  This is bootstrapped by a opening bid made by one of the two sides. The game iterates until the game ends. BTW ALL economic transactions and romantic/sexual relationships are also negotiations exactly the same as this. Something to think about if you aren't getting laid regularly or if you are in a bad relationship.
  
  All you have to do is know what you are willing to accept, counter or walk from. These are determined by stakes (pay, benefits, commitments, etc.) and resource levels (your time to play the game and money opportunity cost of playing). You should always enter any negotiation knowing what these thresholds are ahead of time.
  
  You can determine the thresholds based on
  
  

1. comparables (what others that are "comparable" are paid) - like how houses are initially bid, or
   
   
2. your own financial needs (cost-based pricing, your cash flow costs and obligations) which usually "leaves money on the table" in their favor
   
   
3. your intuition and opinion of what you are worth and what you think they will accept ("what the market will bear" which is not "provable" except empirically but is just as reasonable as anything for a negotiation - you have to be brave enough to be able to "walk" based on your intuition/opinion about this) - this is actually the maximizing solution and also the one that requires the most knowledge/research and risk.
   
   The party offering money (aka Buyer) should always low-ball their initial offer and counter-offers. The party offering non-money (aka Seller) should always high-ball their initial offer and counter-offers. This has to do with the fungibility of money over pretty much all else - it's bias in the power relationship.
   
   It also is the only way for both parties to find the deal "intuitively/emotionally acceptable"; go in the "wrong direction" and "non-monotonic counter-offer progression" and there will be "sour grapes" on one side even after the deal is closed which will often cause problems down the road.
   
   Also related to this: the point is not to close the negotiation quickly. This actually both signals, and is in fact an indication of, a side's situational/negotiation weakness. Aka "Blood in the water". You have time (unless you don't) so having several iterations of the above game is a good thing.
   
   In other words, your 1st counter offer should be obviously unacceptable with the expectation it will be rejected and trigger a counter-offer but not a "walk away" on their side: above the Buyer's "Reasonable Zone" but below the Buyer's "Insult Zone" in the Buyer's "Credible Zone" (see PDF below). The "Insult Zone" is where a side is jarred to the point where they realize they are wasting their time playing the game and should walk away (quit).
   
   And the $66K should be obviously unacceptable to you - nearly in if not in your "Insult Zone". I'd say $80K is still in the Buyer's Credible Zone, possibly in the high Reasonable Zone. I'd guess the $66k is actually the Buyer's "Top Line" offer.
   
   So you iterate with their offer to your counter offer (and assuming they reject $80K):
   
   ---
   
   "So you won't do $80K. What can you offer that is better than $66K. BTW, the recent historic salaries of MSAE graduates from my school has averaged $72,500."
   
   lay a print-out of the schools statistics on the table
   
   "I've had internships between terms which means I have more experience that your average graduate. I also have a very good, above average GPA."
   
   lay your resume on the table
   
   "So I while my $80K number is quite fair IMO, what can you do instead?"
   
   And they counter-counter-offer with a new number (the game continues, now with them having the idea that your "Bottom Line" is closer to $72,500) or they "null" counter offer ("we can't go above $66K"). Again, what is your "walk away" threshold? I'd definitely walk at this point unless there are significant non-money things they can counter with, but that's me.
   
   So consider asking/proposing for things that aren't cash money to pad you initial or counter offers (especially if they null offer below your walk away threshold). This could include benefits or it could be vacations or sabbaticals or trade/academic conference trips or perks a nice window office and an equipment budget.
   
   "OK so you can't go above $66K. I really liked the folks I interviewed with and it seems like a good work environment, but I can't accept that salary. Maybe there are other benefits you can offer to make up for the gap in your salary offer. "
   
   This is a not subtle dig (and quite intentional, but nicely framed) which they should pick up on and put them on the defensive, at least in their minds. They want to be liked because you just said you liked them BUT - you put the BUT in their mouths based on what they said/offered which says they are not reciprocating with your liking them. You may pick up on it in body language. Being put on the defense will cause them to agree to things they may not normally agree or plan to; that's a good thing. Just get it in writing.
   
   "You normally offer 2 weeks of vacation per year after a 6 month probation period: how about we nullify the probation completely and you give me 4 week of vacation per year immediately. That works out to $2640 extra per year effectively."
   
   That bumps you up to $68,640 right there. Their objection will be that the "salary curve doesn't allow that" to which you can say "So let's make a new position, title and salary curve then" which BTW I've had done for me in the past!! It is possible but it requires imagination and authority on their part - another possible "walk away criteria". I used 50 weeks because that's when you'd normally be working for them productively with 2 weeks vacation. But before they can answer...
   
   "There are 3 professional conferences I'd like to regularly attend. If you guaranteed my annual attendance with hotel, transportation and meals for myself and my wife/SO, that would be another $6K per year. I'd be willing to pick up the expenses for my wife other than the hotel, transportation and meals, of course."
   
   Obviously you need to be prepared for all of this with your own numbers. It's like studying for an exam you'd actually like to pass, right? Did you notice the sleight-of-hand on getting your wife/SO covered? Of course the "extra expense" both quite reasonable and costing you nothing but it only seems fair to include the other things for her since she is affected by their offer gap also and they need to make up the gap in their offer somehow.
   
   "And to really do my job here well, I'd really need to have the new Acme Boundary-layer Characterization System 5000 in my lab and plenty of computing power to drive the analysis. If you could provide that I have one of those, say, within the next 2-3 months, and give me a $200K/year capital budget, I could ignore the remaining difference in salary from what I think is perfectly reason and acceptable as an industry norm."
   
   Get this in writing also. And the benefit to them is that they get to keep the Acme 5000 and any capital anyway and it help them with a productivity issue. So it doesn't actually cost them and might be nearly a sunk cost anyway. But it will make your work life so much easier and more pleasant.
   
   ---
   
   There are so many negotiation tricks I'm using above I can't really gory detail them here. Get a copy of Cohen and Caldini, read them, think about this situation in the context of these books. Also look at this negotiation PDF, especially the "7 secret weapons" (from Caldini IIRC).
   
   Get these non-money things in writing as part of closing the deal. Ideally in the final offer letter or in a written employment agreement your write for them yourself if they won't write it in or they wiggle with "we can handle this later".
   
   If they throw out the idea of a formal written agreement to the extras then minimally write a "letter/memorandum of understanding" that says the same basic thing and certified mail it to them. If you have a friend who's a lawyer, ask him/her to send it to the company for you on firm letterhead.
   
   A MOU/LOU of understanding isn't as strong as a contract but it does have significant legal standing so you can at least use it as a negotiating tool later on if you need to - particularly if they go back on the agreed terms and you need to bitch-slap them to get them back on track.
   

I am obsessed. Here is my current collection:

Most of these you can find on thepiratebay / etc, but I own a hard copy of all of these except for The Mystery Method, which I read probably 5 times before I found Magic Bullets (actually don't own that either, just the pdf). I'll add to this list if I think of more.

Must Reads:

Magic Bullets - Savoy ==>> [Torrent] it's expensive!

• This book is so excellent. It's like a PUA encyclopedia. It walks you through the process, and cites every major text along the way.. none of this "my way works best" crap, but not afraid to make judgments either. For pickup books that employ some form of the M3 Model (however loosely.. which I think means: everyone except Ross Jeffries), this is the authoritative text. If you have an approach that is proven, important, and credible, then it is probably cited in this book.
  
  Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
  
  
• I got this book because it is #1 on this list. Turns out, it is the modern version of Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People (see review below).. only this time, it's by someone who knows a thing or two about applied psychology (which either didn't exist back then, or was too under-developed to matter). This guy freaking went undercover as a used car salesman, working with fundraisers, etc. Interestingly enough, I bought this book in the same order as The Game, and in chapter 1 Strauss mentions reading Cialdini's book to prepare for a trip to Belgrade with Mystery, which was his formal introduction into the PUA community.
  
  The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
  
  
• I'm not done with this one yet, but I will say this: if you have a conscience, don't read this. It really is a fascinating study of seduction, but it does focus on seduction as a tool to victimize people.. That said, unlike your typical pick-up type book which does not bother to categorize gamers' personality types, this book categorizes different "types" of seducers. This is extremely helpful because you can figure out what type of seducer fits you best, and what things you need to focus on to improve your game.
  
  How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie
  
  
• This book has sold over 15 million copies. It was originally written in 1937, but has been revised once or twice since it became the best selling self-help type book of all time, which it probably still is. He walks you through the basic principles of how to motivate people.. what works, what doesn't.. etc. Fun, easy, captivating read. It looks thick, but I think I unintentionally read it cover to cover in one sitting the first time I read it in college.. so it's a quick read.
  
  
  Should reads:
  
  The Game - Neil Strauss
  
  
• I think this is one of the best selling pick-up type books. I liked reading it, but it was less of a tutorial book and more of an autobiography.. it does get the job done though. It also is a very entertaining read, and if you doubt that PUA stuff actually works, this will prove to you otherwise because Strauss was a very timid and ugly mofo, but he fucked Jenna Jameson.
  
  The Mystery Method : How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed - Mystery, Chris Odom, Neil Strauss
  
  
• This introduced me into the world of PUA my senior year of college when I inadvertently stumbled upon a torrent of it (I was probably looking for something to jerk off to. How poetic). I downloaded it just to skim through it skeptically, but this book eventually introduced me to a whole new world. This is an excellent staple / beginner's text, even though I now recommend Magic Bullets because it is so much more objective and inclusive of alternate styles and approaches along the way.
  
  How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed - Ross Jeffries
  
  
• Not done with this yet, but Ross Jeffries is a freak (not meant to be insulting to him). I have no doubt that his methods are effective, but they are very different. And he really seems a bit evil, as opposed to merely mischievous like most other PUAs are. I haven't decided how incompatible, if not just different, his methods are with the Mystery / Strauss crowd.. but then again, I have never field tested any of his methods myself.
  
  Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation - Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kim Johnson
  
  
• A close friend of mine who studied improv in New York lent me this, and I forgot about it until recently -- but it is a very short but brilliant book about comedy. I'm listening now to David DeAngelo's Cock Comedy series, and I realized that almost everything he's saying is straight out of this little text. It's not really something essential for pick-up, which is why I wouldn't put it in Must Reads, but it is excellent nonetheless.
  
  
  Meh, they're alright:
  
  The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction - Mystery, Neil Strauss
  
  
• You can definitely get some good stuff out of this book, but the whole thing comes across as an excuse for Mystery to brag about how awesome he is. He seriously spends an entire chapter (maybe more) telling a story about him bragging to other PUAs. He does deserve it though, the man is the single most influential PUA ever, if not the most successful in the field.
  
  Rules of the Game - Neil Strauss
  
  
• This is one of those books that you read once a day for 30 days, and write down statements of intent right in the book like "it is my goal to lose my virginity before my next birthday in 3 months." Probably good for beginners, but I skimmed through this after having been gaming in the field for several months.
  
  Haven't read yet:
  
  What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People - Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins
  
  
• This looks really good.
  
  NLP: The New Technology of Achievement - NLP Comprehensive
  
  Easy Mind-Reading Tricks - Robert Mandelberg, Ferruccio Sardella
  
  Palm Reading for Beginners: Find Your Future in the Palm of Your Hand (For Beginners (Llewellyn's)) - Richard Webster
  
  There are also some good videos out there (links are to torrents. these are all several hundred $$):
  
  
  Excellent Videos
  
  The Annihilation Method - Neil Strauss
  
  
• I met a guy who said he was looking around his apartment for things to sell so he could afford the $375 this costs. apparently he didn't think to check thepiratebay ;)
  
  Mystery and Style
  
  
• The videos of Mystery in here are just excellent. It's very interesting to see Mystery actually interacting with other people (not in a set), since he is the god of pick-up.
  
  Decent Videos
  
  Psychic Influence - Ross Jeffries
  
  
• This is interesting.. I'm not much of a Jeffries guy though, mostly because he's the most oddball of the group, and I haven't studied his material enough.

I'm working on my MA right now, and this term I've taken a writing seminar for academic publishing.

This class has changed my life.

This book and this book were required for the class, and they have been really, REALLY helpful to me.

If you get the books, just ignore the parts that aren't relevant for you. "How to Write a Lot" is specifically about academic publication in the field of Psychology, but it is written in a way that is clear, makes sense, and relates way more to building better work/study habits than it deals specifically with publication. It's worth getting just for the parts that will be relevant to you.

Belcher's work-book is less relevant, but it has a lot of great advice on how to write better papers, and it covers pretty much every discipline.

You should seriously spend the $10 on "How to Write a Lot," you won't regret it. In case you don't...

How to Stop Procrastinating and Study More

For me, the problem was "writer's block." For you it's procrastination. They are two different names for the same thing. The solution to them sounds extremely unpleasant... until you try it.

You have to study every day. Yes, every day.

Currently, if you are like how I have been for about the last 20 years, you wait until a few days before your test or class or whatever, and then you spend hours upon hours studying until you are exhausted and pretty much hate whatever you were studying, right? If you get around to studying at all?

Stop doing that.

You know what kind of person you are, morning person, night owl, whatever.

Want to make it easier on yourself? Spend the next week recording everything you do over the course of every day- every hour should be accounted for. You don't have to share this with anyone, so if you spent an hour jerking it... well... that's fine, but it's probably time better spent studying.

When you do this, you will find that you are not as busy as you feel like you are. You probably have one hour from every day that you could use to do something more productive.

Even if you only use half an hour every day for studying, doing it EVERY DAY is what is essential. You have to turn the process of binge-studying and procrastination into a daily habit.

If you are like me, this sounds absurd, and you are probably thinking you aren't going to do this because it sounds stupid and won't work.

That was what I thought, until I did it.

I thought, "but I can't just MAKE myself write (study), I have to be in the mood for it."

No, you don't. If you do it every day you will find out it's actually really easy to pick things up and put them back down again, once you know it will happen every day.

It ceases to be some stressful thing you have to actively think of and remember to do.

If you KNOW that from 3pm to 4pm every weekday, you will be studying, then it becomes completely natural to pick up your books, work at things for a while, and then put them away at the end of it and move on to whatever else you want to do for the day.

"But I won't remember what I was working on."

Yes, you will. You don't remember what you study from your marathon sessions because you can't process that much shit at once.

If you spend about an hour every day on it, it becomes much more easy and natural to recall what you were studying. In fact, you will probably find yourself thinking about it more often than you ever would have expected of yourself.

"But people interrupt me."

Of course they do, people interrupt everything. But you don't say "I'm too busy to go to work/class," because that's absurd. It's an obligation, so you do it.

You need to jealously guard your study time. I'm not saying you can't be flexible and shift things around to be most convenient for you, but if you have your dedicated "study time" blocked off and a friend wants to go party, tell them you can't, but in an hour you'll be free.

Your friends are horrible influences. They WILL try to get you to do fun things instead. Mine did, and most of the time I listened to them.

Now, I don't. I get my shit done, and I feel immensely less stressed because of it. The time I invest on writing rarely ever actually interferes with plans I have made, or even spur-of-the-moment stuff that comes up.

"But I'm busy every Saturday/sunday/Whatever."

That's fine. Take a day off, have a day where you just enjoy yourself and don't study, but make sure that you develop a schedule for studying, and stick to it. Make it a time you know works well for you.

Lastly, your "study time" doesn't have to be strictly you, cramming from books, day after day. Use this time to work on homework, to organize your notes, to work on all of the shit that is related to studying that you need to work on, including studying itself. Studying is the act of studying, sure, but "studying" also includes working on homework, emailing professors, contacting peers you study with, organizing notes; whatever you can think of that is tied into the process of studying, this is your dedicated time to do that stuff.

Some days, you just won't feel up to cracking open the books, and that's fine. Use that day to organize your notes, or email your teacher that question you've been wondering about, or whatever. What, specifically, you do, is less important than blocking off the time so you can work on what you need to work on. Some days WILL be less productive than others, and that's okay, because you will be studying again tomorrow, and you can make up for it tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever; the point is, since you aren't procrastinating and binging on studying all at once, you KNOW that you will have regularly scheduled time to work on things.

__

As far as how to actually study better, being organized and breaking tasks into groups of things that need to be done helps, but ultimately the best way to do this is read up about different things people do, different strategies/techniques, and try them out. Some will work for you, some won't. I'm a visual/tactile learner, if I write something down it tends to stick; if I hear it and don't write it down, it's gone.




I'm at work right now, but I'll be heading home soon, if you are interested I can put some of the material from the book up here for you, so let me know if you'd like that.

You're definitely not the only one. I was a strict conservative Christian for ten years until age 26, when I started to question and deconstruct my old beliefs. I also started to embrace my identity as a sapphic woman to a greater degree around that time. I had known for a few years that I was bisexual but believed I was required to be celibate and could only have platonic partnerships with women.

I also dated a woman and explored sex for the first time at age 26 which was an amazing experience for me. It helped that the woman I explored with had been friends for me for nearly a year by that time so we were close and I felt 100% safe and accepted with her. Getting comfortable with masturbation, self-pleasure and sex toys was a great place to start before I ever tried having actual sex with a real person. You can order them online if you feel awkward going into a sex shop. I'd recommend exploring your body and getting comfortable with pleasuring yourself.

If you're really nervous about dating or having sex, perhaps you could start by making some LGBT friends on the apps? Or maybe joining a local LGBT meet up group? I started off by finding a few platonic cuddle buddies through r/cuddlebuddies and other websites before I got comfortable with actual dating.

Here are some resources that might help as well:

For sexual health and sex education: Scarleteen

This article in particular is great: Figuring Out How to be a Lesbian Safer Expert

General tips for dating women: How To Be A Girl Who Dates Girls: Your Syllabus For Lesbian Dating 101

Finding other sapphic women: 10 Queer Women Reveal Where They Go To Meet Women, & It’s Really Great Advice

For flirting tips: A How-To Guide on Flirting

You might find the following books relevant to your situation:

Conscious Lesbian Dating

Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion

​

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.


I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.


Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.


>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.


Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.


If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.


>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.


Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.


>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.


Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.


Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?


Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed


Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works

Freakonomics

Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird


Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives


Empathy Building:


Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.



Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.



All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

You might want to check out Khan Academy, which provides entirely free online courses on a huge range of subjects.

On evolution, Stated Clearly is an outstanding series of videos that break it down very simply and straightforwardly (and they're made by an ex-Christian whose education about evolution was part of his reason for leaving the religion). If you're interested in a book, the best I've seen -- and in fact maybe the best popular science book I've ever read -- is Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne. It would certainly be enough to help you decide if you'd like to read more.

If you're interested in neuroscience and the brain you might want to read How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker or The Tell-Tale Brain by V. S. Ramachandran, both of which are wide-ranging and accessibly written.

Finally, you can just search for "best science books" (or similar phrases) -- you'll find plenty of lists out there of the best books of all time, the past year, the past decade and so on. You can't go wrong just reading the top few, or if there's an area you find yourself more drawn to you can focus on that.

Above all, focus on the positive and enjoy the process of learning about these things, because it's an absolutely fascinating world out there. Have fun!

I had written a huge heartfelt reply and while trying to post links to several books I read, I accidentally closed the tab. :( Major fail.

Anyway, here are the books I read after my year of begging for my faith to return:

"God: Hit or Myth?" by Rober Ingersoll

"Why I am Not a Christian" by Richard Carrier

["Why We Believe in God"] (http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Believe-God-Concise/dp/0984493212/ref=pd_sim_b_21) by J. Anderson Thomson and Clare Aukofer

My Story
I started out not just Catholic but very Catholic. I was very involved in the faith clubs at my Catholic high school. I insisted on attended a Catholic college. I spent each summer during college helping run a Catholic version of VBS called Totus Tuus. We went to a different parish each week running these camps. It was exhausting and very fulfilling. I was totally high on Jesus and even convinced I was supposed to be a nun.

However, I was also a theatre student at my very Catholic college. And many of the other students found fault with some of our productions and show posters. For more on that, I point you to an old blog post of mine. In short, it really sucked. Despite being a very model of Catholicism, I was still on the receiving end of some very uncharitable attitudes, words, and actions. I started to get bitter. And that opened me up to questioning Church teaching. After all, you can't go far in theatre without making friends with a few gays! :) And I couldn't bear to think that they didn't deserve to be happy just because they preferred a coupling that couldn't naturally produce children. A seed of doubt and resistance was planted.

I moved back to my hometown after college, and started spending time with my best friend, her fiance, and his best friend. We'd all gone to high school together but I hadn't spent much time with these guys before. This other guy and I mesh really well together and have nearly identical thought patterns. I couldn't move on with becoming a nun without seeing if this was something special. I tirelessly pursued him until he gave in and started dating me. ^_^ Then, I lost my virginity to him. I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen, but my world didn't come crumbling down when I broke that big rule. I started to realize I could think for myself and make my own decisions. And, maybe I shouldn't be lazy and just let the Church tell me how to live. I needed to be accountable for my own actions, words, and beliefs. I couldn't just blame it on the Church for telling me what to do. (A little reminiscent of Nazis just following orders...)

Anyway, we eventually stopped going to Church because I was just sick of it. But I waffled back and forth on Catholicism for awhile. (After all, it was a huge part of my life!) I let my mom convince me that we wanted a Catholic wedding, so we had one. But I spent the next year praying for faith with no response from the Almighty. At that point, I borrowed the books mentioned above and broke free. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to battle any more. I had peace. And it brought greater peace to my marriage. (The hubby never wanted to be Catholic, even since childhood.) We've moved to the west coast and are raising our daughters out here, away from constant religious pressures from both of our families. I've never been happier.

tl;dr Was a super Catholic, questioned teachings on homosexuality, lost virginity, explored atheism, and broke free!

Almost done reading "Brain Rules for Baby", and have really enjoyed it so far. Covers the babies brain development from in the womb and how the mother's diet, stress, etc. effect it all the way to the best way to physiologically teach and help develop you child's mind in the first few years.

http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/0983263302

You’ll learn:

• Where nature ends and nurture begins
  
  
• Why men should do more household chores
  
  
• What you do when emotions run hot affects how your baby turns out, because babies need to feel safe
  above all
  
  
• TV is harmful for children under 2
  
  
• Your child’s ability to relate to others predicts her future math performance
  
  
• Smart and happy are inseparable. Pursuing your child’s intellectual success at the expense of his happiness achieves neither
  
  
• Praising effort is better than praising intelligence
  
  
• The best predictor of academic performance is not IQ. It’s self-control
  
  
• What you do right now—before pregnancy, during pregnancy, and through the first five years—will affect your children for the rest of their lives.
  
  

I’ve been reading Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You by Sam Gosling and it is very interesting. I think people on this sub would like it since we all like snooping around and dissecting information haha. It’s almost like MTV’s Room Raiders but from a doctorate in psychology’s viewpoint. There’s subconscious meaning behind what types of pictures you hang on your walls and even which walls you hang said pictures on. He can go through someone’s room and paint a pretty accurate portrayal of their personality without ever meeting them. I would think it would be a good read if you’re dating around and want to get a better feel for someone haha. I’m only a few chapters in but it’s very interesting so far!!

I found out about Snoop because it was mentioned in another book I’ve been reading Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat by Hal Herzog. It’s a book on anthrozoology and talks about the history humans have had with animals, and some moral conundrums we have about them. Are we instinctually afraid of snakes or is it learned behavior? Do people really look like their dogs? (This one was interesting! Human couples that live together start to develop similar facial structures. That’s not true with dogs. We don’t start to look like our dogs but we may pick dogs that look like us. Women with shorter hair are more likely to adopt dogs with perky ears instead of floppy. And students were able to match humans with their dogs with a higher accuracy rate than they would by just random chance). Why do some cultures eat bugs but we think that’s gross, or why do some cultures eat animals that we keep as pets? They talk about the infamous trolly problem and replace it with animals and you can see your own morals start to shift and be questioned. With humans you’d think it’s better to pull the lever to save 5 lives instead of 1... but now replace that problem with 5 birds vs 1 dog and see if your answer is still the same. Very interesting.

Edit: oh oh! One more. And Then You're Dead: What Really Happens If You Get Swallowed by a Whale, Are Shot from a Cannon, or Go Barreling over Niagara. The author did an AMA on reddit which I found interesting so I bought the book and read it in a day. And the chapters are set up so you can just flip around and read what you’re interested in. My favorites include what happens if your window falls out of an airplane and you get sucked out, how many bees you’d have to get stung by at one time before you died (1,500 honeybees), and what happens if you’re in a free falling elevator (jumping won’t do anything. Lay down flat on the ground to disperse the impact... and because if you’re standing up once the elevator stops your intestines will continue to fall and impact themselves out your bottom. And then you die).

Learn as much as you can about OCD, and do you best to retain your roll as a loved one.


Bibliotherapy is helpful. So read up, as much for yourself as them.

Here's a great book that touches on some forms of OCD.

I've found this structure of communication during severe episode of OCD helpful:

LEAP: Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner.

Reflective listening is key. Hear out your friend/family member completely, genuinely, and act like a reporter who is trying to learn all you can without judgement about what they live with. "It sounds like you don't want to live life like this, and you want things to change".

Empathize with the emotional difficulty of their disorder, and don't force your onions of treatment (i.e. you need to check into rehab, you need to be with a therapist, etc.). "It must be tough to feel unhealthy all the time, like you could be better".

Agree on things often to build trust. "I too want you to have a higher quality life."

Partner to work towards a solution. "I would love to help you get help, and we can find someone together. I'm just here for you to get through this"

This is a great book on the subject.

Not a doctor, just a husband with a loved one with a mental illness.

NTA. Whoo boy. I have been exactly where you are...it sucked. It sucked SO HARD. We didn't have the internet back then either (I'm old). I hope reading the comments in this thread has helped you know that a) you're NOT at fault here and b) you're in great company. I don't have any useful suggestions for you under your current circumstances (the people saying "play along until you're 18" are probably right, but I don't know if I could have so I can't ask you to, y'know?). I will recommend a book, though, either for once you're out of the house or if you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you can hide a copy where your mom won't find it. It's called "Leaving the Fold" and it's a pretty fabulous psychological text/workbook for people who grew up in strict religious households and have suffered trauma as a result (which is absolutely a thing) (I'm glad to see that a few comments called your mom's behavior emotional abuse, because it is). Here's the link if you're interested. Best of luck!!! Hang in there. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

​

Edited to say: If links aren't allowed in this sub (I'm new), please let me know and I'll remove it. Thanks!

As a new atheist, there was a book that helped me tremendously with EXACTLY what you described. It is called, "Why We Believe in god(s)" by Dr. J. Anderson Thomson.

You said you FEEL lost. You said you FEEL overwhelmed.

Religion is more emotional than anything else. We need to be taught why our emotions craved a "higher power" in the first place, and how those emotions can be satisfied in other ways.

Here's the link for the book at amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Believe-God-Concise/dp/0984493212/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418022174&sr=8-1&keywords=Why+We+Believe+in+god%28s%29

The best parts of this book is that it's a very quick read, and deals with the psychology of religion. It speaks to the brain chemicals that are released during worship services, as well as the reasons why we even seek to worship a higher being at all.

Once you see WHY... it's so much easier to say, "I am enough. I am all I need. And the emotional and community needs that church met, can be now met in HEALTHY ways." :)

It's been a long journey to happiness and healing for me, and I finally broke free off every last vestige, every last residual of fear and guilt.

I have never been happier. Freedom is intoxicating and invigorating.
Feel free to compare notes or ask me any questions on your journey.

I wish you the best. Live out your freedom EVERY day. Rock on.

> but that doesn't justify unconscious bias.

Thank you, I get so tired of people justifying base instinctual behavior and "reactions". Personal and social evolution is about awareness of unconscious biases and trying to resist falling into them. The studies on attractiveness are nauseating - the reddit meme of

1. be atttractive
   
2. don't be unattractive
   is borne out.
   
   As a "professional" I try to fight any urge to relate a person's appearance or demeanor to their competence. I remind my teams of the same.
   The book "Brightsided" points out another level of this problem:
   http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850
   
   I try to remind people, we are not hiring into a social club or interviewing for 'positive', enthusiastic people who will fit our corporate culture well. We are looking for people who are good at their job - tie wearing white guy, tattooed hipster chick, whatever. If a person wants to let her ass/boobs/piercings hang out at work, great. If she wants to take a break and 'hoop' in front of a bunch of male coworkers, great. If she is a programmer she should be judged on the quality of code she checks in and the ideas she brings during discussions. Judging "professional attire" is a slippery slope to judging people based on their looks and attractiveness and/or personality - maybe we won't get past that for mate selection (as evidenced by some of the okcupid studies among others) but we damn well should try as hard as we can for non-mating activities if we want to claim to be an enlightened society.
   
   LinkedIn is a step backwards in recruiting and hiring, photos were against the law for good reason (and we understand that better now).
   
   I never understood how tech people, who are supposed to be logical and were often shunned and bullied for being "different" have fallen into the irrational world of 'professional attire'. For Christ sake, we should all start wearing bowler hats again, because that was really professional attire. argh!

You are probably going down the same route I did. I grew up in a very conservative Baptist home. Bed time stories were from the bible, went to youth camps every year, went as a missionary all over Europe, played piano in worship teams and so on. But over time I got more questions than answers.

God never answers my prayers, what am I doing wrong? How can all the people around me speak in tongues? Is evolution actually right? Gays getting married doesn't seem very wrong. And so on. It's a journey ultimately only you can go on and discover what's at the end. Maybe you go back to faith, maybe you don't. I became an atheist last year and haven't looked back since.

However, if you want some good resources I'd recommend the Skeptics Annotated Bible to cover the bible and if you haven't definitively watch Evid3nc3 Why I am no longer a Christian. As for creation, Richard Dawkins' books are usually good introductions if you can stand him, otherwise I'd recommend Why Evolution is True.

My two favorite books are Why We Believe in God(s) and 50 Simple Questions for Every Christian. The first was what made me really question everything I believed in and the second was the nail in the coffin, the question he asks are good and his tone is very nice. Highly recommended reading if that's you thing.

If you need anything more feel free to ask, we're here to help.

I understand that it's controversial as to whether or not astrological theory could provide a customized VR experience for an individual. It's an open question that I believe is worth exploring.

Beyond that I wanted to make a few brief points based on interviews with over a hundred professional astrologers.

• We can all agree that according to science, Astrology is the gold standard of pseudoscience.
  
• Sun sign horoscopes give astrology a bad name. There's debate within the astrological community that perhaps astrology would be better off without generic sun sign columns because they can spread so much misinformation about what astrology really is and what it can do.
  
• There's hardly any professional astrologers who would give a reading using sun signs alone.
  
• Astrologers look at a combination of planets, signs, houses, and aspects to delineate a native's core dynamics, but more importantly look to transits and progressions for how the planets move over time relative to a natal chart to be able to speak to the quality of specific moments in time. If you want to hear more about how sophisticated some of these techniques can get, then listen to some of these interviews here.
  
• No intellectual argument can convince someone of the merits of astrology. You have to experience enough moments of synchronicity within your own chart to start to be convinced. It's never a slam dunk though, and I can't make a full-proof argument for astrology. There's many times when I question it's validity.
  
• Carl Jung is the bridge for bringing esoteric concepts into depth psychological practices because he found that they yielded therapeutic results. He found evidence of mythic archetypes within what he called the collective unconscious.
  
• At it's core, Astrology is about cycles of different periods. "All this has happened before, and all of it will happen again." - Battlestar Galactica
  
• The Hermetic principle of "As Above, So Below" speaks to how microcosmic patterns are connected to macrocosmic patterns. That doesn't mean that they cause each other to happen, but instead that they're synchronistically correlated.
  
• Jung worked with quantum physics pioneer Wolfgang Pauli to develop the concept of synchronicity based upon their experiences of meaningful co-incidences between their inner state and outer events in the world.
  
• Just as a clock doesn't cause it to be a certain time, the movement of planets don't cause events or inner psychological states. They're merely synchronistically correlated and there's no direct causal link between the two. The subtitle to Jung's excerpted book on Synchronicity is "An Acausal Connecting Principle," which speaks to this point.
  
• Rick Tarnas' "Cosmos & Psyche" is an epic book that does the best job of presenting historical evidence for the diachronic and sychronic patterning within our culture relative to astrolgy by focusing on outer planet quadrature aspects over time, such as as the Uranus/Pluto cycle being connected to revolutionary and transformational change that had peak influences during the French Revolution and the 1960's.
  
• There's a difference between signs and constellations. Western Astrology is based upon the tropical zodiac, which is set by when the spring equinox and zero degrees Aries. This doesn't change over time. The constellations relative to the signs however are moving in a cycle of 26,000 years in what is referred to as the precession of the equinoxes. Vedic astrology uses the sidereal zodiac, but Western astrology is based upon the tropical zodiac.
  
  That all said, there's nothing that I can say or do beyond that to change any minds. Esoteric traditions could be thought of as a religious belief because it gets to perennial philosophy questions that are unanswerable and there are many elements of human consciousness that don't fit into any scientific paradigms.
  
  If you like Star Wars, then you've been influence by Joseph Campell's work on Mythology, which was influence by Jung, who was influenced by all sorts of esoteric traditions -- including astrology.
  
  Archetypes are fundamental to human experience and mythology, and are at the core of why storytelling resonates with us. For me, the study of astrology is a study of these archetypal dynamics and the foundation of good storytelling.

A play therapist named Lawrence Cohen wrote a great book, [Playful Parenting] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345442865), that has a good discussion of this issue. He suggests some games and play strategies you can use to help your son work through his difficulty losing.

>[S]witch gears from playing the game to playing with these themes [of winning and losing]. For example, set up a game where they will always win, and pretend to be a ridiculous figure of a sore loser. Or brag about how great you are, then miss every shot -- whatever helps them laugh and release that feeling of life or death over the outcome of the game. Make up a game with a funny rule, like "No hitting me with this pillow," and then act goofy when they -- surprise -- hit you with it. "Waaah, you cheated!"

He also recommends a game he calls the "winning and losing game":

> This is a game where the focus is on playfully addressing the emotional layer underneath. It can be anything at all, as long as there is playful use of the ideas of winning and losing. For example, flip a coin, heads or tails; if you lose, go into a Shakespearean death scene because you lost...If you win, announce that you are the greatest coin flipper in the history of the universe, do a little victory dance, and then act real surprised when you lose the next toss.

I'm a pretty well-confirmed athiest at this point. I tend to view the current manifestations of religion as following in a long tradition of mythmaking by human cultures.

With that in mind, you might look into some psychology in addition to your religious research. I'm a writer, which is how I came by Jung and Campbell and Booker -- but I think the idea of underlying patterns of thought that guide our own mythmaking is of broader use than simply helping me understand storytelling better.

I've read the following, and suggest you do as well!

Jung

The Basic Writings of CG Jung

Man and His Symbols

The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Psychology and Religion

Campbell

The Hero With A Thousand Faces

The Masks of God (Vols. 1 - 3)

Myths to Live By

Booker

The Seven Basic Plots

There are a lot more, but those are the ones I'd start with. As an undergrad, I majored in English and Rhetoric, and minored in both Religion and Poetry -- this cultural storytelling stuff is important to me.

As a library science graduate student, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that you can get all of these books from your local library -- and can enlist the aid of the reference desk in finding more material for your research. Believe me, there's nothing a reference worker likes more than an interesting topic -- i.e. something that doesn't involve directing people to the bathroom, or helping people find books on filing their taxes. We're trained to help with real research! Use us!

> I've taken away toys, time outs, charts, talks, leaving, rewards, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and on and on.

Well, none of those things solve the underlying problems so that doesn't surprise me much. I always like to recommend The Explosive Child (and the companion website); though the process is bound to be a bit more difficult with a younger child who is less verbal, it's certainly doable (the first couple radio shows on this page address the age issue, which may help you if you go this route).

One further thing to note:

> We don't play rough with him because we don't want to encourage the behavior

It is natural for children to roughhouse, and there is purpose to it. There's an entire chapter about roughhousing in one of my favorite books, Playful Parenting, and I'll excerpt just a bit here:

> Many animals wrestle, including humans, and we seem to do so for a variety of reasons. Children wrestle and roughhouse as a way of testing out their physical strength, as a way to have fun, and as a way to control their aggression.

>Boys and girls—rambunctious children and quiet ones—all benefit from thoughtful physical play with adults. The active ones, who are going to be in the thick of the rough and tumble in school and on the playground, need a chance to do it first with someone who can give them undivided attention, help them deal with their fears, hesitations, impulses, anger, etc. ...

You kid needs to roughhouse. You can help him practice and learn how to do it carefully and safely with you, or you can leave 100% of that job to other kids who are less capable of handling him.

While nothing will give you all the answers you seek, this book is really interesting.

Explains all about testosterone levels at different ages and why males behave the way they do. I'm not 100% subscribed to it of course but it was a fascinating read. I do agree with your body doing what it's supposed to do provided you have a reasonably healthy lifestyle. i.e. you're supposed to have testosterone decline as you age and testosterone injections aren't necessarily a good idea to fix that.

Unless you have dreams of being Mr. Olympia in your middle age, I think you'll be ok.

Also, the hormonal changes can come with obesity and other health issues that affect more and more men these days - studies like to focus on one thing and ignore so many other factors, the news likes to scare people. In short, you know what to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle, keep that up and it's the best preventive medicine ever!

\> This scares me because I'm worried


Exactly. Exactly. You're scared and you're worried. The reason you're scared and worried is that Christianity engages in the BITE model, which involves programming people with fears triggered by certain thoughts. When someone moves from inside the cult toward the outside, they hit these edges they've been trained to fear, and the anxiety kicks in. You've been told perhaps your entire life "If you do ANYTHING but what we tell you to do, you will never be happy again, you'll immediately switch from the pure virtuous asexual being waiting for a heterosexual marriage with children into a syphilitic prostitute. There is no middle ground. Here are some carefully managed narratives of people who will tell you they used to be prostitutes and unhappy but now claim to be Christian and happy. See?"


Then someone starts leaving the "pure asexual being waiting for straight marriage with kids" and before they have any experience they are accosted by the ideas they've been infected with, since before they could judge whether those ideas made sense. The chewed-gum metaphor. The horror stories of STIs and suicidal depression. The idea that there is only black and white, only absolutely Christian or absolutely unChristian and- by the Christian definition- necessarily unhappy.


But here's the thing. Those people who claim to be ex-fuckups that are happy in Christianity? Track them down five or ten years later; they quit. Their problems, if they had any, weren't solved by Christianity. And when you go out and experience the life these BITE "fences" were programmed to prevent you from encountering you discover that the vast majority of trans people are happier when people aren't Christian at them; when they're called by their trans names, when they're given support and validation and surgery. And the Christians who famously are "good?" Mike Warnke was super famous for being an ex-satanist. Except he wasn't. Josh Harris wrote Christian dating advice that influenced a generation- now he's divorced and attending Pride events in rainbow shirts. The Bakkers earned millions talking about how real and good their God was- and then they went to prison for fraud.


What Christianity says is "here is one/several examples we'll show you where something we don't like overlaps with being unhappy. Now take our word for it that all of the things we don't like mean being unhappy." The real world isn't like that.


You're not overreacting. You're responding to a carefully constructed narrative built to make you terrified of "the outside." If it were true in whole or in part then it would be entirely right and functional to fear being different than what Christianity wants you to be. But it's all bullshit. The thing is, until you step outside the religion, until you meet atheists and bisexuals and trans women who are living life with happiness and respect and health, you'll keep believing that to be anything but Christian is to be without sexual limits or happiness.


So, my advice would be, first, to start seeing a secular, state board of psychology approved, therapist, about these programmed fears. My second would be to read about the BITE model so that you have a different perspective to consider what you've been told and still believe/worry about. Check out Marlene Winnel's Leaving The Fold, which has a chapter or two on the sexual dysfunction Christians are programmed into. Lastly;


I used to be a hardcore Christian virgin. Didn't even like kissing girls. When I deconverted, I started to explore what my sexuality meant without religious chains. I tried having sex with women. I tried having sex with men. I tried having group sex, casual sex, sex with friends. What I discovered was that none of these things made me less of what I was. I carefully chose the people and times to express my sexuality and learn about myself in a healthy way- after seeing a therapist for a good long while, because I knew my early desperation for affection could have led me to some unhealthy behaviors. But as I experimented and learned (and even made mistakes, which is good and how we all learn), I became more sure of myself in my sexuality, less afraid of some hidden power in my genitals that would overwhelm me, and began to saw my body as a partner and a tool that I could trust rather than a terrifying beast I had to shut away and control. And now I have both a girlfriend and another lover who has a great boyfriend, and we're spectacularly happy with each other, and I'm pretty happy to be the person I am, and to have the kind of deeply satisfying sex that I do, in relationships that I find both emotionally and sexually fulfilling. And I couldn't have gotten here if I hadn't gone to therapy and learned the skills I did there about boundaries and communication, and then gone out and made mistakes and been kind to myself when I realized I made a mistake (and was careful about sexual safety and self-education and consent- check out Sexplanations on YT/Patreon). It wasn't easy but it was pretty fun and it was really worthwhile.


What I guess I'm saying is that you're not alone in your terror. A lot of us have been there. But there is a path through it and out, and the other side of it involves hard work and healing and happiness. I made it to the other side, and I believe you can too.

Its great that you want to help her, you sound like a kind friend.

I think its important to know that she's reckoning with a big loss (loss of faith/world view, disillusionment w/ parents and other authority figures, loss of her prior sense of who she is) Loss like that means grief. Its ok if she's angry and sad and confused. Its not ok if she's drowning in those things and can't make her life work. If that's the case, she needs professional help asap.

The good news is that most of what she missed out on is now available to her. Nobody does everything in high school; everybody tries new things in college. She just may have more new things to try. Encourage her to get involved in the stuff she feels she missed out on. Join clubs, play intramural sports, sign up for newspaper, listen to music, read books and fanfic, date (responsibly), etc. Do some of these things with her; try some things new to both of you, normalize having new experiences.

Encourage her that she isn't alone in this situation. LOTS of people have had the same experience she is having. She can find them online and irl. Try out a Recovering From Religion support group or see if your campus has a Secular Student Alliance.

Check out the ~~#~~ExposeChristianHomeschooling #ExposeChristianSchools hashtags on twitter. Listen to some podcasts together: Exvangelical; Life After God; The Life After. Check out some books: Pure; Faith Unraveled; Leaving the Fold

​

However hard this time is for your friend, it will be easier because she has your support and encouragement.

​

(Source: I was a homeschooled evangelical; and then, eventually, I left the faith and found myself.)

I liked "Basic and Clinical Pharmacology" by Bertram Katzung. I know that Rang Dale & Ritter is often on reading lists, but I didn't like it at the time I was in the market for a textbook.

A more "friendly" text is "A Primer Of Drug Action" by Robert Julien. It's a great book -- something that you can read all the way through almost in a recreational way (pun not intended; however it does have very good sections on the "recreational" drugs). Not sure how to get across what I mean... it's a "good read" rather than a textbook that one uses primarily for reference. I'd say that it's perfect for someone who wants a good introduction with a moderate amount of technical information.

Just noticed that SodiumKPump has already recommended Robert Julien's book.

This book is awesome; it helps with setting realistic goals for daily production, and helps with making academic writing a part of your daily life. I also do a modified version of the Pomodoro Technique when I work. Kitchen timers don't work very well (I have an old wind up college test timer clock), but there's also an iphone app that's just as good; odd thing about it--I have to be able to hear the ticking. Cuts out the ambient noise, and structures my work habits.

As far as diet and exercise--go with whatever you can manage. I notice that I eat a lot more fiber these days (sorry if that's too much information), and because my gym/cardio takes a bit of a back seat, I make sure I walk everywhere, and I keep a good pace. I operate best when I've had enough sleep--I do my best work in the mid-morning. However, these are just things I do, and I'm sure everyone is different.

The book I didn't like (despise is too strong, it was just too simplistic) was What to Expect.

I loved Mayo Clinic Guide to Pregnancy. It felt in depth and comprehensive while still being practical.

Another two books I've loved have been "Brain Rules for Baby" and "What's Going On in There". Brain Rules is written for more of a layman's audience while the second is very very technical if you're not familiar with neurology, though the author does a good job of explaining things. They both touch on pregnancy and how different things affect the developing brain and why something is good or bad. It also talks about what you can do now, while pregnant, to give your child the best chance you can and all backed up with peer reviewed research. I loved them!

I recommend reading the "Why Do We Believe in Gods" by J.A Thompson, a professor at the University of Virginia. [https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Believe-God-Concise/dp/0984493212].
According to his research, this being the reason I fully embraced atheism, people, regardless of intelligence and education, are prone to have beliefs in the supernatural and religion due to our own human evolution. I.e, the survival of those individuals who imagined predators in the wilderness, procreated as members of a community, took satisfaction in collective rituals and dances as members of a community, harbored positive feelings toward fatherly figures, were able to anticipate and imagine all sorts of potential conversations or outcomes to their interactions with others, found relief in self suggestion and survived because of fear to the unknown. It is a super fascinating read that cast light on human nature and why being religious is natural.

Brain rules for baby. Available on audio book.

It's a very academic heavily-sourced, book on parenting techniques, generally advocating authoritative parenting.

As far as schools, visit a few, look at the grounds, and talk to the teachers. Much of what they'll be learning at age three will be social, and whether it be Waldorf or Montessori, they'll mostly be playing with legos and in sand boxes at this age.

Structured play is great. Pretend time is great. If you can set up some cardboard boxes, and let him play pirate, that's pretty good for him.

There's plenty of debate on whether stay-at-home parenting is superior to day-care/pre-school, but suffice to say that it depends on the kid and both are totally viable options depending on your circumstance.

It's not serious to not be fully-potty trained yet, but you should probably get on that, especially considering it limits your preschool options a lot.

There are things called "swim diapers"

use sunscreen, but not spray on

Use shoes in dangerous environments but barefoot is okay on grass and dirt.

A three year old can climb up a play structure just fine all by himself.

Good Luck! :)

Relevant studies:

• Vegetarian versus Meat-Based Diets for Companion Animals (2016) - "Cats and dogs maintained on vegetarian diets may be healthy—including those exercising at the highest levels—and indeed may experience a range of health benefits."
  
• Cats and Carbohydrates: The Carnivore Fantasy? (2017) - "Because of the discrepancy in carbohydrate content between a natural prey diet and currently available traditional commercial cat foods, excess carbohydrate intake is often considered the primary cause of feline obesity [4,8,9]. It has been postulated that excessive amounts of dietary carbohydrates cause an overproduction of insulin resulting in excess fat deposition ... Nguyen et al. and Backus et al. confirmed increased weight gain and expansion of fat mass when cats had free choice access to a low-carbohydrate, high-fat diet ... in comparison to a high-carbohydrate, low-fat diet ... Coradini et al. also concluded that a low-carbohydrate, high-protein diet .. resulted in increased fat deposition and greater weight gain when fed ad libitum compared to a high-carbohydrate, low-protein diet ... Based on the research discussed above, carbohydrates do not appear to be the biggest concern in the development of obesity. Overfeeding and thereby consumption of excess calories of any macronutrient is a much more important risk factor for obesity and should be the main focus of obesity prevention."
  
• VEGAN NUTRITION OF DOGS AND CATS (2014) - "It is the intention of this paper to provide general information on vegan nutrition of dogs and cats and furthermore to deal with how an adequate nutrient intake can be met with only plant based feeds" - Master's thesis from the Veterinary University of Vienna (translated from German).
  
  
  More : https://www.reddit.com/r/veganpets/wiki/faq
  
  
  

  Is the science settled on vegan pet diets? What are the benefits and risks?
  

  
  More research definitely needs to be done in this field. The provided studies show evidence that vegan diets can be healthy for dogs, cats, and other pets, but many of those studies were small: more evidence is required to prove it. However, it is difficult, expensive, and time consuming to gather enough scientific research to "prove" something. Just look at all the confusion in human nutrition research, which receives many times more funding and interest than veterinary nutrition research ever will.
  
  Does that mean we should avoid vegan pet diets in the meantime? Ultimately this is a personal decision, but this subreddit's stance is a resounding NO. Let's create a simple cost/benefit analysis to help make this decision.
  
  

  Benefits and Support
  

  
  

• Most, if not all, currently available peer reviewed research supports vegan pet diets as a healthy food source
  
• There are many reasons to believe vegan pet food may be healthier than meat-based pet food, even if all the studies have not yet been performed to prove it
  
• There are at least 23 different suppliers of vegan pet foods, many of which only provide vegan pet foods. How could these companies stay in business if all their customers became ill?
  
• All of the minerals, vitamins, amino acids, and other additives that go into vegan pet foods go into regular pet foods too.
  
• Thousands of cats and dogs have already gone vegan, as evidenced by their social media presence
  
• "through their diet, [cats and dogs] constitute about 25–30% of the environmental impacts from animal production in terms of the use of land, water, fossil fuel, phosphate, and biocides." - Source
  
• A cow, pig, chicken, fish, or other animal died to provide byproducts for your pets meal. How is your pet different from them?
  
  

  Risks
  

  
  

• Vegetables are less acidic than meat. Basic food may cause urinary crystal issues in cats, especially male cats. Most vegan cat foods are acidified (just like regular cat food), minimizing the risk of this issue. It's still smart to monitor your cat when switching over.
  
• Vegan diets feel risky to many. Some people claim that obligate carnivores, like cats, cannot survive on a properly formulated, nutritionally balanced "unnatural" vegan diet. In Zimbabwe, 164,000 crocodiles (obligate carnivores) are commercially raised on a vegan diet, it has been found cats digest >93% of the starches found in kibble, and cats readily digest the amino acids that are currently added to meat-based cat foods. In meta-analysis, cats have been found to do well on vegan diets.
  
• To be continued?
  
  There's a lot of potential good to come from a pet's vegan diet, even for their health. Any issues or risks that might arise can be monitored, discovered, and immediately reversed by returning to the pet's regular diet. Lots of benefit, low risk.
  

>Where can I find Jung's writings on the topic?

Not his extant work on this concept but excerpts from his writings about it can be found in Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle (From Vol. 8. of the Collected Works of C. G. Jung) (Jung Extracts).
Also check out the entries in the Concordance.

To find further references to what, and where, he wrote about this you'd need to explore the General Index to the Collected Works.

Jung's Friend and an analyst in her own right, Marie-Louise Von Franz also wrote a book on synchronicity: On Divination and Synchronicity: The Psychology of Meaningful Chance.

Jung worked with a physicist, Nobel-Prize winner Wolfgang Pauli, extrapolating this concept into considerations in regions of physics. Their work together might help clarify and deepen your understanding.

>Not everyone responds well to graphic images and videos, satirical, passive agressive criticism, or being called out and having their beliefs challenged.

So don't do any of those things. Unless the person is already open to the idea of veganism, those are recipes for disaster.

>How do you effectively change people or plant the seed in their minds

This is the book you want. And if you have somebody who is willing to have a conversation with you, something like this book might be pretty good (it's mostly for therapists helping people deal with addictions and stuff, but that's still relevant). One good video I saw recently, that clearly uses a lot of these tactics, is this vegan street interview.

You can probably do some googling for blogs and articles on the psychology of persuasion and behavior change.

EDIT: You can't expect to just show people the truth and have them immediately change their thinking. This is a quote from a book about climate change, but it's definitely relevant here:

>Ironically, one of the best proofs that information does not change people's attitudes is that science communicators continue to ignore the extensive research evidence that shows that information does not change people's attitudes.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I highly recommend you read the book I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help by Dr. Amador. His brother had SAD. Excellent book. I also suggest getting involved in NAMI if you are lucky enough to have a chapter in your area. You are in for a hard lonely battle. Be sure to take care of yourself first, then your partner (if you are lucky enough to have one). Only with those two pieces in place can you hope to take care of your son. Feel free to PM if you have questions. I wish you the best.

​

Men have three major sexual cues. Tits, ass, and sperm competition. The penis is important due to it's role as a sperm delivery system and thus it is a major sexual cue and synonymous with sperm competition. Sperm competition is a sexual cue because of the word competition. Competition, in the sexual realm at the very least, gets us guys all riled up. "Who's that bitch been fuckin' while I was gone!" The site of a penis in the context of sex triggers desire in the brain. Not for the penis, but to increase desire for the female in order to guarantee it's our sperm that impregnates and not the other dude. Hardness of the erection, sperm production and various other biological triggers pop in such a circumstance. Cuckold porn is popular for this reason. Why would a man get hot wathcing another man fucking his wife? Because it triggers all that shit and makes the sex more enjoyable. Yeah biology!

If you'll notice there are no huge dicks in female targeted pornography. The obsession with penis is a male thing, not a female thing. Most females wouldn't give two shits about the penis. The shemale, or tranny, (both are offensive terms BTW) is a part of male fantasy. It targets all three major male sexual cues.

For further interesting reading regarding this subject consider: A Billion Wicked Thoughts

It's not a the greatest book in the world, but studying sex is very difficult in our culture and they've done the best they can with what we've got. =)

P.S. I am not an Amazon affiliate.

Edit: I meant cues and not for everyone to start lining up in queues. =P XD

Edit 2: I don't remember it being as prevelant in the book but as the video linked in logcats' post below mentions the feet are a fourth major sexual cue.

> Pretty much have.

No.

>2 million people with an IQ above the 100 IQ average.

100 isn't that high, and the average is what is more important. The outliers should be trying to create an environment with incentives that drive up the average.

>Ah yes because all the great minds in the world see it as black and white. See you're actually a great example of why my faith in huwhite nationalism is so low.

Not an argument.

>Simple demographics.

You simply don't understand the left, like at all. Try reading this book. Enough with the rabbit horde nonsense.

>Exactly your adherence to arbitrary racial groups has an economic cost.

You are not smart enough to realize that there are two sides to this issue. Your desired inclusion has it's own externalities.

I initially followed the principles of Stoicism, which is a philosophy that's very close to the principles of CBT. So my first resource was /r/Stoicism, where you can find things like this and this that have direct correlation with CBT principles. Greek and Roman literature might be hard to get into, but there are very readable translations and the principles are applicable.

Of course, not everyone is interested in philosophy, so my recommendation would be to find something along the lines of Judith Beck's Cognitive Therapy, or other similar resources that are based on research. I can't really recommend else because I haven't read much from other authors.

But in general I would recommend reading about cognitive biases in general, along the lines of this, this, this, or this. Being conscious of how everybody thinks might help you see some negative spirals in your life, and can help you change the environment that might lead you to that negativity.

But again, professional help can be very useful, so definitely consult a professional who is maybe better for you. Good luck!

I think Grey may know this, but we're more like 50 or 200 on a neurological level, rather than two. Quite a lot of our brain systems don't talk to each other, not just the right and left hemisphere in corpus callosotomy patients. Robert Kurzban has a great book about this: Evolution and the modular mind

Edit - Should have mentioned, but he makes a pretty convincing case (moreso than Grey imo) that one's coherent sense of self is mostly an illusion.

Sure, but Meyers Briggs types don't describe the kinds of things you're interested in or how good of a person you are. You can have an INTJ that loves fantasy novels and an INTJ that will only read non-fiction. You can have an INTJ that is totally Machiavellian and an INTJ whose first principles are kindness and compassion.

Meyers Briggs just describes (or lumps people into categories with common discriptions) how you primarily perceive information and process that information. There has been limited research into how Meyers Briggs types manifest neurologically. Correlation is not causation, but as soon as you start having basic physical phenotypes (straight, brown hair) it makes sense to look for a born-that-way reason. The equivalent of curling or dying your hair would be developing your lower functions (Fi, Se), but you'd still be dominantly Ni, Te.

What you're talking about is more or less in line with a psychoanalytic / Jungian interpretation. There's a lot of history and some disagreement^1, but generally the idea is that religion was instituted to codify morality into an easy-to-digest way (ie, making up stories that teach us how to behave morally) and to give a general model of human behavior and interaction, a sort of primitive social science.

I'm coming mostly from Carl Jung (Text 1 / Text 2 / Wiki), Jacques Lacan (Text / Wiki), Joseph Campbell (Text / Wiki), and Erich Fromm (Text / Wiki), but these anthologies give a decent scope of study: Ways of Being Religious and Religion, Society and Psychoanalysis.

There's also an entire sub-genre of what amount to self-help books based on mythology, interpreting myths to teach you how to be a better person: Myths to Live By, Iron John.


^1 One of the big disagreements between Freud and Jung was the role of religion in the mind of a subject. Freud believed it was a fantasy we use to bolster our own sense of importance and impart some sense of order onto the world that isn't there. Jung believed, while that may be true of fundamentalists or the neurotic/pathological, generally speaking it was a positive thing, that it created or strengthened social bonds, that it taught us things about ourselves and humanity.

I think you're missing the point here.

Many don't like Obama, but is anybody really excited enough about Romney to post pro-Romney stuff? Apparently this guy is . . .

Also: The caricature you described fits Romney supporters quite well. Visit a trailer park sometime.

Obama is a politician; they are all hypocrites for some very interesting reasons. A good book to check out was written by a colleague of mine.

Playful Parenting by Cohen.

It's a great book about how important play is to kids and to parents. Using play to stay connected to my son and get him to behave feels like cheating sometimes. We have a great relationship, and he's really well behaved.

It also has great tips for using playtime to help circumvent and or conquer unnecessary fears in a toddler or young child.

A Primer of Drug Action by Julien is my favorite introductory psychopharmacology text, and it's extremely accessible. No need for any chem background. They should have one of the newer editions at any university library that you could check out for free, and it's not too long of a book.
https://www.amazon.com/Primer-Drug-Action-Robert-Julien/dp/1429233435
It mostly just covers psychoactive drug action, as the title suggests, but it's an awesome read if that's what you're interested in. It may point you in some other interesting directions, as well.

I find it hilariously ironic that these comments are nothing but a circle jerk. You guys ever stop to think that it's porn, not masturbation, that's kept us/you isolated, depressed, impulsive, anxious, and/or sexually dysfunctional? I don't want to proselytize my opinions too much, but I would like to offer a train of thought dissenting from the common opinion.

Personally, I still masturbate but I do so only using my imagination and no external visual stimuli. Of course, I should clarify that throughout my whole life -- even during my porn addict stages -- I've only masturbated once or twice a week on average. So while my total porn hours per week may have been something like 30, I still would only masturbate about twice a week. True, my libido does fluctuate and, at times, I would masturbate as little as once in three months or as much as five times a day for three days, but my modal average is twice a week.

In my senior year of high school I went the whole year (August '06 through July '07) without masturbating and I found enormous benefits, but it ended up being unsustainable and I spiraled downward into porn addiction in my freshman year of college. Back then I thought my addiction was a masturbation addiction, but it took several years of failing college, seven therapists and psychiatrists, a sex therapist, Sex Addict Anonymous meetings, and telling my family and friends about my challenges to realize it was porn not masturbation that was extremely addictive for me. So, again, I'm not trying to push my philosophy on anybody but, by sharing my life story, maybe others can identify with me and find it worthwhile to learn from.

Edited after reading comments: I also find it immensely helpful to read as much as I can about human sexuality. Articles by Dr. Jesse Bering about fringe human behaviors, books on cultural variations in sexuality, animal variations in sexuality, the neuroscience of porn, and anything else I get my hands on are all vastly enlightening and entertaining. To borrow a phrase from Dr. Bering, I'm all about learning "why you’re going through what you are rather than what to do about it. I may not believe in free will, but I’m a firm believer that knowledge changes perspective, and perspective changes absolutely everything. Once you have that, you don’t need anyone else’s advice."

There definitely is a book by Lawrence Krauss the details this exact subject. It covers everything in that video but with a lot more detail. I enjoy his humor, although his writing style can be a little difficult to understand if you're not already familiar with Cosmology or Astro-Physics (my passion, so I found it fascinating).

There is the book for Why We Believe In Gods by Andy Thomson, although I have not read it so I can't comment.

Sam Harris receives a lot more flack for his comments than I think other atheist thinkers, primarily for his unabashed opinions on Islam, a subject that most others shy away from. He does not align with many progressives in this viewpoint, but tends to "attack" any and every religious belief. Personally, of those more famous atheists, he's probably my favorite because of that logical and scientific basis for lack of faith. However, I fully understand why many people want to distance themselves from him. I would highly recommend the Moral Landscape, but particularly The End of Faith.

Really, right now, just that it's my job. The fact that it sometimes sucks isn't an excuse. Neither is the fact that I don't feel inspired to excellence every day.

I sit down for two hours every morning and write. It's the habit that keeps me going, especially when writing feels like the horrible chore that it often is.

That sounds bleak, I suppose, but I've actually started to feel a lot better about my work and progress since adopting this perspective. It means that I'm not failing at being a grad student just for not "feeling the love" or whatever. It means that I make incremental (sometimes infinitesimal) progress every day.

This book sort of articulates that perspective. It's a book about writing, on the surface, but I've found that it's also a great "how to cope with this shit you got yourself into" manual (at least, if the size of the task combined with the overwhelming pile of other stuff you need to do is what ails you).

>The main thing is the laws of attraction you attract what you are .

Uhm, you might want to read "Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America" by Barbara Ehrenreich.

I'm reading it right now & although I enjoy "positive thinking" videos, I can see how a person might become out-of-touch with reality (the feel-good gurus, not you) if all they do is try to think themselves into riches, a big home, etc.

https://www.amazon.com/Bright-sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850

For all you would be parents out there, I would suggest this book. Hands down the best book I ever read on parenting. Want your child to sit in their high chair for dinner? Show them their stuffed animal doing it. Want your child to overcome their fear of loud hand dryers. Pretend to dry your hands at home and make a game of it. Want your kid to stop pretending to play with guns? Pretend their gun sends love your way. Everything a child does and learns is through play. By demonstrating outcomes and behaviors you want your child to do / have through play, parenthood becomes easier. (all of the above are real stories from the book that the author, a therapist, walks through)

I always recommend A Primer of Drug Action by Julien, Advokat, and Comaty. This was my textbook for psychopharmacology, and I absolutely love it. It's a great textbook as well as an interesting read.

Check out Playful Parenting:
https://smile.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Connections-Encourage-Confidence/dp/0345442865/ref=sr_1_3

The basic thesis is that at this age, you can get the kids to do what you want by making it fun for them. It's like Mary Poppins said:
> In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and - SNAP - the job's a game.

There is no way to convince them just by telling them. Get Xavier Amadour's book I'm Not Sick and I Don't Need Help and follow his LEAP method. it's a very practical book.

My brother developed schizophrenia after smoking weed in 2008 and I have had to fine tune these techniques.

The thing to understand is that there is cognitive impairment which leads one to believe they have all their abilities completely intact prior to the mental illness. Mental illness is not definitely not something he will accept. Trust me on this. But slowly bringing his attention to all the little things that prevent him from being the best version of who he can be in a non-judgmental way can bring progress.

If he does have Schizophrenia make sure his family gets an insurance policy before he is diagnosed. If he is already diagnosed it is extremely important that you find the right medication for him. This can take years even, but the earlier and the more consistent he is on the right meds, the better his prognosis.

Unfortunately, getting picked up by the police and the hospitalizations will be a common thing for him if he doesn't go back into remission. You need to know the signs of whether things are not getting better but getting worse (in the book) so that you can call the authorities if he needs to be in a lockdown.

This illness tests everything you thought you knew about people. My condolences on this bad news. I wish you and his family the best of luck on the long mythic road to recovery. Don't hesitate to contact me with questions.

My husband got me a book called Experimenting with Babies: 50 Amazing Science Projects You Can Perform on Your Kid that explains this and other neat developmental phenomena. It is great fun.

Take a good look at your society. Ok, now why would you give a shit about those losers think about you? Trust me, it's them not you. Oh and never fall for any of those self help bullshit book suggestions. America is the land of hope pimps and it's one of the most lucrative industries ever. Learning how not to give a shit will last longer (til death) than any self help horseshit from these books or the true believer fan boys trying to push them on you. Phony shit if there ever was. Don't let yourself be bright-sided. It's just more marketing from a pathological and toxic society.

.....

Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America

....

"In this utterly original debunking, Barbara Ehrenreich confronts the false promises of positive thinking and shows its reach into every corner of American life, from Evangelical megachurches to the medical establishment, and, worst of all, to the business community, where the refusal to consider negative outcomes--like mortgage defaults--contributed directly to the current economic disaster. With the myth-busting powers for which she is acclaimed, Ehrenreich exposes the downside of positive thinking: personal self-blame and national denial. This is Ehrenreich at her provocative best--poking holes in conventional wisdom and faux science and ending with a call for existential clarity and courage."

....

https://www.amazon.ca/Bright-sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850

.......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XASQo5uEsjc


......

Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World by Barbara Ehrenreich
Jenni Murray salutes a long-overdue demolition of the suggestion that positive thinking is the answer to all our problems

......

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2010/jan/10/smile-or-die-barbara-ehrenreich

......

The one suggestion in this thread I can agree with is find people with shared interests.

I usually recommend going after the soft underbelly and moving up from there...

1. Something on the history of the bible and religion itself. Bring out the skeletons they don't discuss in bible study.
   
2. Something on the contradictions, and different interpretations of the bible. Add to the pile of bones.
   
3. Scientific theories... a good one is this book. It's not anti-religious, but goes into good detail about how we know what we know in science.
   
4. If you want something to make her feel better... if she's not scientific in nature I doubt that just "reality" will help, in which case I recommend Buddhism (without the reincarnation). It's religiousy enough for those that need it, but without a lot of the BS.
   
   Other interesting books...:
   
   (abridged) http://books.google.com/books?id=VNgBZR4bxG0C&printsec=frontcover&dq=Golden+Bough&source=gbs_similarbooks_s&cad=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Robert-Cialdini/dp/0688128165 (you'll want to read this too actually).
   
   

Read it knowing that you're not learning how to make friends or become influential. There's a reason we don't walk around saying that you've won a new friend.

This is a book about how to manipulate people. I mean hell, the guy changed his name from "Carnagey" to "Carnegie" to ride the coattails of Andrew Carnegie. His tips largely include feigning interest in people, pretending to have similar interests in order to be seen in their favor, and thinking "positively" despite how you actually feel.

I'm not trying to say the content isn't valuable in situations where being liked will get you ahead, just that if you follow the rules verbatim for your daily life you're potentially following the path to become a somewhat vapid person without a very strong sense of self.

After reading his book, do yourself a favor and read Bright-Sided.

Yes. Dario Nardi, a professor at UCLA did/has been doing personality research with EEGs. He has a book where he published his methodology, sample size, and findings, but there are also readily available YouTube videos, PDFs, and even a Reddit AMA where his findings are presented. I should mention that he uses Jung's model of functions, but the four-lettered MBTI types.

I did Google the Pittenger study since it wasn't on your list, but it seems like he didn't take functions into consideration as he says, "MBTI theory states that each of the four preference dimensions stands alone," which is contrary to Jung's idea that each MBTI preference is either introverted or extroverted in nature in the function stack. It also doesn't seem like any imaging technology was used, so at the very least I don't think it contradicts Nardi's findings.

I'm not trying to pick a fight and obviously you've done more research into the psychological aspects of personality, but I don't think we can fully discount MBTI/Jung's functions as adequately predicting how people will react or what they might be good at. I think there is variance based on individuals, context, culture, and circumstances, but there are certainly correlations. Furthermore, I don't think it can be used to predict what career you'll excel in or what your hobbies are or if you like your coffee black or not (as some people try to use it for).

Also, I'm not expecting you do research Nardi's findings in any depth but if you do and you happen to find holes, please do let me know. I'm always open to being wrong.

One I liked was Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five by John Medina. He makes a point of using information that is supported by multiple studies.

There's also Bright From The Start and The Science of Parenting, both of which had helpful scientific information.

Agreed. Having a reliable test would be nice (and a requirement for further study to be sure), but the real meat of the issue that many seem to be concerned about is the validity of the personality classification theory itself.

I believe what the parent is referring to with the EEG correlations to cognitive functions is Dario Nardi's research on the Neuroscience Of Personality. He has a talk about it here with some interesting evidence, but I have not yet had a chance to read over the book. He also did an interesting AMA over on /r/mbti a while back that's probably worth a read as well.

May I recommend the full Ted Talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl2LwnaUA-k

V. S. Ramachandran is awesome, also he is funny! I recommend his books:

http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Tale-Brain-Neuroscientists-Quest-Makes/dp/0393340627/ref=la_B001IGHMGU_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1371890926&sr=1-2


http://www.amazon.com/Phantoms-Brain-Probing-Mysteries-Human/dp/0688172172/ref=la_B001IGHMGU_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371890926&sr=1-1

Well some of the books I read where King Warrior Magician Lover, Iron John, and The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious.

This series on The Art of Manliness in a decent summary of King Warrior Magician Lover and gives brief description of Jungian psychology. Danger & Play wrote some thought provoking posts about it as well, here and here.

This stuff will give you a better intro than I could. And I 100% recommend buying Iron John. The author is professional poet, and as a result it's very easy to read while still touching on some deep stuff.

I'm only halfway through this book, but it has a lot of great information so far:

http://www.amazon.com/Billion-Wicked-Thoughts-Largest-Experiment/dp/0525952098

Kind of answers 'why' a lot of PUA techniques work.

The book list just keeps growing in so many different directions that it's hard to identify which I want to tackle next (I also have a tendency to take meticulous notes while I read and that slows the process down even further!). Some of the topics I intend to read about once I'm done with the books mentioned:

• God: A Human History
  
• Why We Believe in God(s): A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith
  
• The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs: A New History of a Lost World
  
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
  
• Occult America
  
• When Prophecy Fails
  
• Astrophysics for People in a Hurry
  
• Cosmos
  
• Norse Mythology
  
• Cadillac Desert: The American West and Its Disappearing Water
  
• Guns, Germs, and Steel
  
• Misquoting Jesus
  
• On Bullshit
  
• The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe
  
• Why People Believe Weird Things
  
  Plus a bunch of books by Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Carl Sagan, and others. There are way too many. And all the fiction books I want to read too! It's not that I didn't read books before, but my faith transition has sparked an intense desire to study and learn far greater than I ever experienced before.

The Female Brain
and The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine was a really good book that I didn't feel like it really needed much knowledge of neuroscience to understand.

I read that in high school because it was in the library, and I was interested in the brain. I might have been 14 or 15 the time, and both books kept my ADD teenage brain interested long enough to read it before I got distracted by another book, video, or something else on history, biology, chemistry, astronomy, science fiction, eta.

It is about gender differences in the brain, behavior, and psychology.
It is has both psychology and neuroscience in it. This is something that might be more interesting
then a general book about the brain.
By reading it, I definitely learned about at least the macro level of the brain. You have to talk about the general in order to explain the differences well. If I read a book about the differences between red wolves and gray wolves, I will learn a lot about wolves in general, too.

Drowsiness and slowed breathing aren't life threatening, except in the case of overdose. These are drugs which are frequently prescribed, like all drugs it has side effect, but these are remarkably minor compared with both its reputation and alcohol or tobacco.


"An individual tolerant to and dependant upon an opiate who is socially or financially capable of obtaining an adequate supply of good quality drug, sterile syringes and needles, and other paraphernalia may maintain his or her proper social and occupational functions, remain in fairly good health, and suffer little serious incapacitation as a result of dependence.(Julien, 1981 p.117)

http://www.amazon.com/Primer-Drug-Action-Robert-Julien/dp/1429233435

I have a book suggestion for you called "I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help" It's written for families of loved ones suffering from mental health issues and it's about how to convince them to eventually seek help. Good luck!

> No, that's just the choice you made.

So you're one of those religious types that don't accept evolution and scientific things like neuroscience, it sounds like. I didn't make the choice - I have never even as a child, accepted religion. Even when I was 3 and 4 years old. It just made no sense to me. That is how my brain is wired. There is no way for me to make myself believe. No way. Unless I tried to lie about it, which makes no sense, because your god/allah/shiva/kali/zeus would know it as they can read minds.

> You don't have to investigate literally every other mythology in order to negate it before accepting one as the truth, only the converse is required.

OK, so I'll go with Mithra, I guess. Good enough.

>If in the 80 odd years you are probably given to live on average and you didn't devote any time to investigating a threat as serious as "hell," then that's your fault, not that of any notion of predestination.


Oh, don't get me wrong. I've investigated way more than 95% of the entire human population, for sure.

It is not my fault. It is the way my brain is wired. I know my brain better than you. I've lived with it for a long time. But I think you need to read up on neurology. I wish more people would do that, rather than read their "holy" books. Try to read some books on neurology - try. Although they would probably fry your mind.

David Eagleman, Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain

V. S. Ramachandran, The Tell-Tale Brain: A Neuroscientist's Quest for What Makes Us Human

I know that you will never be able to accept what the books write, or what I write. It would mess up your most basic beliefs. But I'll just give you those books, just in case you are brave. Remember, they are doing science, not beliefs. Science.

I had to pull out my copy to look this up. I recalled “Types” was first published in 1921, but Jung published different editions and refined his theory in later editions, the last of which is 1949. In the first Swiss edition’s foreword, 1921, Jung remarks that the work and theory are grounded in his psychiatry work over the last twenty years. The printing I have is from 1976 and purchased at a remarkable price of $.25.

Jung references Friedrich Schiller as the earliest known (to Jung) person to start systematically typing people according to their external behaviors.

---

Dario Nardi did some interesting work on trying to map-link Jungian cognitive functions (and sadly, MBTI) to brain areas using Electroencephalography. You can find him on YouTube or here’s a book he wrote about it: https://www.amazon.com/Neuroscience-Personality-Brain-Insights-People/dp/0979868475

I tagged multiple people because they might be interested and I wasn’t exactly sure how to reply to all that posted underneath this comment and its children.

/u/AkiyamaShinichi3

/u/Ayianna

/u/A_Very_Curious_Camel

/u/DarkMoon99

/u/margoquinn

/u/Whyevenlive88

As others are saying, most of these sound like reflexes. My friend gave me a book called Experimenting With Babies that ended up being pretty fun to go through at different stages. It could also explain some of what you're experiencing with your kid.

I thought one of the coolest experiments was this: When your baby is standing (on the floor) and holding your hands, lean them forward slightly. They will reflexively move their feet as if they are walking (right-left-right-left). They do this up until about three months old, then the reflex goes away to prepare them to crawl. As they start to learn to walk it comes back.

Read a lot and practice writing have already been mentioned, and those are great and necessary practices that should continue throughout your academic career. Getting external feedback is also great advice. I'll add the following: Writing and editing your writing are two different jobs, so don't edit and write at the same time.

A few books I recommend regularly to Ph.D. students in the social sciences: How To Write A Lot has some tips and tricks about writing routines of academics. If you're writing ethnographic works: Writing Ethnographic Fieldnotes and Tales of the Field: On Writing Ethnography are worth reading.

I’ve heard good things about this book and it’s usually recommended by professionals.

I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment By Xavier Amador https://www.amazon.com/Not-Sick-Dont-Need-Help/dp/0967718929

Hope it helps.

I'm having a good time with Happiest Baby on the Block (though I think it's really slow and repetitive, and their "conclusions" (it isn't this, this, or this, so it MUST be this) are a bit, uh, presumptuous; I think the book is spot on for how to treat the baby, especially in the "4th trimester") and The Nursing Mother's Companion. And these aren't baby books, but my husband and I are also reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Birth Partner to prep for labor.

I have a few more books on my shelf to reference just in case, like Sears' The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (but I am wary of anti-vacc notions of the book), Brain Rules for Baby, and for fun, Experimenting with Babies.

Excellent point. To me, aside from raw nationalism, a huge factor in this dynamic is that people are taught to put happy spins on things.

Author Barbara Ehrenreich covers this dynamic in an amazingly thorough way in her book "Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America".

I'm in the same boat as you, so I don't have any experience, but I do have the same concerns. In the research I've done it seems there are pros and cons to both having siblings, and being an only child. There is a good chapter in book NurtureShock about the issue.

One example in the book is the idea that children with siblings develop better social skills. The evidence suggests that siblings do help each other develop some good social skills, But they can also develop many bad social skills (because the little sister will still be around tomorrow even if big brother is mean today). It take only children longer to develop their good social skills, but they tend to develop fewer bad social skills (because if they are not nice to the other kid on the playground, she'll just go play with some other kid).

Basically, any factor they tried to objectively measure turned out to be a wash.

You gotta read Dario Nardi's book. This is kind of what he researches and he actually does show how different areas correspond to different functions! (Or, how a bunch of different areas correspond - Ne is described as a "christmas light" brain, with a lot of disparate parts lighting up at once).

https://www.amazon.com/Neuroscience-Personality-Brain-Insights-People/dp/0979868475

As I remember, it focuses on type & functions as linked with fMRI data from his research.

Fascinating stuff that it sounds like you will absolutely love.

Random enough, somebody shared this book in my local Buy Nothing group on FB this week. Might be just what you’re looking for.

Experimenting with Babies: 50 Amazing Science Projects You Can Perform on Your Kid https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399162461/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_rfJRDbR3FKY4Z

FWIW - I have not read the book so I’m not endorsing it or experiments on your children. 😄

Regarding research, you may want to check out a book called The Male Brain (or pirate it, I'm not the police). It's only a couple hundred novel sized pages but it's an amazing primer into brain, hormones, and anything you want to know about the male brain. It covers the topic in an easy-to-understand fashion and I know there's a specific section on testosterone and its effect on the male sex drive. I'd recommend it to anyone but it seems particularly good for your partner's situation (and it also has a great companion book called The Female Brain if you end up liking it).

The reason I disregard testosterone is that if he has doctors regularly checking his blood and he has erection problems, that'd be one of the first things they'd already have checked. Low T is a common side effect of chemo therapy so it's not unusual to them and it's a relatively inexpensive test ($100 maybe) that's straightforward to fix with drugs. Hard to imagine them missing it.



Realistically, the most likely thing I can think of would be having a history of sexual abuse. After 8 months together I'd assume he'd be comfortable having sex with you by now. If a woman displayed those signs like extreme anxiety because of their partner of 8 months was acting sexy with her, or a panic attack when receiving oral sex, or needing to have sex sneak up or she gets extremely anxious... one of the default assumptions would be past sexual abuse. Just because he's a guy doesn't make it any less likely.

Have you talked to him about that and do you think he'd answer you truthfully if you asked? (Also /r/relationships would probably be better able to cover this topic.)

I think you're lost.

But while we're here I am going to recommend you read Bright-Sided so you can get a better, more well rounded idea of how the world works and what makes things happen and gets goals achieved. Spoiler alert: the whole "positive thinking" thing isn't it!

Just a quick comment. Your post reminded me of this book:

> Robert Kurzban shows us that the key to understanding our behavioral inconsistencies lies in understanding the mind's design. The human mind consists of many specialized units designed by the process of evolution by natural selection. While these modules sometimes work together seamlessly, they don't always, resulting in impossibly contradictory beliefs, vacillations between patience and impulsiveness, violations of our supposed moral principles, and overinflated views of ourselves.

> This modular, evolutionary psychological view of the mind undermines deeply held intuitions about ourselves, as well as a range of scientific theories that require a "self" with consistent beliefs and preferences. Modularity suggests that there is no "I." Instead, each of us is a contentious "we"--a collection of discrete but interacting systems whose constant conflicts shape our interactions with one another and our experience of the world.

> In clear language, full of wit and rich in examples, Kurzban explains the roots and implications of our inconsistent minds, and why it is perfectly natural to believe that everyone else is a hypocrite.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Everyone-Else-Hypocrite-Evolution/dp/0691154392

Parents are responsible for their childrens behavior. This could be a blind spot preventing you from holding your own parents accountable. If you can't emotionally understand this you wont logically understand this following argument.

If a parent needs to get their children to do something or not to do something out of fear of punishment then it's not a relationship. It's dictatorship and you'll never get respect or compliance from your children when you act like you know what's best for them - and this is the reason why abuse escalates.

It's the parents responsibility to teach their children right and wrong by talking and listening to them, helping them understand, and ultimately modelling that behaviour themselves.

Before you have children, it's important to work on yourself because everything you experienced as a child from abusive parents thats lingering in your unconscious will come to the surface when you have your own children.

It seems you area already projecting some of this by thinking experimentation like smoking in the room or lying about homework is bad. Wouldn't it be better to foster a relationship where your children can you tell they tried a cigarette or don't want to do their homework? That way you can actually be involved in their lives.

If you raise your children correctly I wouldn't worry about most bad activities because you'll give them the skills to know better. The science shows that addictions, victim of bullying and peer pressure are all caused by child abuse and an unstable home. If you want to know more about this look up Gabor Mate (I have more resources).

Actually as children get older they become easier to parent when you raise them peacefully and being involved because you have built up a relationship.

Here are books I'd recommend:
Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Matters-Affection-Shapes/dp/1583918175

The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self http://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Revised/dp/0465016901

The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self http://www.amazon.com/Truth-Will-Set-You-Free/dp/0465045855[2]

For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence http://www.amazon.com/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence/dp/0374522693[3]

Stefan Molyneux: Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love http://www.freedomainradio.com/free/books/FDR_3_PDF_Real_Time_Relationships.pdf

On Truth: The Tyranny of Illusion http://board.freedomainradio.com/blogs/freedomain/archive/2008/09/11/book-on-truth-the-tyranny-of-illusion.aspx

Between Parent and Child: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication http://www.amazon.com/Between-Parent-Child-Revolutionized-Communication/dp/0609809881

Playful Parenting http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/dp/0345442865

Unconditional Parenting http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves http://www.naomialdort.com/book.html

Parent Effectiveness Training http://www.amazon.com/Parent-Effectiveness-Training-Responsible-Children/dp/0609806939

The Philosophical Baby: What Children's Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love, and the Meaning of Life http://www.amazon.com/Philosophical-Baby-Childrens-Minds-Meaning/dp/0374231966

What's Going on in There? : How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-There-Brain-Develop/dp/0553378252

Becoming the Kind Father: A Son's Journey http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Kind-Father-Sons-Journey/dp/0865715823

Connection Parenting http://connectionparenting.com/connection-parenting-book.html

Some excellent popular book options are:

The Tell Tale Brain - V.S. Ramachandran

Phantoms in the Brain - V.S. Ramachandran

Synaptic Self - Joseph LeDoux


Also mentioned by other posters, Norman Doidge and Oliver Sacks.

All of these are really approachable for beginners and I enjoyed them all greatly as an undergrad way back when.

This may or may not help your current arguments, but understanding the psychology behind why liberal progressives and conservatives have completely different realities is very valuable to know.
The best way to do this is read:
"The Evolutionary Psychology Behind Politics: How Conservatism and Liberalism Evolved Within Humans"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0982947933/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_OcREub1XRVQYC

If you're interested, check out these books. They're easy but very interesting reads, and I was astonished by some of the differences between men and women.

The Male Brain: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373722766&sr=8-1&keywords=the+male+brain

The Female Brain:http://www.amazon.com/The-Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104/ref=pd_sim_b_1

The term for meaningful coincidence is synchronicity. There are psychologists such as Carl Jung who give the concept psychological validity, as well as authors who explore a deeper connection.

The two linked books both keep one foot grounded in modern thought. You're sure to find more mystical explanations as well. But I wanted you to know that there are serious professionals who believe that it is not unhealthy to experience synchronicities as valued facets of our experience.

The book NurtureShock has a chapter on language development, and one of the studies they refer to found that that kind of repetition helps children learn language. In this case, your daughter hears that "your" = "Zoey's", "Zoey's feet" = "they", "where" and "there" and "found" are related, etc, and she figures out grammar, verb conjugation, etc through this way of speaking.

The whole chapter -- well, the whole book -- is packed with fascinating discoveries like this and I highly recommend it.

You should read about Synchronicity if you haven't. Jung wrote on it originally, and David Wilcock has a book called The Synchronicity Key which elucidates many of the concepts surrounding it. I am also writing on this concept myself, as it has been a central part of my experience -- overwhelmingly so. This wouldn't even be remotely surprising if it had happened to me. Synchronicity is my life.

And ... Synchronicistically enough, I'm also more or less an uninitiated Rosicrucian and I dabble in Golden Dawn Magick. I also happen to love Conan Doyle.

So ... where is this story of yours? I'd love to read it.

Idk what's "wild" about it, but sure, here you go.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22208110
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21319910

Covers the, "men fall faster and harder" claim

http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540

Covers the brain development claims

As far as men being pressured to hide their emotions and not go blurting out that they're in love 2 weeks in...I really don't feel the need to source that.

And I flat out admitted that I didn't know what it was like for women, and was only guessing.

>I think the division is a natural consequence of biology and upbringing.

This book may prove interesting for you then, if you want to learn about it. Judging from the reviews it seems like the author did a (relatively) good job.

No, that's totally the way it works. Here's my source. http://www.amazon.com/Billion-Wicked-Thoughts-Largest-Experiment/dp/0525952098

The research in this book confirms that the most universally attractive features to men across cultures is "youth" and "large breasts". It makes perfect logical sense that if you are in possession of a quality which is attractive to a much broader field of people than other features than you are going to attract more people than people who don't have those features. Some of the people you attract are going to be dudes looking for sex and some of the people you attract are going to be normal dudes looking to make you their girlfriend. There is no research at all which concludes that dudes who are into large breasts are more likely to be into you for sex and only sex.

Also, I don't know where you got the impression that I am "insecure". I don't have to be insecure about being poor to think that it's moronic for rich people to complain about being rich.

I plugged a few books a month ago over at our subreddit.

Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey – he is the one who introduce temperament theory (SP/SJ/NF/NT) and very easy to read, providing a good starting point to MBTI.

Personality Type: An Owner’s Manual by Lenore Thomson - Instead of going by the 16 sets of letters, this is a pure Jungian book to the MBTI. It is noted to take a few stabs at Keirsey and for filling itself with pop culture references known for its time.

Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery, by Riso and Hudson – While I am not as much of a fan of the Enneagram as I am the MBTI, I still pull this book out on occasion. It is a nice, complete overview of it. What I like about it the most though is it breaks down the 9 types into 9 levels of mental health. When you go from peak to valley, it is like reading a personal psychological horror story. For that reason, I often use it when discussing psychological and personality disorders as it relates to personality typing. Speaking of which…

The New Personality Self-Portrait, by Oldham and Morris – If you have any interest whatsoever in the DSM-IV personality disorders, but don’t want to read the whole thing (of which the PDs are a very small portion), GET THIS BOOK. It is not just a brief summary of each, its main focus is to go in the opposite direction of my previous recommendation. It views each personality disorder as an (unhealthy) subset of a larger personality style – of which one might have several – and then ask the question, “What will _____ be like if they were more mentally healthy?” It turns each disorder on its head by doing that.

Neuroscience of Personality, by Dario Nardi – I just finished this book. It takes each of the cognitive functions and explains what exactly your brain is doing when using them. From that it shows how each personality type’s noggin works. And despite being a book on neurology, it is very easy and quick read compared to all the above books. But the price tag IMHO is a bit steep. There is a 90 minute YouTube video out there of the author giving a lecture if you search for it.

The best answer to that is with a large portion of the population caring for some dogs, caring about the abuse of dogs under other's care, it becomes too morally confusing to eat other dogs.

Some one else referenced Some we love, some we hate, some we eat, and it really is just the fact that these need to be distinct categories for things to be simple.

There is proof of dogs being humans companions for thousands of years (last I remember, don't have a source), and dogs have been beneficial companions. So that decision has just been made through time, and there really is no reason to change it. Except it is different in different cultures, and that also stays the same.

This book, the source of all my information, is full of high quality peer-reviewed scientific studies: https://www.amazon.com/Evolutionary-Psychology-Behind-Politics-Conservatism/dp/0982947933

In addition, you can get the book for free several times a year on Kindle just by signing up for it on the author's website. The blog is another good source of free information: https://www.anonymousconservative.com/blog/home-page/

No, but I did read an interesting book that would likely be a critique of The Secret's ideology, Barbara Ehrenreich's Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America. Not anything heavy, but she brings up a lot of good points that we see in our everyday corporate-generated pop culture.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Tell-Tale-Brain-Neuroscientists-Quest/dp/0393340627

This book is pretty good :)

You might want to check out Oliver Sacks too

Anyone interested in this thought process should check out the book Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat by Hal Herzog. Really interesting and entertaining read.

You, my friend, need to read Brightsided. This whole "positive thinking" movement and "faked happiness" thing is complete bullshit. You need to get to the root of your problems and issues and get the help that you truly need.

http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324511128&sr=8-1

Positive thinking is basically deluding yourself and hiding away from your problems.

Yep,

"An individual tolerant to and dependant upon an opiate who is socially or financially capable of obtaining an adequate supply of good quality drug, sterile syringes and needles, and other paraphernalia may maintain his or her proper social and occupational functions, remain in fairly good health, and suffer little serious incapacitation as a result of dependence.(Julien, 1981 p.117)

http://www.amazon.com/Primer-Drug-Action-Robert-Julien/dp/1429233435

I really liked Julien's Primer of Drug Action. It's also easy to read.

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I am hopeful there will be something that can work soon.

This book discusses the issue frankly, IMO. Essentially it concludes that man created god in his image - that we are driven emaotionally towards such creation. Not exactly groundbreaking but it presents a large body of evidence in support of our species' proclivity towards creating god/gods.

Read "Some we love, some we hate, some we eat". My friends dad wrote it. It's fascinating.

Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat: Why It's So Hard to Think Straight About Animals (P.S.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061730858/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_Xv2MybR5BGKQW

This is the spiritual successor to "How to Win Friends and Influence People":

http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Robert-Cialdini/dp/0688128165

It is written more from the perspective of "here is what people do to try to influence you unfairly and what you can do about it".

Religion enhances tribalism, through its use as a costly signaling mechanism.

This tribalism enhancement is responsible for (most of) both the good and the evil of religion through the years.

The "best" religions feature teachings that start to move us to a post-tribal world. Those are the good part of Jesus's teaching, and the other moral philosophers. They try to get us to act in the one-shot prisoner's dilema the way we evolved to act in the iterated prisoner's dilemma. This is one of the most likely reasons we have evolved the desires we call morality, as they match up with the most successful strategy.

If you prefer teh funniez over math and philosophy(weirdo ;-), I present the skycake hypothesis.

He's right on the basic idea, but got the causation backwards. First we evolved morality and a number of other cognative functions, which then gave rise to religion later. Religion is basically the meme version of our biological imperatives, often codified in a social contract.

If any of this is interesting to you, I highly recommend the Atheist's Guide to Reality and "Why We Believe in Gods" in either book or video form.

There's a great book called How to Write a Lot: A Practical Guide to Productive Academic Writing, which I found to be immensely helpful while working on my thesis.

It's geared towards academics, but much of the advice and strategies in the book can be applied to any kind of writing.

Hope that helps.

Perhaps Influence by Cialdini would be useful. You can use influence for good or evil, but it helps to know all the mechanics.

Also, Leading Teams, by Richard Hackman (awful professor, but a good book), talks a lot about issues specific to leadership roles, but not necessarily software.

Is it just me, or does he bear a distinct resemblance to Gonzo from the Muppets?

In all seriousness, on the topic of self-help and the whole BS "positivity" movement, I highly recommend the book "Bright-Sided" by Barbara Ehrenreich: https://www.amazon.com/Bright-sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850

Here's an excellent taste of her perspective, also amusingly illustrated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5um8QWWRvo

Relevant Ted Talk on Curing Phantom Limb

According to VS Ramachandran, you can cure phantom limb by yourself for very little money, just need a couple of mirrors put together correctly.

VS Ramachandran cured phantom pain by using mirrors to retrain the brain. He talks extensively on phantom limb in his 2011 book The Tell-Tale Brain. You can even use audible to get one free download and get that book for free. This may be useful info to /u/Forlum as well as /u/Funsizeanthony and more.

If he's taking the meds.

The best book I've seen for friends/family of folks with mental illnesses is called I Am Not Sick; I Don't Need Help. Your friend likely has little insight into his own illness, and you may or may not be the person to be helping him. It can give you some advice for supporting him and trying to have more "normal" interactions with him.

https://www.amazon.com/Some-We-Love-Hate-Eat/dp/0061730858/ref=asc_df_0061730858/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312065538926&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11024277544380194344&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032466&hvtargid=aud-801657747996:pla-449419458894&psc=1 This is also an interesting book to read that addresses the psychology of how we feel towards other animals. My omnivorous designer dog loving co-workers (that I love to death) had difficulty understanding my thoughts on how they don't truly love animals if they eat them and this book really helped that.

Pretty fabulous list! I would've tossed in John Berger's Ways of Seeing and some Jung, though. Penrose's Road to Reality has been in my "to read" queue for ages.

In my research (with data) I believe you can write at least 3 paragraphs when starting any project.

1. Introduction - what has been done (ish - then do a lit review) and what problem are you trying to solve
   
2. Data - this is the data we're using
   
3. Discussion - why should I care even if you succeeded in your results section in getting good results?
   
   These will change (maybe not data), but they at least get you started and writing. Highly recommend the book "How to Write a Lot" (https://www.amazon.com/How-Write-Lot-Practical-Productive/dp/1591477433)

I used Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I couldn't afford a therapist at the time, so I read a book about deprogramming from cults called 'Leaving the Fold' and it seriously helped.

The point of the book is that religious indoctrination works by imprinting certain messages on your mind that often bypass reason and go straight into your emotional core. They're hard to shake, but with time and attention they can be left behind. You start by recognizing

1. the Event that precipitates one of the messages
   
   
2. what the Message is
   
   
3. then, replacing it with a contrary message
   
   An example:
   The Event is that a guy asks me to have sex. I feel guilt and shame, but also obligated to respond in the affirmative because I caused him to desire me.
   
   The Message is stuff like "If you cause a man to lust, you've incited him" and also guilt-inducing stuff like "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
   
   Messages that can replace that are things like, "It is okay to have sexual desires. That's normal and healthy." and also "Wait. Take a moment to get in touch with your true feelings. Do you desire this person?" and "You are not obligated to have sex with people you don't desire. Their desire is their problem. You didn't create it and you aren't obliged to solve it."
   
   It takes a lot of time and attention to ferret these things out. However, it really really helped me--like, within a few months I was doing so much better.
   
   The worst thing about fundamentalism is how it divorces you from your natural feelings and instincts--you aren't "allowed" to feel your feelings and so you suppress a lot of stuff. It still takes me some time to register what I'm feeling (esp negative emotions) but it is so much better now.
   
   Anyway--sorry for the long reply. I enjoy talking about this with others who are going through similar!

I'm reading a book called Nurtureshock right now (now that I'm a parent) that begins with a chapter that goes a long way to explaining this phenomenon. Citing several studies, they say that kids who are praised for being innately smart suffer many problems in comparison to those who are praised for working hard. It is especially problematic for trying something you aren't naturally good at (which after a certain point is almost everything). If you were praised for being smart, you don't want to take the chance of failing at the new thing and proving that it was all a big mistake and you're not actually smart at all. On the other hand, if you were praised for being hard-working, trying to learn new things with the inevitable failings only proves that the people who praised you were right and you continue to be hard-working.

Here's the book... not that anyone here really cares haha.

The Evolutionary Psychology of Politics by Anonymous Conservative:
https://www.amazon.com/Evolutionary-Psychology-Behind-Politics-Conservatism/dp/0982947933/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1486499121&sr=1-1&keywords=the+evolutionary+psychology+behind+politics

It is a great introduction to some of the science behind why conservatives and liberals are so completely different in the head from one another. It addresses both nature and nurture, evolution and culture. It is very insightful as to how and why liberals and conservatives tick.

Man, I could have written every word of this myself. At some point I found this book and it was somewhat helpful. Not earth shattering, but still illuminating. It helped me put into words and really pinpoint some of lasting effects on my mental and emotional health. Mostly it was comforting to read that what I was experiencing was, in many ways, a totally predictable reaction to that kind of environment.

Just realized I'm a little over ten years out now, too. I think I've come to find a comfort in the "doubt." I've managed to build something of a new framework -- just without religion. For me it's not about right and wrong...it's about our nature as social creatures. There are things that build up those social connections, and things that break them. That we all have an ever-evolving set of standards that help us live with each other. That being together is our animal nature, and without that we're bound to feel miserable.

IDK, just thinking out loud here. You're not alone though.

Take a few parenting classes with your wife! You'll bond and you'll know what to expect.

There's also this book called Brain Rules for Babies about the do's and don'ts of raising your child to be well-adjusted kiddo. Easy read, basic stuff, but it backs stuff up with science. so. that's always good.

Unless it's something of depth, I feel the same way. Unpopular opinion incoming ...

Since the overwhelming and loud opinion in the dominant fandom culture has been successful in dictating that one is only allowed to praise a fic (and its author) without providing any kind of non-positive feedback (neutral, negative, or even just thought provoking), many readers (at least the ones I know and converse with, which are most of my friends) don't feel the need to provide any feedback anymore. That is why we don't bother with more that a click of a kudo anymore. It has become very disingenuous.

Before people jump all over me about these words (as people usually do), I highly recommend reading Bright-sided, for some interesting takes on the negative and unforeseen outcomes of forced positivity on a community.

There was a book I read on why we have religion. It was very interesting and informative and a good resource. You should check it out!

The advice about scheduling writing time is good. The book "How to write a lot" goes through several "myths" of non-productivity and suggests setting a schedule and sticking to it will help you overcome these difficulties. I wish I had read through this short work earlier: http://www.amazon.com/How-Write-Lot-Practical-Productive/dp/1591477433/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334677315&sr=8-1

I think you'd enjoy the book Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat. It's written by an anthrozooligist who delves honestly into the very contradictory relationship we have with animals. He doesn't provide answers, so much as an in depth study into the place and role animals have in our lives and many preconceptions we simply take for granted.

No single source, but these are the ones that I found the most useful in my endeavors

• Michael Pierce's Youtube videos
  
  
• http://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/ (good despite being tumblr)
  
  
• My True Type: Clarifying Your Personality Type, Preferences & Functions
  
  
• Building Blocks of Personality Type
  
  
• Neuroscience of Personality: Brain Savvy Insights for All Types of People

It's probably best to start with an overview by someone other than Jung himself. In that case maybe start with Jung: A Very Short Introduction.

If you want to read the man himself but aren't too familiar with him, try this in order:

• Two Essays on Analytical Psychology
  
  
• The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious
  
  
• Psychological Types
  
  I started with Man and His Symbols which is branded as a good introduction. But I found it little more than a series of anecdotes and disconnected case studies, and also only one of the five(?) sections was written by Jung himself. I wouldn't recommend it.

Check out NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children where they devote the whole first chapter to this subject. It's a fascinating read, especially for new parents.

I bought my husband this:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Experimenting-Babies-Amazing-Science-Projects/dp/0399162461

It's a very easygoing read and the 'experiments' are simple and fun

http://www.amazon.com/Experimenting-Babies-Amazing-Science-Projects/dp/0399162461

This was a fun book and explains a lot about development. It helped my husband bond a bit more when he felt like there wasn't much he could do.

>It is just as possible (if not more possible) that the children formed their opinions on life experiences.

That article is an excerpt from a book that contains more material and citations about that topic. If you're interested in the background of the study, it might be worth picking up the book or skimming through the Amazon "Click to Look Inside".

> All I'm proposing is that we treat impolite children like impolite children

Interesting that you are linking the lack of a "thank you" to being impolite.

>We NEVER hire someone based on race, religion, creed, gender, etc. However, we DO look for people that add diversity AND have the qualifications

Good to hear, because that is exactly how affirmative action programs in the USA are supposed to work.

>The problem comes when companies say "we need to hire a black guy"

Than that company is breaking the law, same as if they say "we don't want to hire that guy with the black-sounding name."

Our stack of books is about a foot high and growing, and my favorite book so far has been Brain Rules for Baby, a book with a lot of great guidance backed up not just by anecdotes but also sound science. As a counter to our instincts to be over-protective, the other book my wife and I have both really enjoyed is 50 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do.

Why Everyone (Else) is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind totally changed the way I see myself and others, and our interactions with one another. It's not a hard or particularly long read (the Kindle version is something like 272 pages and the last 70-ish are citations so it's about 200 pages of actual reading) and it's one of those books that I think EVERYONE needs to read, even if you have zero interest in psychology or biology, because it will dramatically change the way you view your life.

Still looking for recommendations, but since posting, I've pulled together a list of books that seemed interesting. Wondering if anyone has any opinions?

MBTI Manual

Jung: A Very Short Introduction

Psychological Types

The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious

Jung's Map of the Soul: An Introduction

You can visit the [Secular Therapy Project] (https://seculartherapy.org/) for potential help. The book ["Leaving the Fold"] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) could also be helpful for you.

Experimenting With Babies. Love that book!

NurtureShock is less about raising a newborn as it is overall child development. If they like analytical books with studies behind what they say, it is a good read.

http://www.amazon.ca/NurtureShock-New-Thinking-About-Children/dp/0446504122

>plus Prometheus Rising and Chrono Trigger should be read by all.

Especially Prometeus Rising...such a great book.

And also The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious by Jung.

You should read this book. It's great! It talks about exactly what you're asking here.

That was enough. It's Bright-sided.

Thanks! It's solved.

BTW, the best book I've read so far:
http://www.amazon.com/NurtureShock-New-Thinking-About-Children/dp/0446504122

Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious is probably your best bet.

I like the term "BS" for belief system XDD

If you're interested in understanding that stuff, there is a book you need to read.

Ah, from the authors of A Billion Wicked Thoughts. I never read the book, but remember that it was not highly thought of....the Amazon page has an amusing collection of user-tags such as "phds writen in crayon" and "mansplaining" and "disclaimed from boston university."

As for the article: while hearing about some folks' porn habits is interesting, this isn't science. This is someone drawing conclusions from what is essentially the browser history of those people who have both unfettered access to the internet and also the desire to use that access to view/read erotic media. That is neither a rigorous research method, nor in any way inclusive of all people; it's as flawed in its data-collection and inferences as much -- and in many of the same ways -- as the Kinsey study it criticizes.

I'm not one of those be positive or else people. Woe or not it's my experience. Please read the book called Bright-Sided

https://www.amazon.com/Bright-sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850

I read sociology books, and most of the experts admit that family life is breaking up and social ties.

> There are differences in brain structure even at birth.

Are you referring to these books by Louann Brizendine? Because her books theorize the brain structures are different, they do not prove that clinically. However there are plenty of studies which show men and women do act differently, we're just not sure if the physical brain structures are different.

• The Female Brain (book)
  
• The Male Brain (book)
  
  I'd be happy to see studies that do prove brain structures are physically different if you have them.
  

Haven't read this but I plan to when I have the money. Heard its supposed to be a good one

• The Evolutionary Psychology Behind Politics: How Conservatism and Liberalism Evolved Within Humans

Being a male does mean something and hormones do effect our minds and behavior. There's pretty solid research on the topic, though you'll never hear it brought up in a gender studies course.

The Male Brain

The Female Brain

Coming from a writer, gamedesigner, story-designer kind of background I found that most religions, like mere fairytales, behave similar ion their stories.
Two very good books on this topic are:
The Hero with a thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
http://www.amazon.com/Thousand-Faces-Collected-Joseph-Campbell/dp/1577315936/ref=pd_sim_b_1
and
Archetypes by Carl Gustav Jung.
http://www.amazon.com/Archetypes-Collective-Unconscious-Collected-Works/dp/0691018332

What it basically says it that humans, no matter where they live, follow a rough pattern of storytelling. This leads to the conclusion that our biology and following our psychology works in similar patterns. Therefore we developed similar myths and as you asked, religions.
This of course is additional to what others were writting but it gave me a completely different look on what religion is and what it does with our brain and culture.

My understanding of r/K selection theory (from Ecology) is that it's been jettisoned and superseded by better insights. I don't think there are experts in the relevant field today that use it or take it to be the most rigorous instrument of analysis.

It's mostly used by people like Molyneux or Anonymous Conservative in favor of their own personal theories about the political differences between liberal and conservative. Interesting, but I don't lend much credence to it.

Yeah dude, as someone mentioned. This is an occurence of Synchronicities, or MEANINGful coincidences. He actually wrote a whole book about them and tried to scientifically explain the phenomena even though it's one of the hardest things to do. Here's the book

I'm not sure how useful this is, but it is famous, might be a good foil, and you should know about it if you're working on these things: https://www.amazon.com/Synchronicity-Connecting-Principle-Collected-Extracts/dp/0691150508/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469975708&sr=8-1&keywords=jung+synchronicity

There are psychologists who specialize in religious trauma.
I can't afford therapy, but I've found this book quite helpful- Leaving the Fold

Whether men are more visual than women is really irrelevant to my point, but here are some sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201205/the-triggers-sexual-desire-men-vs-women

http://www.amazon.com/Billion-Wicked-Thoughts-Largest-Experiment/dp/0525952098/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1336682469&sr=8-1

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-lies-men-myths-0217137

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/808430

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/03/040316072953.htm

http://www.nature.com/neuro/journal/v7/n4/abs/nn1208.html

This last one seems to imply that this difference correlates with gender at birth, though the sample size is small: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22563262

And how can you say that it is "invariably due to some cultural conditioniong"? It is a known fact that there are differences between the male and female brain independently of culture. Is it really impossible that these differences extend to patterns of sexual stimulation? And what would it matter if they did?

I'm glad you've discovered DaveSuperPowers and see the power of his system. You should also check out Dario Nardi's book which I think its the next step in the puzzle to make mbti more testable.

1,000,001 upvotes for you.

A good book related to raising children that includes the info from the first link: Nurtureshock (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0446504122) and other info based on research; not anecdotes.

(Typing on my phone)